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About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (April 15, 1908)
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i ' . in,, I II i .. i . j i ' , ' ' a.. ...-- i-x-, ..
..;?u7rfirv".- J."v " ' - "." v '
.The' oily Baking Pewder ifiule
. inade fre-grapes---- .
v Insures hsaftlifu! and
delicious food for every
.: alflniaidj)Ii(ispfcatecf lias
.State Bo. 3.. .;.':
Gas'Hagemarin is down with the-small
. .. ..- -. .
.pox. . ..- -'
, '-'Otto'Brunken was visiting .with home
.-" folks Sunday.
''.John Ghilio was 'visiting at.lTrarik.
'Boak8 last Sunday .
Miss Meta' Alters spent Saturday and
. ' Born,.on Friday, April I0r to Mr. tod
' Mia. O.-M. -Newman, a son.
. " . - '
. Jbnn'Baken shipped a car load of bogs
.. to South Omaha Wednesday.
.'.. Miss A. Meyer of Platte Center is at
the home of. Fred Beblen. jr., this week.
" Otto Biems' smiling countenance was
nen.on.the streets of Columbus Sunday.
John-'Brunkeri and. August Wetjens
. shipped a "car of f at hogs tbiaouth, Omaha
" ". Tuesday.
. Louies the seven year old son' of J..F.
Godekin,ifl very, sick with; pneumonia
' and catarrhal "fever. . .-: ; -' ":
-. "RudolphKoe'pke, teacher in the Ger
man sehool'on' the .route, is enjoying, a
weeks', vacation -in the western .part- of
the-8tatethttn ting aqd fishing. .. ',--
'There was leap year party at the
Bakenhus home. Sunday -evening, in
.honor of Miss. .Bertha's birthday. A
". large crowd, was present anil a. good time
.. reported. ;
The Shell Greek boys are organizing a
' bail team fpr the coming, summer and
. we;liope to be able to report some good
-gaatss before -long. The Shell Creeks'
have'eae' this year that will "bp hard to
'..Some 'pretty - strenuous" '-.complaints
' have been made regarding the .practice
of some people of throwing their old tin
'cana,'rubpishnd 'dead animals along
. .the. side of the 'Meridian road - and also
'the road - east of this- Dead -animals
Should be' properly taken- --care of and
.' the piles of- rubbish, often' frightens
teams, causing .accidents. Those s who
.'are., compelled "to.- travel these", roads
would appreciate' it if. proper attention
was given this, matter. ..
" louts lo. 4.
.. . . .
Rev. De.Wolf was a guest at tht homn
of J.-J. Barnes.
Mr. -.Thornton., of Atkinson- arrive.!
'Tuesday evening for a" visit, at the home
.. of O.T. Marquise. .
. '. - -.-
- -Frank Hilmer left -Thursday- morning
..'for Norden. 6al4 where -he will remain
boat two. weeksi-.visiting his brother,
Bev. Hilmer. - His sister, Miss . Sophie,
. who .haa been -in Oklahoma about, a year,
" will return with him.: . .-""" -
Joaie, the.eight -year old daughter of
Mr. and Mrs. J. A. BTameldied last Wed;
, nesday of diphtheria. The" funeral was
private andheld from the home, Tburs-
day sad burial was.in" 8t 'Joseph's ceme-
tery, aouthess't ot Platte Center.
Invitations have been issued for ' the'
wedding of Miss Lena Ebner and -John
Liebig,' which will" take place at St.
Joseph's church, PlattQ Center, on April
29T A wedding feast vHJl be served, at
the home of the bride afterth'e ceremony.
. . ... ....
G. W. SwanBon.has . gone to J3ioux
City on a visit
. No rain yet in this locality to speak of.'
J net a light-shower last Tuesday..'
The" confirmation class at the Danish
Lutheran church-was oonfirmed Sunday.
Sowing- of small grain is' completed
and plowing for corn is the order of the
. Elmer Johnson 'and George' Swanson
weat'ap to Boone county Sunday on a
visit at Charley Johnson's. .
Tere is some talk about the new rail.
. road again, and very likely the grading
will sommesoe in a few days.
-. A. E. 8wanson had a birthday party
Wadwssdsy. Those present-were John
P. Joaasoa and wife, Fred Nordgren and
childrea and John Swunsoniandfamjly.
IHU - 5. .
