NORTH Theatre
ONE NI6NT ONLY
Monday, March 7
Return of the popular
WILLIAM GREW PLAYERS
in
The Great Drury Lane Theatre
London, success
Nell Gwynne
Beautiful Scenery, Costumes, Effects
Cast of Fifteen People
Direct from the Burwood Theatre
Omaha
POPULAR PRICES: 25c; 35c and 5c
COMING
Frederick Thompson's
Polly of the Circus'
David Belasco's
The Birl ef Iht Gtlltn West
"Polly of The Circus"
The story of Frederic Thompson's
"Polly of the Circua," with pretty Fay
Wallace in the leading role, which comes
to the North Theatre noon relates the
love of Polly, the pet of the circus, who
having suffered u severe injury in a fall
from her horse, is carried into the par
sonage adjacent to the circus lot, and of
the young parson into whose heart she
is carried as well. There follows her to
the parsonage, much to the disgust of
several parishoners. the old clown, Toby
and "Big Jim." the hoes canvasnmn of
the show. They have been I he self ap
pointed guardians of the girl ever since
her babyhood, when her mother, herself
a bareback rider, died. They leave her
to the kindly rare of the parson and go
their way. Polly recovers in due time
and soon, under the careful tutelage of
the young minister, forgets her slant; nf
the dressing room and road, and becomes
a ray of sunshine to the lonely pastor
and the children nf the tlock. The story
is followed out logically and simply to
the end The cast is a capable one and
the scenic equipment is elaborate and
novel. This is the same production that
played for one sol id year at the Liberty
Theatie, New York.
Advertised Letters.
Following is a list of unclaimed mail
matter remaining in the post office at
Columbus, Nebraska, for the period end
ing February SI. 1910:
Letters Ralph A Cbappell, II (2 Gil
christ, Ralph Plummer, Miss M M Re
gan care Madison Hotel. Miss Lucy
Schreiber, Conrad Schreiber. Cards
liounta Miller, Ralph Plummer. M.
Struk.
Parties calling for any of the above
will please say advertised.
Cam. Kkamkh, P. H.
Men of loftier mind manifest them
selves In their equitable dealings,
small minded men iu their going after
gaiu. -Coufiii ins.
Lenten Delicacies
During the Lenten season we will be prepared
to cater particularly to the trade which
desires table foods out of the ordi-
dinary. Look over the list:
Smoked, Spiced,
I
Codfish
Mackerel
Finnan Haddies
Russian Sardines
Fresh Vegetables
ISatsumas French Endive
Tomatoes Cauliflower
Wax Beans Radishes
Oyster Plant Lettuce
Young Onions
BOTH PHONES HO- 29
(9duwwbu&ffi
A SECOND MEETING.
The Earl of Stanhope and the Trust
ing Highwayman.
One night when the Earl of Stanhope
was walking alone In the Kentish
lanes a raau jumped out of the hedge,
leveled a pistol and demanded his
purse.
"My good man, I have no money
with me," said Lord Stanhope In his
remarkably slow tones. The robber
laid hands on his watch.
"No," Lord Stanhope went on; "that
watch you must not have. It was giv
en to me by one I love. It is worth
100. If you will trust me, 1 will go
back to" Cheveuing and bring a 100
note and place It iu the hollow of that
tree I cannot lose my watch."
The man did trust him. The earl did
bring the note. Years after Lord Stan
hope was at u city dinner, and next to
him sat a London alderman of great
wealth, a man widely respected. He
and the earl talked of many things
and found each other mutually enter
taining. Next day Lord Stanhope received a
letter, out of which dropped a 100
note. "It was your lordship's kind
loan of this sum," said the letter, "that
started me iu life and enabled me to
have the honor of sitting next to your
lordship at dinner."
A strange story, but the Stanhopes
are a strange race, and things happen
to them that never did or could occur
to other people. London Spectator.
A TURKISH LEGEND.
