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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (April 2, 1951)
PAGE 4 THE DAILY NEBRASKAN Monday, April 2, 1951 Who Cares About the Faculty ... Beloved Fiddle Prof Resigns Because of Inferiority Complex By Sylvia Clodhammer "I have given you my best," said Thurmond Q. Throttlebot tom, assistant professor of the double bass bow fiddle, upon resignation yesterday. Throttlebottom, 19, is retiring. He feels that his services are no longer needed in the School of Music. "The instrument is driving me mad," contended the professor. "My students are so much better tnan I fa that it is giving me an inferiority complex. I feel a crack-up coming on, and unless I quit now while I am only half as good as my students, I will not be able to live the rest of my seventy-one years facing the hard cold reali7ation that I was hired solely to lure girl-music majors into the bass bow fiddle depart ment because of good looks." Future Flans After he returns to normal life. Throttlebottom plans to live in Rainstorm Gulch in Lower Slob bovia, one of his "old familiar haunts," as he terms it. Once there, he will resume his practice for proficiency on favor ite selection, "'The Violin's La ment," arranged for the snare drum. This was his project be fore Arthur J. Eastcreek, Direc tor of the School of Fine Arts at the University, saw what he thought was fiddle-sawing genius end dragged him by the hair all the way back to Nebraska with him. "Ever since, I have worn a! crew cut for extra precaution," muttered the begrudged Throttle bottom. The double bass bow fiddle professor has been a brawny youth ever since he was a small babe. He was given the instru ment by his loving father at the ripe old age of 85 minutes. For this, Throttlebottom killed his father by cracking him over the head with the instrument, thus shattering the parent's skull to bits. Throttlebottom's Lamentations "I was sorry that my act didn't shatter the fiddle too," Throttle bottom plaintively reflected. "Pa pa had a terribly thin skull and I '-didn't know it at the time." At the age of three, the double bass bow fiddle player was al ready on his way to becoming a genius. One of the invincible Lower Slobbovian bearcats i if LJi "MY BEST" Says Thurmond Q. Throttlebottom, retiring assist ant professor of the double bass bow fiddle, as he thrusts the instrument into the talented hands of his successor, Viola Voilina, one of the students and a freshman at the University. Upon retiring, he will return to his home in Rainstorm Gulch, Lower Slobbovia. He has honorary memberships in the Na tional Bird Dog club, the International Association of Watch- birds and the Amateur Leap Froggers. dropped dead in its tracks when one for each year of his life. he heard Throttlebottom play. -rv,0 ulr, 4 . The strain on his ears had been They help him to member each Throttlebottom has 19 wives, joyous moment better, he claims. April 1 3th Date for Abolishment Of All Coed Curfew Hours Curfew hours for all coed on campus have been abolished and the new ruling will go into ef fect Friday the 13th of April. This news was released by Dean Marjorie Johnston today. Previously, Friday and Satur day night closing liours were 12:30 and 1 a.m. respectively. With the new ruling a coed would be able to spend the en tire week-end with one date. The request for the abolish ment came from Nancy Button, newlv elected cresident of AWS. Miss Button asked for the abol ishment on behalf of the AWS board. They felt their court period on Friday was taking up too much time trying late-minute coeds. Discontinue Court AWS plans to discontinue the court practice with the arrival of spring picnic weather. N Club will then be in charge of the he was in the death house and coed court and sentence the guu- didn't want to die with his boots ty coeds accordingly. en. Lincoln coeds will be restricted, 'Country Man' May Fold Up Due to oligarchy in the Ag col lege government, the Cornhusker Countryman editor will no longer be able to serve in his 'position.' Former editor inmate Rex Hessersmith was last seen in his cell down at the State hospital for the insane pulling his long black hair and stroking his fuzzy beard muttering to himself: "Wonder what happened to that Business Manager should have bonded him, bonded him, bonded him . ." - He was also wearing his leo pard skin coat but he had finally taken his boots off. He thought Students Riot While in Line For ISA Council Blanks however. Miss Johnston feels that since the dead-line ban has been lifted from coeds living on the campus, Lincoln girls should now be governed by campus coed's former ruling. Lincoln Deadline The Lincoln girls' deadline will also be enforced April 13. Fri