Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 23, 1910)
Powered by OpenONI
BcTBsaV' I ,LBs9aYBsBssr jaVBsVsH
Ljf.- -.- j "jjss KS ... i i HIHh BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBfl
BBBBK- ShMbti' ' !BdVHBBHBBBHBH
HHKHBHKT'J.BHEe.J' '.'x 2E BsTsrJ
m lLSaaaaaaaaaas:'Z'& Sjaa'a'BBBBKSHBsBBBzai
rKTF' t BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTf ;?fBj '3BI
bBtvaia - 4,- ' BsK3aaaaaaaa,J r HnHII
BSBBP '. v '"BBBMBBBBBBBBBBBBaBBBi , jBS'XBmbsmwBKB
B' V BBBBSEBSSSSSSBSBK S ' JSSSMyfSf ffiBB
rl. y i&:Ur.en cs SBBBBBBBBBnSBBBBBBBBBBBBBSBBB-.I .y-- ;BBBm B1BJISS'""P''B
vi i8eI!? '.JKvBBBSBBBBKaaBBBs .!& : jsBsBeTaBsBBBBBBJ
v 'V3K.3 Jp ' iPP1? fSBPBBBBKBBBSKf ? f BBBY '"SSBBSBBSBBSI
mLrm nmmMmK NMbbbbbT?sbbbbbbbbbbbbI
'3ilBllfsfJBBBBBBBBBBBBBBV l Hi SBBBbI '1' BBBBBBBBBBBbS
:. ::; " : flfa J1bbbbbb '11 .fTfl:i bbMJvH
''wlr,a"a"a"M JHsnlBBB"a"a"a"a"a i'4bbbbbbb1bbbb3&9bbbb1
BIi'SBBBBBBKTr'SBBBBBBBlBBBBBBBBBBBf ,'''".M BBBB yf fSX!iiSBBBBj
.BrPiBTABWl' IsBBBBBBcaBsBBBBBBBBM f ifcSfSBJBi Ib1bsbbbbbbb1
3lnBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB7PHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBv -vKk( n-. H OCy B
HBr SbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbVstH- x-s"
rBH- -.'-- "
The Balcony Scene in Act IV of "Beverly" at the
NORTH THEATRE, Wednesday, March 2nd
Prices 50c, 75c, $1.00, $1.50
The Vital Test.
"-Jy eyes .seem to bo all wrong," ex
plained Mr. I'inchpeiiuy to Hie expen
sive oculist. "They're weak :ml tin
easily. After a bit everything seems
to swim before them. Bright lights
lake me dizzy. Can you assist me:"
The expensive oculist nodded.
"Your case is a common one," lie re
plied, "but I fear it will necessitate a
treatment extending over several
months. However, I cau guarantee
an absolute and enduring cure."
Biweekly for several months Mr.
Pinchpenuy was treated, and day by
day his sight waxed stronger and
"Do you think I'm all right now":"
be inquired at last.
"Mr. Pinchpenuy," replied the ocu
list, beaming. "I think 1 can assure
you that your eyes are now cured.
But there is oue more test it would
be as well to apply." Here lie held up
a little sheet of paper. "See," he
eald suavely, "if you can read this
-little bill of mine at twelve indies
without blinking." London Answers
Recipes For Invisible Ink.
The following are the ingredients
of the most common invisible inks:
Sulphate of copper and sal ammoniac,
equal parts, dissolved iu water; writes
-colorless, but turns yellow when heat
ed. Onion juice, like the last. A weak
infusion of galls; turns black when
moistened with weak copperas water.
A weak solution of sulphate of iron;
turus blue when moistened witli a
weak solution of prussiate of potash
and black with infusion of galls. The
diluted solutions of nitrate of silver
and terchloride of gold; darken when
exposed to the sunlight. Aqua fortis,
spirits of salt, oil of vitriol, common
salt or saltpeter, dissolved iu a large
quantity of water; turns yellow or
brown when heated. Solution of uitro
muriate of cobalt: turns green when
heated and disappears on cooling. Solu
tion of acetate of cobalt to which a
little niter has been added; becomes
rose colored when heated and disap
r on cooling.
