Nebraska Newspapers

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iMtt . 3.
Herman Saunders of Platte Center
visited frieBds on the route last Sunday.
Born, on Sunday, May 3, to Mr. and
Mrs. John Mindrup, ,an eleven pouud
boy.'
Owing to trouble with her eyes, Miss
Maltha Seefeld has given up her sewing
and is at home again.
The Quarantine for small pox was
raised Tuesday from the home of Mr.
and Mrs. John Brunken.
Our informant who gave the item
about the number of poets that the boys
broke for Wm. Godekin was in error.
There were only a few broken and while
Mr. Godekin does not like the way be
was treated he will drop the matter, as
the boys are sorry regarding their part
in the-matter.
The Adamy Skiddods went down to
defeat in a game with the Buttermilks
last Sunday, the score being 9 to 10.
The Buttermilks only had four of their
regular players, while the Skiddoos had
their full team. The game was full of
errors and wild (brows on account of the
bad weather. Quite a large crowd was
present to witness the game.
Oir Folk County Friends.
Mrs. Frank Fox is over at Columbus
visiting the Michener'a and other friends.
J. M. Jarmin has been at home resting
since the spring delivery of trees for
Dave Schaff of Columbus, but he got
tired of resting and pulled his freight for
Columbus on Monday.
Mr. and Mrs. . R, Jarmin have been
over from Columbus, taking in the sights
of Osceola for more than a week, but
they started for the Columbus borne on
Saturday, going by way of Central City.
George A. Close of Kansas City, has
come up to Osceola and bought out the
Pratt hotel. George Brooks the present
hotel-keeper has rented the house from
Close and will run the hotel for another
term.
Joe Gnbeer, one of Osceola's best
horsemen, together with Al. Cole went
over to Columbus last week to enjoy its
balmy breezes. Of course Columbus
citizens invited them to come into their
tents, rest and refresh themselves.
John Alvin and family came clear out
west, from Kabletown, West Virginia,
to Osceola! and found the city so attrac
tive that they went out, rented a house,
and settled right down to living. They
came out to visit a sister of Mr. Alvin,
Mis. Joseph Jackson.
Mrs. W. J. Hermann is not the least
bit jealous that Miss Edith Barnes of
Columbus captured that Omaha News
prize, and sports a $150 .diamond ring
these days. Mrs. Hermann was one of
the contestants for the piano, but she
came out just 874,195 behind.
Miss Hilma Anderson, who is employ
ed in a dentists office at Lincoln, had to
quit her job on account of illness, came
home to Osceola, stayed three weeks
with her mother, got well and returned
to her post of duty. She is the sister of
Mrs. Jennie Rathburn of Columbus.
Mrs. C. Li. Thompson from Hoxip,
Kansas, has been here at Osceola, visit
ing for a couple of weeks and having a
glorious time of it. She has gone now
over Columbus way to consult one of
that city's most eminent physicians, and
will visit at the Saunders-Jarmin home
for a little while before returning to her
Kansas home.
Hon, and Mrs. William Welch have
been visiting the children out on the
Pacific coast for six months past They
were delighted with the country, had a
fine time, but for real solid comfort
Osceola, Polk county, the state of Ne
braska, knocks the 6pots off of the Pacific
coast or any other coast. If that be
treason, make the most of it.
All of the Odd-Fellows lodges of the
county, Shelby, Osceola and Stromsburg ,
celebrated the 69th anniversary of their
order hi he United States. The Ee
bekah lodge of Osceola took the lead of
the brethern, and where they lead the
brothers are sure to follow, and you can
rest assured that all of them, bpth
brothers and sisters, had a fine time.
Bev. C W. Comer, who has been hold
ing down the boards as preacher of the
Firat Presbyterian oburch, after receiv
ing a call from the Presbyterian church
at Eureka Springs, acoepted the call, as
from the Lord, and he with his family
started for their new field of labor last
Wednesday. It is hotter down there
than here, thavlis sometimes, and every
body here wishes them well in their new
Mrs. Walter Lamberson and Miss Etta
Ennes hitched up "Old Dobbin" to the
buggy last Friday and started out Co
lumbus way. They stopped at a half
way house, the home of Mrs. Lamber
son's sister, and there they stayed all
night, and the next morning pulled out
for' the other half of the way, Columbus.