day and Saturday night's dead line will be 9:30 and 10 p.m. re spectively. Charter members of Tau MU Epsilon will help Miss Johnston inforee the ruling, the TME president said. It is doubtful the campus coed will support the new ruling, pro tests are already being voiced. It is believed that campus coeds will continue to come in at 12:30 and 1 a.m. or earlier, even with the new ruling in effect. Aggies Urged To Use Lawns Cutting corners and walking across the wide gutted and eroded malls rather than taking a little caution and going around on the sidewalk is the newest fad on Ag campus today. Monday, April 2, marks the end of a campaign to become "Campus Conscious" and the in augeration of a new attitude called "Gone Lawn." It will in volve littering up the campus and utilizing the path ways. New Ruling: Approved The ruling agreed upon by all Ag campus factions, cells, ham lets and other organized groups, as well as Dean of the college, will be enforced if necessary the rest of the semester. "We cannot sacrifice our side walks to the endless shuffling of student feet when the beautifully gullied mall will take the chain gang crew without much notice." Jerry Johnson, president of the long outdated Ag Exec board made this statement during a con versation which centered around the last project of the dying gov erning body. Some Ignore the Lawns Raving Reporter ... Profs Quizzed on Reasons for Raising Their Wages; Majority Objects to Plan , By Lulu Pretzel , Even professors can't escape your roving reporter and his re vealing questions. A few of them were asked if they thought pro fessors' wages should be raised and why. Little did they know that their answers were being recorded and witnessed by two. that were given before the par ties concerned were dragged off by the men in the little white coats. Professor Hilch, well known lecturer, had this to say" about raising teachers wages: "Well, uh, that is to say, uh, yes. That Here are a few of the answers is, well, I wouldn't say that ex- AUF to Earmark Funds For Poolhall Construction the campus improvements - com mittee said most students know where to walk, but there are a few students and some of the fac ulty who seem to ignore the lawns. Dean W. V. Lambert stated that Aggies have been using the side walks only recently. Formerly, in the good old .days, students were not so assinine, he said. "Ag campus has always had the reputation of being a cow past ure," he said. "But students for get." Canasta Player To Talk to N Club Norma Chubbuck will address the annual N Club banquet Fri day night. Miss Chubbuck, a Mortar Board, will tell club members how she rose to the top as a can asta player. Miss Chubbuck has been active in obtaining a new canasta arena lor the University. It now accommodates 64 canasta players. Administration Abolishes Finals Despite mass protest to the con trary, the administration has de cided to discontinue final exams. A student group led by Wayne Handshp stormed the administra tion building shouting, "Final ex ams are an intregal part of Uni versity life, and their abolition will cause an undue amount of friction among student societies," at the top -of their voices. Dr. G. W. Rosenlof , registrar, has announced that the faculty senate came to the unananimous decision that finals cause too much worry for instructors and should be abolished before the staff becomes neurotic. Mumbled Handshy as he and his loyal followers returned de feated to their homes, "There will be a lot of disappointed students on this campus." AUF president Jo Lisher has announced that an entirely new program will be set up for rais ing funds Union director Duane Lake has okayed plans for the new million pool halls to be erected in the Phi Eugene toWdffi.e " take ten years for it to be a pay ing enterpise, Miss Lisher ex pressed great confidence in the plan at her press conference yes terday. She also. Urged that Uni versity officials amend the physi cal education requirements for women -so that every graduate will have a. thorough';, knowledge of. the' game "----.-,-.- - . - -More Pool Players Needed "It is essential," she said, "that every University -student be a pool plaj'er. Otherwise, the plan will fail, the University will be in debt and the place will go to the communists!" New charities have, asked for University aid, it. was also an nounced. Since the 'goal this year is six billion (unequaled only by Truman's proposed budget), stu dents and inhabitants must as sume new responsibilities and discontinue their sub-rosa activi ties for at least a semester. Chancellor Gustavson will hold a convocation Friday, April 6 to discuss the unforeseen crisis. In a closed conference with Daily Nebraskan reporters today, he disclosed that jobs will be avail able to University students who wish to -earn the money them-j selves. He advised, however, that the majority of the amount be solicited from parents of NU stu dents. 