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About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (May 26, 1909)
, i W' Vnigy?-. ., ri :o? --- ISSii The Fipe: if , i' v r $' Merry Moments With Humorists Fixing the By William It was a cold day for Mr. Yapper son when he got home after office hours, for his wife had spoken to him in the morning about the furnace. She met him as he came blustering up stairs. She 'was not as cheerful as he was. On the contrary she was pos itively blue with cold. She had a rug around her shoulders. "Gee. Susan," he puffed, "what's the matter? You look as though you were a carpet peddler." Mrs. Yapperson did not go Into roars of laughter over this joke. "I'm frozen, that's what's the mat ter." she replied coldly. "You've got to go down and fix that furnace." "I thought it was all right when I left it this morning," ho explained, with an air of confidence not justified by the facts as Mrs. Yapperson was acquainted with them. "I know you did," she said; "but what do you knov, about a furnace? You don't know enough to think when it Is right or wrong." "Tut, tut. Susan." he soothed her, "don't talk like that." "Don't tut, tut me, Mr. Yapperson." she snapped. "You seem to think freezing is a pleasure." "But I'm not cold, Susan," he ar gued. "Well. I won't bandy words with a person as disagreeable and ca!ou as you are," she exclaimed. "There is Jim Wit ham9 s By Hugh Aged Irad Biglow's face grew dole ful as he realized his cousin had har nessed the horse preparatory to tak ing him and his old trunk away. And he could think of no haven ready to receive him. "Wal, Irad. the wagon is waiting for your trunk." stiffly informed Edgar. Irad sighed. If he could but remain a few days. "Jim Witham is the luck iest man I ever see," he mused. Edgar sneered bitterly. ".He's been gitting a monopoly on some more northern lights, eh? A monopoly no one else can git till winter, with you breaking the newsy secret in June. I don't caie to listen to any more money making schemes. Trunk is ready." "Theie was a time limit on the northern lights deal," winced Irad. "However, I won't bother you no more with Jim's good luck- Now, we'll fetch the trunk." Edgar bit a straw and leaned sullen ly against a post. "I guess he's wel come to it. Up at the north pole, prob'ly." The old man turned from the door and mildly corrected: "o, nothing with winter or long distances in it. Only a secret of growing cotton." "Cotton?" muttered Edgar, sinking to the step. "Is he going south?" "No," listlessly replied Irad. "Jest going to grow it on his farm over in Porter. Will you take the hind end of the trunk?" "Let the trunk wait a bit. It's too hot jest now," frowned Edgar. "How can a man grow cotton in the state of Maine?" "You can't grow it in northern soil," slowly replied Irad, gratefully resum ing his chair. "Wal, dod rot it! What d'ye mean? You said I'll, take the hind end of the trunk." Irad rose. "Of course you can't grow cotton up here in the soil. That's where Jim's secret and fortune comes In." "What in sin You don't pretend Jim's going to grow it in a hothouse Hie early garden truck?" gasped Ed gar, sitting. "He's going to grow it on trees," whispered Irad. "Trees!" mumbled Edgar, mopping his brow. "Apple tre2s." murmured Irad. "How in Sam' Hill Why wal, can't you explain?" stuttered Edgar. "Wait till I come back from Free man's. Besides, it's Jim's secret.',' "You seem in a awful hurry to quit here" cried Edgar. "Ain't this place home-like?" "Why, yes, Edgar," sighed the old man. "Then don't be in a rush to git-away. I guess you can stand it the week out Lawd! if you had your way you'd stay a night, aad then skedaddle. You don't leave here till Saturday. That's settled. Now, what about Jim Witham?" Irad coughed gently and explained: "Jim is going to graft cotton onto his Bound to Make a Blunder Elderly Lady Meant Well but Evi dently This Was One of Her Unlucky Days. - . The daughters of a certain charm ing old lady in- Washington are fre quently much upset by the odd social blunders of their parent, whose fail ings in this respect are. however, more than offset by her kindliness .of wanner. Among the callers to the house of this family was a Mrs. Farrell, who, sfler some years of widowhood, again narried. this time becoming the wife of a Mr. Meggs. "If you love us, mother." said one of the girls, when the newly married lady's card had been brought in one alteraoon shortly after the comple tion of the honeymoon, "don't make the mistake