v!'70 sCl BPK2T SftS TSSPPTTSS'- n-. , gpJtc-.yg.- - s . .'v.y jfe" "liis fv?p:Mvi?wB 4 v Suspicious. The father of Judge W. H. Wadhanw bad a chicken-coop and a dog and a stable band. It began to look to Mr Wadbams as though some one had dis covered the combination. So he kept the coop and the stable hand, but he got a new dog. Next day the bent old negro who groomed the Wad hams' horses came to him. "You los' you affection foh me, boss?" he asked. 'No, Scipio," said Mr. Wadhams. "I like you as well as ever." "Then," said Scipio, peevishly, "w'yn't you tie Old Rover in do chicken-coop, 'stid of dat new dorg?" Comparative Honors. First Freshman Prexie has asked me to dinner next Sunday. Second Freshman That's nothing. The football captain just bowed to me. Yale Record. Nebraska Directory If you wish to be Cured of Constipation Use Uncle Sam Breakfast Food A delightful food made from wheat and flax na ture's own remedy. Ask j'our grocer He Certainly Knows KODAK FINISHING SSa,3 attention. All snjipliot. for the Amateur strictly frchh.Seud for catalogue nnd finishing prices. THE ROBERT DEMPSTER CO.. Box 1197. Omaha. Neb. I HE PAX I UN Earopean Plai Booms from Si. 00 tip Maple. 75 cento up double. CAFE PRICES REASONABLE TYPEWRITERS fib. hi to H WrrV vrlcc Cash or time lT nientK. IScnUvl.rentapplIen. Werlilp nj "cro i or ireo examination. Io de a.lL U'rilerorbicbiriUDliitindotlrr L.IJiuka27 Wsodmaa Bldc.Oiaaba, Jin j ou want iik Hi it Corn aliellcr made? If&u. insist on having a MARSEILLES CORN SHELLER Write for catalog or see yonr local dealer. JOHN LEERE PLOW CO., OMAHA Sold by tho JVnt Dealer. Wo will Bend to pnrlta teachers on receipt of I5cts.Ia siamiis. a 15-lscli. hirfl msplctmssed-cdrclo. JOHN G. WOODWARD & CO.The Candy Men"CouncilBluffa, la. Ufrifa for full informa- IllllC i l'Uno l'luerx. I'lajer and Piano Music Vaj l'a men. a, tVholevalu -ko l.uinll. DZJtun di avcd nn 120so.1ethst.ow I KIIIU IL.nll.ll UUi BittsBSbr Omaha MILLARD HOTEL I3tb and Ojoglas St. American S2.00 per day and upwards. European SI.OO par day and upwards. nil mi Take Dodge Street Car UmAnH at Union Depot. ROME MILLER DR. McGREW CO. SPEGIALiSTSIFai Fee When for MEM & WOMEH Cured Established In Omaha 27 Years Investigate oar success, reliability, hon est and honorable dealing and office where the sick are treated and cured. All ailments, no matter how acquired. Write for FREE Symptom Blank, Elim ination and Consultation. 215 S. 14th St., Omaha, Neb.0! POSITIVELY CURES ALCOHOLIC INEBRIETY OPIUM MORPHINE c Wuf f J AND OTHER DRUG ADDICTIONS. THIRTY YEARS of contlnnom, success, rrintol matter sent in plain cnrclope upon request. All cor respondence btrictljr confidential. TBE KEELEY NSTITUTE Cor. Tvvn.ty-Fifta nnd Cass SU, OJIAIIA. NEB. Fer! f drRnrrHr:2-p&c cat- GLEANING LnLj!s. it lll teU TOU tlC tHRSlHlUcS Of HUtL -- llib !- &HG DYEING Klbbcns, Rlores, tram. necktlea. planjfs. cor ects. ullppom. eklrts. rc'.'.K, overcoats, anpora rugs, bath robes, znaurcsscs, blanLts pillows, silk underwear, parasols, feather boas, tndfo' Vx!o paraphernalia, billiard table covers, laonbodsrrrads. mniTs. fur rugs and mount ings. l-i;sns. sweaters, hat, bath rugs, oriental rue-, fancy work, stand covers, carnage robes, parly dtvwes. opera coat, laco curtains, faficr vests. sh.Mis.ihiKerie. men's suits, cushions, belt and liser mats. suhcs and hucdredsof other things, We have the largest cleanirganddrcingestab ll,lmem lnthawest. 10000 feet of floor space: ca pacity.:! aKfccannenrs per day. Members Katiimi,; Association of Cleaners and Dyers. Kzpressaco paidouu way to any point in U.S. Call or write J. C. WOOD A CO. 13Z2 N Street 1521 Howanf Street Ucaaln. Nebraska Owaha. Nebraska For Asthma, Bronchitb and all Throat Troubles Take TK TCST Kt YW (gMKlI The relief is as qukk as k certain. Pleasant to tale and guaranteed absdulely free from opiates. AH Drezswts. 