Farmerpare basyputting in their oata.
Albert. Kammer and F. A.- Oleott
msrketsd hogs Taesdsy.
The toad between Barnum creek and
the Levip bridge is being graded. 8u
Bernsors Bebwarz aad brady are oyer
sesiag the work.
w. , "
rs:. , . i - ,a ..,
gggwi.s; &jrp3cZ$- r
-Bdate Mo. 'L .
John Arndt marketed a ear of hogs
Tuesday. ' ""... :.
.The early spring grain- has come", up
nicely and is looking "fine. ' .
Miss Katie Bead was. .visiting at the
home of.her uncle "apd aunt, Mr. and
Mrs. Henry Engle,. Satuiday and' Sun
day., . : '..-
HERE'S REAL GOOD AMARITAN.
Looks After. the Undeserving Poor
Says No One' Else WMJ,
There Is ..a rich man -Jn. a southern
cft'y; who makes .the undeservjng' poor,
his peculiar .care, says Jthe' Inde
pendent. 'His methods In 'dealing with "what
he calls, a fresh .sinner -ire linlque,
arid he.' regards them as scientific from
theheav'enly. point of-view. Ke In
sists 'upon, a full: catalogue of the vic
He. claims that this, is done, on the
theory that a phys1ciam..Jlrst adminis
ters an emetic in case 'of. poisoning.
Then- If the patient is an utterly lost
and abandoned- woman he frequently'
takes her home with him,, where-she
.is. - quartered in the. guest chamber
-and treated by the family as the' weir
come guest whose presence there -is
.in ho ways remarkable. '
For. our scientist, claims that it is
the loss of the' sacred home, conscious-
hess in-' such-women which casts them
so far down, and his 'purpose IS, -to
restore the same by his own fireside,-'
which Is particitfarly. attractive In that
he has. a-' wife and' many. -young chil
dren. Nothing Is' said to .the forlorn
one to remind her of her shame;' she
is simply left to get 'well, as the scien
tist expresses it " v -.
And it is astonishing now; many of
them do get well. His boast Is that he
lias married his; girls happily all over,
the country,- for he is -an enthusiastic;
believer in" wedloclL 'Upon a repent
visit to. a distant- city he remarked
to the editor:
-' "'I married, one of my girls off in
this' town; couple doing well; moving
.in the best society. Good. as the rest,
too, now. . But it's a secret; if society
knew it -"would" abolish her."". He
winked', in' conclusion, at the expense
- He '.cannot make a speech; :but he is
an eloquent sputterer; and although
his "manner to" ministers., is' wittily
deferential', he .'has been -known to
ruin a preacher's meeting and' make
the victims .of his burning-incoherence
look like rows of paper -dolls blown be
fore the breath- of -a' .'ifvin'g man
disciple. ,. - .'."'
Romaris in-' Scotland.
,' Recent discoveries in the neighbor,
hood, of -Edinburgh and as far north
as. the confines of .Perth and inverness
shires are' 'exciting among 'Scotchmen
an- unprecedented, interest -" in -the
Roman occupation. Accumulating evi
dence thai it took: a far-more solid
hold than is currently 'supposed has
stimulated the .exertions of 'the Scot
tish antiquaries and .resulted In an ap
peal for funds to which public, gen
erosity is not slow in responding; Interest-is
guided and stimulated, by
what "may. truly .be called- the' Roman
museum, 'now open' to inspection in
the rooms of .'the antiquaries, on -the
ground floor of the .national jsortrait
gallery, in Edinburgh. -'.There 'may.
be seen .the .surprisingly 'rich bronse
-helimet and the' remarkably beautiful
iron' tilting helmet, or mask, recent
ly, unearthed at Newstead, being, with
in a- nflle of Melrose Abbey. If the
.trips of tourists were not such cut-'
and-dried affairs,- visitors to -Abbois-ford,.
Dryburgh ' and Melrose might
easily include in their purview -' the
Roman, camp and Roman baths which
James Curie has there, brought ' to
light the' bath is .now in process - of
excavation. .Besides the helmets. Mr..
Curie has found .vases in brbnse, hel
mets, swords 'and axes,, which, aoag
with plentiful shards of Samtaa aad
other ware;' suggest that Newstead
.was a very solid and firmly rooted
Oscumentary Evidence. .
