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About The Conservative (Nebraska City, Neb.) 1898-1902 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 17, 1898)
the 13 AN ADVENTURE. Edw'd coined to piny wiv mo Yes'day , an injinnininn she Snid sho'll hnvo to go up stweot , But sho'll bwing ino suinpin t'cat ; An if we'll lo good wo may Have n party while she's 'way. Non vcr wasn't hut us two , 'N I told Edw'd what we'll do , An wo got my doll-cups out , An vo teapot wiv vo spout , An some cwackers , to be cake ; Nen Edw'd said wo'll have to make Coffee , so wo got ourself Vo castowia off vo shelf. 'N Edw'd dwinkcd it in his cup , 'N I dwinked , 'n wo dwinkcd it up. Nen Edw'd went home pretty soon , 'N ho can't come over 'is forenoon. 'N I can't go ever too , cause I Aint very well today , 'at's why. THE HOUSE THAT JACK IJUTJ/T. Tlio following is probably the finest grandiloquent paraphrase in existence. Observe how the author avoids tau tology always reiterating the same idea but never repeating the same lan guage. Even the simple name of John is expressed in English , French , Ger man and Russian , while the poor cow , dog , cat , rat , are rolled over and ever through the complicated verbosity. The whole picture is the work of scholarship and patient genius. It was written by "Anon , " that modest but immortal author who has written some of the best things in every language. Behold the mansion reared by daedal .Tack. See the malt stored in many a plethoric sack In the proud cirque of Ivan's bivouac. Marie how the rat's felonious fangs invade The golden stores in John's pavilion laid. Anon , with velvet foot and Tarquin strides , Subtle Grimalkin to his quarry glides Grimalkin grim , that slow the fierce rodent "Whoso tooth insidious .Tohann's sackcloth rent. Lo ! Now the deep-mouthed canine foo's as sault That vexed the avenger of the stolen malt Stored in the hallowed precincts of the hall That rose complete at .Tack's creative call. Hero stalks the impetuous cow with crumpled horn , Whereon the exacerbating hound was torn , "Which bayed the feline slaughter-beast that slow The rat prcdacoous whoso keen fangs ran through The textile fibers that involved the grain That lay in Han's inviolate domain. Hero walks forlorn the damsel crowned with rue , Lactiferous spoils from vaccine dugs who drew Of that corniculate beast whose tortuous horn Tossed to the clouds in fierce , vindictive scorn The harrowing hound whoso braggart bark and stir Arched the lithe spine and reared the indig nant fur Of puss , that with vorminicidal claw Struck the weird rat in whoso insatiate maw Lay reeking malt that erst in Ivan's courts wo saw. Robed in senescent garb that scorned , in sooth , Too long a prey to Chronos' iron tooth , Behold the man whoso amorous lips incline Full with young Eros' osoulativo sign , To the lorn maiden whose lact-albic hands Drew albu-lactic wealth from lacteal glands Of the immortal bovine , by whoso horn Distort , to realms ethereal was borne The beast catulcan , vexer of that sly Ulysses quadrupedal which made die The old mordacious rat that dared devour Anteccdaneous ale in John's domestic bower. Lo ! Hero with hirsute honors doffed , suc cinct Of saponaceous locks , the priest who linked In Hymen's golden bands the torn unthrift Whoso means exiguous stared through many a rift Even as ho lusscd the maiden all forlorn Who milked the cow with implicated horn Which in fine wrath the canine torturer skied That dared to vex the insidious muricido Which let the am oral effluence tluough the pelt Of the sly rat that robbed the palace Jack had built. The loud cantankerous shanghai comes at last Whoso shouts aroused the shorn ccclesinst Who sealed the vows of Hymen's sacrament To him who , robed in garments indigent , Exosculates the damsel lachrymose Th' emulator of that horned brute morose That tossed the dog that worried the cat that killed The rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built. A THANKSGIVING HYMN. The following from a short poem called The Return of the Heroes is good enough to be read in every church in the "West on , the peculiarly American festival of Thanksgiving Day. It is as old as the Civil "War ; but how many have ever heard of it ? It is easy to