Poae 2
The Dotty Nebroskon
Tuesday, April 8, 1958
Editorial Comment
Women
.Bah!
9
5
I As of today this paper Is taking a firm
stand in favor of abolishing coeducation
I on the University pampus. In the face
of the terrible fix the world is in there
is no alternative. Women must make
room for more men, test tubes and slide
rules.
Detailed research has shown that be
fore Eve not one man failed an exami
nation. Now. look at thines. In fact.
S that's the whole trouble. When women
are around you are always looking at
things you aren't supposed to be look
ing at. Things like dimpled knees, rosy
checks and smooth swaying you know
whats.
Women must go. Down with women. We
mean out with women. We mean we
don't want women laying around on the
campus. We mean that it's hard to think
of anything else when you're thinking
of women.
What is the theory of relativity com
pared to the theory of relatives which
women are always trying to impress on
wen? What are books compared with
women's looks?
Women are only distractions. Get rid
of them. Down, down, down with wom
en! A check using only the best proved
Dr. Kinsey interview methods revealed
the real reasons women come to col
lege. A few comments follow:
Nancy Fancy, junior Po Boota Pho
Well, kid, if you don't stop asking me
if I just came to college to get a man
I'll knock hell out of you. Me, I came
to college to get culture. That's spelled
k-u-l-t-u-r-e.
Jaci Macter, sophomore Koona Koona
Goner No, I don't like school but I
don't like work either. My parents told
me find a man or get a job but don't
stay around the house drinking their
beer and smoking their cigarettes. Well,
I read somewhere that college men get
paid more dough later on so here I am.
I want to give my kids all I didn't have.
Maybe not quite all though.
Jerri Merrie, senior Dundy Gundy
What's it to you? If I thought it were
ycur business I'd tell you. I don't tell
guys my trade secrets for nothing. If
you're really Interested in knowing what
I came to college for you can take me
out to dinner, take me to your formal,
take me to a cocktail party, take me to
a movie, take me to the follies. Get the
drift? I don't dj anything for nothing.
Grubba Tubba, freshman Alfa Phalfa
You better believe I'm learning. Those
stories about flowers are nuts!
Mertie Misery, sophomore Alii Omph
Pah I'nr here because men are here,
and they're not only here but they are
here 3 to 1. Do you hear me 3 to 1? Back
in high school I sat home and played
Cinderalla but no prince ever called on
me with a glass slipper, so all I ever
did was knit and wash dishes. But here,
oh you kid, here even I am a belle of
the ball. Last week I got to turn down
15 dates. Do you hear me 15 dates?
That means I'm a queen. Do you under
stand? Me a queen, a queen, a queen!
I'm a queen I tell you. I'm a queen!
Ellie Preslie, senior Kuba Alii Thrash
erMen make me sick. One guy refused
to go out with me to our formal because
he had another date that night. Imagine
anyone turning down a Kubi Alii Thrash
er. And then another guy asked me out
for a coffee date and I said okay. Then
what does he do but take to the crib
for coffee. To the crib. And me a Kuba
Alii Thrasher. Can you really imagine
that? Men really do make me sick. Ex
cuse me. I gotta run. I'm already a
couple of hours late for my date. He's
probably still waiting out in the rain.
They can't come in the Kuba Alii Trash
er house when its raining. Get the rug
muddy you know.
Taffie Haffie, sophomore Soggy Doggy
Toggy Sure I came here to get mar
ried. What else? Do you think I'm dif
ferent or something?
Caril Congo, junior Doggy Doggy Dog
gyI've found out there's a lot more to
life than book learning.
Yes, men, these are the types of creat
ures who presently inhabit this fair
campus. These are the monsters who
go about disguised as Greek goddesses
wearing bermuda shorts and X covered
levis.
We must assert ourselves as the su
perior race and give up this senseless
coed race. Women . ; . bah!
From the Editor
private opinion
f
S A f
"Inchl bratch whegeru," Etaoin Shrdlu
said when I asked him what his stand
on the Sanitary Ship Canal was.
Shrdlu, Republican candidate for canal
Inspector was in Lincoln over the holi
days to inspect the waterworks and let
go a few blasts at Lincoln garbage col
lection agencies.
Astfa alzay, ont hardlug conlelsigs, he
told me candidly last
Thursday evening as we
drove along the country
road leading from
Tony's Happy Corner to
the ship canal. He
couldn't believe that so
much mud and so many ,
tin cans could be clut
tering up tne road way ,
along the ship canal. LA.
"Whyt turka onslo ar- Shrd,u
duthma anglugnos edi
tan," he declaimed as we took the turn
down near the Ranch House. And when
we entered the double doors he stood
awed at the xeusa which seemed to
swing back and forth from the chandeliers.
