f
i
;,,)
The Daily NIebro skon
Monday, Aprnjj
'r not
J when tht bif boy opened his
ss from Omaha to Scottsbluff knew
sasis would just mean more taxes
i afford more taxes? After all,
. janebers had to sell one or two of
s and one of their Continentals to
. set on the prairies this year. Many
jobs as the vast population of Ns
13 let two or three servants go.
f inevitable and the governor knew it
it call one morning a few months
..wersation recorded faithfully by our
x Jim Bagerty, went like this, "Vic?
js know that we Ye tryin to get a
ugh this session."
:f, I know it. But I cant afford to
es out in Havelock raised any more.
re a lot of folks in the same position
: Ye we gonna work it, guv?"
t, buddy. But I'm sure you "n me 'n
; work sumpin out."
2 keep in touch with you. Bye."
ns of the Cornhusker state who have
' tlirough the days of drought, the great
ry and the Battle of Gettysburg-On-,
9 ready for the action of the Uni-
weren't ready for the shocking results
ed out of the chambers Saturday and
fold leaf ceilings from 21st and A to
aveksck. After huddles with the gov-
Regents, Joe Bovey and Joe Smith
Hardin announced the results of a bill
Ihe legislature which will change the
structure of Nebraska and once again
rnhusker state in a position of leader
.cation and manufacturing.
Jents, you can begin to cheer. The
i the millions of words poured over it
A-peks and months have been abolished.
& decree has come down to us from
jtus end the State of Nebraska will be
i no more worry from the University of "
r reported to his bosses late Sunday
Hie wheels of the new operations had
j motion. From his helicopter high
roof of the state penitentiary our re
i set trucks full of machinery heading
.!th Street. He could see the gatea
? as a familiar man with a pipe in bis
-eled in his files and set up offices.
City Hecreation offices of Lincoln had
; the local Men's Comfort station not
one year ago, tht Wheels of the University ma.
chihery took over the newly constructed Maxi
mum Security Pen of the state prison and started
pulling the strings of the great workings of this
institution.
The Pink Rag has been given new task among
other things. We have been informed by the
Public P.elations office that henceforth all news
releases would be done in our headquarters.
Sorority girls have been pushed out into the
streets at least -on the fringes of the campus
where no one else notices to make way for the
state license manufacturing equipment.
Amidst bitter cries Norman Gaske of the Art
Department has been sent a communique that
his mea will begin immediate work on designing
1) the licence plates for the next seven years;
2) the migratory game bird stamp for the '57
hunting season.
Former coach Pete Elliott sent a letter via
Betabird from California with this significant
statement shortly after midnight on Sunday
morning. "I knew something was up on the
campus when I received a memo from the
Grounds Department that from the second week
of spring practice all men would wear plow disks
on their grid shoes and that I was to make sure
all practice sessions ended with running drills at
the University's experimental farms. My sus
picions were confirmed when Bill Jennings wired
me asking if it were not strange to have fertil
izer tractors follow the boys around while run
ning drills."
Some repercussions have been heard from the
Business Administration where Charles Miller is
reported to have exclaimed, "They want me and
my colleagues to get jobs other than our work
here. Dont they know that biz ad people can't
be expected to handle real work 'out there'?"
And so the University turns from the relatively
peaceful state of a quiet sophisticated, literary
1 atmosphere to a wild rash to get the best jobs
first. Over in the counseling service Dr. War
nath has said that the seniors would be given
first preference for the better jobs. And Casey
needs a new dr a tighter.
The University will make out all right without
a budget. We have seen what a budget could do
to our school and we won't let it happen. Ne
braska must remain strong and it can only do so
by being divorced from state support. Chancel
lor Hardin admonished from maximum security
late Sunday to every single student, "Help!
Help! Lemme out!"
IgsIq
I
i you, the little guy, who had been
, down the highways with no regard
i limit, for the school "go slow"
r tie safety of the people oa - the
ould have been a different story. .
news 1 - i come over the airwavera
X " ;. a Ueanish attempt to set
' liit It would have been a different '
at. A 1 j - X lecsuse the helicopters
a to t ? r. ' c 1 VT..'.te House landing
Oie tL . 1 r.-j green) he thought
all- i tJ f-7 just the same to
jge ftf J'a cV earns.
. ';ht hi' c t . j'.t tim a lesson. But
- i a e!.ij. i l.v a real one and
,iUna t s;rsi al ir.g the highways
s of tbe East Coast.
