Card of Thanks.
We wish to thank the many friends
and neighbors for their sympathy and
acts of kindness shown in the last sick
ness and death of onr father.
Children of Louis Philupps, sr.
Route No. 4.
Miss Grace Dodds returned from Lin
coln Taesday.
Frank Htlmer has put in a Monroe
Independent telephone.
Several farmers on the route had com
menced cutting their alfalfa before the
rain.
Otto Bolt returned from Denver this
week and will remain here a short time
before leaving for Oatskill, N. Y., where
be will spend the summer.
During the thunder storm of last week
lightning strnck the wire fence at Alois
Miksh'e place, splintering nineteen posts
Fortunately their catlle were not in the
yard at the time, so that uone of them
were killed.
Advertised Letters.
Following is a hut of unclaimed mail
matter remaining in the post office ut
Columbus, Nebraska, for the period end
ing Jane 15, lOlo:
Letters H E Anderson, Frank lirud
ney. Urenneman Baking Co, W W Gas
per, T W Chapman, J M Dowler. Miss
Margaret Frerichs, Misb Sevite Hfloiak.
Cards W L Andrews, C 1J Claytou,
Mies Mae Davis, Miss Nettie Gregorsnn,
Carl R Goucher, Miss Ura rJagcrman,
John Macmillcn, F C Turman.
Parties calling for any of the above
will please eay advertised.
Cari. Kramer, P. M.
MISS WISE SERVANT.
She Was Too Well Posted to Suit the
New York Woman.
Some girls may be green and easily
Imposed upon," said the woman, "but
just as many more can give their em
ployers points on law. The girl that
came to my house the other day from
au employment agency knew more in
a minute about the rights of employer
aud employed than I would know in a
year. About the first thing she did
was to look out at that big hole In
the ground at the other end of the
lot, where they are preparing to build.
She said:
" 'If I should break any dishes while
that building is going up you couldn't
make me pay for them.'
"I asked why not, and she Informed
me that u girl working in a building
that Is likely to be shaken by blasting
Is protected by the same rule that gov
erns employees lu a dining car. Owing
to the insecurity they are allowed $20
a month for breakage. Dishes valued
nt less than 20 may be smashed with
impunity. She gave me a printed ac
count of the trouble of two friends
who had thrashed that matter out in
court and had been sustained In their
contention for a twenty dollar leeway.
1 didn't employ that girl. I don't want
to impose upon any girl, but I didn't
want to hire one who knows that she
can smash my best dishes up to $20
worth and get off withoutpaying dam
ages." New York Press.
ANCIENT BRIDGES.
Some Built Before the Christian Era
Still Standing In China.
Suspension bridges which were built
lu the time of the Han dynasty (202
B. a to 220 A. D. are still standing,
striking examples of oriental engineer
ing skill. According to historical aud
geographical writers of China, it was
Suniig Lieug, Kaeu Tsu's chief of com
mand, who undertook to construct the
first public roads lu the Flowery em
pire. At that time It was almost Impos
sible for the province of Shense to
communicate with the capital. Lieng
took au army of 10,000 workmen aud
cut great gorges through the moun
tains, fllliug up the canyons and val
leys with the debris from his excava
tions. At places where deep gorges
were traversed by large and rapidly
flowing streams he actually carried
out his plan of throwing suspension
bridges, stretching from one slope to
the other.
These crossings, appropriately styled
"dying bridges" by early Chinese writ
ers, are high and dangerous looking in
the extreme. At the present day a
bridge may still be seen in the Shense
which is 400 feet long and is stretched
over a chasm more than 1,000 feet
deep. How those early engineers
erected such a structure with the tools
and appliances at their command is a
mystery which will probably never be
explained.
An Obstructionist.
"Speakln' 'bout large feet," said Mr.
Erastus Pinkley. "I don't know when
I was mo' Insulted dan I was dls aft
ernoon. 1 was standin' on de curb
stone facln' de house, an de police
man, he come along an' says I's got to
turn around jes' a little."
"What foh?"
"He says pointln my shoes de same
way de street runs is de onlies' way
foh me to keep fum obstructin' de
sidewalk." Washington Star.
His Alternative.