25' fi y HAT BALTIC BLACK V f I) IWTy h ifejii'Ss1- ' Jy m 'iiii fS i m& MkFgRtttt&gRrA PI r w- BV ' iff RBk. IM3 FtRNMSl. aW -!tslwMAMA, NsP J fv IllllC tiouonVICTOR M tCHINCS AND RECOKOs. Indestru If V ciable Cylinder Ri-cords. I Wiif -VCar I'iniio IMniers Cieilian UM. V CIIPE I BETZVIHE Aunt Rhinocolura Betz and Fido s y T44 T JDV JLtlllS JtaifOT DUZLGr. Atdhor of "Pigs is PidsT -Etc; EJLU5TRATED By Aunt Rhinocolura Betz is known "" uiii cuu ui IU1B UUUUlj IU LUC Jther as the social leader of Betz rille, and this is not because she is listinguished by having the only auto matic cork leg in the village, but be :ause she cannot bear to see anyone mhappy. She spends her life in mak ing people happy, and that is why her sink teas are so talked about If a lostess had no more life than a corpse ler social functions are apt to re semble a funeral. One reason Aunt Rhinocolura was jo fond of her dog Fido was because le was such a happy dog, and every norning he would come to her bed side and wag his tail, and at a single arord from Aunt Rhinocolura he would un and bring her cork leg, wagging lis tail all the time. Everyone loved Fido, because he was so cheerful and men a continuous tail-wagger. When-j-er things got a little slow at Aunt Rhinocolura's social functions, she svould send out for Fido, and the 'ho!e gang of society ladies and gents nrould sit around and watch Fido wag lis tail. About a month ago a change came jver Fido. Aunt Rhinocolura awoke ne morning and Fido was not at her aedside. She thought this strange, jut she hopped on one foot to where icr cork leg reposed, and put it on md dressed, and then went to find His Tail Did Not Wag Fido Wagged. Fido, but when she found him he did aot seem like the same dog. He jprnrg at her with an angry growl, md bit her on the leg, and might have njured her severely, had it been the )thcr leg. As it was, he made sev eral ugly dents in the leg. All that lay Fido was as ugly tempered as fa 'her on picture-hanging day, and did lothing but sneak around and growl aitterly and show his teeth, and dur ng the day he bit eight different so cial callers in eight different places i thing he had never done before. Aunt Rhinocolura saw that if this tept on she would cease to be a so :ial leader, the society ladies and rents of Betzville having, as a rule, ".ender calves, so she sent for Uncle shdod Clute, who knows as much ibout degs as he knows about any :hing. As soon as Fido had bitten Uncle shdod on the leg. Uncle Ashdod saw :hat Fido was not the dog he had jeen, and made careful inquiries of unt Rhinocolura, and found that, as xe suspected all along, Fido had never j ost his cheerful manner as long as le wagged his tail. To prove that this vas the case. Uncle Ashdod took hold jf Fido's tail and wagged it back and forth and Fido immediately dropped his lavage manner and smiled sweetly, so :o speak. When he saw this Uncle shdod shook his head and said it xras too bad, but Fido had a clear case if posterior sceorosis, or induration of e wag joint of the tail, and that it lad gone so far that nothing could je done for it. He explained that sceorosis of the wag joint in a dog lad the same effect that sceorosis of the liver had on a man, tending to nake him peevish and grouchy. He said the wag of the tail was the ;mi!e of a dog. When Aunt Rhinocolura heard ;his she wept for six minutes, and her jtate might have settled into one of )ermanent melancholy, but Aunt Rhin colura is not built that way. Attiie seventh minute she spruced up, and said that science was all very well, jut she guessed she got along with an irtificial leg about as well as most 3eople did with a genuine one, and that if her Fido couldn't have a nat 11 al wag to his tail she would see .hat he was put into a hanpj- state of nind by supplying him with an arti iciai wag. She said Arlo" Wiggins, iie Betzville Mechanic, had mended mm lA V Noted Civil War Hero Dead Gen. Gilman, Who Ordered First Shot Fired in Big Strife, Expires Aged 79. Gen. Jeremiah H. Gilman, U. S. A., retired, who was credited with having ordered the first rifle shot fired in the civil war, died recently at Manhattan Beach, N. Y., after an illness of two months. He was 79 years old. Gen. Gilman was graduated from West Point in 1856. On the outbreak of the civil war, Lieut Gilman, with Lieut Slemmer and 70 soldiers be longing to Company G of the