T n E rAILY NEBRASKA
N
THE DAILY DfiUftAm""
I 1
For Gifts that
Endure
Jewelry
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Tticke
Shean
JEWELERS DIAMONDS
Merchants and Opticians
ELEVEN TWENTY-THREE
O STREET
Expert Watch, Clock, Jewelry
and Optical Manufacturing
and Repairing
GARMENT CLEANING
SERVICE
LINCOLN CLEANING AND
DYE WORKS
326 South 11th ,
Leo Soukup, Mgr., B 6575
CLUB ROOMS
For
FRATERNITIES
137 So. 11th Street
Brownell Building Call B4249
C. H. FREY
Florist
1133 O St. Phones B 6741-6742
IP
LUNCH EONETTS
SERVED
I L L ER'S
RESCRIPTION
H A R M A C Y
BEST PLACE TO EAT
ORPHEUM CAFE
1418 O
Special Attention to University
Students
N. S.SCAFE
3 139 SoutlTEleventh-
On 11th at P Street
SARATOGA
RECREATION
FLOORS
CHAS. N. MOON
B-13J2 B-370S
LOEB'8 ORCHESTRA
MUSIC FOR ALL OCCASIONS
ORCHESTRA FROM FIVE TO
TWENTY-FIVE PIECES '
fazi Band or Boiler Shop Effects
on Request Only
A Fresh Suit
adds a Wouderful
(Amount of Pep
Let us clean your suit.
. We call for and deliver.
LIIICOLtl CLEANING
& DYE WORKS
326So. 11th
LEO SOUKUP. Mgr.
(10 LONGER A JOKE
Boys in Khaki Don't Like "Slam"
. at Mother-in-Law.
Ag-Old Standby of the Professional
Humorist Has Been Killed by the
War, and of Course There's
a Reason.
The story Is told from one of the
huge auditoriums of the "Y" In a can
tonment not far from one of the larg
est cities. The crowd extended to the
doors and rows and rows of big. husky,
clear-eyed boys In olive drab eat crowd
ed together on the benches. The next
day would find them en rtute to Ber
lin, but that did not matsVr to them.
They were there to hear the big. burly
man on the stage who was responsible
for the 6houts of laughter that blend
ing together In one great roar almost
lifted the roof.
One of the funniest comedians had
made the special -trip to their camp
Just to give them this opportunity.
There Is nothing that the American
boy loves more than a good Joke. The
celebrated comedian was enjoying him
self as much as the boys as one after
another of his stories "got across."
He saved the best one to the last.
With n twinkle In his keen eyes he
sprang It, a brand new variation of the
ege-old mother-in-law story. He told
It well, It was excruciatingly funuy and
it was new. But It fell flat. The big
spontaneous burst of laughter was not
forthcoming. But they "more than
made up for It when they began to
,'ap as the Jokester left the platform
and when they gave hlni three cheers
after the performance.
But It worried the comedian and lat
er he asked a lieutenant about It. The
lieutenant lighted his cigarette before
answering. "I don't suppose you fel
lows outside this man's army have any
reason for knowing this, but the old
mother-in-law Joke will never get over
again. I couldn't laugh at one, no mat
ter how funuy It was. to save my neck.
It wouldn't seem funny to me. You
see when war was declared, I wanted
In the worst way to enlist. Fellows
with kids see It even before the single
ones, but I felt that It wouldn't be
right to do It then on nccount of Mary
and the children. I couldn't keep up
my home on a soldier's pay, If I gave
up my Job. It didn't seem the square
thing to them then.
"Well, my mother-in-law sent for me
to come around one night and see her
alone on my way home from the office.
She fold me that she knew Just how I
felt about enlisting and that I wasn't
to let the money side of it stand In
my light for an Instant. I could do
what I could, she said, and she would
make up the rest. She hadn't a boy
of her own to go and anyway Mary and
the children were to get all she had
when" she was gone, they might as well
have It now when they needed It most
It's no use, the old mother-in-law Joke
Is dead. There are hundreds of boys
right here in this one camp who feel
exactly as I do about It."
They Fly Faster, Too.
Our coinage Is symbolic of the
change In America's attitude. On the
new quarters the eagle Is seen In full
flight eastward, with beak and talons
ready for action. On the old quarter
the eagle simply stood still on lb! tall
and flapped its wings. One claw held
a few antiquated weapons, the other
waved an olive branch, while Its beak
was entangled with a scroll.-Independent.
A Repudiated Citizen.
"We've 'bout decided to oust old Bill
Bottletop out o' this community," re
marked Broncho Bob.
"What has he been doing?"
"Hasn't been doing anything. It'
the way he talks. He says he doesn't
mind these gasollneless days. What
worries him is these dodgast saloonless
days."
English "College Men" Are Girls.
War and the Industries made neces
sary by war have had the effect of de
pleting the student bodies of the Eng
lish universities to an extent that will
be serious this year. At the Univer
sity of Birmingham, one of the most
modern and progressive seats of learn
ing In Great Britain, where scientific
training is a specialty, all or the gradu
ates who received the degree of bach
elor of science this year were women.
Two-thirds of the masters of science
were Japanese and four-fifths of the
bachelors of medicine were girls.
Soldiers' Pet Dogs.
American soldiers In France are re
ported to have not less than 4,(X0 pet
dogs. In some regiments every com
pany has a dog that Is the playmate
and ndorlng comrade of the stalwart
young fighters from the United States.
Bellicose Tendencies.