They got there all right, called at the
. Jadge Sander's home on west 14th, and
on other friends; filled up their buggy
with goodsbought from Columbus
BMrohants, nd returned home.
There are many sad hearts in Osceola
aad throughout Polk county, over the
death of their old citizen, W. W. Max
well, whose funeral was held at Greaham
on MM 27th- of last month, last week
Monday. , There was a great concourse
ofv'people friends that followed the
body to its last resting place in the Gres
haaa cemetery. Comrade Maxwell had
not been sick long, and had most always
been very healthy and robust and when
the grim messenger came he found him
ready, with his lamp trimmed and burn
ing. He was one of the oldest settlers
ia Polk county, having taken a home
stead m Haokberry precinct in the year
1870. Be was elected oounty comnus
ajoacr hi JS77, sad eerved.as such until
thebegiaaiagof 1880. He was not an
asnoa seeker bat he was a very public
spirited aaam aad was ready to lift bis
constituents could be
ban ilttad. Heftvefour years service
w Co. F of the third Iowa cavalry, hav-
ing been mustered out of the service at
the close of the war in 1865. He was a
great lover of the G. A. R , always at
tended its meetings and no man .in the
county or his post will be more missed
than our friend W. W. Maxwell.
WILL ARRIVE NEXT WEEK.
Noted. Medical Specialist will Re
ceive Ptieats at Thvstea Hotel.
As has been announced in other issues
of this paper Dr. Ben W. Kinsey who is
chief of staff of the Hot Springs Doctors
who have their Nebraska State Institute
permanently located at 14th and O streets
Lincoln, will arrive in Columbus next
week and remain two days. While
here Dr. Kinsey will receive patients at
the' Thurston hotel.
As the Doctor will be here but two
days he will be very busy with the
patients who are sick and earnestly de
sire his services, so unless you mean
business and ieally desire Dr. Kinsey's
services, do not call and take up hie time
The Doctor requests married ladies to
be accompanied by their husbands)
This wonderful Hot Springs System
of all home treatment which Dr. Kinsey
is bringing to our city has cured thou
sands of cases that have been given up
as hopeless by other doctors. This treat
ment is endorsed by the United States
Government and by the world's greatest
financiers, business men, clergymen,
physicians and above all by the thou
sands who were sick but have been made
well, happy and strong by these noted
Hot Springs Doctors.
Below are reprinted extracts from a
few of the thousands of . testimonials
which have been received by the Hot
Springs Dootora:
"I feel that I owe my life to the Hot
Springs Doctors." J. W. Lacey, Have
lock, Neb.
"For ten years I suffered tortm ous
painB in my side and back and was treat
ed by over a score of doctors. The Hot
Springs Doctors cured me with four
months treatment." Mrs. Jennie Reome
3231 T streetLincoln, Neb.
"The Hot Springs Doctors saved my
life after many other surgical physicians
said I would have to have an operation.''
Mrs. . W. Brinley, Arcadia, Neb.
"Was troubled with gall stones for
seven years; took two months treatment
of the Hot Springs Doctors and have
had no pains nor symptoms of any
trouble since." Mrs. Wm. Buscb, Hal-
lam, Neb.
"I take pleasure in telling you that
you have cured my ulcerated limb' after
many other doctors failed. Your treat
ment cured me in less than two months."
Mrs. S. N. Sterling, 1444 North Side
Ave., Lincoln. A
"You told me that I would not receive
any benefit from your treatment for at
least a month but I am glad for your
sake and for my sake that I can inform
yon that I have not had an attack of my
trouble since I commenced taking my
medicine and before I took it I had been
having three and four attacks a day."
Mrs. C. R. B e, Fairbury, Neb.
"Have tried fourteen doctors, local and
in Chicago and in New York, for the
past six years who said they could cure
me of epilepsy but they did me no good,
in fact I seemed to be getting worse. In
a few week's time the Hot Springs Doc
tors entirely cured me. I gained seven
teen pounds and able to do hard manual
labor." Rufus . Geiger, 210 South 9th
street, Lincoln.
