The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, May 04, 1910, Image 8
. It- e And that's not all either Columbus Automobile Go, The Seal Automobile House EXPLODING A THEORY. The Practical Method Adopted by a French Scientist. At the beginning of tlie nineteenth century the French Academy of Sci ences offered to give a prize to the first person who would solve the fol lowing problem: If you take a vase full of water and put a stone or any similar body in it the water will flow over. If, however, you put into it a fish, the volume of which is equal to that of the stone, it will not flow over. Explain this phenomenon. Learned essays on the subject pour ed in from all quarters, but the prob lem was not satisfactorily solved in any of them, aud consequently the prize was not awarded. In the following year the same ques tion was again propounded, and for five years answers continued to pour in to the academy. Then it suddenly occurred to one of the academicians that, after all. the problem might be incapable of solution, and he deter mined to make a test for himself. Filling a vase with water, he put a stone into it aud saw that the water flowed over. Then he took out the stone, filled the vase again with wa ter and put into it a fish, the volume of which was the same as fhat of the stone, and saw, to his surprise, that the water again flowed over. lie told the academy of his discov ery, and the result was that the offer of a prize was at once withdrawn. LONDON CABBIES. And the Lost and Found Department and Scotland Yard. "That lost and found property de partment at Scotland Yard is one o the best things they have In London," said a woman who has spent much time In England. "Last summer I had experience with it. "I fell into a sort of habit of losing things. First it was a valuable um brella. I did ttot miss it until I got to my hotel aftenan after theater supper. The nest morning I made my husband take me to the theater and the two restaurants where we had been the night before, but without result. "Then an American friend suggested Scotland Yard. I went there, and there it was. It had been turned in by a cab driver. "Twice afterward I lost that um brella and got it back in the same fashion, each time leaving as a reward for the cab driver a per cent of the value of the umbrella, as required. Then one night I lust a (hie pair of opera glasses, and 1 got them back. "It is an excellent system the police over there have of encouraging hon esty. A cab driver who finds anything in his vehicle is required to turn it in. aud he knows that if the owner claims it he will be rewarded." Exchange. An Old Welsh Custom. The kindling of bonfires on bills is the simplest of celebrations at any time. The Druids made four great fires at their festivals in February, May. August and November. Wales seems to have been a country esie cially tenacious of this custom. Each family used to make its owu tire, and as it was dying out each member would throw a white stone into it. the stones being marked for future iden tification. Then all said their pray ers and went to bed. and in the morn ing they tried to find all the stones again. If any stone was missing it betokened that the owner of it would die within a year. Some superstitions are pretty aud picturesque and attrac tive. This was one of the many which were cruel as well as picturesque. It would take hut a slight accident to cause a fright that might be actually dangerous to a superstitious person, and It would not be hard for an ene my of such a person to cause that fright by stealing his stone from the fire. A Roman Dinner. A Roman dinner at the house of a wealthy man cousisted chiefly of three courses. All sorts of stimulants to the appetite were first served up. and eggs were indispensable to the first course. Among the various dishes we may in stance the guinea hen, pheasant, night ingale and the thrush as birds most in repute. The Roman gormands held peacocks in great estimation, especial ly their tongues. Mncrobius states that they were first eaten by Ilortensius, the orator, and acquired such repute that a single peacock was sold for 50 denarii, the denarius being equal to about eigbtpeiice halfpenny of English money. Chambers Journal. Saved by His Wits. The Duke of Wellington once met by accident an officer in a state of In ebriety. -Look here, sir." said the Iron Duke. "What would you do if you met one of your men in the condition in which I find you''" The officer drew himself up. gave the military salute and replied with great gravity. "1 would not