THE DAILY NEBRASKAN
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Tuesday, April 1, 1952
Strictly Kushner
By MARSH KUSHNER
(Former Sports Editor)
The Saga Of Steve Cedershmaltz
Steve Cedershmaltz is no longer a member of the University of
Nebraska bridge team! This announcement was made public by Ely
Trump, head bridge coacn at the Cornhusker institution. .
"He ignored to follow the training table set up for our squad,"
said Trump. "His ignorance cost him his cherished spot on the
team."
The reason for the dismissal of Cedershmaltz stems from the
ruling which states that an "athlete" cannot play both bridge and
ping pong. Cedershmaltz is very adept at the game and has checked
out his paddle and ball to join the team.
Cedershmaltz was a regular dummy on the bridge crew and
was the only member who had cards to match his brain void. At
any rate, the flags will be nying half mast over the union activity
office the mighty Steve Cedershmaltz will play bridge no more
(pause while reader hangs head).
Title To Nebraska Again!
Cornhusker "tradition" was upheld as the Board of Regents,
along with a very instrumental bunch of athletic
department reserves, won the Big Seven confer
ence subsidization championship for the fifth
straight year.
The flashy crew, granting: aid and "ade" to
all prospective athletes, spent a record-breaking
total of 4 million dollars (twenty-two cents un
der the national war debt).
When we threw a slight bit of inquisitive
interrogation at Buck "Moneybags" Beggs as to
how the money was dug up (and it couldn't have
been any harder to dig up than ideas for this
"column") he responded, "we gotta deal with the
Crib. We rake in 10 percent commission on all of
the cherries they put on sundaes."
Just Some Odds And Ends
Steve "The Grand" Canyon, eligible Cornhusker football end
coach, quipped "mah boys 11 be the beh-yest dressed men on the
team."
Those purple and green helmet straps really accentuate Ted
Connor's golden locks. The outfits are so striking that Gregg
McRice and Norris Bierbower received black eyes.
I. M. Farting, head wrestling coach, told this fugitive of the
Line of Fire, that he will resign as grappling mentor. Taking over
the job will be Nebraska's first feminine addition to the coaching
staff, Miss Daffy Adams, former Kansas City rustling queen.
Lost and Wanted: Bohn C. Jentley, chief of the athletic de
partment's jorrnalistic propaganda program, is looking for the critter
who took his marking pencil. If you know the whereabouts of such
a person, please contact Mr. Lost, tracer of keen persons.
Ray Reynolds, Turtle Pond, Mo., football Star, has decided to
give up football. Reason: "I've got to concentrate on my studies."
Reynolds, a former spark at Wheaties College for the subnormal,
is presently an H. N. (Hobbs and Nobbs) senior at Nebraska.
Joe Good has also cast off his sweat-smudged, grimy scarlet
.;fArm 'T rfrttfi oof nut nt thic nlnrpl
Everywhere I go I got relatives! Joe is planning
his animal (female) husbandry future at Nebraska
Wesleyan.
Win Sockey, infamous gem and ace on the
Nebraska marble team, has been concentrating on
his form. The team has been drilling on knuckling
down. (Here it comes.) That's where they took the
team's famous anthem, "Knuckle Down Win
Sockey!"
The Coffee (Scarlet) and Cream jax perform
ers are working on their "three-zies" and "four
zies" already. The boys meet Spearfish junior
college at Lead next Monday.
Fourth For Bridge?
I;
Kushner
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ProclaimsMevNaii'ionhood
By PAUL McSLUDGE the Hoboken miiTtia to active duty
(Sports Editor, Shopping Guide) 'in order to quell the rioting in
The sporting world was stunned . Wisconsin, Florida and ' Lower
and shocked today when it learned California.
I-M GOLDEN GLOVES? . . . Just a little spirited action In one of
those dull intramural games this past season. Three players died,
two suffered pregnant lips and one scratched his knee. Bill Mundell
rushes to the scene to break up the dispute.
Don't Be So Modest Estes!
for Charlie "Choo Choo'
We happen to know that Estes
Keefouver, democratic candidate
for Tennesse state railway com'
missioner, was an All American
football player at Schuyler North
(as if there were a south, east
and west!) despite his denials.
He played at the tackle posi
tion and became interested in the
railway post by leading interfer
Shockey
Squashers
To Helsinki
On to Helsinki!
This is the battle-cry which
the University of Nebraska
squash team has adopted, as
they look toward a spot in the
Olympics this summer.
The Husker squash team, the
top-rated outfit in the U. S., is
given an excellent chance to rep
resent the United States in the
1952 games at Helsinki, according
to squash coach Don Strasheim.
The jovial "Stras" told the
Daily Nebraskan Monday that
his squashers had been picked
as the number one team in the
Associated Press. The Huskers,
in being picked as the number
one team, edged out such strong
contenders as Hofstra, Coe Col
lege, Missouri Mines and Sister
Margaret's Third Grade Globe
trotters. "I am proud and happy," said
Strasheim, "that my squashers
have come through in true Husker
tradition."
