Pons 2
THE NEBRASKAN
Tuesdoy, May 1, 1955
Nebraskan Editorials:
'Strictly An Administrative Matter'
Here are the facts which have appeared thus
far in thfTase of Clifford M. Hardin, according
to Nebraskan sources within the University ad
ministration: 1. A meeting of the administration officials
and" Regent C. Y.-Thompson was held prior to
spring vacation to discuss Clifford M. Hardin,
chancellor of the University.
2. Spokesmen in the department who attended
the meeting havetold The Nebraskan that they
were told that- Hardin would have the oppor
tunity of returning1 to the University July 1 as
a professor of agriculture economics, but would
not be retained. as chancellor.
3. Regent spokesmen,, including J. Leroy Welsh,
Clarence Swanson and C. Y. Thompson, have
not commented further on the issue. All main
tain that Hardin Is still chancellor and that no
recommendations have been made for a new one.
4. Several individuals, including one from
Michigan.'. State and another from Iowa State,
have been contacted as possiblities for chan
cellor of the University.
$. The implication of "outside pressures" was
discussed in the special meeting as influential
in the decision to relieve Hardin of his chan
cellorship. 6. Several professors and students close to the
administration have told The Nebraskan in pri
vate interviews that they were "certain in their
own minds" that "outside pressures" and "spe
cial interests" were an important influence in
the administrative action.
7. Hardin has been under severe opposition
for some, of his administrative policies, notably
attacks from several political elements in the
stale and member of the Board of Regents.
8. Hardin has been described by his colleagues
in the administration as an administrator whose
abilities are beyond question.
In the light of these above facts, which have
been given to The Nebraskan by a variety of
reliable sources, it becomes evident that the de
cision regarding Chancellor Hardin is "strictly
an administrative matter" and is directly in ac
cord "with normal University operating proced
ure." But even though the administrative demotion
of Hardin has "been in the works for sometime,"
several points must be considered to clear up
the air of mystery, contradiction and specula
tion which surround the case.
It must be remembered that a University of
ficial should have the confidence of the people
with whom he works.
It must be remembered that a college ad
ministration should keep harmonious working
relations with the various groups in the state.
It must be remembered that a high-powered
public relations program is essential to the fu
ture and integrity of the Univeristy.
It must be remembered that keeping a contro
versial University official, when he has appar
ently aroused dissident element in the state, is an
abridgement of the money, the faith, the support
and the confidence which the people of the state
vest in the officials of their state University.
It must be remembered that crying "foul"
when an administrative official or a University
professor loses his position is nothing more than
hiding beneath the protecting blanket of aca
demic freedom.
And it must be remembered that retaining
such a University employee may be contributing
to ". . . the destruction of the free enterprise
system." B. A.
nrriE man on campus
by Dick Bibler
Toward A Solution
An Interesting problem has come to the at
tention of The Pink Rag staff:
(Note: This item was not sent into the "Satur
day Evening Post" nor was it reprinted from the
Post.")
"Several years ago I was sleeping in a small
log cabin on the outskirts of a sleepy Canadian
town. It was a rather cold night, with several
inches of snow on the ground, and I had turned
in early after setting my traps.
"I was quite tired and would probably have
slept soundly if left alone. But about 3 a.m. I
was awakened by a growling noise just outside
my cabin door.
"Pulling the blankets around me, I went to
the window and looked out. I was horrified by
what I saw. One of the largest grizzly bears I
have ever seen had chased a very old lady into
a rather spindly tree.
"It was apparent from the way the bear was
shaking the tree that the old lady could not
possibly maintain her perilous perch for very
long.
"I reached quickly for my rifle, but then re
membered that I had used the last shell I had
to dispatch a small dog that had slobbered on
my fine hunting boots.
"It was impossible to call for help, the nearest
neighbor being at least a mile away. I looked
frantically about the small cabin, but all that
was there was my bed and the warm blankets
wrapped about me.