condescend to speak to the brute." His wit saved him bis commission. Appreciation. "Father." said little Rollo. "was George Washington a greater man than Santa Claus?" "I won't aty, mysou. that he was greater, but be has proved much less expensive." Washington Star. A STORY OF BLUCHER. The Old General Gave His Son a Let son In Gaming. Speaking of military men who were gamblers, Ralph Nevill In "Light Come, Light Go," after noting that Napoleon only played in an amateur way and never seriously and that the Duke of Wellington, while a member of Crock ford's famous gambling club, was not particularly fond of play, goes on to relate the following about Blucher: Another great soldier, on the other band, repeatedly lost large sums at pla3 This was Blucher, who was In ordinately fond of gambling. Much to his disgust, this passion was Inherited by his son. who had often to be re buked by his father for his visits to the gaming table and was given many a wholesome lecture upon bis youth and inexperience and the consequent certainty of loss by coming in contact with older and more practiced gam blers. One morning, however, young Blu cher presented himself before his fa ther and exclaimed, with an air of joy, "Sir, you said I knew nothing of play, but here is proof that you have uudervalued my talents," pulling out at the same time a bag of rubles which be had won the preceding night "And 1 said the truth," was the re ply. "Sit down here and I'll convince you." The dice were called for, and In a few minutes old Blucher won all bis son's money, whereupon, after pocket ing the cash, he rose from the table, observing, "Now you see that I was right when I told you that you would never win." SUSPICION JUSTIFIED. It Was Not a Mouse the Master Heard In the Kitchen. The late Rev. Dr. Wigbtman, sitting one night later than usual engrossed in the profundities of a great tome, imagined he heard a sound lit the kitchen inconsistent with the cautious ness of a mouse; so, taking his candle, he proceeded to investigate the cause. His foot being heard In the passage, the servant began with much noise to rake out the fire as if preparing for bed. "l'e're up late tonight, Mary." "I'm jist rakiu' the fire, sir, and gaun to bed." "That's right. Mary. I like timeous hours." On his way back to the study he passed the coal cellar door and, tarn lug the key, took it with him. The next morning at an early hour there was a rap at his bedroom door and a request for the key to get some coal. "Ye're up too soon, Mary. Go back to your bed." Ilalf an hour later there was an other knock aud a similar request, in order to prepare for breakfast "I don't want breakfast so soon, Mary. Go back to your bed." In another half hour there was an other knock, with an entreaty for the key, as it was washing day. Tills was enough. lie rose aud banded out the key, saying, "Go and let the man out" As the preacher shrewdly suspected, Mary's sweetheart had been imprisoned all night in the coal cellar. London Family Herald. Vanity Tickled. During the early excesses of the French revolution a rabble of men aud women were rioting in the streets of Paris. Lafayette appeared and ordered a young artillery officer to open fire upon them with two cannon. The of ficer begged the general to let him try first to persuade them to withdraw. "It is useless to appeal to their rea son," said the general. "Certainly," answered the officer, "and it is not to their reason, but to their vanity, I would appeal." The officer rode up to the front of the mob, doffed his cocked bat pointed to the guns and said: "Gentlemen will have the kindness to retire, for I am ordered to shoot down the rabble." The street was cleared at once, for none could brook the idea of being classed with the scum of the city. An Acute Sense of Taste. William aud Lawrence were in the habit of saving a part of their dessert from the evening dinner for consump tion the next morning, aud in accord ance with this custom two small cakes had been placed in the cracker jar for them. William, belug the first up on the following morning and being hun gry, went to the jar. He found only one cake, and a large piece had been bitten out of that Full of wrath, he went upstairs and roused his brother. "Say," he demanded, "I want to know who took that big bite out of my cake!" "I did," sleepily answered Lawrence. "What'd you do that fori" "Well, when I tasted it I found it was your cake, and so I et the other one." Youth's Companion. Marriage. Muriel (letting him down easy) I should advise you" uot to take It to heart I