Nebraska Newspapers

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Sum Mb. L
IwiMff iacuba
LMdn Bras, are banlieg graia to
ithmweek.
ited at the home of
m
i a aew windmill, (Jhariie
Md Adolph lam work.'
Jeoflnhamn rihw purchased a team of
i at the bom oak) Moaday.
a surprise party at the
ef Adolph Mueller Friday night.
Joha Luchaiager aad Hanaaa (Jigax
eaea had a fore of team hauling hogs
auoeday aad Taesday.
Otto Swart, Edward Ahreaa, Peter
Haagslar aad Arthar Ahreaa were hunt
tug decks last 8aaday.
Mies Etta Jtoore of Omaha arrived
kw8etardeyfora visit with her par
aaa?, Mr. aad Mra. 0. G. Moore.
lNteMa.4.
are gettiag quite
these days.
Mr. Newmaa, who has been on the
aiek list, ia getting along nicely.
Farmers wQl start their spring work
if the weather eoatinaes favorable.
Jos. Hoerl came down from dear
Water aad will farm the M. Seibler plaoe
taieyaar.
Adolph Sehalta has moved oa the old
1 will work lor Joseph
Poaffelth
A large erowd nattered at the home
ef John Podraxa Monday night aad en
joyed aa old fashioned dance. .
J. A. Kilhorn loaded his household
feeds aad stock last Friday aad left for
Spalding, where he will farm this sum-
eaawJuv
Robert Rnpprecht moved on the Jos
Disohaer farm, oa roate No. 2, aad An-
gast Hsrms moved on the farm vacated
by Mr. Rnparecht.
Workeawa are repairing the bout
oa the old Steveas plase, vacated
by J. A. Kilborn, nnd wheu it is com
pleted wiU be occapied by Butler Bros.
ran a aarprise party at the
of John Hilliard last Wednesday
itag to remind Mrs. Hilliard that
it was her fifty-second birthday. A
good time was reported by all present
Aatarttati Letters.
The following is a list of unclaimed
mail matter ia the post office at Colnm
baa Neb. for the period ending March
3rd. 1908. Letters: Ones E Brown, W
XGaley, Lester GJohnaon, Fred Tha
eaet, M M Poatle, Miss Agnes Supen
aheck, Mies Maud 8peaeer. Mies Milliard
MeKiassly. Cards, Miss Vina Fuller.
Walter Kraase, Tick Koziol, Ralgh
Biagham. Parties calling for any of the
above will please My "advertised."
OAK. KBAXKR.P. M.
Hoekeaberger k Chambers
real estate ageata, report the following
real estate traaafers filed for record in
the oasce of the eoanty clerk since our
lest report sad np to and including
Mareh2,190&
H BBebiaeBa to Max Gottberc south
Mloto7aad8,MkStCoamlxw,d.$ 29BO0O
J W Caster to Fred 8 Lecroa, lotW.
; lilot Ui blk 7. Smith' add to
1950 00
i jajeine to John Baehholtz. lot
4. hah &. Garrard add Colambaa, wd
P 8 McKOlip to Frad H Daria, part ae
aVBf dvaVSvJe na
P E MeKillip to lana Laad Co. S ae4
P E MeKfllip to PanaLaadCo. Iota 12.
lB.U.klkS.Cnatoa.ard
P B MeKillip to Fan Laad Co. lot 1
aad 2. Hk 18, Laekaar'aadd to Ham-
850 00
Ten 00
8660 60
4S30 00
r.wd$
500 00
X709 09
1900 OS
MOOOOS
MTOoee
19W)60
SM0 60
6120 00
tea
169
100
ISO
see 00
sen
760 60
925 60
888 60
1 6 Weaaaor to Valtin Gear, ae
aw, 8t-36-2w.wd..... ................
YaMaGehrto Peter Labtacber. w2ae
aw.aV48-2w.wa.
EPBwiactoPEMcKilUp, lota IS. IS.
14.alkB.CRatoa.wd
Mike raarir, to P E MeKOUp. aw
r.wd
rto Hypolt FJaea. aw 10-
EdAUartoPEMcKUUp. a2 ae.0-
PE MeKillip to HFPraag.8aBMw
ZofeTokerto Joka Stack, part lot S,
aU,7.8.alkU.Daacaa.wd.
JHWardaawato C KWaidenaa.eS
RJ aPaaAWaea ajll
HWfaedHre to Loaiae Laaachea. aw
aPaWaaaj aaBf aaaaej aVU
W J Lacaekea to H W Laedtke. auae..
HFJHeckeabercrr toC B Milla. lot
2. ale M. Backer Plaee. Cotaabaa....
WaiWebetaretal to JoaMWelck. pt
tiw awm
Man E Miller to Wat Wardeana et al,
ateea0aadptaeee.7-l8-le.wd.
