The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, January 27, 1909, Image 6

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

    Pi
St 1
i'f!
.'
i
E
I
&
i
II
SEE
U
:M
I
9
"5
KJ
L
lf
;-.
n
?
,'fi
11
St
i
I
EVERYTHIHBsS FAVORABLE
SORRY H0.U2H7;MOYE TO WEST-
ERM CANADA 3EF0RE.
BTrl Austin' was a man who had
never; bad any previous experience iu
farming, but Western. Canada had' al
lurements, 'itad he profiled. He got a
low-rate certificate from a Canadian
Government agent, and ihea moved.
What he says is intcresling:
"Ranfmly. Alberta. May 10'OS.
"J. N.:Gr!eve, Esqr.. Spokane. Wash
ington. Dear Sir- After a dozen or
more years of unsuccessful effort in
the mercantile business in Western
Washington, in August. 1903, decided
to come to Alberta with a gentleman
wbofwas-skipping two cars live stock
toEdmontou.- I assisted thi.-; man
with 'the ' stock over cue hundred
miles out in the 'Birch Lake Country,
East oKEdmonlon. Indeed, how sur
prised, how favorably everything com
pared with, my dream of what 1 want
ed to see in'a new country.
"Had neverT had any exe:ience in
farming, but I was immediately con
verted into a farmer. And ?rom that
moment I have prospered. Select ins
a homestead near Birch Lr.ke, 1 re
turned for "wife and three small chil
dren and ireightcd oat from Edmonton
in March following year we shoveled
a spot clear of snow and pitched ..our
tent .and commenced operations', at
that time we had no neighbors Four
years bave-ssscd. the locality is wcB
settled, two miles from railway sta
tion, '"with churches a::d schools, tele
phone and good road accommodations.
"We are enjoying the privileges
granted to any rural district in
Washington. The Birch Lake Coun
try is no exception, this great trans
formation Is rapidly poiug on in every
district ia Western Canada.
'1 estimate that every quarter sec
tion in ever' direction is capable of
producing a comfortable living for a
family bf ten ret ever. After paying
for two horr.es Mid u cow had st
$10.00' to go on. Did my first j:o inn
ing in my life. I was ery awfcwani in
tny' work, bat nature was glad and 1 was
abuhdantly paid for my effort-;. Our
cattle has increased to about fifty
head, which was very profitable on ac
count of the abundance of forage. To
farm was compelled tn buy about four
hundred dollars' worth of farm ma
chinery on time, and the payments fell
due last fall, and you may wonder how
I expected to pay for them when we
had such a bad year. Twas a little
bad for Western Canada or for a Mis
sourian. But is not "' or 40 bushels
6ats a pretty good yield ptr acre in
many States? Then the price of
grain went out of sight, so when I had
sold my crop I fo-ad I was able to
make my payments nicely, besides we
had Jots of feed. No ov. l.su- '-!y busi
ness raising cati'e -vithout growing
grain, or vice versa. As to the winters,
did not feed my cattle, excepting the
calves, a fork of hay until in March.
Have found the winters much more
pleasant than we did in Western Wash
ington. This is strange and hard to
explain, but 'tis true, nevertheless, at
40 degrees below zero we hve more
comfort than you would at "" .-egrees
above, so still and dry wit, bright,
"sunny days. lily wife says that the
only regret she has is tlint vo did not
come here ten year., ago. as we would
now certainly have been .n a position
to retire from hard work. Most wom
en soon become satisfied as neigh
bors begin to come round thorn.
Have 9S acres in crop this year,
besides two acres potatoes, which
have 'always brought me a fair
price. We find a ready moiket for
everything we produce. To the Poor
Man He:e is a chance to establish
yourself. To the Rich Man Here is a
chance to buy land for $10.00 to $13.00
per acre which will produce more crops
than a half dozen acres cf your $30.00
to 75.00 per acre land. And if not
very much mistaken, this year will
prove an eye opener to those who are
a little sceptical. The trouble with
me is that I have so much to say so
' favorable to Alberta "lis hard to be'
brief. Respectfully.