might prove a most unde sirable wife. Marriage Is a lottery, you know. Malcolm (bitterly) It strikes me as more like a rattle. One man gets the prize and the others get the shake. Smart Set LOCATING TRUFFLES. The Hunter Works With a Trained Pig ami a Pointed Staff. The truffles looked exactly like white potatoes that had been very thorcczh ly dusted with powdered cinnamon. They were the size of white potatoes, and they had the white potato's Irreg ular shape. "On the way to the Riviera," said the host, "I stopped at Marseilles In order to see a trufBer, or truffle gath erer, at work. Truffles come only from France. They cost, even over there, about $5 a pound. The taste? Well, mushroomy, but much richer. "Our Marseilles truffler carried a pointed staff. His Indispensable col laborator was a trained pig on a leash. The pig was like any other, only his snout was longer and better devel oped. "We spectators had hardly walked 100 yards over the fields when the pig stopped and began to root near the foot of an oak. The truffler helped him to dig with the pointed staff. Some truffles appeared a foot under ground, and the truffler pushed the pig aside, threw It an acorn and put the truffles in his bag. "He found, or. rather, his pig found, a dozen truffles In the hour we watch ed him. At every find the pig was re warded with an acorn. These pigs cost $60 apiece. The man made about $4 that morning." Exchange. HIS OWN COIN. Knox Gava Root What Root Had Passed Out to Depow. Senator Depew told a little story on himself and Senator Root 'In a speech at a dinner in Washington to Mr. Root by the New York Republican congressional delegation. "When Root was secretary of state." said Senator Depew, "I went over to see him and asked him If he couldn't do something for me In the line of consular npiwlntments. He said: 'Sen ator, I'm sorry. I would like to do something for New York, but' and Mr. Root picked up a paper from his desk 'I see that New York's quota is now exceeded by 14 per cent "Well." continued Senator Depew, "I kept going to see Senator Root for a year. Every time I went to see him he would remind me that New York's quota was exceeded by 14 per cent Finally I said. 'Mr. Secretary, I think you're a great statesman, but your mathematics are inclined to be auto matic' "After awhile Mr. Knox became sec retary of state," Senator Depew said when the laughter bad subsided. "Sen ator Root went up to see him about consular appointments. 'I'm sorry, said Mr. Knox, 'but' and he turned to a document file I find that New York's quota Is now exceeded by 14 per cent' "New York Sun. Major Pond and Bill Nyo. More than one successful lecture star bad to thank Major Pond for his start He had keen discrimination and not infrequently sought out and dragged upon the lecture platform' an obscure genius who never thought to see him self before the footlights. Such a genius was Bill Nye. When the major found him he was acting as postmas ter and editing the Laramie Boom erang over a livery stable. ("Walk down the alley, twist the gray mule's tail, take the elevator Immediately!") Pond persuaded him to try lecturing, and as there proved to be both money and useful publicity In It Nye was grateful aud used for years to remem ber the major with characteristic notes, one of which bad the following exhaustive signature: Yours with a heart full oZ gratitude and a system full of drugs, paints, oU, turpen tine, glass, putty and everything usually kept In a first class drug store. BILL NYE. P. S. Open all night. Old Times at tho Capital. In recalling the lively and pictur esque incidents which the old timers enjoyed in Washington one Is moved almost to tears over the commonplace nature of his own times. John Adams used to bathe In the Potomac every morning at daylight because he bad no bathtub in the White House, and no one ever pulled a kodak on him. President Taylor used to walk about the town and stop and chat with ev ery one he met like a policeman. A reception in the White House In these days Is relieved of monotony only by the great crush of guests, who trample the clothes off one another's backs. Another president set up In the east room a COO pound cheese and Invited the multitude to come In and help Itself, which the multitude proceeded to do. Fat and Thin.. The two women encountered each other at a dance. They bad not met for several years. "How thin you have grown!" ex claimed one. "How fat you've got to be!" the oth er cried, and they stood gazing at each other in some dismay. "Before you come to blows," re marked a mutual