. i in Nebraska wJssre cops get tickets
-.
V f I
and school boys stand trial for double parking,
this kind of activity on the part of a national
official, cannot be condoned. We're proud to
see that he didn't want to waste any time. But
we'd hate to see what would happen if he
died. After all, look who's left!
And then there's Mamie. If Berlin,Lqndon,
Paris, tanks and cannons couldn't do it, then
bow would she feel if a crumby ole car did?
Oh Tempora, Oh mores! Public officials must
not get away with speeding. Sometimes there
are such things as ticket fixes but this can't
be condoned either.
The solution to the problem lies with the
American people. If he can speed then so can
we. And if he can take the chances of poor
little school children who have the misfortune
of being educated along the highways and bi
ways, then so can we.
T "
r
Bosi
Caniff Us &xM a
'. terrible) fcing-Ae
anphfl? fese that b&s
; aie. If that 'action
r of th basics
: meriean Way.
yws, in comic
' j always win,
- v . "J-nice-guys. -
rt Stumphul
ce. This was
a why .they
n, since it
:ntZ?9iZ3, the story.
'Jso, they had a cute little
as coach, who was a
:er strateeian. And finally,
re were only six poor little
leer's kids on the team, all of
; l.ich had clean faces. That
Carsgf must hate " everybody,
t 1;6 a team like that lose.
And, of course, there is that
Calhoua broad, who is wicked
snd nasty beyond belief and .
reason, mi who should be run
out of town on a rail. -
So slttie m you, Mr. Caniff.
May you lie in your bed in
snoitpl terror, quaking at the
sound of &e Ivch mobs rip-
or four or five or six
-i
ping up your gate post You
have dealt the youth of Amer
ica a mortal blow, Mr. Caniff.
Most likely any sharp rises
ia juvenile delinquency over
the next year or so will be
traced back directly to young
people despondent over Stump
hill's fate.
And we never did find out
what the score was in that
longest of all basketball games
ever played on this continent.
The University has been
guardedly referred to a few
times in the past as a "cultural
desert" by those who have
cause to care anything about
it.
The overflowing crowd at
the Horror Show last month
should smash these rumors
pretty welL v
There has been a lot of tak
lately about the parking situa
tion. Instead of all this talk,
something should probably be
done, 8$ talking only takes up
time that could better be spent
doing other things, like in civil
engineering corre ipondence
. courses.
A little committee working
unobtrusively in the alley be
hand the Grill has come up
with what looks like a farily
good solution do away with
cars entirely and replace them
with horses!
First it would give the cam
pus a Western atmosphere that
would look good on the covers
of Alumni magazines and col
lege bulletins.
Secondly, the results of this
changeover could probably be
put to use by the Ag College.
Thirdly, the University could
do away with Big Time Foot
ball and put in a crackerjack
pole team.
There all sorts of advantages
to this proposal, which will be
thought up and discussed at
the next meeting of the com
mittee. Every time I even think of
that Caniff rat I want to go out
and kick a freshman, or some
.hing.
David Happily is dead!
good thing too, yon tutor .
He started people to thin"
ing and talking and that i
bad, as everyone knows.
FH"
Baily
? ...te Treas
J
Service,
- , ttne is tft
it i r twUy
C, y. i,Ul-VSr:iV, Til
uf tbf c9.c$a 6
Nebraskan
EDITOE1AL STAFF
editot .........FHt Osiy
Maawlns Editor J FoUoeli
i!;itril run ZSltot lrk Shirrw
Hew EHtr Bum lot". Bob Ireland
wort aSiti . .Hob Martel
tiouw f.uium Art Blsekman, Carol Frank
Georf Moyer. Boa Warhol old
NStht Kcwa Editor.... Goaru Mayer
At tl!t IFalter Patteraoa
M thouvmtaet twl
tHMro (twfwri Julia Dowell
tortrti MiMt a FarrWI
UtyttUn Judy KMrr. Marilra Klscn, Mlnnrtter
l ayli.f, liM Maxwell, Sandra Wbalea,
rxTn"iT Hall, Dlamta Oeam, Bill Conpn,
Km KIImh, (ianr Cetsrwin, Mary i"t
trrum, Oranna Barrett, Emmie Ltmno.
ttt W 'rltan Sw OcUwir. CsathSa ehaa. Boa
Sura. Oary Bndseri, tfoAna babboroo,
MtK Wtiiman.
