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the Other Side
Another Chock.
"I'm out of cash: plcaBe draw a
check"
Thus ran the frcBhman'a plea
"My bills for laundry, books and lab
Amount up rapidly."
HIb father read the touching noto
And in reply this missive wrote:
"Your bills amount up rapidly:
In that you arc correct;
But not for laundry or for books
As you'd have me BUBpect.
In spendthrift habits you've begun,
Just draw the. check yourself, my
Bon." Ohio Lantern.
Two of a Kind.
T e Obnoxlodi Man.
Who Is he? What a question!
Haven't you mot him?. Of course you
have. I mot him today on the street.
He grinned his usual meaningless grin,
ignored my hurried olght o'clock class
salute and shouted "Say!" at my
back. A half second later found him
Btrldlng down 0 street at my aide, talk
ing loquaciously about well, I rqally
don't know what It was about. I
didn't listen. I was thinking all the
while which hint would bo the gentl
est and still the most effective;
rather a hard combination to achieve,
and I hadn't yet achieved It when we
turned up Eleventh. Now I ask you,
ray friend, in all candor, doesn't u
lady generally like to have some choice
as to her companion on a promenade,
especially when that promenade is
down 0 etroet and up Eleventh?
The obnoxious man is exceedingly
dense. Ho it Ib who comes to make an
evening call. and Btays well, stays the
limit, because you don't tell him plain
ly to go. No better reason. 8uch
small things as stifled yawns and cas
ual glances at the clock on the mantel
piece have no effect on him.
He's a crank. Quite possibly hlB
hobby is insurance. I met one Buch.
He Bpent an entire evening In explain
ing to my small mind tho value of in
surance in general and expatiating on
ten different companies In particular
who were So fortunate aa to wln hlB
confidence. It was vory terrible. I re
member I had to resort to the time
i California j
u
MM
r
PERSONALLY CONDUCTED
Excursions
Tia The 'Burlington i
EVERY THURSDAY
AND SATURDAY
J f Only $5 for & double berth and
. , $25foraR.R. ticket 2
; Until'JaneH.lW3
. . - t -
i Lincoln to Los Angeles
.. . . , . , ... A
Kiix ana get iuu imonnauon. ue-
pot 9th and P streets. City Office
JO to and O streets
(f?
honored custom of counting Imaginary
pigs jumping over a rail fence to keep
my eyes open. The two hundred and
thirty- third pig had landed safely on
the other side before the obnoxious
man took out his watch. Ever since
that time I have shunned Insurance aB
a topic of conversation, looking With
suspicious eyes on the suggestion
thereof though I imagine I am pretty
well up on the main points.
The obnoxious man Is always In the
way. To avoid him Is Impossible. As
well try to get out of swallowing your
Inevitable peck of dirt. And since we
know this to be true we fold our hands
with a sigh of resignation. So be It.
We must honor the way of providence.
The DUnsrreenble olrl.
She's not pretty. She thlnkB she 1b.
Ton to one she's too tall or too Bhort,
too fat or too lean, too red or too pale
and capping all, with eyes that don't
match the rest of her face.
She bores you. She knows It. She
doesn't care. She lines to use adjec
tives, nice, long, expressive ones it
doesn't matter much whether they're
appropriate or not. "Perfectly lovely"
and "delightfully charming" are favor
ites, and may be used in speaking of
anything "nice," from madam's poodle
dog to the latest book. She is especial
ly fond of "awful" as applied to Btrong
winds and final exams.
She delights in gosalp likes to cor
ner you at a party and talk to you
about your beB friend, slamming him
to your face, saying all the mean things
she can or can't think of. Then when
her Imagination and vocabulary are
both exhausted Bhc likes equally well
to clasp her hands with a telling facial
contortion: "Oh, I beg your pardon.
I did not think what I was saying.
How rude of me. You muBt forgive
me. You won't breathe a word, not
one wprd I should die," etc. And you
bow a grim and silent bow and edge
your way down the room, feeling very
much as IT some one had been stepping
on your toes.