During the Lenten season we will be prepared
to cater particularly to the trade which
desires table foods out of the ordi-
dinary. Look over the list:
BOTH PHONES NO 29
The Order Pleased the Cook.
The followiug story is told on a mis
sionary of the China inland missiou. a
bachelor keeping house for himself in
the southeru part of China: One morn
ing in ordering his dinner he wished
to tell his cook to buy a chicken. In
stead of saying "ye" for chicken be
aspirated the word, saying. "Buy me a
che.' " His cook thought that was an
eminently proper command and went
about his marketing in high good hu
mor. At noon the missionary found
uo chicken cooked in fact, no dinner
at all. for his cook bad not returned.
About dark the man came back, say
ing: "This was uot a good day for buy
ing wives, and 1 have been all day
looking for oue, but at last 1 found
one for you. She is rather old aud not
pretty, but you cau have her cbeap. 1
have promised $40 for her."
Browning lent Ixrd Coleridge one
of his works to read, and afterward.
meeting the poet, the lord chief justice
said to him: "What 1 could under
stand I heartily admired, and parts
ought to be immortal. But as to much
of it I really could not tell whether 1
admired it or not. because for the life
of me 1 could not understand it"
Browning replied, "If a reader of
your caliber understands IU er cent
of what 1 write 1 think I ought to Ik
Exchange of Courtesies.
One of the keenest of journalists and
wits. Moritz Gottlieb Saphir. had the
better of the irate stranger against
whom he ran by accident at the corner
of a street iu Munich. "Beastr cried
the offended person without waiting
for an apology. "Thank you." said the
jourtiaiist. "and mine is Saphir."
Caller How pleased you must be to
find that your new cook is a stayer!
Hostess My dear, don't mention it.
She's a stayer, all right, but unfortu
nately she's not a cook. Boston Tran
script. Salted FISH
Choice Canned Fish
When Children Smoke.
Jorevin de Itocbefort. who published
In Paris in KJT1 au account of bis trav
els iu England, tells the following:
"While we were waltOn? about the
town (Wor ester) he asked me if it
was Uu custom in Prance as in Eng
land ilur r.hen the children went t
school they t-arried in their satchel
with their books a ripe of tobacco,
which their mothers took care to fill
early iu the morning. It serving them
instead of breakfast, aud that at the
accustomed hour every oue laid aside
bis book to light his pipe, the master
smoking with them and teaching them
how to hold their pipes and draw in
In England at the time of the great
plague it was reixirted that no one liv
ing in a tobacconist's bouse fell sick of
the disease. This caused a great de
mand for tobacco. Hearne says in his
diary. "1 rememlier that I heard for
merly Tom Rogers, who was yeoman
beadle, say that when he was a school -lioy
at i'ton that year when the plague
raged all the boys of that school were
(ililigpd to smoke every morning and
ih:;: he was never whipped so much in
bis life as he was one morning for not
A Quick Witted Docter.
A Frencli surgeon who was once at
tending a sultan resorted to uu expe
dient which, although efficacious,
might have resulted in his own death.
He bad been commissioned to bleed
the grand seignior aud either through
Umidity or nervousness bad met with
an awkward accident. The point of
the lancet broke off In the vein, and
the blood would not flow. That point
must be got out somehow. Without
stopping to consider the consequences
to himself; the surgeon gave bis high
ness a violent slap In the face. This
produced the desired effect, for sur
prise and indignation on the part of
bis august paUent put the blood into
violent circulation. The vein bled
freely, and the lancet point came out.
The bystanders were about to lay
bands on the surgeon when be said,
"First let me finish the operation and
bandage the wound." This done, be
threw himself at the feet of the sultan
and explained his action.
The sultan not only pardoned him.
but gave him a handsome reward for
keeping his wits about him In a crit
Hurled on "Hie Horse.
Lord Dacre. who died fighting for the
Lancastrians at Towtou, England, in
1461. directed that If be were killed In
the battle his favorite war horse should
be burled hi the same grave with him.
