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About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (March 10, 1909)
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District No. 4 and Vicinity.
John Lmu shelled corn for John Gross
aicklaas last Thursday.
John Knight of Madiaon has moved on
the Peter Znmbrnnn farm, three miles
, of Platte Center, last Thursday.
We are now having some more winter.
Last week a few of the farmers were
talking about commencing to sow oats,
but we believe "they are safer in the
granary for some time yet.
Route No. 5.
H, L. Olcot is chopping down the
large oottohwood trees along his place.
The pOe driver is at the Platte bridge
and is ready to repair the damage caused
by the ice.
F. Lb Hahn returned Monday evening
from his farm, two miles east of Genoa,
where he moved last week. Mr. Hahn
will continue to carry his mail route un
til relieved, and will live on the farm un
til that time.
Route No. L
Herman Gigox lost a valuable work
horse last Thursday.
Albert Letup was on the market with
a oar of hogs last Thursday.
Miss Lydia Luschen is visiting her
sister, Mrs. Otto Loeeke, at Creston.
Harry Erb of Central City was visiting
at the home of his aunt, Mrs. H. B.
Reed, last Saturday evening.
Mr. and Mrs. C.E. Devlin entertained
the families of F. A. Scofield and H. B.
Reed last Sunday at their home at the
Martin Nelson moved on to his farm
Tuesday of last week.
O.O. Thompson and wife were in
Fullerton last week, attending court.
Farmers are busy these days filling
their barns with hay and otherwise get
ting ready for spring work.
Quite a number of the farmers from
this neighborhood attended the Smith
sale in St. Edward last Saturday.
Some time ago A. P. Johnson con
tracted his wheat for $1 per bushel, and
he is now delivering it in St. Edward.
We have had fine weather for some
time, but Tuesday reminded us that it
is winter, but this may not last very
Route No. 2.
Ben Fixa marketed hogs last week.
Monday of this week work was com
menced on Ben Fixa's new home.
August Runge is repairing his farm
buildings by putting new roofs on them.
U. 8. Mace is moving on the Babcock
farm, recently vacated by W. S. East-
There will be a box social in the school
house in district No. 9 on Friday even
ing, March 19.
There was a pleasant surprise at the
home of Mr. and Mrs. John Leuschen
last Thursday evening.
Wm. Banning had good luck last Sat
urday morning, and succeeded in getting
eleven ducks out of one flock.
Route No. 4.
Herman Alves returned last Saturday
from a week's visit at Lincoln.
Mia. Bolt, who has been very sick for
some time, is reported convalescent
Frank Hilliard is breaking a trotter,
and getting it ready for that new buggy
he purchased last week.
Louis Leibig is making the feathers
fly among the ducks this week, going
' : after them early and late.
Mrs. G. Mayberger is having a Monroe
Independent Telephone company tele
phone installed in her home.
Julius McKinn, who has been visiting
at the home of August Johnson, left Sat
urday for his home in Edgemont, 8. D.
Early last week someone visited Anton
Elmer's hen house, and when they de
v parted took all the occupants but two
A large crowd of friends and neigh
bora gathered at the home of Adolph
Laudenklos last Thursday evening to
remind their son Alex that he had ar
med at his twenty-first milestone.
Route No. 3.
Al Butler has moved on the J. P.
.Becker farm. . .
Wm. Lange's condition is report
ed about the same.
We are informed that Arnold Schmitt
is now in Seattle, Wash.
Louis Wurdeman was a guest .on
Route 1 Sunday evening.
Mr. and Mrs. Geo. Saalfeld are moving
into their new home this week.
J. F. Goedeken transacted business
at Platte Center last Saturday.
.Considerable corn, hogs and cattle are
being marketed by Route 3 patrons this
V The carrier is very grateful for favors
shown him and his horses by the patrons
during the last week.
Miss Louis Brunken and mother were
gaeats at the home of Meta Albers, near
Mr. and Mrs. Erause and Bob, from
Creston, Suadayed at the home of Mr.
and Mra. O. P. Newman.
.Fred Brunken, who has been spend
ing the winter ia Chicago, is now work
tec on a farm near Smith Center, Kas.