Even at the tender age of four little
Benny was considering his future oc
cupation. "Mamma." he said, "when
' I'm a man I'm going to have a wagon
vnd drive around collecting ashes."
? "Why. Benny." exclaimed his mother
In horror, "mamma doesn't want her
little boy to be an ash man."
"Well, then." replied Benny with a
- very self sacriticing nir, "I suppose 1
could collect swill." Delineator.
An Anomaly.
The average young woman doesn't
like to see her thirtieth birthday. Yet
when she has seen It she would like
to see it again Smart Set.
The Pets.
WIfey (at the hotel office) The clerk
says they don't take pets, Algy, so-1
suppose Fldo and you will have to put
up In the basement Life.
So Feminine.
Lottie I wouldn't be In Klttle'a
hoes for anything in the world. Hat
tie Of course-not. They hurt you ter
ribly. Harper's Bazar.
OUR FIRST MINT.
Com of Its Curious Old RuIm and
Regulations.
The first United States mint at Phil
adelphia was naturally a very unpre
tentious affair. The material for coin
age was secured from abroad. There
was found much difficulty to get any
one of experience to operate the coin
age, aud the salary list of the first
mint employees was: David Rlttec
house, director, $2,000 per annum;
Tristram Dalton, treasurer, $1,200;
Henry Voight, coiner. $1,500; Isaac
Hugh, clerk, $312.
The regular coinage of copper began
in 1703. silver in 1794 and gold lu 1793.
The following curious extracts are
taken from the mint rules and regula
tions of the early days:
"The allowance under the name of
drink money Is hereafter to be discon
tinued. "The operations of the mint through
out the year are to commence at 5
o'clock In the morning.
"Christmas day and the Fourth of
July and no other days are estab
lished holidays at the mint
"He (watchman) will keep In a prop
er arm chest, securely locked, a mus
ket and bayonet two pistols and a
sword.
"The watchman must attend from C
o'clock in the evening to 5 o'clock In
the morning, must ring the yard bell
every hour and send the watchdog
through the yard immediately after
ringing the bell."
Besides the Philadelphia mint, which
Is now established In palatial quarters
at Seventeenth and Spring Garden
streets, there are mints at San Fran
cisco, Denver and New Orleans and an
assay office at Carson City.
OLD LONDON BRIDGE.
It Linked the Twelfth Century With
the Eighteenth.
For centuries old London bridge,
with Its double row of houses, was the
home of generations who lived and
traded over the Thames waters.
Holbein lived and painted there. Os
borne, the prentice lad, leaped through
a window iu the house of his master.
Sir William Ilewet. to the rescue of
Sir William's daughter, who had fallen
Into the swollen flood of the river be
low, and by winning her for his wife
laid the foundation of the ducal house
of Leeds. Crispin Tucker had his shop
on the bridge, to which Pope and
Swift and many another author of
fame made pilgrimages to purchase
books and gossip with the waggish
shopkeeper. Crocker's Dictionary was
printed "at the Looking Glass on Lon
don bridge." and gigantic corn mills
dominated the south end of the struc
ture, not many yards from the wonder
ful Nonsuch House, a huge wooden
pile with turrets and cupolas brought
from Holland.
Sucli in brief outline was the London
bridge which linked the twelfth with
the eighteenth century aud which
when It was on Its last tottering legs
was removed to give place to its flue
successor of our day. the stone in
which Is said to be "nearly double
that employed In building St Paul's
cathedral." Montreal Standard.
His Danger.
Id these days of almost preeminent
German music and musicians It Is
rather amusing to read the opinions of
former generations concerning Teu
tonic singers.
Frederick the Great was so Impo
litely unpatriotic us to declare that he
would rather hear the neighing of a
horse than the singing of a German
prima donna. Perhaps iu his day there
was some excuse for such a remark,
but the times have changed.
There is a diverting auecdote of an
Italian who was convinced that no
German could slug. A friend Induced
him to go to the opera where Heu
riette Sontag sang. After hearing her
first aria the Italian got up to go. The
friend urged him to stay, assuring him
that he would be convluced soon.
"I know it." repied the Italian, "and
that's why I go."
Doves and Coronations.