H8EwaBw.toAlioeDaBcaa.lot5. blk
BawaBaaaap
HMoekeabeiaat toGaa Stoll.aU blk
HB WkketoJowe Starek, lot S. blk
"" WamatMwfflfiBa. Q08
AlieeWatkiaato Mary A Milea. lot
M.klkM.Oanard'aatldCol.wd
A H Watktoa to L K Miller, lota Uaad
15 60
166
U.klkMLGanard'aadd 960 68
Jee B Paarocki to Joka Paproeki.aw
aaa. BwLSwLAaw varrl
aaMj -avaaWkwaTa WTIa
JBaiinnateWiKlaa.w2w2.awee
""sjfia WJ .
J B aetkaa to L Daka. a2 w2 aw ee. M-
Aswa?f Wa ,
AWeiart to W G Baaa. lot 5. blk SB.
sseoeo
1158 60
1159 60
100
M C Cawaa to aaia Oawia. lot 7. blk S.
BitWaad Park. ColaaAaa. wde
J W Kias to Hj Hockaakercer. w lta
1 aad X blk . Beaker Place. Col, wd . .
Jaka Detach to D Ham. lota S aad 4,
bHcM6.Celaaibaa.vd.
ASM Garker to Nick Blaaer. ee ae SI.
I74w.wd.
HaacwatoliewwaatoCABewaaa.pt
awSatsenBj aaag
CAMiiaiawtoOttoSckayd. pt2247
MaSeaSttoJS Hoaaenuaa. lot, blk
9V aamaaVJaT a7awK9 kBaBHaaVfiwat wfu
B B Hold to Hr Iaadwekr. pt W. U aad
MS 68
1880 60
2308m
sen ee
7500 00
60
65000
A F Biekert, aw as, 24-14-to
J H Wetjaalw ee
4880 60
nm
B4S47-:
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aPaa a aa aaa
J W Malat to Gee Gakriar e ae a ae aa
729M
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25 68
7M8 68
168
4168 68
UfM 68
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LEFT HU GUESSING
INSPECTOR HA5 NO ANSWER TO
CUB? RETORT.
Army Ofitcar Relates Hear Ha Oat
Beautiful tatback tram the
Yeanf Quartermaster of a
Western Peatr
In aa Interchange of repartee,
friendly or for blood, one caa nearly
always lad aomo sort of aaswer la
rebuttal." aald an army oMcer of the
quartermaster's departmeat, "bat I
got the finest flooriag at a weatera
post the other day you ever heard of.
"This cub la the quartermaster at
the western post father a claasy
young fellow, too, oaly eccentric. I
suspect that what alia him la that he 'a
a bit of a genius.
"About two yeara ago this young oaV
cer had a bad fit of sickness after his re
turn from the Philippines, aad it af
fected his head. Ia fact, he had to
take sick leave for six months aad
go to an institution where people are
treated for aervoua prostratloa. At
the ead of his six months he was ex
amined by a board of army aurgeoaa,
pronounced quite aaae again they
gave him a certificate to that elect
and he was restored to duty la the
quartermaster's departmeat. Ha waa
asslmed to duty at thu weatera
I r
,i ir
He Isn't much of a bookkeeper.
and his accounts got ail pickled ap a
while ago, and so after a lot of futile
correspondence the quartermaster's
department fired me of to atralghtea
the cub's accounts out
"When I finished the Job of straight
ening his accounts I proceeded aa per
orders to read a little piece or two
from the riot act to him.
" 'You're got to take a brace, aoa
I said to him, 'or they'll be coming
down on you like a thousand of brick.
They won't stand for another bunch
of messed up accouats from you.
You've got to get right down to It and
keep these things straight if you toee
a leg at the job.'
"Well, he's a decent hoy. aad all
that, but when he proceeded to give
me an argument about this gentle lit
tle lecture I couldn't help but call him.
His Idea df it was that the quarter
master's department's established
method of having post accounts kept
was all wrong, too laborious, Involved,
complicated, and so on, aad he aald
he'd like to have the job of revising
the department's old-fashioned meth,
ods, as he called them. 'This partic
ularly riled me.
"'You're dreaming, youngster. I
said to him. 'Dreaming or daft'
"Then utterly forgetting that the
Jroung fellow had been out of his head
In a sanitarium for quite a spell of
course I never would have made the
remark if I'd remembered that I
added:
" Fact is, you're crazy as a loon.'
'The whelp knew that I wouldn't
have said that had I remembered
about his experience, and so he gased
at me without a bit of resentment In
his expression.
" Ts that sor he said to me. 'All the
aame, I'm the only man on this reser
vation who has got a certificate, that
he Is absolutely sane.'
"I suppose that wasn't a hot one!
It took me right ol my pins. There
wasn't a word to be aald la reply
to that, aad the only thing I could do
waa to slouch away aad make for
some quiet spot where I could talak
It over."