First United States artillery, held Fort Pickens, which was located on an is land and commanded the entrance to the harbor of Pensacola, Fla. It is asserted that the first rifle shot in the war was fired by Lieut Oilman's order when seven confeder ate soldiers tried to pass the pickets at night and failed. Later Fort Sumter fell, but Fort Pickens held oat, although it was stormed by 5,000 confederates, uatil TAEES kuM 1 -d- PETER NEWELL the second speed differential of her cork leg the time she broke it, and she guessed he could rig up a wag if he was put at it When Arlo rightly understood what was wanted he went to work with pleasure, and in less than a week he built an artificial tail-wagger that was a pleasure to see. As soon as the wagger vas at tached Arlo took the crank and wound the spring, and Fido immedi ately began to wag. His tail did not wag, Fido wagged. You see, the spring was so strong, and the gear ing of the wagger was so high, that the tail wagged the dog. Probably a dog is as happy when the tail is wagging the dog as when the dog is wagging the tail, for u is a poor rule that does not work both ways, but it was hard to see whether Fido was happy or not, he wagged so rapidly. It was easy to see the tail, for that remained quite immobile, but Fido wagged at the rate of about 5,000 wags a minute, and all one could see of him was a sort of streak, as he wagged back and forth. He wagged as rapidly as a humming-bird's wing, only more so. Such vivid wagging was never seen in Betzville. Arlo was more than pleased. He said this proved that the tail-wagger was a great success, and that all that was necessary was to put the wagger on the tail and attach the grabber or clutch to the dog, and then rip up some sort of governor or fly wheel to control the speed, and the thing would be perfect. In about half an hour Aunt Rhino colura suggested that it might be a good thing to stop the wagger a min ute or so, to let Fido get a breath, but Arlo shook his head. He said he had not put any kind of stopper on the wagger, and it would have to just simply run down. He said, as near as he could figure, the spring was a good spring and would run down in about three clays, but Aunt Rhinocolura said she hardly thought Fido would wag that long without wagging his head off. Just then there was a sound like a bone breaking, aud when Arlo looked closely he saw that it was indeed a bone that bad broken. Fido had wagged off his tail right where the sceorosis was. Fido wagged on for three days more, and when the wagger ran down it was found that the constant wag ging had stretched his neck to three and a half feet, and he was so tired he lay down and did nothing but pant for upward of IS hours, and then he took a full breath and panted 17 hours more. When Arlo examined the tail he found it was as good as ever, except for being loose from the dog, and he reversed the automatic wagger, and the tail did very well. Of course, as a usual thing, it is bet ter to have the tail permanently at tached to the dog, to avoid possible loss, but for wagging in an automatic wagger a detached tail is as good as any, so long as it can wag and keep the dog happy. (Copyright. 1903. by W. G. Chapman.) A WAITING GAME. An old gentleman, rather portly, and clad in a somewhat youthful suit of light gray flannel, sat on a bench in the park enjoying the spring day. "What's the matter, sonny?" he asked a small urchin who lay on the grass just across the walk and stared intently at him. "Why don't you go and play?" "Don't want ter," the boy replied, carelessly. "But it Is not natural," the old gen tleman insisted, "for a boy to be so quiet Why don't you run about?" "Oh, I'm just waitin," the little fel low answered. "I'm ust waitin' till you get up. A man painted that bench about 15 minutes ago." Sketchy Bits. Heard at the Minstrel Show. Tambo Can yo' all tell me de dif ference 'twixt egg an a cabbage, Mis tah Bones? Bones Ah shore can, Mistah Tam bo, Ah ain't done bin on de stage 14 yeahs for nothin'. His Finish. Visitor (at insane asylum) And who is the poor unfortunate in the padded cell? Attendant