"Nonetheless, I was able to quickly reach a
decision, which I feel was the only thing that
could be done under the circumstances. Can you
tell what I did. M. A.
(See answer below)
paq oj ipeq um pus mi n o) pjus jsnf j
Boys, Coffee-
POCfdy S
into U
B J3 B
'NICE frlNP PWE LITTLE T0OTAU TH0U6H."
A Coed is the female counter
part of a student. She likes boys,
dates, corsages, coffee, dates,
bridge, formals and sleep in that
order more than anything else in
the world. If she can't have the
in abundance, life to her is not
worth living.
A Coed wears either flat shoes
with no heels or six-inch spikes.
She wears sloppy sweaters that
would be loose on Primo Camera
or skintight sheathes that look as
though they were sprayed on with
a paint gun.
She is by turns a freckel-faced
torn-boy practicing a flying tackle
in the Bowl, or sultry siren undu
lating to Cuban rhythms in Kings
Ballroom.
A Coed is a magician. She
squeezes marks out of papers that
deserve none. She hypnotizes crus
ty old professors and transforms
them into misty-eyed philanthrop
ists with a single sweep of her
artificial lashes.
Confidential NU Dirt
Dug Up From Sources
Boy, am I going to lash out this
week. I just know that you've all
been waiting for a few more of
my perspicacious, (I love that
word, perspicacious,) comments on
the University situation.
So here I am, a black cape
wrapped about my scrawny shoul
ders, a dagger at my belt and
blood in my eye, ready to give
I the "big boys" what-for.
Now, I don't like to dig up dirt,
even if this newspaper does read
like Confidential most of the time,
but you've heard me talk about
the Chancellor's building program
before, and today I have some in
formation, (from a reliable source
My Shoeless Snorts
Hold High The Torch
Another blow has been struck for Modern
Education!
The introduction of liquor by the drink into all
University-operated vending machines struck this
blow, and it is sure to be well received by the
entire eampusv-
Already reports have come to the Administra
tion from people across the state, and from
prominent alumni across the nation, congratu
lating the University on its innovation.
It is further proof that the University of Ne
braska is looking out for the best interest of its
students, its faculty and the entire state.
Some of the direct benefits to be derived from
this change to liquor by the drink can be enum
erated as follows!"
1. Incrased HSfrnony between students and
faculty bjflhis new medium. An air of general
congenialty and pleasant drowsiness will prevail
in classrooms.
2. Students vSL develop initiative in their
science lafioratortfS, as they strive to develop
more batches of-booze for campus machines.
3. The University will derive a handsome
profit.
4. No toore coffee nerves!
5. Students will stay away from the harmful
atmosphere of beer parlors and roadside "joints,"
where an -obviously unacademic air prevails.
6. Wreckless traffic to the pits will virtually
disappear.
All in all, the University should be congrat
ulated on this new development. It shows the
Administration is ever striving to promote free
dom of expression, freedom of choice (on-the-rocks,
with water, or sweet) and to provide a
keen, tangy atmosphere for its students.
Hold high the torch of academic freedom!
P. H. D.
Heartwarming
It was one of these hartwarming events in
every life.
Ed Elackthirst, junior in ceramics, was sitting
in the Union having bromo-eltzer to help his
indigestion. He was also munching a fe'v chocolate-dipped
oysters with a dash of Mother
Knuckle's Kosher Broth. One of their Friday
specialities.
Anyway, Ed wanted to go get a pack of cig
arettes, so he asked his friends to excuse him
because he had to go to make a phone call.
And there at the cashier's desk, he saw her.
Mona Rumble, famous film beauty.
"Can I have your autograph, Miss Rumble?"
he asked.
"No," she said.
in the ag college,) that should be
brought to your attention.
Are you aware of the fact that a
certain Ag College fraternity, de
spite a loyal alum's countless
claims of a new building program,
has been without a house for most
of this year? I can't tell you any
more at the present time, but it
sounds a bit fishy, doesn't it? It.
sure does.