(Signed) "P. S. AUSTIN."
ONE THING AT A TIME.
S.
"Have you noticed that the baroness
never talks about oth"r Women?"
"How could she? She is all the
time talking about herself."
Professor Munyoc has just Issued a
most beautiful, useful aud complete Al
manac; it contains uot only all the scien
tific information concerning the moon's
phases, in all the latitudes, but has il
lustrated articles on how to read char
acter by phrenology, palmistry and
birth month. It also tells all about
card reading, birth stones and their
meaning, and gives the interpretation
of dreams. It teaches beauty culture,
manicuring, gives weights and meas
ures, and antidotes for poison. In fact,
it is a, Magazine Almanac, that not
only gives valuable information, but
will afford much amusement for every
member of the family, especially for
paities and evening entertainments.
'Fanners and people in the rural dis
tricts will find this Almanac almost
invaluable.
It will, be sent to anyone absolutely
-free on application to the" M UN YON
REMEDY COMPANY. PHILADEL
PHIA. Editorial Verdict.
From 'aserrou3-mindcd jester the
'editor received this note, together
with a consignment of humor that was
heavy enough to go by freight :v
"Dear Sir: I-read all these jokes to
ay wife, and she laughdd heartily.
Now. I have it on good authority that
when a man's vwite will laugh' at his,.
Jokes they'ar bound to be very good'
i or she is. Yours, etc."
The editor slipped them into the re
turn envelope with the letter, after
. writing on the margin: "She is."
It Certainty Is.
"You shouldn't cast your pearls be
ftre swine.r - ..; ; - .
"I know ri; but it's hard telling who
. the kdg these days."
mjxtnJKfKJjf''' iiitiii" " '
W0NA
HE DESCRIBES AN
We thought when we came to
Africa, we would be near to nature,
where -the natives were simple and
honest, but Pa has found that the al
most naked negroes can give the white
men cards and spade3 and little casino
and then beat them at the game.
Pa has been blackmailed- arid scared
out of his boats and a lot of mouey,
by an injured husband, as natural a3
he could have beau film-flammed in
New York.
Wc noticed that Pa was quite inter
ested in a likely negro woman, one of
20 wives of a heathen, to the extent
of having her wash his shirts, and he
would linger at the tent of the hus
band and teach the woman some
words of English, such as. "yon bet
ypmvlife," and "not en your life." and
a few cuss words which she se?:ned to
enjoy repeating.
She was a real nice looking nigger,
and smiled on Pa to beat the band,
but that was all. Of course she en
joyed having Pa call on her. and evi
dently showed her interest in him. but
that seemed only natural as Pa is a
nice, clean white man with clothes on
and she looked upon him as a sort of
king, until the other wives became
jealous, and they filled the husband
up with stories about Pa and the
young negress, but Pa was as innocent
as could be. Where Ii nude the mis
take was Jin taking hold of her hand
and looking at the lines in. lier palm,
to read 'her future by ihe lines in
her hand, and as Pa Is some near
sighted he had to -bend over her hand
and then she stroked Pa's bald head
with the other hand, and the othei
Pa Made a Lunge and Fell en Top of the Little Elephant, Which Began to
Make a Noise Like a Baby.
wives went off and left Pa and the
voting wife alone, and they called the
husband to put a stop to It.
Well, I never saw a giant- nesjro so
mad as that husband was whn lie
came into the tent and saw Pa. and
Pa was scared and turned pale, and
the woman had a tit when she saw her
husband with a 'baseball club with
spikes on it. He took his wife, by the
neck and threw her out of the tent,
and then closed the tent and he and
Pa "were alone, and for an hour no
one knew what happened, but when
Pa came back to our camp, wobbly in
the legs, and with not much clothes
en, we knew the worst had happened.
