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About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (May 11, 1910)
if you're as careful in choosing your wearables
as you ought to be, we know where you'll
spend your money and what you'll spend it
for. Youll buy our
Hart Schaffner & Marx
clothes; that's what you'll do; you'll know ex
actly what you're getting all-wool cloth, best
of tailoring, correct style and right fit.
And satisfaction guaranteed on
everything you buy in this store
Suits $15, $20, $25.
One Price Clothing, Shoe and Hat House
This store is the home of Hart Schaffner & Marx Clothes
Route No. 1.
Nearly all the farmers on tbe route
are planting corn.
fjouia Wilken was hauling hogs to
Henry Boaa shipped two cars of fat
cattle to South Omaha Monday evening,
Miss Hulda Grntter of Loup City re
turned home last Saturday after a week's
visit with her sister, Mrs. R C. Schujtz
Route No. 4.
D. F. Uonoghue shipped two cars of
bogs to South Omaha Mouday evening.
A number of the farmers on tbe route
have been compelled to replant their
A. Miksch was the first one on tbe
route to commence planting corn, com
mencing May 3, and Ed Mayberger and
I'tus Foeffel were second.
Airs. Mayberger is receiving a visit
fmm her bister, Mrs. John Thauilor of
Denver, and her daughter. Mrs. John
Powers of Colorado Springs. Colo.
Tbe Congregational church oilers to
the public the following services next
Sunday to which you are invited: Sun
dHy school 11:45; worship 11; Y.P.S. C.
E. 7 p. m.; evening worship 3. Of the
morning tbe pastor will speak from tbe
subject "Christian Character tbe Basis
of Diviue Favor." Of the evening the
following order of service will be fol
lowed: Organ prelude
Hymn Let Us Crown Him
Hymn He Will Hide Mb
Solo (selected) Maurice Wbitmoyer
Duel (selected) Mrs. Floyle and Mrs.
Hymn What a Friend we Have in
Sermon Investment of Friendship
"Will There be any Stars in My
William f j. Dibble, Pastor.
He Obeyed Orders.
Old world domestics make the best
possible servants because they work
like machines, never forgetting au or
der and dolug exactly as they are told,
without presuming to think for them
selves. But once lu awhile this literal
adherence to duty produces some awk
ward results. An American woman
living' In India, with native servants,
once told her butler to see that there
was always a napkin at the bottom or
the fruit dish, ake basket, etc., when
these were brought to the table. Tbe
napkin was thereafter always seen in
Its place. But one day a tureen of
vegetable soup was served, and the
hostess began to wield the long, old
fashioued silver ladle about in It.
Something very like a fringed rag
made Its appearance In the first plate
ful. The butler was summoned to re
move tbe dish. "It cannot be that the
mem sahib found no napkiu at the
bottom," he hazarded, much distressed
because of this unexplained disap
proval, "for 1 myself placed there the
largest one I could find."
Beautiful and most interesting of oil
goldfish Is a native of Japan, and it Is
noted for the beauty of Its tall and tbe
abnormal length of its fins. The tail
resombles a delicate veil, and the fins
are developed to such an extent that it
Is impossible for tbe fish to make rapid
progress iu the water. It Is therefore
solely on account of its beauty that it
is prized and because in this respect It
differs widely from other varieties of
goldfish, such as the "telescope fish,"
tbe eyes of which bulge out of the
bead lu most unsightly fashion; the
"celestial eyed fish." which is also uu
comely because Its eyes are bullet
shaiied and are ever turned skyward,
and the "egg fish," which is so called
because Its body Is somewhat amor
phous, but resembles an egg more
than anything else.
Lord Lansdowue once congratulated
Lord Crewe ou an eloquent speech lu
tbe bouse of lords. "I have followed
It." be said, -'with earnest attention.
uot only ou aivount of tbe importance
of tbe subject, but also ou account of
tte noble lord's judicial attitude. I
admired his earnestness and his elo
quence, but what impressed me most
was his impartiality." A pause. "Yes,
uutil the last minute I did not kuow
on which side of the fence bis lord
ship was coming down."
"Subster is u perfect husband."
"I never heard he was so wonder
ful." "Well, every time he sees a mall
box be feels in bis pockets." Buffalo
There Was Fruit.
