I Pooe 2
TKe Dotty Nebrosken
Tuesdoy, April 8, 1958
j Editorial Comment
w
omen
.Bah!
As of today this paper is taking a firm
stand in favor of abolishing coeducation
cn the University r ampus. In the face
ci the terrible fix the world is in there
is no alternative. Women must make
room for more men, test tubes and slide
rules.
Detailed research has shown that be
fore Eve not one man failed an exami
nation. Now, look at things. In fact,
that's the whole trouble. When women
are around you are always looking at
things you aren't supposed to be look
ing at. Things like dimpled knees, rosy
cheeks and smooth swaying you know
whsts.
Women mnst go. Down w ith women. We
mean out with women. We mean we
don't want vomei laying around the
campus. We mean that it's hard to think
f anything else when yon're thinking
f women.
What is the theory of relativity com
pared to the theory of relatives which
women are always trying to impress on
men? What are books compared with
women's locks?
Women are only distractions. Get rid
of them. Down, down, down with wom
en! A check esing only the best proved
Dr. Kinsey interview methods revealed
the real reasons women come to col
lege. A few comments follow:
Nancy Fancy, junior Po Boota Pho
Well, kid, if you donl stop asking me
if I just came to college to get a man
IH knock bell out of you. Me, I came
to college to get culture. That's spelled
k-u-l-t-u-r-e.
Jaci Macter, sophomore Koona Koona
Gemer No, I don't Lie school but I
dont Lke work either. My parents told
me find a man or get a job but don't
stay around the bouse drinking their
beer and smoking their cigarettes. Well,
I read somewhere that college men get
paid more dough later on so here I am.
I want to give my kids all I didn't have.
Maybe not quite all though.
Jerri Merrie, senior Dandy Gundy
What's it to yon? If I thought ft were
yujr business I'd tell you. I don't tell
guys my trade secrets for nothing. If
you're really interested in knowing what
I came to college for you can take me
out to dinner, take me to your formal,
take me to a cocktail party, take me to
a movie, take me to the follies. Get the
drift? I dont do anything for nothing.
Grabba Tnbba, freshman Alfa Phalfa
You better believe I'm learning. Those
stories about flowers are nuts!
Mertie Misery, sophomore AHi Omph
Pah I'nr here because men are here,
and they're not only here but they are
here 3 to L Do you hear me S to 1? Back
in high school I sat home and played
Cinder alia but no prince ever called on
me with a glass slipper, so all I ever
did was knit and wash dishes. But here,
oh you kid, here even I am a belle of
the balL Last week I got to turn down
15 dates. Do you hear me 15 dates?
That means I'm a queen. Do you under
stand? Me a queen, a queen, a queen!
I'm a queen I tell you. I'm a queen!
Ellie Preslie, senior Kuba Alii Thrash
erMen make me sick. One guy refused
to go out with me to our formal because
be had another date that night. Imagine
anyone turning down a Kuhi AHi Thrash
er. And then another guy asked me out
for a coffee date and I said okay. Then
what does he do but take to the crib
for coffee. To the crib. And me a Kuba
AHi Thrasher. Can you really imagine
that? Men really du make me sick. Ex
cuse me. I gotta run. I'm already a
couple of hours late for my date. He's
probably still waiting out in the rain.
They can't come in the Kuba AHi Trash
er bouse when its raining. Get the rug
muddy you know.
Taffie HafQe, sophomore Soggy Doggy
Toggy Sure I came here to get mar
ried. What else? Do you think I'm dif
ferent or something?
Carfl Congo, junior Doggy Doggy Dog
gy I've found out there's a lot more to
Lie than book learning.
Yes, men, these are the types of creat
ures who presently inhabit this fair
campus. These are the monsters who
go about disguised as Greek goddesses
wearing bermuda shorts and X covered
kvis.
We must assert ourselves as the su
perior race and give tsp this senseless
coed race. Women . , . bah!
From the Editor
private opinion
4
'4
4
-mcnl oratcn wnegeru, txaom sjiroiu
q said when I asked him what his stand
; on the Sanitary Ship Canal was.
Khrifhi. Rpn-dMican candidal for canal
? Inspector was in Lincoln over the holt
s' days to inspect the waterworks and let
; gj few blasts at Lincoln garbage col
; lection agencies.
