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IffChe Conservative.
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VOL. III. NEBRASKA CITY NEB. THURSDAY JULY 12 1500. NO. i.
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PUBLISHED WEEKLY.
OFFICES : OVERLAND THEATRE BLOCK.
.T. STERLING MORTON , EDITOR.
A JOURNAL DEVOTED TO THE DISCUSSION
OT POLITICAL , ECONOMIC AND SOCIOLOGICAL
QUESTIONS.
CIRCULATION THIS WEEK 7,300 COPIES.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.
One dollar and a half per year , in advance ,
postpaid , to any part of the United States or
Canada. Remittances made payable to The
Morton Printing Company.
Address , THE CONSERVATIVE , Nebraska
City , Neb.
Advertising Rates made known upon appli
cation.
Entered at the postofflce at Nebraska City ,
Neb. , as Second Class matter , July 29th , 1898.
The wag statesman
PRIVATE JOHN
from Mississippi
, man
ALLEN. :
ippi was defeated
for the United States senatorship. Then
he was turned down for renomination
to congress. And after these two mis
fortunes "Private John Allen" was
invited to respond to a toast at a banquet
and the toast was "A Statesman Out of
a Job. "
With much solemnity Mr. Allen in
peculiar drawl said in substance :
"This toast to you seems funny. Butte
to me it is a solemn fact cruelly em
balmed and thrown at my head ; it is a
disaster canned and hove at me for the
edification of those who delight in re
viling the misled and the unhappy.
"Why am I out of a job ? During the
campaign of 1800 I followed our 'peer
less leader , ' the equal of Webster and
Olay , Oalhoun and Oass consolidated
in an intellectual trust. At one hun
dred and thirty-four separate places I
made a speech of which the following is
a correct report. I will edify you with
some of my prophecies. Among them I
said :
11 'If McKinley is elected and the gold
standard is maintained dire disaster ,
grim catastrophe and gaunt famine will
career howling through the land. Wheat
will sell at forty , corn at ten , oats at
fifteen cents a bushel and cotton at four
cents a pound. Everything my friends ,
the plain people' if I may quote the
lofty language of our inspired and peer
less leader produce will sell for nothing
or be given away and boot paid to those
who will condescend to take it ; and all
the things the poor man a friend
always to our peerless leader has to
buy will be raised to an altitude greater
than Pike's Peak. Fellow citizens , the
gold standard is a conspiracy to rob the
toiling millions. It presents us a future
filled with blood crushed out of labor by
the plutocratic chariots of diabolical
greed and devastating gold. '
"Now that speech was made in good
faith. I was meekly following our
peerless leader.
An Imitator. , , ,
My prophecies
were his prophecies and I humbly
emulated his wondrous power as a
delineator of calamities to come. But
gentlemen we little knew the power of
Mark Hauna. He got under the mar
kets. He lifted up corn , wheat , oats ,
cotton , beef , pork , wool and potatoes.
But he did not lift politicians , like our
peerless leader and myself , who had
made forecasts of the immeasurable
wreck and ruin which would inevitably
follow the gold standard like a shadow.
No ! no I 'our peerless leader' and I were
let down to a price level lower than he
ever predicted for corn. The demand
for 'statesmen out of a job1 has been
oversupplied and in sack cloth and ashes
we gaze with streaming eyes upon
furnaces aflame , shops humming with
the orchestra of saw , hammer , anvil
and plane and our ears are everywhere
assailed under the malign power of gold ,
Hauna and MoKinley , with the
monotony of the sounds of contented
industry and the hymns of comfort from
happy homes.
"Thus that eminent and popular brand
of hysterical and emotional statesman
ship , so pulsatingly and vociferously
typified by 'our peerless leader' and
myself , is quite generally out of a job.
The gold standard and prosperity in the
United States are to populism , to six-
teen-to-one and other vagaries as Paris
green to the codling moth , cats to rats ,
robins to worms and the fine-tooth
comb in the hair of the head of a ver
min-afflicted urchin. But again we
march after 'our peerless leader' who
still inspires us by precept and by lofty
and holy example to hunt a job. "
BOSSES.
. archists vehement
ly declare that the action of the republi
can national convention was determined
in advance by the bosses. The republi
cans may reply that in their convention
there were a number of bosses. Platt ,
Quay and Hanna contended for suprem
acy. The competition was quite spirited.
But in the Kansas Oity convention there
was but one boss. Bryan was supreme.
His word was law. From his front
porch at Lincoln , Nebraska , he directed
the machinery of the national conven
tion of his party. Since both political
parties have bosses the voter must ally
himself with the party in which the boss
element is the least dangerous. The
Bryanarchists denounce monopolies.
Gould there be a monopoly more
dangerous and damnable than a political
monopoly a monopoly of political
power ? TIIE CONSERVATIVE believes
that of two boss-controlled parties , the
party in which there is competition
among the bosses is safer than the party
in which one boss has a complete
monopoly. Down with monopoly 1 Long
live competition !
The Kansas Oity
SYMPATHY.
convocation of
male hysteriarchs filled its eyes with
tears whenever a spellbinder depicted
Filipino brownies bowed down by taxa
tion and non-representation or portrayed
the plain people trampled under the
golden heel of plutocracy. But when
Tillman described the democratic dis-
frauchisoment of the negroes in South
Carolina and gloated over the subjuga
tion of the colored voter in most of the
southern states the sympathy valves
were again wide open and howling with
ecstasy.
The struggle between
c. o.
tween McKinley-
ism on one side and Bryanarchy on the
other to get cash with which to educate
the ballot slingers of the United States
so that , in November next , they may
select the least of the two evils presented
for their votes , is fierce and frenzied.
The crowd which can command the most
cash will control the O. O. D. vote of
the republic , and the 0. O. D. vote
determines who shall be president , if
one may believe the orators upon re
spective band-wagons.
An exchange
AN EASY BOSS.
says : "Just us
temporary chairman Thomas was wax
ing eloquent in denouncing organized
wealth , he was interrupted by the ap
pearance of Boodler Clark , of Montana ,
with his magnificent brass band , and
many delegates and spectators , seeing
an 'easy thing , ' united in giving him a
spontaneous and enthusiastic welcome. "
CORPORATIONS.If the Bryan
CORPORATIONS.
archists are really
sincere in demanding that corporations
doing business outside of the state
granting the Charter , be required to ob
tain a federal license , they should see to
it that boss Bryan , a close corporation ,
is properly commissioned to do business
outside of this state.
