Conservative.
The editor de-
CONSISTENCY. tested snobbish
ness ; that was ap
parent. He believed in being"simplo
and unaffected in all things ; consequently
quently his republican blood boiled
when lie read that an American had
in a distant land swathed his well
rounded limbs in satins , with ruffles ,
and bedecked his sword hilt witli dia
monds. The "Weekly Blatter" car
ried to its two hundred subscribers an
impassioned denunciation of all snobs
wherever found"in an article which
teemed with pungent references to
the folly and absurdity of vanities
and pretenses , and upheld the princi
ples of true plcbeau democracy at
homo and abroad. The editor of the
"Blatter" particularly objected to the
proclivities of some Americans for
what he , in his homely phraseology ,
termed "putting on style. " The cow
which supplied lacteal fluid for the
"Blatter" not milked
family was un
til eleven o'clock on the night before
publication day and the Blatter pigs
squealed vainly for their evening slop ,
for Mr. Blatter , Mrs. Blatter , Miss
Sue Blatter , Mary Blatter , ( aged 14) ) ,
and little Johnny ( aged 10) ) , all
worked far into the night setting ,
proving , printing and peddling the
edition which was so heavily burdened
with Pa Blatter's denuuciations of
' ' putting on style. ' '
And upon the same page of the same
issue of the same paper in bold typo
appeared the following :
THE WEEKLY BLATTER.
J. Henry Blatter Editor in Chief
Mrs. Gwennie Brown Blatter
Managing Editor
Susano Blatter City Editor
Marie Jance Blatter Society Editor
J. Henry Blatter , Jr Sporting Editor
When the Czar of
THE RUSSIAN Russia advanced
METHOD. the universal peace
idea , simultane
ously increasing his standing army , the
world declared him inconsistent. Events
prove that Nicholas was acting with
due propriety. Russia needs a standing
army to preserve the country ; and
universal peace to preserve the standing
army.
The old-fashioned
CANDIDATES fusionists in Nebras
IN STOCK. ka are exceedingly
fortunate in having
gubernatorial candidates constantly in
stock. Mr. J. B. Meserve , late techni
cally-guiltless state treasurer , would
make an elegant reform candidate for
the governorship and can be equalled as
to integrity and peifeot efficiency , from
a fusion standpoint of view , only by that
solid case of morbid and intensely cancerous
cereus reformation found in the Honor
able W. F. Porter , recent pop-dem sec
retary of state.
A doubloheaded
TELEGRAM. telegram from Lin
coln , dated March
19 , informs the gaping world that
"William J. Bryan , twice presidential
candidate , is taking up his abode today
in a barn. " Scores of congratulatory
messages were received , but'as to
whether they were for the barn , the
animals it contained or Mr. Bryan ,
the telegram is painfully silent. How
ever , if the American people seek a
"stable" government , where can they
better find it ?
An excited Missouri
HIGHER editor gives the Mis-
IDEALS. souri mule credit for
the recent Boor vic
tory , and suggests that this patriotic an
imal "become a part of the government
at Washington. " This encourages us
to believe that the soft-money wing of
the Missouri democracy is certainly es
tablishing a higher standard for presi
dential timber than has been its wont
of late years. The soft-money press of
Missouri has , with its kindred in other
states , encouraged the aspirations of less
worthy and more dangerous candidates.
By all means allow the mule movement
to flow on unchecked.
Editor Allen in the
APPROVAL Madison , ( Neb. , )
WHICH DAMNS. Mail , brings his legal
lore to bear upon
the Meserve fiasco , and succeeds in
clearing Mr. Meserve technically.
Without attempting to discourage Mr.
Allen's habit of falling into law , we
suggest that Judge Baxter has already
entered a decision in the case , and , as a
legal prosecution , it is a closed incident.
If Mr. Allen really desires to do Mr.
Meserve a friendly turn , he might de
scend from the bench- and mount the
editorial tripod long enough to inform a
slightly bewildered people whether or
not Mr. Meserve is a just man , simply
because the court had no jurisdiction , a
complaint was filed in the wrong county ,
funds absorbed had never been num
bered among the state's assets , or the
statute of limitations bars prosecution.
In none of these defenses is found a
cause for Mr. Allen's denunciation of
the prosecution as malicious ; in fact ,
the very nature of the defense , and the
very wording of Mr. Allen's editorial ,
damn Mr. Meserve in the eyes of the
people , and place the ex-senator , ex-
judge and present reform publicist in
the attitude of covering the tracks of a
looter of the public treasury. It would
better become an apostle of reform to
bring the perspicacity of a law-maker ,
and the erudition of a law interpreter
to bear on the tangle , and inform Nebraskans -
braskans how thousands of dollars o :
state money may- seep through the
vaults into the pockets of an official
sworn to receive no more than the in-
come allowed by law , and that man yet
! ace his fellows , a pure , undefiled citi
zen. Bartley was tempted and fell ; all
men unite in declaring him unworthy
of confidence ; no man would think of
mentioning his corrupt name in con
nection with the meanest office within
the gift of the people. Yet a former
senator and jurist does not hesitate to
say that one equally guilty must be talc-
en into the public's arms , and given the
public's confidence , not because he has
proved worthy of it , but because he has
artfully left open an avenue of escape ,
and is in a position to defy the people he
has injured. This in the name of re-
torm.
The Nebraska wing
LOVE-LORN of t h e democracy
DEMOCRACY , which is now a dis
tinct species sigh
ing for someone to love it , embraced a
half-dozen representatives of pure , uu-
defiled populism , at Lincoln , last week ,
and endeavored to arrange a wedding ,
which , however , has been indefinitely
postponed , as none of the delegates
seemed to know exactly what was want
ed , and after shaking hands all around
thought it best to go back home and
think it over. How have the mighty
fallen ! In the old days , when the glow
of red-fire and the no less brilliant
smiles of candidates lighted the streets
of Lincoln upon the slightest suggestion
from the leaders ; when the blare of
bands and the cheers of the assembled
multitudes , drowned the voices of the
eloquent expounders of the doctrines of
reform , fusion was something worth
mentioning ; but in these days when the
most strenuous exertions of a well-
drilled corps of veteran manipulators
fail to round up enough honest patriots
to form a central committee but why
allude to the painful situation ? Res
pect for fallen majesty , nay , respect for
the wounded feelings of the slighted
lover , constrains us to pretend not to
see the tears which glimmer upon the
lashes of love-lorn Democracy , nor the
pouts and giggles of heartless Miss Inconstant -
constant Populism.
An English divine ,
ENGLISH whose brain develop- *
HUMOR. ment is not claimed U.
to be abnormal , has
been struck with the idea that gambling
is only kept alive in England , by the ex
ample of the king , and that the pres
ence of his Royal Naughtiness at the
course is the sole attraction of racing.
That argument may convince in Eng
land , but on this side men are prone to
enquire how it happens that in America
where there is no king to participate ,
gambling and racing are followed even
more enthusiastically than in Edward's
domain. Can this be an example of
tliat much talked of English humor
that we have been seeking to locate for
the last century ?