Pa told Mr. Hagenbach that the
negro acted like a human being. He
cried and told Pa he had broken into
his family circle and picked the fairest
flower, broken his heart and left him
an irresponsible and broken man. the
laughing stock of his friend, and
nothing but Pa's life or his money
could settle it
Pa offered to give up his life, but
the injured husband had rather have
the money, and after an hour Pa com
promised by giving him $10 and his
coat, pants and shirt, and Pa is to
have the wife in the bargain. Pa
didn't want to take the wife, bur the
husband insisted on it. and Mr. Hagen
bach says we can take her to America
and put her into the show as an un
tamed Zulu, or a missing link, but he
Insists that Pa shall be careful here-
Manias Are Epidemics.
Manias and delusions are mental
phenomena, but they are social. They
are diseases of the mind, but they are
epidemic. They are contagious, not
as cholera is contagious, but contact
to others is essential to them. They 1
are mass phenomena. Prof. W. G.
Sumner, in "Folkways."
Feinting.
Statistics Of the 1,001 young wom
en who fainted last year 9S7 fell into
the arms of men; two fell en the. floor
and one into a water butt. Life.
Relation of Body and Mind
Assertion; Made That No Healthy Per
son Is Wholly Bad.
The close relation of body and mind
in the matter of physical health, of
which so muck is said by various re
ligious and semi-religious organiza
tions and by a class of professional
'healers," is considered from a fresh
"point of view by an English clergy
man. His argument is that no per
ELEPHANT HUNT
after with his fatal beauty and win
ning ways, cr we shall have more ne
gro women to bring back than animals
in cages.
Talk about your innocent negroes;
they will cheat you out of your boots.
Pa went off In the jungle to buy
animals of a negro king or some kind
of a nine spot, and he found the king
had in a corral half a dozen green
zebras, the usual yellow stripes being
the most beautiful green you ever saw.
The king told Pa it was a rare species
only procured in a mountain fastness
hundreds of miles away, and Pa
bought the whole bunch at a fabulous
price, and brought them to camp. Mr.
Hagenbach was tickled to death at
the rare animals, and praised Pa, and
said there was a fortune in the green
and black striped zebras. I thought
there was something wrong when I
heard one of those zebras bray like a
mule when he was eating hay, but it
wasn't my put in, and I didn't say
anything.
That night there was the greatest
rain we have had since we came here,
and in the morning the green and
black striped zebras hadn't a stripe on
them, and they proved to be nothing
but wild asses and assesses, white
and dirty, and all around the corral
the water standing on the ground was
colored green and black.
Mr. Hagenbach took Pa out to the
corral and pointed to the wild white
mules and said, "What do you think
of your green zebras now?" Pa looked
them over and said: "Say, that negro
king is nothing but a Pullman porter,
and he painted those mules and sawed
them onto me," so we had to kill Pa's
green zebras and feed them to the
negroes and the animals. Mr. Hagen
bach told Pa plainly that he couldn't
stand for such conduct. He said he
was willing to give Pa carte blanche,
whatever that 'is, in his love affairs in
South Africa, but he drew the line at
being bunkoed on painted animals. He
believed Jn encouraging art, and all
that, but animals that wouldn't wash
were not up to the Hagenbach stand
ard. Pa wont off and sulked all day, but
he made good the next day.
Our intention was to let elephants
alone until we were about to return
home, as they are so plenty we can
find them any day, and after you have
once captured your elephants you have
got to cut hay to feed them, but Pa
gets some particular animal bug in
his head, and the management has to
let him have his way, so the other day
was his elephant day, and he started
off through the jungle with only a few
men, and the negro wife that he horn
swoggled the husband out of. Pa said
He was going to use her for a pointer
to point elephants, the same as they
use dogs to point chickens, and when
we got about a mile into the jungle
he told her to "hie on" and find an
elephant. Well, sir, she has got the
best elephant nose I ever saw on a
woman. She ranged ahead and beat
the ground thoroughly, and pretty
soon she began to sniff and sneak up
English Regimental Customs.
A peculiar custom obtains in the
Twelfth Lancers the .playing of the
Vesper Hymn, the Spanish Chant, and
the Russian National Hymn every
night of the . year after the "Last
Post" has sounded. It is said that the
playing of the Vesper Hymn orig
inated in one of the officers' wives pre
senting the regiment with a new set
of instruments on condition that the
hyn.n was played every night after the
"Last Post." The playing of the
son" who is healthy can be wholly bad.