'After all," said Gus, "they should do something for the school in lieu of the unparalleled education given to their 'young tins'." The AUF will support national campaigns and organization such as the Klu Klux Klan, the social ist presidential candidate, Sumner J. House, a former University pro fessor, and Idiots Anonymous. Tentative plans are being dis cussed by board members to sup port Larry Parks' case in the Su preme Court, a campaign to bring back Ingrid Bergman to the American screen and lobbiers for drafting unmarried, 45-year-olds with children. Board members expressed the hope that University students and faculty members alike will give their wholehearted support to the program. If there is not 101 per cent cooperation, students will probably be conscripted to earn their goal or a certain undisclosed amount will be deducted from their tuition. actly, but approximately. Now this should not be taken literally but it is quite precise according to the last figures released which were not conclusive, I should surmise just that." This was all Professor Hilch had to say as he was already fifteen minutes lata for a class. Plumbing College Head Much more emphatic were the Comments of Dr. L. B. Snickless, B. S., who is head of the Plumb ing College. "I am definitely against raising wages. After alL we don't deserve it. I feel quite guilty every time I take a pay check because of what I'm not doing for my students. I give hard tests, long, dull lectures and above all, keep them in class on beautiful sunny afternoons. You can count on me to take a def inite stand against any such pro ceedings. . i Art for Art's Sake . An art instructor gave his aesthetic reasons for refusing any more money. "I do believe that art should be for art's sake. I love my work and taking money for doing it would be just as absurd as paying someone. to go t a Wagnerian opera or a lecture on Rembrand't brushes. We all do it because we love it and to bring money into the question is just a vulgar, dirty old thing and I won't stand for it" , Four University Buildings Honored by Title of 'Beautiful9 Anasthesia Twottlebottom To Head Pep Group Anasthesia Twottlebottom was elected president of Tassels at the regular Sunday night meeting. Miss Twottlebottom defeated Sophronia Fourflusher for the of fice. She succeededs Lulu Woo Woo. Anna Hist wes elected vice president, Rose Bush, secretary and Clarabell McDaffy, treasurer. Four University buildings have been selected as some of the ten most beautiful buildings in the world. . Kent Axtell, University stu dent in architecture, made this announcement as a result of a press release from the Taj Mahal, India. For many years, in fact, ever since the state capitol building was chosen as one of the most beautiful buildings in the world, administrative officers of the University have been deeply con cerned over the fact that Univer sity buildings have not rated this honor. The four buildings so honored are the Temple theater building, Ellen Smith hall, Architectual hall and Temporary K. Taj Mahal Vacation In the press release from the honors selection committee, now vacationing in the swimming pool in front of the Taj Mahal, var ious cultural and beautiful aspects of the four buildings were given. The Temple building was chos en on the basis of its outstanding durability. The theater, which was condemned as a fire trap several years ago, has remained in constant use Up until this time. Another feature of the Temple which received special mention was the two sets of stairs that lead to the two entrances to thej building and the labyirinth of stairs, passageways and rooms which honeycomb the theater. Ellen Smith hall, made famous in a feature article appearing in The Daily Nebraskan by Jerry Bailey, has been Immortalized be cause "it exactly resembles a quaint, old lady looking over her brood of wayward .coeds." Architectural hall was chosen for the honor because of the many uses to which it has been put during its years on the Nebraska campus. It houses many Univer sity agencies at the present time and has served as a stronghold for many organizations during past years. Temporary K has been chosen as one of the most beautiful buildings in the world because it represents an era in our nation's history which will never be for gotten. This refers, of course, to the building materials shortage caused by the last world war. Consequently several charming, white buildings have become in situtions of this great place of learning. Selected on Interior This year's selection was based on, according