of calling her Mrs. Far rell.' The mother, solemnly promised to commit no fauxpas and as she went downstairs was heard to repeat to - Furnace J. Lampton. only one question to settle and that Is will you go down and fix that furnace, or won't you?" "To be perfectly frank with you, Susan." he said firmly,- but respect fully, '"I will not" Mrs. Yapperson was startled by the unexpectedness of it. He had never "You Look Like a Carpet Peddler.' spoken to her so before. There was no time for feminine Fabian tactics. Cotton Trees Pendexter. apple trees. The cotton blooms early in May, and keeps it up till late fall." "Irad. look at me," Implored Edgar. "How does Jim graft the cotton?" "Did I promise to stay till Satur day?" asked Irad. "You certainly did." assured Edgar. "Then I'll keep my promise. As to the secret, you take a northern apple tree and transplant it to the cotton belt" "Why, you said it would grow north," Medium-Sized Journeys By Strickland W. Gillilan. Elmer J. Dante, inventor, explorer and promoter of a spiral sheol, was formerly named Durante, but removed the "u-r," as Jiis folks were Quakers and preferred "thou art." His great, great grandfather was a crusader, which was about as badan occupation from the moral standpoint as there is; but the .young man was a self-taught poet. He had had only three lessons in verse-making from a correspondence school at Scranton, Bavaria, but was a crack rhymer. At the age of only 15 he wrote in his copy book: "Many men of many minds. Many birds of many kinds." which has' become immortal. Young Dante's poet-companions had names that sounded like brands of pre-digested spaghetti, and need not, nay must not be mentioned here. They were famous for their finished verse, aud it is our duty and pleasure to rejoice over its finish. Dante had a sweetheart named Bea trice, for whom the town of that name in Nebraska was christened. But she was a nice girl every other way. Shortly after he was married and became several fathers, a war came to his rescue and he enlisted. He was one of the priors of Florence, or wherever he lived then. A prior was a sort of tax-collector, so-called be cause in those days, the tame as now, they had to pry the people loose from their impost contributions. The Guelphs, whoever they were, were di vided into two factions the Neri and the Ghibellines (pronounced chil blains), and Dante was sympathetical ly aligned with the latter. Dante, as one of the priors, had to take action in the matter. Being a poet and impractical, he advocated firing both bunches, the former of which contained his wife's brother, and the latter containing most of his own friends. This, of course, made life at home such as to suggest the Inferno book for which he is most fa mous. The Ghibellines or Blanch!, came back, after awhile, by govern ment's permission, and' this time' Dante himself was banished with them because he hadn't made them stay banished. Dante said afterward that he woftld have given almost anything if they hadn't come unbanished. Dante herself. "Meggs Meggs Meggs not Farrell." At the. conclusion of the call, the eld lady was met at the head of the stairs by the daughter, who at once observed an ominous expression of de spondency on the old lady's face. "Oh, mother," she exclaimed, "sure ly you didn't" "No, Clara," replied the mother, em phatically, "J didn't. I was so careful to call her Mrs. Meggs all the time." "Well, what's the trouble, then?" "Oh, dear!" murmured the kindly od lady, as she sank into a chair. "It was awful of me, I know! When I greeted her I said: 'I am glad to see you, Mrs. Meggs. How is Mr. Far rell?'" Harper's Weekly. Blood Will Tell. Milkman Our cows are all blooded stock. Customer I believe you. Blue blooded, if one may judge by the ap pearance of the milk.' Some of the Best Things jnrritten by the Acknowl edged Masters. She would' try bluff. "Very well, .Mr. Yappercon," she said, imperiously. "Very well, I shall go to a hotel. You can stay here and freeze Jf you want to. It is a matter of perfect Indifference to me." "Thank you. dear," he said, turning away to hide his feelings, whatever they were. "When will yo go, and would you mind leaving your future address so the postman will know?" This kindly inquiry did not serve to assuage the lady's overwrought feelings. v "No, I shall not. and I shall leave immediately," and wblsiing" around she headed for the door. "Good-by, Susan," he murmured, putting out his hand timidly, "and Susan," he went on, as she paused a