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Poqe 4
THE NEBRASKAN
Vednesdoy, May 2, 19
Blanche Stevens:
fio Second Sprmrj
It will be only a matter of time
, until women everywhere will hate
- weand I will share the darkest
,niehe in public esteem with Alger
Eiss and others of his kind.
It will not matter that I acted
through ignorance and no motive
- of wrong-doing, and that is why it
, an: Teems so unfair. I was an un
intentional traitor to my kind, and
. as wilike Alger Hiss as can be, but
- people, especially women, judge
... by results.
My husband says that I over
T emphasize the whole thing, and
just to forget about it. He insists
" that he likes me dumpy and baggy
- eyed and that he would feel un-
comfortable with a lithe young'
looking wife, and that is dear of
- him.
But I keep thinking longingly of
myself as glamorous and "t i m e
Z., 1 e s s" as they say, and I keep
thinking of the millions of other
.!.... women who might remain glam
orous and timeless except for me
And so, since everyone will find
out eventually all about it any
way, I want to explain the whole
thing; and then when it is all con
fessed, hate me if you will.
It all began when I was Easter
shopping in the city. I was loaded
down with bulky and heavy pack
ages, but feeling happy that I
had finished every bit of my shop
ping before noon.
I trudged along through the
slushy streets, overshoes flopping,
coat blowing open, hat askew and
hands nearly freezing, when a
young man bumped into me from
behind, jostled me as he leaped
ahead and nearly upset me in his
haste to open the heavy door of a
store for a tall, strong and healthy
looking girl.
That they were strangers was
evident from her reserved polite
ness as she smiled her thanks.
The young man went on down
the street whistling.
What is it, I thought to myself,
that makes middle-aged women in
visible? For an old woman, the
young man would have stopped
' tenderly. For any young, strong,
healthy girl who didn't need any
help at all, he would stop exultant
ly. But for a dumpy, gray, middle
aged woman who needed help very
much well, you figure it out. The
same sort of thing had happened
to me many times before, but I
had never been quite so hurt by it.
Suddenly, I realized that I was
desperately tired, and suddenly I
" thought of Heald's Health Bar.
For a long time I had wanted to
visit this esoteric spot, the mecca
f the city's rich hypochondriacs,
but I had never felt that I could
, . afford it. This day, I had saved
enough on my judicious shopping,
that I felt entitled to splurge.
Besides, when that young man
didn't even see me well, I need
ed someone to be nice to me, and
it might as well be no one but my
self. So I waddled down to Heald's
Health Bar, jostled and bumped
the whole way.
Once inside, I almost regretted
my decision, for the modernistical-
ly curving bars all appeared to be
filled. The soft, dignified strains
of music that I supposed some doc
tor had prescribed for the place
did not soothe me.
Nor did the judiciously applied
colors and the soft lighting of the
decor. I felt out of place. Only the
rich, X thought, could afford to
pamper themselves when young
men ignored them.
For a moment I watched the
waitresses, all looking like nurses
in their white uniforms and caps,
Strength
Be strong!
For in faith lies thy salvation,
to resist temptation,
And avert the wrong.
Be strong!
Let not thy tortured soul
Like the fated mold
Be satisfied with clay.
Be strong!
Dip seep the blood of Christ,
Splash it to flaming heights
That it may each soul
And show
Who works for God and right.
Jed
and the young men, all looking
like pharmacists, working behind
the bars, and decided to leave.
Just at that instant, a woman
stood up to leave her place at the
bar, and I was struck by the beauty
of her face and figure, and some
thing more that I t-.inot explain.
There was an ageless charm and
vitality about her that set her apart
from any other woman I had ever
seen. In my dazed admiration, I al
most forgot to notice that here was
an empty place at the bar after all,
and that I had better take it. The
woman strode with lithe and delib
erate grace to the back of the
room, and I took her place at the
bar.
Almost at once, a pharmacist,
or perhaps I should say waiter,
or even chef, hurried from the
kitchen and placed a small glass
before me without even a glance
in my direction..., .
I was rather surprised at the
quick service, but supposed that
it was just one indication of Heald's
concern for his patients. (That is
to say, customers.)
I took a leisurely sip, watching
neighbors to my right and left at
the bar having, their prescriptions
filled, and partaking of peculiar
looking mixtures set before them.
All at once I felt happy hap
pier than I had felt in years. I felt
eager, poised, vital oh, good
ness knows what all. In short, I
ilt young.
I finished my little health cock
tail as I supposed it should be
called, and almost immediately
saw before me a plate filled with
a strange mixture of what I shall
only call health foods, for I have
no idea of what they were con
cocted.
The food was not especially
tasty, but as I ate, I was more and
more conscious of a feeling of ex
uberance, and an intense satisfaction.
"For Erotica," he said, cares
singly, "no c h a r g at all. Of
course."
Oh, of course. Seven must have
been the lucky number that day,
in some sort of a store raffle, or
lottery.