EUSiNESS STAFF
numrtvs Muiuw ,Gr Madaca
AHitBiit Hnlnrii Mao&gera Larry Epitein.
CirsuiMtoa Manager , . ... Jack Norrt
Tom Xutt, tmj tfilaun
m.F. t
Bllems
m
To the Editor:
Our magazine, Carvan is in
need of superior feature material
and we believe that the literary
source of the University is as
yet untapped.
I am under
the impression
that some top-
flight men
have been
nd uated
from the Uni
versity who
have subse
quently found
a solid place
in the literary
and journal
istic worlds.
Psanuts . . .
X
T 72 -rJ APR1 E0CXS
CAY IsN'T WHAT )
YDU U5ED TO BE ASli TDStf ID
YOUR fcV!'A.ND THEN THEY'D
JUMP, AND SlYAAV&H!' AND
THEN Yflfl) SAY 'APRIL PCX
f ThTJS 5 A AAfirill APRIL FOOl)
t&c nnl
Nenraskaa Pkata
Kent
I would therefore, appreciate any
co-operation you could offer in
aiding us to locate any such in
dividuals. What are we looking for? Well,
in the first place, we are seeking
to find new stories. If there are
any great Nebraskans, like Buf
falo Bill (who, I understand, is
defunct), or if there are any excit
ing stories, like bank robberies or
church fires, I would appreciate
knowing about them and about the
type person who could write such
stories.
Our rates are high for fiction.
We would be willing to contact
whomever we hear about and ne
gotiate with them about the mat
ter. It seems that I have taken
enough of your time and so will
close with an invitation to every
aspiring writer to get in touch
with me or one of the mem
bers of our Caravan staff.
Until we hear from you I'll leave
you with my best.
And by the way, say hello to
the boys on your sports desk.
They're doing a fine job.
Clark Kent
Editor, Caravan
To the Editor:
You, sir, are a presumptuous
boor. I have been writing letter
after letter to you in the hopes
that it would be published. I
have conversed with the chancel
lor in hopes that he would allow
me to have a voice in student
affairs.
I have again and again talked
with J. Colbert about the possibili
ties of getting a word in edge
wise. And despite all this do you
think my efforts would come to
any avail? Do you think I could
get some of my ideas into the
paper? Do you think there would
be any chance for me to have my
say? Dou you think the Pink Rag
would publish my letters?
No.
Never.
The staff of your paper are in
competent juveniles no more suited
for the jobs they hold than Dwight
Eisenhower is capable of running
General Motors. Your editorials
are rubbish; your columnists are
inane illeterates clambering to
reach some sort of obscurity. Which
one will get there first is hard to
say. But they all will.
Your news stories are out of
this world in triviality and your
ubiquitous nonsense has gone too
far. I wouldn't be surprised to
see more of that rediculous
little twerp, Peanuts,
Furthermore, I believe the cam
pus paper is uncolomadated. -
J. F. DuUs
sehulfz sdi mailt
more or less
personal
Peasants, the other evening while
I was listening to Shostakovich,
reading Catullus, sipping Burgandy
and typing brilliant free verse
with my feet, I was again struck
by the thought that Nebraska is a
cultural desert. That is to say, not
everyone is like me. No one is
thinking deep thoughts; few ever
rise to the level of- Gleuk's Steit,
let alone to wine. How many resi
dents of this intellectual morass
have read anything besides a copy
of the February, 1918, Poultry
, steve schultV;
Breeder's Monthly that happened to the oecorum necessary to bt
i waix oy? None, that'
be in the bar-
ber shop three
months ago !
when they got Vj
their last hair
cuts? How ma-
ny display suf-1
ficient ingenui-1
ty to realize I,
that if they
took whiskey ;
into the Crib,
they could
make their own
bow
NebraUa rkata
Sennits
Irish Coffee? How many displa
V
While skirting the campus yes
terday, I came across a young lady
lying in a pool of blood at the
foot of the steps of the union. She
was wrapped in a sheet of white
linen (which was fast becoming
soaked) and was crying.
She looked up at me and said . . .
"I see by your clothes that you
are a student."
"These words she did say as I
slowly walked by.
"Come sit down beside me and
hear my sad story for I'm shot in
the heart and I know X must die."
She said. "
I then asked her if she had been
to Student Health.