Deserved Hie Liberty.
The smartest lunatic who ever es
caped from an English asylum seems
to be a well-known Hadley man.
Wearing a silk hat aad a frock coat
he walked Into a newspaper oBtee la
Hadley and, after writlag a thrilling
story of how to elude the rigllaat at
tendants at the Staffordshire county
asylum, asked the editor to publish
it According to his story he waited
for a foggy night aad than, after
loosening the screws la his cell wia
dow, descended to the ground by a
rope ladder. He then visited Stock
port and the poor law oflcers to look
over the lunacy law. After learning
that a lunatic could not be apprehended
after 14 days of liberation unless
a fresh order should be made out
against him, he gave himself up to un
restrained celebration of the new year.
He complained In his story that the
asylum system was too prisonlike and
that it discouraged and depressed him.
Use far Laurel and Sunflower.
People who live In damp localities,
particularly near undrained land. In
France have discovered a simple rem
edy for damp situations. Successful
experiments have shown that it la
possible materially to Improve the at
mosphere in such neighborhoods by
the planting of the laurel and the ana
flower. The laurel gives ol an abund
ance of ozone, while the sunflower la
potent in destroying malarial condi
tions. These two, if planted on the
most restricted scale la a garden or
any ground close to the house, will be
found speedily to increase the dry
ness and salubrity of the atmosphere.
Great Chilean Salt Deaeeita.
The salt deposits of Chile are the
greatest in the world. The Salar
Grande mine In the province of Tara
paca, about SO miles south aad east
of Iquiqae, covers aa area of M.aen
acres to the depth of 25 feet This
body of salt ia nearly pure aad oaa
talna more than 14,Mv,OM,e0v tops,
or enough to aupply the world'a de
mands for many decades. There are
several other deposits la the Interior
that cover two or three times the
of the above.
Tree Dawtletiy.
Many methods are befag tried for
the ereservatloa of old aad historical
trees la the east scene ef which are
Intensely lateresUag. Oa the estate of
Joha J. little, at Bala. Pa, la a vary
old sycamore, the trunk of which had
become decayed. The cavity
filled with stone aad cemeat
aroaad Its bane waa thaa built aa
outer stone wan, so arraaaed that the
water would drain away fraam the
traaKoctaa
FAVORS REVIVAL OF PRUNELLA.
Yeuni Woman Criticises Material of
the Present Day Shea.
The young woman looked at her
feet thoughtfully. "I wlan," she said,
"that some new material for making
shoes could he Invented or discov
ered. I should not like to have it
made of wood palp, because our for
ests are already too nearly wiped ol
the earth' bHt I wish it could be Some
thing besides the skins of animals. I
don't like to think about all that kill
ing. Besides, shoes are not satisfac
tory any more. The old French kid,
that I wore when I waa a child can
scarcely be found nowadaya. Dealers
assure 'you that they are giving you
French Md. but it proven to be some
thing greatly inferior. Calfskin which
is now usually called 'matt kid' or
'gun metal kid,' wears well and looks
well, but It is so porous that it makes
the feet cold la winter and hot in
summer lets in the atmosphere,
whatever its temperature may be, jmd
makes the feet auler from it The ma
terial that Is called vlci hid la stiff,
loses its shape quickly and cracks and
peels in a very short time. I believe
some kind of cloth could be invented
which might serve. Our grandmoth
ers ased prunella. They had smaller
and more shapely feet than we have,
too.-
RUSSIAN'S "PRESENCE OF MIND."
Anecdote Illustrates Calleueneesef the
Czar's Officials.
A grimly humorous anecdote is told
by the distinguished patriot. Prince
Serge Dmitriyevich Urossov, in his
book entitled "Memoirs of a Russian
Governor," a translation of which has
just been introduced over here -by the
Harpers. Prince Urussov writes:
"One of my nearest collaborators in
Bessarabia, von R n, the oldest
councillor of the provincial adminis
tration, aad a very kindly man, liked
to tell sometimes of his presence of
mind. Twenty years before he was
called upon to be present at the execu
tion of n Jewish criminal. The con
demned man hung the required num
ber of minutes and was taken down
from the gallows, when the physician
was supposed to confirm his death.
But It appeared that they had forgot
ten to cut off his long, thick beard, so
the noose did not kill.
'"Imagine yourself in my position,
said Rohren; 'the doctor told me the
Jew would come back to life in five
minutes. What was I to do? To hang
him a second time I held to be impos
sible, and yet I had to execute the
death sentence.'
'"But what did you do, thenT I
asked, and received the memorable
answer:
" 'I had him buried quickly before he
regained consciousness.'"
Advice te Girls.