The full testimonials of the people
quoted above and thousands of others
are on file at the Lincoln offices of the
Hot Springs Doctors which is located at
14th and O streets. Copies of them will
be furnished you upon request
The Hot Springs Doctors do not ask
you to rely upon their word . alone but
have proofs of their wonderful skill in
testimonials from all parts of the country.
The Hot Springs Doctors do not claim
that they can cure every case but they
absolutely refuse to accept an incurable
case for treatment so that when they do
accept a case the patient may be assured
of a cure for their money.
Remember that Dr. Kinsey is bring
ing this wonderful Hot Springs System
of all home treatment to Columbus for
but two days May 14 and 15 and while
here will receive patients at the Thurs
ton hotel.
Hew Line to TeUowstoie Park.
Tourists may now go right to the edge
of the Park via this new and scenic line.
Only by a trip to Yellowstone can the
tourist comprehend its endless variety
and stupendous grandeur.
Very low round-trip rates to this re
sort in effect this summer via the Union
Pacific and its connections.
For information regarding the new line
to Yellowstone, inquire of E. G. Brown,
agent.
Notice To Farmers.
We are now ready to place contracts
for sweet corn, white and yellow dent
and flint field corn, cucumber, musk and
water melon, pumpkin and squash to be
grown for seed purposes. Write or call
and see us for prices, stating number of
acres of each kind you wish to grow, and
we will name prices promptly.
Wbstebn Sees & Irbigatiox Co.
Fremont, Nebraska.
' Advertised Letters.
The following is a list of nncl.im)
mail matter remaining in the post office
at Columbus, Nebr., for the period end
ing May 6, 1906: Letters Andrew Czer
wonka, R MacDuffey, G Barloa Wilson.
Cards Annie Czerwonka, Miss Mary
Maher, E H Miller. Jay Phelps, Miss
Mary-Pechanec. Parties calling for any
of the above will pi
Cakl
Kramer, P. M.
CeeX
We have.a large stock of coal, Rock
Spring. MaiUand,. Zeigler, Trenton,
Gem, Banner, Golden-Ash, aad Monarch
in lump and ant.- Also- Pens, hard
coal m all axes. Nbwmaji t, Waxen.
Farm Far Salt.
The Kerr estate, se 1-4 1-18-3 west, six
miles due north of Monroe. Call on or I
address Mrs. a B. Watta, Monroe, Neb. I
AWED BY THE CROSS
SAVAGE INDIANS RESPECTED
SYMBOL OF CHRISTIANITY.
Crucifix on Breast of Young Irishman
Who Fell with Custer Was Means
of Saving Body from
Mutilation.
The following story of the Custer
battleground was told to the writer by
one who received it from an eye-witness
of the scene described a witness
who, indeed, had a fatal interest in the
field, since he himself had lost his fa
ther In that last heroic stand of Custer
and his men.
Among the soldiers who were en
gaged In fighting the Indians, in the
campaign of which the Custer episode
forms a part, were two young. Irish
men who had been in the Papal Guard
at Rome. Before they left" for America,
the pope had given them his blessing
and presented each of them with a
gold crucifix upon which the mystic
beneficence of his prayers had fallen.
One of these young men was with
Custer when the general and all his
followers went down before the fero
cious onslaughts of the Indians. The
other was with the company which
was the first to arrive upon the field.
The scene of the battle was inde
scribably horrible. The ghastly nude
bodies of the dead lay about in. a man
ner to sicken the soul. They had been
stripped, scalped and , mutilated ac
cording to the custom of the savages.
The young Irishman wandered hope
lessly about hi this fearful charnel
place hi despair of finding his friend.
All at once he discovered a body
neither scalped nor stripped, but with
Its limbs decently composed as if by
a kindly band. He recognized it as
that of his comrade. On the quiet
breast lay the gold crucifix of the
pope, attached to the slender chain
on which it had always been worn.
