The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, March 10, 1909, Image 8
JfJ !-r- -C ,1M V J - ' --v ''g-.-J-t "P.,-',W"''J. V ,-?ni T "- -.--? yyrV"" v -- '. in im i Man iMwnm.pj 52JS202SBBIBH f I r & s fi 6 if v a I i District No. 4 and Vicinity. John Lmu shelled corn for John Gross aicklaas last Thursday. John Knight of Madiaon has moved on the Peter Znmbrnnn farm, three miles , of Platte Center, last Thursday. We are now having some more winter. Last week a few of the farmers were talking about commencing to sow oats, but we believe "they are safer in the granary for some time yet. Route No. 5. H, L. Olcot is chopping down the large oottohwood trees along his place. The pOe driver is at the Platte bridge and is ready to repair the damage caused by the ice. F. Lb Hahn returned Monday evening from his farm, two miles east of Genoa, where he moved last week. Mr. Hahn will continue to carry his mail route un til relieved, and will live on the farm un til that time. Route No. L Herman Gigox lost a valuable work horse last Thursday. Albert Letup was on the market with a oar of hogs last Thursday. Miss Lydia Luschen is visiting her sister, Mrs. Otto Loeeke, at Creston. Harry Erb of Central City was visiting at the home of his aunt, Mrs. H. B. Reed, last Saturday evening. Mr. and Mrs. C.E. Devlin entertained the families of F. A. Scofield and H. B. Reed last Sunday at their home at the driving park. Walker Township. Martin Nelson moved on to his farm Tuesday of last week. O.O. Thompson and wife were in Fullerton last week, attending court. Farmers are busy these days filling their barns with hay and otherwise get ting ready for spring work. Quite a number of the farmers from this neighborhood attended the Smith sale in St. Edward last Saturday. Some time ago A. P. Johnson con tracted his wheat for $1 per bushel, and he is now delivering it in St. Edward. We have had fine weather for some time, but Tuesday reminded us that it is winter, but this may not last very long. Route No. 2. Ben Fixa marketed hogs last week. Monday of this week work was com menced on Ben Fixa's new home. August Runge is repairing his farm buildings by putting new roofs on them. U. 8. Mace is moving on the Babcock farm, recently vacated by W. S. East- There will be a box social in the school house in district No. 9 on Friday even ing, March 19. There was a pleasant surprise at the home of Mr. and Mrs. John Leuschen last Thursday evening. Wm. Banning had good luck last Sat urday morning, and succeeded in getting eleven ducks out of one flock. Route No. 4. Herman Alves returned last Saturday from a week's visit at Lincoln. Mia. Bolt, who has been very sick for some time, is reported convalescent Frank Hilliard is breaking a trotter, and getting it ready for that new buggy he purchased last week. Louis Leibig is making the feathers fly among the ducks this week, going ' : after them early and late. Mrs. G. Mayberger is having a Monroe Independent Telephone company tele phone installed in her home. Julius McKinn, who has been visiting at the home of August Johnson, left Sat urday for his home in Edgemont, 8. D. Early last week someone visited Anton Elmer's hen house, and when they de v parted took all the occupants but two with them. A large crowd of friends and neigh bora gathered at the home of Adolph Laudenklos last Thursday evening to remind their son Alex that he had ar med at his twenty-first milestone. Route No. 3. Al Butler has moved on the J. P. .Becker farm. . . Wm. Lange's condition is report ed about the same. We are informed that Arnold Schmitt is now in Seattle, Wash. Louis Wurdeman was a guest .on Route 1 Sunday evening. Mr. and Mrs. Geo. Saalfeld are moving into their new home this week. J. F. Goedeken transacted business at Platte Center last Saturday. .Considerable corn, hogs and cattle are being marketed by Route 3 patrons this V The carrier is very grateful for favors shown him and his horses by the patrons during the last week. Miss Louis Brunken and mother were gaeats at the home of Meta Albers, near PlatWOeater, Monday.. Mr. and Mrs. Erause and Bob, from Creston, Suadayed at the home of Mr. and Mra. O. P. Newman. v .Fred Brunken, who has been spend ing the winter ia Chicago, is now work tec on a farm near Smith Center, Kas. Mr. and Mra, Frank Beaton are now domiciled at 'the Bisson home, Mr. Sea tan being employed by C: J. Biaton for the A New Play Coaming. ; In "A Jolly American Tramp," E. E. Kidder's well known play