This' bit of advice from an older
woman may sound hard-headed, but
most girls need it "Never put any
thing In a letter that coulda't be pub
lished in a newspaper. No newspaper
is going to publish your letters, of
course, but that ia a good rule to fol
low, nevertheless. A love missive
that has grown cold is about the most
foolish thing ever beheld by the eyes
of man. One's first young love af
fairs seldom amount to much, any
way, and it's just aa well to treat
them as a joke. Of course, it's more
fun when you are serious, hat It's an
excellent idea to show as much intel
ligence aa possible. If It is vitally
necessary to your heart's happiness to
write dearie letters every day, let
them be without beginning or signa
ture so that If by chance they fail out
of the young man's pocket your sen
timents won't be advertised publicly.'
Erin's Shamrock Grows in Seattle.
Among the many natural resources
of the state of Washington new
things are comlag, to light every day.
No less wonderful thaa amusing Is the
fact that the botanical growth of the
state is eariched with oae more spe
cially valuable acquisition, for lo
and behold, the shamrock, the real
thing, has been discovered within the
limits of the city of Seattle.
Poor Pat your claim and mine of re
lationship to the plant and monopoly
of its nativity to our dearly beloved
land, has been lost forever! But In
surrendering our title of exclusive
right to this brave little patriotic em
blem of Ireland there still remains the
one consolation that it waa discovered
growing here by a son of the soil who
hails from near the beautiful Lakes
of Klllarney. Seattle Times.
Rabbit That Could Swim.
William Zimmerman, a telegraph
messenger of .Dubois, Pa., recently
demonstrated that a rabbit can swim
when It must
Zimmerman caught a rabbit on the
island north of the Boulevard aad
brought it to the Pennsylvania freight
depot Br'er Rabbit made aa espe
cially lusty kick aad escaped from
Bill's enfolding arms, fleeing among
the freight cars with Bill aad several
other youths ia chase. Headed off oa
all aides the little creature dived be
tween the wheels of a moviag loco
motive aad with a flirt of his abort
tail jumped iato Sandy creek, which
he awam like a duck, and quickly dis
appeared toward his home ia the
rashes.
In the Present.
"Aad before I accepted him," Miss
Paasay waa saying, "I asked him if he
would love me whea I waa old."
tThe idea!" exclaimed Miss Bright,
"why. If he proposed to yoa he had al
ready proven that hadn't he?"
Hie Difficulty.
"Yoa wrong me." aald Plodding
Pete, "whea yaa say I ala't willla' to
work. I'm jee' dyla' to work."
,-Then what's the trouble?"
Tn tea aoasawmttoaa. Wheaever
I git a job I'm so aaxioas to fill it well
dat I gits stage fright"
Effect Va Effect
"He writes excelleat verse."
"Why, he told me an of his
"That's what
ME SLAMED TE OOVUNMENT.
UnobUging Ms; Saw N Reasea far
Putting Himeelf Out
"Say." remarked -the peat osaee
clerk who waa off duty, aa he watched
a Mead affix two stamps to the coraer
of aa eaevetope, "why doa't you put
those stamps oa hoflaoatally Instead
of vertically? Don't you know you
would save a lot of work for us
stampers If you put you stamps beside
each other iasteadof under each
other? We always hare to make two
strokes when canceling vertically
pasted stamps by hand, and they don't
work well through the stamping ma
chines either."
"Is that sor queried his friend, aa
he took .another envelope aad pro
ceeded to aflix two stamps to it la a
vertical position. "Then, by the great
bora spoon, why doesn't the govern
ment sell its stamps la ' horizontal
lines? Look at these. Here I bought
26 cents' worth of two-cent stamps
and they come to me la vertical liaes.
If I buy five twoa I get them attached
one to the bottom of the other. Do
you think I'm going to the trouble of
tearing each stamp off just to please
a government clerk by pasting them
side by side? Guess again."
ANCIENT AND MODERN FICTION.
Really Little Differenee in the Methane
. of Writera...
The historlaa Freemaa oace said:
"I never let a man die" at' the ead of
a chapter." The modern serial, or con
tinued story, exemplifies a like theory
of pausing at the very'brialc of an ab
sorbing event We consider a year
long serial one of considerable length;
yet In France, In 1S10, the first two
parts of the Aatree, one of the most
celebrated Gallic novels, were pub
lished four or five yeara before the
third part, and several. more ia ad
vance of the fourth and fifth parts.
' About the same time flourished Mile,
de 8cudery, memorable as' the author
of the first romance of any note writ
ten by a woman. She composed and
published by Installments novels of a
length unknown to the readers of to
day. Every story was originally is
sued ' in batches of small octavos,
sometimes running to n score or so.
She has been described aa "the most
pitiless writer of fiction that the world
has ever known."
The same Seventeenth Century, says
Harper's Weekly, illustrates, again,
the willingness of French writers to
abide their time. The poet Malherbe
wished to console a friend on the
death of his wife. By the time the
poem was finished, the gentleman had
been consoled, remarried, and was
himself dead!
Oriental Toy Fish.