friend who stood by. "let's take a vote as to which Is worse, to get too fat or to get too thin." New York Press. Finnish Respect For tho Law. In Finland there Is a deep and pre vailing respect for law. "Can I have a shot at an elk?" asked a stranger of a peasant who lived on the fringe of a forest well stocked with this noble game. "No, sir. It's against the law." "What Is the penalty?" "Two hundred Finnish marks." "All right Will you come along with me if I agree to pay the fine?" "No, 1 won't It's against the law, and I'm not going to break it!" "Rus sian Characteristics." Distant Neptune. The period of man's whole history Is not sufficient for an express train to traverse half the distance to Neptune from the earth. Thought wearies and fails in seeking to grasp such dis tances. It can scarcely comprehend 1,000.000 miles, and here are thousands f them. When we stand on that the outermost of the planets, the very last sentinel of the outposts of the King, the very sun grows dim and small in the distance. BRANDED BY TARTARS. A Greek Robber Who Was Tattooed From Hsad o Foot A remarkable case of tattooing came to light In Professor Hebra's lecture room In a hospital In Vienna a num ber of years ago. The man was the subject of a lecture, and one of the spectators at first mistook him for a bronze statue. He was tattooed from head to foot, and not a quarter of a square Inch of his entire person was Intact The skin presented an appearance resembling the tracery of an exceed ingly rich cashmere shawl. The color ing was done with Indigo principally, with enough red Inserted here and there to give It effect His name was George Constantlne, a Greek by birth, who with a band of robbers entered Chinese Tartary to commit depreda tions. The gang was captured, and this man, with others, was ordered by the ruler to be branded In this man ner. On the palms of his hands letters were tattooed which explained that he was "the greatest rascal and thief In the world.' It took three months to tattoo him, the Indigo being pricked Into the skin. The designs represent ed elephants, lions, tigers and birds, with letters worked In between. A couple of dragons ornamented his forehead. He said his body swelled up very much at the time and ever since had been sensitive to changes In the weather. Westminster Gazette. A DELICATE HINT. Tho Present Girard Sent to One of His Ship Captains. One of the sea captains In the em ploy of Stephen Girard. the founder of Glrard college, had a rural Yankee's fondness for whittling with bis jack knife and on one trip succeeded In get ting away with a large part of the rail, although, feeling that be was not without the artistic sense, he really regarded the rail as greatly Improved In appearance. When the vessel came to Philadelphia, GIrard went aboard, made a general Inspection In the cap tain's absence and as he was about to return to shore asked one of the sea men who bad been cutting the rail. The seaman told him the captain and then, afraid his telling might have un pleasant consequences were the cap tain to learn of It In a roundabout way. Informed that official of the Interview with GIrard. The captain was in ter ror of a reprimand, but. hearing noth ing from bis employer, supposed the Incident closed. As he was about weighing anchor ready to leave port a dray loaded with shingles drove down to the wharf, and the driver hailed the vessel. "There must be some mistake!" shouted the captain. "Our bill of lad ing doesn't mention shingles." "This Is where they belong," sung back the driver. "Mr. GIrard himself told me to deliver them. He said they are for the captain to whittle." Self Examination. Every man's life Is an Imperfect sort of circle which he repeateth and run neth over every day. He bath a set of thoughts, desires, and Inclinations which return upon him In their proper time and order and will very hardly be laid aside to make room for any thing new and uncommon, so that call upon him when you please to set about the study of bis own heart and you are sure to find him pre-engaged. Either he has some business to do or some company that he must entertain or some cross accident hath put him out of humor and unfitted him for such a grave employment And thus it cometh to pass that a man can nev er find leisure to look into himself, be cause he doth not set apart some por tion of the day for that very purpose, but foolishly deferreth from one day to another until bis glass is almost run out and be Is called upon to give a miserable account of himself In the other world. Dean Swift A Pheasant's Blind Flight Speaking of the habits of pheasants, Bailey's Magazine says: "A very curious incident was record ed In October. 