The cleryman further expressed the
conviction that there is a close con
nection between health and morals,
and that the man who has reached
middle age in a sound bodily condition
thereby proves that he has led a de
cent life. In support of his position
he advanced the assertion that a
large proportion of the convicts in
English prison, are physical degener-j
on the game, and all of a sudden she
cameto a point and held up one foot,
and her eyes stuck out, and Pa said
the game was near, and he told her
to "charge down," and we went on to
surround the elephant. Pa was ahead
and lie saw a baby elephant not big
ger than a Shetland pear, looking
scared, and Pa made a lunge and fell
on top of the little elephant which
began to make a noise like a baby that
After an Hour Pa Compromised by
Giving Him Sixteen Dollars, His
Coat, Shirt and Pants.
wants a bottle of milk, and we cap
tured the little thing and started for
camp with it, but before we got in
sight of camp all the elephants in
Africa were after' us crashing through
the timber and trumpeting like a
menagerie.
Pa and a cowboy and some negroes
lifted the little elephant up into a
tree, and the whole herd surrounded
us, and were going to tear down the
tree, when the camp was alarmed and
Hagenbach came out with all the men
and negroes on horseback, and they
drove the herd into a canyon, and built
a fence across the entrance, and there
we had about firty elephants in the
strongest kind of a corral, and we
climbed down from the tree with the
baby elephant and took it to camp,
and pfit it in a big bag that Pa's air
ship was shipped in, and we are feed
ing the little animal on condensed
milk and dried apples.
We have got a tame elephant that
was bought to use on the wild ele
phants, to teach them to be good, and
the next day Pa was ordered to ride
the tame elephant into the corral to
get the wild animals used to society.
Pa didn't want to go but he had
bragged so much about the way he
handled elephants with the circus in
the States that he couldn't back out,
and so they opened the bars and let
Pa and his tame elephant in, and
closed the bars.
I think the manager thought that
would be the end 6t Pa. and the men
all went back to camp figuring on
whether there would be enougli left
of Pa to bury or send home by ex
press, or whether-the elephants would
walk on Pa until he was a part of the
soil. In about an hour we saw a white
spot on a rock above the canyon, wav
ing a piece of shirt, and we watched
it with glasses, and soon wesaw a fat
man climbing down on the outside,
and after awhile Pa came sauntering
into camp, across the veldt with his
coat on his arm, and his sleeves rolled
up like a canvasman in a show, sing
ing, "A Charge to Keep I Have." Pa
came up to the mess tent and asked if
lunch was not ready, and he was sur
rounded by the men and asked how
he got out alive. Pa said: "Well, there
is not much to tell, only when I got
into the corral the whole bunch made
a rush for me and ny tame elephant.
I stood on my elephant and told them
to lie down, and they got on their
knees, and then I made them walk
turkey for a while, and march around,
and then they struck on doing tricks
and began to shove my elephant and
get saucy, so I stood up on my ele
phant's head and looked tite wild ele
phants in the eyes, and made them
form a pyramid until I could reach a
tree that grew over the bank of the
canyon, and I climbed out and slid down
as you saw me. There was, nothing to
it but nerve," and Pa began to eat
corned zebra and bread as though he
was at a restaurant.
"Now," says Pa, as he picked his
teeth with a thorn off a tree, "to-morrow
we got to capture a mess of wild
African lions, right in their dens,
cause the gasoline has come by
freight, and the airship is mended, and
you can look out for a strenuous ses
sion, for I found a canyon where the
lions are thicker than prairie dogs in
Arizona," and Pa laid down for a lit
tle sleeping sickness, so I guess we
will have the time of our lives to-morrow
and Pa has promised me a baby
lion for a pet
(Copyright. 190S. by W. G. Chapman.)
(Copyright In Great Britain.)
Spanish Chant is declared to be a
penance for the sacking of a convent
during the Peninsular war. No reason
is assigned for the playing of the Rus
sian National Anthem.