According to bis wishes, when his in
terment took place in Saxon church
yard after the battle a tremendous
grave was dug, and In It the -warrior
was buried, seated upright on his
horse. For centuries reflections were
cast upon the accuracy of this tradi
tion, but some years ago while exca
vations were being made close by the
reputed burial place of Lord Dacre the
pick of a digger struck Into a great
bone, and upon further search being
made the skull of a big horse was
brought to the surface. As this was
found almost at the very spot under
which the body of Lord Dacre was
said to lie It was accepted as confirma
tion of the tradition, particularly as the
skull was found to be standing verti
cally In the soil. The skull was re
placed carefully In its original position
and the excavation filled up.
There are microscopic creatures
which live iu roof gutters and on the
bark of trees and are known as water
bears and wheel animalculae. If al
lowed to dry up under the microscope
they can be seen to shrivel into shape
less masses, which may be kept fot
years uninjured In the dried state. On
being placed, after this long interval,
In water they graduallyjplump up. re
sume their proper sbtspe and move
about in search of food just as If noth
ing had happened. Much the same is
true for the minute worms which,
from the substances in which they
live, are known as paste and vinegar
eels. Well known is the famous case
of the desert snail which, retracted
Into its shell, was fastened to a tab
let In the British museum aud show
ed no sign of life for seven years,
when one morning It was found crawl
ing hungrily about the glass case that
formed Its prison. Westminster Ga
zette. Saluting With the Hat
Before the Invention of wigs the bat
was rarely removed except to salute
others, especially royal personages. It
was worn at table when ladies or per
sons of rank were present. Except
when saluting royalty it was the cus
tom merely to raise the hand to the
hat somewhat after the manner of a
military salute. When it became the
mode to wear a profusion of false hair
the hat was less needed as a protec
tion for the head and was carried un
der the arm.
A retiary was the name ot a Roman
gladiator armed in a peculiar way. lie
wss furnished with a trident and net,
with no more covering than a short
tunic, and with these Implements be
endeavored to entangle and dispatch
his adversary, who was called a secu
tor (from sequl, to follow) and was
armed with a helmet, a shield and a
sword. The name of the first Is pro
nounced as If spelled re-sbi-a-ry, the
accent on the first syllable.
Improving an Euclid.
The Pioneer of Allahabad tells
stories of some "kindergarten" classes
In the English army. Among the defi
nitions given in au examination is one
of a circle peculiarly happy, which
gives a freshness to Euclid. It Is, "A
straight line which starts at a certain
point and gets back to the same point
as quickly as possible."
Thoughts are much greater than
things. They are vital forces and have
endless effects. What yon think today
determines what yon will be iu years
Tommy Ma. can 1 have two pieces
of pie this noon? Ma Certainly. Tom
say. Cot the piece yon have in two.
at a Bargain
One new 2 H. P. Foos Engine,
with pump jack, all complete.
GEO. F. KOHLER
A "Hoodoo" Buddha.
Lady Dorothy Xevi.l iu he. "Renii-nlscein-es
records au example of the
so called "malevolent influence" of an
inanimate object upon the fortunes of
its po.s.'-e.ssors similar to that said to
have been excited by the Hope dhl
uioud. now sunk beneath the waves.
From the day a miniature Buddha
from l'tirma of charming workman
ship entered Iter Iioiim' everything
went amiss. Its installation Iu the
drawing room -was followed by a
perfect avalanche of catastrophes."
Within a week a sou failed in busi
ness. Household pels came to tragic
ends. A favorite pony was suddenly
paralyzed, "and this on the very eve
of au election Iu which it was to as
sist by conveying Conservative voters
to the wll." from which It is inferred
that the Ituddba was uot favorable to
the Tory party. A few days later a
neighboring chimney crashed down
upon a wing of Lady Dorothy's house,
doing much damage. Shortly after
ward the Buddha was sent on loan to
the Indian museum, where, after some
minor disturbances, it settled quietly
down and has since remained.
Postponed Her Bath.