Her Mother I should rather yon
would not go salliag with that young
man, Clara; I doa't believe' he knows.
a thing about a saUboat ' - .
Clara"r-Oa, bat he does,mamma; he
showed me a letter of recommeada
tioa from a New York firm ha asei to
work for. aad they speak very highly
of his salesmshshjD The Orel.
- . z.
w"- zzl iT . ..
COMPEL NO CHANGE
LAYING OP RULKtM ALWAYS
tkNi Has -Never Changed the Hie"
tery of the WeHd" Is a Trath
.' eyend Queetien.
Polltloai fanatics apparently never
win beUeve with. Disraeli, that "as
sassination has -.sever changed- the
history, of the. world.".
' la Portugal they evidently hoped
by the murder of the royal family, to
overthrow ..the monarchy. Repeatedly
some analogous notion has possessed
assassins. They' have always, been
diss tpolated, sat it. is astonishing
how .slightly. .the numerous political
'murders have, iniuenced the coarse
af history, says the-Kansas .City Star..
' The killing' ot Caesar is aa example .
ef the futility of aasaaainatloa. It was
done on the. ground that he had sub
verted the republic, aad had- estab
Tdshed.:.hlmself "is a .'virtual -dictator..
-Brutus; one of. the leaders in the plot,
was the typical . political- dreamer,.;
high-minded, .devoted to ;. advanced
principles, impractical." He failed to.
see that the 'character of' the people
had changed' so that, the old republic
was' no'loager possible .and. that
Caesar was .dealing .with the situation;
as a practical man. . The assassina
tion could not alter national Character.
so if-failed to restore-the. republic and'
the ' Caesarian regime . was . continued
by the' practical Augustus.'-' .-
-Wlllismof Orange leader of. the
Netherlands revolt against Spain, was
killed by order. of ;the. Spanish .king.
But the murder .did not pacify the in
surgents -and .the' revolt, was", carried
through to independence, bjr -oUie'r;
lenders, ; ' . .' . .
";Henryry..of France; the greatest
of the Bourbon; kings, -was kllled' .by.
-a-religious, fanatic "who presented his"
tolerance toward, the Huguenots. But
the, edict of Nantes, which 'granted
freedom of rellgioni was. not, affected -
.by the; king's death. It remained er-.
fective for nearly a centurjr and 'final-,
ly was! revoked' by Louis XIV., as a
part of his general poller of "unifying
the realm. s
Alexander IL. of-Russia was. mur
dered by conspirators who, hoped liy
terrorism to do away" with the Rus
sian autocracy. The effect of the as-,
sassla'ation was precisely ,;tiie reverse
:6f what had beeh-jlannedV. It hap
pened that the proclamation announc-.
Jhg the: gran tlag of a constitution wss
In type- when Alexander died;. His son
repressed it and 'the autocracy, '..was'
moreifirjhly established than-ever. It
was not until the lapse of a quarter of
a century iiad flooded; Russia with Eu
ropean enlightenment that -freedom
began to establish itself under consti
The murders of presldentsrof.
Lincoln, Garfield,. Carnot, McKlnley
were" without political effect
In general, men in authority who
stand for some definite policy repre
sent at least a strong faction in the
nation If they are removed from
-office-W' "death the policy usually finds
expression :throu'gh 'another - leader.
The assassin can'not..destroy" the ideas
that hie.-vlctim represents. That is,
why Disraeli's ' assertion has- 'proved
approximately .correct, " '
Two Sides. of the Street
A drummer who had forgotten the
difference, in the. jaws of the various
states" -found himself on one 'occasion
in Bristol, through the main street of
which, town runs the Virginia-Tennessee
line. -He walked into a: drug
store on- the -western side of , the
street ' " ' -"
-"Give me a package of. Turkish cigarettes,-
please," lie said:
"We haven't any cigarettes,''' was
the .reply, "but we can let you .have:
almost anything .else you want, from
The drummer. was puzzled. for a mo
ment, but decided -that "he must, have
misunderstood, the; clerk, '
, "I want some, cigarettes," he re
peated. "No cigarettes In Tennessee," an-'
,swered the clerk, "but you .can. get
them 'across the street. That's Vir
Thanking "the- clerk for. his information.-the
drummer crossed to s
drug store opposite .and .laid In 'a
supply to last him across Tennessee.
