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VOL. i. NEBRASKA CITY , NEB. , THURSDAY , NOVEMBER 24 , 1898. NO. 20.
PUUM8IIK1) WEEKLY.
OFFICES : OVERLAND THEATRE BLOCK.
, T. STERLING MO 1TON , EDITOH.
A .TOUllNAL 11EVOTED TO THE DISCUSSION
OF 1'OMTICATj , ECONOMIC AND SOCIOLOGICAL
QUESTIONS.
CIRCULATION THIS WEEK 5,210 COPIES.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.
One dollar and a half per year , in advance ,
postpaid , to any part of the United States or
Canada. Remittances made payable to The
Morton Printing Company.
Address , THE CONSERVATIVE , Nebraska
City , Neb.
Advertising Rates made known upon appli
cation.
Entered at the postolllco at Nebraska City ,
Neb. , as Second Class matter , July 29th , 1808.
NOT A HABIT. , ? ' * I
church is closed
and some other house of worship is open ,
one may attend the latter and listen to
its doctrines as expounded by the stated
pnrsou , without the necessity of his
joining the church holding service on
that particular day and without renun
ciation and denunciation of dogmns held
by the church which has been closed.
When there is no political ticket in the
field which represents a man's views on
the money and other questions , the proper
solution of which is vital to the welfare
of the country , ho must , as a good citi
zen , choose between the least of the two
evils which confront him. The gold
democrats , among whom the editor of
THE CONSERVATIVE is quite justly
counted , took this view of affairs dur
ing the late campaign in this state , and
consequently , as a rule , voted the repub
lican ticket. This ticket to be sure was ,
in many respects , a very bitter bolus ;
but , when sugar-coated with loyalty to
coxintry and love of home , was contor-
tively gulped down without dangerous
chokings and with comparatively little
nausea as an immediate result.
But it may as well bo understood now
as at some time later on that the taking
of this sort of political blue moss , parti
san asafetida and civic quinine has not
become and will never become a habit
with any of the aforesaid gold demo
crats who under duress swallowed it
this year. Sick people take medicine ,
but when they get well do not continue
it as food and they never habitually eat
it. A diet of asafetida or a beverage
of castor oil has never become a neces
sity to anybody up to date and the gold
democrats will not institute Buch a menu ,
From the Nor-
f ° lk ( Virgin )
_ _ . . . .
Herald appears the
IJEGIN ?
following adver
tisement , by a person , who pretends to
be really interested in the decision of the
question , and who therefore merits my
attention.
PRINCESS ANNE , December 18,1708.
Messrs. WILLETT & O'CONNOR
Sirs. I am a poor widow woman ,
whose great uncle by her father's son
died lately , and by his will he has loft
me a legacy of 100 , to bo paid mo in
the 19th century ; that is , he says , "Item ,
I give to my niece , Deborah Violet
100 , to be paid to her in the 19th cen
tury. " Now , sirs , as I am a poor wo
man , and I am told you have a great
many law gentlemen in Norfolk , you
will render a great service if you will
get their opinion when , and at what
time , I have really a right to demand
the same. In so doing you will oblige ,
Yours at command ,
DEBORAH VIOLET.
P. PORCUPINE TO MRS. VIOLET.
DEAR MADAM : Having a singular
affection for widows of the Violet race
( especially those who ore in full bloom )
and observing you in some little distress
for advice , you will not be surprised ,
that , without further ceremony , I pro
ceed to offer you the best , which it is in
my power to bestow.
And , first , my sweet Violet , I think
you have applied to the wrong source ;
for one principal part of a lawyer's pro
fessional skill consists in knowing how
to procure delay ; and , I assure you , that
all the gentlemen of the bench and the
bar , whose opinions I have heard on the
subject , have decided the point against
you. I resided , some time ago , near a
small village , which was honored by
being the summer's retreat of a lawyer
and a judge. The former of these
might not , indeed , have been much accus
tomed to the Christian calendar ; but bo
that as it may , they both said ( and I be
lieve they swore ) that the eighteenth
century should not end 'till 1801. Pre
posterous as this assertion certainly is ,
you may bo assured that they were prepared -
pared to maintain it , even against one
who should have risen from the dead to
convince them of the contrary.
You may look upon it as a settled
point , that whoever has got your 100
will keep it as long as they can. You
will find it difficult , oven twenty years
hence , to persuade them that the 19th
century is arrived. Sued they therefore
must be for the money , and , according
to an established maxim in the law , the
sooner you begin , the sooner you will
: iavo done.
I would advise you to plead your own
cause ; no eloquence is so convincing as
thnt which flows from female lips.
Your adversary , conscious of the bad
ness of his cause , will have plenty of
lawyers to oppose you. They will in
sist that the 18th century cannot bo
ended 'till the year 1800 is ended ; they will
tell you that this is the 1798th , and not
the 1799th year , and so forth , and so forth ,
to the end of the chapter. In return to
all which , you will say , "pray , what
century are wo now in ? " They will
answer , the " 18th to bo sure. " You
will then ask them , how it happens that
we have continued to date 17 hundred
during all the eighteenth century ? If
there should bo a man of sense amongst
them , he will laugh in his sleeve ; but
you will see the young babblers stare
like so many stuck pigs. Before they
have had time to recover , you must fol
low up your blow , and put to them the
following questions :
"When did wo begin to date 17 hun
dred , at the beginning or the end of the
seventeenth century ? "
They will immediately answer : "At
the end of the seventeenth century. "
"Well then , " say you , "did we not
also begin to date 1798 at the end of the
1798th year ? If we began ( as you say
we did ) to date 1798 at the beginning of
the 1798th year , why did wo not begin to
date 18 hundred at the beginning of the
18th century ? "
At this they will stand as mute as
fishes. You will get no answer from
them. They will , however , find their
tongues after a time , and then they'll
go on again with their saids and soforths
and again insist that 1800 years must ex
pire before 1800 years are expired ; and
that ninety-nine cannot make a hun
dred , and consequently , and of course ,
1799 cannot make 1800 , and hence and
from thence they will draw a conclusion
as clear as daylight that , to attain 1800
years we must arrive at 1800. With
about nine-tenths of the jury the force
of this reasoning will be irresistible ; but ,
if there be amongst them any man of a
sound understanding and a clear con
science , ho will remain looked up 'till he
has gnawed off his hands , before he
will give a verdict against you.
With the best wishes for the success
of your cause , I remain , my dear Violet ,
Your most obedient and most humble
servant , P. PORCUPINE ,