189a A ben pheasant was flushed In a field of turnips, and as she got up flew Into a piece of rot ten, wet leaf, which clung around her head, completely enveloping it and blindfolding her. She kept ahead to wind, so that the wet leaf still re mained plastered over her eyes, and in this plight fluttered higher till she became exhausted and gradually sank to earth agalu. "The frequency with which pheas ants fly through windows, sometimes with fatal results. Is thought to be due to the bird in Its baste being deceived by the reflection in the glass of the landscape behind it" Sledgehammer Education. The teacher of one of the grades In a primary school was astonished to receive the following communication from tbe parent of a pupil: Dear Miss Thinking it might become necessary. 1 hereby give you permission to beet my son anytime It Is necessary to lem him his lessons. My Tom is Just like his father: you have to lern him with a club. Just you pound noledge Into him the way 1 want Don't pay no attention to what his father, says. I will handle Cincinnati Commercial Tribune. Tho Matter Explained. "Why do they say 'as smart as a steel trap?' " asked the talkative board er. "I never could see anything par ticularly Intellectual about a steel trap." "A steel trap Is called smart" ex plained the elderly person In bis sweetest voice, "because it knows ex actly tbe right time to shut up." More might have, been said, but In the circumstances It would have seem ed unfitting. London Tit-Bits. Tho Similarity. "My husband Is like a rooster In one respect" "Indeed?" "Yes; when he gets op early he crows over It" Judge. Tho Right to Work. Drum of tbe Village Orchestra I don't care what you do say, the tune ain't finished. I've only bit 'un dree 'underd an fifteen times Instead of lower 'underd, as Is my share. Lon don Punch. A WONDERFUL SNAKE. tt Defied tho Attacks of tho Serpent Killing Iguana. Snakes on the pampas of South America have many enemies. Burrow ing owls feed on them, and so do herons and storks, which kill them with a blow of their javelin beaks. The ty rant bird picks up the young snake by the tall and, flying to a branch or atone, uses the reptile as a tall until its life Is battered out The large liz ard of the pampas, the Iguana, Is a fa mous snake killer. It smites the snake to death with its powerful tail. Mr. Hudson In his "Naturalist In La Pla ta" tells this story: One day a friend of mine was riding out looking after his cattle. One end of his lasso was attached to his saddle, and the remainder of the forty foot line was allowed to trail on tbe ground. The rider noticed a large Iguana lying apparently asleep, and, although be rode within a few Inches, It did not stir. But no sooner bad the rider pass ed than the trailing lasso attracted the lizard's attention. It dashed after the slowly moving rope and dealt it a succession of violent blows with Its tall. When the whole of the lasso, several yards of which had been pound ed In vain, bad passed by, tbe iguana, with uplifted bead, gazed after it with astonishment Never had such a won derful snake crossed Its path before. THE HEDGEHOG. Tactics It Employs In Making a Meal of an Adder. The hedgehog Is tbe possessor of tastes which, like Sam Welter's knowl edge of London, are "extensive and pe culiar," says the Scotsman. Scorning fastidiousness, It can make a hearty meal of nearly any Insect and Is one of the vertebrates which can tackle the cockroach. For effectual exter mination of beetles and crickets it is as useful as a mongoose among tbe rats, but it Is not generally known that It has a partiality toward snakes and adders. The methods It employs for the at tack are Interesting. Having come upon tbe adder, it goads that reptile to tbe offensive and at the first dart immediately rolls Into a ball. Tbe ad der Is then left to attack the spines, In which encounter it naturally comes off second best. After awhile, when tbe hedgehog feels that bis antagonist has exhausted his power, it once more opens out and makes a bite at the ad der's back, thereby breaking Its spine. It then proceeds to crunch the whole of the reptile's body by means of Its powerful jaws, and after that It Is said to start at tbe tail and devour its prey. Subtle Flattery. Walters Nos. 1 and 2 peeped out at the baldbeaded man, then ducked be hind the screen. "None of him for me," said Waiter No. 1. "He doesn't tip." "Same here," sakl Walter No. 2. "I'll