At the ancient ceremonies of coro
nation of the French kings after the
anointing had been performed some
white doves were let loose in the
church. This was supposed to symbol
ize the power of the Holy Ghost In di
recting the king's actions. A similar
Idea seems to have iuspired all early
kings, for among the English regalia is
the rod of equity or the scepter with
the dove. This is simply a golden rod
with a mound at the top. which sup
ports a cross. On this cross is a dove.
Tushl&ned of white enamel, with ex
panded wings. Some due diamonds or
nament the rod iu various places.
Gender of Garlic
"Why Is garlic masculine gender?"
asked the man who markets. "It must
be masculine because the greengrocers
I buy from call It 'he. They are most
ly Italians aud ought to know the sex
of garlic If anybody does. Of all the
vegetables and aromatic herbs I buy
garlic is the only one to which mas
culine virtues are ascribed. Every
thing else is neuter. To call garlic 'it
would be an insult The garlic, be Is
fresh, he is Que. be Is cheap, he is
dear. Funny. Isn't It?" New York
Times.
He Had Quit
"Yon say you have quit smoking?"
"Yep; never going to smoke again."
"Then why don't you throw away
those cigars?"
"Never! I threw away a box of good
cigars the last time I quit smoking,
and It taught me a lesson." Houston
Post
Not what you do. but how you do It
Is the test of your capacity. Studley.
Ruse That Worked.
Roundsman-How did you keep all
of those girls from rushiug out or the
moving picture show when the lights
went out? Policemau-lt was dead
easy. When they started to rush 1
said: "That's right: Old ladies first!"
And the way they held back was a
caution. Chicago News.
The Feminine Instinct
"What on earth made your mother
orlng home that bundle of feathers?'
"I'm sure I don't know. dad. unless
It was because she saw It marked
down.' "Baltimore American.
SAW THE BRIGHT SIDE.
He Mad the Most of an Unpleasant
Situation.
A group of men were discussing
human nature and the difficulty of
looking always on the bright and glit
tering side of things when the dingy,
dark brown side Is uppermost and
seems destined to remain uppermost
"It's a great thing to cultivate a
disposition to make the most of things
In this life." remarked a man who used
to drive trotting horses for a living.
"The most striking illustration I ever
bad of that was in a big horse race at
a county fair down the state about ten
years ago. The man driving along
side of me let his horse swerve on tbo
back stretch, and my sulky was upset
That caused a general mlxup. and a
colored driver right behind me got un
loaded and his sulky broken to pieces.
Well. I lay there for a minute, and
then, as 1 didn't seem to be much hurt
I started to get up.
"ney, boss, don yo go glttin up!
yelled the colored driver at me excit
edly. "VhyV 1 asked him, some puzzled.
"'Cause.' be answered, yo' all lay
right wha yo' is. and in a minute
they'll sen' roun byah and haul us
back pas' the gran' stan' In a caih
hiuge.' "Sure enough, they did, and when
we drove up that home stretch In the
opeu hack they sent for us that col
ored man was the happiest person I
ever saw. Now, that's what 1 call
making the most of things." Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
COURTSHIPJN PORTUGAL
The Way the Young People Begin
Their Lovemaking.
The most Important event In the life
of a Portuguese woman Is marriage.
Nest iu importance are the early days
of courtship, for a Portuguese court
ship Is the essence of romance, and
the ways of the Portuguese lover are
singularly picturesque. Here Is a lit
tle drama In which Cupid is stage di
rector If a young Portuguese sees In
the street a pretty girl with whom he
would like to become acquainted be
follows her. Chaperons are not Im
possible obstructions. He follows her
right up to her very door aud notes
the address Next day be comes again,
and if the young lady approves of him
for she certainly saw him the day
before -she Is on the lookout
Sometimes hard fate lu the guise of
an angry parent preveuts her. aud
then the gallant youth is kept waiting.
Sooner or later she leans over the bal
cony aud smiles at him. The happy
youth ties a note to a cord which the
fair lady drops from the balcony. The
next day the young tnau comes again.
This time he rlugs ut the door. If the
Inquiries which the young lady's elders
have made prove satisfactory the
swain Is admitted to make the ac
quaintance of the young lady. After
that courtship In Portugal Is about
the same as it is iu Kankakee or Kala
mazoo. Leslie's Weekly.