Jack So your efforts to win the rich
heiress were fruitless, eh? Tom
Fruitless! Oh, no! I got the lemon.
THE FINAL POSE.
It Mad the Thing Harmonious and
Complete All Around.
In the early days of traveling by
stagecoach across tbe Rocky moun
tains tbe trip was likely to be relieved
of monotony by incidents of no ordi
nary occurrence. But tbe fatigue of
tbe journey was apt to wear upon the
nerves of tbe weak and the timid.
Sometimes the passengers became so
worn out as to lead to a suspicion of
their sanity. The Right Rev. D. S.
Tuttle in bis "Reminiscences of a Mis
sionary Bishop" describes an Instance
One forenoon tbe coach rolled into
Denver, and tbe six horses came pranc
ing up to the office of Wells, Fargo &
Co. A large crowd was assembled, as
tbe incoming and the outgoing of the
daily coaches were the great events
for the town.
At the stop tbe only passenger quick
ly threw open the coach door, leaped
to the ground, ran hurriedly across tbe
street and, turning a handspring,
stood on his head with his heels up
against a supporting wall.
Several men followed him, quite sure
that here was another passenger craz
ed by the long, sleepless ride. One
said to him in a tone of sympathy,
"Why, cap'n, what's the matter?"
Slowly coming to a right side up
posture, tbe man answered: "Well, my
friend, I'll tell you what it is. This
standing on my head is the only posi
tion which I haven't been in during
the last twenty-four hours in yonder
coach, and I wanted to make the
thing harmonious and complete all
IN A CHINESE BANK.
The Way the Clerks Use the Abacus
and Counting Boards.
The Chinese have a way of getting
hold of the first principles of things,
even though they may not have devel
oped them iuto elaborate and scientific
A foreigner, especially If he be of
prepossessing appearance, is received
with great civility at a Chluese bank.
"Scbroff!" shouts tbe head clerk. This
word is not, as it sounds. German, but
a corruption of Hindoo "sarraf," or
banker's assistant. In response to this
call a native cashier appears, noiseless
and deferential, with a smooth shaven
skull, a four foot pigtail and a spot
less, flowing garment.
With great rapidity he will make an
exchange of notes, doing his calculat
ing on an abacus, a frame of wire and
beads similar to those used in country
schools everywhere years ago. Ilia
long, lithe fingers move over tbe beads
more quickly than the eye can follow,
but there's no mistake in the total.
Perhaps the visitor will want a large
piece of money changed into small
coin. Iustead of going through the
wearisome operation of counting out
the 300 pieces included In this trans
action a simple, ingenious device is
employed- A flat wooden tray is pro
duced containing a buudred recesses.
each just big enough to lodge one coiu
and just shallow enough to prevent tbe
possibility of two lurking together.
The pile of small coins is poured out
on this tray, and with one jerk of tbe
clerk's wrist tbe hundred recesses are
filled and the surplus swept off. Hur
Overindulgence in laughter is repn.
bated by Emerson. Explosions of It
he says, should be under strict control,
and he quotes approvingly the saying
of Lord Chesterfield. "I am sure that
since I bad tbe use of my reason no hu
man being has ever heard me laugh."
But Emerson is not altogether consist
ent in this matter, for, whereas in one
passage he refers to laughter as a
"contemptible squeal of joy," in an
other It becomes a "pleasant spasm.'
and he gratefully acknowledges "tbe
rest and refreshment we get from the
shaking of tbe sides." Moreover, he
admits that '!to see a man in a high
wind ruu after his bat is always droll."
Presumably if tbe man is bald and the
road is muddy even Chesterfield might
be led to emit a contemptible squeal.
The coat of a red setter uormaII
stands out fairly clear against heath
er of the ordinary hue. When, how
ever, it gets soaked with rain it dark
ens very much and blends very close
ly with the heather. The Gordon set
ters are perhaps the worst in this re
gard of assimilating with the color of
heather and so being liable to get a
charge of shot Country Life.
His Practical Mind.
Sculptor (to his friend) Well, what
do you think of my bust? Flue piece
of marble, isn't it? Friend Magnifi
cent! What a pity to make a bust of
it! It would have made a lovely
"Why do so many otherwise clever
women write silly letters to men?"