the man who wrote "A Poor Relation" for Sol Smith Russell solves a problem that has vexed the rural communities for years. In it Mr. Kidder attempts to show that with kindness, a just appreciation of mac, even if in rags, and the consequent re specting of his rights will compell even the most oonfirmed hobo to think he is on this earth for a purpose. In this play the 'author promises a new and rather novel motive, that of a rascally husband insuring the life of his wife, then stupifying her with drugs, hiding ber inn attic of a deserted (and supposed to be haunted) house, substituting an other body for her and collecting the in surance thereon. Through the mediam of an ordinary tramp the wronged wife is liberated and restored to rights that had been wrested from her, and the guilty punished. There is said to be a happy blending of pathos and wit in 'A Jolly American Tramp.' The cast con tains the names of such well and favor able known players as Charley Mc Williamswho plays 'Happy Jack.' the tramp; Pearl Hoye, the dainty little soubrette star; Elizabeth Taylbr, the well known comic opera prima donna, late of the Castle Square company; Elinor Dunbar, a clever oharacter Irish woman, and in fact every part is in the hands of a competent person. The play will be strong in musical and vaudeville numbers. Prioes 25-35-50. Advertised Letters. Following is a list of unclaimed mail matter remaining in the post office at Columbus, Nebraska, for the period end ing March 10, 1909: Letters Edward Boreson (with On Trial For His Life Co), George Becker. Miss Bertha Fultz, Joe Hyman, W E Hacker, Carl Holtz worth, George Nasho, J W Pitchford 2, I R Spurlock, W E Thaoker, Mrs Fred Wing. Cards J B Eicherly, J B Lamb, Don ald Wilson. Parties calling for any of the above will please say advertised. Carl Kramer, P. M. POSSIBLY NAME WAS "LOOIE." Anyway, Sleepy Passenger Objected to Being Called "Bill." There was a passenger on a Chest nut street car the other day who was peacefully dozing not, it was quite evident, through having had too little eleep, but through having had too much drink. When the conductor approached for the fare the somnolent one paid no attention whatever, but continued to sojourn in the land of dreams. "Hey, wake up! Give us yer fare there!" sang out the conductor. Snores from Peaceful Valley. "Hey, wake up!" Deep calm and content. The con ductor grew morn vehement. Ha leaned over and plucked the passen ger's sleeve. With a start the som nolent one regained consciousness. "Hey. Bill," remarked the con ductor, "give us yer fare." The other stared at the conductor. "Hurry up, BUI!" "Bill" turned pale with fury. "How how!" he thundered, while all the other passengers jumped in alarm, "how you know my name aint Looier And until that was satisfactorily an swered by the conductor there was no fare forthcoming.-PhIladelphia Ledger. ROSE TO DIPLOMATIC HEIGHT. Young Man Proved Decidedly Equal to the Occasion. Harold visits on terms of Intimacy a household that boasts of three good, looking sisters Betty, Babbie and Ellen and of these Harold has not yet quite made up his mind touching a certain important contingency. On one occasion, when he had called early and no one was yet downstairs, Harold was half-dozing in a Morris chair in the library, when suddenly a pair of soft little hands covered his ayes and a sweet little voice com manded: "Guess who!" Immediately Harold was up a tree. He couldn't for the life of him de termine whose voice it was Betty's? Babble's? Ellen's? A wrong guess would mean complications too awful to contemplate. Finally, however, a happy solution of the difficulty offered itself, and Harold blandly announced: "It's the dearest, sweetest little girl in all the world!" "Dear Harold," murmured the young thing, as she removed her hands. Lippincott's. Pronunciation. Here Is what a recognized authority says on the subject: "In spoken lan guage, pronunciation Is the most strik ing element, and thus it happens that it is, more than any other one thing, the most obvious test of general cul ture. Even in a speaker of recognized ability, his mispronunciations fall harshly upon the ear, and cause the hearer to suspect that his early, if not later, education has been wanting in polish, or that he has not been accus tomed to the society of tefined and cultivated people." Surely this writer, does not overestimate the case or ex aggerate, in any way. the importance of correct pronunciation. And the Others? The