moment in her flight, "as you go out, please step down into the basement and ask the furnaceman what's the matter with the fire-works. I brought him up with me and he is the best one in town. He says if he can't make it blister the paper on the walls ho won't charge a cent for taking care of it I've got him nailed to a contract till spring." Mrs. Yapperson stopped short and looked steadily, but. doubtfully, into the eyes, of the man she had promised to love, honor and obey. Then she went to the register and held her hand to it. She took it away with a jerk. "Oh," she cried, looking at him re proachfully, and Mr. Yapperson snorted with joy over his little "joke. (Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.) bitterly obtruded Edgar. - "And so it will," affirmed Irad. "But first the tree must be took south and given a taste of the soil. Then you bring it back and set it out " "By Judas! D'ye mean I'd have to take my two orchards, tree by tree, down south, and then fetch 'em back?" choked Edgar, rising. "Why, that's what Jim Witham is bound to do to make a success of it," replied Irad. "You see, the cotton soil gives the tree " "Bah!" cried Edgar, in great acer bity. "We'll both keep next Saturday in mind." f Copy right, 1909. by W. G. Chapman.) himself was accused of barratry, ex tortion, corruption, horse-stealing, as sault and battery, mayhem, arson and loitering. Wrhen he escaped he went to Ve rona, and stopped at the boarding house of Bartolommeo della Scala, who used to be of good family and was related to John Quincy Adams, but whose wife had been forced by re duced circumstances to keep boarders ever since Bart had run for office in an off year. Dante couldn't stand the board with these ex-aristocrats long, any more than men of the present day can, and so he wandered about "like," as he put it, "a cow without her ud- Dante Had a Sweetheart Beatrice. Named der" or maybe it was a ship without a rudder or helm. During his wander ings he visited Paris, Oxford, Pisa Harrisburg, nd Three Oaks, Mich. Florence asked him to come back, but he said "No; I just had a letter from home." After he died, Florence was ashamed of herself, as most towns, are when one of their klcked-out best" citizens dies, and wanted to put up a monument for him, but the senate voted down the bill because Tillman and Cabot Lodge both favored it. (Copyright. 1909. by W. G. Chapman.) s Strong Game. Cupid and Hymen were talking about cards. "Ever play yourself?" asked Cupid. "Sometimes,", responded Hymen, cautiously. "Indeed! And what is your; strong est hand?" "Oh, when kings find they, are beaten by queens and then turn into jacks. How about you?" Cupid laughed a silver laugh. "Oh. I have a hand that can't be beat" "Really? And what is it?" "Why, a pair in a parlor. That has been a winner since the world began." Grim Reality. The Friend Why don't you funny men write any. more jokes about plum bers' extortionate bills? The ' Humorist We've found out that they're no joke. - Accounting for It. "That lady certainly has an extraor dinary amount of animal spirits. Who is she?" "I think she is the animal trailer at the Zoo." - .-;. " , - " "Tvasi JV Vsshftfll saa I"CXV FOR THe WRI9T Bracelets jfrrx Worn, Tboiigb Fasbioo De crees bagge to iaf-trials. WHEN fashion decreed, that short sleeves ir ere soon doomed to ex tinction. Teminine lovers of bracelets, that truly barbaric form of. adornment, sighed many signs and thought regret fully of money expended on golden circlets. For it was taken for granted that the knell of elbow-length sleeves meant also the knell of the bracelet But fasbloa fooled them once again. Bracelets, as a matter of fact, are as much In vogue as ever. To be quite truthful, they are not the bands of heavily-chased gold, twinkling with precious stones which modish women have been clanking against bridge tables, but bracelets made of silk, of velvet, of artificial flowers, of tulle and even of broad bands of the old- fashioned bead work beloved of our grandmothers. Observers of the first-arrived model gowns from the great dressmakers of Paris noticed a peculiar trimming just at the wrist of the long, close-fitting sleeves. This trimming frequently was the same as that employed else where on the blouse, it always was put on in bracelet form and generally ended in a demure little bow at the outside of the wrist. This bracelet trimming was but the forerunner of many other bracelets made of materials distinctly new to this peculiar use. Now we see the debutante