Not Worried.
"Doesn't it make you nervous
to
have your son play football?"
"Oh. no, I don't mind it a bit. He
is only my stepson, you know." C Ji
cago Record-Herald.
ates. From this it would seem that
he does not confine his designation of
"badness" to the vices involved in in
temperance and other forms of sensual
dissipation, but, since convicts arc
guilty of many things apart from
these, as theft, burglary, forgery and
the like, holds that they are led to
the perpetration of even this class of
crimes by a defective bodily state.
New York's Growth in Century.
New York city has added 4,100,000
to its population in the last century.
FMTHEH
Birifrday Diimsr, Ds.
5tar to IBs a, bsft
IHnfcertaiflnrjerji
A birthday dinner which is to be
given next week is so charming in its
appointments I can hardly wait to
tell about it for the benefit of others
who may claim the first month in the
year for their natal day. I used to
think that winter functions were not
half so pretty as summer ones, but of
late it seems as if nothing could be
more suggestive of hospitality than a
rcom warm with red and green deco
rations, quantities of candles and a
blazing fire in an open fireplace, with
out which no up-to-date house is com
plete. To return to onr dinner: The table
cloth is of cluny lace to be laid over
red silk, with a huge cake for the
center piece, surrounded by a wreath
of red candles and red carnations,
which do not fade as quickly as roses.
The mantelpiece is to be banked
with poinsettias, and a novel as well
as decorative feature will be the in
dividual and relish dishes, all to be of
red Bohemian glass. The place cards
are to have the verse for January writ
ten in red ink and they are to be deco
rated with red beads in lieu of gar
nets. The gift for the birthday girl is to
be a handsome garnet ring set in sil
ver, which will be presented on a ring
holder of red Bohemian glass. The
maid is to bring it in on a tray when
the dessert is served.
There are to be eight guests, all
college chums. After the dinner there
will be a theater party, chaperoned by
the birthday girl's mother. Afterward
there is to be a chafing dish supper,
with a delicious welsh rarebit. Each
girl is to ask her best boy friend to
this. It all sounds exciting, but as
this mother said to me: "You just
have to let them do things, so you
just might as well be in touch with
it all. It pays in the end to keep pret
ty close to your daughter."
Isn't she a wise woman? Would
there were more like her. She is the
same one who always sits up to wel
come her daughter home, no matter
how late the hour, and she is bright
and interested, too. And, what is
more, her first question is: "What
time is it?"
There is a whole sermon right there.
Ponder it ye who have young daughters
just entering into the joys of social
life.
A Guessing Contest.
I hope that the readers who have
requested new guessing contests will
appreciate this issue of the depart
ment, for there has been a special ef
fort made to get together as niany
new games as possible. The answers
to the following all end in "ure," and
they are all words in common use:
Where are cows, kf-pt Pasture
The mother of us all Nature
What students love Literature
To what many aspire Culture
A name applied to an animal. .Creature
What we should lay uptin heaven:...
Of what we do not have enough.. Leisure
Pfflett Ifoir
The hair ornaments of this season
before. This metal fillet, with gauze
accessory to the coiffure. The wings
crystals. They are mounted in front
over the top of the head.
ADAPTING DRESS TO THE FORM.
Trimmings of Gown, as Well as Mate
rial, Are Most Important.
Here is some good advice for stout
women and for those below the me
dium height:
For stout figures, arrange the trim
ming on the gown from the shoulder
to waist, and trim the sleeves up from
the wrist, or from the top of the sleeve
down, according to fashion. Or they
can be worn without trimming; in this
case the sleeve must be a very good
shape and perfect fit. Short women
should never wear deep flounces or too
manv small ones. All their dress trim-
jnine, to lcok well, must be put on
the gown lengthways, and the bodice
trimmed to correspond with the skirt.
Medium-sized women, if not too stout
or tco slenddr, can wear almost any
style of dress. At the same time they
must be careful to avoid any fashion
that will cause them to appear either
too stout or too short: and it is as
well to understand that quite light
and dark shades .of material without a
et pattern, when made up intodressts
by m& izrri9
Enjoyable Sycni
Suggestions.