other-people's-buslness man per sisted in trying to extract informa tion from a prosperous looking el derly man next to him in the Pullman smoker. "How many people work in your officer he asked. "Oh," said the elderly man, getting up and throwing away his cigar, "I should say, at a rough guess, about two-thirds of them." And Few Have Beth. It takes ten pounds of common sense to carry one pound of learning. Per sian Proverb. Faithfulness la In the Few. Aristotle: He frieadahaa ae friends, OLD MAN REFLECTS SOME PERTINENT OBSERVATIONS BY MR. GROUCH. In Thia Case He Takes Note of Things Women Say About Their Hus bandsLiver Tonic About What He Needs. Although she knows perfectly well that you can be the wooziest kind of a sentimentalist, even on occasions when you are unfed, she will per sistently work in that frazzled, moss-" covered promidiom. "The way to a man's heart lies through his stomach." Let her. They'd die if deprived of their favorite wheezes, of which this is a sample. She tells you that before you were married you were only too eager to stoop down and tie her shoes lace when It became untied on the street. Now, however, you er you Well, prisoner at the bar, what have you to say to that? Guilty as indicted. Re manded for sentence. She Is fond of quoting the somewhat gulpy, tremolo music observations of the emotional type of famous men about how much they owe of their "greatness" to their mothers. Beware this deadfall. She wants you to pay a little tribute to your mother so that she can say: "But, mercy sakes alive! you don't call yourself great, do you?" She Insists upon telling you every word of what Mrs. Gitapp said, and what she herself said in reply, and you rest your book in your lap and pretend to be profoundly immersed ia her somewhat piffly and pointless nar rative. But begin to tell her something In which you yourself are peculiarly in terested and observe how quickly she'll get into an unhealing trance, or stare out of the window, or start to play with the kitten, or something. She never forgets to remind you. particularly when you're in a blithe, chirpy humor, about how that gloom creating bald spot of yours seems to be spreading every day. But just you happen to mention those tell-tale hol lows that are beginning to appear at the sides of her chin, and see what happens, that's all! Merely mention, by way of making talk, that her just-departed caller ap peared to possess a somewhat high pitched, raucus voice, and she'll in stantly declare that It's a perfect shame and degradation the way you positively loathe and despise all of her friends, and that "pretty soon it'll get so that everybody I know will be afraid to come near me." Drop downtown just one evening by yourself, and at breakfast the next morning you'll have an even-money chance of hearing that old, old plaint: "I must be becoming perfectly hideous or something, for you never take me anywhere any more." She'll sit in a bad light of an eve ning and embroider a shirt-waist un til her eyes are all but dropping out of her head. But ask her to sew a bat ton on your pajamas and she'll tell you that you just must try to pull the buttons off your garments when you remove 'em. Ever notice how she positively de lights in telling the prettiest women that come to your home how terrific ally you snore? Chicago Journal. Fact and Fiction. "Well! Well! Is this Unele Charlie Seaver?" greeted the city visitor. "I'm glad to see you and hope to have a very pleasant ride out to the farm in your old buckboard behind the bay team. If there is anything I have counted on it is the pleasure of a ride over these mountain roads on the farm buckboard behind the old team." "Err yes, this is Uncle Charlie Seaver, though I ain't nowise an uncle yet," drawled "Uncle Charlie," as he crushed the city visitors fingers in his horny hand. "Glad you come. You'll have a good time. I'm sorry, though, to disappoint ye fust off about that buckboard, but I think you'll find this 40-horsepower car pretty comfortable. The old buckboard followed the mort gage five years ago come these good prices for crops." Bohemian. A Mean Trick. "I understand that there was trouble over at your house last night." "There certainly was." "Anything secret about it?" "Not so far as my part In It goes. I had heard how Gov. Patterson of Tennessee wears trousers which con tain no pockets, so I just' had my tailor make me a pocketless pair." Well?" Well, my wife .wrestled with them in the dark for an hour, then she sneaked out of doors and examined them by moonlight, then she came in and turned on the light and I laughed, then the trouble started." Exchange. Quite Marvelous. "Do you know," said the cheerful idiot, "that it is the easiest thing in the world to tell whether a man is going for his holidays or returning, by the way he carries his portmanteau?" "I never thought of that," said the simple young man. '.'What is. the dif ference?" "It is just this way," he went on. 