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'.Personal fends have played their
-part, and a fateful one. In the hls
V - tory of the presidency. Had not Alex
.. aider Hamilton been the unyielding
.-': foe of Aaron Burr, the latter, and not
":- Jefferson, would have succeeded the
elder Adams; but even more moment
'". ous In Its consequences was the long
iattle between Andrew Jackson and
Henry Clay. When Jackson first ran
" for the presidency, in 1824, the candl-:-
dates opposing him were Adams,
l' aummmmuuneK& ' V. v
Mm Burr
Crawford and Clay. None of the four
secured a majority of the electoral
college, and the election thus devolv
ed upon the House, with choice to
be made from the three candidates
Adams, Crawford and Jackson who
had received the most electoral votes.
This debarred Clay, who, forced, as he
expressed it, to choose betwen two
evils, announced that he had decided
to support Adams. But Clay's deter
mination no sooner became known
than some of Jackson's friends at
tempted to drive him from it The
weapon used for this purpose recalls
one of the most discreditable inci
dents in our political history.
A few days before the time set for
the election in the House a letter ap
peared in a Philadelphia newspaper,
asserting that Clay had agreed to sup
port Adams upon condition -that he be
made Secretary of State. The same
terms, the letter alleged, had been of
fercd to Jackson's friends; but none
of them would "descend to such mean
barter and sale." The letter was
anonymous, but purported to be writ
ten by a member of the House. Clay
at once published a card, in which he
pronounced the writer "a dastard and
a liar,' who, if he dared avow his
name, would forthwith be called to
the field. Two days later the letter
was acknowledged by a witless mem
ber from Pennsylvania, Kremer by
name, who asserted that the state
ments he had made were true, and
"that he was ready to prove them. A
' duel with such a character was out
of the question. Something, however,
.- had to be done, and Clay immediately
demanded an investigation by a spe-
-cial committee of the House. Such a
committee was duly selected. None
of its members had supported Clay for
the presidency. Kremer promptly de-
- clared his willingness to meet the in
quiry, but in the end the committee
reported that he had declined to ap
pear before It, sending instead a com-
. municatkra in which he denied the
power of the House to compel him to
testify. No further action was taken,
and in this shape, for the time being,
the matter rested.
Soon, however, came the election of
Adams by the House, followed quickly
- by his appointment of Clay as his Sec
retary of State. Though It Is now
generally acknowledged that there
has been no bargain between Adams
and Clay, it was natural that, at the
moment, the rank and file of Jack
son's following should regard Clay's
appointment as conclusive proof that
such a deal had been made. By ac
cepting it Clay made himself the vic
tim of circumstantial evidence. As
a matter of fact, he hesitated to ac
cept the place, and finally assumed
its duties with reluctance. What chief
ly determined him was the belief that
if he did not accept it would be
argued that he dared not This to
Clay was more obnoxious than the
other horn of the dilemma. He, there
fore, took the alternative of bold defi
ance; but in so doing committed a
calamitous error.
A strong effort was made at the mo
ment to reject Clay's nomination.
This failing, the cry of "bargain and
corruption" was again raised, and
with it began another contest for the
presidency, a contest longer and more
scandalous than any other in our po-
WORK LONG WITHOUT SLEEP.
Trainee Nam at Times Must Keep
Lengthy Visile.
"It always makes me smile to hear
-aen ti about their long hours," said
the trained nurse. "If by any possi
ble chance a man hasn't had his
clothes off for twenty-four hours you
never hear the end of it -unless per
haps the occasion has been an all
night poker game or something of
1 the sort whicVae isn't so apt to talk
about Bat ordinarily he makes a
sreat fuss over his long hours, par
ticularly if due to stress of work or
Rome unexpected duty. Now, a trained
nurse, evea though one of the general
ly accepted 'weaker sex.' thinks noth
icg, when occasion demands, of going
tbree or four days and nights with
out once closing her eyes. I recently
was called to a typhoid fever case on
a Thursday, and on the following
Waaaesday the patient died. In all
that tine I onlv hmd five hears sleeD.
thfie boars 8smday afteraocsi and two
hows 'Monday night On rase occa- 2
f??l have gone even longer th?T
tuat without any sleep at all. r
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cost m Presimnci"
QHBfflTffiiiDQisais. Ism. .aaa
litical annals. Everything that rancor
ous partisan Intention could concoct
was spread broadcast by the Jackson
journals; nor were Clay and Adams
the sole objects of the storm of slan
der. Charges of the most infamous
character were made against Jackson,
and inflamed his animosity against
Adams and Clay to a degree that ap
proached insanity. Jackson believed
Clay capable of anything of which the
latter could be accused, and he him
self gave currency to the "bargain and
corruption" cry, which was printed,
placarded and harped upon throughout
the land. Clay, on the other hand, was
unable on the stump to assume the
line of dignified refutation; and his
language, losing all restraint, became
the vehicle of raving wrath. The re
sult of the contest was a signal tri-
Alexander Hamilton.
umph for Jackson. Even Kentucky,
Clay's own state, went against him,
and Adams retired in the shadow of
deep humiliation. Four years later,
when Clay himself was a candidate
against Jackson, he received but forty
nine out of 286 electoral votes.