Oh, he's the chap who started at the beginning of the sea son to keep the scores and percent ages of the various baseball associa tions. What He Missed. Miss Peachley Do you believe in coeducation, Mr. Huggins? Mr. Huggins Indeed I do. I shall never forgive myself for neglecting to take a postgraduate course at Vassar. reinforcements arrived by the fleet from New York. The union admiral and navy yard at Pensaloca surren dered to Gen. Bragg, but it was of nc use to the confederate army because Fort Pickens commanded the en trance to the harbor and was the only fortification south of Mason and Dix on's line that did not surrender. President Lincoln appointed Capt Gilman chief of the United States ar tillery of the Army of the Cumber land, with which he took part in most of the leading battles of the war. At the battle of Pittsburg Landing he was wounded in the leg and brevetted major and afterward colonel. Upon the war's close, Col. Gilman was appointed assistant commissary general at Washington and served for many years, until he was retired, un der the age limit November 11, 1895. Well Called Human Ant Heap. . It is figured that a million and a quarter persons pass in and out oi London each day? A GREAT ANNOYANCE. Kidney Disease Shows Many Painful and Unpleasant Symptoms. George S. Crowell, 1109 Broadway. Helena, Mont, says: "I was troubled with a disordered condition of the kid neys, some backache; and irregular pass ages of secretions. At times I was obliged to get up out of bed at night, and the urine was unnatural in appearance. On the advice of a friend I procured Doan's Kidney Pills and began using them. This remedy helped me at once, strengthened my kidneys and corrected the disordered condi tion." Remember the name Doan's. Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box, Foster Uilburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. CERTAIN DEATH. Hilda Would you lay down your life for me? Harold Glady, dearest Hilda Then go and tell father of our engagement CUT THIS OUT. Recipe That Breaks a Cold in a Day and Cures Any Curable Cough. "Mix half ounce of Concentrated pine compound with two ounces of glycerine and half a pint of good whiskey; shake well each time and use in doses of a tcaspoocful to a ta blespoonful every four hours." These ingredients can be obtained from any good druggist or he will get them from his wholesale house. . The Concentrated pine is a special pine product and conies only in half ounce bottles, each enclosed in an air tight case, but be sure it is labeled "Concentrated." Honor Where Hcnor Is Due. First Golfer Well done, old chap! That's the longest ball I've been you drive yet! Second Golfer I'm afraid the credit's not all mine. A beast of a wasp touched me up in the middle of my swing. Punch. The next time you feel that swallowing sensation, the bure sign of sore thioat, gargle Hamlins Wizard Oil immediately with three parts v.-aicr. It will save you days and perhaps weeks of misery. Bridge. Miss Cheatham I believe I shall have to give up bridge. Miss Franlt Really? Wasn't the game worth the scandal? rOB BEEP-SEATKD COLDS and cogens. Allen's LunR Balsam cures when all other remedies tail. This old reliabK- inedicmo has lieen sold for ocr4U years. 2dc.0c.S1.u01oUIcs. All dealers. Crude. "This is crude," said John D. as he tasted oil in the milk. Cornell Widow. Remedies are Needed Were we perfect, which we ere not, medicines would not often be needed. Dut 6ince our systems have bo come weakened, impaired and broken down through indiscretions which have gone oa from the early oges, through countless generations, remedies are needed to aid Nature in correcting our inherited and otherwise acquired weaknesses. To reach the seat of stomach weakness and consequent digestive troubles, there is nothing so good as Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discov ery, a glyceric compound, extracted from native medio inal roots sold for over forty years with great satisfaction to all users. For Weak Stomach, Biliousness, Liver Complaint, Pain in the Stomach after earing. Heartburn, Bad Breath, Belching of food, Chronic Diarrhea and other Intestinal Derangements, the "Discovery" is a timoproven and most efficient remedy. The genuine has on Its outside wrapper the Signature Yon can't afford to accept a secret nostrum as a substitute for this non-alcoholic, medicine op known courosmoN, not even though the urgent dealer may thereby make a little bigger profit. Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets regulate and invigorate stomach, liver and bowels. Sugar-coated, tiny granules, easy to take as caadv. WearW. L. Douglas comfort- aoie,easy walking, common sense shoes. A trial will convince any one that W. L. Douglas shoes shape, fit better longer than other makes. They are made of tho best leathers, by the most ski uea workmen, in all the latest fashions, shoes in every style and men in all walks RAHTinil I genuine have W.1V, unui iwii Douglas name and price stamped on bottom, which guarantees full value and protects the wearer against huh prices and inferior shoes. TARt HO SUBSTITUTE. mm steady: TWIITEi UGHT' PUTNAM ifelgg!g.Wti.Oa mmtecHnMUthtn. Un4nm cM water aer ttaw awy after dw. iwtivasftjatart. Writlilrwswldat llswtaata.Wawaaaa.ituCstsrs. MQMmOE DHUa OQ. Qmlmmy. Ultmmtm. GOING UP! ' City ways were not altogether new to him, but, as he waited at the eleva tor shaft in one of Omaha's large of flee buildings, he said to his com panions. "Well, I'll be hanged if that isn't a boater." "Why, what?" "Just look at that confounded rail road advertising on an Omaha eleva tor UP! What won't they do next?" His companion replied, "Sh , Sh , those letters mean up." When I see that word, this jingle always comes to my mind: Whenever the little word up you see. Think of Safety, Speed, Service via U. P. You will see that word at almost every passenger elevator in the coun try, but before you leave for the West, be sure to buy your ticket via "The Safe Road to Travel." The School Lunch and Dyspepsia. It is very important that the meal eaten at recess be a warm one, and whenever possible it should be pre pared and eaten at home. Until a child is 10 or 12 years old it must have its dinner or principal meal of the day at noon. The rest of the household may dine in the evening, but for the youngster so heavy a re past near bedtime is certain to be deleterious. A bundle of cold sand wiches will not serve as a substitute for the midday dinner, for the child needs not only warm, home-cooked food, but also the walk home, the bit of play on the way and the hour's forgetf ulness of lessons. Leonard Kecne Hirshberg, M. D., in the Delineator. Occasionally a schoolgirl Is so ro mantic that she imagines all poetry should be printed in italics. Mrs. "Wlnalow's Soothing Sjrnp. For children teething, softens the gums, rodueen Jn Qai&nution,iill3yBials,curcswladcUc. 23cuuott!e. A man likes a giggling girl about as well as he does a crying baby. Smokers find Lewis' Single Binder 5c cigar better quality tlian most 10c cigars. Lots of garrulous people make a specialty of saying nothing. 'Guir5 Turlock Irrigation District of California OPPORTUNITIES Unsurpassed. A-l land. ABUNDANT WATER at low rate. Healthful Climate. Everything Grows. Strawberries at Christmas. No Shelter Neecssarv for htock on coldest dav or nisnt. The DAIRYMAN'S PAR ADISE. Write for I EXUSTRATED BOOKLET. Dept B. TURLOCK BOARD OF TRA0E. Turlock. Cat toPWoHD mrw held tneir and wear upon honor. shape to suit of life. ItfifiTI.'tOTn HS t5?sB3s?2j THSfSaKal!! Tbe RAYO LAMP is . high-er.de lamp, sold at low price. Tnete arelaaps that cost more,but there is no better Umpat any price. The Bonier, the Wick, ttte Chimney-Holder dl are vital thinn, aa lamp; these pans of the RAYO LAMP are perfectly constructed and there n nothing known ia the art of lamp-making that could add to the value of the RAYO as a Itght-ghrmg device. Suitable for any room ia any house. Rrerjr dealer everywhere. If not at yours, .write for dcscrlpUre circular to the nearest Agency of the STANDARD OIL COMPANY (Incorporated) FADELESS DYES More Economical than the Cheap and -and MUCH BETTER WhlT? Because Calumet Baking Powder is more certain in its results the