The squaws engaged in stripping
the bodies had discovered the holy
emblem hung about the young man's
neck, and awed at the sight of it, had
feared to wreak their usual horrors
upon him. They had straightened
his limbs and left him without the dis
figuring marks of the tomahawk.
The friend of the dead man took the
crucifix and a lock of his comrade's
hair and sent them to the young mar
tyr's mother in Ireland.
It was said by those who looked on
that the Indians who spared the
corpse because of the crucifix must
have been those who had come under
the training of the famous Father De
Smet, since he had given the savages
among whom he worked such a deep,
though ignorant, reverence for the
cross, that they would never dare to
maltreat a body on which it was found.
A Matter of Buttons.
Under a street lamp in New York
a group of men and boys, were talking
and gesticulating excitedly. Two' of
the men were in uniform. Presently a
thirds man in civilian's dress drew a
knife from his pocket and began to
execute savage thrusts about the neck
and shoulders of one of the uniformed
men. A woman sitting on a doorstep
near by screamed in alarm.
"What are they trying to do to that
man?" she said. "Kill him?"
"Not at all," laughed her compan
ion. "They are simply exercising the
right of all free-born American citi
zens and are demanding his buttons
as souvenirs. That fellow 'with the
knife is sawing them off.
'.'Every sailor and soldier who
strikes this port ought to come pro
vided with several gross of extra but
tons, if he expects to keep his ward
robe in presentable condition. The
collecting fever has now 'reached such
a virulent stage .that he is held up
every trip about town and robbed of
one or more of those ornamental and
useful accessories to the toilet."
Time to Pick Up Bargain Curios.
Foreigners In Japan find a great op
portunity to purchase curios at the be
ginning of each new year. Every one
In Japan hi expected to clear up his
books and pay his debts by the last
day of the old year. The tradesmen
send in their yards more often miles
of bills to "the honorable lady of
the house," and presents are politely
exchanged all around. Shopkeepers
hold bargain sales to enable them to
pay the wholesale houses, and if a
man cannot raise sufficient money to
pay his creditors it is not an uncom
mon thing for him to sell off sufficient
or even all of his property at a sacri
fice to enable him to meet the new
year with a smiling face. The only
other honorable way out of his diffi
culties Is for him to commit suicide.
Widely Different Varieties.
"Is It a good idea to make a speech
whenever you get a chance?" said the
young man who Is learning the states
manship business.
"It depends," answered Senator Sor
ghum, "on whether your speech is the
kind that shows your constituents how
much do you know or how much you
don't" .
The Retort Courteous.
"You had the nerve to marry me
for my money, sir."
"Well, madam, you certainly have
not the face to suggest that I married
you for your beauty?' Baltimore
American.
The Virtue of Brevity.
Kwoter Too many words. 'of course,
are wearisome. Brevity Is the soul oi
It
Wise (with a yawn) Not always;
but in any event it is always commendable.
They Must Be Hardy.
Secretary Wilson of the' department
of agriculture referred at a recent
dinner in Washington to the amateur
florists who spring np In the suburbs
at this season by thousands.
"More florists, perhaps, than flowers
spring up," he said.
' 'In a seed shop the othef day I
heard one of these amateurs complain
about the last batch of seeds he had
bought After he had ended his com
plaint ha began to ask floral ques
tions. . " Oh, by the way hs sal -what la
a hardy rose?'
"'It is one,'- growled the dealer,
'that doesn't mind your wife pulling
it up by the roots every day to see'if
it has begun to grow yet "
" Helping-Him.
"Jinx Is' dressing better than usual
lately."
"Yes, his wife has been" helping him
to reduce expenses."
"His wife? Why. man) she was di
vorced from him a year ago!"
"I know it; but she has married
again, so he doesn't have to nay any
more alimony." Houston Post.
Minced Col lops.
Take Vi pounds hamburg or round
steak and have t ground. Put in a
stew pan and stir with a fork until all
grains are separated, then cover with
water and cook slowly one hour, add
ing more water if it boils away. Add
salt and pepper to taste and a chopped
onion if liked. Thicken with a table
spoondful of flour mixed with cold wa
ter, and serve with mashed potatoes.
This makes a good dinner for five
adults.
Remove Onion Odor.