What most grocers are not generous
with' r. Measurct
What artists, make. Miniature
What a. speaker uses Gesture
When one leaves Departure
A hole Aperturu
i
European Cities.
This contest was used to liven up
things before the regular game of
cards in which the club indulges once
a week. The cards were foreign pos
tals with thick white paper pasted
over the address side, on which tho
following questions were written:
Where Americans go when they die
Paris
A make of carpets Brussels
What housekeepers like in the cab
inet Dresden
Favorite name for a girl Florencw
Part of the neck-'and a Roman numer
al Naples
A toilet water Cologne
A house of prayer and a domestic ani
mal t. Moscow
Name of a famous modern writer.London
A girl's name and the French for
"good" Lisbon
A girl relative i Nice.
Interesting to Brides-Elect.
Thi8is an indent verselet that may
help a bride to be to decide upon th
month in which to launch her ship
upon the matrimonial sea:
Married in January's hoar and rime.
Widowed you'll be before your prime.
Married in February's sleety weather.
Life you'll tread in tune together.
Married when March winds shrill and
roar.
Your home will be on a foreign shore.
Married 'neath April's chanceful skies.
A checkered path before you lies.
Married when bees o'er May blooms Hit.
Strangers around your board will sit.
Married in month of roses June
Life will be one long honeymoon.
Married In July, with flowers ablaze.
Bitter-sweet memories In after days.
Married In August's heat and drowse.
Lover and friend in your chosen spouse.
Married in golden September's glow.
Smooth and serene your life will flow.
Married when leaves in October thin.
Toil and hardship for you begin.
Married in veils of November mist.
Dame Fortune your wedding ring has
kissed.
Married in days of December's cheer.
Love's star burns brighter from year to
year.
MADAME MERRI.
Many of the designs recall the old
polonaise of 1S60.
Faded colors are more in evidence
than the distinct shades.
Paris is smiling at present upon
metalized gold and silver net.
A color known as kingfisher is be
ing shown in the various shades.
Gold and silver lace is being used
for yokes instead of tulle and net.
Sleeves are never worn on ball
gowns nowadays except for the merest
apology.
Ribbons are playing a foremost part
in the construction of the new evening
gowns.
line Manir
are unlike those that girls have worn
wings, is probably the most popular
are of gold gauze, ornamented with
of a thin gold fillet which fits neatly
for short people, appear to add to the
length of the person, while any gay
light colors made the figure look just
the reverse; indeed, they too often
make a woman look both short and
stout, and this also applies to broad
dress trimmings.
A Curling Fluid.
Since it is the fashionable thing to
wear the hair in large waves at all
times, women have hunted in rain for
good curling fluids that will take the
place of the Marcel iron.
So far, no one has found a formula
that is infallible, but the following one
has been tried with good success. It
is not simple, and, therefore. th ma
jority may not care to indulge in it.
It is made of five-eighths of a dram
of carbonate of potash, half a dram of
ammonia water, two drams of extract
of violet, an ounce of glycerin, three
quarters of an ounce of rectified spirits
and half a pint of water.
The mixture stands bottled for ten
days and Is then strained. To use. the
hair is moistened and tied down in
large waves, which are combed out as
soon as it dries. Philadelphia Ledger.
IN W)QUE
OFTEN THE CASE.
Women Struggle Hopelessly Along,
Suffering Backache, Dizzy Spells,
Languor, Etc
Women have so much to go through
im life that it's a pity there is so much
suffering from back
ache and other com
mon curable kidney
ills. If you suffer so.
profit by this wom
an's example: Mrs.
Martin Douglass, 52
Cedar St, Kingston.
N. Y., says: "I had a
lama nriitnr t9j
diszv snells hpari-
aches, and a feeling of languor. Part
of the time I could not attend to my
work and irregularity of the kidney
secretions was annoying. Doan's Kid
ney Pills brought me prompt relief."