"They're probably making collections
of the answers they get" Cleveland
A CHINESE STRATAGEM.
Legend of How a Projects Invasion
Rajah Suran, who was one of the
earliest rulers of India, overran the
entire east with tbe exception of Chi
na, killed innumerable sultans with his
own hand and married all their daugh
ters. It Is said that when the Chinese
heard of his triumphant progress and
learned that he had reached their
frontier they became much alarmed.
Tbe emperor called a council of bis
generals and mandarins, and upon the
advice of a crafty old mandarin the
following strategem was carried out:
A large ship was loaded with rusty
nails, trees were planted on the deck,
the vessel was manned by a numerous
crew of old men aud dispatched to the
rajah's capital. When it arrived tbe
most wonderful part of the story Is
that It did arrive the rajah sent an
officer to ask how long it had taken
the vessel to make the trip from China.
The Chinamen answered that they bad
all been young men when tbey set sail
and that on tbe voyage tbey had plant
ed the seeds from which the great
trees had grown. In corroboration of
their story tbey pointed to the rusty
nails which, they said, had been stout
iron bars as thick as a man's arm when
they started. "You can see," they
concluded, "that China must be a very
long distance away."
The rajah was so much Impressed
by these plausible arguments that he
concluded he would not live long
enough to reach China and abandoned
bis projected invasion.
It Must Have Been a Violent Operation
Before Jacob's Time.
We frequently hear the expression
"God bless you!" uttered after some
one has sneezed. Tbe expression. If
we can believe Clodd hi bis "Child
hood of the World," dates back to the
time of Jacob. We are told lu Jewish
literature that previous to bis time
men sneezed but once in a lifetime
and that was the end of them, for the
shock slew them. Jacob prevailed in
prayer and bad tbe fatality set aside
on tbe condition that among all the
nations a sneeze should be hallowed
by the words "God bless you!" In tbe
"Jataka," oue of tbe books of tbe
Buddhist Scriptures, wc read that the
expression was, "May the blessed Lord
allow you to live!"
Buddha on one occasion while
preachiug to bis disciples happened to
sneeze. The priests gave vent to the
exclamation, and Buddha lectured
them for interrupting bis discourse.
"If when a ersou sneezes," he ask
ed, "and you say. 'May be live,' will
he live tbe longer?"
"Certainly not!" cried tbe priests.
"Aud if you do not say it will he
die any the sooner?"
"Certainly not!" was the reply.
"Then," said Buddha, "from this
time forth if any oue sneeze and a
priest says 'May you live he shall be
guilty of a transgression." London
The Kind Caddie.
"Once lu a game," said tbe golfer,
"I had tbe good fortune to be six
holes up on my opponent by the time
the elgth hole was reached. At tbe
eighth green something went wrong
with our reckoning of tbe strokes,
and I claimed that I had wou that
hole, too, while my opponent claimed
that it was halved. After a mild dis
pute I yielded.
"But as I moved on with my caddie
I couldn't help grumbling:
" 'Well, you know, Joseph, I gave in.
But I still think I won that hole after
"The boy, with a frown, turned
shocked and reproving eyes on me.
Disgusted with my greed for holes, he
whispered hurriedly, so that my op
ponent should not overhear:
"'Shut up, can't you? Do ye want
to break the man's heart?' " Ex
change. Profane History.
"Well, what Is it now? If It's fool
ish question No. 9,097 I'll spauk you
and put you to bed."
"So, iop; 1 just want to kuow what
is profane history."
"Profane history, eh? Well-it's-it's
just a term to distinguish it from
"But why Is it called profane, pop?"
"How tbe that Is. how do I kuow!
I suppose it-say. you know when lit
tle George Washington cut down bis
father's pet cherry tree?"