Miss Flora Shaw as correspondent
of the London Times was once travel
ing through Africa In a bullock wag
on. The sun was blazing; the bullocks
were slow; the dust was indescribable.
She was making for a frontier town,
where she anticipated the comforts of
a bath. At the entrance to the place
Miss Sbaw, dead beat, dusty and irri
table, found herself confronted with
the ordeal of -a public reception. The
officials read her a welcome. She was
as civil as she could be. Then she bolt
ed for the hotel. She gave bnt one or
der "Hot water, quick!"
She sat on the edge of the bed and
waited. Some minutes passed. At last
a black servant entered with a tin ves
sel. In which there was something
steaming. Seizing It, Miss Sbaw pour
ed out a milky, odoriferous liquid. She
turned to the servant for an explana
tion. The hotel was very short of water.
As a distinguished guest a point had
been stretched for her. They bad sent
her the water in which the fish bad
just been boiled!
The Victorious One.
An Indianapolis business man was
marooned on election night in 1004 iu
an Illinois 'village, says the Saturday
Evening Post Naturally he was in
terested in the election. He wanted to
find out whether Mr. Roosevelt or Mr.
Parker had won. He began investi
gating and discovered that the tele
phone girl quit at G o'clock and that
the telegraph agent at the station
knocked off work after the evening
train went through, which was rarely
later than C p. m.
At 8 o'clock the landlord shut up
the hotel, telling his guest to take the
room at the head of the stairs when
be was ready to go to bed. No news
was to be bad. and the business man
went to bed, that being all he could do.
Next morning he was awakened by
the heavy tread of boots on the plank
sidewalk. He threw up the window
and asked the passerby. "Say. who
"I was, by beck," replied the man
proudly. "Third term for constable."
The selectiou of the right word to
convey one's meaning is sometimes
more important than the rules of gram
mar. So it appeared to the bridge po
liceman, who is an alert sociological
student. An east side resident of for
eign birth was taken before the mag
istrate in one of the police courts
charged with a trivial offense.
"Tell him be must not do it again.
He Is discharged," the magistrate said
to the policeman on the bridge.
"The judge says you dassent do it
Understand?" almost shouted the po
liceman to the prisoner.
"Hold on, officer; I' didn't dare him
to break the law again. I said 'must
"That's all right, your honor. He
understands what I said bettern be
would what you said." explained the
policeman. And the prisoner seemed
to think so too. New York Sun.
Riding Away With the Bride.
In many of the border counties of
England the quaint old bridal customs
of hundreds of years ago are still In
vogue. The parents carefully abstain
from appearing at the marriage cere
mony, clinging to tbe idea that the
bridegroom still rides away on a foam
ing steed with his bride behind him as
In the good old days. The brides pre
fer the custom to the modern method
of being given away at tbe altar In tbe
Wanted the Preof.
"You look sweet enough to kiss."
ays the impressed man.
"So many gentlemen tell me that"
coyly answers tbe fan girl.
"Ah! That should make yon happy."
"But they merely say that," she re
plies. "They merely tell me tbe facte
In the case and never prove their
Ho Got It.
Eva As we strolled along be wa
gered a box of chocolates that I
couldn't say the word "kiss." Belinda
And did you try? Eva Yes. but be
took tbe word from my very lips.
A Big Shadow.
We are told that tbe "smallest hair
throws a shadow." Aud so it does. It
throws a shadow over your appetite
when you find it In your food. Ex
change. A good deed is never lost He who
sows courtesy reaps friendship, and be
who plants kindness gathers love.
Pew and Its MuRial ef Ten.
The number-four was anciently es
teemed the most perfect of all. being
the arithmetical mean between one
and seven. Oman, the second caliph,
mid, "Four things come not back
the spoken word, tbe sped arrow, the
past life, the neglected opportunity."
In nature there are four seasons and
the four points of tbe compass.
Forty, a multiple of four by ten, is
ne of the sacred numbers. Tbe pro
bation of our first parents in the gar
den of Eden Is supposed to nave been
forty years. Tbe rain fell at tbe del
uge forty days and nights, aud the wa
ter remained on the earth forty days.