coquettishly banding her wrist with a circle of blue forget-me-nots or tiny pink "button" roses. She wears them over her sleeve if a long sleeved gown is worn, or over her glove if in a decollete gown. There is even a hint of a revival of wrist length gloves with very short puffed sleeves. In that case the bracelet of flowers will be still more in evidence, for it is necessary to wear something to break the hard line of the glove against the bare arm. Black velvet ribbon, so long worn clasping the neck, now forms brace lets, pinned with a small brooch in tne good old-fashioned way. If the brooch is a quaint antique, so much the better. A length or tulle in white or colors is affected by the girl who goes In for picturesque effects. She ties it closely around her wrist with long ends hanging from a tight little bow. Curiosity shops that make a spe cialty of old-fashioned jewelry have been searched lately for the bands of woven beads clasped with old chased gold clasps which were so much prized by our grandmothers. They bid fair to be quite as highly prized by the girls of this generation, for great is the rejoicing of the woman who finds a bead bracelet of particularly quaint design. A pattern of red roses on a background of turquoise blue beads is an effective combination which age tones into quite a good scheme of color and the discovery of a bead bracelet bearing a motto, sentimental or scriptural, is considered very lucky. PdDir ttftne Man-o'-War Suit for Boy of 6 to 8 Years. Coat for '6 to 8 W 9bVQb2 isiffjv HITE or navy serge, or white duck are the materials generally chosen for this style of suit for a boy. The blouse is made to slip over the head and hangs quite loose, so that it is really quite easy to make up; the collar is adjustable and may be either of linen or serge. A straw bat is worn. Materials required: 2 yards 46 Inches wide. Coats for Girl from Six to Ten Years. These coats may either of them be made up In cloth, serge, or coating. The first, which is modeled for a girl of six to eight years, has three flat pleats each side front and back, turning from the center; the collar and waistband are ornamented with braid trimmings. HaJjOf straw., trimmed ;With -.chiffon and bunches of daisies. Material re quired: 2 yards 46 inches wide. - The second is for an older girl, from eight to ten years; it Is double breasted and -has Inverted pleats on each side of front and back; straps of galloon are earned over the shoulders, the collar and sleeves being trimmed with the same. Hat composed of pleated lace and trimmed with silk rosettes. Materials required: 2 yards 46 Inches wide, zft yards galloon. IN pquE Voiles aad silks all have borders. The petticoat -is being reinstated. Scarfs are as much sought for as ever. Hat ornaments are large and con spicuous. There are buckles studded with tiger eyes. Giant bows are popular, pinned close to hats. Children will be seen mostly in tan shoes and stockings. Children's hats turn up or down; they are rarely straight , There is a rage at present for pat tern materials of all sorts. Every hat sets low on the head even lower than the winter hat Figured serge and figured tussore are both exceedingly popular. Loose lace coats to wear over mus Ua robes will be stylish. Somr'jSfmpIe Kxerr ds$ That WffliSo; iucb for Injprove r tt)ot of Figure THE coming vogue for snug-fitted bodices fs 'going "to disclose some distressingly rounded shoulders that onr kindlier blouses and baby waists concealed. The young woman who values a good appearance will there fore spend her time most profitably in strengthening those muscles which hold 'the shoulder blades In place. A little set of exercises for this purpose would take up very little of her time, perhaps ten minutes night and morn ing, and the benefit derived would be both lasting and far-reaching. The exercise must of course be taken en negligee in order to get the full bene fit of it and preferably Just before the bath. The amount to be taken by any one person can best be measured by the fatigue that it brings on the Muscles, all things in moderation being a very wise rule. First to develop the shoulder muscles, assume an erect standing position, then hunch the shoulders as high as possible at the same time that the bead is thrown slightly up ward and backward. Now rotate the shoulders forward, downward and backward with vigor, remembering that it does the most good when it nips. In repeating this cycle of move ments be sure to maintain the body in its original