William H. Heimbach of Alientown,
Pa., an expert breeder of fancy fishes,
has recently sold a lot of Japanese
rringetaiis and some Chinese fantails
for $10 each. Several of the fringe
tails, with bodies less than three
inches long, have tails four Inches long.
The parent stock was imported from
the orient, but Mr. Heimbach has suc
ceeded in raising about 500 of the fish
in an elaborate hatchery he built ad
joining his home. The fad, in "addi
tion to being expensive, requires in
finite patience' and care. The fish
must be kept and bred in still water,
which Is supplied with oxygen by
mans of odd plants .procured chiefly
from China. The breeding of these
top. flsh, of which single specimens
are worth from $5 to $10. is said to
be the acme of piscatorial culture. A
well stocked five gallon aquarium is
worth about $150.
Their Favorite Mottoes.
Many well-known men have favor
ite mottoes which they endeavor to
live up to, and. curiously enough,
some of them are particularly applica
ble to their professions. "Speech is
silvern, silence is golden," is the
maxim which Sir George Lewis, the
famous lawyer, always bears In mind.
"Tell the truth aad shame the devil" la
Mr. Laboucbere'a 'very appropriate
motto; while Sir John Fisher adopts
the significant words: "The frontiers
of England are the coasts of the
enemy." John Burns is very fond of
the saying: 'The world is my coun
try nnd to do good Is my religion;"
while the British premier gives the
text of St Paul as his motto: "All
things are lawful unto me, but all
things are not expedient"
A True Friend.
A true friend will tell one his faults,
la a saying we often hear, but a true
friend, if he is wise in the knowledge
of human nature, will tell his virtues.
The fact 4a that In this busy world of
ours, with Its keea struggle and sharp
competition, we are pretty apt to he
told our faulta by those who are not
friends, and to be brought face to face
with our mistakes and failures so often
tat we sometimes lose hope and cour
age. Whoever has a word of hoaest
praise for another should feel that he
holds something which ia that other's
due, and hasten to pay it The word
of blame may be a goal, but the word
of hearty commendation will he "some
thing to live up to" through many a
trying hour. The Parish Visitor.
Famoue Beawty a Weedcarver.
Lady Colebrooke. famous alike for
her beauty, accomplishments aad akin
aa a political hostess, pbsseasea a won
derfully complete, carpenter aad wood
-carvlag shop at Abingtoa; Laaarkshlre.
' Here she has not only turned oat
some clever pieces of work bat has
also taught some of the village girls
oa her hasbaad'a estate how to fashion
wood with hammer aad chisel. Lady
Colebrooke ia a clever sculptor, too.
Aa Times Change.
"Politics Is getting to be wonderful
ly interesting," said the observer.
"Yea," aaawerad Senator Sorghum,
"it la mighty lataraatlag. "Bat be
tweea yoa aad aw It laa't aaar aa.
much of aa lavas tmsat aa It aaed to
Mies Elderly 1 painted this por
trait of
(leokJagat the
gtri) Whet a
yoa have!
READY WITH ADVICE
cf
WORDS
OP WISDOM FROM
SOUSED ONE.
THE
Gentleman Temporarily Off the Water
to Object- Which Offended
Hie Senee ef
There catered a dowatowa barber
shop, a day or twp ago, a man who
had' climbed down from the water
wagoa to make room for those who
desired seats.
He came ia aad looked about him
genially. The hoy came up to him to
take his coat aad hat, hut ha coa
tiaued to just look about him aad also
thiags ap. He wore good dothee. aad
the eight-day growth oa hie eouatea
aace didn't harmonise, hat if he want
ed a shave he dlda't acorn la aay rasa
about It He just looked aroaad.
Ia the third chair waa a man with
oae of those big bushy, droopiag wal
rus mustaches. That mustache seemed
to catch the eye of the aoaacd oae.
He walked over to get a better look
at it
"Why dontcfiua cat it off?" ho in
quired of the barber. Then ho pat a
similar query to the am la the chair.
"Why doa't yoa have aim chop It off,
so you'll look like somebody?" he sug
gested. The man la the chair looked aroaad
at aim: '.iWhat are yoa talkta' ahoatr
he asked.
"You know very well what I'm talk
la' about." aaya the aoaaed oae. "I'm
talkia' about that wild grass. Why
doa't yoa have the maa go over It
with his scythe?"
The barber waa disposed to he good
natured with the visitor, aa he seemed
harmless enough, aad probably came
ia to get work done. Therefore he
made no effort to chase him away.
The stranger went oa to observe:
"It wouldn't take a minute for the
man to clip it off."
"Say, what are you talking about?"
demanded the oae la the chair agaia.
"What do you want with such a
thing anyway?" went oa the other oae
irrelevaatly.
The maa ia the chair merely gave
him a look of disgust, but the other
one kept right on: "111 pay the maa
to clip It off for you If you waat me
to."