Mr. and Mra, Frank Beaton are now
domiciled at 'the Bisson home, Mr. Sea
tan being employed by C: J. Biaton for
A New Play Coaming.
; In "A Jolly American Tramp," E. E.
Kidder's well known play the man who
wrote "A Poor Relation" for Sol Smith
Russell solves a problem that has vexed
the rural communities for years. In it
Mr. Kidder attempts to show that with
kindness, a just appreciation of mac,
even if in rags, and the consequent re
specting of his rights will compell even
the most oonfirmed hobo to think he is
on this earth for a purpose. In this
play the 'author promises a new and
rather novel motive, that of a rascally
husband insuring the life of his wife,
then stupifying her with drugs, hiding
ber inn attic of a deserted (and supposed
to be haunted) house, substituting an
other body for her and collecting the in
surance thereon. Through the mediam
of an ordinary tramp the wronged wife
is liberated and restored to rights that
had been wrested from her, and the
guilty punished. There is said to be a
happy blending of pathos and wit in 'A
Jolly American Tramp.' The cast con
tains the names of such well and favor
able known players as Charley Mc
Williamswho plays 'Happy Jack.' the
tramp; Pearl Hoye, the dainty little
soubrette star; Elizabeth Taylbr, the
well known comic opera prima donna,
late of the Castle Square company;
Elinor Dunbar, a clever oharacter Irish
woman, and in fact every part is in the
hands of a competent person. The play
will be strong in musical and vaudeville
numbers. Prioes 25-35-50.
Following is a list of unclaimed mail
matter remaining in the post office at
Columbus, Nebraska, for the period end
ing March 10, 1909:
Letters Edward Boreson (with On
Trial For His Life Co), George Becker.
Miss Bertha Fultz, Joe Hyman, W E
Hacker, Carl Holtz worth, George Nasho,
J W Pitchford 2, I R Spurlock, W E
Thaoker, Mrs Fred Wing.
Cards J B Eicherly, J B Lamb, Don
Parties calling for any of the above
will please say advertised.
Carl Kramer, P. M.
POSSIBLY NAME WAS "LOOIE."
Anyway, Sleepy Passenger Objected
to Being Called "Bill."
There was a passenger on a Chest
nut street car the other day who was
peacefully dozing not, it was quite
evident, through having had too little
eleep, but through having had too
When the conductor approached for
the fare the somnolent one paid no
attention whatever, but continued to
sojourn in the land of dreams.
"Hey, wake up! Give us yer fare
there!" sang out the conductor.
Snores from Peaceful Valley.
"Hey, wake up!"
Deep calm and content. The con
ductor grew morn vehement. Ha
leaned over and plucked the passen
ger's sleeve. With a start the som
nolent one regained consciousness.
"Hey. Bill," remarked the con
ductor, "give us yer fare."
The other stared at the conductor.
"Hurry up, BUI!"
"Bill" turned pale with fury.
"How how!" he thundered, while
all the other passengers jumped in
alarm, "how you know my name aint
And until that was satisfactorily an
swered by the conductor there was no
fare forthcoming.-PhIladelphia Ledger.
ROSE TO DIPLOMATIC HEIGHT.
Young Man Proved Decidedly Equal
to the Occasion.
Harold visits on terms of Intimacy
a household that boasts of three good,
looking sisters Betty, Babbie and
Ellen and of these Harold has not
yet quite made up his mind touching
a certain important contingency.
On one occasion, when he had called
early and no one was yet downstairs,
Harold was half-dozing in a Morris
chair in the library, when suddenly a
pair of soft little hands covered his
ayes and a sweet little voice com
manded: "Guess who!"
Immediately Harold was up a tree.
He couldn't for the life of him de
termine whose voice it was Betty's?
Babble's? Ellen's? A wrong guess
would mean complications too awful
to contemplate. Finally, however, a
happy solution of the difficulty offered
itself, and Harold blandly announced:
"It's the dearest, sweetest little girl
in all the world!"
"Dear Harold," murmured the young
thing, as she removed her hands.