In 1880 the unrelenting animosity of
Henry B. Payne alone prevented Allen
G. Thurman from being made the
nominee of the democratic national
convention. In 1857 Payne was a
candidate for the democratic nomina
tion for governor of Ohio. The con
vention met in Columbus, and Thur
man, then fresh from a period of bril
liant service on the supreme bench of
his state, had a friend in whose candi-
Maury B. Payne
dacy for state treasurer he was much
interested. Some of Payne's lieuten
ants, without his knowledge, promised
Thurman the support of the Payne
forces for his friend in return for the
votes he controlled in the convention;
but the Thurman candidate for treas
urer failed at the last moment to re
ceive the promised support of the
Payne following, and was defeated.
Payne was not aware of the trick that
had been played upon Thurman, but
the latter, who scorned double dealing
in any form, was quick to resent it.
Within the hour the opportunity to do
fell in his way. The convention ended,
Payne went to a hotel for dinner, ac
companied by some friends, and in
jovial mood opened wine in celebra
tion of his success. Presently Thur
man and a few friends came in and
took seats at an adjoining table.
Payne bade the waiter carry a bottle
of wine to the newcomers, but in a
moment It came back with the gruff
Jama a lain
message that Mr. Thurman did not
care for any of Mr. Payne's wine. In
evident surprise at this refusal, Payne
rose from his seat and crossed to the
group of which Thurman was the cen
tral figure.
"I trust you and your friends will
drink a bottle of wine with me, judge,"
he said, urbanely. "Drink to my suc
course, we try to make up for it after
ward, but it's a good bit like cheating
nature."
POLITE MAN AND MORGAN.
Didn't Give Latter Chance to Express
Himself.
J. Pierpont Morgan, who is really
an excellent raconteur, tells a very
good- story about a man who apparent
ly possessed a more than average
amount of politeness.
Hurriedly leaving the office one Sat
urday afternoon,' the great financier
was nearly thrown off his feet by col
liding with a man who was rushing
from the direction of Broadway.
Mr. Morgan was about to say some
thing more expressive than polite,
when the polite man raised his hat
vnd said:
-"My dear sir, I don't, know 7-hich
of us is to blame for this violent en
counter, but I am in far too great a
hurry to investigate. If I ran into
yon, I be your pardon. If you ran
ir.to re: non't mention it."
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cess and the victory of the democratic
party."
"I do not want any of your wine,
sir," was the reply. "I told that
damned waiter to say aa mack to yon,
sir, a moment ago." And sos saying,
Thurman turned his back abruptly on
the man from Cleveland.
Payne never forgot nor forgave this
public insult. The quarrel thus begun
ever after kept the two men apart, and
three and twenty years later thwarted
Thurman's highest ambition. In 1880
he was a candidate for the presidential
nomination before the democratic na
tional convention. Had he had the un
flinching support of the Ohio delega
tion, there is little doubt that he
would have been0 the nominee. The
delegation was solid for him on the
first ballot Then it broke and the
chances of his nomination vanished
into thin air. Payne was behind the
break. The delegates from the dis
trict in which his Influence was su
preme led it and were strongest in the
claim which stampeded the convention
to a dark horse. As Ohio was then an
October state and practically certain
to go for Garfield, the result would be
disastrous to the democratic cause.
That argument defeated Thurman and
nominated Hancock, and the revenge
of Payne was complete.
But the most dramatic of all the
political feuds of the last forty years,
both in its inception and its sequel,
was that between Blaine and Roscoe
Conkling. The two men entered the
popular branch of Congress at about
the same time, and both soon became
leaders in that body. There was,
however, little in common between
them save the gift of pre-eminent abil
ity. Conkling made Blaine the ob
ject of his sarcasm whenever oppor
tunity offered, and the member from
Maine was prompt to retort in kind.
Thus the enmity grew until, in the
course of one of their many encoun
ters, Blaine, stung to the quick by an
unjust and ungenerous taunt burst
forth in an onslaught on his torment
or which wrought the House into a
high pitch of excitement and marked
the beginning of a fierce struggle in
the Republican party that ended in
the humiliation of Conkling and the
defeat of Blaine for President Here
are Blaine's words, and they are a
model of excoriation:
"As to the gentleman's cruel sar
casm, I hope he will not be too se
vere. The contempt of that large
minded gentleman is so wilting, his
haughty disdain, his grandiloquent
swell, his majestic, supereminent,
overpowering turkey-gobbler strut has
been so crushing to myself and all
members of this House that I know it
was an act of the greatest temerity
Alton G. Tharmaft
for me to venture upon a controversy
with him."
