Cbc Conservative.
makes a solid , satisfactory and capti
vating publicist.
Tlio only thing that remains , is to
find a person worthy to run for the vice-
presidency with Quay on the ticket for
first place. Up to this moment there is
a good deal of discussion as to whether
the nominee for vice-president ought
to bo Platt or Stove Elkins. Some of
Mr. Quay's more ardent admirers and
eulogists think that Governor Tanner of
Illinois , being the standard brand of
"canned patriotism , " as put up by the
Quay packing houses , and the first man
who telegraphed his congratulations to
Quay upon the lattor's escape from a
sentence to the penitentiary , ought to
be named for vice-president.
These complicated questions now aris
ing in the ranks of the McKinley party
of "benevolent assimilation" through
out the United States are respectfully
Times-Herald of Chicago
referred to The -
cage and other luminous stockholders in
the presidential trust as represented by
the present "iucnmbrauce , " as he is
called by some of his former supporters
in the Western states.
In a recent do-
NO POLITICAL . . _ . . .
IIIGAMY. liverauce Colonel
William Jennings
Bryan declares that political bigamy
cannot be tolerated ; that no man can
be married to the Chicago platform
party until after he is divorced from the
gold standard party.
This is good precept. But the prac
tice of Colonel Bryan is not like his
teachings. In 189G Colonel Bryan was
a political trigamist ; he married the
Chicago nomination , the silver republi
can nomination and the St. Louis pop-
ulistic nomination and expressed an
equal fondness for each. And even now
Colonel Bryan would be a polynominee
and with the effusiveness of a political
Brigham Young swear fidelity and un
dying , fervid affection for each. De
nunciation of the bigamist by a triga
mist is refreshing.
FROM TEXAS. ? * ?
Independent pub
lished at the beautiful and flourishing
city of El Paso in Texas contains in its
issue of April 17 the following Jeffer-
soniau comments :
' 'These new-fangled dollar-a-plate sup
per clubs might take unto themselves
a few texts , as follows :
"Jefferson never favored a dishonest
dollar.
"Jefferson never voted the populist
ticket.
"Jefferson never condemned our judi
ciary system , or expressed contempt for
the supreme court.
"Jefferson had a high regard for the
constitution , the new-fangled democracy
have none.
"Jefferson never advocated centraliza
tion of power in the hands of the gov
ernment. This new-fangled democracy
does.
"Jefferson never endeavored to read a
democratic president , who stood upon
democratic principles , out of the party.
"Jefferson , the father of democracy ,
preached as little government and as
much freedom and liberty as consistent
with the preservation of society.
"Jefferson never charged the poor la
boring people one dollar per lecture to
tell them how you couldn't make 45
cents of silver worth a dollar.
"Jefferson never stumped the govern
ment for free silver from the rear end of
a train furnished him free by the largest
railroad corporations in the world. "
CAN SUCII THINGS HE ?
The Omaha World-Herald , which in
1896 predicted the end of the industrial
and financial world upon the defeat of
sixteen-to-ouo and the free-coinage silver
candidates , is still sobbing with parox
ysms of disappointment. But among
its groans and sighs there may be occa
sionally found a contradiction of its own
prophecies of the vintage of 189G. To
illustrate , that journal of vagaries re
marks , quite recently :
"The Burlington and Union Pacific
are racing for the possession of a rich
territory in northwestern Nebraska.
And northwestern Nebraska is tlirowiug
up her bonnet and howling at the sight ,
wishing success to the winner. "
Can such things bo ?
Shall railroads be permitted to taint
the pure prairies of northwestern Ne
braska with their serpentine trails ?
And can there be citizens of that pop-
ulistic propinquity so lost to common
sense and common decency that they
may be found "throwing up their bon
nets" and , like savages , "howling" at
this sorry spectacle ?
How long are these plutocratic incur
sions of competing and corrupting capi
tal to be endured ?
When will Governor Poynter call out
the militia and protect the plain people
against this picket guard of the advanc
ing army of prosperity ?
How long , how long , oh Lord 1 must
Nebraska submit to these gold standard
outrages ?
Friends of im-
perlaUsm Wm be
pleased t o learn
that Emperor William the First , and the
official flunkey around the Imperial Pal
ace at Washington , are coming to the
front with a proper observance of truly
royal ceremonials. For example , we
point with imperial pride to the dignified
and elaborate way in which the entire
royal household conducts itself on those
painful occasions when it has pleased an
inscrutable Providence to afflict His
Majesty with a toothache. An impres
sive account of what takes place is duly
chronicled in the Court Record , other
wise known as the Cincinnati Commer
cial-Tribune. Its Washington correspondent
pendent , under date of April 26 , informs
an anxious world that , "The President's
teeth have pained him for more than a
year. During the excitement attendant
upon the war with Spain the pain be
came so insistent that the President
finally was compelled to take a day off
and get a dentist to reconstruct the
outer surface and internal economy of
the offending molars , cuspids and bicus
pids. When the dentist has a day at the
Executive Mansion the employees
whisper the news among themselves ,
and business is practically suspended.
An hour or so before the arrival of the
dentist an attendant brings the pain-
producing paraphernalia which are the
necessary accoutrements of his profes
sion. Upon the arrival of the operator
the President is summoned , the machin
ery is placed in position and the Chief
Executive of the greatest Nation on
earth 'goes up against the real thing. ' "
Perhaps some of the oldest residents
of the country can recall a time when
the "Chief Executive of the greatest
Nation on earth" was known to have
the toothache in cheap Jeffersonian sim
plicity , much like other citizens of the
republic. That is , he carried his teeth
with him , with the grossest informality ,
and had them patched or pulled on the
plebeian premises of a dentist aye , sit
ting even in the same chair occupied by
the vulgar rabble. A certain Executive
named Grant had this low , inferior way
of getting his teeth repaired.
All things , of course , have so changed
now under the new imperial conditions
and dignities , that even dental decorum
is observed. So vital are His Majesty's
molars to the peace and safety of his
subjects on two hemispheres that the
dental mountain has to come to Moham
med ; all public business at the Palace
goes into a fearsome trance , while the
official family holds its breath and en
gages in silent prayer. As we are only
in the dawn of Imperial greatness , some
of us may hope to see the day when con
gress adjourns for a week or so out of
compliment to His Majesty's ingrowing
nail.
The masses of solid foam that appear
on the Missouri river are a phenomenon
always commented on by the spectators ;
the stuff gathers to a thickness of six to
eight inches , of about the consistency of
baker's bread. It is formed from the
streaks of scum on the surface of the
water , which again is composed of tiny
bubbles , caused by the waves and whirl
pools of the river. The condensation
into the dense foam in question occurs
in eddies and other places where these
streaks are driven together by the cur
rent , and is purely the effect of pres
sure.
Volume I of The Transactions of the
j Nebraska State Historical Society now
I has a quoted market value of $8.00.