"Well, what little Georgie's father
said to little Georgle is profane his
tory. I should think you could get
your lessons without bothering me
with your fool questions." New York
A Philadelphia clergymau tells of
an incident in connection with his
first visit to a town lu Pennsylvania,
where he ex-iected to be called as pas
tor. While tramping along a dusty road
be was so fortuuate as to encounter a
man in a wagon who gave him a
lift. During tbe conversation that
ensued between tbe two tbe diviue
thanced to ask:
"Do the folks hereabout enjoy reli
gion?" "I don't know exactly." replied bis
fompaniou. "but I s'pose that tbem
that has It enjoys it"
Miss Rogers How did you imagine
anything so beautiful as tbe angel lu
Four picture? Artist Got au engaged
man to describe his fiancee to me.
Avarice is to tbe lutellect and heart
what sensuality is to the morals.
A Cheap Hat
She I dreamed lust night that you
had bought me a hat for a present
He Well, that's the first dream of a
hat you ever bad that didn't cost me
The Modest Man.
A modest man isn't one wbo has a
poor opinion of himself. He merely
keeps still about bis good opinion of
himself. Cleveland Leader.
Life Is not so short but that there Is
always time for courtesy. Emerson.
Controlled by a Board Known as the
The lighthouse service of England is
controlled by a board composed of
thirteen "elder brethren." When a va
cancy occurs one of the "younger
brethren" is selected by the "elder
brethren" to fill it The position Is
for life, and the salary is 500 a year.
Any commanding officer of the navy
or master of the merchant marine is
eligible for election as one of the
"younger brethren" by the "elder
brethren." There is no salary attach
ed to the position, but they are eligi
ble for election as one of the "elder
England is divided into seven light
house districts, each in charge of a
superintendent Tbe superintendents
are persons who enter the service as
apprentices at tbe age of thirteen aud
have worked up to the position of
master on board of a steam tender.
They are selected for the position of
superintendent by the "elder breth
ren." A superintendent has control
of his district and its employees.
Lightkeepers are appointed for life.
They enter the service between tbe
ages of nineteen aud twenty-eight and
their salaries are regulated according
to length of service and not according
to station. Lightkeepers as well as
the other employees of the lighthouse
service are pensioned when too old to
perform duty. There is a regular
lightship service, also for life, and the
officers are selected from the men.
The men enter between tbe ages of
nineteen and twenty-eight, but must
have been at sea. Tbey are then eligi
ble to work up to lamplighter, mate
and master. These men are pensioued
when too old to serve.
Something About a Historic English
The Goodwood nice course is quite
unique. It Is a long way from a sta
tion and Is not near any town, says the
London Tntler. It Is on a hill the top
of which Is shaped like a horseshoe.
the space between the two bonis belug
represented by a deep ravine. Tbe
course runs round the horseshoe, the
start being at tbe end of one born and
the finish at the end of the other. Tbe
result of this Is that tbe equestrians
who on other courses contrive to see
both start and finish by the simple
process of riding across while the race
Is in progress cannot do so at Good
wood. They must elect which they
will see aud remain there. On the
other hand, the course Is very easy to
follow with glasses.
Tbe races as an Institution are com
paratively modern, but there must
have been bunt races and matches on
this course since tbe days of William
III., when we hear of the Goodwood
hunt as In existence. In 1800, bow
ever, the then Duke of Richmond
made a new course, which Is practical
ly the present oue. lu 1801 the course
was completed, and in order to cele
brate this a regular meeting was got
up by tbe duke with the assistance of
tbe hunt aud some officers of the Sus
sex militia and yeomanry oud prizes
to tbe value of about 1,000 were put
up. This meant a good sum iu those
days. This was the first Goodwood
meeting of importance, and from that
year it became an annual event.
BIZET AND HALEVY.
The Story of the Origin of a Popular
Air In "Carmen."
Bizet, the composer of the world fa
mous oiiera "Carmen," and Ilalevy,
his librettist, once occupied apartments
whose outer doors opened ou the same
landing. As soon as he had finished
an air Bizet would hasten to submit it
to his neighbor, wbo subjected it to
tbe most severe criticism. From morn
ing to night tbe piano resounded in
the composer's apartments. One night
Bizet finished a dramatic bit lu which
he fluttered himself hu had success
fully sketched the pride of a trium
phant toreador after a successful bull
fight. But Ilalevy listened in silence
and showed but a moderate enthu
siasm. Bizet, somewhat piqued, asked
the cause of this coldness.
"It's good, 1 admit." said Ilalevy.