Astfa alzay, ont hardlug contelsigs, be
- told me candidly last
o Thursday evening as we
.. drove along the country
' road leading from
; Tony's Happy Corner to
. the ship canaL He
couldn't believe that so
much mud and so many
tin cans could be clut-
terinz us the road way
flans the ship canal 61. ..I ifo-
' . "Why! turka onslo ar- shrdln
frjlbma angiugnos eoi
tan," he dclaimed as we took the turn
down near the Ranch House. And when
we entered the double doors be stood
; awed at the xeusa which seemed to
' swing back and forth from the chande
' Lers.
1 . I afcked Lira bow the campaign for
the coming electioa was coining after
' we had bad a euple of arbemsteds there
and be couldn't say anything. "Dot yinki
: Larai?" be asked me. I couldn't really
, tell him for sure, tbocgfc since I hadn't
. 4rata connect) with the Republican
-Tpjrty outside of the fancy Invitation I
-tad to join its ranks.
i
' " "Youkre, bandV he added, however.
With that I stomped away from the
r nii jmt fi h far If.arinP him
uiyjc gii im V wuv
: stranded far from the lights of the
P c;ty, far from the coziness of the Pow
fWow Room, far from the throbbing
"handshake of M. Stonner, party wbeeL
a a a
Hot much else happened around Lin-
1 coto land over the holidays.
dick shugrue
Except the burning of the old Oliver
Theatre down on 13th Street.
Let's see, was that this Easter or was
it some other time? Gee, I can't re
member. Ill have to ask Nell tonight.
Remember Bob Ireland? There's a boy
who used to be around the University
until something happened to him. I dont
exactly know what it
was, but something very " jf$
f. I
Ireland
important, a p p arenlly.
Those were good old
days when Ellen Smith f;
was still wearing ber tf A
hat and Charles Miller .
was just a professor of
Business Administration.
Well, this Ireland guy
lammed it with my copy
of Sen. John Kennedy's
Profiles in Courage. I
understand he is planning to follow Ken
nedy's style and write a book about
famous deans of men rather than of fa
mous Senators.
He must be memorizing the format of
the book, he's had it so long.
No Dews from Joe HID, ambassador of
the West in New York City. The last
word we had from him be said, "Keep
writing the truth." That's no kidding.
The letter came right after the review
of Ondine.
Here's something we missed last week.
It was National Laugh Week.
And a lot of things to laugh at, loo.
Cuban Revolution planning the slaughter
of any person who tries to keep another
person from working. That would mean
Casey would be shot on sight. Also, the
Reds have poisoned our atmosphere. Sen.
Humphrey told members of Congress.
Then there was the news of Lana Tur
ner's boy friend being stabbled by her
daughter.
Yes, sir, National Laugh Week.
1 1
Ba Fink On
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lie's my candidate for Chancellor.
Nebraskan Letterip
Fm Alive
To the Editor:
Aha! You and every other
miserable person on this cam
pus thought I was dead or
had moved away. But yon all
were wrong, as you have been
about most things since the
time I came to this school
following the dose of the
World War.
I have been watching the
progress of Rod Mole and
Melwyn Ekelherg over the
past few weeks and if I might
candidly comment they are
certainly bad, arent they?
The campus and the stu
dents have improved in sine
respect, though.
And that's with regard to
the grass. This time of year
I think it's very heartening to
see green on all sides of me
as I ride by. Scout has helped
to maintain the greenness of
the grass, I might boast. But
then if I did some wise acre
would make nasty com
ment. That's the way It al
ways is.
Now if I may lock hack on
the past weeks and briefly
comment on the major issues
which have come before the
campus I'd start with the dis
missal of Robert Scotland as
the news editor of the other
campus newspaper, the Daily
Nebraskan.
Scotland was caught r e d
Dosed. And w ben that happens
you can expect the bottle to
be thrown at yon. I've tried
through the years to discour
age this type of entertainment
among students especially
when Scout has been grazing
south of Lincoln and cans or
bottles have bit him on the
saddle.
But then, no one pays any
more attention to me than
they do to any other person
who writes in that other cam
pus paper.
One of the other big issues
before us this year has been
the question of codifying the
campus social policies.
I have always been against
that particular item presented
before the council by Mr.
Freeze. You can't expect any
codification in a private in
stitution, much less in a pub
lic one, don't you know.
Besides, it would destroy
the cat-and-mouse attitude be
tween the authorities and the
students if the latter private
interest group really knew
wbat was expected of them.
That's obvious eaough to me
or to anyone else who has
been around here as long as
I have.
Now, sirs, if I may touch
on another touchy problem
which has confronted the Uni
versity for a long time. Last
year a poet was around here
who made some silly charges
about lack of interest in the
arts.