The owner of the mustache demand
ed once more: "Say, fellow, what are
you getting at aay way?"
"Aw." snapped the pickled oae, "you
think I don't know what It Is. eh? I
know what it ia all right, if I want to
tell. It's a mustache, that's what it
is. Why don't you have it cut off?"
And then he walked out without
even getting n shave. Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"Could Have Had It Andy."
A writer oa a morning daily aaya a
Wall street maa Is responsible for
this: "Did you ever hear of a man los
ing $109,000,000 In cold cash because
heforgot to ask for It?" asked a vet
eran stock exehaage maa. "Well, there
ia such a maa," he continued, "and his
name is Andrew Carnegie. When the
Laird of Sklbo sold out his steel later
ests to J. P. Morgan he got $3ae.eea,
000 ia 5' per cent beads for his prop
erties. You kaow that doa't yoa?
'Shortly after the steel corporatioa waa
put Into working order Carnegie aad
Morgan were on their wny to Europe
on the same steamer; Shddenly Car
negie said: 'Joha, doa't yoa know I
think that I ought to- have got $409.
080,000 Instead of $SO,6wO.O for say
holdings?' Morgan looked nt him with
that cold and aiaiater expresstoa ho
always carries oa his face whea ho
ia about to say something particularly
soothing, aad replied: 'Well. Aady.
you could have had it' "
The Saggar Talked Shea.'
"I've asked more'a a hundred people
for the price of n cup of coffee to-day."
said the beggar, approaching a maa la
Thirty-sixth street the other evealag.
"Aad how many caps of coffee did
you wia?" Inquired the victim, haadiag
over a dime.
"Honest" replied the beggar, "that's
the first dime I've got to-day. I took la
a whole lot o peaales aa' a few alch
els, but that's the first dime. Every
time there's hard times us folks ia the
first to feel it People's alias generous
to us whea they've got moaey, bat
when they're pinched we poor folks hi
most allua turned down. Aa' It ala't
right We got to live somehow." Aad
the beggar shufiled off aa happy aa the
ordinary maa who la allowed to talk
shop for a few mlaates without belag
Interrupted. New York Globe.
Champion Layer.
"What are yoa going to do with that
loggerhead turtle?" asked the tourist
In Florida.
."Going to send it to President
Roosevelt" responded the old water
man. "H'm! Don't you think It would he
more appropriate to send him a
bear?"
"No, Ira going to send him this
old turtle because she is so opposed
to race suicide. Just laid 399 eggs,
by gosh."
Weather or Not
A Germaatown womaa discovered
oae morning recently that her maid
Nora had brokea the thermometer thnt
hung In the receptlea halt
"Well, Nora," sighed the mistress of
the house, la a reelgaed way, "you've
maaaged to break. the theraKmeter,
havea't you?"
"Yls, mum." replied the maid, la a
tone equally reelgaed. "Aad. bow.
mum. we'll jlst have to take the weath
er as it comes!" Harper's Weekly.
A Calm Avowal.
"So." remarked the old-time friend,
"society aaa at last welcomed yoa
with open arme?"
"No," aaawerad Mr. Cumrex; "I am
still eadeavoriag to welcome society
with oaaa bocketbook."
On the Pier.
"Beat yoa talak K la a erasy thing
far aa to aame dowa here Jest te
watch them haal oat a tot of
iaabigaetr
WHERE PRICES .RUN Hlawf.
Oat of a
f, V
O.
a sugar jobber of New
la a anuria
ihe
kindly virtue of charity.
"Oa,my hut vault to New York
It was' some moatas before the panic
I spoke harshly of a millionaire who
haul been accused of doable dealing
la a baakiag traaaactlea.
"Said Mr. Havemeyer: 'Let as not
condenui this maa unheard. Remem
ber that hlf Sallt baa not yet been
proved, aor.aaa he yet told his owa
aide of the story.'
"Thea Mr. Havemeyer leagued aad
said that ia the moat untoward coadi
thrna accuaed mea were oftea able to
clear thesnselvea. He told of a yoaag
girl who a week or no after Christmas
complaiaed bitterly to her mother:
"'Mamma, I doubt if I shall he hap
py with George. I fear he Is of a de
ceptive nature.'
. " 'Why. darllag. what do yoa mean?
the mother asked.
" 'Well, mamma. said the young girl
eameetly, you kaow that collar pia
he gave me for Christmas? He swore
to mo that ha paid $25 for It but to
day I aaw lta exact counterpart priced
at five dollars at a jeweler's.'
"Ah. hat my child.' aald the moth
er, yoa mast remember how very re
ligious George Is. Uadoubtedly he
bought the pta at a church fair.' "
" MfJI6B)QlBT aVy aa tP4nllu?