The Red Rose Sprang From a Drop of
Mohammed's Blood.
"A truly religious Turk looks upon
the rose with great reverence," said
a llorist. "The rose Is beyond ques-
! tlou the prettiest flower that blooms.
and it was so considered by the Turks
many, years before the conquest of
Gruuada. There Is a religious legend
generally believed In throughout Tur
key that the red rose sprang from u
drop of the great prophet Mohammed's
blood. Everything beautiful in nature
is ascribed to him. The Turks, there
fore, have great reverence for the
flower and allow It to bloom and die
untouched, except on state occasions
and for the purpose of making rose
water. "After the conquest by the Turks
they would not worship in any church
until the walls were cleansed and
washed with rosewater and thus puri
fied by the blood of the prophet. It
is used ou the body for the same pur
pose. A Turk whose conscience te
stung by some act or deed he has com
mitted will caress and pay reverence
to the rose to appease the wrath of
the prophet and Allah.
"With these ideas inculcated Iu him
from youth it would shock him severe
ly to see the pretty flower strewn in
the path of a bridal couple, thrown on
the public stage or banked up in hun
dreds at a swell reception or party to
be crushed and spoiled In au evening."
ignorance.
Elsie- They're twins, aren't they?
Bob (scornfully) Twins, you duffer.'
Can't you see one's a boy and one is a
girl? London Opinion.
Do not put off under false pretexts
Homer.
NOTU'K OF SALE I'NDKU THATTKL
MOKPUAfiK.
Nf.lice is hereby Kiven lliat liy irtue of a
chattel mortgage dated tin the 22tut day of No
vember, ia0t and duly filed in tho office of the
county clerk in and for Pintle county, Nebraska,
on the !nd day of November. ISuu.anil execute.!
by K. 1'. Williams and C. D. WIlliamH to A. M.
.loneri and E. B. Feaster to secure the iayuient
of the (mm of $31.12, and on vthich there ia nou
duo W-.7T.. default having been inaile in the
payment of said sum, and no suit or other pro
ceeding at law having been instituted to ie
cover said miui or any part of ttaid debt, there
fore 1 will bell the property therein described.
iz: One model 1M7 Reo Touring Car. Xo.701it,
at public auction at the garage of .lone A Feas
ter, in the city of Columbus, county of I'lalie
and state of Nebraska, on the :3rd day of Man-h,
1U1U, at tine o'clock p. tu.
A. M. Jones ami K. It. Fkastek,
Dated March -'nd. 1410. Mortageee.
Salted FISH
Halibut
Pickled Herring
Holland Herring
Choice Canned Fish
Fruit
' Romance of an Inkstain.
Pens and furniture used in the sign
Ing of famous treaties and documents
recall Archibald Forbes experience
after Sedan. After witnessing Napo
leon's interview with Bismarck at a
wayside cottage and bis subsequent
surrender Forbes and a fellow war
correspondent slept at the chateau
which the fallen emperor had occupied
the night before. The bedroom was
just as Napoleon had left it and by the
bed the open book with which be bad
read himself to sleep. It was Lytton's
"Last of the Barons." Sitting at the
adjoining wriUng table, Forbes wrote
bis dispatch, while his companion
gnawed at a. ham bone, their sole re
mainder of food. Irate at the little
eating it furnished, be flung it across
the room and upset the inkstand Into
which Forbes was dipping. When
Forbes revisited the chateau a month
or so later the Inkstain was pointed
out ns caused by Napoleon's rage on
learning the German terms of peace!
London Chronicle.
Diplomatic.
The late Lord Savile used to say
that high diplomatists had always to
be on their guard against intriguing
women, mainly Russian agents, who
would use any wile to extract Infor
mation. During the Russo-Turklsb
war, when Europe was always on the
verge of a crisis and Russian states
men were most anxious to know what
England would do under given circum
stances, a lady came up to him sud
denly at a ball and said:
"I hear that the Russians have made
a forced march and entered Constanti
nople." hoping, no doubt, that be
would be surprised into some Indis
creet expression.