Tbe days of emltalming the dead were
forty. Solomon's temple was forty
cubits long. In it were ten la vers,
each four cubits long aud containing
Moses was forty years old when be
fled Into tbe laud of MIdian. where be
dwelt forty years. He was on Mount
Sinai forty days and forty nights. The
Israelites waudered in the wilderness
forty years. The Saviour fasted forty
days and nights before entering upon
public life. The same time elapsed
between tbe resurrection and the as
A Far Look.
Three visitors traveling in the Isle of
Man thought they would visit Snaefcll,
the king of Manx mountains. When
walking up toward tbe mountain they
espied an old shepherd coming toward
them. They thought they would take
a rise out of him. so one accosted him.
"They tell me, old man, you can see
England, Scotland, Ireland and even
as far as America from tbe top of this
"On, yes!" said the old man. "If you
will come with me I will show you
much farther than America."
So, chuckling to themselves, they de
cided to follow him. After trudging
for about half' an hour up the moun
tain side In a boiling sun they began
to feel rather fagged and kept asking
the shepherd how much farther they
had to go.
He kept urging them on a little far
ther until at last tbe three visitors lay
down on the grass and said they would
go no farther for any sight
"Now," said the old man, "If you will
sit here long enough you will see the
Hew Roberts Won the Victoria Cross.
Roberts noted that a sowar of tbe
squadron with which he rode was in
great danger from a sepoy with a fixed
bayonet The contest of sword agalust
bayonet would nave ended disastrous
ly had not Roberts intervened and dis
posed of the bayonet That was barely
done when be noticed In the distance
two sepoys fleeing with a standard.
He galloped after tbe rebels and over
took them, and then he had a close
fight for the possession of tbe stand
ard. He cut down Its chief bearer.
While wrenching tbe staff from the
man's grasp with both his hands the
other sepoy turned bis musket on him
and fired. Tbe muzzle was within a
few Inches of Roberts' person, aud
there would certainly have been an
end of him bad not the musket refused
to go off. As it was, be rode away
unhurt with tbe standard, and for
those two courageous and gallant acts
in close succession Roberts got tbe
Victoria cross. Cobban's "Life of
The Cows of Muscat.
Muscat is famed as tbe hotbed of
smugglers in tbe Persian gulf, tbe
nearby desert tribes being regularly
supplied with arms despite the efforts
of the British patrol. But to tbe writ
er, reared on a Missouri farm, tbe odd
antics of tbe cows of Muscat seemed
nothing short of freakish. They actu
ally eat fish. No grass grows, so tbe
wily Arab teaches his family cow to
subsist on dates and dried fish. The
milk tastes queer to a foreigner,
which Is probably why the Arab likes
It He also claims it Is richer and
makes more butter, but most ridicu
lous of all Is tbe deception practiced
on cows when the calves are "wean
ed." A calfskin or sometimes a goat
skin Is stuffed with rags and tied not
far from where the mother cow is an
chored. This effigy of her late lament
ed offspring soothes her nerves and
keeps her from "going dry." according
to Arabic tradition. San Francisco
A Surprised Lion.
The man eating lions did not always
get their own way. Five Sikh carpen
ters made a staging eight feet high,
and on this they fixed their sleeping
tent Each night they ascended by
means of a ladder, which they drew
up after them. They were warned
that It was not high enough, but were
content to believe that God was all
powerful. One night they left the
edge of the ladder projecting beyond
the end of the staging. A hungry man
eater on the prowl observed this and.
thinking he could not find a meal
more conveniently elsewhere, deter
mined to try how a carpenter tasted.
Calculating his spring, be leaped light
ly on to the projecting ladder, which,
unfortunately for him, instantly tipped
up and toppled over, both falling heav
ily to tbe ground. The lion bolted; so
did all the men. making for the near
est trees. From "In the Grip of the
Nyika," by Colonel J. H. P. Patterson.
A Test ef Friendship.