fix him," said Walter No. 3. He took an order for soup. Before serving it be showed the two muti neers a hair floating on tbe surface of the soup. They marveled then, and they marveled still mqre when at the end of the baldbeaded man's dinner the waiter returned with a dollar bill. "Ninety-nine baldbeaded men in a hundred can be worked that way," be said. "If tbe customer doesn't see the hair himself I call bis attention to it and make him think it fell out of his own bead. The fact that he had a hair to lose so appeals to his vanity that he loves me for finding It aud gives me a tip big enough to cover the cost of a dozen plates of soup." Chi cago Tribune. Her Way of Putting It A gentleman stepping on board of an ocean bound steamer just before she started inquired of the captain where the old steward was. "Oh," re plied the captain, "he was discharged some time ago." "Why did he leave? He seemed a first rate fellow." "Well, to tell the truth, he got too big for his breeches and we had to get rid of him." This was overheard by a bright little girl, the daughter of one of the passengers on the steamer. Soon after another passenger arrived, and. after looking around, said, "I don't see the old steward. What has be come of him?" "I think he was dis charged." said some one. "What for?" "I know," said the little girl, "but I do not like to tell." "Oh. but you may tell me, surely." said the passenger kindly. The modest little maiden hung her bead and slowly answered. "'Cause his trousers were too short" Forgot Doctor's Fee. A former St Mary's student, writing from Sao Paulo, in Brazil, In tbe St. Mary's Hospital Gazette, says: "A few days back I was giving chloroform to a patient when I felt a touch on my shoulder, and a voice said, The pa tient Is very still.' I said, 'lie is quiet all right' and the voice replied: 'I am his brother; If he dies you die. I have a pistol, and there are eight of us!' Here. If any one is ill. all the family collects, and they sit in the same room as the patient and watch what is done." The doctor adds, "Unfortu nately, though there were eight of them, they forgot my fee." Tho Difference. Mrs. Dash Tbe Idea of Mrs. Rash having society aspirations! Why, her father was a peddler! Mr. Dash Yes, she's entirely too forward. She ought to hang back until people have forgot ten it. Now, In your case, my dear, it was your grandfather who was a peddler. What He Had Done. "I'd be ashamed tu beg if I was a big. bealtbf looking man like you." said tbe sarcastic woman. "You ought to look for a job of some kind. Have you done auything at all during the past year?" "Yes. ma'am, I hev." answered the husky hobo meekly. "I jist finished doin thirty days, ma'am." Chicago News. The Test of Salesmanship. Anybody can sell goods everybody wants, but It tabes a real salesman to dispose of something that everybody ought to want Detroit Free Press. Most of us are extremely wise when It comes to knowing what other people ought to do. PERSONAL MAGNETISM. A Great Asset In Business as Weft ae In Society. There have been great advocates at the bar whose charming manner. Ilk the presence in court of some of the world's famous beauties, would so sway tbe jury and the judge as to en danger and sometimes actually divert jsstice. says Orison Swett Marden tat Success Magazine. A gracious, genial presence, a charming personality, a refined, fascinating manner, axe wel come where mere beauty is denied aid where mere wealth Is turned away. They will make a better Impression than the best education or the highest attainments. An attractive personali ty, even without great ability, often advances one when great talent and special training will not There is always a premium uon a charming presence. Every business man likes to be surrounded by eopl of pleasing personality and wlnnlug manners. Tbey are regarded as splen did assets. What Is it that often enables one person to walk right Into a position and achieve without difficulty that which another, with perhaps greater ability, struggles in vain to accom plish? Everywhere a magnetic per sonality wins Its way. Young men and young women are constantly being surprised by offers of excellent positions which come -to them because of qualities and charac teristics which perhaps they have uev er thought much about a fine man ner, courtesy, cheerfulness and kindly, obliging, helpful dispositions. ABSURD COSTUMES. Outcoma of a Curious Wager Made In England In 1806. A wager was made In 1S0G In tbe castle yard. York. England, between Thomas Hodgson and Samuel White bead