'When a man is going away he carries his portmanteau toward the railway station, and when he is comnlg back he carries it in the other direction." His Course. The Missionary And what course do you intend to take with me? The Savage Chief Oh, the ordinary one; you'll follow the fish. Sketch. 4 Dishpan Suicide. Race suicide has resulted in one commercial contraction that not even President Roosevelt ever counted on. It has caused 'dlshpans to grow smaller. "Where arc the enormous dlshpans of yesterday?" queried a woman shop per. "The kind that you could pile all the dishes used by a family of IS into at one time?" "They don't make them any more," aid the clerk, "because there are ne families of 11. Smaller families mean fewer dishes to wash, and the alse of inn laaeaaa ana annua- aaennii DEAL LIGHTLY WITH THE DUNCE. Reasons Why Some Children Simply Cannot Learn. A small coterie of French doctors is at ' present studying school children, and has at the moment under its es pecial observation that infantile phe nomenon known as the dunce. The existence of the dunce Is frequently to be attributed, they declare, to faulty nygienic environment, unsuitable food or tactless treatment. Incidentally they assert that a disposition for mathematical studies is no criterion of a capacity for original or vigorous thought, and that the ability to deal with numbers is often observable in the very weak of mind, says the New York World. The dunce, they say, is often any thing but a dunce. The poor child may suffer from weakness of sight, or Incipient deafness, and his teacherf fail to note the fact. Morbid shyness and self-consciousness, often charac teristic in children, are the so-called dullard's inability to learn. All chil dren do not progress with the same alertness. The phenomenon of grown ups who are ten years behind their age, in regard to mentality, has been noted by all physicians. Corvisart, Napoleon's doctor, declaring that these minds often prove the finest when they reach their maturity, and that the fact of their backwardness is invariably a sign that a ripe old age will be reached. The personal character of children? say these French doctors, requires to be trained in respect to pluck, initia tive and interest, before the purely mental attributes can be expected to come into play. Children who evince a dislike to play should be taught that success in play and kindred matters is the surest guaranty of success in the great game of life later on. Par ticular care must be taken in the selection of schools and school-surroundings for children who are un usually fat or overgrown, or who show a tendency to be what is known as "old-fashioned." When children are likely to become the butts of their companions, parents cannot be too careful in deciding as to how they shall be trained. Observation and the advice of physical attributes, are the safest guides if the rearing of whole some men and women be, as it should be, the end of early education. "Old Cy" Loves the Mazuma. Cy Young, the grand old Trojan among baseball men, is said to be one sf the most economical men in the business. Unglaub, the new player that Washington recently secured Trom Boston, tells this story on Young: It appears that when the Boston club was in Cleveland, which is not very many miles from Cy Young's big farm, Cy wished to telephone some instruc tions to his farm manager, and he re sorted to the long distance telephone as a means of quick communication. While Cy was telephoning, Unglaub and McConnell happened to stroll up to the telephone booth. When Young had ceased talking and was getting the necessary change out of his pocket to pay for his message, McConnell, who is a youngster just fresh from col lege said to Young: "Consider the long distance tele phone " "Yes," broke la Young with a wry expression on his countenance, as he began counting his change, "and see how quickly it makes you short." How Presidents Died. Death came to presidents and for mer presidents of the United States