This year, be couldnt make
any such charges. Why just
look at the people who went
to see Teahouse of the August
Moon to vote for the girl most
likely to spul tea on a G.I.
Now I understand the the
atre is planning a campaign
to select the girl most likely
to sizzle at the stake in con
nection with the next theatre
play The Lark."
In addition, there have been
a great number of interesting
comments in that paper about
Ondise. I hear plans for a
contest to name a girl most
likely to be caught in the net
was called off due to some
unexplained circumstances
(especially after the leading
lady got ber net caught on
the stairway).
I was twskaoad from fre
quent capnaps during the play
by the incessant pounding by
Stephe (The pointer) Shuiz of
bis stick upon the stage.
On, I could go on all night
making glib comments, bat
then there wouldn't be room
for the more caustic ones
about to follow.
Just let your readers know,
oh editor, that I, along with
the TNE's, am not dead.
J. SILVERHEELS
The Mudslinger
of -
Unaccustomed as I am to
reading anything in this al
leged newspaper, I could not
avoid reading the obnoxious,
abhorrent, repellant, disgust
i n t. Derni-
clous, under-r
handed muck
which "Red"
Shugrut
the yellow
1 o n r nalist t
who edits this -vilellttle
s n e e i
wrote as
criticism
the Universi- Mudslinger
ty track team's production of
"Lassie, Son of Flicka By Her
Second Marriage." Unfortu
nately, Mr. Shurgure makes
only semi-literate remarks
which are not worth mention
ing, so'l wont
Rumors have been circulat
ing that two of my fellow col
umnists are nincompoops. I
wish to squelch these stories.
Two of my fellow columnists
are not nincompoops.
My goodness, Erny Hines
has a pretty red sweater.
Have you noticed what a pret
ty red sweater Earnie Hines
has? Erniy Hines has such a
prvtty red sweater I can hard
ly believe it No one can be
lieve what a pretty red sweat
er Earrniey Hines has. Have
you seen Earniyy Hines' pret
ty red sweater? My God, It's
neat
And as for Melvin Eickle
berry ...
I have traditionally held the
view that every men has
right to express his own opin
ions. But when they reach the
sprawling proportions which
Mel's have . . . well, need
I say more?
Hardly an evening has
passed since the last day of
school and the subsequent hol
idays that I havent locked
myself into my bottle and
studied lines for the Kosmet
Klub show. I'm trying my
hardest to be as great as pot
Bible in the show.
If I surpass my perform
ance in Asclepius, I'll be go
ing some.
Rumors around the theatre
and around the campus in
general acknowledge my
prowess and I even hear they
are trying to throw me out of
the theatre for fear I would
be too much.
The claim actually runs that
the theatre doesnt want a tri
umvirate and what with Chill
Willis, Geney Peeyou and the
rest, I couldnt get to short
stop. (Clever, eh?)
rve been in constant touch
with Bridey Murphy over the
past few months. I'm hoping
she will put me in touch with
David Happily who, it's my
understanding, has gone the
same route to oblivion Bridey
went.
Then and only then will the
great poetry, reminiscent of
the days when Howls howled
down the halls, return to this
great literary field of honor.
Have I said enough?
Lover's
. . . Advice . . .
By Agnes Pheenamint
Unfair!
There is such a thing as
the administration getting too
dictatorial. I think it has
reached that point here at NU.
The thing that gripes me so
damn much is the way they
expect you to get your dates
in at early closing hours and
the rules that no men are al
lowed in the sorority bouses
after 1 a m. any morning.
What do they think this is a
grade school?
Tb ether morning I got my
date in at 4 am. So it was a
little late, but what of it?
You'd think I'd committed a
crime or something. ReaDy
all we did was discuss a little
philosophy and history. Isnt
that what school if for?
What year is this. 196?
What country is this, Russia?
CONFUSED
0 4 4
It's A Lie
To the Editor,
I wish to squelch the rumors
which have been circulating
that Builders is a Communist
front organization operating
under orders from Moscow to
discourage higher education
in the U.S.
It should be obvious to all
those who witnessed the re
cent marble tournament held
in the middle of the mall that
we are doing all w e can to en
courage graduating high
school seniors to come to the
U.
Moreover, we are convert
ing "First Glance" into a pic
ture magazine so that even
illiterates can have their
whack at publicity from our
fair institution.
MARG
Slisbeharior
To the Editor.