as to which should succeed in as suming tbe most singular character. Umpires were selected whose duty it was to decide upon the comparative absurdity of the costumes in which the two men were to appear. On the appointed day Hodgson came before the umpires decorated with banknotes of various values, his coat and vest being entirely covered with tbem. Be sides these he had a row of five guinea pieces dowu bis back, a netted purse of gold around his head and a placard on his back bearing tbe legend. "John Bull." Whitehead came on the scene dress ed like a woman on one side, one half of his face painted aud a silk stocking and slipper on one foot and leg. Tbe other half of his face was blackened so as to resemble a negro. On the cor responding side of bis body be wore a gaudy long tailed linen coat, his leg on that side being incased in halt a pair of leather breeches and a boot with a spur. He wore a wig of sky blue braided down his back and tied with yellow, red and orange colored ribbons. .One would naturally fancy that be presented tbe most singular and ludi crous appearance, but tbe umpires must have thought differently, as tbey awarded the stakes, some 20. to Hodgson. London Tatler. Testing an Explosive. One of the most dangerous of ex plosives is iodide of nitrogen, a black powder which the slightest touch will often cause to explode when dry with great violence. In experiments to de termine the cause of its extreme ex plosiveuess some damp iodide of nitro gen was rubbed ou the strings of a bass viol, it is known that the strings of such an instrument will vibrate when those of a similar instrument having an equal tension are played upon. In this case, after the explo sive had become thoroughly dry upon the strings, auother bass viol was brought near aud the strings sounded. At a certain note the iodide of nitro gen on the prepared instrument ex ploded. It was found that the explo sion occurred only when a rate of vi bration of sixty a second was com municated to tbe prepared strings. Vibration of the G string caused an explosion, while that of the E string had no effect Mild Result The courtroom was crowded. A wife was seeking divorce on the grounds of extreme cruelty and abusive treat ment Guns, axes, rolling pins and stinging invectives seemed to have played a prominent part in the plain tiff's married life. Tbe husband was on the stand un dergoing a grueling cross examination. The examining attorney said: "Yon have testified that your wife on one occasion threw cayenne pepper in your face. Now. sir, kindly tell us what you did on that occasion." Tbe witness hesitated and looked confused. Every one expected that he was about to confess to some shocking act of cruelty. But their hopes were shattered when be finally blurted out: "I sneezed!" Everybody's. How He Remembered. A diffident young ltoseville man went to a party. If you are diffident your self aud know how hard it Is to re member names when you meet a crowd of strange and lovely ladles yon will be able to understand why It was that the young man's dance card read as follows: L Twostep Helen. 2. Waltz Harry's friend. X Twostep Tall clrl. 4. Waltz-Violets. &. Twostep Swell eyes. 6. Waltz-Fluffy hair. 7. Twostep tittle blue. 8. Waltz Beauty spot SL Twostep-Pink ribbons. 10. Waltz-Helen. Newark News. Courting a Belle. "Would it be any barm to deceive her about my age?' Inquired tbe elder ly millionaire. "Probably not." "I'm sixty. How would It do to con fess to fifty?' "I think your chances would be bet ter with her if you claimed seventy five." Kansas City Journal. Tho Pleasanter Route to Ruin. "Prosperity has ruined many a man." "No doubt, but if 1 were given any choice in the matter I'd rather be ruined by prosperity than by adversi ty. The process Is more enjoyable." Chicago Post CARE OF PARROTS. The Proper Way to Feed. Cage and Teach tho lirds. As few people who own parrots real ly know how to care for them, a few good rules may. be of Interest. As to their food, it should be seeds canary, hemp (but not too much), mil let boiled maize, linseed, rape and .the like. Bread soaked in hot water Is good, given twice a day. and fruit in moderation aud la variety Is whole some, such as grape, apples and pears, an occasional raisin and let tuce. Gray parrots are very fond of rice, and almost all parrots appreciate rice pudding and have a taste, too. for bread and butter. Meat is had for tbem. Clean, fresh wood should he given them to gnaw bits of elm. birch, larch and chestnut Fresh dry gravel must be sprinkled at the bottom of the cage every