He merely replied:
"Indeed! And I suppose the sultan
has conferred on them the order of
the Turkish bath!"
The lady contiuued gravely:
"And they say In Paris that if Eng
land does not interfere the eastern
question is settled in favor of Russia."
"And that." replied his excellency,
"is, I suppose, the new judgment of
Paris."
The Raising of Rice.
The cultivation of rice extends back
into the dim past, and there are no au
thentic records as to when it first be
gan. Evidence points, however, to the
Chinese having been among the ear
liest people to cultivate it. and such
great value was attached to it that in
the annual ceremonial sowing of Im
portant plants inaugurated by the Em
peror Chlnnong so fur back In the past
as 2800 B. C. the rice had to be sown
only by the emperor himself, while the
four other plants of the ceremouy
might be sown by the princes of his
family. Iu India rice has been culti
vated from time immemorial. It was
Introduced at an early period into
Syria, Egypt and other parts of north
ern Africa. In more modern times rice
has been sown in Spain, France and
Italy, the first cultivation iu the last
named country being stated to have
been near Pisa in 14GS. The plant is
believed to 'have been introduced into
America in 1G47, when Sir William
Berkeley raised a crop of sixteen
bushels from half a bushel of seed.
The Waiter's Tip.
"Splitting a five dollar bill with a
waiter when you reach a hotel and
promising him the other piece wben
you leave if well served is a poor
game," said a veteran waiter In oue
of New York's biggest hotels.
"A man tried it on nie once, and it
made me sore. I took pains to serve
him poorly, showing that I did not
care for Ills money. I was so careless
that when he was leaving he refused
me the other half. I had him sized
up for a cheap skate, so I pointed out
to him that the piece he had was no
good to him ns it was and offered to
buy it from bim for $2. He thought
deeply a minute and declined. Then
I offered to sell my half for $3. Some
how or other this appealed to bim.
and he bought-it and seemed happy.
I'll bet he hasn't stopped figuring out
yet whether he won or lost. One
thing he's sure of he didn't tip the
waiter." New York Sun.
A Gentle Hint.
A certain butcher is renowned
among his contemporaries for the
quaintness and originality of some of
bis remarks. On a road leading to a
neighboring parish he one day met a
gentleman who at the time owed bim
for some meat. After a salutation the
gentleman remarked:
"That's a fine fat dog you have. Al
exander." "Sae weel he may, sir," was the re
ply, "for he has an easy conscience
and is oot o' debt, and that's tnair
than you or I can say."
The hint was taken, and the butcher
got his money next day. London An
swers. Waiting to Find Out.
Cincinnati Tourist (who for the first
time has just entered a restaurant in
Paris) Have you ordered? SL Louis
Tourist (who has reached the table
some minutes before aud who looks
up from a French bill of fare) Yes.
Cincinnati Tourist What did you or
der? St. Louis Tourist (Impatiently)
How do I know? Chicago News.
The Funny Ooctor.
Dr. McCree My dear Mrs. Goodman,
how could you bring out a young child
on such a day as this with such a
strong east wind blowing? Mrs. Good
man Ah, doctor, you will always have
your little joke. How can a child of
this age possibly know what wind It
Is? London Answers.
Perfectly Cool.
Mr. FIgg Gasser says he kept per
fecUy cool last night when that bur
glar got Into the bouse. Mrs. FIgg
So his wife told me. She found him
trying to hide in the refrigerator.
Boston Transcript.
Food and Fresh Air.
You can live forty days without food,
but you canuot live four minutes with
out air. These things being true, is It
wise to stuff ourselves with food and
starve ourselves for want of air?
Not Always.
Tommy Pop, what Is the difference
between a probability and a possibil
ity? Tommy's Pop A probability, my
son, is something you want to bap
Den. PhiladelDhla Record.