Here Is what a recognized authority
says on the subject: "In spoken lan
guage, pronunciation Is the most strik
ing element, and thus it happens that
it is, more than any other one thing,
the most obvious test of general cul
ture. Even in a speaker of recognized
ability, his mispronunciations fall
harshly upon the ear, and cause the
hearer to suspect that his early, if not
later, education has been wanting in
polish, or that he has not been accus
tomed to the society of tefined and
cultivated people." Surely this writer,
does not overestimate the case or ex
aggerate, in any way. the importance
of correct pronunciation.
And the Others?
The other-people's-buslness man per
sisted in trying to extract informa
tion from a prosperous looking el
derly man next to him in the Pullman
smoker. "How many people work in
your officer he asked. "Oh," said the
elderly man, getting up and throwing
away his cigar, "I should say, at a
rough guess, about two-thirds of
And Few Have Beth.
It takes ten pounds of common sense
to carry one pound of learning. Per
Faithfulness la In the Few.
frieadahaa ae friends,
OLD MAN REFLECTS
SOME PERTINENT OBSERVATIONS
BY MR. GROUCH.
In Thia Case He Takes Note of Things
Women Say About Their Hus
bandsLiver Tonic About
What He Needs.
Although she knows perfectly well
that you can be the wooziest kind of a
sentimentalist, even on occasions
when you are unfed, she will per
sistently work in that frazzled, moss-"
covered promidiom. "The way to a
man's heart lies through his stomach."
Let her. They'd die if deprived of
their favorite wheezes, of which this is
She tells you that before you were
married you were only too eager to
stoop down and tie her shoes lace
when It became untied on the street.
Now, however, you er you Well,
prisoner at the bar, what have you to
say to that? Guilty as indicted. Re
manded for sentence.
She Is fond of quoting the somewhat
gulpy, tremolo music observations of
the emotional type of famous men
about how much they owe of their
"greatness" to their mothers.
Beware this deadfall. She wants
you to pay a little tribute to your
mother so that she can say: "But,
mercy sakes alive! you don't call
yourself great, do you?"
She Insists upon telling you every
word of what Mrs. Gitapp said, and
what she herself said in reply, and
you rest your book in your lap and
pretend to be profoundly immersed ia
her somewhat piffly and pointless nar
rative. But begin to tell her something In
which you yourself are peculiarly in
terested and observe how quickly
she'll get into an unhealing trance, or
stare out of the window, or start to
play with the kitten, or something.
She never forgets to remind you.
particularly when you're in a blithe,
chirpy humor, about how that gloom
creating bald spot of yours seems to
be spreading every day. But just you
happen to mention those tell-tale hol
lows that are beginning to appear at
the sides of her chin, and see what
happens, that's all!
Merely mention, by way of making
talk, that her just-departed caller ap
peared to possess a somewhat high
pitched, raucus voice, and she'll in
stantly declare that It's a perfect
shame and degradation the way you
positively loathe and despise all of her
friends, and that "pretty soon it'll get
so that everybody I know will be
afraid to come near me."
Drop downtown just one evening by
yourself, and at breakfast the next
morning you'll have an even-money
chance of hearing that old, old plaint:
"I must be becoming perfectly hideous
or something, for you never take me
anywhere any more."
She'll sit in a bad light of an eve
ning and embroider a shirt-waist un
til her eyes are all but dropping out of
her head. But ask her to sew a bat
ton on your pajamas and she'll tell
you that you just must try to pull the
buttons off your garments when you
Ever notice how she positively de
lights in telling the prettiest women
that come to your home how terrific
ally you snore? Chicago Journal.
Fact and Fiction.
"Well! Well! Is this Unele Charlie
Seaver?" greeted the city visitor.
"I'm glad to see you and hope to have
a very pleasant ride out to the farm
in your old buckboard behind the bay
team. If there is anything I have
counted on it is the pleasure of a
ride over these mountain roads on the
farm buckboard behind the old team."
"Err yes, this is Uncle Charlie
Seaver, though I ain't nowise an uncle
yet," drawled "Uncle Charlie," as he
crushed the city visitors fingers in his
horny hand. "Glad you come. You'll
have a good time. I'm sorry, though,
to disappoint ye fust off about that
buckboard, but I think you'll find this
40-horsepower car pretty comfortable.