Not a Laughing Matter.
Cut off from family aud home by a
relentless tide, fat Mr. Bodger had
been forced to clamber till he gained
a pathway cut In the cliff's face. It
was a narrow path, and Mr. Bodger
was no narrow man. Getting more
frightened every moment be proceed
ed warily along the fast diminishing
way till at last it faded suddenly Into
what the poets would call "sweet noth
ingness." Already be was overlap
ping, aud It was impossible to turn.
An excited crowd watched bis prog
ress from above.
"What on earth am 1 to do?" gasped
Bodger desperately on bis four inch
ledge as be gripiied a tuft of seaweed
with one hand.
"Do. guv'uor?" came back a voice.
"Do anyfink you like, but for good
ness sake don't larf or your weskit '11
bump yer off as sure as eggs is eggsP
Loudou Answers.
Birds and Insect Life.
Men of science are generally agreed
that birds are nature's great check on
the excess of insects and that they
maintain the balance between plant
and Insect life. Ten thousand cater
pillars, it has been estimated, could
destroy every blade of grass on an
area of cultivated land. The Insect
population of a single cherry tree in
fested with aphides has been estimat
ed by a prominent entomologist at no
less than 12.000,000. The bird popula
tion of cultivated country districts has
been estimated at from 700 to 1,000 per
square mile. This Is small compared
with the number of Insects, yet as
each bird consumes huudreds of In
sects every day the latter are prevent
ed from becoming the scourge they
would be but for their feathered ene
mies. Harper's Weekly.
Can't Please Everybody.
The manager of au asbestus mill
conceived a uovel idea for bis an
nouncements. He bad them printed on
thin asbestus aud inclosed In envel
opes of the same material. As be was
uncertain of the correct addresses of
some of the stockholders, he ordered
bis 'stenographer to write on each en
velope "Please Forward."
The Idea was clever, but one may
appreciate the feelings of the widow
of one of the stockholders when she
received uu asbestus envelope address
ed to ber late husband with the in
scription "Please Forward" beneath
Ihe address. LJpplucott's.
All Were Pretty.
During an equestrian ierforniance a
number of ladies iu the frout stood
up. thus obstructing the view of those
iersous who were seated. In vain
were they collectliely requested to sit
down till at last a happy thought oc
curred to one of the sufferers. He
:alled out lu measured tones:
"Will the :rett lady iu front kindly
sit dowuV whereupon about fifty old
women briskly seated themselves.
Loudou Taller.
Old School Prejudice.
"Doctor. I 4met a medical practi
tioner of a new kind the other day.
and I can't classify him. He diagnoses
all diseases by looking at the finger
nulls of his patients. What would you
call him?"
"I should call him a humbug." Chi
cago Tribune.
A PATHETIC PARTING.
Last Meeting ef William Winter ana
Richard Mansfield.
The last days of Mansfield were In
expressibly afflicting and sorrowful
His condition underwent very many
changes, bis suffering at times was
great but slowly be gamed a little
strength. He bad for some time been
determined on a Journey to England.
His passage was eugaged for May 4,
but be was not able to sail. I saw him
on the morning of May 11, 1907. "I
told them I would see you. Willy' he
said, "even if I were dying." We sat
together for some time. He did not
speak much, nor could 1 speak much
to him. It seemed best that we should
both pretend to believe that be would
sood be well, but I knew that 1 should
never see him again. When be did
speak It was little more than a mur
mured word or two. His mind was
busy with the past Several times ha
mentioned Jefferson and his paintings.
"Studies in green they are," be said.
Once be spoke aloud to himself, "I
have not lived a bad life." Presently
1 rose to go and clasped bis band and
said goodby. At the door 1 turned to
look at him once more. He was sitting
huddled in his cbalr. His figure was
much emaciated; his clothes bung
loosely about him; bis face was pale
and very wretched In expression, and
I saw In hi? eyes as he looked at me
that be knew our parting was forever.