To remove the odor of onion from
fish kettles and saucepans in which
they have been cooked, put in wood
ashes or salsoda, potash or lye; fill
with water and let It stand on the
stove until it boils; then wash hi hot
suds and rinse well.
FOR ..X...VN t -, PIE.
First Bake Crust Before" Putting in the
Ingredients.
A lemon custard pie that is alwi;
appreciated is made in this wise: Tf-
crust is baked first, as an open slid',
perforating it in several places with a
fork before putting in the cven, to
avoid blistering. For the tiling, cream
together one-half cupful of susar and
butter the size of a walnut. Aud 'S-o
juice of half a lemon and two table
spoonfuls of boiling water, and 'c.sty,
the beaten-yolks of three eggs. Gw:a
in a little of the rind and cook n
double boiler until thick. "Beat tfe
whites of the eggs to a stiff froih atxi
then stir in after the filling is tak-a
from the fire. Pour all in the opri
crust, already baked, and set in oven
for a few minutes. If a meringue Is
desired, whip the whites to a froth.
add two tablespoonfuls pulverized
sugar, spread over the top, and dry
slowly in the oven until an inch thick
and a golden brown.
A lemon pie that is absolutely reli
able is made in this way: Have reay
the pastry shell. Dissolve one table
spoonful of cornstarch in a little cold
water. Pour over a teacupful of bon
ing water, stirring all the time until
.clear and free from lumps. Ald one
tablespoonful of butter and a small cap
ful of sugar, and cook a fev
moments longer. Set oa bark
of range and add the beaten
yolks of two eggs and the jalce
and grated yellow rind of one lemon.
Stir until well blended and psur la
crust. Set in the oven a few minutes
with the door left open, vbile prepar
ing the meringue, made from the
whites of the eggs beaten stiff
to which two scant . tablespoonf-i's
sugar have been added. Spread even
ly over the pie and set on the grate
of the oven to rise slowly and brown,
THREE RECIPES FOR SCALLOPS.
Stewed, Fried, or Made Into Salad,
They Are All Good.
Stewed scallops are very nice and you
can use the small ones for that pur
pose. 'Heat one quart of milk in
double boiler, put one-half cup of ht:t
water into a granite, pan, add one
quart of scallops, bring to a good
sharp boil, and cook for three minutes.
Add them to the hot milk. Season with
pepper, salt and if liked a bit of
mace. Soften up one-fourth pound of
butter and when the stew has come
to a scald, put in the butter, but do
not allow it to boil. Serve wfth oyster
1 crackers crisped up in the oven and
red cabbage slaw.
Scallop Salad Boll one quart of
scallops in salted water, 'drain and
cool. Cut up in small pieces, arrange
on lettuce leaves, pouring over any
dressing you may prefer. I use my
regular mayonnaise of oil and eggs
and made in the regular way. You can,
however, use a boiled dressing if you
choose. It's quite as good as many
salads that are more fancy.
Fried scallops are as a rule likod
as well as any form of cooking them.
Wash and dry on a clean towel. 'Dip
In beaten egg and seasoned cracker
dust or fine crumbs. Place in frying
basket and plunge in boiling deep fat.
They ought to cook in four minutes.
They can also be, fried in pork fat
Garnish with lemon points and pars
ley. Tartar sauce is also served by
many with tried scallops, scallops
can be baked with bread or cracker
crumbs, similar to oysters. Any rule
you use for escalloped oysters is safe
to use, only season a little higher.
Scrambled Eggs with Green Peppers.
These makeu an excellent spring
breakfast dish. Toast as many slices
of bread as there are persons to he
served, and place into the oven to
keep hot Put a tablespoonful of but
ter in the frying pan and, while It is
heating, break as many eggs as are
needed into a bowl. Six eggs is a
good number for four or five persons.
Allow a tablespoonful of cream or
water to each egg. As soon as the
butter is melted and begins to bubble
turn eggs in. and as the whites begin
to set lift and stir with a silver fork.