"Nstahole!
Ask for Cooper WoU ef Co.'s
Wo. 99 and get stockings that
not only look well and fit per
fectly with no seams to annoy,
but which give remarkable ser
vice. Wt rocommond thorn,
J. H. GALLEY
505 Eleventh St Columbus
In the Nick of Time.
The steamer was on the point of
leaving, and the passengers lounged
on the deck and waited for the start.
At length one of them espied a cab
iu the far distance, and it soon be
came evident that the driver was do
ing his level best to catch the boat.
Already the sailors' hands were on
the gangways, and the cab's chances
looked small Indeed. Then a sportive
passenger wagered a sovereign to a
shilling that he would miss it. The
offer was taken, and at once the deck
became a scene of wild. excitement.
"He'll miss it!"
"No; he'll Just do it!"
"Come on!"
"He won't do It!"
"Yes. he will. He's done It! Hur
rah!' In the very nick of tune the cab ar
rived, its occupant sprang out and ran
up the one gangway left.
"Cast off!" he cried.
It was the captain. Pearson's Week
iy-
An East Indian Verdict.
In a case iu one of our Indian courts
a jury had before It evidence that
could not be iu any way shaken. When
the concluding stage had been reached
the following Interchange of conversa
tion took place between the judge and
his colleagues In the administration of
justice:
"Gentlemen, are you ready to give
your verdict?"
"Yes."
"What Is your verdict?"
"Our answer is, sir, that you can do
as you like with the men that have
confessed, but we acquit all the rest."
"But Is it possible that you have
weighed the evidence?"
"Evidence like this can always be
fabricated."
"Do you find that as regards these
prisoners It has been fabricated?"
"Evidence can be fabricated."
"So the evidence Is untrustworthy?"
"Unless a man confesses who can
tell be Is guilty?" Bombay Gazette.
The Fun of the Farce.
It is related that the manager of a
theater consented to hear In his room
a young mau who had an unfortunate
impediment In his speech read a short
farce, the sole condition being that it
should not occupy more time than It
took to finish the cigar the manager
bad Just lit. They both started, the
one reading, the other smoking, but as
the mild Havana gradually grew
shorter the worse the young author
spluttered. They finished together. Of
course the question was immediately
put, "What do you think of It?-"
"Well," replied the manager, "It's not
a half bad Idea. Father, mother, lover,
tlaughter, all stuttering, will be novel!"
The author, furious, exclaimed: "They
don't stammer! It Is only my misfor
tune." "Ob, tbeu, the play Isn't funny at
all! Sorry that I can't accept it," re
turned the manager.
Above Her Business.
The tall man came into her little
blue kitchen aud looked over the
shelves which were just beneath th6
level of his head, but above hers. He
ran his tinker over one shelf, then
showed It to her. It was pretty black.
"You are a nice housekeeper," bo
said.
"This kitchen wasn't made for tall
people." she explained falterlugly. "It
was made for little ones." New York
Press.
Crude Logic
It Is told of an East Indian law stu
dent that he once threw his examiners
Into confusion by declaring matrimony
to be an illegal state. "How so? How
so?" he was asked by the perturbed
examiners, many of them married men.
The student smiled beatlfically. "Mar
riage," quoth he, "is u lottery, and lot
teries are forbidden by law."
A Frequent Insincerity.
"The mau's own words prove him a
prevaricator." said Mr. Quibbles.
"Iu what way?"
"He writes me an Insulting letter and
signs it "Yours respectfully.' "Wash
ington Star.
Politics.
Novice They tell me that a man
can't go Into politics and remain boa
est. Old Stager Yes, he can. But it
Isn't necessary. Chicago Tribune.
Success doesn't "happen." It is or
ganized, pre-empted, captured by con
centrated common sense. France B.
Wlllard.