He had -reached- the door when, .a
thought struck 'him. ..,"""
"HaVe you any morphine?" '.he
8sked, turning-to the clerk.
"Sorry,-sir," replied the. Virginian,
"but they don't .sell it' in "this -state..
"But I think you can get some across
the street That's. Tennessee."-
Evil in Overwork.
Another-clever, accountant -has In
. jured. his mind .by overwork.'-. Some
people -'need to-be prodded before they
".will work.: Some, need to.be restrained
or they will-.wbrk till they drop. Sooner-or
later the man thst.wiU'not'h'us:
bahd his .strength- and .keep a reserve
of energy, pays for it by ''enforced
.leisure. .Some people hate ' to-work
-Some people hate to play. .- As Burn's
. said; life -is all a -variorum. "No Jiuman
being can 'ever' be. induced to profif
by the experiences of another human
being. We are a. stiff-necked and re
bellious generation: .. ..
Paving the Way. ;
.'"I have no words to express to -yon
my "feelings-for your daughter," said
the young man; '1"
-"Well," interrupted the old man,
Tvegot to run-down and fix the far
.nace.' ..Ton may. study the dictionary"
while Fm gone"
Fortunes in. Apple Groyving.-Thousands'-to-day
are.- making for
tunes in the cultivation of the- apple
in faraway. Tasmania; said a fruit
.grower who wss on a visit-' to this
country from the colony' to the writer
the other day.
. The island may-we)l-be .described as
the-fruit growers' paradise. An ex
pert agriculturist with a tea-acre
orchard "can not only make a -good la
come la a healthy occHpatlba.- amid
Meal sarroaadiags, bat lad 'at the end
of the seasoa a very "substantial bal
at his bank ,.. '
y y - . .-. . ..- '--
IMMUNZ TO GERMS OF TYPHUS.
Doctor's. Mistake Would Have
Serleue But for Good Health.
A maa la sound health, aeed fear
aomlng from typhoid germs, accord,
lag to evidence' brought out at a Loa
doa hearing of a damage .claim by
tjhe proprietor of a.Malvera "Hydro"
agaiast the local council, for coatam
laatlag his establishmeat water sup
aly." Dr. Thresh, oae of the greatest
English experts oa typhoid, was a wlt
jaees. The bacillus he said, Is . so
miaate thai a drop of water may coa
tale a populatioa eqaaliag the. eatire
."I've swallowed, millions," he re
marked, caeerfaliy. .-
"How did yoa like themr' inquired
the Judge, Immediately, curious.
'1 eajoyei the' pleasure of anticlpa
ttoa for three' weeks," said the doctor,
"bat after that I. feR-hjiippy It was
aa accident, however. 'I was testing
water said' to eon tain -typhoid bacilli.
The weather 'waa hot,' snd oae-day' I
'swallowed a 'glass of. water at a
gala. Too late I .discovered that it
was a glass Into which I had pat the
.typhoid germs. Hid "my health' been
such to-'bave made me a kood aabiect
I .should have suffered. ' As- It was,-I
.felt-aoiU effects:".; .
.HALLUCINATION A TRONQ ONE.'
He Was- Sure' Semaene.. Entered His
''.'Room, 'Att'fough 'Doubly -Lecked. ".
; " . ' ." -. .' .- .
'"I was lying; ia'a'hotel'' bedroom oae
morning.". hesald,::about half s'wake
when. I heard a koy rattling. In. the
doof. .Much to." my -horror, the" .door
opened andlhe maid, came .la to make
:up -the"1 jroom; or at leaat 'so it seemed-
to;nie.' I-called, but" to her '-to 'leave
aad she'.' did' so. - All this happened; in
a "minute .'or Jess 'and I fell asleep
'again.' When? I 'woke'up. I. remembered-
, the. 'incident .clearly.. - .-
'When I .came, to look at.th'e door.
hoyever, I found that It Was' not only
locked -from the insld with'.' the key
stlH .in,-but-that -a bolt' wss also
shot I was sure -that r had seea.the
maidr enter,- but 'when- I vasked her
later if she had; she said 'that 'she
-had tried "the "door from the outside
and' hearing me call out-had departed.