Have ready two finely chopped sweet'
green peppers, with the seeds re
moved, and as soon as the eggs have
begun to cook stir the peppers through
the mixture. Cook a moment then
dish on the hot toast Garnish with
-. little cress or parsley and serve at
once. If the toast is preferred soft,
dip each slice for a moment in hot
milk before covering with the egg.
Exhaustion.
"I'm rather interested In young Mr.
De Riter." said the customer, "and I
want to get a copy of his novel. Have
you got it?" .
"We did have a small supply a few
weeks ago," said the book salesman,
"but I'm afraid it's exhausted."-
"Really, I heard It was weak, but
I didn't think It was that bad." Cath
olic Standard aad Times.
LOSE BLOOM EARLY
UNFORTUNATE FATE OF SOME
AMERICAN CHILDREN.
Are' Little Men and Women at a Ten
'rfer Age Bey .of 14 Acta as -"Social
Secretory" for
the family.
An amateur investigator has discov
ered the following instances of the
way In which some American children
are made ready to struggle with. life.
"Think. of a girl of 13," she said,
''who -has been taught to believe that
all her birthday means is the gift of
a beautiful pearl- from her grand
mother. From her very first birthday
the fact has been the most important
thing that has happened to -mark the
anniversary of her entrance into the
joys of this life.
"Her grandmother was, like all her
family, very rich. It occurred to her
that she would like her granddaughter
to have a pearl necklace that should
be as fine as any that money could
buy. So she hit on the idea of pre
senting the child with a superb pearl
every year.
"In the meantime .all the childish
joy of the child's birthday celebration
has been made to He in the acquisitiou
of that pearl. It has for 12 birthdays
been the engrossing event of the cele
bration. "Just what the effect of making the
material part of her string of young
years the. most important part it is not
possible to say. To me, as a person in
terested in the proper training of the
young, the idea seems grotesquely in
appropriate. Almost as singular In its exhibition
of a parent's idea of the right sort of
influence for a child is the occupation
of a 14-year-old boy that I know. Ho
has been intrusted by his family with
the care of all the social vuties of his
mother and the other members of the
family.
"He takes charge of all the cards re
ceived at the house, sees to it that
cards are sent in return, and acts as a
sort of social secretary for his sisters
as well as for the other older members
of the family.' They are very much
amused by the enthusiasm and clever
ness with which he relieves them of
all social responsibility.
"He is now 14. and that is an age
at which seriousness may without too
much emphasis be allowed to play
some part in a boy's life. Tet his par
ents apparently think that what he is
doing is important enough to be al
lowed to occupy much of the time
that should, in fact, be spent at his
books or in some more serious way.
' "What he will think about when he
is 21 it is not possible to say. Perhaps
he will outgrow his obsession with
cardboard and stationery. But what
will be the future of the 13-year-old
girl who was taken to Europe last
summer for her first educational
tour?
'"She went with her father and
mother, and there was scarcely a cor
ner of Europe they did not visit They
traveled, indeed, more than 12,000
miles. They are quite sure about
that, for they went in a motor and
they have the record of the trip.
"Those 12,000 miles were so divided
that the usual speed during all their
journey was 40 miles an hour. What
a "comprehensive idea of -Europe that
girl must have got on her first educa
tional trip to Europe! How must her
youthful imagination have been
stirred by the sight of the strange and
quaint sights she saw in those
strange lands, traveling at the rate
of 40 miles an hour!"
Fates of English, Derby Winners.
Like several of his predecessors as
winners of the Derby, Persimmon has
ended his days tragically.
It is not long since Donovan, who
won the Blue Riband for the duke of
Portland in 1S89, dashed into a tree
while running loose in his paddock
and so seriously injured his head that
he had to be destroyed.
Silvio broke his leg and was shot;
Kingcraft, the winner of 1870, died
while crossing the Atlantic, a fate
which also befell Blue Gown, the hero
of two years earlier. Kisber ended his
days an exile in Hungary and George
Frederick spent his latter days, sight
less, on a Canadian farm.
Hermit, the sensational winner of
41 years ago, lived to a good old age,
and his skeleton, we fancy, still sur
vives in the Royal Veterinary col
lege, Camden Town; and the "flying
Amato" lies buried in the beautiful
grounds of The Durdans, Lord Rose
bery's Epsom seat
Set Sea Gulls to Work.