I went back aud kissed his forehead
and pressed his band and so came
away. We never met again. Since
then I have stood beside bis grave
Life seems to be chiefly made up of
farewells like that and memories like
these. "Life aud Art of Richard Mans
field." by William Winter.
BLOTTING PAPER.
IU Discovery Was the Result ef a
Workman's Carelessness.
Blotting paper was discovered pure
ly by accident Some ordinary paper
was being made one day ut a mill in
Berkshire when a careless workman
forgot to put in the sizing muterlaL
It may be Imagined what angry scenes
would take place iu that mllL as the
whole of the paper made was regarded
as being quite useless. The proprie
tor of the mill desired to write a
note shortly afterward, and be took a
piece of waste paper, thinking It was
good enough for the purpose. To bis
intense annoyance the Ink spread all
over the paper. Ail of a sudden there
flashed over bis mind the thought that
this paper would do instead of sand
for dryiug ink. and he at once adver
tised his waste paper as "blotting."
The reason the paper Is of use In
drying ink Is that really It is a mass
of bnlrllke tubes which suck up liquid
by capillary attraction. If a very fine
glass tube is pet Into water the liquid
will rise in it owing to capillary at
traction. The art of manufacturing
blotting paper has been carried to such
a degree that the product has wonder
ful absorbent qualities.
The original blotting paper was of a
pink color, due to the fact that red
rags were used, rags which could not
be used for making the ordinary pa
per, as the color could not be remov
ed. Here was a method for using the
apparently useless matter, and so for
a long time pink was the predominant
color. London M. A. P.
Sounded Best When Silent
In a railroad office in West Philadel
phia there Is an old and trusted clerk
of Celtic extraction who keeps his as
sociates in a constant state of good
humor by an unending series of wit
ticisms. Interspersed occasionally with
"bulls" so glaring that even he him
self has to Join In the laugh that In
variably follows such a "break" on bis
part There was some trouble on the
telephone one day recently, and Mike,
as he Is called among his friends, lost
much of his usual good nature In his
efforts to get the gist of a message
that was being sent from another of
fice. The man ou the other, end of the
wire finally became exasperated and
asked Mike If he was losing bis hear
ing. "I can hear you all right until you
begin to talk," said Mike, "and then I
cau't understand a word you say."
Philadelphia Times.
The Arch.
The consensus of opinion among the
learned Is to the effect that the arch
was Invented by the Romans. Some
claim that Archimedes of Sicily was
the Inventor, while there are others
who would make it to be of Etrurian
origin, but there cau be uo doubt about
the fact that the Uoinaus were the
first to apply the principle to archi
tecture. The earliest Instance of Its
use is In the case of the Cloaca Max
ima, or Great sewer, of Rome, built
about CSS B. C. by tbe first or the Tar
quin line of kings, a work which ls-re-garded
by the historians as being one
of the most stupendous monuments of
antiquity. Built entirely without ce
ment It Is still doing duty after a
service of almost twenty-five centuries.
New York Amerlcau.
The Word "8lave."
An Interesting Instance In history of
tbe twisted application of the names
of a people Is afforded by the case of
tbe word "slave." Now. tbe SlavL
tribes dwelling on the banks of tbe
Dnelper. derived tbelr appellation from
"Slav." meaning noble or Illustrious.
In tbe days of the later Koman em
pire vast numbers of these Slavs were
taken over by tbe Romans In the con
dition of captive servants, and in this
way tbe name of the tribes came In
time to carry with It the Idea of n low
state of servitude, tbe exact ant It be
ds of its original meaning and one
that has survived to this time.
Where He Belonged.
"Sir." said a little blustering man to
a religious opixmeut "I say. sir. do
you know to what sect I belong?"
"Well. I don't exactly know." was
the answer, "but to judge from your
make, shape and size 1 should say you
belong to a class called tbe in-sect."-London
Tit-Bits.
A Description.
"What kind of man Is Withering
ton?" "One of those fellows who depend
upon their whiskers to lend them dis
tinction." Chicago Record-Herald.
SHE KNEW THE GAME
A Nice Old Chlcaie Lady Whe Wa
ssshail "Fan."
X remember being on a Chicago street
ear, says Ellis Parker Butler In Suc
cess Magazine, sitting beside a nice eld
lady in mourning a year or so ago.