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that the University of Nebraska
will compete in the 1952 Olympic
summer eames as a seDarate na
tion. Head track and field coach "Portia's
Ed Weir announced this startling
item to 150 of the nation's top
sports writers whom he sum
moned to the special meeting in
the University's livestock pavil-
lion Monday night.
Coach Weir, who is resigning
his track position at the end of
this year to take over the NU
chess coaching job, came forth
with this eye-raiser at the con
clusion of his two-hour speech.
The content of his speech hinted
that a shocking statement of
this sort was in the making as
he continually pounded the
fact that the Huskers are send
ing more than their share of
athletes to the games, repre
senting the United States.
After lamenting the fact that
Husker representatives swept 19!
firsts and 21 seconds in the 1948
games and then received only
enough money to build the 17 in
door swimming pools the Univer-
I
am picking the Washington Sena
In contrast, the rest of the
world appeared extremely
pleased. The BBC interrupted
Other Husband" ori
ginating from London with the
special announcement that they
now could almost certainly de
feat the United States in the
summer games and win the
twenty -billion dollar wager
with this country on the out
come. All over Britain were
heard the gleeful shouts, "iloo
ray. We eat meat again."
France came forth with the
statement, "Tjour L'mour" which
seems appropriate for the French.
(Russian delegate Malik, in the
special United Nations hearing,
was so elated he forgot to walk
arations. Coach Weir ordered a
special workout for all NU stu
dents in order to facilitate mak
ing up his roster. The Husker
fervor even interrupted spring
football practice which up to
now has never been heard of.
Top Husker candidates at the
present include Glenn Beerllne,
Irving Thode and Hoppy McCue
in the marble-rolling and Clayton
Scott in the crow-bombing. Weir
xclaimed that he hopes to have
Paul Grimm ready for his spe
c i a 1 1 y, car-hopping. Grimm
iammed his leg on a fender last
week and is nursing a henryhorse.
While most of the campus
skipped their eight-o'clock's for
special workouts, the vigilant
NU student council rolled In
high gear preparing a special
investigation to investigate Mc
Carthy's investigation.
Final statement from Coach
out during the controversy of the
; East-Scandinavian uprising. When ( Weir as this paper went to press
i approached for a statement, Malik : was, "I am convinced that the
emphatically raplied, "No!" (Washington Senators' improved
j The Nebraska institution was pitching strength will carry them
meanwhile making rapid prep- ito the pennant.'
ence
Visiting the Cornhusker capital ty now enjoys, . Weir stated,
...i, , emr.r.th toiu-incr Qc am mckine the Washington Sei
U1I3 WCCA. bile sHiuuui i . , , . . T
pirant . vehemently denied playing tors to win the American League
All American tootDaii. "An was,"" "ui " uc"" " ;
only a-playin' second team ball," This was .obviously a teaser in
otA tv, rutinai hnnpfiii "Mah dicating what was to come be
nnarh .Tnp Rchuvler House, will cause he thenceforth announced,
back me up on mah convictions."
But we know different, Ji-stes.
CARDINAL ACE ... St. Louis'
'eye-catching Cardinal chuckef,
Harry "The Cat" Brecheen was
nicknamed thusly because his
movement on the mound re
sembles those of a cat. (It has
been rumored he is fed cat-nip
between innings.)
Athletic Department Shakeup
By EMILIANO ZAPATA sport."
' (Mexican Correspondent) I Glassford told the Daily Ne
A big shakeup of the University 'braskan that he plans to use the
of Nebraska athletic department. " ",M"
late Monday brought the folowing
results:
Bill Glassford, former football
coach, has resigned his grid
position to coach baseball, his
favorite sport
George "Potsy" Clark, NU ath
letic director, smilingly resigned
from his position to al'iOW Bobby
Decker, star Scarlet footballer, to
take over.
Harry Good quit as head bas
ketball mentor to coach wrest
ling, gymnastics and swimming.
Al Partln, Jake Geler and Hol
lie Lepley (coaches of wrestling,
gymnuastics and swimming, re
spectively) will take turns tu
toring the baskelball team next
season,
Potsy Clark, on resigning, said
"I like my job but feel that it Is
only proper for me to step down
in favor of a more capable man.
I know that Decker can do the
job, because he has all the tools
a man In this position needs. He
can read and write."
Harry Good had nothing to say
about bowing out as cage mentor.
His successors, Partin, Geier and
Lepley, all talked at once and the
Daily Nebraskan couldn't under
stand them.
Sharpe, the new Husker foot
ball head, said he would follow
a general de-emphasis plan in
the 1952 season.