From Nanalmo comes the story of
an enterprising government fisheries
official, who is enlisting the services
of thousands of sea gulls in the task
of cleaning up the immense number
of dead herring dropped overboard
by boats at the different wharves
where cargoes are loaded on the ves
sels. While making his rounds recently
this party tied up his gasoline launch
at one of the wharves while figuring
out. the best method of attempting to
remove the fish. Neglecting to switch
off the power, the propeller churned
up the water to such an extent that
a large number of dead herring came
to the surface, thousands of sea gulls
Immediately swooping down and glut
ting themselves on the fish.
The experiment was made at sev
eral of the other wharves, and hi
every case the gulls performed the
task which would have entailed con
siderable expense had It been done
by manual or mechanical labor. New
Westminster Correspondence Seattle
Post-Intelligencer.
Discovered.
Church I am disappointed in Cut
ter. Gotham Why so?
"I took dinner with him the other
day."
"Have a poor dinner?"
"It wasn't that; but you know, he's
a well-known sculptor."
"Yes, I know."
"Well, I noticed that he couldn't
carve at the table any better than 1
can!" Yoakers. Statesman.
EC.
McCord
COLUMBUS, NEB.
GOT NEW FURNACE
DISASTROUS RESULT OF
GIGGS DISCONTENT.
MRS.
Chapter of Accidents That Attended
Removal of Heating Apparatus
Trouble Originated -with Loss
of "Cadooey."
"John," young Mrs. Giggs said. "I'm
going to have the furnace moved. It
doesn't heat up a bit."
"Gee. that'll cost about $25." John
said. "We can't afford it."
"But, dear, I'll freeze to death. Be
sides, I've already told the man to
come. It'll onlr cost about five dol
lars." "You're on," said John. "I'll duck."
The workmen came after break
fast "Go right down into the cellar," she
told them. She went to the library to
read. Soon there was a knock on the
door and one of the workmen ap
peared. -
"We'll have to put out th fire 'fore
we can do any work," he said.
Ten minutes later the wife was hud
dled in the parlor and the house was
filled with smoke, while through the
furnace pipes came various "rackety"
noises, but no heat She laid, aside
her book and went to see what prog
ress was being made.
"We won't be done fer a good
while," the foreman said. In answer
to her question. "Bill's lost the
cadooey." Back the wife went to
the parlor and waited some more.
Then she went back to the cellar.
"You see. th' gadget's broke or we'd
be done afore this," the foreman ex
plained. She said she would build a
fire in the kitchen range.
"Doncher doot." he yelled. "Wanter
blow up th' house? Th' hot water
pipe's all mixed up. an' you can't have
any fire till we get it fixed."
More waiting in the cold parlor.
Then there came a knock on the door.
It was the -foreman again.
"Th boys say them pipes oughtent
to be put up agin," he remarked. "Li
able to burn up th' whole shack.
New ones won't cost much," insinuat
ingly. "How much?" she asked.
"Ten dollars."
More subterranean noises and then
a crash The cellar stairway was
filled with a cloud of dust The
sound of loud swearing came from
below..
"What's wrong?" she called.
"Th" bloomln' thing fell in." was
the answer of the foreman. " 'Tain't
no good. Never was. You'll have to
get a new furnace. We can't monlcey
with this here thing no more."
When John got home he found Mrs?
Giggs wrapped up in blankets and
crying.
"It's all right" he said. "We need
ed a new furnace, anyway." And
then they went to a hotel for .three
days. Kansas City Star.
Divorce and Humanitarianlsm.
It is not denied that there should be
divorce laws in the country. It seems
inhuman to compel two persons to
maintain a nominal state of matri
mony when they are wholly estranged.