"I see by your clothes that you
are a student."
She said.
I was wearing regular v student
apparel, a conservative navy-blue
suit, a white shirt, without a but
ton down collar and a solid color
tie).
"How can you tell I'm a stu
dent?" I asked.
She lifted her emaciated hand
and pointed to the buckles in the
- sam jensen
back of my coat, pants, hat and T
shirt. "You tie isn't tied," she said.
Ergo sum, I said. Tempus fu
git. Auf wiedersehn, I said.
She grabbed bold of my left leg
and pulled me to the earth.
"Come sit down beside me and
hear my sad story for I'm shot in
the heart and I know I must die."
She said.
I listened to her sad story.
Soon, I discovered that she was
a junior member of Kappa Alpha
Theta. She was also a member
of Student Union, Builders, AUF,
AWS, NUCTVj
WAA, Student Council and was
entered in the Miss Cornhusker
competition which is sponsored by
the Innocents Sciety as a public
service.
Her name was Hilda Lubaches
ki of the Lubacheski's of Worms.
Last night, she said, I dreamed
I was a Mortar Board in my Maiden-form
Bra. I climbed the steps
to the Fourth Floor, the mystic of
mystics. And there in the presence
of Mortar Board Internationl I
stood, she said.
"1 S
i' ' ; " V:;: T"
S. Schultz (left) and N. Ching
(right) mount poet's (center,
Nebnukaa Fbato
supine) passing.
Happily Peat Dies
Of Acute Criticism
Miiwn v
TWM Wannilv. 21. of 1319 i0.
18th, was found dead Saturday of
poetic pangs on the roof of Selleck
Quadrangle.
Happily, who had been a frequent
contributor to the Campus Green
column in the campus sheet, was
a junior in speech specializing .in
envelope stuffing. Doctors said
that the young man apparently had
fallen from a sky hook and had
struck a sharp criticism of him
placed on the roof of the Quad.
Nelson Chuang, another Green
SSSEH
m
Vf"! lings'
ACP This week, the Associated
Collegian Press pinched, shoved
and polled its way through 153 col
leges in the country to find out
what reaction of the students of
the U. S. was to the ban on
indoor kissing on the University
of Michigan campus. We believed
at the outset of the poll that it
was essential to speak with only
those students who were disin
terested in the subject.
Since we could find none, we
went right to the heart of the mat
ter and asked college stu
dents all over America this ques
tion: Kissing is a sign on affection.
It has been banned on one cam
pus indoors. In this fair to the
students?
Men Women Total
It It fair 2
It is anfair 92 98 95
Doa't know 1 1
Don't care 4 1 2
The figures show a fairly size
able majority agreeing with the
charges of "Unfair to Kissers."
Students who said that they felt
it was fair to ban kissing in pub
lic maintained that "the ostenta
tion of osculation occurring on a
perambulation would create a sen
sation." That kind of student
would think it's fair.
Some students cite specific in
stances where they are embar
rassed by the conduct of their
roommates or others living in the
same dorm or sorority. "I believe
that when I brought my little
sister down here she was ab
solutely shocked. For she said
something like," Boy! Are they
behind the times!"
On the other hand, the vast
majority of the American college
students believe tht it's "o.k." to
kiss in the campus quarters.
"It's kind of like a bottle," one
college sophomore stated, "If you
can get couple of drinks while in
a respectable place, you won't get
drunk. But if you have to go out
in the country, you don't feel you
can return unless you've finished
d Son 'Mof mii
the bottle."
A junior at the University of Illi
nois said, "I'm against banning
kissing because it's so much fun.
Them that can, do; them that
can't, preach."
At the University of Nebraska,
a sorority girl, a senior, had this
to say, "You never even realize
that people are watching you. I'm
not ashamed of my guy. Why
Dyke's the finest young man in
the school. And if I can't kiss him
in public, nobody else will!"
Over in Iowa, however, the
voice was tougher and more dis
gusted with the ban. A junior girl
in engineering said that kissing
was something like a Republican
Party. "Maybe you should keep
the Old Guard up, but for fast
action you can't beat this national
pastime no matter where."
Students who were undecided on
the question generally fell into two
categories. The first is those who
are already married and the sec
ond is those who are going to busi
ness colleges where there are no
dorms or campus living quarters.
"It's no problem here," one biz
school gal in Minneapolis stated.