Gas Engine
FOR SALE
at a Bargain
One new 2 H. P. Foos Engine,
with pump jack, all complete
GEO. F. KOHLEK
Ef AMtkr
JtSL danbf."
Jbif IronCbd
JPslS-BBsl -tfcafewfcy.
A Knockout.
A young lawyer was engaged In a
case when a witness was pmt In the
box to testify to the reputation of the
place In question.
This witness In answer to a query
as to the reputation of the place re
plied, "A poor shop.
The lawyer inquired. "You say it
has the reputation of being a "poor
shop?"
"Yes. sir."
"Whom did you hear say It was a
'poor shop? "
The witness did not recollect any
one he had heard say so.
"What!" said the lawyer. "You have
sworn this place has the reputation of
being a poor shop and yet cannot tell
of any one you have ever heard say
so?"
The witness was staggered for a
moment at the words of the lawyer.
The lawyer was feeling triumphant
when the witness gathered himself
together and quietly remarked, ad
dressing the lawyer:
"Well, you have the reputation of
being a poor lawyer, but 1 have never
beard any one say so."
Why Hindoos Don't Ge Mad.
Why are there so few lunatic asy
lums and so small a proportion of in
sane persons In India? That Is a ques
tion which many a traveler has won
derlngly asked. The Hindoos regulate
their lives entirely in accordance with
their religion that Is. their working,
eating, sleeping, as well as what we
usually regard as our "life" In the re
ligious sense of the word. Everything
Is arranged for them, and they follow
the rules now just as they did 2,006
years ago. This constant observance
of the same rules for twenty centuries
has molded the brains of the race into
one shape, as it were, and, although
their rites are queer enough, yet there
is but an occasional example of that
striking deviation from the common
which is called insanity in countries
.nhablted by the white race. They are
fatalists too. With them it Is a case
of "what is to be will be" carried to
the extreme. This has In time given
them the power to take all things
calmly and so freed them from the
anxiety that drives so many white
men into the lunatic asylums.
Thought It Was the Monkey's.
A diamond necklace was possessed
by Mme. Geoffrey de St Hilare. the
wife of the famous French naturalist
It was one of the chief est of her "con
tentments," as Hindoo women aptly
term their jewels. One day madame
missed her uecklace. There was a ter
rible turmoil in the house, and all the
servants down to the foolish fat scul
lion were suspected, but in turn proved
their innocence. At last It was remem
bered that M. de St Hilalre had a pet
monkey, and on a search being made
in the "glory hole" of the quadrumane
the precious bauble was discovered bid
den away with a white satin shoe, sev
eral cigar ends, a pencil case and a de
composed apple. The renowned nat
uralist calmly observed that he had
frequently seen the monkey playing
with the necklace. "Why did you not
take it from bim?" indignantly asked
his spouse. "I thought It belonged to
him," replied M. de St Hilalre. He ev
idently thought there was nothing un
natural In an ape possessing a diamond
necklace as his personal property.
The Monasteries of Tibet.
Every Tibetan family is compelled
to devote Its firstborn male child to a
monastic life. Soon after his birth
the child is taken to a Buddhist mon
astery to be brought up and trained In
priestly mysteries. At about the age
of eight he joins one of the caravans
which travel to Lassa. There he Is at
tached to one of the local monasteries.
where he remains as a novice until be
Is fifteen, learning to read the sacred
books and perform the religious rites
of his faith. The firstborn son, being
thus sent Into the' church, as we
should say in this country, the second
becomes the head of the family
and marries. Unlike some other semi
civilized races, these young Tibetans
have the right of choosing their own
wives. Nor can a Tibetan girl be
married off by her parents without her
own consent The curious custom In
regard to the eldest sons results of
course, in nearly every Tibetan family
acquiring the odor of sanctity, num
bering a monk among its members
London Telegraph.
Slow but Inexorable Justice.