in the following ways: Washington's death was due to acute laryngitis; Adams, Madison and Monroe, prac tically to old age; Jefferson, chronic diarrhea; John Quincy Adams, paraly sis; Jackson, dropsy; Van Buren, catarrhal affections of the throat and lungs; William Henry Harrison, pleu risy; Tyler, cause of death not given by biographers; Polk, cholera; Tay lor, cholera morbus, combined with a severe cold; Fillmore, paralysis; Pierce, dropsy, Buchanan, rheumatic gout; Lincoln, Garfield and McKinley, assassinated; Johnson, paralysis; Grant, cancer at the root of the tongue; Hayes, neuralgia of the heart; Arthur, heart trouble; Benjamin Har rison, pneumonia, and Grover Cleve land, heart failure following a compli cation of diseases. Time's Changes in Venezuela. Venezuela received its musical name from the early Spanish resi dents, who saw a resemblance to Venice in the sites of the inland cities. The llanos, or bleak plains, on which the Uaneros live a precarious life, have largely changed their character since Humboldt saw them. Then these- great plains of grass supported Innumerable herds of cattle; but civil war led to the destruction of the beasts to feed the insurgents. The llanos are now rapidly becoming a potential source of timber. Best Medicine Is Sleep. The best nerve food In the world is sleep. Good, sound, refreshing sleep will do more to replenish the nerve centers and build up a fagged brain than anything that can be devised. Nervous people ought to cultivate the practice of sleeping after dinner. A short nap after the noon meal will strengthen the nerves, and make It much more liable that the rest of the day will be spent in some sort of comfort. Fright Result in Paralysis. An engineer at a paper works at Essonne, France, recently pushed an other employe into a big dye tub for a joke. When the victim had changed his clothes he returned to the works, and, seizing the engineer, made as though to drop him over the para pet on the second floor. The engineer was so frightened that paralysis en sued, the whole of his" right side being seized. His condition is very grave. Taking Chances. "Ha fa a professional gambler, is he aotr "No, n professional gambler never takes chances." "Deo he take chances?" "Ha'a going to gat married." ; MUST HAVE HONEY CHECK DOES NOT GO WITH YOUR UNCLE 8AM. Even Men Whose Names Are Synony mous with Dollars in Millions Have to Put Up the Actual Currency. Where is the private citizen who would refuse to accept a Vanderbilt, Astor, Morgan, Rokefeller, Gould, o other millionaire's check in payment for a bill for services rendered? Yet Uncle Sam will not when it comes tc settling up for customs duties on im ported personal effects of ocean trav elers. Even a "certified" check does not serve to remove the financial credulity of the nation's treasurer, as several millionaires who recently arrived from Europe discovered when they ten dered "guaranteed" checks in payment for the introduction of foreign goods for household use. There is not a bank or financial in stitution in the country but which will accept a certified check as the equivalent of good, hard cash. Uncle Sam demands the coin of the realm however, and will not admit, as it is technically called, any dutiable article until he gets It. Not long since C. Oliver Iselln, the yachtsman, whose fortune is estimated at seven figures, arrived from England in a White Star liner and offered his check for $2,000 in payment of duty on some curios which he bought abroad. "I am sorry, Mr. Iselin, but we are not permitted to take anything but currency," said Deputy Collector Wil Hams. The Corinthian navigator ot several America's cup defenders smiled incredulously, although he was in a hurry to get away from the piei to catch a train. Mr. IselinNsent one of his accom panying valets downtown and secured the requisite cash, saying with a laugh as he turned it into the branch cus tom house on the pier: "I suppose the government must be careful who it deals with." Another millionaire whose check was declined under similar circum stances showed his displeasure by threatening all sorts of official pun ishment, and ended with the state ment that he would have the "silly regulation" revoked If he was obliged to spend his last dollar in doing so He was still sputtering and fuming when "Barney" Biglin, the veteran politician, came upon the scene and lent the millionaire $1,750 to pay the indebtedness to the government. "What makes me mad," said the