"We have what are known to the
outside world as apartments. And
all our boys eem to do what is
known in art circles as sketches.
Enough said."
body as he was on the roof check
ing for burning mattresses. He
states to officials that the poet had
a peaceful look on his face but
obvious grey hairs were intermin
gled in his curly locks.
Happily had been a member of
Pi Xi, frequent contributor to The
Prairie "Schooner and a member
of the Ak-Sar-Ben riding club.
Told of Happily's death, Sgt.
Nance of the ROTC stated that
"Dis guy's loss through dying will
be a preddy big blow to de litrary
woild on de NU campus. We're
gonna miss dat guy aroun here."
. Karl Shapiro, editor of the Schoon
er, looking gloomy as usual, said
of Happily, "That boy was one of
the lights of this great and cultural
Midwest. Of course, he was just
one of the myriad of poets, authors,
philosophers and political thinkers
on this campus, but he was a great
inspiration to me and Buick. Ah,
the pivot is again wobbling."
Bernie Slow, friend and teacher
of Happily remarked to Daily Ne
braskan sources, "That Boy was al
ways so cheerful, always so calm,
alsways so so so clever."
Funeral services for Happily
will be held at the Diamond Bar
and Chapel, Tuesday evening fol
lowing the Nut Fry. Services will
be conducted by Bishop David Bal
asco of the Little Brown Church
in the Vale.
many.
But understand that I ,m M
attacking Nebraska in particuW
The whole mid-west raeks of st
nant mentalities. If ,nyone
cared about culture, they
be out brilding art gaDerie, L
fte corn fields. But no,
keep making money.
Between Minneapolis and NtJ
Orleans, not a nag flies at h,
mast now that Stumphill's beatT
That shows how little they
for literature. '
Come to think of it tho, the whl.
U.S is fighting culture too
nail. (Am I not a clever phras.
maker?) Pablo Picasso was oZ
whelmed in the lamentable elec
tions of last November. Even Grin.
Slipping Bob Ireland, molder
moldy public opinions, got mo
votes than Pablo. (As I remember
Bob got one vote, but it was W
in the recount. The case has been
appealed to the Supreme (W
but you know what a bunch
Commie rabble rousers they
and I hope all you pinks and fa!
low travelers are proud of the t
they were chosen, and if New Re
publicanism means a comp!e
surrender to the powers in the
Kremlin as Drew Pearson and I
have been led to believe-then yo
can count me out, and anyway
you know what they say about
Dick Nixon.)
But if you think the rest of the
world is any -better off than the
United States, you're sadly mi,
taken. Look at Gina Lollobrigida
for a second. (Just for a second
piease. j u s i fpn,
. , . Now look,
if I'd known
you were going
to abandon me
just because of
Gina . . . Dam
mit, get back
to the column.)
If Italy cant
contribute any-
than Miss Lol- wAndm fm
lobrigida to tbe Picasso i
stream of world thought, thai I si
tone of voice.
So you can see what a fix TA
Eliot and I are in. Now thatDarid
Happily' dead, there's no one with
whom our souls can commune.
Things are in bad shape, and it't
all the fault of yon naughty,
naughty bourgeousies. (
I speak of. the late Mr. Happi
rather sadly. But hope is not ko.
As was the case of Charles Dick
ens, Happily left posthumous woria
so that humanity might know that
"cut is the bow that might have
grown so straight" to quote the
great Mr. Shakespeare. Here a
Happily's last work. "If you haw
tears, prepare to shed them now."
Marlowe
How, how, kow
Howls (trough Laboratoriei.
How howls, howls.
Why how?
Why aot why?
And I hope J. L. Harpstreith it
proud of himself.
i
illtamMlTftmmi- r nil
""M Good Teacher Agencf
DAVIS
SCX86L SUVICI
EatobUaaad H!l-aaria
aoari VaUar te taa W
EaroU Maw.
529 Smart Bid,. Lincoln 8, W-
UTTLI MAN ON CAMPUS by Dick Bibler
"mmmm0"a
f
ft-
SPUING
ri 1 bimHI M in
"I beg your pardon, pretty bliss,
But would you give me one small kiss?"
"And why should I do such a thins?"
"Because, my dear, today it's s?prui3
Because there's romance ia the sir
Because you are so very fair!"
"There's a lot in what you've sail
Okay, kiss me ... (9 ahead."
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immm imt- j
i i. . -i
r?
i r
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If
Y
(garettes