In October, 1900. Pletro Glaconl and
Marie Bonelli were tried at Rome on
a charge of sextuple murder by poi
soning committed thirty-one years be
fore. In England Eugene Aram was
hanged for the murder of Clarke four
teen years after the offense. A man
named Home was executed for the
murder of his child In the eighteenth
century no less than thirty-five years
after the offense. There Is also the
well known case of Governor Wall,
who was executed In 1S02 for a mur
der committed in 1782. Sherward was
hanged at Norwich for the murder of
his wife after a lapse of twenty years.
But Sir Fltzjames Stephens recalls
what Is the most remarkable case of
all. He prosecuted as counsel for the
crown in 18o3 a man who was charged
with stealing a leaf from a parish reg
ister sixty years before that is, in
1803. In this case the prisoner was
acquitted. London Standard.
Prohibited Coffee Houses.
So many coffee houses sprang into
existence In England during the reign
of Charles II. that he, entertaining a
belief that many political intrigues had
their beginning In those places. Issued
an edict ordering them to be closed.
In this proclamation the following
words occurred: "The retailing of cof
fee or tea might be an Innocent trade,
but it was said to nourish sedition,
spread lies and scandalize great men.
It might also be a common nuisance."
Conceited.
Phyllis Harry is the most conceited
man I ever met Maud What makes
you think so? Phyllis Why, be first
asserts that I am the most adorable
woman in the world, the most beauti
ful, Intellectual and In every respect a
paragon, and then be wants me tn
marry bun!
Scandalous.
"What do you think? Mrs. Zlzzel,
who never goes to church, has won the
first prize In the church lottery!" Meg
gendorfer Blatter.
HORSE
SALE
"e'"sBs"siB'p"'""
I will sell at Public Auction at
Ernst & Brock's Barn
COLUMBUS, NEBRASKA
On
Wednesday, liar.
Commencing
"ejwseFFesp wmi'
50 HORSES 50
Coiififting of some good matched pairs
of mares and geldings, weighing irom 2,400
to 3,000 a span; a few driving horses, also
three or four spans of mules.
These horese are from 4 to 7 years old, and everyone
a good broke one, and as good a quality as you will find
anywhere in one bunch of horses.
If you have any old fat horses, bring them in, and if
I cannot buy them, there will be a number of buyers who
will.
TERMS: 10 months' time, at 8 per cent, on bankable
paper.
THOS. BRANIGAN
BRUCE WEBB,
Auctioneer
Knew the Wrens Man.
It was with a good deal or confi
dence that he walked up to the mag
istrate's desk In a Philadelphia station
notwithstanding the fact that a police
mau had a firm hold on both sleeves.
He waited quietly till one of the po
licemen made the accusation of "drunk
and disorderly" and then asked tb
magistrate If be might speak.
"Yes," replied the magistrate. "What
bare you to say?"
"Weil, judge. I was drunk last night,
but It does not often bappeu. I haw
lived in this ward nearly all my life,
and any one can tell you that."
"Ob, lived here all your life, have
you? Do you know any one In the
ward that can speak for you?" asked
the magistrate.
"Yes," said the prisoner, "1 kuow
. He can tell you all about me."
"You know him, do you? Well, so d
L Ten days." was the result.
To Rest His Eyes.
The people who quit reading "Just tu
rest their eyes" might take a hint by
Inference from the reply made by an
okl illiterate. A passing man found
him apparently deeply Interested in a
paper.
On looking close It became apparent
that his paper was upside down, and
he was asked forthwith why he held II
thus.
His reply almost knocked the ques
tioner out It wss:
"Just to rest my eyes!"
A Reversal.
"I suppose you talked a lot of non
sense to your wife before you wen
married."
"Yes," answered Mr. Meekton. "Be
fore we were married she thought mj
nonsense sensible. Now wben I try t
talk sense she thinks it's nonsense."
Exchange. justification:
The old darky had driven his fare to
the hotel and was now demanding a
dollar for his service.
