THE NEBRASKAN
Friday, March 18, 195?
Nobraskan Editorials
Aristophanes is in trouble with the U.S. Post
Office. The old boy made the mistake some
1500 years ago of writing a play, "Lysistrata."
The root of the whole evil goes back to a federal
law passed in 1873 empowering one Anthony
Comstock, wha organized his New York Society
for the Suppression of Vice, the right to censor
ship of literature sent through the mails.
Comstock supposedly destroyed 80 tons of
literature he considered indecent. Under this
law the Post Office Department has seized such
books as "The Arabian Nights," Defoe's "Rob
inson Crusoe," Stowe's "Uncle Tom's Cabin,"
and Gibbon's "Decline and Fall of the Roman
Empire."
Postmaster General Arthur S. Summerfield
is carrying on in the old tradition of "Com
stockery," as the Des Moines Register puts it.
Recently, a copy of "The Lysistrata" was
mailed to a rare books dealer in Los Angeles
'Phony Girls'
Although it has no ordained minister on its
ataff, The Nebraskan still feels itself bound to
comment that the girls in the Girl Scouts are
each 20 per cent boy.
Since the churchmen of the nation seem to
be busy condemning only the Boy Scouts, the
Nebraskan feels it is only fair and timely to
expose the type of young ladies which make
up the Girl Scouts. We have been doing exten
sive research on the girls-and have decided that
they are "phony girls' who lead Jives of alcohol
ism and broken marriages. And those who do
not join the Scouts and end up "whole" girls
also lead lives of alcoholism and broken mar
riages because they inevitably marry ex-Boy
Scouts who are 20 per cent girl.
We feel that Girl Scouts are hybrids, and we
like thoroughbreds. Even at its best, the Girl
Scout program does not appeal to the girl who
is all girt. It appeals to "tomboys."
We find that "scout fanatics wonder how we
can be so contankerous as not to become en
thusiastic" over the Girl Scouts. The reason,
of course, is that if a girl is pot a girl when she
cught to be, then she wont be a woman when
she ought to be.
Of course, there is also one advantage to
having girls wno are 20 per cent boy. Ey marry
ing Boy Scouts who are 20 per cent girl, they
balance so perfectly that the married couple
is then made up of one whole boy and one whole
girt. Perhaps, if we could have marriage pro
grams between the Boy Scouts and the Girl
Scouts, we would have no more troubles with
either group.
The Nebraskan hopes to go forward with a
policy of this type, as soon as it finishes its
present investigation of the Campfire Girls.
R. H.
Russian Venture
Russia's steel industry is estimated to be 20
years behind those of the United States and yet
the Russians have promised to deliver an up-to-date
steel mill to India for a relatively low
cost.
India and Prime Minister Nehru will accept
nothing but the best. The problem the Russians
now face in their attempt to promote good will
in Asia is where to find a firrt-class steel mill
something which they, themselves, do not have
in any great number.
What Russia will probably have to do is buy
the materials and services of technicians from
Western nations whose progress they were try
ing to equal in this propaganda attempt.
Probably the most discouraging thing to the
Russians is that they will lose approximately
$95,000,000 in the venture if they purchase the
steel mill from the West. S. J.
Poor Aristophanes
from London. Summerfield refused to deliver
the rare volume, because as he told the dealer,
the book "contains numerous passages which
are piauuy obscene, lewd and lascivious m
character, which are well-calculated to deprave
the morals of persons . . . and almost equally
certain to arouse libidinous thoughts in the
minds of the average normal reader."
All that the dealer can do is to hope that his
lawyer will succeed in trying to shake the book
loose from the postmaster general with a court
order.
i"oor Arisiopnanesi ah ne aid was write a
saucy comedy about some women of Athens and
Sparta who set out to eradicate war by using
their most powerful feminine weapons. And
after all, he may have had an idea.
At any rate, the whole thing presents a seri
ous problem for the postmaster general . . .
An inconsistency is found in the fact that
"Lysistrata" can be found in most public li
braries in the U.S. (including Love Library)
and probably in many private homes to boot.
"The Lysistrata" has even been produced oc
casionally by college casts, Heaven forbid!
Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Aris
tophanes will be enjoying the consolation that
his work will be read in spite of, or maybe
because of, the recent publicity surrounding it.
The Postmaster General, if he were serious in
his effort to protect the morals of the nation,
completely forgot a thing called human nature.