"Iu fact, it's too good. It lacks move
ment; it lacks snap in short It's not
"Not popular enough!" shouted the
piqued composer. "Do you waut to
write for the slums?" Ue went out in
a buff, but soon relented ami hi an
hour returned with another air. "Lis
ten to this," said he. "Here is my
toreador idea written down to your
popular level." It was Indeed the
song of the toreador and the only one
which ou tbe first night received an
encore and seemed to move the first
night audience from its torpor.
An Old Family.
Sir Watkiu Williams Wynn. talking
to a friend about tbe antiquity of bis
family, was told roughly, that he was
"a mere mushroom."
"How is that?" he asked indignant
"Why," said the other, "when I wai
In Wales a pedigree of a particular
family was shown to me which filled
more than five large parchment skins,
and near tbe middle of it was a note
In tbe margin, 'About this time the
world was .reated.' "
Bacon Did you say tbe professor al
ways counts ten before be speaks?
Egbert No; be only counted eight at
yesterday's lecture. Yonkers States
man. His Proof.
Mrs. Youngwlfe What have you
ever done to prove your love for me?
Mr. Youngwlfe Darling, I've contract
ed a lovely case of chronic dyspepsia.
Remember you must die. Let this
not startle you, but let It soften you
while there is yet time to do some
good In tbe world.
What He Remembered.
"Who was the man lu tbe
"1 don't remember the catcher's
name, but I can tell you who pitched."
New York Press.
By refusing to listen to secrets on
Is saved unlimited trouble.
STRONG PULSE BEATS.
In Which They Are Perotptikle
to the Eye.
"It la not such an uncommon thing;"
.said a physician. to find a person
whose putee beats can be plainly seen,
and yet I suppose there are but few
outside of tbe profession who realize
the fact In most persons the beat of
the pulse cannot be perceived, but the
mere fact that tbe beating Is percepti
ble does not mean that tbe pulse Is
other than normaL I have come across
a number of cases where the throbbing
of the wrist could be plainly seen, and
yet the persons rarely gave evidence
of abnormality in temperature. Tbey
were rarely feverish and were In good
physical condition generally. Pulses
of this kind, from this view, which is
based upon actual observations of
cases, do not indicate anything more
than an abnormal physical condition
in tbe formation of tbe wrist veins.
"I have met with one case which was
possibly a little extraordinary in that
It was plaluer and much more distinct
than any I bad ever seen before. It
could almost be beard. Tbe artery
would rise to a poiut almost as large
as tbe ball of the little finger of a
child and would change from the
white of the skin to a blood purple
with each beat of tbe pulse. I found It
easy to count tbe pulse beats without
touching tbe patient's wrist I could
see plainly enough to keep tbe record,
and In order not to err In my calcula
tion I tested It In several ways and
found It was correct and that there
was no mistake In my counting with
the naked eye."
THE ARTIST WON.
Hia Nervs and His Drawing Combined
Made the Editor Meek.
The editor had given the artist an
order to Illustrate tbe story and bad
drawn a rough diagram of the kind of
sketch he wanted. It must show a
deer vaulting In a high leap over a
clump of bushes. The artist read the
manuscript, made tbe picture and sent
it In. It was well done. The deer was
a magnificent fellow, with a pub: of
antlers that tbe most ambitious buck
might well be proud of. Tbe editor
took one look at tbe drawing and then
in disgust returned it to the artist,
with a letter stating that tbe figure
must be redrawn because "tbe story
plainly states that tbe buck was a
yearling, cousequently be would have
had only spike horns and not tbe kind
of antlers you bave depicted."
The artist was not, however, dis
mayed. He stood pat for antlers. With
courage born of immovable conviction
he returned the drawing unaltered to
the editor and wired him: "Composi
tion demands antlers. Change manu
script to three-year-old buck.' "
The editor was struck so dumb by
this manifestation of nerve that be
actually took time to study tbe draw
ing. He let his imagination picture
tbe spike buck instead of tbe majestic
antlered beauty and meekly decided
that tbe artist knew a thing or two.
so tbe editorial blue pencil was
brought Into requisition, the buck gain
ed two years in a less number of miu
utes, and tbe periodical lost nothing
by tbe cbauge. New York Press.