The old buckboard followed the mort
gage five years ago come these good
prices for crops." Bohemian.
A Mean Trick.
"I understand that there was
trouble over at your house last night."
"There certainly was."
"Anything secret about it?"
"Not so far as my part In It goes.
I had heard how Gov. Patterson of
Tennessee wears trousers which con
tain no pockets, so I just' had my
tailor make me a pocketless pair."
Well, my wife .wrestled with them
in the dark for an hour, then she
sneaked out of doors and examined
them by moonlight, then she came in
and turned on the light and I laughed,
then the trouble started." Exchange.
"Do you know," said the cheerful
idiot, "that it is the easiest thing in
the world to tell whether a man is
going for his holidays or returning, by
the way he carries his portmanteau?"
"I never thought of that," said the
simple young man. '.'What is. the dif
ference?" "It is just this way," he went on.
'When a man is going away he carries
his portmanteau toward the railway
station, and when he is comnlg back
he carries it in the other direction."
The Missionary And what course
do you intend to take with me?
The Savage Chief Oh, the ordinary
one; you'll follow the fish. Sketch.
4 Dishpan Suicide.
Race suicide has resulted in one
commercial contraction that not even
President Roosevelt ever counted on.
It has caused 'dlshpans to grow
"Where arc the enormous dlshpans
of yesterday?" queried a woman shop
per. "The kind that you could pile all
the dishes used by a family of IS
into at one time?"
"They don't make them any more,"
aid the clerk, "because there are ne
families of 11. Smaller families mean
fewer dishes to wash, and the alse of
inn laaeaaa ana annua- aaennii
DEAL LIGHTLY WITH THE DUNCE.
Reasons Why Some Children Simply
A small coterie of French doctors is
at ' present studying school children,
and has at the moment under its es
pecial observation that infantile phe
nomenon known as the dunce. The
existence of the dunce Is frequently to
be attributed, they declare, to faulty
nygienic environment, unsuitable food
or tactless treatment. Incidentally
they assert that a disposition for
mathematical studies is no criterion
of a capacity for original or vigorous
thought, and that the ability to deal
with numbers is often observable in
the very weak of mind, says the New
The dunce, they say, is often any
thing but a dunce. The poor child
may suffer from weakness of sight, or
Incipient deafness, and his teacherf
fail to note the fact. Morbid shyness
and self-consciousness, often charac
teristic in children, are the so-called
dullard's inability to learn. All chil
dren do not progress with the same
alertness. The phenomenon of grown
ups who are ten years behind their
age, in regard to mentality, has been
noted by all physicians. Corvisart,
Napoleon's doctor, declaring that
these minds often prove the finest
when they reach their maturity, and
that the fact of their backwardness is
invariably a sign that a ripe old age
will be reached.
The personal character of children?
say these French doctors, requires to
be trained in respect to pluck, initia
tive and interest, before the purely
mental attributes can be expected to
come into play. Children who evince
a dislike to play should be taught that
success in play and kindred matters
is the surest guaranty of success in
the great game of life later on. Par
ticular care must be taken in the
selection of schools and school-surroundings
for children who are un
usually fat or overgrown, or who show
a tendency to be what is known as
"old-fashioned." When children are
likely to become the butts of their
companions, parents cannot be too
careful in deciding as to how they
shall be trained. Observation and the
advice of physical attributes, are the
safest guides if the rearing of whole
some men and women be, as it
should be, the end of early education.
"Old Cy" Loves the Mazuma.
Cy Young, the grand old Trojan
among baseball men, is said to be one
sf the most economical men in the
business. Unglaub, the new player
that Washington recently secured
Trom Boston, tells this story on
It appears that when the Boston club
was in Cleveland, which is not very
many miles from Cy Young's big farm,
Cy wished to telephone some instruc
tions to his farm manager, and he re
sorted to the long distance telephone
as a means of quick communication.
While Cy was telephoning, Unglaub
and McConnell happened to stroll up
to the telephone booth. When Young
had ceased talking and was getting
the necessary change out of his pocket
to pay for his message, McConnell,
who is a youngster just fresh from col
lege said to Young:
"Consider the long distance tele
"Yes," broke la Young with a wry
expression on his countenance, as he
began counting his change, "and see
how quickly it makes you short."