She was nervous and kept glancing t
me and then glancing away again. It
made me uncomfortable. 1 thought
she took me for a pickpocket or some
other bad man. Finally she could con
tain herself no longer. She leaned
over. "Excuse me." she said, "but
have you beard yet how tbe Cubs'
game came out?"
I hadn't, and her face fell, but In a
moment she saw a possible opportunity
for consolation.
"Well," she asked, "can you tell me
who they are putting In the box to
day r
How was that for a gray haired
grandma?
In Chicago they all talk baseball
from the cradle to the grave. Dp to
3 o'clock hi tbe afternoon during the
baseball season no one talks about any
thing but the game of the day before.
From 3 o'clock on tbe only subject Is
tbe game that Is being played. The
school child who cannot add two ap
ples plus three apples and make It
five apples with any certainty of cor
rectness cau figure out the standing
of tbe Chicago nlues with one band
and a pencil that will make a mark
ouly when It Is held straight up and
down.
ART CRITICISM.
A Stery a Painter Teld About the
Artist Constable.
A well known New York painter told
at a luncheon u story about art criti
cism. "All art criticism is tolerable." he
said, "except that which is insincere.
Tbe great Constable at a varnishing
day at the Royal academy paused be
fore A'a picture uud said:
" 'Very good, especially the sky. The
sky Is superb.'
"Then he passed on to B and said:
"'A's picture Is very bad. Go look
at It The sky Is like putty.'
"So B went aud looked and then ex
claimed as if to himself:
"'Why. I like the skyP
"'Well,' cried A, the painter of the
picture. why shouldn't you like my
sky?
"'But Constable said it was like
putty,' B explained confusedly.
"So A In a furious rage strode up to
Constable and shouted:
"'Constable, you're a humbug. I
never asked for your opinion about
my picture, yet you came to me and
praised It You said that especially
you liked my sky. Then at once you
go off and tell some one else that my
sky Is like putty.'
"Constable listened, with a smile.
He was not at all confused.
"'My dear fellow, you don't under
stand.' be said; '1 like putty.'" Los
Angeles Times.
A Fresh Start
A girl came in and sat In frout of
them at tbe play, she and ber escort
"What a lovely profile!' said he.
"Beautiful! Delicate little upturned
nose, small mouth, deep, pretty eyes!
Isn't she beautiful-beautiful?'
"Beautiful." said she. "but not half
so much so as the man she Is with.
Isn't be tbe handsomest chap you
ever saw? Look at bis color, bis mus
tache, bis lovely bead of hair. So
many men are bald or beginning to be
bald. I do love to see a fine bead of
hair ou a mau."
"You know." be whimpered, "it al
ways makes me sore to speak of peo
ple beginning to be bald, and you
know why."
"Will you let up on the pretty profile
It I cut out the bald head?" she asked.
"Yes," said be.
"All right." said she. New York
Press.
ern to Starve.
Many years ago an American natu
ralist, Dana, discovered ou the surface
of tbe sea a little aultnal of so singu
lar a character that he named It
"monstrilla." It Is a small crustacean
akin to tbe cyclops so common In
ponds. But while the latter are fur
nished with all that is necessary to
capture and digest their food, the mon
strilla has neither apparatus for selz
lug prey nor any digestive tube. It Is
richly provided with muscles, nervous
system and organs of sense; it lacks
only what Is necessary to prolong life
by aUmentatiou. Tbe monstrilla Is
doomed, therefore, to uatural death.
Exchange.
An Odd Wish.
A student ut a techicul school In
Boston who bad too frequently asked
leave of absence offered ou one occa
sion as a reason the necessity of at
tending the funeral of a cousin.
"Well." said tbe doubting instructor.
"I suppose I must let you go. but I do
wish It were a nearer relative." Lip
plncott's. Joyful.
"I should like some rather Joyful
hosiery." sakl tbe slangy young man.
"Yes. sir. How about a check?" said
the brisk haberdasher, thinking of
what always brought most Joy to him
self. Buffalo Express.
His Closeness.
Visitor I saw your husband In the
crowd downtown today. In fact, he
was so close that 1 could have touched
him. Hostess That's strange. At
home be Is so close that nobody can
touch him. Puck.