She dresses aip-to-date. You can see
her coming three blockB away and hear
her, too. Tho hat of Just the right
tilt, the swish, swish, bwIbIi of silken
petticoat. Have you? Ah, yes; you
have Been and heard her. I know it.
You may even have wondered why her
hair didn't fall completely over her
left eye and have Indulged In Bome
vain speculation thereon; but I assure
you,, my friend, she has pinned it se
curely. It has taken her well, It has
taken her long enough to do It.
She Is religious. She goes to church
every Sunday when the weather is
fine. She generally enters after the
long prayer and bwIbIi, swishes down
tle aisle tp a front Beat, her attendant
meekly bringing up the rear, vowing a
mental vow, he'll never ge there any
more, but there are others. So she
thinks. She Is right. The world is
ful of idiots.
She Is ' two-faced. She turnB with
-the wind. She loyes yoii Monday
when you have 'Chocolates. " She loves
you not Tuesday when you Itaye none.
Sho makes fun of the other fellpw $o
you and makes fun of you to the other
fellow. You know it;- You detest her
Inconsequence. And still you persist
In making a fool of yourself. Why
flon't you extinguish her? I Bay that
pomethjng ought to he done to make
this species a little less evident. Why
don't you do It? J. B. R.
Dutell'a Clsnr thufu ull.
Don Cameron's for a square meal.
Flegenbaum's Pharnuvcy, 13th and O
Let the Lincoln Transfer Co. ba,ul
your trunks. Thoh6 176.
WHEN WILLIE CAME TO SCHOOL. JM
Number IV of a series of seven cartoon b on The Adventures of Freshman rM
Willie. JiB
rftK fi
Sowing his wild oats. Willie insists on taking a hand at poker and has
tho usual beginner's luck.
Academlcus. "What did you do to
the tramp that fainted?"
Medical Student. "Threw cold water
In his face."
Academlcus. "What did the tramp
do then?"
Medical Student. "Expired."
Eat at Don's Cafe.
Oliver Theater Pharmacy.
The Bully cigar students' delight.
Dr. Aley, chronic diseases, 1318 O.
C. E. Brown, DentlsL Burr block.
Eat at Hendry's. 129 North Eleventh.
Lincoln Shining Parlor, cor. 11th &0.
Halrdres8lng and manicuring at tho
Famous.
Burt's Suitorlum, 1231 O. Phones 47
and B 995.
He was only a very little cat. So
he arched his back and purred loudly
when the zoology professor stroked his
pretty fur. As I said before, he waa
only a very little cat.
Have C. A. Tucker, Jeweler, 1123 O,
fix it.
It costB but a trifle more to have tho
"Evans do your washing," but, oh, my,
the comfort.
J tXMJULMAJULVUJtSJkJtJtJkJtMJtAMAMJt JMAtAtAtACMAl SUUUULAAXXIAX
ALLEGRETTI CHOCOLATES
AT
12th&OSts.
RECTORS
rr)rrriYrYrTOrfeYrrrrrrYr
V . . . X
-Kyss v. LUKiich cu.
207 So. J J th St.
i PIANOS, MUSIC, PICTURES
t VISITORS CORDIALLY WELCOME
WM 1 1 1 l M. I"l U' I I HH'MHHH-K-H-HH-'l .H-H-H' H
'- Farmers and Merchants Bank 1
1 5th It 0,8t8.
- Transacts a general banking business. Get
one of their steel home banks. "
. i i i
I I I I I II II I I I I I I I I I I I II I I I 1 1 1 1 M I I II I I II I I I I 1 1 1 1 1 I 1 1
E. R. MATTHEWS, iPres. C W. REIGER, Treas;
G. E. SPEAR, Sec'y
(U. oIN. J900)
DEALERS DM
Pianos, Organs, Music,
Studies anct Musical Instruments
t H20O St LINCOLN NEBRASKA I
X
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