Mr. Dabbs was still out at 2 a. m.
Unable to wait calmly any longer,
Mrs. Dabbs began pacing tbe ball. She
bad gone back and forth about thirty
seven times when she heard n thump
at the back door.
She walked back uud peered through
the glass. It was Mr. Dabbs, all right.
He seemed to bave fallen In tbe mud
two or three times.
She let him in and steadied him up
stairs. "Why did you come to the back
door?' she asked.
He collected his fugitive wits before
"There Is a sigu in front which says
that all packages must be delivered at
tbe rear," be said. St. Louis Post-DIs-patch.
Why Turkish Women Go Veiled.
Turkish women do not wear veils
because of their religion, as many sup
pose, it Is merely tbe survival of au
old custom. When tbe Turks still
lived In Tartary. before tbe time of
Mohammed, it was the babit of tbe
men to steal such women for wives as
attracted them. This led to so much
fighting that about tbe second century
after Christ tbe Turks came together
and decided that henceforth tbe wo
men should go veiled and should not
meet men. but dwell In harems, as
soou as ibey arrived at womanhood,
which was at about eleven years of
age. Mrs. Kenneth Brown In Metro
"It's funny our minister never gets
married." remarked tbe young bus
band wbo bad just refused bis wife a
new dress in bis endeavor to change
the subject I think he'd make a
"Well." replied tbe wife warmly,
"be didn't seem to make a very good
one when be married us."
He Got His.
A cynical old bachelor wbo firmly
believes that all women nave some
thing to say ou all subjects recently
asked a female friend:
"Well, madam, what do you bold on
this que-" u of female suffrage?"
To which tbe lady responded calmly:
"Sir. 1 hold my tongue."
The King In Wrong.
"Tbe king can do no wrong," quoted
tbe wise guy.
"Ob, that's all rot!" retorted the sim
ple mug. who had been up late the
night before. "Suppose you were
drawing to a straight and wanted
either a deuce or a seven spot" Phil
"Well, what is It?"
"Pa. what Is alfalfa?"
"It's a slang term for whiskers, son,"
replied the city man as be resumed
bis novel. Washington Herald.
"What time Is it?"
T don't know."
"Isn't your watch going?'
"Worse-it's gone." Cleveland Lead
A WINNING TRICK.
He Lest All His lets and Made Money
by Doing So.
The captain of one rather old and
low steamer of years ago, finding that
be would bave to be a long time in
China before be received a full cargo
of tea and would bare probably to re
turn hi ballast began, to every one's
astonishment to say that, owing to
the repairs that bad been done to his
engines, be hoped to make a racing
passage back to England. Then, still
more to the astonishment of the cap
tains of the fast steamers and the
world at large, he commenced to back
himself to make tbe fastest passage
In such very considerable sums of
money did be wager that people be
gan to think there was something In
it and the merchants sent their tea
almost entirely to bis ship, arguing
that as the captain stood to lose rJfo
tbe repairs to his steamer's engines
had probably put him In a position to
bet almost on a certainty.
Of course the steamer, whose great
est speed was eight knots an hour, ar
rived iu England weeks after the oth
ers, and the captain lost 250. but in
stead of having to lie hi China wait
ing bis chance of cargo coming iu
from tbe Interior, a probable delay of
weeks, he had cleared In a few days
after his bets became known to the
public with a full ship, thus recouping
to bis owners, who, of course, paid his
bettiug losses, a considerable numlier
of thousands of pounds profit Black
A DANGEROUS TRAITOR.
The Result of PechantiVs Plot to Kill
Probably no well meaning poet was
ever more taken by surprise than was
M. Pechantre. a gentle and mild man
nered French dramatist of the seven
teenth century, who was one day ar
rested for high treason as he was
peacefully eating his dinner at a vil
The landlord of tbe inn where be
was hi the habit of dining discovered
on a table a piece of paper ou which
were written some unintelligible
phrases and below In a plain, bold
hand, "Here 1 will kill the king."
The landlord consulted with tbe chief
of police. Clearly this clew to a con
spiracy ought to be followed up. Tbe
person wbo bad left the paper bad al
ready been remarked for bis absent
air and gleaming eye. That man was
The chief of police Instructed tbe
landlord to send for him the next time
the conspirator came to dinner.