It's been some time now since I
subjected the library to one of my
withering blasts, and I notice that
the boys over there have been get
ting a little cocky lately. Beware,
gentlemen!
That furtive character lurking
about the" halls of Love Memorial
this week wasn't Brugmann trying
to get out of paying his library
fines, it was me gathering a few
facts.
I won't break the story this
week, but I'll give you a warning;
you had betier be careful about
what goes on behind the Reserve
Desk from now on.
Now 1 have a few questions I
would like to throw out to my
readers, so that they may ponder
them for a while. What adminis
trator was recently caught in El
len Smith Kali with his teacups
down? And which other worker
over there can't even tell what's
going on right beside him?
Is there anything to the rumor
that the University is going to an
nex Turkey and become a world
power? Is it true that the Uni
versity of Nebraska owns the only
talking pipe-rack in the world?
For the revelation of these and
many other well-kept secrets, con
tinue reading this column weekly,
as I go on with my work of clear
ing the University air.
I!
GREEK
zz. From The Bog
PiHlc Rag Plays Necessary Role
Infringing Truth To University
By HORACE GREELEY
Editorial Muddle Editor
May 1 marks a solemn and
meaningful page in the daDy
story of the University. It is
the day The Pink Rag comes
out- Z.
Althougtr only appearing
once a year, The Pink Rag ful
fills a vital and necessary
function in our University
community.
So, the . staff of The Pink
Rag, through its hard-hitting
Editorial Muddle Editor, pre
sents to its readers the real
function of its newspaper.
The main purpose of The
Pink Rag- u to present the
Ul too-true picture of the Uni
versity. Through its factual
and piercing news stories and
Its keen, hindsighted editor
ials. The Pink Rag unfolds
the news as it's not usually
seen by the garden-variaty
student or professor.
' For months, undercover re
porters from The Pink -Rag
course the campus, jotting
down the news as it really
happens. It may not appear to
happen that way, but Pink
Rag reporters are trained
newshawks and know their
jobs.
Hidden microphones, cun
ningly concealed in vases, pic
tureframes and ash trays pick
up confidential conversations
from The Higher Up.
Reporters, before going into
interviews, are given careful
instruction on misquoting, and
how to ask embarrasing ques
tions. Editorial writers stay up all
night carefully misinterpret
ing the news, so that their
stalwart editorials will help
clear up the campus and na
tional issues for the clear
young minds of the students
and faculty.
Unselfishly, the staff works
for weeks and months, until
the great and wonderful day
The Pink Rag appears on the
newstands.
"Watching the eager faces
of the students light up and
the faces of the faculty blanch
with horror, the staff of The
Pink Rag knows the wonder
ful feeling of a Job Well Done.
Only here, in The Pink Rag,
can you get such a picture of
the news. Nowhere else on
earth or even on the Univer
sity campus will such tales
be unfolded before the eager
eyes of the reader.
In a great blast of Free
dom of the Press, the Bill of
Rights and Home, Mother
hood, and the Flag, The Pink
Rag sheds the Light from its
Torch of Truth across the
length and breadth of the campus.
The Nebraskan
: FIFTY-FIVE TEAKS OLD
Member: Associated Collegiate Press
Intercollegiate Press
Erjresei2tivej Kaftoaal Advertising Service,
Incorporated
Pullkhed at: Room 20, Student Unioa
- Hta B
Z University of Nebraska
Lincoln, Nebraska
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EDITOEIAL ITAFT
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BUSINESS ITAFF
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ClrculaHoa
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Letterip
What To Do?
Dear Miss Lonleyhearts:
I am 11 years old and a senior
at the University of Nebraska.
When I first came here, I was
bright of eye and fair of cheek,
but since I have been at Nebras
ka I have met a boy.
Now Jugular is a nice fellow,
but all that he wants to do is
drink and go for long rides. Well,
now I am pregnant. What should
I do?