mil lionaire to Biglin, "is that I, who car. raise ten millions in half an hour, and that over the telephone, should be held up for a paltry $1,750. A rule like that Is outrageous." The rule has not been revoked, how ever, despite the millionaire's threats and Uncle Sam is doing a strictly cash business at the same old stand. Etheromanes. They resembled balls from a Chrls mas tree tiny glass balls, bright red, yellow, green, blue, filled with a few drops of some clear liquid. "They are ether balls,", said the psy chologist. "They are composed of gel atine, like the capsuloids you swallow for indigestion, and inside them is just enough ether to make you happy with out putting you to sleep. "Etheromania continues to Increase, and etheromanes keep devising novel ways of taking the baneful narcotic The ether ball Is a new and popular way. A group of etheromanes, lying to gether on silk divans, break under one another's nostrils these bright balls. The sweet, subtle fumes of the ether are inhaled, and the ether drunkards dream their strange ether dreams. "I cure many of them by means of hypnotism. Just now, at the New Year, the season of good resolutions and reforms. I shall be unusually suc cessful in my cures." "Dime Novel Days." Marathon mad! When a mere child I read a story I think it was a dime novel about an Indian runner; prob ably a ten-cent Beadle; among the first of the ten-centers, and far more wholesome than the salacious ten-cent era of the present day of eroticism The winning of the west was due largely to the dime novel. I never read one that did not tend to enlarge a boy's love of outdoor sport and clean adventure. There was nothing that could not be read at the family fire-' side. Yet some one started a crusade against the dime novel, and after 20 years it was partly eradicated that Is, it was forced to give way to the cheap tales of city dens and dives. New York Press. Something Saved. "Can you help me, ma'am?" asked the itinerant at the door. "I was burned out last night and lost every thing." "Lost everything?" "Yes, everything, ma'am." "Well, you don't seem to have lost your nerve. You were around here last week and told me the same story!" Bill Board Space Given to Club. A space ten feet square on a bill board facing Lafayette square, in New Orleans, has been given to the mem bers of the New Era club by Junius Garrick, and will be made to help In the suffrage campaign the club is car rying on. Each week important facts concerning the movement will be an nounced on the space. Courage at the Counter. Snccess never yet came to the man who lost courage at the first rebuff; but many men have courted failure by allowing the Inevitable disappoint menU of an imperfect world to check their efforts. Prom the Grocer. Heaven. The desire to get to heaven would be more general than It Is If a good many people, were not of the opinion that the gold with which the streets there are paved must be, nailed down. Chicago Record-Herald. Branigan'S n Columbus - - Nebraska .Will be held on the following dates: Monday, March 15, 1909 Monday, March 29, 1909 Monday, April 12, 1909 Monday, April 26, 1909 I always have from 200 to 250 horses for every sale, besides a number of good spans of mules and farm mares, and have sold every horse that was in condition at every sale this season. Parties selling horses in my sales should be in by 10 o'clock in order to get them listed. Anyone wishing to get their names on my mailing list can have it by sending me your name and address. THOS. BRANIGAN Columbus, Neb. CASE OF THE POLITE PEONS. And the Engineer Who Knew Little Spanish and Tried to Boss Them. An engineer who came up a while ago from Mexico told a story about a man in his line who had -itue.- Urn ited knowledge of Spanish but fancied '.hat by combining what he knew and some English he could make the peons employed on the railway understand. In his vocabulary were these words: Para, stop; ustedes hombres, younien; piedras, stones, and via. road. One day this engineer was walking np the track and saw a lot of peons standing around doing nothing. So he stopped and said: "Ustedes hombres, why are you standing around idle? Take those piedras and throw them in the middle of the via." The always polite Mexicans smiled and said, "Si, senor," and the engineer marched away. Then they debated what he meant and decided he wanted the stones thrown on the other side o! the track. They started to do that and back came the engineer. "Para, ustedes