the 13
AN ADVENTURE.
Edw'd coined to piny wiv mo
Yes'day , an injinnininn she
Snid sho'll hnvo to go up stweot ,
But sho'll bwing ino suinpin t'cat ;
An if we'll lo good wo may
Have n party while she's 'way.
Non vcr wasn't hut us two ,
'N I told Edw'd what we'll do ,
An wo got my doll-cups out ,
An vo teapot wiv vo spout ,
An some cwackers , to be cake ;
Nen Edw'd said wo'll have to make
Coffee , so wo got ourself
Vo castowia off vo shelf.
'N Edw'd dwinkcd it in his cup ,
'N I dwinked , 'n wo dwinkcd it up.
Nen Edw'd went home pretty soon ,
'N ho can't come over 'is forenoon.
'N I can't go ever too , cause I
Aint very well today , 'at's why.
THE HOUSE THAT JACK IJUTJ/T.
Tlio following is probably the finest
grandiloquent paraphrase in existence.
Observe how the author avoids tau
tology always reiterating the same
idea but never repeating the same lan
guage. Even the simple name of John
is expressed in English , French , Ger
man and Russian , while the poor cow ,
dog , cat , rat , are rolled over and ever
through the complicated verbosity. The
whole picture is the work of scholarship
and patient genius. It was written by
"Anon , " that modest but immortal
author who has written some of the
best things in every language.
Behold the mansion reared by daedal .Tack.
See the malt stored in many a plethoric sack
In the proud cirque of Ivan's bivouac.
Marie how the rat's felonious fangs invade
The golden stores in John's pavilion laid.
Anon , with velvet foot and Tarquin strides ,
Subtle Grimalkin to his quarry glides
Grimalkin grim , that slow the fierce rodent
"Whoso tooth insidious .Tohann's sackcloth
rent.
Lo ! Now the deep-mouthed canine foo's as
sault
That vexed the avenger of the stolen malt
Stored in the hallowed precincts of the hall
That rose complete at .Tack's creative call.
Hero stalks the impetuous cow with crumpled
horn ,
Whereon the exacerbating hound was torn ,
"Which bayed the feline slaughter-beast that
slow
The rat prcdacoous whoso keen fangs ran
through
The textile fibers that involved the grain
That lay in Han's inviolate domain.
Hero walks forlorn the damsel crowned with
rue ,
Lactiferous spoils from vaccine dugs who
drew
Of that corniculate beast whose tortuous
horn
Tossed to the clouds in fierce , vindictive
scorn
The harrowing hound whoso braggart bark
and stir
Arched the lithe spine and reared the indig
nant fur
Of puss , that with vorminicidal claw
Struck the weird rat in whoso insatiate maw
Lay reeking malt that erst in Ivan's courts
wo saw.
Robed in senescent garb that scorned , in
sooth ,
Too long a prey to Chronos' iron tooth ,
Behold the man whoso amorous lips incline
Full with young Eros' osoulativo sign ,
To the lorn maiden whose lact-albic hands
Drew albu-lactic wealth from lacteal glands
Of the immortal bovine , by whoso horn
Distort , to realms ethereal was borne
The beast catulcan , vexer of that sly
Ulysses quadrupedal which made die
The old mordacious rat that dared devour
Anteccdaneous ale in John's domestic
bower.
Lo ! Hero with hirsute honors doffed , suc
cinct
Of saponaceous locks , the priest who linked
In Hymen's golden bands the torn unthrift
Whoso means exiguous stared through many
a rift
Even as ho lusscd the maiden all forlorn
Who milked the cow with implicated horn
Which in fine wrath the canine torturer skied
That dared to vex the insidious muricido
Which let the am oral effluence tluough the
pelt
Of the sly rat that robbed the palace Jack
had built.
The loud cantankerous shanghai comes at
last
Whoso shouts aroused the shorn ccclesinst
Who sealed the vows of Hymen's sacrament
To him who , robed in garments indigent ,
Exosculates the damsel lachrymose
Th' emulator of that horned brute morose
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
that killed
The rat that ate the malt that lay in the
house that Jack built.
A THANKSGIVING HYMN.
The following from a short poem
called The Return of the Heroes is
good enough to be read in every church
in the "West on , the peculiarly American
festival of Thanksgiving Day. It is as
old as the Civil "War ; but how many
have ever heard of it ? It is easy to
guess who wrote it.
"Fecund America today ,
Thou art all ever set in births and joys !