to the chairman of the committee, while floating on his back in the Taj Hahal swim ming pool, interior beauty and appropriateness as to function, rather than on merely the ex ternal structure of the buildings. LIKE THOUSANDS OF AMERICA'S STUDENTS MAKE THIS MILDNESS TEST YOURSELF AND GET WHAT EVERY SAAOKER WAWTS Police were called to quell the Tiot in the ISA office Monday. Approximately 500 students bat tled furiously to get in line for ISA council application blanks. J. Bristol Turner, acting presi dent, was threatened by one ir rate ex-fraternity member be cause he would not let persons with weighted averages below 5.5 have blanks due to the immediate demand. Pleased With Interest. "I am pleased with interest shown in the organization," said Turner. Turner recently sub mitted his resignation to the ISA post because he was elected vice president of the faction. "With the revived interest and popu larity among students, ISA may consent to join the iaction,"pre dicted Turner. Requirements for ISA council Include a "weighed average of 5.5 in at least 11 hours of Univer sity work, membership in at least one fraternal organization and an essay of 33,000 words stating why the applicant thinks he should be a member of the party. Lined Up. Students were lined up al phabtetically by the police offi cers and patiently waited their turns to get application blanks. The Lincoln fire department deemed the crowded stairways a fire hazard and a single file line was originated that went past the International house on R street. Students jubilantly sang the ISA pary song as they waited. A few Panhellenic council members picketed the line asubt finally joined the applicants. The ISA treasurer served free cokes and cheeseburgers to the applicants so that they would re alize the friendly spirit of the ISA organization. Luane Dake Confesses Theft Of Fire Axes From Union At last, the "stolen fire" mys tery has been solved. Extensive grilling of alleged .culprit, Luane Dake, Union direc tor, by Sgt. Fohn Jurrow, cam pus cop chief, resulted in a full confession early Monday morn ing under a sunlamp. "The infamous deed was mo tivated by a simple impulse," stated Sgt. Jurrow. "Dake, evi dently pressed by creditors who sold him an expensive television set for the Union, was forced to minimize costs. The creditors agreed to reduce the price con siderably without the rich ma hogany casing. "So Dake set out to build the casing himself," continued Sgt. Jurrow. Cut Trees Himself Intent on obtaining only ma hogany, Dake was little daunted when he found out thai the local lumber companies were fresh out. Thoughts of mahogany con- -WANT ADS tl'f'ORTUNITX for quallflwl nmmaroui uprny ptiiM itlrl ummr. Ouanui uml minimum wr, Praviout experl mtot pntKmri Cork Blamond, Dorm C or 1wip Valter Flying IMrvlc, Ord, Mbraauuu i.. i. oawMj IlKhUr. Initiate J.H.E. JKowara. JM44B. ..-(....id portable typnwrlUr " with .BT-(aj mm. Good (audition. Call five. at wjii . JSvotoU Walton. 1.1(16 No. Sh. Ptinna S-6ll. Room for S twtnl hew, lajtit Muto put monta, .( tinually haunted the Union di rector, until unable to resist the pressure of events, any longer, he decided to cut down some mahogany trees himself. Figuring this would be a sim ple matter, he "borrowed" one of the fire axes from the Union, with full realization that the theft is a federal offense and liable to federal law. "However, Dake ran into trou ble aplenty," explained Jurrow. "In chopping down the first tree, he chipped large hunks out of the blade." This meant that another ax was needed. So late at night, when the employees had left the building, Dake absconded with another fire ax. Interrupted by TNE He attempted to finish work ing on the same tree, but was interrupted by late party revel ers who wanted to paint TNE signs on the tree. In running from the scene he forgot his ax. Later, he stole the third ax. In the meantime, , the Union building burned to the ground, due to the lack of fire axes. This untimely event incurred a totu" loss of approximately $1 million As a result of his confession Dake will be bound over tc local, state and national authori ties who will divide him up. It was formerly Dake who suid that "Vandalism is not mart." He also stated that the "vandal ism is not smart." He also stated , that the "vandalism was not J willful but done on impulse." ' . fluSJXb UE3PlCASflC3T AFTCQ-TASTE QP .oX , .Lf liWwS r C ... j ovm isoo pitouiiiniT TOBACCO GROWERS SAY: 'When I opply the standard tobacco growers test to cigarettes I find Chesterfield is the one that smells milder end smokes milder." A WELL-KtlOWfi INDUSTRIAL RESEARCH ORGANIZATION REPORTS: 'Chesterfield is the only cigarette in which members of our taste panel found no unpleasant after-taste