r , *
n
Conservative.
It is said to bo a
POOR NEBRASKA , conception of Mark
Raima's , the pro
ject to make Mr. Bryan governor of
Nebraska , thus insuring him another
nomination for president , and an
other defeat , as a matter of course.
The scheme looks very attractive to
down-easterners , but somehow Nebraskans -
braskans do not seem to take up the
idea with the same degree of alacrity
exhibited by politicians in other
states.
The Massachus-
ENTERPRISING. etts editor who has
discovered that An
drew Carnegie has made these many
munificent gifts to libraiies and edu
cational institutions solely for the
purpose of advertising himself and a
paper he intends to print , and that
business sagacity , not benevolence
prompted the gifts , certainly rivals
Sherlock Holmes as a searcher of
men's hearts , and a reader of men's
motives. Knowing as he undoubt
edly does that endless billions are
to be reaped in the journalistic field ,
this man Carnegie slyly expends a
few hundred millions in paving the
way for the introduction of his jour
nal. These deductions do credit to
the astuteness of this journalistic
Hawkshaw , and rear a lasting monument
ment to the business enterprise of
Foxy Grandpa Carnegie.
We see a picture
RUSTIC SIM affecting in its sim
PLICITY. plicity and pathos.
A frugal fa r m e r
sits in his cheap $50 chair , in his rude
$ (5,000 ( barn , beside his poor $500
heifer , and allows his gaze to wander
through the plain $75 window ,
across the crude $17 per-rod fence to
the humble $20,000 cottage which
will soon be ready to receive his
family and his small $8,500 store of
furniture. While ruminating over
the failure of his recent $1,000,000
campaign , he hears the voice of his
truly beloved son droning a lesson
from the dog-eared pages of his
common $3.75 grammar , and , turning ,
sees him write the lesson with his
poor 25 cent soapstone pencil across
his regulation $1.75 slate , and peer
ing over his shoulder reads :
"Run , Ran , Ruin.
Barn , Earned , Barnacle. ' '
This is the picture , and from the
look in the father's eye , there is
every probability that a worn $8.50
slipper will soon impinge upon a
pair of ovory-day trousers ( which
wore purchased upon bargain day for
exactly $7.87 in cold , beautiful ,
tangible , American silver , ) without
waiting for the aid or consent of any
nation on earth.
The defeated demo-
WHAT'S IN cratic candidate for
A NAME ? mayor of Council
Bluffs is named Jen
nings , and to this ho attributes his de
feat. He contends that in the limited
time between the convention and elect
ion day it was impossible for him to
convince the voters that he is not rela
ted to the various branches of the Jen
nings family scattered over the western
states.
The oleomargarine
BOOMERANG , bill passed the Sen
ate , and dairymen
are congratulating themselves. West
ern farmers are also cougratiilating
themselves and each other , under the
mistaken impression that the bill is a
good thing for them. Later on they
will find that they are not dairymen ,
that nearly every pound of the butter
which they send east is worked
over , and that a tax is imposed upon
the manufacture and sale of reno
vated butter. In other words , the
western farmers have become inex
tricably entangled in the cord with
which they were attempting to
strangle a legitimate industry , and
there is every assurance that if the
law is enforced , it will be repealed
at the earliest opportunity , and at
the solicitation of the very men who
have caused it to be enacted.
The New York pa-
PROMISING. trolmon who re
fused to boar the
odium which their superiors thrust
upon them , and , by making dozens of
arrests in a few hours , proved that
they wore quite capable of enforcing
the excise laws if they were per
mitted to do so , are said to have the
support of Colonel Patridge. In turn
Colonel Patridge is assured that
Mayor Low is behind him , and the
people are behind Mayor Low. This
looks very encouraging to those who
would see New York well governed ,
but are all of the parties sincere ? Of
course there is no fear that those
patrolmen will be called up and
discharged in a body for having
obeyed orders , but perhaps the more
subtle method of gradually transfer
ring them to back districts will be
adopted , and one by one they may
be shoved off the force , ostensibly for
neglect of duty , drunkenness , or un
der some such pretext , while in real
ity their only sin lies in their un
willingness to bo considered incap
able of enforcing the law , if allowed
to do so. Mayor Low is , to all ap
pearances , above that sort of thing ,
but whether or not ho can find time
to protect tno roundsmen from being
punished by the captains remains to
bo scon. If he succeeds in doing so
the death of the "protection system"
is in sight.
J. Sterling Morton ,
NOT AT HOME , editor of The Con
servative , has gone
to Chicago , to remain for two weeks or
more.
Look with suspicion
UNDER SUSupon the wench who
PICION. exploits her chastity ,
for real chastity ad
vertises itself. Look with suspicion
upon the man who embraces every op
portunity to publish his own honesty ,
for real honesty earns its own reputa
tion. Look with suspicion upon osten
tatious charity , for genuine charity
works secretly. Look with sus
picion upon Marcus A. Hanna's
reiterations of the statement that
he will not be a candidate for the
presidency in 1904 , for there is no man
more certain to be a candidate than the
candidate who is not a candidate.
Uncle Sam has ,
NOTICE. through the secre
tary of war , given
notice that Cuba has left his bed and
board , and that he will not be responsi
ble for debts which she may incur , sub
sequent to April 20th. Whether it will
be a permanent separation or only a
temporary estrangement , time alone
can tell , but it is surely one of those
cases wherein "absence makes the heart
grow fonder ; " at least , Cuba will surely
like us better when she is certain of be
ing able to keep us at a distance.
Pingree's potato
PINGREE'S plot project for poor
POTATOES. people has been
adopted by several
largo cities , this spring. Hundreds of
vacant lots will be planted , and Piu-
gree's memory will flourish like a green
potato vine. Poor people are display
ing a gratifying interest in the work ,
and are planting with an enthusiasm
that promises well for the harvest ,
though there is some fear that their ar
dor will cool , when the August sun
warms everything else ; when weeds
corrupt and bugs break in and steal.
Mr. J. P. Morgan
HAS THE PRICE , will see the coronation - - .
tion show. He will * '
occupy one of the best boxes , and en
joy the privileges of the green room. It
is even hinted that if he likes it he may
hire them to do it over again in New
York. No objection can be raised to
this , but it is earnestly hoped that Mr.
Morgan will not introduce any pf the
court customs or costumes on this side.
We can stand the thing alright as a
show , but would not like to have any
part of it inflicted upon us as an every
day affair. If Mr. Morgan will just be
content to bring the Prince of Wales
over with him , and let it go at that , we
ar.e quite willing to take his word for
the rest of it.