erect position, with chest high and head back. Secondly, double your fists, bring your knuckles together on. your chest with thumbs downward, raise the elbows to the .exact level of the shoul ders, and then with one quick, vig orous movement . bend your elbows backward until your fists touch your shoulders and your shoulder blades nip. Repeat by bringing your fists to gether again over your chest and then nip-nip-nipping, with your elbows on the level with your shoulders. To counteract the tendency to drooping head that so often accom panies round shoulders, stand erect. place the clasped hands on the back of your neck, and with chin in and every muscle tense bend your bead backward, then forward, as far as pos sible. Remember that the head is pushed backward without the face turning upward at all. To widen the chest that so inevit ably narrows with stooping shoulders and incidentally to place the collar bones less prominently place your hands on your hips, or rather just your finger tips, as the elbows should be kept as high as possible, and slow ly take in a deep breath, at one and the same time rising on tiptoe and bending your elbows back sharply. Then as you exhale let yourself down off your toes and bring the elbows back to their normal position. This exercise will do little good unless you are careful to press the elbows neither up nor down, but horizontally back ward. MMrenn Girl from Years. Coat for Girl from 8 to 10 Years. Square-Cut Bodices Set Sleeves Lower. It is said by those who know that bodices are to be cut more squarely across the shoulders, and therefore the sleeves will be set lower oc the arms. - This will be accomplished by running the shoulder seams much longer than we have bad them during the directoire period. This smacks something of the sec ond empire. But everybody Is pre pared for anything just now. White Serge Smart White serge is going to be smarter than ever. A white serge princess dress made with big button molds and a Dutch neck makes any woman look charm ing. This can be relieved if necessary by a tie of "black satin having for a finish two little gilt tassels, l House Purse Down-Stairs. It is an excellent plan, if you live in a house, to have a "house purse" down stairs in a convenient place, so that when a little change is needed for something you are not obliged to run upstairs for it Pekind A iemorial Claire Wallace, QyriD HE rat-a-tat or the drums and the dauntless voice of the fife began to awaken the quiet streets early in the morning. Adam Roth, brought to his window by the in sistent call of the fifes, raised his eyes to the cloudless blue of the spring sky J and then let them shift back uneasily to his shabby room. As the sounds died away, Adam went and stood beside the bed. On it was laid the full uniform of a Zouave, discolored with the smoke of many battles, ragged and worn with the stress of weary marches. Near one shoulder a faded stain spoke of a wound received at Alexandria. Adam looked long on this uniform, and then, brushing away a mist before bis eyes, he whispered the name "Dan!" Dan, the brave brother who had first donned them in '61, who had with unabated love and energy and pride worn them on every Memorial day since the first, had gone to the great "assembly," and only Adam was left. And Adam! There was no part for him in all these half pleasant) half "There Goes One of Those sad, reunions, these enthusiastic pa rades through the great city, these glorious awakenings of memories of deeds well done in the past That was what ate into his soul and blotted out the light In his face. He had been a coward coward! In those days, when the uniform before him had been a bright red. and the gun. leaning against the foot of the bed, had sparkled and shone, he had failed to answer the bugle call of his country. The sounds in the street below grew louder, and the sun streamed into the room, sending a sudden riot to Adam's heart. The veins in his temples throbbed like ceaseless threshing ma chines, separating all the chaff of his long life of failure and cowardice from this strange, burning prayer that sprang up within him, that he might once, only once, go forth in the uni form of the country he loved, to march behind the flag he had failed to pro tect, to be an American soldier! He found himself taking off bis coat with shaking hands, and, almost be fore he realized it. he was hurrying into the uniform. He dusted the moth eaten fez and put it on his head. The worn tassel fell over his