In these days of growing
juvenile delinquency, I had
not dreamed that any institu
tion of higher learning would
have the gall to publicly spon
tor misbehavior. I was
shocked therefore to find that
the University of Nebraska
sets one night of the year
aside for Coed Follu-i. Per
haps the administration be
lieves in progressive educa
tion, but I think it is only
fair to assume that if coeds
are going to have folhes, they
will do it on their own time
without encouragement
I should like advice on
where to take my problem.
JOHN CALVIN
Wnr It:
rmillT hctrll la caa.
tta mmmtt eat MM aiall ae IM
OSiea alalia Anmn.
44
Tobacco
To the Editor,
I don't mind faculty mem
bers coming to school in rag
ged old suits or unpolished
shoes, but I do object to their
spitting chewing tobacco all
over the desks in their lecture
rooms. I have had a 100
increase in my cleaning bills
because of these thoughtless
professors.
And what about having
them clean their finger nails ?
I hate to think that every pa
per I turn in is handled by
people with dirty fingernails.
FETISH
Dear Pheemmlnt,
My love belongs to a fra
ternity and he's a drunkard.
All fraternity boys aren't
drunkards but my love is. It's
getting to the point where he
never calls on me without
having liquor n his breath.
Now, when we go out he nev
er even talks to me except
to ask me to open a can of
beer or to put more ice in
his drink. How long should I
endure this? Mother thinks
he's a good boy in spite of
his drinking because his fath
er owns a couple of depart
ment stores, but surely they
cant expect me to go on like
this.
What makes it doubly bad
is that I don't drink. I haven't
had a drop to drink since our
pledge class had its initiation
blast at one of the girl's hous
es is Lincoln. I discovered
then that I'm a bora exhibi
tionist and so since have nev
er had a drop of booze.
Help me Pheenamint Help
me.
MISS SOBER
Der Sober,
Yoa're a slob. Why doi't
yea get drink and stop cry
ing ob other peoples shoul
ders? a a a
Dear Pbeeaamurt,
I read in our school paper
the other day that there is a
secret drinking soronty at the
University. This just makes
me skk. I love to drink. No
one loves to drink more than
I do. But now I'm unhappy.
I'm not a member of this so
rority, yet it's all I want in
Lie. Since learning about the
sorority I haven't been able
to drink a single drop of beer
without feeling remorseful.
What can I do? I have't have
a bad brealh. I'm pretty and
I bear that boys think I'm
a real w inner. Please give me
your advice.
MISS SICK
own drinking sorority. A good
name might be the Black
Squares.
Dear PheeaamM,
My life is ruined. There is
this cutest boy who has fallen
madly in love with me and
to whom I am also deeply
attached. There Is a catch
though. He has false teeth.
It was a child accident or
something.
There will sever be anoth
er love in my life but I cant
see french kissing him when
his teeth are out.1 Can you
offer me a solution?
MISS ANXIOUS
Dear AmxIobs,
Take it from me. Yea dont
know what yoa're missing.
a
Dear Pheenamint,
I'm in love with that taS
literary figure who writes for
the Rag and stars in Univer
sity Theatre Plays. How
should I go about seeing
him?
MA PERKINS
Dear Ma,
What ever yew do, see a
psychiatrist first.
r
Dear Sick,
Doa't be aa ass. Start your
1 1
iH A;-.(r.
ilXX,-.,JmV,Mmmm
Miss Pheenamint
Why
We like
NU
Still
candal
H i S i mm, V,
i
k- ( a
X
FBI investigators inspect still
As yet there Is no statement from ttm
University administration oa the discov
ery of a still in the ruins of Ellen Smith
HalL Chancellor Clifford HanSout would
say only, "School will not be dismissed
tomorrow." He denied that those were
hiccups which our reported heard ia
the background. Everyone else connect
ed with the University was reported in
disposed. Meanwhile rumors were f lo ati n g
around campus. (Reports that the ad
ministration was floating around cam
pus proved false.) Delta Tan Delta presi
dent Tom Nevski called in to say that
the Delt bell was confiscated in a re
cent raid; be wondered whether if could
have been melted down and if so "Tould
brass tubing make a good coil. Reports
that the still was connected to the Uni
versity heating system sent instructors
scurrying to radiators but proved ground
less. Meanwhile we are waiting breathlessly
for the scoop on this scandalous develop
ment. Come on, gang, spill the beans.
You know how badly we need a good
crusade to go on.
Hm lBhwr9. la mmtutm mi am ft tS1