The death .of Keaita. the hair-myta-ical
klag of Seotlaad. waa one of the
moat curious aad remarkable hi his
tory. If It may ha called a historical
fact It seems that Kealth had alaia
Crataliatua. a son. aad Malcolm Daf
fua. the hiag aad brother of Feaaella;
she, to be revenged, caused Wlltua,
the stoat ingenious artist of the time,
to fashion a statue filled with auto
matic springs nnd levers.
Finished aad set up. this brazen Im
age was aa admirable work of art
Ia lta right hand Wlltua placed a
ewer aad la the left an apple of pure
gold, finely set . with diamonds nnd
other precious stones. To touch this
npple was to court death. It was so
arraaged that aay' one guilty of such
vandalism would he Immediately rid
dled with arrows shot from loopholes
In the statue's body.
Kenlth waa invited to see the won
der, aad, kinglike (and just as Fea
aella hoped) tried to pluck the Imita
tion fruit He waa instantly riddled
with poisoned arrows, dyiag where he
felL
The StantaJeas Man.
"Did you ever stop to think how
helpless a man Is without postage
stamps?" inquired the man with the
armful of packages the other day.
"We use stamps tots of times without
thinking about it don't realize how
many things we mail from day to day.
Bat awhile ago I started to mall a
big bunch of 'Christmas packages, aad
waated abobt 59 cents worth of
stamps. The hotels were all aold out
or nearly so. I stepped at three drag
stores without fiadlag a alagle stamp.
aad thea I made for the post offtee
aahstatloa dowa la the arcade. There
waa a liao of people there half a block
long. I femldat wait there aad I weat
oa dowa to the post otsce. The lino
there waa Just as long.
"Well I Anally got my stamps hat
It took me about two houra altogeth
er. I aever had aay idea a maa could
waste so much time just over the
postage stamp problem la a tawa this
sue." Cleelaad Plata Dealer.
Net Exorbitant
The summer resident looked sharply
at Mr. Jameson's guileless moon face.
aad thea at the mild aad aone-too-sprightly
horse he waa offering for
sale.
"Doa't yoa. think $159 rather a stiff
price to ask for a home like that?"
asked the.i-summer resident '"How
old is her
"He'a oaly jest thutty," said Mr.
Jameson, calmly.
"Thirty yeara old, aad you expect
to get $159 for him!"
"I doa't kaow aa I expect to get If
aald Mr. Jameson, without rancor,
"but it seems ss if I'd ought to have
full aa much as that It doa't come
to but five dollars a year, aad he's
coat me a -good deal more'a that most
years." Youth's Companion.
' Reason ffsr'aVief.
"You look unhappy."
"But you oace aald that if your hus
band ever accumulated a million you
would be perfectly happy?"
"I know it, but Mrs. Nezdore's kus
haad has accumulated two millions."
Atlanta Coastitutioa.
A Modern Heaaehold.
The Cook Yoa have borrowed my
savings, you wear my beat bat whea
you go out and I've only half enough
to eat at that, so I'm going to leave.
Mistress Why, I told yoa that we
should treat yoa as a member of the
family. Transatlantic Tales.
Ite Danger.
Nurse Please, m
. I can't find
We've looked
little Frahzi anywhere.
all over.
Mistress Did yoa took to see If he's
been gathered ap by the vacuum
cleaae-ATraasatlaatlc Tales.
s. r
Qeergla'a Future.
Atlanta Majah CoL Okorn Is a db
ceraiBafepicara aad boa vtvaat I aa
derataad.
Atlanta Geaeral Yea. aaa. He'a
the best judge of lemonade In the city,
sub ! "Cleveland Leader.
Fortune to Child aad Dag.
Romeo aad Juliette are two of the
most latereetiag persoaagea la Paris.
Julette ia the oaly daughter aad
Romeo the favorite dog of aa eccea
trie hat very wealthy widow who died
a couple of yeara ago. By her will
Mate. Cleery left her fartuae to he hv
vested la government beads, the la
derived therefsom to ha divided
her little
her ban terrier Rome
aad Jaaotto, fortuaateiy. are the
the das mvnriably
atluahttUe
awttLBD AT THE WRONG TIME.
9n loanTwwC
Ceetly.
I ffvlWaa
Whea "Laugh aad the world
with yoa" waa written, the author
aa thought of the autocratic oaaa ef
the earth who caaaot aee tbemeetvee
la aaythlag approaching a ridiculoaa
Hght
It la related that the preaeat
of Russia, returning oace from a
Journey, was weary and in 1
to he trifled with. Aa he w
lag through his apartments ho ahpeed
oa a bearskin mat that lay oa the
polished floor. Clutching nt oaa of
his attendants, he aearly brought him
self nnd his aupport to the Boor.