A gentleman tried the following pe
culiar way of probing tbe ties of
friendship. He sent letters to twenty
four intimate friends asking for a ioau
sf a pound. Thirteen of tbe two dozen
friends did not reply at all. five de
clined to lend the money, two prom
ised to send it on tbe next day and did
not do it, one sent bis "last 10 shil
lings," and only three sent tbe full
sum asked for. Tbe supplicant and
all tbe "friends" he bad written to are
well off. London Mail.
The Girl You're not a bit like a
lover. You never say pretty things. The
Man Didn't 1 say that you looked like
a beautiful autumn leaf? Tbe Girl
Well, don't autumn leaves want press-lng?-lllustrated
His Bad Break.
"How did you enjoy tbe musicale?"
"Ob, I applauded at tbe wrong time,
as usual! Thought the orchestra tun
fag up was a classical number." -Kansas
TVf ANY homes should have better bath
"' than they now have. We have
tned not only to do better,,
plumbing than we ever did A
before, but better than any
body else can do. The vol
ume of work we are now
doing shows how we are suc
ceeding. We use only genuine 'Jtmlmrtr
plumbing fixtures and employ only
experienced workmen. Our repair
ing service is prompt and reliable.
A. DU&SBLL & SON,
Oswald's friends were always on hs
lookout for some ruse. He ci-e noti
fied them that on New Year's lay he
should get the best of them all iu some
joke, aud New Year's morning encli
received this notice, "ltemember."
They were on their guard.
As they were leaving a bouse where
they had breakfasted Oswaid slipped
on tbe steps and fell on his back on
tbe sidewalk. His friends rushed to
his assistance, but paused before they
"This is his ruse," some one said.
Clearly the man who was so proud
of his talent for mimicry was bent on
deceiving them all Into thinking him
a dying man, for be lay there moan
ing pitifully, bis face drawn and twist
ed as if with terrible pain.
His friends stood around and made
jokes and puns and hummed lines of
comic songs, assuring hiin ail tbe
while that they were not deceived by
bis acting. At last he gave a hoarse.
mournful cry, looked at them sadly
and then ceased to moan or writhe.
In a never to be forgotten moment of
horror and sorrow his friends realized
that Oswald was dead. "Souvenirs
d'un VIeux Llbraire."
Caught the Old Sailor.
It was a clever lawyer In a Boston
court who took advantage of the nau
tical knowledge he possessed to work
upon the mind of a juryman who did
not seem to show much comprehension
of a case of suing a street railway for
The dull member was au old sailor,
who, though doubtless very keeu of
perception along some lines, was nev
ertheless rather slow in his under
standing of the points involved iu the
case being tried, says the New York
Journal. The lawyer noticed this and
made his strike with this particular
man. Approaching the jury box. he
addressed himself to this one juryman
"Mr. Juryman. I will tell you how It
happened. The plaintiff was iu com
mand of the outward bound open car
and stood iu her starboard chauuels.
Along came the inward bound closed
car, and just as their bows met she
jumped the track, sheered to port and
knocked the plaintiff off and rau over
The sailor was all attention after
this version of the affair aud joined
in a $5,000 verdict for the injured
The Clinching Argument.
A young man representing a well
known make of motorcar had culled,
discussed intelligently tbe points of
the automobile he was endeavoring to
sell, had given a flawless demons ra
But the prospective amateur motor
ist before mortgaging bis house still
wanted to be thoroughly convinced,
and so he said: "What you suy about
your car may be all right. The en
gine runs very nicely, and it looks
good to me, but tell me one thing
have you ever sold any of these cars
to your own personal friends?"
The salesman smiled. 'Have I?
Why, three months ago 1 was engaged
to a girl, and I sold oue of these iden
tical cars to my prospective father-in-law!"
"Did you marry tbe girl?"
"Yes, Indeed! I've now got the girl.
a contented father-in-law aud an en
thusiastic customer as well."
He made the sale. Life.
Mules and Kindness.