The young man left his place be
hind the bar, and actually came
to escort me to the cashier. Such
service as Heald's have! I thought.
It pays to be rich.
Number seven, Erotica," he
said to the cashier.
"Oh, of course. Erotica." And
the cashier smiled almost rev
erently at me.
The pharmacist helped me out
with my bundles before I had time
to wonder what this Erotica meant.
And then I remembered having
seen advertisements of a very ex
pensive line of cosmetics called
Erotica. "Healds' are in cahoots
with Erotica on some promotion
stunt," I said to myself, and for
got all about it for the time.
As I neared The Elite Dress
Shoppe, a young man hastened
from behind me, opened the heavy
door of the establishment and
bowed me inside with a radiant
smile.
I had had no intention of enter
ing the shop, but his courteous
action deposited me inside, and he
went off down the street whistling.
My spirits rose still farther, and
I strode into the interior of the
shop, feeling tall and lithe and
beautiful.
Mercy, how did you ever get
this far?" exclaimed an obsequious
floor manager resembling Adolph
Menjou. "Let me check those par
cels for you." He was fairly exud
ing charm, and, I might add, per
sonal interest in me. "Better yet,
let me have them sent to your
home."
"But I do not live here," I re
plied with a wonderful poise quite
new to me, unawed for once by
this magnificent personality. "And
I did not purchase these things
here."
No matter, no matter!" he cried
gaily. "Be my guest! Or shall wej
Verily, I Say
"Verily I say unto you, marry not an engineer for he picketh
his seat in the car by the springs therein and not by the damsel
beside him.
"Always he carrieth.his slide rule with him and he enter
taineth his maiden with steam tables.
"Verily, though his damsel expecteth chocolates, when he
calleth he brings samples of iron.
"Yea, he holdeth his damsel's hand, not only to measure to
the heat content thereof, and kisses but to test the vicosity.
"Even as a youth he pulleth a girl's hair to test its elasticity
but as a man he discovereth different devices.
"For he seeketh ever to pursue scientific investigations, and
his marriage is an equation involving two unknowns and yielding
diverse answers."
Throbbing Pistons.
say, let it be on the house?" He
winked roguishly, relieved me of
my parcels, and haa made all ar
rangements for having them
shipped to me, almost twinkling.
Then he gave my arm a friendly
squeeze. "Happy shopping!" he
beamed, and waved me toward the
French room of the store.
From then on, events became
sort of blurred and misty in a
radiant sort of way, and I felt like
a child on his most exciting Christ
mas morning. I had forgotten that
such courtesies existed.
Somehow or other, I finally
emerged from the shop the owner
of the most fantastically expensive
wardrobe I had ever dreamed of
oossessine. and all marked down,
just for me, to ridiculously low
prices.
"It is such good advertising when
women like you wear our gar
ments," I heard over and over
again.
The afternoon unfolded like a
dream and I wandered about in a
happy daze receiving courtesies.
It was not until a young man
brushed by me to open a door
for some strong, attractive gin
that I suddenly felt my old self
again, and desperately tired.
Of course, I thought immediately
of Heald's Health Bar, and made
my way there, jostled and bumped
as before. It was too early for the
regular diners, and I took my
place at Number Seven with no
trouble at all.
"The same I had for lunch," I
told the young man, playing it
safe.
'I beg your pardon?" And he
eyed me coldly. Then suddenly his
expression changed, and he raised
his voice in agitation.
'It's her, it's her!" he shrieked,
and shortly bedlam reigned su
preme. I could not make bead nor
tail of what was going on for some
time, but I can tell rather briefly
now what caused the uproar.
It seems that Erotica of the fam
ous and expensive line of cosmetics
named for her, had experimented
for many years with youthifying
diets and in fact, had supplied and
supervised the diets of many inter
national and perennial beauties.
She had decided to try the feasi
bility of putting sort of mass-production
diets on the market so that
eventually women everywhere
could reap the benefits of her wis
dom. She had worked with her own
chef at Heald"s for a solid week
to assist him in preparing for mass
production the sample that I, alas
had eaten by mistake, when Ero
tica had left her place to go
to the Ladies' Room. The whole
staff cooperated to make me un
derstand that this was a disaster
of major proportions.
Not only had the incomparable
temper of Erotica exploded in all
its grandeur, but she had vowed
never to try to dabble in such phi
lanthropy again.
Back to her private customers
she was going, taking her great
Chef and her secrets with her.
As her anger ran its course, and
the afternoon rushed on while the
Chef hastened to prepare another
portion of her necessary diet, she
aged before their eyes until she
looked, they said, all of seventy
five (which she is).
Spring Doy
Contest Schedule
1:30 p.m.
Men's Chariot Race
Women's Tug of War
Men's Push Ball
Men's Wheelbarrow Race
Faculty and Men's Baseball Throw
Women's 3 Legged Race
Women's Costume Relay Ract
Women's Greased Pig Catch
Women's Football Throw
Men's Push Ups
2:00 p.m.