If the two persons were alone con
cerned there would be little objection
to the most liberal laws. But there
are generally children to be consid
ered and at all times the general state
of society. Property interests and the
general welfare are affected by di
vorces and they should only be
granted when there is sufficient rea
son. It is because of the vast and
complex interests which are or may be
involved that a federal law on the
subject is to be desired. There are
many titles to property in this countrj
clouded by reason of our many and
varying state laws on the subject So
ciety is based on the marriage rela
tion and it should be kept as inviolate
as is possible. When the bonds must
be severed it should be done openly
and with full knowledge of all of the
circumstances. And if so many peo
ple did not marry thoughtlessly there
would be fewer cases in the divorce
courts. Philadeluhia Innnirer.
'
4
COLORADO
No trip can surpass in pleasure and health a vaca
tion spent in the Rockies. Low rates
in effect every dsy Jnne 1, to
Sept 30 1908. -
15.75 to Denver
17.35 to Colorado Springs
17.50 to Pueblo
FOR THE ROUND TRIP
UNION PACIFIC
E. 6. BROWN, Agent
Cement Bltcks and rlrllft
elalSttn. Ettlmatt Fur
nished en FetindatttMi
GbM&NT WORK AND CON
CRETE CONSTRUCTION
HER OWN MEDICINE
TABLES NEATLY TURNED ON ONE
PRACTICAL JOKER.
Sharp Lesson, However, Unable to Ef
fect a Cure Possibly There Is
Only One'Way to Step
These "Humorists.'
Are women practical jokers? The
question was being discussed by two
men who were somewhat interested in
psychology, and as the conversation
progressed it became less scientific
and more cynical. At last the young
er man brought it down to a personal
basis, proving only one case, but that
one quite conclusively.
"My sister," he began, "used to
teach in one of those $1,000 a year
finishing schools for girls. The name
doesn't matter, but you'd recognize It
in a minute If I told you. I mentioned
my sister to show you how I heard
this. Among the teachers there were
a half dozen inveterate practical jok
ers. One was as bad as another, so
perhaps none deserved any. sympathy.
Now, the youngest of them was the In
structor in English and. incidentally,
a poet of no mean ability. She had
been persuaded by her friends to sub
mit her work to a publisher, with the
result that a small volume of poems
was brought out
"In this state of affairs one of the
clique of which she was a member
saw great possibilities. She taught
logic. I think. At any rate she had a
deductive mind capable of making
plans that would work out nicely. So
she wrote letters to 15 or 20 of her
friends asking them to write to the
poet, saying they had read her book
with great interest, paying her all the
compliments they could think of with
out seeming insincere, and asking for
her autograph.'
"After a while the young woman be
gan to receive the letters. Some were
from New York, three or four from
cities on the Pacific coast, several
from England, and one from Constan
tinople. You can imagine how elated
she was.
"One afternoon she received a note
from the teacher of logic. It ran
something like this:
"'Come up to my room for a cup
of tea. I have a new picture which .
no doubt you would like to see.'
"The poetess went, and, according
to the established custom, walked in
without knocking. No one was in
the room, but on the wall was the pic-
.ture. It consisted ofa large gilt
frame in which were arranged all the
replies that she had sent to those who
had written letters In praise of her
poetry."
"Well, what a trick!" exclaimed the
older man. "What did she do?"
"Sat down and cried, naturally."
"It cured her, I guess."
"No. There's only one way to cure
a practical joker."
"They say that the only good la- '
dian is a dead Indian, and It's "
"I believe you're right!"
Getting Round a Difficulty.
The late Charles Whitney of Bidde
ford. Me.,-' was the greatest wit and
joker in his part of the country. One
evening he and a friend named Bag
ley started to drive a wagon to Port
land, some 15 miles distant When
they arrived In Scarboro It. became
dark and foggy. Seeing a guldeboard
in the corner of the fence. Whitney
got out, climbed up on the wall, light
ed a match, and read on the board,
"Portland six miles." They rode about
an hour longer, and once more saw .
a guldeboard. Whitney again got out.
climbed on the fence, lighted a match,
and read "Portland six miles."
Then he said: "Bagley, get out and '
find me a rock."
"How big?" asked Bagley.
"About as big as your two fists."
"What do you want it for?"
"Well," drawled Whitney, "I'm go
ing to knock this guidepost off and.,
take it with us, so we'll know where
we are. I'm tired of getting out and ..
climbing this wall every hour to find
out." Lippincott's.
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