- _ ! l iV' .
'Cbe Conservative * 9
LEGISLATIVE INSANITY.
A San Francisco 'journal remarks un
der the above heading of "Legislative
Insanity : "
"Populist legislator , C. R. Walters of
Lnbette , Kans. , during a recent session
of the Kaunas legislature , introduced the
following resolution :
"Whereas , the men of the present
generation have become scoffers and
doubters , and ,
"Whereas , they have strayed from the
religion of their fathers ; and ,
"Whereas , they no longer live in the
fear of God ; and ,
"Whereas , having no fear of punish
ment beyond the grave , they continually
violate the law given to the world from
Mt. Sinai ; therefore , be it enacted by
the legislature of the state of Kansas ,
that
"Thou shalt have no other gods before
mo ( $1000 fine for violating such. )
"Thou shalt not make unto theo any
graven image , etc. , etc. ( For breaking
the above a $1000 fine is imposed and one
year in the penitentiary. )
"Thou shalt not take the name of the
Lord thy God in vain , etc . , etc. ( For
violating which a $500 fine is imposed. )
"Remember the Sabbath day to keep
it holy , etc. , etc. ( For violating this a
$500 fine is imposed. )
"Honor thy father and thy mother ,
etc. , etc. ( For violating this a $500 fine
is imposed , in addition to six months in
the penitentiary. )
"Thou shalt not kill. ( Death by hang
ing. )
"Thou shalt not commit adultery.
( Imprisonment for life. )
"Thou shalt not steal. ( Fine or im
prisonment at discretion of court. )
"Thou shalt not bear false witness
against thy neighbor. ( Imprisonment
at discretion of court. )
"Thou shalt riot covet , etc. , etc.
( Fine or imprisonment at discretion of
court. )
"In the same year some freak from
the backwoods introduced a bill into the
legislature of the bluegrass region , where
Kentucky belles , bourbon whisky and
blooded horses reign supreme , providing
for the branding of all burglars who had
over been committed to penal institxi-
tions of the state a great big letter 'D'
being branded on both checks , on these
gentlemen of thieving propensities , and
'taking' proclivities. It seems to mo
that the man who manufactured that
bill from out of the depths of an impen
etrable void ( called by him brain ) should
have submitted both his cheeks to be
branded , the one with a letter D and the
other with an F , which D. F. correctly
read signifies the character of the person
wearing the brand. Why ? Because
since skin grafting is as common an op
eration in these days as the pulling of an
aching molar , and no more painful , the
released convict could at a reasonable
expense have the brand cut out and now
skin grafted in its place. Therefore , in
what way would such branding inure
to the benefit of justice ?
"In 1897 there seemed to bo a regular
epidemic of legislative insanity as may
jo seen in the following :
"In Massachusetts a solon wanted to
> ass a law which would make a state
board to tax blacksmiths ; North Dakota
proposed to license barbers ; an Indiana
man wanted to see whiskers taxed ;
Michigan proposed to tax bachelors ;
while Missouri , the land of hogs and
liominy , has tried to push forward a bill
to punish by heavy fine anT widow or
unmarried woman who has refused any
lionorable offer of marriage. It , also
wanted to fine railroad hands for talk
ing to women passengers. Minnesota
wanted a law preventing women sympa
thizers from sending or giving flowers to
criminals : Michigan demanded that bills
of faro should be printed in English
only , and a measure was recently intro
duced , in the Indiana legislature , making
it a misdemeanor to wear squeaking
boots in church ; Oklahoma has tried leg
islation against bloomers ; Kansas against
corsets ; Alabama against shirt-waists ,
and San Francisco against theater hats.
Surely the wheels are whizzing. "
THE NEW LEADER OF MEN IN
BRITAIN.
The personal force which now directs
more of the powerful public opinion in
the homo realm of the venerable and
venerated queen bears the whilom
somewhat odious name of Chamberlain.
The man who has breasted many storms
in his ascent from the plain and un
known man of Birmingham , who , to
gain a footing was compelled to cling to
the parliamentary fortunes of lesser
men , has outlived jibe and sneer from
the organs of both tory and liberal , and
stands today without serious dissent , as
the one man dominant over all other
English statesmen in leading and direct
ing that enlightened and progressive
opinion of middle-class England to
which parliaments , cabinets and even
royalty itself do not hesitate to bow.
Joseph Chamberlain , the man who
made a paradise for workiugmeii in the
Iron City , has reached that high place
in the ranks of statesmanship in the
government of the greatest and most
exacting of nation's which insures him
all the civilized world for audience
whenever he speaks upon any question
that concerns it. It is cause for a sort
of pride on this side of the sea that this
gifted son of "the tight little island"
chose an American girl for his wife , a
daughter of Judge Eudicott , secretary
of war in. the first cabinet of Mr. Cleve
land. Perhaps it may bo to this matrimonial
menial wisdom , on his part that wo are
more or less indebted for the strong and
consistent attitude of friendship which
ho never fails to avow for our country
Mr. Chamberlain is evidently ambi
tious to see the United States share the
Hirdeu , and the doubtful glory , of con
quering barbarians and semi-barbarians ,
primarily for the good , as he maintains ,
of our country , and , secondly , for the
certain good of the people who compose
; hem. This policy is simply destiny for
England , and it would be an injustice
: o deny that , judged by an impartial
study of results , the claim for England's
spread of Christian light and practice
among the semi-civilized nations \mdcr
a generally benign rule is well grounded
in truth. But Mr. Chamberlain forgets ,
or does not choose to heed , the cardinal
fact that England is a monarchy , that
lier rule is imperial , the fiat of force ,
while our country is a free democracy ,
self-governing , and by all its teachings
and traditions a mind-your-o\vn-busi-
ness country "entangling alliances
with none. "
WEALTH OF IMMIGRANTS.
If wo were to gauge the worth of
newly arrived immigrants by the
amount of money they bring with them
those who come from Germany would
take first rank , England would hold
second place and Italy the last.
The average German who comes to
this country brings $52.96 with him.
When the average Englishman comes
he brings $1.40 less , or $51.56. The next
wealthiest average immigrant is the
Frenchman , who comes with $47.28 in
his pocket. The Belgian is fourth in
the list with $45.60.
The Italian , who is the poorest of all ,
brings $9.98 , but it is safe to say that he
returns to his native land the wealthiest
of all who go back if his propensity for
saving is a thing to judge by.
The Turk who comes to America
brings $85.50 with him and stands well
toward the top of the list. The average
Irishman comes over to stay , with a
capital of $15.26 , while the Russian , ac
cording to the annual report of the com
missioner-general of immigration , brings
$12.10. N. Y. Journal.
Wo want them all. It is only a ques
tion of time before there will be some
satisfactory solution of the arid laud of
the West , and as soon as the surplus
water which now annually goes to the
sea without having done its work , is
stored in reservoirs and intelligently
applied to the one hundred millions of
acres of arid lands , there will be room
for immigrants from every clime ; and
if they are willing to work , the amount
of cash they bring in , per capita , is a
small factor , provided they bring intelli
gence , good health and honesty.
"Tell me honestly , " said the novel
reader to the novel writer , "did you
ever see a woman who stood and tapped
the floor impatiently with her too for -J
several moments as you describe ? "
"Yes , " was the thoughtful reply ; "I did
" "Who she ? " "She
once. was was a
clog dancer. " Tit-Bits.