Coaches Shot Put
Women's Tandem Bike Raca
Women's Egg Catching
2:15 p.m.
Women's Sack Relay Race
Faculty Pie Eating
Faculty Peanut Pushing
2:30 p.m.
Men's 100 yard Backward Raca
Men's Tug of War
Men's Football Throw
Women's Peanut Pushing
Men's 3 Legged Ract
2:45 p.m.
Men's Tandem Bike Race
Faculty Egg Catching
Faculty Baby Bottle Contest
Faculty and Women's Baseball Throw
3:15 p.m
Faculty 3 Legged Race
Four Acts . . .
Ag
Election
Ag College students will go to
the polls in the Ag Union during
the coming spring elections on
Monday. Polls will open at 8 a.m.
and close at 7 p.m.
One boy and one girl will be
chosen to represent Ag College
on the Council next year. Candi
dates whose names will appear on
the ballot are Pat Stalker, Betty
Parks, Joan Norris, Norma Wolf,
Richard Hagemeier and Bob Dan
nert. Proposed amendments to the Ag
Exec Board constitution will also
be voted on at this time.
Election
Theta Xi has elected their of
ficers for the coming year. They
are as follows: president, Ron
Blue; vice president, John Nel
son; treasurer, Bob Mathews, and
corresponding secretary, Roger
Wichman.
(Continued from Page 3.)
A genius is better
My wild Irish Setter.
O, where is my toe?
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho.
(he stops stage center and
holds popsicle above his head,
whereupon Therefore enters
walking on his hands moving
in a circular path across up
stage center whistling "Yan
kee Dookle".
PRESIDGET (enters laughing in
sanely) The insatiable sensuality of the
circumsized dog proves that
Sigmund Friend is the 37th
wonder of the world, signify
ing also truth is swiss
cheese!!
(sits down on stage in front
of Bispo in a puddle of pop
sicle drippings.)
Therefore: (belches loudly)
ACT in
Note to prop manager: the stage
should now be littered with dis
carded Permalube cans (30
weight).
Therefore: (rushes across stage
shouting)
Fort Sumnter has been fired
upon!!!
BISPO: (who has been lying face
down in the center of the stage
since the curtain rose )
The humid humus is mixed
with leaves . . .
(he leaps to his feet)
Incest be damned!
I would rather cry havoc in a
rain barrel Than give up the
chase for her chastity.
(more excitedly
Apply your implications if yoa
must
I defy you to do back again to
dust.
In a frenzied monotone)....
O, sweetly, sweetly the forest
calls
Chick-a-loo
He-haw.
SPRIDGET: (suspended upside
down from a light baton and
bathed in purple light.)
You don't understand me!
BISPO: HEE-HAW (falls dead)
ACT IV
Author's note to reader: Therefore
and Spridget, for the first time in
the play, are aware of each other.
They both walk hesitantly over to
the fallen Bispo.)
SPRIDGET: (querulously) Mofu
dia! He's dead.
(she sits down quietly on an
oil can while Therefore rum
panic-stricken.
Therefore: (leaping up and down
monotonously)
HOW CAN WE BE SURE!!
HOW CAN WE BE SURE?!1
slow curtain
PBK Speaker
Paul Good, Omaha attorney, will
be guest speaker at the Univer
sity Phi Beta Kappa chapter initia
tion Sunday.
He will discuss "Philosophy, the
Guide of Life" at a 5 p.m. tea in
Union Parlors ABC, His topic is
one of the mottos of Phi Beta
Kappa.
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Arts & Sciences
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MONROE USHER
ALT Assistant
Nebrmskan Staff Reporter
Swimmin Team
rbl Gamma Delta,
ART WEAVER
AUF Board Member
Tennis Team
Phi Delta Theta
Business Administration
Ll 1
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VELDON LEWIS
University Flyinf Club
Sigma No
BOB SCHUYLER
Kosmet Klub
AUF Board Member
Bis Ad Exec. Council
Secretary IFC
Phi Gamma Delta
Engineering
jiaiffli i r
f
.v'X:,-i:v
HARRY DINGMAN GORDON WARNER
1
Kosmet Klub
Blue Print Circulation
Manager
ASME
Delta Tau Delta
ASCC
Corn Cob
Builders
Delta I'paUon
Teachers
v ' .
LARRY LESTER
Jr. IFC
Delta Upsilon
DAVE MOSSMAN
Kosmet Klub
Varsity Rifle Team
Phi Delta Theta
Agriculture
DICK HAGEMEIER
S priii Day
Committee Chairman
4-H Club
AgTOJiomy Club
At Y
Alpha Gamma Kho
These are well-known men whose record in activities and
' other college affairs on this campus speaks for itself.
A vote for these men is a vote for a more active, alert
representation in Student Government!