How Presidents Died.
Death came to presidents and for
mer presidents of the United States in
the following ways: Washington's
death was due to acute laryngitis;
Adams, Madison and Monroe, prac
tically to old age; Jefferson, chronic
diarrhea; John Quincy Adams, paraly
sis; Jackson, dropsy; Van Buren,
catarrhal affections of the throat and
lungs; William Henry Harrison, pleu
risy; Tyler, cause of death not given
by biographers; Polk, cholera; Tay
lor, cholera morbus, combined with a
severe cold; Fillmore, paralysis;
Pierce, dropsy, Buchanan, rheumatic
gout; Lincoln, Garfield and McKinley,
assassinated; Johnson, paralysis;
Grant, cancer at the root of the
tongue; Hayes, neuralgia of the heart;
Arthur, heart trouble; Benjamin Har
rison, pneumonia, and Grover Cleve
land, heart failure following a compli
cation of diseases.
Time's Changes in Venezuela.
Venezuela received its musical
name from the early Spanish resi
dents, who saw a resemblance to
Venice in the sites of the inland cities.
The llanos, or bleak plains, on which
the Uaneros live a precarious life,
have largely changed their character
since Humboldt saw them. Then
these- great plains of grass supported
Innumerable herds of cattle; but civil
war led to the destruction of the
beasts to feed the insurgents. The
llanos are now rapidly becoming a
potential source of timber.
Best Medicine Is Sleep.
The best nerve food In the world is
sleep. Good, sound, refreshing sleep
will do more to replenish the nerve
centers and build up a fagged brain
than anything that can be devised.
Nervous people ought to cultivate the
practice of sleeping after dinner. A
short nap after the noon meal will
strengthen the nerves, and make It
much more liable that the rest of the
day will be spent in some sort of
Fright Result in Paralysis.
An engineer at a paper works at
Essonne, France, recently pushed an
other employe into a big dye tub for
a joke. When the victim had
changed his clothes he returned to the
works, and, seizing the engineer, made
as though to drop him over the para
pet on the second floor. The engineer
was so frightened that paralysis en
sued, the whole of his" right side
being seized. His condition is very
"Ha fa a professional gambler, is
"No, n professional gambler never
"Deo he take chances?"
"Ha'a going to gat married." ;
MUST HAVE HONEY
CHECK DOES NOT GO WITH YOUR
Even Men Whose Names Are Synony
mous with Dollars in Millions
Have to Put Up the Actual
Where is the private citizen who
would refuse to accept a Vanderbilt,
Astor, Morgan, Rokefeller, Gould, o
other millionaire's check in payment
for a bill for services rendered? Yet
Uncle Sam will not when it comes tc
settling up for customs duties on im
ported personal effects of ocean trav
elers. Even a "certified" check does not
serve to remove the financial credulity
of the nation's treasurer, as several
millionaires who recently arrived from
Europe discovered when they ten
dered "guaranteed" checks in payment
for the introduction of foreign goods
for household use.
There is not a bank or financial in
stitution in the country but which
will accept a certified check as the
equivalent of good, hard cash. Uncle
Sam demands the coin of the realm
however, and will not admit, as it is
technically called, any dutiable article
until he gets It.
Not long since C. Oliver Iselln, the
yachtsman, whose fortune is estimated
at seven figures, arrived from England
in a White Star liner and offered his
check for $2,000 in payment of duty
on some curios which he bought
"I am sorry, Mr. Iselin, but we are
not permitted to take anything but
currency," said Deputy Collector Wil
Hams. The Corinthian navigator ot
several America's cup defenders
smiled incredulously, although he was
in a hurry to get away from the piei
to catch a train.
Mr. IselinNsent one of his accom
panying valets downtown and secured
the requisite cash, saying with a laugh
as he turned it into the branch cus
tom house on the pier:
"I suppose the government must be
careful who it deals with."
Another millionaire whose check
was declined under similar circum
stances showed his displeasure by
threatening all sorts of official pun
ishment, and ended with the state
ment that he would have the "silly
regulation" revoked If he was obliged
to spend his last dollar in doing so
He was still sputtering and fuming
when "Barney" Biglin, the veteran
politician, came upon the scene and
lent the millionaire $1,750 to pay the
indebtedness to the government.