As -far as i' can- make out it must.
have -been a. Very .complete halluciua--
tion about seeing' lier, called, up In"
.my mind In -my; sleepy condition by
my. fear that she'might enter. I won'
der If that has happened' to ..many
. ' During a financial flurry a German
farmer" -went" to the bank, for" -some,
'money. .He was told that" the bank
was not -.paying' out- money; but was
using, .cashier's checks. He could not
understand this, and insisted on
money. The officers took him In
-hand, one at a time, with- little' effect
Finally .the- president- tried his- hand,
and;.after a long and minute explana?
tion; some Intelligence, of the situation.
.seemed to be- dawning on the farmer's
"mind. .. Finally the president said:
"You understand now fully how It is,
Hans, don't "you?" 'Tes,"' said Hans,
Itinkldo.. It's like, dis, ain'dt? Ven
-my, baby .vakes up. at night and vants
milk, I. if him a milk ticket."
A .Strong Point Against Him.
"You . say you have known this de
fendant" for many years?"
"Yes. .ever since he was a boy.-"
"Do-you consider .him to' be of sound
mlndr ' '. "
"Well; I. don't want to say anything
against iiim if it isn't jiecessary."
"But you --are under oath to speak'
the truth. Have you- ever observed In
'his actions anything that would .lead'
you to the belief he was weak men
tallyr "He married the daughter of a poor
man when he might have become the
son-in-law of a; wealthy manufacturer
who would have made him general
manager of- the business."
-He Wouldn't Set
A Washington photographer, now
famous, told. the other day how. In his
youth, he wss. practicing his art in.
Cleveland when Mark Twain visited
the town to lecture. Impressed with
the -humorist's splendid features, the
photographer, at the lecture's end.
sent "up a note asking Mr. Clemens for
a sitting. The Teply that came back.
Was characteristic. It said: "A sitting!
Is thy servant a hen that he should do
No' Cause fer Alarm.
; "I . can't understand my husband,
doctor. I am afraid -there is . some
thing terrible the'inaUer with him."
"What, are his symptoms?''
"Well. I often talk to him. for half
aa hour -at a time, and when I -get
through he hasn't the least idea what
"Do not' worry any more- shout your
hoihand. - I wish I had his gift"
. . . rejudlce.
. "Robert; this spelUnr-paper Is very
poor,"", complaiaed the' small boy's,
teacherl "Nearly every word Is marked
wrong." '.'.'. ... v
. "It wouldn't havebeea so bad." pro
tested; Robert;, "but -Annie, 'corrected
my paper, aad.she's mad at me; and
for every, little letter that I got wrong
she orossed-out the whole word."-;-'.
'. "- : - : :
- Hardships of ;th Rich.
'They sa'y'oM.'Go'talotte was pretty
hard hit durlag the fecec panic."
'-Tea. poor 'old obap;v I'm mighty
serry.'fer aim; too. He Is so-hard- up,
that ha can't afford to smoke aaythlag
better than tavee-for-lfty cigars.' '
. ..Millionaire-Weds Sfepherdesa. '
Herr- Theodore . Schlumberger, a
Qermaa milttoaaire depaty'has Just
been aiarrmd'to a .young aad beautiful
shepherdess whom-. he met tending
her lacks aear Baslt. 'After h short
acqaaiBtaace" he -proposed. His sob
by his ftrst, marriage laterveaed, aad
offered the shepherdess U5.NS to
break the eagageaMat. bat she re
fused. IBs fortune Is estimated at
tt'.M.-M. ' -The father of the bride
1 GREEN FRONTl
&e Largest in
,: ! My Next Sale Will be
Wm 24, 1908
TOO MUCH FOR MRS. DRUMMOND.
Ingratitude of User of Tslephehe Was
the Xast Straw.
When -the Drummonds put in a tele
phone, they' were lavish in their .offers
of hospitality, to the' neighbors.- "It's
the unlimited kind'-said little Mrs.
Drummond, proudly, '."so it. doesn't,
make ,a bit of difference how., long or
how often it's used."
' - As .'time went oh, Mr Drummond -noticed-;
that" when , he returned to his
.pretty suburban home at .night, his
wife's face often wore a-tired' andhar-
rassed expression. - Atvlasf- one night
she seemed- so -depressed- at the din
ger, table' that Mr. Drummond felt the
time, had come for him-to speak.