When Pechantre was shown tbe evi
dence of his guilt be forgot the awful
charge against him and exclaimed:
"Well, I am glad to see that paper.
1 have looked everywhere for It. It
Is part of a tragedy 1 am writing. It
Is the climax of my best scene, where
Nero Is to be killed. It comes iu here.
Let me read It to you." And he took
a thick manuscript from bis pocket
"Monsieur, you may finish your din
ner and your tragedy In peace." said
tbe chief of police, and be beat a hasty
Tbe story Is told of a little New
England girl the workings of whose
Puritan conscience involved her in dif
ficulties ou one occasion.
She was studying mental arithmetic
at school and took no pleasure in it.
One day she told her mother, with
much depression of spirit, that she
had "failed again in mental arith
metic," and on being asked what prob
lem bad proved her undoing she sor
rowfully mentioned the request for the
addition of "nine and four."
"And didn't you know the answer,
dear?" asked her mother.
"Yes'in." said tbe little maid: "but,
you know, we are to write tbe an
swers ou our slates, aud Itefore I
thought I made four marks aud count
ed up. Teu. Meveu, twelve, thirteen,'
and then, of course. I knew that
wasn't mental, so I wrote twelve for
the answer to be fair."
The Cautious Kind.
Before tbe customer paid bis bill tbe
hotel stenographer tore several pages
out of her notebook and bauded tbem
to him. "Only the notes of bis let
ters." she said to the next customer.
"He is one of the cautious kind. There
are not many like him. About once in
six months somebody comes along wbo
keeps such a watchful eye on his cor
respondence that be won't even let a
stenographer keep bis notes. Of course
It Is nothing to us, and we always give
tbem up when asked to. I don't know
what tbe cautious folk do with tbem.
Destroy tbem. maybe. Anyhow, there
Is no record of foolish utterances left
In the stenographer's books." New
Ho Got the Book.
Bishop Doaue used to tell tbe follow
ing story on himself:
"Dr. Doaue." said a parishioner at
the end of a service, "I enjoyed your
sermou this morning. I welcomed It
like au old friend. I have, you kuow,
a book at home containing every word
"You have not." said Dr. Doaue.
"I have so." said the parishioner.
"Well, send that book to me. I'd
like to see it."
"I'll send it." was the reply.
Tbe next morning au uuabridged
dictionary was sent to the rector.
In Chesterton's "Tremendous Trifles"
is this: A friend of mine wbo was vis
iting a poor woman hi bereavement
and casting about for some phrase of
consolation that should not be either
Insolent or weak said at last: "I think
one can live through these great sor
rows and even be the better. What
wears oue Is tbe little worries."
"That's quite right, mum." answered
tbe old woman, with emphasis, "and I
ought to know, seeing I've had ten of
In troubled waters you can scarce
see your face or see it very little till
the water be quiet and stand still. So
in troubled times you can see little
truth. When times are quiet and set
tled, then truth appears. Selden.
Ridicule is tbe first and last argu
ment of fools. Simmons.
HURRIED THE WORK.
Peculiar Experience of a Turkish Lit
Once upon a time a certain Turkish
literary man living in Constantluaple
arranged to translate for a daily news
paper a uovel then popular In Eng
land. Each day be rendered a suffi
cient part of It Into tbe Turkish lan
guage to fill the space reserved for it
.Oue day bis iieaceful borne was en
tered by tbe police, wbo peremptorily
arrested the man of letters aud drag
ged him off to prison. No explanation
was given for his arrest The uovel re
flected lu no way against tbe olitics
of tbe state, and be bad broken no
I:mvs. He was not even given time to
bid farewell to his family, but be was
commanded to bring tbe work under
translation with blui. Arrived at the
prison, he was given pleasant quar
ters, good food anil drink aud sternly
commanded to complete his t:ik. So
for several days tbe frightened trans
lator worked arduously.