"What makes me mad," said the mil
lionaire to Biglin, "is that I, who car.
raise ten millions in half an hour, and
that over the telephone, should be
held up for a paltry $1,750. A rule
like that Is outrageous."
The rule has not been revoked, how
ever, despite the millionaire's threats
and Uncle Sam is doing a strictly cash
business at the same old stand.
They resembled balls from a Chrls
mas tree tiny glass balls, bright red,
yellow, green, blue, filled with a few
drops of some clear liquid.
"They are ether balls,", said the psy
chologist. "They are composed of gel
atine, like the capsuloids you swallow
for indigestion, and inside them is just
enough ether to make you happy with
out putting you to sleep.
"Etheromania continues to Increase,
and etheromanes keep devising novel
ways of taking the baneful narcotic
The ether ball Is a new and popular
A group of etheromanes, lying to
gether on silk divans, break under one
another's nostrils these bright balls.
The sweet, subtle fumes of the ether
are inhaled, and the ether drunkards
dream their strange ether dreams.
"I cure many of them by means of
hypnotism. Just now, at the New
Year, the season of good resolutions
and reforms. I shall be unusually suc
cessful in my cures."
"Dime Novel Days."
Marathon mad! When a mere child
I read a story I think it was a dime
novel about an Indian runner; prob
ably a ten-cent Beadle; among the
first of the ten-centers, and far more
wholesome than the salacious ten-cent
era of the present day of eroticism
The winning of the west was due
largely to the dime novel. I never
read one that did not tend to enlarge
a boy's love of outdoor sport and clean
adventure. There was nothing that
could not be read at the family fire-'
side. Yet some one started a crusade
against the dime novel, and after 20
years it was partly eradicated that
Is, it was forced to give way to the
cheap tales of city dens and dives.
New York Press.
"Can you help me, ma'am?" asked
the itinerant at the door. "I was
burned out last night and lost every
thing." "Lost everything?"
"Yes, everything, ma'am."
"Well, you don't seem to have lost
your nerve. You were around here
last week and told me the same
Bill Board Space Given to Club.
A space ten feet square on a bill
board facing Lafayette square, in New
Orleans, has been given to the mem
bers of the New Era club by Junius
Garrick, and will be made to help In
the suffrage campaign the club is car
rying on. Each week important facts
concerning the movement will be an
nounced on the space.
Courage at the Counter.
Snccess never yet came to the man
who lost courage at the first rebuff;
but many men have courted failure
by allowing the Inevitable disappoint
menU of an imperfect world to check
their efforts. Prom the Grocer.
The desire to get to heaven would
be more general than It Is If a good
many people, were not of the opinion
that the gold with which the streets
there are paved must be, nailed down.
Columbus - - Nebraska
.Will be held on the
Monday, March 15, 1909
Monday, March 29, 1909
Monday, April 12, 1909
Monday, April 26, 1909
I always have from 200 to 250 horses for
every sale, besides a number of good spans
of mules and farm mares, and have sold
every horse that was in condition at every
sale this season. Parties selling horses in
my sales should be in by 10 o'clock in order
to get them listed.
Anyone wishing to get their names on
my mailing list can have it by sending me
your name and address.
CASE OF THE POLITE PEONS.
And the Engineer Who Knew Little
Spanish and Tried to Boss Them.
An engineer who came up a while
ago from Mexico told a story about a
man in his line who had -itue.- Urn
ited knowledge of Spanish but fancied
'.hat by combining what he knew and
some English he could make the peons
employed on the railway understand.
In his vocabulary were these words:
Para, stop; ustedes hombres, younien;
piedras, stones, and via. road. One day
this engineer was walking np the track
and saw a lot of peons standing around
doing nothing. So he stopped and
"Ustedes hombres, why are you
standing around idle? Take those
piedras and throw them in the middle
of the via."
The always polite Mexicans smiled
and said, "Si, senor," and the engineer
marched away. Then they debated
what he meant and decided he wanted
the stones thrown on the other side o!
the track. They started to do that
and back came the engineer.