"I'm sure it's that telephone that's
at the bottom of- your trouble,",'he
said, grimly, in the midst of his-awkward
attempt-at comfort "Come on,
you might as -.w.eli tell -me. about. It"'
. '-I haven't minded -the La wtbns dis
cussing all their -diseases with the
doctor over,. It,, because they have low
-yolces.". said Mrs. .Drummond sadly,
"and I've tried not to listen when Mrs:
Gray ordered; her groceries-' and pro--
' visions aad- haggled over the prices.
- "It wasn't .pleasant to have Miss
Howard -scold- her dressmaker, and'
then have the dressmaker call lip our
number next day and screech that un
til her lasfblil was paid Miss Howard
would have no new gown..
"None 'of those things were pleas
ant; but. I didn't say anything.' fat
.tere'd-Mrs. Drummond.. "But day be
fore, yesterday Mrs. Lombard -came in
whiie I was out Lena told", me when
'I got nome. that Mrs.. Lombard, was
here telephoning, a Jong -time. And
to-day some lady in town called up our
number and said, 'Kindly tell Mrs.
Lombard that Miss Keith' regrets that
after 'ail she'will be unable to go to
Mrs. .Lombard's .tea' on- Saturday.'
"Horace, she's' ordered all the things
and invited all the people over our
wire, and never -asked me. at -all!"
Headache, from Eyestrain.
Basing himself on his records of
nearly 1,300 eye; examinations, Dr. S.
W. S. Toms claims, that 90 per' cent,
of all. those suffering, from reflex or
neuralgic headache have, ocular de
fects, declares a writer in the Family
Over 00 of the patients examined
were altogether 'unaware of their de
feet Fully half the cases were of
only slight refractive errors or muscu
lar unbalance, and it is in these cases
in which ciliary spasm is the direct
factor- In causing' headache in persons,
whose, occupation calls for-near vision
that accommodative asthenopia re
sults. There Is no apparent relation be
tween the severity of the headache
and the degree- of the ocular' defect,,
and-nothing especially characteristic,
except, .perhaps.--the. patient's non-sus-.picion
.of the cause. Sickness or
health impairment may be the first
inciting factor in some patient with
considerable ocular defects which
gave no trouble before.
Those among the assassins' of the
late king of Portugal and. his son who
fell 'victims to the sabers and bullets
of the soldiery-and police' were lucky.
For even In these humanitarian days
the lot of the regicide when -caught is
not usually a very .enviable- one. To
-be -hanged is 'the least he can expect
Perpetual-solitary -imprisonment is, a
faf more dreadful 'fate; . It drove
Bresci. the 'assassin .of King Humbert
of Italy, to' suicide, and it has trans
formed rLucchinl, who murdered the
empress of Austria, into. a. hopeless
imbecile. Among the plotters, impli
cated In. the. murder of the late-shah
of Persia, one -was tortured to death
In -prison, while another. was incased
in wet piaster, pf'paris, which on" set
ting sloWly crushed the life out ef
him. Three of. the assassins of a pre
vious shah, were boiled in -huge cop
King Frederick .and the Sentry.
- "Frederick the Great of Prussia often
told a laughable story of an" expert
ence .of his own. . During one of his
cynpft'gn" in. Silesia he made it his
"habit to stroil through his camp la
disguise at night-to come la touch
with his. soldiers. Oae night he was
stopped by a sentry, but giving the
proper password, was. permitted to
proceed. .Instead of doing so, how
ever, he endeavored to tempt the sea
try iato-acceptiag a cigar, saying that
a smoke would' solace his long watch
. "It is agaiast the rules." said the
.?-rft..- - -tv .
&. .. y.,..
"Bufyou.have.my permission," 'said
the king. ., .
".Your permission! Who are you?'"'
Vl.am the'king." . - '
"The king-be hanged!" said the in
. corruptible -.sentry." "What 'would mj
'captain say?"-rLdndon Tribune.
' 'One 'Definition of Critic.
"The late" Edmund Clarence Sted
man. the. banker-poet;" said ,a maga
zine editor;'. "was really a better critic
than"poet. He.had'a high opinion of
the critic's'fui.cUons- ( Attacks on the
value of .criticism a'lways angered
him. He used to. tell 'about a.typica.
attack of this kind. He heard it at, a
supper-after the-theater, it cam
from an-, unsuccessful- actor. Mr
Stedmari 'was replying to the toast.
.'Our American Critics.' He begar.
with the .query; uttered in a ringing
"What is a critic?' ' o
"The unsuccessful actor, in" the en
suing "pause," answ'ered from the hot
torn of the .table: ;
A man who doesn't , know a good
thins when ha sees it.