guess who wrote it. "Fecund America today , Thou art all ever set in births and joys ! Thou groanst with riches , thy wealth clothes thco as a swathing garment , Thou laughest loud with ache of great pos sessions , A myriad-twining life like interlacing vines binds all thy vast domain. As some hugo ship freighted to water's edge thou ridest into port , As rain falls from the heavens and vapors rise from the earth , so have the precious values fallen upon thco and risen out of thee ; Thou envy of the globe ! Thou miracle ! Thou , bathed , choked , swimming in plenty Thou lucky mistress of the tranquil barns Thou Praitio Dame that sittest in the middle and lookest out upon thy world , anc lookest East and lookest West , Dispensatress , that by a word givest a thous and miles , a million farms , and mis&es nothing , Thou all-accoptress thou hospitable thou only art hospitable as God is hospit able. " Mr. Tesla of New York is now able to sit by his fireside and blow up hostile war-ships one by one , at any distance by turning a switch. His "imaginatioi fairly reels" as ho thinks of the fun lie could have but ho is modest ; he only hopes to be remembered as the man who made war impossible. "Why is it that so many men can in vent things to annihilate battle-ships but notody can find how to make th Missouri river run the churns and sew ing machines of Nebraska City ? NEWSPAPER WAII-'S. Jack "I'm in an awful dilemma. " Dick ' 'Engaged to two girlsI suppose. " Jack "No ; to one. " Harlem Life. Mrs. Nowcd " "Was I nervous , dear , luring the ceremony ? " Her friend "Well , a trifle at first , darling , but not after William had said 'yes. ' " Tit- Bits. Bits.He He "Ho that courts and runs away , will live to court another day. " She 'But he ( hat courts and does not wed , may find himself in court instead. " Tit-Bits. "What is the brink of war , pa ? " "Tho brink of war ? Well , it is the feel ing which seems to exist all the time be tween Bridget and your mother. " De troit Free Press. A matter of business. Pater "Do 3ou think you can support a wife ? " Ho "With ( ho help of Providence I hope to. " Pater "Providence has no rating in Bradstreet's. " Life. "And these places where you vote , " said the gentleman from Europe , "you call them the polls. " "Yes , " answered the North Carolina citizen , "we call 'em that. But the warmth around here makes 'em seem a good deal more like equators. Washington Star. Mrs. Green "I hear that Sarah Jun- son is going to get a divorce from her husband. " Mrs. Brown "Yes ; and I don't blame her one mite. He's a mon ster. Would you believe it , he actually used one of her golf sticks for a poker the other morning ? " Boston Transcript. Trouble in the camp. "There seemed to bo a rather acrimonious discussion going on as I wont by headquarters. " "Yes , " said the Salvation Army captain sadly. "Brother Jones , who beats the drum , happened to sny to Brother Smith , who does most of the preaching , that actions spoke louder than words. " Indianapolis Journal. NOTICE IN BANKRUPTCY. In the District Court of the United States for the District of Nebraska. In the matter of Wilbur Thorn- ) as Hathaway , Bankrupt. In > Bankruptcy. ) To the creditors of Wilbur Thomnx Ilalhuway , a llankrnpl : You are hereby notified that on the llth day of November , A. D. 1808 , Wilbur Thomas Hath away , of Nebraska City , Nebraska , was ad judged a bankrupt upon his own petition , pur suant to the Act of Congress , approved July 1st , 1808 , entitled "An Act to Establish a Uni form System of Bankruptcy Throughout the United States , " and that a meeeting of the creditors of said bankrupt to prove their debts , and to transact such other business as may bo lawfully transacted , will bo hold at the olnco of the Referee in Bankruptcy , room 2 , No. 81l ! Central avenue , Nebraska City , Nebraska , at JJ o'clock p. in. , Friday , November 25th , A. D. , 1898. FRANK : P. IIII AND , Referee in Bankruptcy. It is ordered that THK CONSKUVATIVK , a newspaper published at Nebraska City , Ne braska , is hereby designated as the newspaper in which notices required to bo published in this proceeding shall bo inserted. W. H. MUNQER , United States District Judge , District of Nebraska. Dated November llth , 1898.