"In the fifteen years that I have
been connected with societies for the
prevention of cruelty to animals iu
this and other cities I never have re
ceived a complaint alleging cruelty tc
a mule." said the humane looking
man. "That Immunity of mules from
harsh treatment Is an interesting que
tion. Why are they immune? Thert
are plenty of mules, even iu New
York. Does nobody beat them? Does
nobody underfeed them? If not, whj
not? Does a mule show such a de
elded ability for taking care of him
self that bis owner is afraid to abuse
him, or do men beat mules and escape
punishment because the persons wbc
witness the beating think it is only a
mule and not worth bothering about
What is tbe explanation of that phase
of the mule question anyhow?" New
BBr j fcBBUBBfBBBBBBBJkBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB
- -NjgSBSSnSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSKBBSJSJSSST '
Hfc3dBsM& wim3 'AHmKKB
There was a day when I'uderewski's
English was not liucnt. One evening
lefore a choice company In his ele
gant apartments in New York he was
showing a few highly Mattered callers
how to do this-, that and t'other uu the
keys of his :r.iml piano, explaining In
bad English as he went. Of course the
man was present who is ever ready to
supply a word when a speaker hesi
tates. The famous artist. landiug with
both bauds as if he had just dropped
from the ceiHicr. exclaimed. "Harmo
ny!" AH applauded the perfect con
cord. He shot down again like a trip
hammer and would have exclaimed
again, but the word refused to come.
"What you call-er-er "Discord."
put In the supplier of words. Paderew
ski's hair stood straight out, and bis
face was white and red with auger.
Jumping up from the stool, he sput
tered: "Deescort! No! With me a
deescort Iss cempossihle!" He would
not be icrsiiadcd to touch tbe instru
ment aguiu that night. The uninten
tional Insult struck deep.
No Sense of Humor.
"Fog Eye'' Smith of northwest Wyo
ming bore an appalling facade. Hi.-:
style of beauty was a blight. Depend
ing upon his horrific exterior, be was
in the habit of trying to awe uewcom
ers. On oue occasion, affecting some
displeasure at the manner In which
a pallid stranger watered his liquor.
Mr. Smith announced, frowning, that
unless he detected Immediate amend
ment he would send the neophyte
home iu u market basket. "Which I'll
sure tear you up a whole lot." said
Fog Eye. Half an hour later Mr. Fog
Eye was found groping about on the
floor under the poker table huntiug
for his glass eye and muttering to him
self. The stranger asked with some
evidence of Impatience what new line
of sentiments Mr. Smith was now bar
tering. That injured resident, glar
ing malevolently from beneath the fur
niture, replied, "Which I Mire do hate
a man with no sense of humor."
Origin of "Watered Stock."
The expression "watered stock."
which describes so well the expansion
of the stock of a company beyond the
value of the property, originated, it i
sald. In connection with Daniel Drew,
who was once the wealthiest and most
unique manipulator In Wall street
Drew bad been u drover In bis youugei
days, and It was said of him that be
fore selling his cattle In the market he
would first give them large quantities
of salt to make them thirsty and then
provide them with all the water the.,
could drink. In this way their weight
was greatly increased, and the pur
chaser, was buying "watered stock."
"I despise a hypocrite." says Boggs.
"So do I," says rioggs. "Now. takt
Knoggs, for example, ile's the biggest
hypocrite on earth. I despite thai
"But you appear t be his best
"Ob. yes. I trj- to appear friendlv
toward him. It pays better In the end.'
The Final Transaction.
"Father." said little IJoIIo. "what is
the ultimate consumer?"
"He is the last person, my son. that
an article reaches in Its commercial
"I know what you mean. He's a
mau who goes into a hotel and order
chicken hash." Washington Star.
"Some men are so queer!"
"And you are going to tell me of out
particularly queer oue."
"Yes. It's Mr. Barberton. His wift
used to beg him for nickels and dimes
and now he's cheerfully paying her c
hundred a week for alimony." Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
"Whitcomh is an independent think
"Yes; he even dares to say the clock
In tbe railroad station Is wrong."
Troubles must come to all men. but
those who are always looking fot
them will have the largest share.
y. BBBt' tj
Uliiimiijii. itii i in 1 1 1. r nil1!--- - " I ' ""f .......