Experience Joined with common
sense to mortals Is a providence
Green. Got It Mixed.
An amusing blunder was made In
the case of a Judicial declaration that
certain resident magistrates "could no
more state a case than tbey could
write a Greek ode."
This was made to read that the mag
istrates "could no more state a cast
than they could ride a Greek tost"
London Scrape.
No Barrier.
Miss Playne You can't marry Jack
because I'm engaged to him. Miss
Faire West's that got to do with it?
St Louis Post-Dispatch.
THE
oolumb m
RACES
Will be held
JUNE
21-22 23
4,500.00
IN PURSES
Bitt and Better Than Ever
targe Purses Geed Races
Columbus
BASEBALL
The Gentle Side of the Game as Seen
by a Humorist
I have seen a quiet little Sunday
afternoon game of baseball In which
every man on either side told every
man on bis own aud the other side
Just what be thought of his character.
One captain, says Ellis Parker lditler
in Success Magazine, began by telling
his pitcher what he thought of him
and ordered bim off tbe Held, and the
pitcher remarked that if he had a
catcher who knew how to catch a
ball once every week or so he would
be able to use some siteed. This seem
ed to displease the catcher, and he
remarked in uo gentle tones about the
pitcher's general ability aud the short
sightedness of a captain who would
have such a man ou his uine. This
gave pleasure to the opposing nine.
aud they showed It by appropriately
guying remarks and were taken to
task by tbe nine men of the other side.
The 200 spectators who gathered to
see tbe ball game then told both nines
what they thought of them and were
given to understand that not a man ou
either nine cared a faded flg for
An hour later the umpire went home
or in tbe direction of home, but tho
two captains were still discharging
their men. 1 have seen one stout
catcher discharged eight times in one
seven-Inning game, during which pe
riod he resigned four times of his own
accord.
The Problem.
Howell What are you trying to fig
ure out? Powell-How long It takes my
wife's age to pass u given point New
York Press.
What makes life dreary Is want of
motive. George Eliot
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ffW,sMMMGc9Zr
jrejBay
Better Plumbing
AT ANY homes should
than they now
tried not only to do better
plumbing than we ever did
before, but better than any
body else can do. The vol-
ume of work we are now
doing shows how we are suc
ceeding. We use only genuine 09bm64
plumbing fixtures and employ only
experienced workmen. Our repair
ing Service is prompt and reliable.
I
A. DU&SELL, & SON.
Ml
Columbus,
Club
THE MATTERH0RN.
Its Pointed Peak and the Wonderful
View It Unfolds.
There are very few Alplue peaks so
pointed as the Mutter horn. Some as.
for Instance. Mont Blanc are merely
large lumps of frozen suow. but the
.Matterhorn is quite pointed uud thin,
composed of a ridge formed by a per
pendicular wall of rock ou one side
and a very steep rocky slope ou the
other, a slope which after going a few
yards at an incline breaks off sharp
into a precipice.
When ou the top. therefore, one Is
absolutely perched up betweeu heaven
and earth. Xever before have I seen .j
much space around and below me. It
is wonderful. Immense, unreal. The
panorama unfolded to the eyes is a su
perb one. au Inextricable mass ofl
peaks Itosa. the Urelthoru. the Corn
bin. Mont Wane, the Juugfrau aud
others. There at our feet lies Zermutt.
seemingly u tiny toy village, where wo
cau Imagine the tourists paying their
franc to the telescope mau to look at
us. These good folk do not dream of
the great dliliculty we have In keep
lug our feet because of the wind.
Alas, it is so cold and tbe position
such a precarious one that about ten
minutes after our arrival we are com
pelled to turn our steps toward tbe
descent, which ou tbe Alps is much
more to be dreaded than tbe ascent. -Wide
World .Magazlue.
The End In View.
Ella Win d you let him call you
by your first name? Stella I want to
encourage him to help me get rid of
my last name -Judge.
Never educate a child to be a gentle
man or a lady alone, but to be a man.
a woman. Herbert Spencer.
'2Sf'
have better bath rooms
have. We have always
Nebraska
Driving
S?M?$
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