baking is always lighter, more delicious and more evenly raised. You never nave a spoiled Datcn cr baking by its use. It requires less hence goes further. CALUMET BAKING POWDEIt IS the "full ralue" baking powder the highest quality Inking powder at a medium price. And we guarantee that it will give yon more real satisfaction than any leaking pow der you have ever used ask your grocer. Free large handsome recipe book, illustrated in colors. Send 4c and slip foaod in pound can. CiImtRKshwiNf. hast Awar WerM's The Wizard of Horticulture Hon. Lather Bin-bank says: "Delicious is a gem the finest apple in all the world. It is the best in quality of any apple I have so far tested," and Mr. Burbank knows. Delicious is but one of the hundreds of good things in Stark Trees the good things you should know about before you plant this fall or next spring. Let us tell you about them by writing today for our complete, illustrated price list-catalogue which describes our complete line of fruit trees, ornamentals, etc Wanted-A Bright, Capable Man in each county of this state to sell Stark Trees on commission. No previous ex perience necessary. The work is pleasant, clean work, highly profitable, and tho positions are permanent to the right men. who apply immediately. Many of our salesmen are earning S50 to S80 per month and expenses; some are making more. You can do as well or better if you'ro a hustler and trying to succeed. No investment called for; we furnish complete order-getting outfit free and the most liberal contract For complete information address the Sales Manager of STARK BRO'S NURSERIES & ORCHARDS CO.. LOUISIANA. MO. The Favorite Paxtcn's Gas Roast ed is composed of five choice coffees blended to suit you. Quickly roasted and packed in air-tight cans it is as fragrant and fresh as when taken from the roaster. 2 lb. Red 25c per Pound nt When Cold wpaBHaiaaaWHBaaaaaaB LaaiMMaaaaaaaaaa When cold winds blow, biting frost is in the air and back-draughts down the chimney deaden the fires, then the PERFECTION Oil Heater (Equipped with Smokeless Device) shows its sure heating power by steadily supplying just the heat that is needed for comfort. The Perfection Oil Heater is unaffected by weather conditions. It never fails. No smoke no smell just a genial, satisfying beat. The new Automatic Smokeless Device prevents the wick being turned too high. Removed in an instant. Solid brass font holds 4 quarts of oil sufficient to give oa a glowing heal for 9 hours solid brass wick carriers damper top cool handle oil indicator. Heater beautifully finished in nickel or japan in a variety of styles. Every Dealer Everywhere. If Xot At Yonrs. Write for DescripttTO to the Nearest Agency of tbe STANDARD OIL COMPANY (.acorporated) A Few Acres In California In one of the rich valleys along the line of the Union Pacific Southern Pacific mean a comfortable living, an as sured future and money in the bank. For complete and reliable information get our illustrated booklets on Cali forma land. Call on or address E. L. LOMAX, C P. A Omaha, Neb. 090) DEFIMCECcId Water Starch Bakes laundry work a pleasure. 18oz.pkjf.l0c PATENTS g.falf HI M.WM1 ioitoo.D.U. Books tree, libel a.. O i .-1 . l0- 47-19i.9. T caatja Big Can Kind JtTMaKin Pars Fee. I of the West Paxton Coffee means better breakfasts and the whole day will go better. Try it and see. Cans. Your Grocer's. Winds Blow PapeHlttgers & hattri Ton east wnj Increase joavtasiaasswltk aw as. tra Inreatznent by elline Asm r ss Frlsa Wallpaper. w wast ob food works la sack ieinitT. and to the- first wortLy aapllcaat will ana FUEL, by prepaid esprea. flva laraw triwglT books faowiDKS3SOJD0iaLOe WaflpaBcraMcst tor customer to select from. We oCer liberal prota mi gar itprmbuutcbi ADSwerqwraiy was yaw tfce acencr in yrmr vlciaiCf fcrlSEL amrea mn ,i . m ssa WaWaam Aa DEFIANCE STUM for atarcbl&a jJ a? Jy m irrsaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasW amj aiJCT "asaaaaaaaa iOMsssHssssssssssssiBsssssssssI B& "Essssssssss JLftsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssU H'aHsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssTT