ft ' :
1 UNIVERSITY ... VJ
UL Hosts Polygamy Mo
Ilardout Gets the Axe Chancellor Cliff Hardnnt Is riven nn
tative of an alumnae group.
indication of bigger things
Students Now Play
Grab-bag With Profs
Senate Accepts Faculty Evaluation Plan
In a surprise meeting dur
ing Spring vacation, the Fac
ulty Senate voted 349 to 1 to
accept the Student Council
approved Teacher evaluation
program.
Only one revision to the
Council-proposed plan was
added. The Senate amended
the proposal so that students
will have the final say in
whether or not faculty mem
bers will receive renewed
contracts every semester.
Some discussion on whether
the contracts should go be
fore the students every se
mester was raised but a nar
row majority defeated the
proposal.
Student's Decision
"We feel that since the Uni
rersity is solely for the bene
fit of the students, they and
Ml?. they- bould-decide wHo
their instructors should be,"
commented Felix Fumbler,
associate professor of astrol
ogy. "Hrrrmph," comment
ed Dim Fizzle, professor of
hypnotic suggestion. Prof.
Fizzle, who cast the sole
negative vote at the Senate
gathering, said that faculty
contracts had always been
made by the lottery method,
and that was how they should
always be awarded.
The Faculty Senate made
the historic decision during
an unscheduled meeting after
the annual Faculty Ice Cream
Social.
Helen Girley Student Coun
cil president, said the
r .- ;, tj,! 'i- '"-"'jf
k res ' I
r - '
SHARE SCARE A University Young Republican emphati
cally denies any present "economic crisis" as she talks be
fore the group. Young Democrats failed to voice dissension
to the blond politico.
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The gift was presented, the unidentified woman said, as an
to come.
Council is planning other
programs for presentation to
the Faculty Senate.
"There are many other
projects the Council could
undertake this year," Miss
Girly commented.
The Council will present
these proposals to the Senate
May 4, date of the annual
NU Bored Regents
End Parking, Problem
Solons Appropriate
Many $ For Fund
The Univesity parking prob
lem has been solved!
The University Bored. Re
gents cameto a decision
about the parking problem
after a heated seven minute
debate Monday.
Regent Sore Feet suggested
that automobile parking be
abolished completely. In
place of cars, all students will
be permitted to peddle bi
cycles to class.
The state legislature has
allotted $1,777,993.03 for the
setting up of bicycle stands.
The University police are
co-operating with the plan by
allowing new bicycle permits
cost of $10. Fraternities and
to be obtained at the bargain
sororities may purchase
blocks of permits for $175.
The Selleck Quadrangle
parking lot will be closed to
students. That area will be
Jll
yp trnm n irlroH
Faculty trek to Kansas.
"This marks a new era in
University life," commented
Henry Hardernnalls, assistant
professor of coffeebreak psy
chology. "From now on, all the stu
dents have to do is ask. We
will go along with them," he
added.
sodded and transformed into
a practice football field for
girls, according to Feet.
nfl now fiila will ns trt
into effect until February 31
ot tne: coming year. ;
"This will allow the stii
dents time to sell their cars
and invest in bicycles." said
Feet.
"Our new plan will allow
professors to drive motorcy
cles to school, provided they
reside more than 2 blocks
away," Feet continued.
Students with a nine aver
age or above will be provided
with a Rolls Royce in rec
ognition of their high achieve
ment. The cost of the Rolls Royces
will be paid by Chancellor
Clifford Hardout. Gas money
will be provided by the Red
Dots.
Many students have ex
pressed approval of the bi
cycles idea.
Speedy Schwin commented,
"I think it is a grand plan.
So does my father. He says
his store will be open 24
hours a day until the rush is
over."
H a r 1 e y Davidson men
tioned, "The faculty has got
ten a good deal. Discounts
on motor cycles are to be
given to professors who trade
in cars older than 1914
models."
Winston Church, of Stars-on-Alabama,
England, proved
the most delighted. "Maybe
bicycle racing will get a foot
hold in this country yet," he
declared.
Cattvalk?s
Honor Note
Restored
The Daily Nebraskan
wishes to publicly apoligize
for the outdated picture run
Courtesy Sunday
Journal and Star
Then
Now
of IMC president Gary Cad
walk. A more recent photo
graph appears above.
The erring picture was
falsely obtained from the
Hysterical Society instead of
the correct files.
Cadwalk was elected presi
dent of the inter maternity
council last week. He is rest
ing quietly.
U ( if 1
Ali Khann, (pronounced ale-a-can)
is a last minute re
placement for Rodriquez Ice
creme Choen as speaker for
the United Litchens conver
ence to be held here this
week.
Khann, delegate from Pu
kistin, should be an effective
speaker, commented Spin
Withberger, conference chair
man. This is because of
Khann's great experience in
affairs dear to the heart of
inn!