ear. and he tossed it back with a new, free fling of his head. The mantle of Dan seemed truly to have fallen upon him. bringing with it the spirit of '61. He went down into the street. Dan's rifle across his shoulder, his Zouave jacket lending strength and erectnes3 to his weary back. A man leading two little boys by the hand pointed him out to the children. "There goes one of those grizzly old fighters, boys. I tell you, they did great work!" The words reached Adam and sent a gleam to bis eyes. He saw the lines of silent people on each side of the avenue, and the ciash of a military band sounded in his ear. The parade was passing Adam grasped his gun with nervous, tense fingers. The men wore the familiar baggy red trousers, the short jacket, the jaunty little cap. They were the Zouaves. With one great throb of his heart Adam stepped into the street and swung into line. The man next to him glanced in his direction, and his face whitened. Dan Roth! Surely old Dan Roth was dead! The whole post had heard of it nearly a year ago. Who, then, CibIBbbIIIHbw ntLllvlsViMV DAyi iwas this silent, mysterious figure. springing suddenly from the crowd and joining them? "Who are your asked the man. Adam wavered a moment before he answered. The simple query blotted out his cherished dream; perhaps it would make the continuance of hi march impossible. But finally he turned and answered: "Dan Roth's brother." Suddenly he felt the silent encour agement of a handshake. The vet eran meant to be his friend. Then the command of "Forward march!" came to them, and they were off once more, this time flashing warm, triumph ant, into Riverside drive. The Ions march was over. Beside him stood the color-bearer, holding aloft the tattered glory of the regiment. The words of the orator floated on the quivering air. and the cannon boomed from the gunboat ir the river; but all sounds now seemec to come to Adam from a great dis tance. He was aflame with the spirit of devotion; the darkened. lamp o, patriotism had been lighted anew in him, and in the whole world there was nothing else. Presently Adam's kindling eyes fell upon a man among the crowd of spec tators, a man whose haggard face and twitching body marked him apart. Itage, wild, unreasoning rage at fate. Grizzly Fighters, Boys." cried out from all his features. With some fascination Adam noticed that his eyes were fastened upon the flair. or all that was left of it. But what a gaze. His glance was a menace, his look burnt with the hatred of one whose hand is forever set against the insignia of law and royalty. The ceremonies were drawing to a close. A bugler stepped forward and played the first bar of the "Star Span gled Banner." From his higher place Adam saw the man whom he had been watching push his way to the edge of the crowd, directly facing the flag. The people were singing now. The man laughed. Above the voice of pal pitating youth and earnest age A.rtam heard it. and clutched his hand at his side. What did this man nieaii to do? Such- wildness. such enmity, would not go unsatisfied. The man's hand went to his pocket. Adam look a step nearer the standard-bearer, whose, dim eyes were ignorant of dan ger. Adam seemed to feel in some in tuitive way what this poor, fanatic creature below meant to do. But he must not be allowed to do it he must not! The man's arm shot out. Something gleamed in the sunshine, something sang in the air above the words "in trimuph shall wave," and an old Zouave stumbled and fell forward upon the white stones. The commander of the post stooped over the fallen man and lifted his head. The man was a stranger to him. He looked at a Zouave standing near, silently questioning him. "He pushed in front of Peterson, sir, just as that scoundrel fired. He tried to grasp the flag. sir. I guess he saw what the fellow aimed at" "Who Is he?" asked the officer. "And what is he doing here? He is not one of my men." "He was Dan Roth's brother. We have all heard of him he was the boy that wouldn't join in '61. But to dayhehe" The old man knelt down beside Adam. Just below the dim stain on the shoul der of Dan's jacket, the stain which marked that day at Alexandria, there was a new, fresh one. The heart that lay beneath it was at peace. (Copyright. 1909. by J. B. Lippincott Co. Every noble life leaves the fiber of It Interwoven forever in the works of the world. Ruskin. Irrnnv .. H, i Ijl-ITMJWrrrfcTH jyilWCA - 1 : - " ;;"' ,; V' " "'L!" ""j." ' '' M-lmim-i!wietmtkBa0W " 3- wTtiftaj V v Sr-.-i. .. -.,-, ,- -.