Track Coach Ed Weir, when
contacted by the Nebraskan in re
Alumni-Varsity
Game Offers
Odd Surprises
By GRANTLAND DOBBINS
Sports Staff Writer
The Alumn-Varsity clash dur
ing All Sports Day Saturday will
present many surprises to the
Cornhusker fans.
Tom Novak, former Nebraska
All-America center, will not
handle the alumni coaching
chores as planned. Neither will
be be able to captain the oldsters.
Novak called a five-hour
screening practice for trie aging
alums Monday, in which Terrible
Tom the Two Timm' Tram
Wrecker broke both legs, both
arms and his contract.
He will view the game over
the Lincoln General hospital tel
evision set. Cornelius Convon
dusky has been chosen to fill in
for the ailing Husker great. In
aU his career as head coach at
seven major colleges he has
never tutored a winning grid
team.
Earlv lineun reports from Bill
Glassford's office confirm the
rumors that the Nebraska varsity
team will be shifted somewhat for
the Saturday game. Jane "Mad
Man" Madden and Bobbie "Rough
and Rugged" Russell will captain
the Varsity unit.
Coach Glassford nicked the pair
to lead the Huskers because of
their "rugged play a gainst the
ATO's in mid-October, team spirit
and willingness to carry on the
Cornhusker tradition."
Beer Mugs Stolen
A big mystery at the University
of California is who stole 50 beer
mugs from a women's dormitory,
But the biggest mystery is how
did 50 beer mugs get in a worn
en's dormitory in the first place?
Main Feature Clock
Rchtdall Punished br Theaters
Esauire: "Trio." 7:24. 9:06.
Varsity: "The Las Vegas Story,"
1:28, 3:32. 5:36, 7:40, 9:44.
State: "Family Secret," 2:00,
4:43, 7:26, 10:00. "Triple Cross,"
1:00, 3:43, 6:26, 9:02'.
Mat. Hat. Sun. 3 p.m.
lve 1-.IS ao4 p.m.
S Excttlnr
, I Slum In 1 !
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YtS.!1? lalnment For
I FT" 1"" Romance I
tsomtsn Id (IIS.1
MAUCHAM't lflSMti
j, "Piano ConeeHo
AQUea. ,n n.yimt Minor"
'!f u vs. rnarh has'gard to his position on the athletic
Tony Sharp, basebal coach, has QrtrnDnt. chakplin. minted an
taken over at the helm oi we ; ienced fi nger toward the sky
football team, replacing Bill Glass- g -Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-A
ford, who took Sharpe s joD as flock of -em flew over that time!"
diamond mentor.
The men involved In the
shakeup had varying reactions
to the move.
Said Glassfor, "I've always haa
a secret desire to coach baseball, i
As you all know, it is myiavom-
l-M Star Disqualified
The intramural department was
thrown into a wild fervor today
when it was learned that Dame
McClouthy, just last week named
to the All-University All-Star
basketball team, has been dis
qualified for being a professional.
McClouthy, who reportedly gained
unanimous selection for the fra
ternity "A" and All-U cage teams,
was revealed Monday to have ac
cepted five-thousand dollars to
throw his team's final regular
season game with Gamma Phi
Beta. This, under the I-M stat
utes, clearly labels the rangy
eager as a pro.
McClouthy, at the present un
der protection of the Kefauver for
President backers, gave only this
statement: "I think the Washing
ton Senators will win the Amer
ican League pennant."
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UNFOLDING WITH UNENDING SUSPENSE!
aLUMM rICTUK! pnwa
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Jimmy (ileaeoa Joe KirKwooo
Htartlnf April s
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NEW ALUMNI MENTOR . . .
Cornelius Convondusky, who
has an outstanding coaching
record at several major colleges,
will take over coaching chores
for Tom Novak during Satur
day's alumni -varsity game. No
vak was victim of several seri
ous injuries in Monday's scrimmages.
"The University of Nebraska will
enter the 1952 Olympic games in
Helsinki as a separate and dis
tinct group."
Huskerland was immediately
over-joyed. A spontaneous rally
was formed as the entire stu
dent body of 53 students pa
raded up and down "O" street
until 5 a.m. this morning.
Governor Val Peterson, upon
learning the news, had only this
to say. Showing extreme relief,
he stated, "Wow! Is that good
news. I thought they were going
to march on the capitol again."
Considering the present Univer
sity parking problem, it is very
evident to what he referred.
Meanwhile the entire world was
buzzing. Senator Joseph Mc
Carthy, who only last week" an-;
nounced that he was running for
President, immediately launched :
an investigatfon, labeling the NUi
departure as "Communist in
spired." President Truman, fear
ing another civil war, declared a
state of emergency and ordered
wuui iixui.iiiw'irk -.u.- -i ii -.ii-jJiumiJiif x ; ra 'f'i'' :v:w-fi?Mw""' "immm
mm
The Daily Nebraskan want
ads have a reputation for quick
economical results.
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