Frankly, we are surprised that Summerfield
knew what was ki the play, let alone having
ever heard of it. One doesnt hear much about
Aristophanes any more.
Shame on Aristophanes.
Has anyone seen a copy of "The Lysistrata?"
K. N.
Wisconsin Paradox
Way up in McCarthyland, around Sauk-Prairie,
Wisconsin, a genial country editor once wrote a
series of anti-McCarthy editorials for his weekly
country newspaper, the Sau't-Prairie Star. The
editor, Leroy Gore, had been running a nice,
homey, prosperous sheet with a circulation of
about 3,200. He was making money.
Then one day he got his dander up about
McCarthy's attacks on President Elsenhower.
He asked his fellow Wisconsites "to shake off
the soiled and suffocating cloak of McCarthy
ism." His idea caught on, and he used his
presses to print petitions for Joe's recall and
started a 'Joe Must Go' club to handle the mail
and petitions. He started making speeches and
rousing the ire of his neighbors.
The county prosecutor had his ire aroused too
much, and he charged that the editor and his
club had violated a state law prohibiting corpo
rations from contributing money for policical
purposes. Gore mentioned in court that at least
40 corporations, including the Wisconsin GOP
Inc. and the Young Democratic Club of Wiscon
sin, were also violating the law, but the judge
reasoned that two wrongs don't make a right
and presented Gore with a bouncing $4,200 fine
for his club.
Gore also lost the familiarity he had previ
ously enjoyed in the town, costing him a decline
in circulation and the necessity to sell the paper.
He had, putting it mildly, been done in.
Thus turn the wheels of free society, free
speech and chicken every Sunday. If you say
any thing nasty about me, I'll tell my big
brother, or the county attorney or the judge.
My big brother can lick your big brother, and
if he doesn't, 111 throw you out of business. I
got (friends.
And then McCarthy gets up and cusses out
Milton Eisenhower and his buddies for influenc
ing the President. And Editor Gore is out of
business. It doesn't seem right. F. D.
The Lenten Promise
Personal Penances May Hinder
Fulfilling Existing Obligations
Campus Capers
By Bruce Conner
By (be RT. REV. MSGR. G. J. SCHUSTER
St. Thomas Aquinas Chapel
Lent is a period during which we are expected
to center more attention on God and the things
of God. By regular spiritual reading we give
our minds more God-centered thoughts to medi
tate on and mull over. By prayer we unite our
selves more closely to God. And the closer we
come to God, the more confidence we will have
In Him and the more of His peace and security
vill possess our souls.
Many of m gfi pepped up ever some par
ticular fnortiflcat'on that we intend to practice
daring Lent to the exclusion of a deeper dip
Into (be daily virtues and a Christian emphasis
or what we are supposed to be doing already.
Doubtless, it would be more pleasing to God
were we to fulfill the obligations of our state
la life before taking on additional penance.
Very oftea the fulfillment of those obligation
requires more sanctity than we shall ever pick
P from little crosses of our choosing. Let's
make sure of existing obligations before taking
on new ones!
Giving tip things is wonderful too. But given
up at fiie expense of tempers, at the expense of
love and charity, at the cost of normal strength
or working capacity they might very well off
set your objective. Piety that irritates those
with whom you live is not exactly pleasing to
Cod though it may flatter your ego. And ulti
mately a committee may call you with the
request that you resume your harmless vices.
For most individuals, life must go on during
Lent in its daily application at work and at
play, and at the business cf living. And the
individual who tries to withdraw, into a spiritual
shell, while physically moving in, his normal
sphere, more frequently depresses or annoys,
than inspires. And sad spinte are in a hopeless
minority, thank God!
Maybe Lent should not be so much like a
little six-week's hill that we go up on Ash
Wednesday and come down on Easter Sunday.
Maybe it would be much better if we regardei
Lent as another step in a constant climb
maybe not so steep, but yet sound progress
upward. By Easter we may not have climbed
very far, yet we find ourselves on a higher level
for the ensuing weeks, with our spiritual fibre
strengthened; and a deeper realization oi the
obligations in our state of life; and a little more
regard for our neighbor in that we begin to
love him as we do ourselves!
In effect, the mortification that is not of my
own choosing may have much more holiness
and merit about it than my own ideae on the
subject. It should rate a high priority In my
scheme of Lenten heroics.
"To ask for crosses we liave not received, and
to reject those we have, is not playing the
game . . . Fewer lofty thoughts, then, and more
humility and real generosity."
The Nebraskan
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EDITORIAL STAFF
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Jest Jestin'
Literary Genius Hit
By Biographical Lie
By JESS BROWNELI.
By JESS BROWNELL
I have received many requests
for information concerning myself
and my background. However, my
great modesty has prevented me
from answering these requests in
the way they should be answered.
So to satisfy my avid readers, I
obtained the services of my good
friend Sylvester Snood, who agreed
to write a biographical sketch for
roe. I have read his miserable ef
fort and T wish to state that there
is not a word of truth in it. Fur
thermore, Mr. Snood is a dirty-
cotton-picking (Note: in the
public interest, The Nebraskan has
deleted the remainder of Mr.
Brownell's remarks. The sketch
follows.)
"Jess Browneli was bom on Nov.
22, 1935, and much weeping and
wailing was heard that day in
the family home. From the mo
ment of his birth, he was a source
of constant irritation to his un
fortunate parents. They would
often leave him alone in a room
full of matches, hoping that he
Letlerip
fEdltor'a Vote: Lcftcn to The Vrhrxka
aiaal b typewrtttea. doable aeed and ame)
aot exceed a tcnianrai ef 150 word. Tb
Kebraskaa mem the rhrnt to edit letter!
sebmlrted. V letter will be printed if H
aot aeroaipeBted by the name ef fh
aafhor. Name will ba emitted tram aabli.
catioa apoa rcaeeu.)
Not One Girls!
Dear Editor:
The resignation of Jack Rogers
from the Innocents Society is just
another sign of the general break
down of innocence at the Univer
sity of Nebraska. It is this moral
laxity which causes the good people
of this state to shake their heads
in dispair.
It is to our everlasting shame
that of the 12 innocent people re
maining on campus, not one is a
girl. My grandfather recalls that
when he was my age, one girl out
of every ten was innocent.
It is bad enough to stop being
innocent, but to announce it pub
licly is the last stage in shameless
ness. The only result will be in
the decision of the unicameral to
reduce the University's appropria
tion by one-thirteenth.
F. JAY PEPPER
Caveat, Editors!
Dear Editor:
We are shocked, chagrined and
Indignant over the shoddy treat
ment we have received at the hands
of your staff. We are being perse
cuted as a group for the trans
gressions of our alleged member
Ira Stanley Epstein, who is, in
cidentally, a junior in Law School.
Since publication of Ira Stanley's
letter, not a single Nebraskan has
been delivered to our ivory tower.
Two of the undersigned who are
past circulation managers are par
ticularly grieved by this affront.
Thus we have been deprived of
our greatest source of entertain
ment, namely Ellie Elliot's column
which is even funnier and almost
as logical as Max Shulman's con
tribution. Mr. Stanley has been an outcast
since he descended to comment on
campi trivia. Furthermore, if you
deliver some more "rags" to our
building we promise Mr. Stanley
won't be permitted to read them.
BOB BERKSHIRE, AL BLESSING,
CHARLES BURMEISTER,
ROBERT JOHNSON,
CHARLES THOMPSON
Saster Cards
Now on Display
Large Selection
Easier April 10 this yocrr.
GOLOEflflOD
215 North 14th St.
would burn himself and the house
to cinders. The bouse, they felt,
was .expendable. .They .hadn't
counted on the qualities of their
son, however. He was far too lazy
to ever exert the energy required
to strike a match.
"Aside from these fruitless at
tempts on the part of his parents
to rid themselves of him, Brown
ell's early life was uneventful. It
was not until he was seventeen
and strong enough to leave the
house that anything of real inter
est happened to him. It was at that
time that he had a passionate but
short-lived affair with the lovely
French trapeze artist, Nonette Be
lowe. When she jilted him for a
chicken farmer, Browneli con
cealed himself in a load of cannon
balls and, to the eternal shame of
the University, came to college.
"For years now, the only form of
physical exertion in which this
fellow has indulged has consisted
of occasionally pounding the keys
of a battered typewriter. This usu
ally results in masterpieces of poor
English, monumental collections of
trivia,' and a nauseating repitition
of ridiculous opinions.
"One day this fall, The Nebras
kan found itself faced with a few
inches of blank space, and in a mo
ment of inexplicable madness, pub
lished one of these horrible little
essays. Apparently this problem
has persisted because the column
has continued to appear.