"What!" protested the passenger. "A
dollar for that distance? Why. Is Isn't
half a mile as the crow flies!"
"Dat's true, boss," returned Sambo,
with an appealing smile. "But, ye
see, sub, dat old crow he ain't got free
wives an' ten chllluns to supnoht, not
to mention de keep fob de boss." Har
per's Weekly.
He Had.
The kind hearted man had given the
panhandler a nickel.
"Haven't you got anything smaller?"
asked the panhandler.
"Well, here's a dime; that's smaller,"
answered the good natured man, dis
playing the coin for a moment and
walking away. Buffalo Express.
Musical Nets.
A thief was lately caught breaking
Into a song. He had already got
through the first two bars when a po
liceman came out of an area and hit
him with his stave. Several notes were
found upon him. London Mail.
Bright and Dark Days.
There are bright days and dark days,
and we must take advantage of the
former and be as little discouraged as
possible by the hitter. They are all in
a lifetime.
Common sense is the knack of seeing
things as they are and doing things as
they ought to be done. ttowe.
at 1 o'clock p. m.
O. W. PHILLIPS,
Clerk
Notes on Speed.
The maximum speed acquired by the
average person iu swimming comfort
ably Is thirty-nine inches a second.
while oarsmen iu an eight oared boat
acquire a speed of 117 Inches in a sec
ond. Skaters aieruge from nine tu
ten yards a second. The horse cau
gallop six miles in an hour for a con
siderable length of time. The swift
est dog in the world, the borzoi, oi
Russian wolfhound, has made record
runs at the rate of Neventy-tive feet in
a second, while the gazelle lias shown
measured speed of more than eighty
feet a second, which would give it a
speed of 4 .800 feet iu a minute 11' it
could keep it up. The whale struck
by a harpoon lias been known to divt
at the rate of tttiO yards a minute. A
species of falcon known as the wan
dering falcon tiles from north Afrh-a
to northern Germany in one unbroken
flight, making the distance in eleven
hours.
Rules of Sleep.
Those who think most, who do most
brain work, require most sleep, ami
time "saved" from necessary sleep i
Infallibly destructive to mind, lod.
and estate. Give yourself, your chil
dren, your servants give all that atv
under you the fullest amount of sleej.
they will take by compelling them U
go to bed at some regular early limn
and to rise iu the morning the moment
they awake, aud within a fortnight na
ture, with almost the regularity of the
rising sun, will unloose the bonds -t
sleep the moment enough repose ha:
been secured for the wants of the sys
tern. That is the only safe ami stiili
clent rule, and. as to the question Iiou
much sleep any oue requires, each
must be a rule for himself. Great na
ture will never fail to write it out to
the observer under the regulations just
given. London Globe.
There They Were.
"I am here, gentlemen," explained
the pickpocket to his fellow prisoner.;.
"as the result of a momeut of ab
straction." "And I am here," said the
Incendiary, "because of an unfor
tunate habit of making light of things."
"And I," said the forger, "on account
of a simple desire to make :i name for
myself." "And I," added the burglar.
"through nothing but taking advan
tage of an opening which offered In
a large mercantile establishment iu
town."
Bunched Hie Blunders.
"John," said Mrs. Billus after the
caller had gone away, "i wish you
wouldn't bunch your blunders so."
"What do you mean. Maria?" askeil
Mr. Billus.
"I didn't mind your telling her tua:
you were ten years older than 1. but
you followed it up a minute later b;;
letting it slip out that you were fifty
two." Chicago Tribune.
Listen.
"Well, Henry, how do you like your
neighbors?"
"Not at all; they're so quiet that I
daren't move or mamma can't hear
what they're saying." Bon Vlvant
A Question of Tirre.
"How much does It cost to get mar
ried?' asked the eager youth.
"That depends entirely on how long
yoa live." replied the sad looking man.
-Philadelphia Record.
S.
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