Thou groanst with riches , thy wealth
clothes thco as a swathing garment ,
Thou laughest loud with ache of great pos
sessions ,
A myriad-twining life like interlacing vines
binds all thy vast domain.
As some hugo ship freighted to water's edge
thou ridest into port ,
As rain falls from the heavens and vapors
rise from the earth , so have the
precious values fallen upon thco and
risen out of thee ;
Thou envy of the globe ! Thou miracle !
Thou , bathed , choked , swimming in plenty
Thou lucky mistress of the tranquil barns
Thou Praitio Dame that sittest in the middle
and lookest out upon thy world , anc
lookest East and lookest West ,
Dispensatress , that by a word givest a thous
and miles , a million farms , and mis&es
nothing ,
Thou all-accoptress thou hospitable thou
only art hospitable as God is hospit
able. "
Mr. Tesla of New York is now able
to sit by his fireside and blow up hostile
war-ships one by one , at any distance by
turning a switch. His "imaginatioi
fairly reels" as ho thinks of the fun lie
could have but ho is modest ; he only
hopes to be remembered as the man who
made war impossible.
"Why is it that so many men can in
vent things to annihilate battle-ships
but notody can find how to make th
Missouri river run the churns and sew
ing machines of Nebraska City ?
NEWSPAPER WAII-'S.
Jack "I'm in an awful dilemma. "
Dick ' 'Engaged to two girlsI suppose. "
Jack "No ; to one. " Harlem Life.
Mrs. Nowcd " "Was I nervous , dear ,
luring the ceremony ? " Her friend
"Well , a trifle at first , darling , but not
after William had said 'yes. ' " Tit-
Bits.
Bits.He
He "Ho that courts and runs away ,
will live to court another day. " She
'But he ( hat courts and does not wed ,
may find himself in court instead. "
Tit-Bits.
"What is the brink of war , pa ? "
"Tho brink of war ? Well , it is the feel
ing which seems to exist all the time be
tween Bridget and your mother. " De
troit Free Press.
A matter of business. Pater "Do
3ou think you can support a wife ? " Ho
"With ( ho help of Providence I hope
to. " Pater "Providence has no rating
in Bradstreet's. " Life.
"And these places where you vote , "
said the gentleman from Europe , "you
call them the polls. " "Yes , " answered
the North Carolina citizen , "we call 'em
that. But the warmth around here
makes 'em seem a good deal more like
equators. Washington Star.
Mrs. Green "I hear that Sarah Jun-
son is going to get a divorce from her
husband. " Mrs. Brown "Yes ; and I
don't blame her one mite. He's a mon
ster. Would you believe it , he actually
used one of her golf sticks for a poker
the other morning ? " Boston Transcript.
Trouble in the camp. "There seemed
to bo a rather acrimonious discussion
going on as I wont by headquarters. "
"Yes , " said the Salvation Army captain
sadly. "Brother Jones , who beats the
drum , happened to sny to Brother Smith ,
who does most of the preaching , that
actions spoke louder than words. "
Indianapolis Journal.
NOTICE IN BANKRUPTCY.
In the District Court of the United States for
the District of Nebraska.
In the matter of Wilbur Thorn- )
as Hathaway , Bankrupt. In >
Bankruptcy. )
To the creditors of Wilbur Thomnx Ilalhuway ,
a llankrnpl :
You are hereby notified that on the llth day
of November , A. D. 1808 , Wilbur Thomas Hath
away , of Nebraska City , Nebraska , was ad
judged a bankrupt upon his own petition , pur
suant to the Act of Congress , approved July
1st , 1808 , entitled "An Act to Establish a Uni
form System of Bankruptcy Throughout the
United States , " and that a meeeting of the
creditors of said bankrupt to prove their debts ,
and to transact such other business as may bo
lawfully transacted , will bo hold at the olnco
of the Referee in Bankruptcy , room 2 , No. 81l !
Central avenue , Nebraska City , Nebraska , at
JJ o'clock p. in. , Friday , November 25th , A. D. ,
1898. FRANK : P. IIII AND ,
Referee in Bankruptcy.
It is ordered that THK CONSKUVATIVK , a
newspaper published at Nebraska City , Ne
braska , is hereby designated as the newspaper
in which notices required to bo published in
this proceeding shall bo inserted.
W. H. MUNQER ,
United States District Judge ,
District of Nebraska.
Dated November llth , 1898.