Mother
Dear Mother,
Your case is a very interesting
one, and I am sure many of our
readers would have suggestions
for things that you could do. If
so, they can write in, and we
shall print their suggestions. My
only suggestion would be to pray.
Miss Lonleybearts
Good Deal
Dear Editor:
I certainly agree with the sug
gestion that we need a Faculty
Club. I htink it is just terrible
that our teachers have to sneak in
to the basement of Andrew's Hall
for a little nip before class. These
teachers work hard and deserve a
place to relax and get stoned.
Many is the time I have seen
members of the faculty slipping
down dark alleys f) avoid the se
curity agents. We need to keep our
faculty off the streets and avoid
this source of potential delinquen
cy. Therefore, let's have a Fac
ulty Club and to Hell with the
foreigners.
Johnny Walker
Rumor Scotched
Dear Editor:
I wish to scotch rumors that I
was 'caught necking in the lounge
of the Girls' Dorm during Easter
Vacation.
Thank you,
John AlberUoc
Back From Byzantiun
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Nobody loves me
Boo hoo hoo.
G. T. Fairclough
Let's Multiply
A rabbit's life must be good fun,
No studies, classes, work undone.
No themes, no taps, no loss oi slep,
No Monday blues, no hours to keep.
He has so much more fun than I,
For all he does is multiply.
H. H. Munroe
a
Semantic Ping-Pong
Lice
Ice
Mice
Slice
Ellie Elliott
a
Glow, Little Glowworm
Hey nonni, nonni no
Glow little glowworm
Glow, Glow, Glow
The cat's in the meadow
The cow is in the lane
Black is the color of the mark of Cain.
Thomas Rayson
The Challenge
Student Succeeds
In Primary Goals
By JESS BKOW.VELL
Student
T.dfc, Voir jrs Brownell. enrolled
in nr 'iHl.r at art and Krirnreh. is
prrhapt- ht'tu kiiuw-n a, a liard-litttiuic
NVhraskan columnist. He nae not been
iHirnin.il. d for a Khodr KiholarKlilp. a
rullnrittii I Hloanliip or Phi Ufiu Kappa,
ttui i writ-known Ur iii literary and
aradrmir aWurvrmpntfi. Br is not men
tioned in Wu Who io Am-riran Cot
irKr Vheu eKked lor a alatemrnt on
lii ChtilletiKp, he eouid nut be awakened
lor eomment. After ail, it vh only
noon.)
When a student enters a univer
sity, he enters a new world, a
world of freedom and responsi
bility, learning and ignorance, se
curity and anxiety, peace and war,
home and flag, mother and coun
try, booze and women.
In this confusing welter of con
flicting interests, the student
should not lose sight of the primary
goals which should be his. It is
a part of our great American Tra
dition that every college student
should have primary goals.
Secondary goals are all right in
their place, but this place should
remain secondary. Primary goals
are primary.
Through out our history, brave,
clear-eyed, unsophisticated, young
men and women, with their beads
held high, their chins up, their
upper lips stiff, their hair combed
sleekly back or tied in a bun, have
moved upward to the highest pin
nacles of success.
Why have these men and women
succeeded where others failed? Be
cause they kept their primary
goals in sight, that's why.
Not long ago, while on a lecture j too can score.
trip through the Midwest, I met
a young man whose story should
be a source of inspiration to all
of us, jaded oldsters as well as
eager youths.
After my lecture, which was en
titled, "Banquet Speakers: The
Hope of the World," a young fel
low came shyly up to the podium,
nervously fingering his hat-brim
and casting really obscene glances
at my secretary.
"Mr. Brownell," he said, "I've
read all your work, and heard
many of your lectures, and I want
to tell you that you have' been
a great help to me. It has been
largely through your influence that
I have been able to keep my prj.
mary goals as a college student
in sight."
And with those words, the lusty
lad locked arms with my secre
tary and slipped out the back door
into the alley.
Well, my secretary has now reg
istered under an assumed name
at a San Francisco hospital, and
our young man has moved on to
bigger, better and more challeng
ing conquests.