L'
Vol. 32, No. 90
Barf:
Casey9 s Cops
Popular Bar
Survey Title
Casey's came out first in
the recent campus survey
taken to determine the most
popular local bar frequented
by University students, ac
cording to a Pub Board
member.
Tony's Happy Corner and
the Royal Grove finished well
behind the winner in a second
place tie, and the Grill was
disappointed with third.
The Bismark and Rocky's
put on a spirited battle and
emerged in a tie for the
fourth spot.
Determinants of the sur
vey, recorded, on Univac,
were total consumption by
University customers, best
hostesses, best shuffleboard
and other recreational gim
micks, and best restroom fa
cilities.
Casey's scored another tri
umph when their hostess, Nell
Helm, emerged as winner in
that part of the competition.
"It was a real honor to be
chosen as top hostess by the
University students," Nell
said. "And I'm doubly happy
to hear Casey's was the fa
vorite bar. We hope we can
live up to the honors be
stowed on us.
Disgruntled losers yelled
foul , when survey results
were made known, but Dean
Colburn, survey chairman,
assured them that the survey
was conducted impartially.
Casey's was chosen "Best
Bar in Town" in the recent
Pink Rag campus survey,
Tony's Happy Corner and the
Royal Grove fought to t h e
wire for a second place tie.
The Grill disappointed with
third and the Bismark and
Rocky's tied for fourth.
Several bars claimed "foul"
after results were made
known, but Dean Colburn as
sured the bars that the sur
vey was impartial and was
conducted on Univac.
Merger Joins
Teachers, AS
Pencil Sharpener
Expenses Cited
Shortage of funds has
caused one more compromise
on the University campus.
Latest in the series of
"m a k e-do" arrangements
caused by overexpenditures
of University funds on pencil
sharpeners is the consolida
tion of Teachers College and
Arts and Sciences.
"During the Summer Ses
sions we will be able to iron
out any possible difficulties,"
commented J.' B. Poof, newly
named dean of the combined
colleges.
"This has been my fondest
hope during the years I
served as dean of Teachers
College," were the departing
words of Flank Heinrik.
"I have always dreamed of
joining the two colleges, since
their ideals and goals are so
homogeneous," commented
Wallace Milkner, ex-dean of
the College of Arts and Sci
ences. Chancellor Clifmerc Hard
up said the name of the com
bined Colleges has not yet
been decided upon.
Enrollment Up
James Bittenger revealed
today that Dean A. C. Dreck
enridge disclosed yesterday
that Chancellor Clifford Gard
in said Sunday that there are
still "three or four" vacancies
for 1958-59 enrollment in
Teachers College.
"All other departments and
schools seem filled up," the
spokesman for the spokesman
said.
every University student, she
continued.
Choen
Ice creme Choen, undersec
retary of the Untrustworthy
Council of the United Litch
ens, was unable to attend the
conference here because of a
recent South American Rev
olution. Choen is no longer a mem
ber of his country's represen
tatives since he lost his head
daring the revolution.
Sly Council Elects Tribunal
To Undermine Student Vote
pf ft f ' f t'Sj""
WHO SAID HE WAS REAL Proody Tomorrow puffs on
her pipe as she emphatically denies rumors to the effect
that her controversial friend "Buck" Eiklebergg "doesn't
have a head on his shoulders."
Warmahings Enter
Advanced Training
Special to the Rag
M & N High officials in
the University school of
warmak i n g (ROTC) re
leased today the lists of
basic cadets planning to go
into the advanced corps.
They are:
William Wought (Army)
Ivan Kordcvovich (Air
Force)
Edward Jaypea (Navy)
Loose n Tight
Loose in the middle and
tight around . the bottom
that's how one fashion-wise
Cornhusker described the
"dress without a waist."
Or, if that definition does
n't suit, there's another stu
dent's remark that the dress
is a "swinging thing that
fits in the right places and
loose in the wrong ones."
Six o'clock classes will be dismissed ten minutes early
Sunday so the entire student body will have the opportunity
to hear the distinguished Elizabethan comedy star, J. Pier
pont Suckettash. 1
Dr. Suckettash, a native of the Ukraine, will speak on
the topic, "Are toadstools necessary to make the diet of
owls unbalanced?"
Khann will discuss the fin
er points of fast horses and
women as well as other im
portant international prob
lems facing the United Litch
ens today.
Polygamy
Other points to be covered
in his talk will be of similar
interest to University stu
dents, many of whom consid
er Khann their idol, comment
ed Miss Withberger.
PII
Lincoln, Nebraska
Greeks Provide
Recession Aid;
Move To Dorm
All fraternities and soror
ities will be disbanded next
year, Lyle Handsome, Inde
pendent, said.
The move was taken in light
of the recent economic crisis,
Handsome said.
"New dormitories to hold all
the old and new students will
have to be built and all the
fraternity and sorority houses
will have to be torn down.
Think of all the jobs it will
create," he said.
Elwin Heckleberry and
Gary Catwalk could not be
reached for possible divergent
statements.
is"
i
'f, t
Researcher At
Khann plans to give h i s
views on existing social ta
boo and local prejudices,
such as the one in this coun
try which frowns on polyg
amy. "This is one of those blue
laws that is keeping the Unit
ed Mates so underpopulated,"
Khann remarked at a recent
meeting of the United Litch
ens. Improved Morale
"The morale of the Ameri-
Shady Characters
Dominate Choices
The Student Council, meeting in secret Sunday afternoon
at a southern suburb of Lincoln, selected the members of the
student tribunal.
The Tribunal, which was approved by the Regents last
week, will settle all matters of conduct involving students in
the University.
Council President Helen
Girley stated that the deci
sions were tough ones to make
but the council came through
the ordeal in great shape.
Members of the Tribunal
are:
Bob Scotland, junior in Arts
and Sciences who will handle
all briefs and cases pertaining
to the (liquor) situation on
the campus . . .
Melvyn Eikelberrg, sopho
more in the Teachers College
who will handle cases involV'
ing fraternity men. Said the
new member of the tribunal
in a.special interview with the
Pink Rag, "I will exercise my
usual fairness with those
Greek nitwits."
Trombone Hardingstrasser
fink, who will handle all cases
pertaining to traffic charges.
Hardingstrasservink is a sen
ior at University High and
has a motorcycle and a
matching cap so that he will
efficiently race after all of
fenders. DeWitt Clinton, graduate in
Canal Engineering, who will
oversee the board.
A secret courier told mem
bers of the Pink Rag staff
that Bruce Bruggwoman will
return to the Lincoln campus
from a brief heigera in the
East to handle all charges
brought by members of the
faculty to the tribunal.
Council president Girley
declined to say who the
faculty members on the tri
bunal will be, but a reliable
sources on the third floor of
the administration building
said that Bruce Candle, friend
of the miserable student,
would take over one of the
jobs from his carrel in the
Joselyn Memorial Gallery in
Omaha. Candle is reported to
have a short wave radio in the
carrel with which he can keep
in touch with things on the
Lincoln campus.
The final faculty member,
reports have it, will be Bob
Skylark, who has accepted a
job as assistant to the assist
ant dean of student affairs for
the coming year.
Here are some of the com
ments emminent cpuncil
members had to make about
the appointments:
Dave Keeny, holdover mem
Work Researching
An authority on the subject, Dr. Suckettash has re
cently returned from ten years study of toadstools on the
island of Tahiti. According to him, the work was quite diffi
cult due to other attractions on the island which kept get
ting his attention.
The above picture shows Dr. Suckettash doing some re
search work for Sunday's lecture.
kan man would be greatly
stimulated by removing this
outdated restriction on his
freedom," added Khann.
Delegations to the United
Litchens conference must be
registered by Wednesday
noon, Miss Withberger stated.
"We already have over 10
delegations registered," she
said.
Registration fees are $1 and
two tootsie roll wrappers for
an entire delegation.
Tuesday, April 8, 1958
ber for the last few years:
mis tribunal is really great,
man. We've done a lot of work,
you know. Yes sir, this was
a great idea of mine."
Proody Tomorrow, ag stu
dent: "Who me say some
thing? ..."
Dave Roads: "I just hope
the meetings will be held in
the Library. I can't get out of
the place and want to hear
what's going on."
Kem Freez, council agitator
and close friend of the ad
ministration: 's a pleasure
to see the faculty and the stu
dents working together. I hope
all the meetings will be codi
fied." -
Shara Jone, debater and
friend of the conformist: "If
only we could have riven C.
Sried Mitchel's case to the
tribunal . . ."
Very few other comments
were understandable over the
din of the meeting room.
Seven Die
In ROTC
Mishap
Seven Army ROTC students
were killed Monday when a
sophomore dropped' a shell in
a mortar.
The mortar, located in B-5
M & N, was being used as
an instruction aid in the MS
class, when Egbert Trowel
who wanted "to see how the
mortar would function in fir
ing," dropped the shell, which
he had bought at a local drug
store, into the barrel.
The mortar shell burst
through the ceiling and killed
the students who were having
a session on military discip
line on the first floor.
The students were taken to
Student Health where all died.
Administration officials ex
pressed "shock" at hearin?
that no University Army pers
onnel were injured. The class
instructor. Set. H a w s t o n.
laughed it off as a "childish
pranK ana said that he was
sure that Trowel "meant no
harm."
List of the dead and injured
has been withheld pending
notification of housemothers.
, v
.