"It is my personal opinion that a
blank space would be a good deal
more pleasing than his column.
However, if this offensive column
continues to be printed, I will pro
vide at my own expense a sheet
of gummed white paper the exact
size of the column with every copy
of the paper in which it appears.
I urge everyone to take advantage
of this offer. Follow me, Sylvester
Snood, and strike a blow for liter
ature. Thank you."
Hortence 'n Gertrude
Thought Committee
Checks Red Editor
A group of Russian college news
paper editors are scheduled to
visit the United States this spring,
we hear. It's strange to think
there are Russian universities at
all, let alone newspapers and stu
dent editors. Students in Russian
colleges are undoubtedly sent
there for a purpose-but could
even the state squelch the under
graduates? We doubt it.
We can see It now the office of
the Red Rag, edited by Georgi
Poignanovitch. In the journalistic
squalor of his office hangs a pic
ture of the family tractor. Filing
cabinets full of political confes
sions line the walls.
The headline for his big story of
the day "Student-Faculty Purge
Set."
Georgi would have to check with
the Student Thought Committee
before he urged de-emphasizing
activities.
Reporters, the freshmen work
ers, have a hard time on the Red
Rag. In addition to finding their
way around campus and struggling
through the mazes of news style,
they have five feet of Siberian
snow to trudge through. And they
must know not only the right peo
ple, but the right party line. No
body can drop out of activities
which they find galling as fresh
menthe cell is watching.
Woman students on campus run
for president of Coed Commissars
and work to become Daughters of
Marx on Red May Day. This is
the same day that the men are
tackled for the Big Brother So
ciety. When students register for class
es at the beginning of the semes
ter, they not only have the long
white cards to fill out, they have
to write a political confession in
triplicate. This makes entertaining
reading on long, cold winter
nights.
Fraternities on Russian cam
puses resemble those in America.
Vodka flows in the study-halls. So
rorities have become Anti-Sex
Leagues, with chapter houses scat
tered along the frozen river near
campus. Fraternities have no
problem concealing refrigerators
from Dean Halgrinsky. Those Rus
sian winters are cold, comrade.
Textbooks cost a lot at Russian
universities. Professors keep get
ting liquidated in the purges, and
history is being re-written as fast
as the books are published. Every
semester, new courses, new books,
new professors. Delightful.
To get a nine in a course de
nounce the professors. And taking
lecture notes is so simple. Just
read Pravda and forget the lec
ture. No one takes coffee-breaks in
Russian universities. They'd rather
perch on their little smoking sam
ovars and sip tea. If any tea
leaves are left floating in the
By MARY SHELLEDY
and
JANET GORDON
dregs, they start an investigation
to see if the fortunes are subver.
sive. The Student Cheka permits
no irresponsible inferences against
campus officers. After all, the ac
tivity people are members of tht
Party.
Campus culture Isn't lacking
either. It's easy to imagine what
the paper's criticism columns
would be like barefoot ballet as
sailed for displaying too little pro.
lctariat pep.
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Athletic events are great. Pole
vaulters use icycles instead of
bamboo bamboo is rationed for
use in curtains, only. For some
reason hide and go seek is the na
tional pastime.
Summer vacations, of course,
everyone packs up for Colorful
Cossackland to work on the col
lective wheat farms. Chunky co
eds in striped overalls wander
around pulling weeds think of the
summer romances on the collec
tive farm. Boy meets girl, boy
meets tractor. The climax of the
story comes when the couple rush
es to bind the wheat before the Si
berian winter sets in.
Back on campus in the fall, e
read in the society columns that
Andrei has given Natasha his Hero
Badge. Ah, proletariat romance.
How squalid.
In the autumn at Russian cam
puses, dragging people out of class
doesn't rate a reprimand. The
pledges might be the MVD, for
all the administration knows. And
at the junior beer-bust, the speaker
is scheduled by the Party "Revo
lutionary Tactics," with a lab at
Linomagrad.
Georgi Poignanovitch had best
be careful when it comes time for
the April Fool's edition of the Red
Rag. The last editor departed
abruptly after his issue of the
Capitalist Sheet appeared.
So if Georgi is chosen to visit
America, he'll tuck his copy pen
cil behind his frost-bitten ear,
throw a picture of Bulganin in his
notebook, and come to inspect us.
We wonder what Georgi will think
of us.
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