day and fresh water be put in the glass. It Is important that parrots should have the opportunity to stand flat foot ed, so If the cage has wires at the bottom it is well to remove them. Al ways to have his claws clasping a round perch Is injurious to any bird, and two perches of different size are advisable, so that he may change his posture at will. When a parrot coutinues to scream he wants water or food or feels ill and uncomfortable or maybe Is mere ly dull. Music, which he loves, will cheer lilm up at all times. A parrot learns to tal!: only from one who speaks very slowly and dis tinctly to him and preferably when he is about to fall asleep. Last, but not least, a parrot should be carefully covered at night London Mail. THE PYGMIES. .Curious Made of Life of the Dwarfs of Rhodesia. Of the pygmies of northwestern Ulio desia a modern traveler writes: "The Batwa stand about four feet high anil are long armed, short legged and ugly, being unusually prognathous. The legs are disproportionately short the feet large, and the body is covered with a sort of down. Itoth sexes af fect a state of complete nudity. They have their own tongue, hut usually know a little of the language of their big ueighlmrs. No attempt Is made to till the ohmi forest glades. They de pend for ford on game and what they steal from the fields and plantations of tbe surrounding tribes. "Though there are seven diTerent tribes of pygmies, they appear to have no tribal organization. It is the cus tom for a group of families to-attach themselves to a negro chief ami in re turn for food to assist him to tight his euemies. The standard of morality of these little people Is high, and, strange ( to say, they are remarkably Intelli gent "The wild beasts llviug in this for est are killed for food, even the ele phant. Pitfalls, snares and heavily weighted spears are used, but their favorite way of hunting an elephant appears to be with bow and arrow. Poisoned arrows are shot into him. and the great beast is followed until he falls, when the little hunters camp around the body and feast ou the car cass until it is finished." Catch-as-catch-can. She gave him a playful pinch on the cheek. "New suit!" she exclaimed. "And what a beauty!" "Hat her nice, isn't It?' he agreed, surveying himself proudly in the glass. It was a spring suiting of the very latest style. Even the editor of the Tailor and Cutter could have found tm fault "And doesn't it fit well?" she cried. "Turn round. To a T! Lovely! It must have been expensive!" He put his lingers on his lips. His other band wandered affection ately down a very pronounced crease, and bis eyes filled with a look of pride. "Hush!" he wbisiiered. "Not so very! Five bob down and five bob every time the collector sees me first!" London Answers. Hoar and Evarts. On one of his later birthday anniver saries Senator Hoar wrote to William 31. Evarts and congratulated him upon his length of years. In his reply the aged lawyer saiu. it brought to mind an old lady in New England who had occasion to write to a friend about some matter of trifling Imjiortance ami when she had reached the end of the thirteenth page awakened to the fact that she had been rather diffuse and added. "Please excuse my longevity." Out at First. Tbe hammock was built for two. but she was occupying it alone. "I have noticed." said the man on the porch chair, "that the prettiest girls always marry the biggest fools." "Say no more. Mr. Slowboy." rejoin ed the fair maiden. "I appreciate your friendship, but I can never be your wife." Chicago News. Natural Gas. Natural gas is a member of the par affin series formed by the decomposi tion of animal matter, as in Ohio and Indiana gas. and from vegetable mat ter, as in Pennsylvania gas. this decay having occurred within tbe rocks and probably at moderate temperatures. When once formed It accumulates in tbe pores of the rocks In which it orig inated or In tbe overlying layers, hut Is usually kept from escaping to the sarface by the presence of some layers of impervious rock. It Is then obtained by the piercing of these strata by wells, or where the beds have been fssored by folding or faulting it may Issae from natural channels. New York -American. An Inspiration. "What's tbe name of her successful story?" "Bylloxlperboof!" "Gracious: What does It mean?' "She doesu't know." "Where did she get It?' "Why. she was on a train wonder ing in a discouraged way where sne would get a name for tbe story. And Just then the brakeman opened tbe car door and called tbe next stalon." CHrreJaad Plain Dealer. 4 I