"Para, ustedes hombres, para! Didn't
ustedes hombres hear what I said?
Didn't I tell ustedes hombres to take
those piedras and throw them in the
middle of the via? Why don't you do
what I said?"
And he marched away, as the peons
said suavely, "Si, senor."
They had another consultation and
decided that what he wanted was to
have the piedras thrown clear across
the track in the other direction. So
they began, again, tossing the stones
back again. The engineer came rush
ing back, shouting:
"Para, para! What is the matter
with ustedes hombres? Do ustedes
hombres take me for a fool?"
He paused and, believing that he
had come to the end of his speech the
peons bowed gravely and said: "Si,
The Mission of Jimmy.
There were two methods of com
munication in Cove City, both of which
were equally effective. One was the
telephone, which from a single, iso
lated case bad developed into an epi
demic, and the other, which enjoyed
the dignity of precedence and estab
lished custom, was to tell Jimmy Pal
lows. . . . As a general retires to
a hilltop to organize his forces and
issue orders to his subordinates, sc
Jimmy hung upon his front fence and
conducted the affairs of the town. He
knew what time each farmer came
in, where the "Helping Hands" were
going to sew, where the doctor was
and where the services would be held
next Sunday. He was coroner, wharf
master, undertaker and notary, and
the only thing in the heavens above or
the earth below concerning which he
did not attempt to give information
was the arrival of the next steamboat
From Alice Hegan Rice's "Mr. Opp,'
Dickens Stories in China.
The Chinese are rapidly taking up
western ideas, and translations of
English and French novels are now
in increasing demand. Our romantic
and sentimental treatment of love af
fairs, however, is a thing so foreign tc
oriental ethics that the hero of the
ordinary European novel appears to
the Chinese mind as a persoa of per
vertea moral sense and douotrui san
ity. Translations of Dickens, there
fore, impress the Chinese reader less
than they amuse him. and detective
stories and tales of adventure com
mand a more sympathetic audience.
To the celestial mind the love af
fairs of David Copperfield can only de
tract from the human interest of that
hero; a Chinese novelist would have
solved his difficulties by making him
woo and marry Dora and Agnes simul
taneously. So of course John China
man does not understand the pathos.
Nevertheless, Dickens' works com
mand a steady sale. Woman's Life.
True and Faithful.
One does not look for the whole
truth upon a tombstone, but there are
exceptions to the rule, as is shown
by the example furnished in a church
yard in Hagerstown, Md.
This touching epitaph runs as fol
lows, except that fictitious names have,
for obvious reasons, been substituted
here for the real ones:
Wife of Walter Jenkins.
Died December 20, 1884, aged 70
years nine months.
She was a true and faithful wife to
each of the following persons:
The Ruling Passion.
The man who twisted proverbs and
sold them to cheap magazines was
finally arrested for his misdemeanors
They overpowered him and put a
nice new, shiny set of manacles on
him. Did he assert his innocence? No.
He glanced at his handcuffs, and said
with a fiendish grin: "Fine fetters
make fine jailbirds."
Hicks So, Mr. Gayboy is going to
spend a fortnight at Old Orchard while'
his wife is in the mountains?
Wicks Ye3; what of it?
Hicks Oh, nothlBg only she ought
to tie a string around his fiager to re
mind him he is married.
Little Freddy Pop, why don't my;
nurse wear that band on her arm?
Father Why should she, my son?
Little Freddy Well, she's a red,
cross nurse, all right.
Rest for Our Intelligence.
Ignorance, considered alone and
aside from truth with which it fe sn
sweetly harmonious, is rest for our
inteliigence; it maks us forget our
past evils, dissimulates the present
Dnes; in fine, it is a boon, since it
comes to us from nature. Barnardia
The Wife's Tribute.
"Your husband wor a good man,"
declared the sympathetic Mrs. Casey
to the bereaved widow. "He wor!"
exclaimed Mrs. Murphy, dashing the
tears from her eyes. "No two police-'
mln cud handle him." Tit-Bits.
All Men Subject to Error.
A man must have a great deal of
vanity who believes, and a good deal
of boldness who affirms, that all the.
rejects are false. Benjamin FranklioJ
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