Sold by all dealers. 50c a box. Foe-ter-Milburn
Co., Buffalo. N. Y.
HIS FATE.
Mr. Dude I was thinking how much
I resemble your carpet always at
your feet, you know.
Miss Sly Yes. very much like my
carpet. I'm going to shake it soon.
SKIN ERUPTION CURED.
Was So Sore, Irritating and Painful
That Little Sufferer Could Not Sleep
Scratched Constantly.
Cuticura's Efficacy Clearly Proven.
"When about two and a half years
old my daughter broke out on her hips
and the upper parts of her legs with a
very irritating ami painful eruption. It
began in October; the first I noticed
was a little red surface and a constant
desire on hor part to scratch her limbs.
She could not sleep and the eruptions
got sore, and yellow water came out
of them. I had two doctors treat her,
but she grew worse under their treat
ment. Then I bought the Cuticura
Remedies and only used them two
week3 when she was entirely well.
This was in February. She has never
had another rough place on her skin,
and she is now fourteen years "old.
Mrs. R. R. Whitaker, Winchester,
Tcnn., Sept 22, 1908."
Pcttcr Drug & Chcu Corp., Soto Props. Boston,
Too Much for His Mind.
"My first impulses," walled the Sad
Eyed Individual, "are invariably good.
In fact, I think that I may venture,
without fear of undue exaggeration, to
say that they are very good. But I
never act on them! I always act on
second thoughts. This trait in my char
acter has ruined my career, because
my second thoughts are always bad!
In fact. I think I may say. without fear
of misrepresentation, that they're
punk."
"Well," suggested he who was lis
tening, "why don't you wait until
third thoughts, and act on them?"
Mournfully, despondently, the Sad
Eyed Individual shook his head.
"My dear sir," he groaned. "I never
had three successive thoughts about
anything in my life?"
Ready Theme.
"Archibald," called the wife of the
special writer, in excited tones.
"Don't bother me, Lucy." shouted
Her husband from his "den."
"Archibald." she persisted.
"Please keep quiet. Didn't I tell
you not to bother me when I am
busy?"
"But I must, dear. The children
have taken those six bottles of gold
paint you biught for the sas fixtures
and smeared it on the walls from gar
ret to ceilar."
"That so. Lucy? Well, don't let that
worry you. I'll just call it an inspira
tion and use it in an article entitled
'How r'hildren Brighten Up :'
House,' "
Uncertainty in Pittsburg.
It was Christmas eve ia Pittsburg.
The snow sparkled in the tin roofs
Far away could be seen the rubicund
glow of the coke ovens.
All was quiet in the home of the
Pittsburg official.
Suddenly a low tap resounded on the
outer door
"Hark. George!" said the official'3
wife. "Did you hear that? It may be
Santa Claus."
"It may be Santa Claus." said the
official, gloomily, "but I'll bet $4 it's
a deputy sheriff!"
And he arose asd put on his shoes.
JOY WORK
And the Other Kind.
Did you ever stand on a prominent
corner at an early morning hour and
watch the throngs of people on their
way to work? Noting the number who
were forcing themselves along be
cause it meant their daily bread, and
the others cheerfully and eagerly pur
suing their way because of love of
their work.
It is a fact that one's food has much
to do with it. As an example:
If an engine has poor oil. or a boiler
ia fired with poor coal, a bad result is
certain, isn't it?
Treating your stomach right is the
keystone that sustains the arch of
health's temple and you will find
"Grape-Nuts" as a daily food is the
most nourishing and beneficial you can
use.
We have thousands of testimonials,
real genuine little heart throbs, from
people who simply tried Grape-Nuts
aut of curiosity as a last resort with
the result that prompted the testimo
nial. If you have never tried Grape-Nuts
it's worth while to give it a fair impar
tial trial. Remember there aro mil
lions eating Grape-Nuts every day
they know, and we know if you will
use Grape-Nuts every morning your
work is more likely to be joy-work, be
cause you can keep well, and with the
brain well nourished work is a joy.
Read the "Htead to Wellville" in every
package "There's a Reason."
cHBE9L
.!.