I asked him how the campaign for
"i the coming election was coming after
9 I. - .1 L.J 1 .. I 1 .1
I and he couldn't say anything. "Dot yinkl
I tarnu?" he asked me. I couldn't really
tell him for sure, though since I hadn't
-much connection with the Republican
!party ontside of the fancy invitation I
"had to join its ranks.
"Youkre, handi," he added, however.
With that I stomped away from the
table and out to the car leaving him
stranded far from the lights of the
city, far from the coziness of the Pow
Wow Room, far from the throbbing
handshake of M. Stormer, party wheel.
Not much else happened around Lin
coln land over the holidays.
Ireland
. . dick shugrue
Except the burning of the old Oliver
Theatre down on 13th Street.
Let's see, was that this Easter or was
it some other time? Gee, I can't re
member. I'll have to ask Nell tonight.
Remember Bob Ireland? There's a boy
who used to be around the University
until something happened to him. I don't
exactly know what it
was, but something very
important, a p p arently.
Those were good old
days when Ellen Smith
was still wearing her!
hat and Charles Miller
was just a professor of
Business Administration.
Well, this Ireland guy
lammed it with my copy
of Sen. John Kennedy's
Profiles in Courage. I
understand he is planning to follow Ken
nedy's style and write a book about
famous deans of men rather than of fa
mous Senators.
He must be memorizing the format of
the book, he's had it so long.
No news from Joe Hill, ambassador of
the West in New York City. The last
word we had from him he said, "Keep
writing the truth." That's no kidding.
The letter came right after the review
of Ondine.
Here's something we missed last week.
It was National Laugh Week.
And a lot of things to laugh at, too.
Cuban Revolution planning the slaughter
of any person who tries to keep another
person from working. That would mean
Casey would be shot on sight. Also, the
Reds have poisoned our atmosphere, Sen.
Humphrey told members of Congress.
Then there was the news of Lana Tur
ner's boy friend being stabbled by her
daughter.
Yes, sir, National Laugh Week.
Ha Fink Cine
SIXTY-SEVEN TEARS OLD itiii f what thj my,
. or do or cause to he printed.
Member: Associated Collegiate Press ineieentntir. an editorial matter in thin particular
IBiercouerisie rresa advertlnment I on the level.
Representative: National Advertlsiui 8ui-m.tioii rate. to the Daily TM.ra.kan an ss.so
t . . - " per emeter or t for the aeeilemle year.
SCtTlce incorporated Entered s nerond elaw matter at the pout office
Fublbhed at: Hootn l. Student Cn!on ltUneo,B- """' Dd" ,h ' Au"k
Lincoln. Nebraska EDITORIAL STArr
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rr ate, or near, or eartjr. or late, except during 4lh A..i,twlt to Above Oeor Moy
eatin and exam perkxi and other fentive oera- Nneturnal eonr boy Oa Rodga
mum. It t wrtten by the writer and l not under the other AtHtant. . . fia Rodre. Dla Maxwe.
MtborlKa,tlm ol the Committee on Student Affair. P Flannlc. f'nrrn Kra, tiretrh .Sid.
PnhhYtttlonn under the )rldletlon of the Huh- Ailtant to AanlHtanta . .Marcar W'ertm, He Prnha.
nrmmttee on student Puhlteathmn are ftiibjeet to t'harl Sml
editorial een.whlp on the part of the Htibrnmmit- Ronklioeper .Jr Selleiit
tee or on the part of any member of the faeulty of AxlilanU to Bookkeeper . ...T Ne, St Kalm, B Sml
oka lolwreit. Tha meaioera ol the Flak Has staff Stamp llcker .........dot tm
" A
lit my candidate for Chancellor.
Nebraskan Letterip
I'm Alive
To the Editor:
Aha! You and every other
miserable person on this cam
pus thought I was dead or
had moved away. But you all
were wrong, as you have been
about most things since the
time I came to this school
following the close of the
World War.
I have been watching the
progress of Rod Mole and
Melwyn Ekelberg over the
past few weeks and if I might
candidly comment they are
certainly bad, aren't they?
The campus and the stu
dents have improved in one
respect, though.
And that's with regard to
the grass. This time of year
I think it's very heartening to
see green on all sides of me
as I ride by. Sqout has helped
to maintain the greenness of
the grass, I might boast. But
then if I did some wise acre
would make nasty com
ment. That's the way It al
ways is.
Now If I may look back on
the past weeks and briefly
comment on the major issues
which have come before the
campus I'd start with the dis
missal of Robert Scotland as
the news editor of the other
campus newspaper, the Daily
Nebraskan.
Scotland was caught r e d
nosed. And when that happens
you can expect the bottle to
be thrown at you. I've tried
through the years to discour
age this type of entertainment
among students especially
when Scout has been grazing
south of Lincoln and cans or
bottles have hit him on the
saddle.