When the work was done be was. to
his astonishment, iustantly liberated
uud presented with a large sum of
mouey. Upon further Inquiry as to his
treatment It was explained that the
sultan bad become interested In the
story as It appeared from day to day
and was too Impatient to wait for the
end. He wanted to read all tbe rest of
It at once! Truly, there are certalu ad
vantages lu belug a sultan.
STRANGERS IN BERLIN.
Their Comings and Goings Always
Known to the Police.
"I bad no idea that tbey kept such
au espionage over strangers In Berlin
until n friend of mine had occasion to
look up some one there." said a trav
eler. "We had route up from Vienna,
aud as my friend was lu tbe diplo
mat I' service we called at tbe em
bassy. "While there be happened to think
of another friend, an American, who
bad gone to Berlin about three years
before to represent au American con
cern and wondered bow be could get
a trace .f him.
"Wothinii is easier. said tbe em
bassy secretary. 'Just wait u moment.
"He wrote a note aud banded it to a
"We snail know all about your
friend within fifteen minutes. be said
"Sure enough, within that time the
messenger reappeared with an answer
From It the secretary read that So-and-so
bad arrived hi Berlin ou such a
date three years previous, that he
lived at a certalu address, that he had
gone tbe week before to a little town
In tbe Interior, but that be was ex
pected back within three days.
"Well, be turned up ou tbe day tbe
police said be would be back, and we
bad dinner with him." Detroit Free
A Sensational Prophet.
One of tbe most sensational of
prophets was a Kosa negro uumetl
TJmhlakasa. who did bis propbesyiug
iu British Kaffraria. Africa. In 1350-7
His niece had met some mysterious
strangers near a stream, and Uuiuia
kasa. having gpse to see them, report
ed that tbey were the spirits of his
dead brother and others. Tbey com
municated a prophecy which rapidly
grew. Ou an appointed day in 1S57
two blood red suns were to rise, the
sky would fall and crush tbe Fitigox
aud tbe whites, herds of splendid cat
tle would issue from the ground, great
fields of ripe millet would spring up.
tbe Kosa dead would rise and live
with tbelr descendants, and trouble
and sickness should be no more. Un
happily there was u couditiou tin
Kosas must slaughter all their existing
rattle. And so .00.000 cattle, the
wealth and sustenance of the people.
were killed, aud probably 50,1)00 cred
ulous natives starved themselves to
Game In Germany.
Germany Is n country ef Nimrods.
There are. we learn. G00.O00 sports
men, which meaus one gun for every
hundred people. Each year fall to the
guu ou an average 400.000 bares. 4.0UU.
000 partridges. 2.000.000 thrushes.
500.000 rabbits, 100,000 deer. 145.000
woodcocks. 40,000 wild ducks. J5.00O
pheasants. 22.500 deer. 15.000 quails.
13.500 bucks. 1.400 wild boars and
1.300 bustards. Iu weight this "bag"
represents 25,000000 kilograms, a kilo
gram being two and one-fifth pounds.
Tbe monetary value Is about $0,500,
000. Tbe sum received for licenses to
shoot Is about gl.5OO.000.
"I overheard my husband talking in
bis sleep last night" remarked Mrs.
Trigger to her closest friend.
"Oh. bow Interesting!" exclaimed Un
friend. "DM be mention some strange
So." snapped Mrs. Trigger; "he
was dreaming about a baseball game."
The Other Side.
Husbaud (mildly) You should re
member, my dear, that the most pa
tient person that ever lived was a
man. Wife (Impatiently) -Oh. don't
talk to me about the patience of that
man Job! Just think of the patience
poor Mrs. Job most bave bad to en
able her to put up with auch a man.
"And can't be act at all?" demanded
"Well, upon occasion b an." replied
Lowe Comedy. "For Instance, only to
day I saw him getting next to some
free lunch, aud h acted for all the
world like a man who was starved to
deatb."-CathoIlc Standard and Times.
Harker You seem in a deep studv
A penny for your thoughts, old mail
Bluffwood-Oh. I'm a rapid thiuker
and have 500 thoughts at once! Pass
ue over a five spot-Exchange.
Scrlbbler-I am going to call my new
play "The Wicked Flee." Wigwag -l
suppose you'11-er-try It on the dor.
Mrs. Parker Is back In town."
"Has she any servants yet?"
"No. She's screaming for help."
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