The questionnaire asks the retfs
trnnt whether he ever lived wltu his
mother-in-law, but does not ask In ad
dition: Arc you as a renlt persi
nently In the tncod to fight? Loels
tlMe Connor-Journal.
SCHELLY PACKS UP
AND IS OFF TO WAR
(Continued from page 1)
The Kansas school has been quar
antined until last Monday against ln
fiuenxa. nd the football team has been
putting In extra time on the practice
gridiron. Practice bouts are planned
ulth the Haskell Indians and tuoy are
brushing up on the passing and kicking
departments of the game.
Football Rally Thursday
A rally Is being planned for Thurs
day morning at the Temple to beat the
C'ornhusker spirit up for the battle bo
as to meet the Kansas enthusiasm
and drown It out. The rooting at
the Omaha game showed that No
braska supporters are not familiar
with the college songs and yvlls, and
the Thursday rally Is parriy for the
purpose of teaching the varsl'y yells.
KEARNEY CLUB HOLDS
FIRST SOCIAL MEETING
The first social meeting of th Kear
ney club was held in the form of a
weiner roast at the statv farm grov
on Saturdav evening. November V).
After spending several hours at the
grove, the members proceeded to tie
home of Professor and Mrs. l'.rokaw
where Miss Riley entertained them
the remainder of the evening. All who
were present reported a most enjoy
ab!v time.
Cook A man who was a chauffeur
in civil life. Men who were cook in
civil life are usually made chauffeurs
in the army.
Private The only known creature
that has !ss privacy than a gold
fiish. .
Tent A cloth hut where men try
to hide from Top Sergeant. It has
only two temperatures--one hot and
one cold.
Pay Day A mirage. The private
has visions of spending thirty bucks,
then" finds that owing to insurance.
Liberty Bonds and allotment, he owes
the government $1.70.
Rifle An instrument for collecting
dirt.
Guard The only man in camp to
whom every man In camp Is a fr?end.
American Printer.
We love athletics, and especially the
kind that is willing to swing a hoc or
steer a plow when It cannot wield a
saber or point a gun.
It Is said that Germany is enraged
at the campaign against the German
language in this country. Aw, what's
the use o' getting mad?
URGENT APPEAL
FOR WAR FUNDS
(Continued from page 1)
army home. During this time tho.
agencies engaged In war work must
promote activities to absorb the atten
tlon of the boys and to utill-a their
time.
"The University In Khaki"
Already the V. M. C A. In addition
to a recreational program has planned;
to launch an extensive educational
campaign to be known as "The Uni
versity In Khaki." To do this requires
American dollars and unlversl'y stu
dents throughout the country are call
ed upon to subscribe liberally that the
boys "over there" may have some ol
the educational privileges which thex
themselves enjoy.
The reports of the S. A. T. C. com
panies and the coed teams at 1 p, m
Tuesday follow;
8. A. T. C.
Naval section
Company "A" '.'no report
Company ';B" no 1
Company "C" no rppoft
Company "I" .,Jn
Company "E" ,J9g
Company "F" 0 rcpon
Girls' Team
1 Stella Abraham, captain.no report
2 Evelyn Black, captain jjo.oq
3 Mary Brownell, captain 15,00
4 Genevieve Freeman, cap.... 99.00
R Madeline Glrard, captain... 20.00
6 Ruth IlUiCon, captain... no report
7 True Jack, captain 1339
8 Helen Kendall, caialn 40.Au
9 Carolyn Reed, captain Hoo
10 Betty Scrlbner, captain 10.00
Graduate, Anette Andercon. ca;. 63.00
There's Zip to it, Boys!
HERE'S the
yell master
of them all
the campus favorite
with college colors
in stripes across
the breast and
sleeves. There
never was a more
attractive design
never a better
made, a better
styled, or a better
wearing shaker
sweater. It's a
I
mi 11 ft if - - '
ideal for all 'round service a big luxurious sweater
that will stand four years and more of "rough
housing" on the campus.
If your dealer doesn't sell Bradley Sweaters, America's best
Shakers, Jumbos, Jerseys, and the only genuine Navajos, write
us for the names of dealers who do it will pay you.
URADLfcY KNITTING CO..
Delavnn, Wisconsin
TO
THE languorous charm of the
Hawaiian native instruments so
moving in appeal, so observably
in vogue is strikingly characteristic
of the Ukulele. Its tone possesses that
curiously beautiful timbre, that exotic
charm of tonal quality which has
made these instruments so sensation
ally popular.
The Ukulele has a pleasing erace of
form. The finer models are made
of genuine Hawaiian Koa wood. It
is much in request today among the
smarter college and other musical
organizations.
It it eay to learn. Iu price includes an
Instruction Book.
Hawaiian Steel Guitar
Every chord struck upon this typically rep
- retentative Hawaiian instrument it marked
by a weird, plaintive harmony and strangely
beautiful qualities of tone. It brings, to any
music, qualities full of vivid color and va
ried charm.
Price W OO ml ufwtit, liKiadinf Stcc! tMStttl TK-c
Tbivbk lor pUyinc, u4 Iwcracuoa Book.
Catalogs n application.
Lyon fcf Heahf "Waihhurn"
Ukultltt, $15.00; Leonard
Nurut genuine Hawaiian make,
$7.50 f Mauna Loa brand, $4.
May he had of 12,000 leading
music dealers. Write for name
of the nearest dealer.
mm
51-67 JACKSON BOULEVARD
CHICAGO
1
f.Y