. --". 4
J ONLY ONE WAY TO BEAT THEM.
"Big Bill". Devery's Idea 'of Dealing
Big Bill Devery has told New York
.nowto- beat -a bookmaker a tip that
the town has.-been seeking for seme
time. Two Australian, wire sharks
were introduced" to .him under an as
sumed name as a sucker who would
bite at a wire tapping idea. After the
scheme had -been broached, here is
what took, place: "I haven't got any
ready money;"- Devery mused,- when
they had finished outlining the scheme.
"But I suppose I could-raise 10,000 or
so on the' farm. Would that do for a
start? " "Well, of course, Mr. Devery;
if that's all you can raise. But you
really ought to go to It for the house
and lot It's a swell chance to make
a. fortune in a hurry." "I know it is,"
agreed Devery.. "That's what I used
to tell the boobs when I was chief of
police and they came to me with their
hollers. 'It's a good thing.' r says, to
them, 'and I don't see why you don't
get a million out of if But they were
always there with a foolish holler about
the horse coming in second and the
wire. man getting away with the coin.
Something like that was always hap
pening, to crab the act." The Aus
tralians were on their feet and edging
towards the door. "Oh, don't hurry,
boys," said Devery, reassuringly. "I
ain't on the job now. Man named
Bingham's tending to that work. But
I was the best chief New York ever
had, all right. H right." "Must be
some mistake," stuttered one of the
Australians. "No no offense, I hope."
"Oh,- not a bit', was Devery's cheerful
reply. "But-1 don't think I'll go into
it When I want to -beat "the book
makers I'll take a night stick."
Carnegie "Scotch Devil."
"I remember I attracted some at-
GO OUT AND SEE THE FLEET
IN SAN FRANCISCO BAY
Tickets on sale April 25 and-26, limit .
. 60 days, and liberal stop-overs.
- " -VIA-
E. G. BROWN, Agent.
teniion one day. I was a telegraph
operator "down in Pennsylvania," said
Andrew Carnegie. "Over my head
was T. A., Scott, "that great railroad
man. He was supposed to' direct the
movement of the trains on that divi
sion, giving orders at his command.
I signed his name to the orders. T.
"One day hi .was away. The trains
were all late. The eastern express,
was three hour's late. The freight
boyswere lying about the yard wait
ing for-orders. Remembering Nelson. .
I said, to myself! 'Death or Westmin
ster Abbey.' I began getting out the
trains, signing all. orders 'T. A. 8.'
Then the chief came in. .
"'Come, come, Andy, how did these
trains get out?'
" 'Why, I gave the orders. I couldn't
sit here like a dummy, with things
getting behind and all mixed up. I
have 'given the orders many a. time
with you .standing, over me. I knew
what you would have done.'
"Well, he didn't approve at all of my
action to me. But I heard him say
a day or so after to a big man. with
little disapproval in his voice:
"'Do you know what that little
white-haired Scotch devil did the oth
er night? He ran every train on the
'That was" the turning point In my
MIGHT HAVE LET HIM FINISH.
As It Turned Out, Lawyers Were Un
In a suit in a Maine court not long
ago there was adduced a line of tes
timony that created some excitement.
A. witness had testified, that he saw
the. defendant "splitting up" raila a
few hours before the accident for
which defendant was supposed to be
"What did he say he was going to
do with the rails?" asked the counsel,
fixing-the wandering eye of the wit
ness with his stern gaze.
Before the witness could answer,
the defendant's counsel was on his
feet insisting that the question was
not allowable. A prolonged wrangle
ensued. Various high authorities for
and against the admission of the ques
tion were consulted and quoted. -
During all this time the witness
shifted from one leg to the other, aad
gave vent to several prodigious
-awns. As the controversy waged
Hotter and hotter something like a
smile was seen to pass across his
At last the judge ruled that the
Question must be allowed and while
the defendant's counsel, exhausted
with rage, leaned back in his chair
sxcitedly, the query was put once
"What did the defendant say he was
going to do with the rails?"
"Nawthin,." drawled the witness. "I
were drivin my sister's niece to ketch -a
train when I see him. An' now, ef
it ain't unconstitootional. I'd like to
set down as my legs is about gin
out." Illustrated Sunday Magazine.
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