Baron Eaidoff. at the time a confl
deatial adviser, could act check a
smile, which his monarch tamed just
in time to observe. The aoxt day
Eaidoff waa dlamtased from hie of
tee. aad lost the $. attached to
the post
Aaother ruler who Is not to be trifled
with Is William of Germany. Gone
Mllhaake, a clever but bluff Scot, waa
waa aa expert la colonial admlasstra
tton. waa once taken up by the haissr
who wished his advice on eastern af
fairs, and had decided to give him
aa important position to guard Ger
.maa iateresta ia China. At oae of
their conferences the kaiser made aa
absurd suggestloa aa to eastern diplo
macy. Milhaake laughed. The em
peror wished him a frigid good eight,
aad aever received him agaia.
Aaother Scottish administrator. Dua
caa McVea, waa adviatag the late pleaa
aat but touchy king of Portugal, who
had planned to put the shaky govern-,
meat of the Cnpe Verde islanda in the
hands of this skillful manager. The
king became much excited, aad ssada
a ludicrous botch of his English, whka
waa usually excellent McVeaamUed)
audibly, and was promptly ordered
away. He waa aever appointed to the
governorship, which carried a salary
of $25.w9.
f
The Thirsty Veteran.
The pitiful poverty of the army vet
erans, on whose behalf Earl Roberta
makes aa appeal, has developed la
some of them a subtle keenness la se
curing for themselves those little lux
uries which waat of moaey preveatn
them from obtaining ia the ordinary
wny. Aa aged hero of the Criaseaa
war aad ladtaa mutiny, who resided ia
a remote village In Scotland, waa oaa
day interviewed by a party of geatlo
mea oa aa outing. They listened with
interest to the story of the old maa'a
share ia the above-mentioned cnm
nalgas. aad. after thanking aim pro
fusely. were about to depart, whea the
aged warrior suddenly remarked:
"There's aaother thing, geatleme
that I caa recall to miad." "Ah. la
deed! What la that?" eagerly ask ad
the tourists, expecting to hear a most
interesting remlniecenci.
"Gentlemen," said the veteraa la im
pressive tones. "I weel remember tknf
I waa Just as thirsty during the whole
of the battle of Ikerman as I am now!"
The party took the hint. Dundee Ad
vertiser. Fameue Character la Dead.
Aa iaterestiag personality 'baa Just
passed away at Brighton, England, ia
William Oliver, marquis de Leuvlllsv
Of striking though somewhat eccentric
appearance, the marquis wan ia his
younger days aa exceedingly hand
some man. Both the early and latter
part of bis life was spent la England
hut for many years he resided ia
France aad Italy, aad was a muster
of the languages of both countries. Ol
a naturally amiable dispoaltioa. he waa
quick to reseat affront A skillful
shot aad a more skillful swordsman,
he was the hero of several exciting
duels, while his remarkable eacoaate
with a certain prince in Hyde Park
some years ago, whea he left ale car
rfhge to horsewhip publicly the de
fumer of a lady with whom his aame
waa thea associated, is still fresh ia
the public memory. As a writer ol
verse he was far above the average,
aa the several editions of his book;
"Eatro Nous." will testify. Among the
aameroua songs published uader his
aame perhaps the saost succeosfal
"The First Kiss." which raa iato
thing like 199.909 copies.
A Tragedy.
A Mr. Noamo King waa questloaed
about the oddity of his Christlaa
came.
"It la this wny," he said; "my moth
er made n point of giving nil of her
chlldrea unusual names. I waa three
months old before she fouad oae for
see that she liked. One day. walla
out shopping, she saw on one-half of n
swinging door the word 'Noamo,' while
the other half bore King,' her owa
aame.
" 'Noamo Klag. she noted saentally.
not perceiving that the letters spelled
'no smoking' when the doors were
closed; hence my lifelong nfliictioa."
Harpers Weekly.
Man'a EndU
As a great preacher oace
"Maa la continually looking for hia
lost inheritance of happiness, which
the allegory of the Gardea of fata
prefigures. He hadws It extota for
him somewhere, and he la ever knock
ing, knecUng generally at the wrang
door, of selfishness, greed, mhaaua.
lust all aorta of foolish doors; aad wo
call hia miatakea seeklag by a
Sla.' "
Oil Fuel far WarahfasL
The British admiralty la
las the poeaibtllty of supplanting anal
with cH la the "mssqaHar aaet. the
swiftest of Eaglaad'a war boats. A
fleet of naval tank atsnmsrs would
keep the depots
Acceuntinf for It
Goodley You doa't mesa to tell
that Bragg la dowa aad out aaaacial
ly? Why. the Inst tbae I aaw aim
he told me he waa rapidly mounting
the ladder of success aad
wise tim: probably he aba
mindedly stepped off the top mag.
of Hia
"Why do yoa act your alarm eleckr
Yea aever get up whea R rtags!"
"No. Bat I have tW sattofactlea ef
aaowtag I am slssplns hue ef my owa
M whU. aad aot by saHaaf J
M
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