This incident, trivial as it may
seem, points up the extreme value
of keeping your primary goals in
sight. Now that you see what one
man has accomplished by taking
my advice, you need only have
faith in yourself and you can do Hie
same.
Don't be a slacker, keep those
primary goals in sight and you
in l manges
nivetsitv Coe
In two or three hours of con-makes up for the self-denial she
centrated effort she can produce
a passable essay copied flawless
ly from some well-worn library
book and hand it in only two or
three weeks overdue.
A Coed sips cokes and coffee
by the hour in the Crib. She chain
smokes cigarets, and acts bored
and nonchanlant when a male
passes by.
At the same time she notes his
The ofllewlnr la aa excerpt from a
thri far a maiter's derree ia adaea
tlonal yehology, wrillea ar Aoea
Stomp, craduate (indent :
every move and casually hitches
her skirt to the level appropriate
to his date-rating.
SRe berates her roommate's
beau in public while secretly cov
eting him and planning his early
submission to her charms.
A Coed becomes adept in sim
ulating the beauty of a Venus,
the logic of an Aristotle, the wis
dom of a Solomon. Her thespian
abilities are comparable to those
of another Barnhardt. She laughs
uproariously at all jokes related
in her presence, though she sel
dom if ever gets the point.
A Coed spends the morning
avoiding the professors whose
classes she has skipped. During
the afternoon she develops neural
gia, headaches and lumbago . . .
all of which combine to make
studying impossible.
As the weekend approaches, she
suddenly sprouts pincurlers, fac
ials, manicures, mascara and a
Southern drawl.
A Coed becomes vivacious on
dates in direct proportion to the
number of gin-fizzes with which
her date is able to supply her. She
las suffered all week when
faced with residence food by gorg
ing tierself on chop-suey and chow
mein when someone else is pay
ing. She table-hops from friend to
friend, showing her latest back
less, strapless gown which is rein
forced with wires, bands, pads,
scotch tape and prayers.
At three minutes to one she has
forgotten to get an overnight and
rushes back to the house in a flur
ry of excitement while her dat
tries to figure out what had hap
pened to his money and the eve
ning. At the doorway she suddenly
gives him a passionate kiss on the
cheek, thereby repaying him for
the expenses involved.
A Coed is the young freckle
faced child worn you sent to the
faced child whom you sent to the
-. !- air-nr; at night without a sit
ter. She left with brown hair, brown
eyeiasnes, bobby sox and tears
rolling down her chubby cheeks
as she bids you a sorrowful goodby
at the station, promising to write
every day.
A Coed is the tall, lithe, sophis
ticated lady that steps off the
train at Christmas time, sporting
a blond cowlick on her forehead,
mascarred eyelashes, a silver cig
aret holder and a vocabulary lib
erally sprinkled with four-letter
words. She has written home three
times asking for money.
But you know that underneath
it all she is still your little girl
and that she still loves you and
needs you when she climbs on
your knee, buries her face in your
shoulder and sobbingly says, "Oh,
Daddy, I'm pregnant."
faculty Members
Write New Books
The spring publishing lists show that many University faculty
members have written new books. Some of these are:
"A Defense of Secondary Education Techniques" is the title of
John P. Anton's, Professor of Philosophy, tract.
Robert Knoll, Assistant Professor of English, has published
"The Positive Values of the Fraternity System."
"Mein Kampf : A Modest Proposal to Subordinate the Univer
sity to the ROTC Department" is Colonel Dlestel's latest endeavor.
C. Clyde Mitchell, Professor of Agricultural Economics, has
published an autobiography entitled "You Cant Go Home Again."
Winona Perry, Professor of Educational Psychology and Meas
urement, has just finished a new revised edition of her popular
book, "The Complete Bar Guide and Cocktail Manaual."
Also on the list of autobiographies is a book by DavM Faits.
Professor of Music, called "Sincraly Yours."