But then, no one pays any
more attention to me than
they do to any other person
who writes in that other cam
pus paper.
One of the other big issues
before us this year has been
the question of codifying the
campus social policies.
I have always been against
that particular item presented
before the council by Mr.
Freeze. You can't expect any
codification in a private in
stitution, much less in a pub
lic one, don't you know.
Besides, it would destroy
the cat-and-mouse attitude be
tween the authorities and the
students if the latter private
interest group really knew
what was expected of them.
That's obvious enough to me
or to anyone else who has
been around here as long as
I have.
Now, sirs, if I may touch
on another touchy problem
which has confronted the Uni
versity for a long time. Last
year a poet was around here
who made some silly charges
about lack of interest in the
arts.
This year, he couldn't make
any such charges. Why just
look at the people who went
to see Teahouse of the August
Moon to vote for the girl most
likely to spill tea on a G.I.
Now I understand the the
atre is planning a campaign
to select the girl most likely
to sizzle at the stake in con
nection with the next theatre
play "The Lark."
In addition, there have been
a great number of interesting
comments in that paper about
Ondine. I hear plans for a
contest to name a girl most
likely to be caught in the net
was called off due to some
unexplained circumstances
(especially after the leading
lady got her net caught on
the stairway).
I was nwakaaed from fre-
The Mudslinger
of
quent capnaps during the play
by the incessant pounding by
Stephe (The pointer) ShuLz of
his stick upon the stage.
On, I could go on all night
making glib comments, but
then there wouldn't be room
for the more caustic ones
about to follow.
Just let your readers know,
oh editor, that I, along with
the TNE's, am not dead.
J. SILVERHEELS
fr if r
Unfair!
There is such a thing as
the administration getting too
dictatorial. I think it has
reached that point here at NU.
The thing that gripes me so
damn much is the way they
expect you to get your dates
in at early closing hours and
the rules that no men are al
lowed in the sorority houses
after 1 a.m. any morning.
What do they think this is a
grade school?
Thcther morning I got my
date in at 4 a.m. So it was a
little late, but what of it?
You'd think I'd committed a
crime or something. Really
all we did was discuss a little
philosophy and history. Isn't
that what school if for?
What year is this, 1984?
What country is this, Russia?
CONFUSED
ft A
It's A Lie
To the Editor,
I wish to squelch the rumors
which have been circulating
that Builders is a Communist
front organization operating
under orders from Moscow to
discourage higher education
in the U.S.
It should be obvious to all
those who witnessed the re
cent marble tournament held
in the middle of the mall that
we are doing all we can to en
courage graduating high
school seniors to come to the
U.
Moreover, we are convert
ing "First Glance" into a pic
ture magazine so that even
illiterates can have their
whack at publicity from our
fair institution.
MARG
ft ft r
Misbehavior
To the Editor,
In these days of growing
juvenile delinquency, I had
not dreamed that any institu
tion of higher learning would
have the gall to publicly spon
s o r misbehavior. I was
shocked therefore to find that
the University of Nebraska
sets one night of the year
aside for Coed Follies. Per
haps the administration be
lieves in progressive educa
tion, but I think it is only
fair to assume that if coeds
are going to have follies, they
will do it on their own time
without encouragement.
I should like advice on
where to take my problem.
JOHN CALVIN
Dear J.rk:
Prehebly Hi. kxlcal alaee le rem
ain, about rood follle. wld be the
OHIe af student Affair..
Editor
ft ft ft
Tobacco
To the Editor,
I don't mind faculty mem
bers coming to school in rag
ged old suits or unpolished
shoes, but I do object to their
spitting chewing tobacco all
over the desks in their lecture
rooms. I have had a 100
increase in my cleaning bills
because of these thoughtless
professors.
' . And what about having
them clean their finger nails?
I hate to think that every pa
per I turn in is handled by
people with dirty fingernails.
FETISH
Unaccustomed as I am to
reeding anything in this al
leged newspaper, I could not
avoid reading the obnoxious,
abhorrent, repellant, disgust
i n g, perni-
clous, under-1 i
handed muckf
which "Red" I f
Shueruei 4 t
the yellow n
jour nalist I -
who edits this
vile 1 1 1 1 1 e p
s n e e i
wrote as
criticism
the Universi- Mudsllneer
ty track team's production of
"Lassie, Son of Flicka By Her
Second Marriage." Unfortu
nately, Mr. Shurgure makes
only semi-literate remarks
which are not worth mention
ing, so 'I won't.
Rumors have been circulat
ing that two of my fellow col
umnists are nincompoops. I
wish to squelch these stories.
Two of my fellow columnists
are not nincompoops.
My goodness, Erny Hines
has a pretty red sweater.