hombres, para! Didn't ustedes hombres hear what I said? Didn't I tell ustedes hombres to take those piedras and throw them in the middle of the via? Why don't you do what I said?" And he marched away, as the peons said suavely, "Si, senor." They had another consultation and decided that what he wanted was to have the piedras thrown clear across the track in the other direction. So they began, again, tossing the stones back again. The engineer came rush ing back, shouting: "Para, para! What is the matter with ustedes hombres? Do ustedes hombres take me for a fool?" He paused and, believing that he had come to the end of his speech the peons bowed gravely and said: "Si, senor." The Mission of Jimmy. There were two methods of com munication in Cove City, both of which were equally effective. One was the telephone, which from a single, iso lated case bad developed into an epi demic, and the other, which enjoyed the dignity of precedence and estab lished custom, was to tell Jimmy Pal lows. . . . As a general retires to a hilltop to organize his forces and issue orders to his subordinates, sc Jimmy hung upon his front fence and conducted the affairs of the town. He knew what time each farmer came in, where the "Helping Hands" were going to sew, where the doctor was and where the services would be held next Sunday. He was coroner, wharf master, undertaker and notary, and the only thing in the heavens above or the earth below concerning which he did not attempt to give information was the arrival of the next steamboat From Alice Hegan Rice's "Mr. Opp,' in Century. Dickens Stories in China. The Chinese are rapidly taking up western ideas, and translations of English and French novels are now in increasing demand. Our romantic and sentimental treatment of love af fairs, however, is a thing so foreign tc oriental ethics that the hero of the ordinary European novel appears to the Chinese mind as a persoa of per m vertea moral sense and douotrui san ity. Translations of Dickens, there fore, impress the Chinese reader less than they amuse him. and detective stories and tales of adventure com mand a more sympathetic audience. To the celestial mind the love af fairs of David Copperfield can only de tract from the human interest of that hero; a Chinese novelist would have solved his difficulties by making him woo and marry Dora and Agnes simul taneously. So of course John China man does not understand the pathos. Nevertheless, Dickens' works com mand a steady sale. Woman's Life. True and Faithful. One does not look for the whole truth upon a tombstone, but there are exceptions to the rule, as is shown by the example furnished in a church yard in Hagerstown, Md. This touching epitaph runs as fol lows, except that fictitious names have, for obvious reasons, been substituted here for the real ones: Mary P., Wife of Walter Jenkins. Died December 20, 1884, aged 70 years nine months. She was a true and faithful wife to each of the following persons: Jacob Wineman. Henry Snow. Philip Harrow. Walter Jenkins. Harper's Weekly. The Ruling Passion. The man who twisted proverbs and sold them to cheap magazines was finally arrested for his misdemeanors They overpowered him and put a nice new, shiny set of manacles on him. Did he assert his innocence? No. He glanced at his handcuffs, and said with a fiendish grin: "Fine fetters make fine jailbirds." Into Temptation. Hicks So, Mr. Gayboy is going to spend a fortnight at Old Orchard while' his wife is in the mountains? Wicks Ye3; what of it? Hicks Oh, nothlBg only she ought to tie a string around his fiager to re mind him he is married. The Qualifications. Little Freddy Pop, why don't my; nurse wear that band on her arm? Father Why should she, my son? Little Freddy Well, she's a red, cross nurse, all right. Rest for Our Intelligence. Ignorance, considered alone and aside from truth with which it fe sn sweetly harmonious, is rest for our inteliigence; it maks us forget our past evils, dissimulates the present Dnes; in fine, it is a boon, since it comes to us from nature. Barnardia de Saint-Pierre. The Wife's Tribute. "Your husband wor a good man," declared the sympathetic Mrs. Casey to the bereaved widow. "He wor!" exclaimed Mrs. Murphy, dashing the tears from her eyes. "No two police-' mln cud handle him." Tit-Bits. All Men Subject to Error. A man must have a great deal of vanity who believes, and a good deal of boldness who affirms, that all the. rejects are false. Benjamin FranklioJ V W-3