"Know Your Campus Leaders" is an authoritative text issued
by Brace Waters, Associate Professor of Philosophy.
A new botanical guide, "The Development and Cart of tb
Perennial Sophomore" has Barry Lleyi Weaver, Associate Pro
fessor of Botany and Adviser of Everything, as its author.
Some of the members of the administration have also been
busy writing. A new book by Chancellor Clifford Bardia is called
"How to Read a Barometer in 10 Easy Lessons."
John Selleck, University Comptroller, has completed his monu
mental work, "The Rise and Fall of Nebraska Football Coaches
1 Have Known."
W. C. Harper, Director of University Services, is issuing the
first volume of his series called "Biographies of Great Men." The
first volume is devoted to Uriah Heep and Ebeneezer Scrooge.
"How to Lose Friends and Be Influenced by People" is tb
accomplishment of Frank HaUgrea, Associate Dean of Student
Affairs.
"What's My Line?" is the tide of a first book by Marjorl
Johnston, Associate Dean of Women.
Brace Kendall, assistant professor of speech, has recently com
pleted two books: "The Necessity of Extracurricular Activities"
and "Lord Chesterfield Before The Hearth."
Bill Glassford, former University football coach, has written
an authoritative biography entitled "The Bobbsey Twins At The
Journal-Star."
Don Olson, assistant professor of speech and director of the
University debate squad, has written an amusing essay which was
recently published: "Punctuality, The Vice Of Virtuous Women."
(EDITOR'S NOTE: This is a big
scoop. We have hidden a special
microphone and recorder in the
meeting room of Insolence Society,
scholarly honorary, about to elect
its new members. Insolence is very
exclusive.)
WORLDLY: Now, we can't keep
going on all our life without chang
ing club members; my uniform
has worn out. Tonight we're going
to elect successors. Let's keep this
on a strictly impartial basis, and
elect the best men.
BUTTERFLY: Let's do that next
week. Let's get a cup of coffee.
SKIPROPE: I don't think 'we
Fess Fettering
ought to elect twelve boys from
the airport. I think that's exces
sive. BUTTERFLY: Good point. Let's
talk it over in the crib.
BUSHMAN: I agree, I doot like
anybody. ,
SHADRACK: Hold your tongue;
hold your tongue. Brotherly love
should prevail in all of these de
liberations. I think that we. should
stick to people whom we know
will be canonized.
BUTTERFLY: Fine, fine, let's
go to church.
SKIPROPE: We've got boy
over at our house; Jack fee Rip
per, who is officer material.
WORLDLY: We've decided that
we have four more boys over at
the airport we'd like to get in to
the society, so we're going to have
to expand.
Columnist Tells
Fantastic Tale
BUSHMAN: I hate everybody;
those guys too.
OMAHA: We've only got one guy
in our bouse our whole bouse.
I think we ought to let him in.
CONMAN: I'd like to add that
my friends from the stockyards
dont even have s house.
SCHXJTZ: My friends from the
stockyards have been using their
special Insolence pitchforks for
stacking hay.
CONMAN: I hate you.
SCHLITZ; Not as bad as I hate
you guys.
BUSHMAN: I dont like either of
you guys. I'm also taller'n you.
BUTTERFLY: Let's get dates
and whip out to the Red Barn.
SKIPROPE: Here's something
interesting. Five of those air
planes, have books overdue at tb
library. That disqualifies them.
CROCKED: I've got two boys
that Shadrack would like: they're
both ordained ministers.
WORLDLY: We cant afford to
take any more ministers. The last
one we had in here quit at mid-
BUSHMAN: I hated him any
way. BUTTERFLY: I wish they had
a jukebox in here.
WORLDLY: Let's ask doctor
Knitter what he thinks about this.
DR. KNITTER: Well, I bate to
jump out on a limb. Maybe we
ought to take everybody.
BUSHMAN: But I hate every
body! BUTTERFLY: Lot's go play
volleyball.
IN UNISON: Okey-dokejr.