Have you noticed what a pret
ty red sweater Earnie Hines
has? Erniy Hines has such a
pretty red sweater I can hard
ly believe it. No one can be
lieve what a pretty red sweat
er Earrniey Hines has. Have
you seen Earniyy Hines' pret
ty red sweater? My. God, it's
neat.
And as for Melvin Eickle
berry . . .
I have traditionally held the
view that every man has
right to express his own opin
ions. But when they reach the
sprawling proportions which
Mel's have . . . well, need
I say more?
Hardly an evening has
passed since the last day of
school and the subsequent hol
idays that I haven't locked
myself Into my bottle and
studied lines for the Kosmet
Hub show. I'm trying my
hardest to be as great as pos
sible in the show.
If I surpass my perform
ance in Ascleplus, I'll be go
ing some.
Rumors around the theatre
and around the campus in
general acknowledge my
prowess and I even hear they
are trying to throw me out of
the theatre for fear I would
be too much.
The claim actually runs that
the theatre doesn't want a tri
umvirate and what with Chill
Willis, Geney Peeyou and the
rest, I couldn't get to short
stop. (Clever, eh?)
I've been in constant touch
with Bridey Murphy over the
past few months. I'm hoping
she will put me in touch with
David Happily who, it's my
understanding, has gone the
same route to oblivion Bridey
went.
Then and only then will the
great poetry, reminiscent of
the days when Howls howled
down the halls, return to this
great literary field of honor.
Have I said enough?
Lover's
Advice
Dear Pheenamlnt,
My love belongs to a fra
ternity and he's a drunkard.
All fraternity boys aren't
drunkards but my love is. It's
getting to the point where he
never calls on me without
having liquor on his breath.
Now, when we go out he nev
er even talks to me except
to ask me to open a can of
beer or to put more ice in
his drink. How long should I
endure this? Mother thinks
he's a good boy in spite of
his drinking because his fath
er owns a couple of depart
ment stores, but surely they
can't expect me to go on like
this.
What makes It doubly bad
is that I don't drink. I haven't
had a drop to drink since our
pledge class had its initiation
blast at one of the girl's hous
es in Lincoln. I discovered
then that I'm a born exhibi
tionist and so since have nev
er had a drop of booze.
Help me Pheenamint. Help
me.
MISS SOBER
Dear Sober,
You're a slob. Why don't
you get drunk and stop cry
ing on other peoples' shoul
ders? a
Dear Pheenamint,
I read in our school paper
the other day that there is a
secret drinking sorority at the
University. This just makes
me sick. I love to drink. No
one loves to drink more than
I do. But now I'm unhappy.
I'm not a member of this so
rority, yet it's all I want in
life. Since learning about the
sorority I haven't been able
to drink a single drop of beer
without feeling remorseful.
What can I do? I have't have
a bad breath. I'm pretty and
I hear that boys think I'm
a real winner. Please give me
your advice.
MISS SICK
Dear Sick,
Don't be an ass. Start your
By Agnes Pheenamint
own drinking sorority. A good
name might be the Black
Squares.
Dear Pheenamint,
My life is ruined. There is
this cutest boy who has fallen
madly in love with me and
to whom I am also deeply
attached. There is a catch
though. He has false teeth.
It was a child accident or
something.
There will never be anoth
er love in my life but I can't
3e french kissing him when
s teeth are out. Can you
offer me a solution?
MISS ANXIOUS
Dear Anxious,
Take it from me. Yon dont
know what you're missing.
Dear Pheenamint,
I'm in love with that tall
literary figure who writes for
the Rag and stars in Univer
sity Theatre Plays. How
should I go about seeing
him?
MA PERKINS
Dear Ma,
What ever you do, see a
psychiatrist first.
,:nt 1 Ja. ' t,. J
j tx " V i
J.
) 'IT!
f A. 4f-
t- -' s
i ; . i
I
Miss Pheenamint
Why
We Like
NU
Still S
I I
: e"" S I I .' f
7 If
- f J
f ' If v
-JVf: llf "J
canda
FBI investigators inspect still
As yet there Is no statemeat from fca
University administration on the discov
ery of a still in the ruins of Ellen Smith
Hall. Chancellor Clifford Hardlout would
say only, "School will not be dismissed
tomorrow." He denied that those wert
hiccups which our reported heard in
the background. Everyone else connect
ed with the University was reported in
disposed. Meanwhile rumors were floating
around campus. (Reports that the ad
ministration was floating around cam
pus proved false.) Delta Tau Delta presi
dent Tom Nevski called in to say that
the Delt bell was confiscated in a re
cent raid; he wondered whether it could
have been melted down and if so would
brass tubing make a good coil. Reports
that the still was connected to the Uni
versity heating system sent instructors
scurrying to radiators but proved ground
less. Meanwhile we are waiting breathlessly
for the scoop on this scandalous develop
ment. Come on, gang, spill the beans.
You know how badly we need a good
cruoade to go on.