Then, referring to a chance news
paper comparison of Conkling to
Henry Winter Davis, lately dead, he
continued:
"The gentleman took it seriously
and it has given his strut additional
pomposity. The resemblance is
great; it Is striking Hyperion to a
satyr, Thersites to Hercules, mud to
marble, dunghill to diamond, a singed
cat to a Bengal tiger, a whipped pup
py to a roaring lion. Shade of the
mighty Davis, forgive the almost
profanation of that Jocose satire."
There could be no reconciliation
after such an onslaught, and the bat
tle was to the death. Defeated for
the Republican nomination by Conk
ling and his friends in 1876 and again
In 1880, Blaine in a the latter year
threw his following to his friend
Garfield, who, nominated and elected,
made Blaine his secretary of state
and official right hand. Then came the
struggle over the New York patron
age, which retired Conkling, and was
followed by the assassination of Gar
field. In 1884, when Blaine was final
ly the formal choice of his party,
Conkling was no longer in politics,
but the sequel proved that his was
still the will and power to strike a
mortal blow. A defection of a few
hundred votes in Conkling's home
county of Oneida gave that county,
normally Republican, to Cleveland,
and with it the electoral vote of New
York and the presidency. Conkling
had wiped out the score against his
ancient enemy. Rufus Rockwell Wil
son in Philadelphia Ledger.
Lions Fond of Lavender.
lion tamers frequently perfuan.
themselves with lavender. There is
it is said, no record of a lion ee?
having attacked a trainer who hai
taken the precaution of using thl
perfume.
OFFICE BOY WAS GENEROUS.
Allowed His Employer Overtime for
Lunch.
Visitors who want to see Charles R.
Flint during business hours at the
summit of the Broadway Exchange
skyscraper are confronted by a row of
desks, a railing with a wicket gate and
a boy.
"Mr. Flint in?" asked a visitor of
the boy one day -last week.
"No. sir."
"When do you expect him?"
"Oh. an hour or so, mebbe."
"Can't you tell me anything more
definite than that?"
"Well," answered the boy, -"he's
been gone to luncheon twenty min
utes. I usually allow him aa hoar
and twenty minutes for lunch."
"Oh, I see," said the visitor, aa he
turned toward the door. ,
"See, here," shouted the boy.
"I see," answered the visitor.
"I don't mean that I allow Mr. Fliat
an hour and twenty minutes for lunch
I r:-r 2to- tliat time. Seer
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War Cost
The financial cost of war may not
oe the moat important ground on
which to decry it, but It is likely to
appeal to the sober second thought of
our so-called civilized nations as no
other consideration will do. In a bud
get speech Mr. Gladstone of England
once made the following statement:
"The expenses of a war are the
moral check which it has pleased the
Almighty to impose upon the ambi
tion and lust of conquest that are in
herent In so many nations. There is
pomp and circumstance, there Is glory
and excitement about war, which, not
withstanding the miseries it entails,
invests it with charms in the eyes of
the community, and tends to blind
men to those evils to s? fearful and
dangerous degree. The necessity of
meeting from year to year the expen
diture which it entails is a salutary
and wholesome check, making them
feel what they are about, and making
them measure the cost of the benefit
upon which they may calculate."
Great Britain is to-day paying the
financial price of the recent long-drawn-out
conflict with the Boers In
South Africa, and the people find the
price a heavy one. Naturally the na
tions of Europe, who are at present
only spectators of the Russo-Japanese
war, hope that the conflict may be
Before Mark Twain made his name
famous in his first production of "The
Innocents Abroad" he was attached
to the staff of the old Alta California.
It was while there that he perpetrated
one of his Jokes, which at that time
had no more significance than that of
an ordinary wag who enjoyed a little
fun at another's expense. But since
Mark has made his name known to
the reading world the joke will bear
repeating.
It was one of those hot summer
days that occasionally visit San Fran
cisco that Mr. Woodward, one of' the
proprietors of the Alta, stepped into
the editorial room and there found
Clemens drawing on the end of a brier
root pipe. Woodward mopped his
brow and when he cooled down he
began to deliver himself forcibly.
"I'm disgusted," said Woodward, "at
what I just saw on the street as I
passed by the carriage leading into
Wells, Fargo & Co.'s yard down at
California and Montgomery. Sitting
on a chicken coop, either drunk or
knocked out by the heat of the sun,
is a police officer fast asleep."
"Let us take a look at the animal,"
said Clemens, getting up from his
Physiologists say that the Japanese
present the most perfect physique of
any race in the world. Most of the
diseases common to the Occident are
unknown among the subjects of the
Mikado, and this happy condition they
themselves attribute to the fact that
they eat sparingly and only of plain,
nourishing food. A Japanese visiting
in this country is appalled at the
quantity of food consumed by his host
in one day. Especially is he im
pressed with the extravagance of our
poorer people, writes Robert Webster
Jones in the June Housekeeper. In
Japan meat once a day is a luxury
even among the well to do. It has
often been said that to enjoy perfect
digestion one should always arise
from the table just short of the point
of repletion. A Japanese saying
which may be cited in confirmation
is: "I am happy because I am hun
gry." . Certainly when we remember
bow small an organ comparatively the
human stomach is, the danger of over
loading it becomes very apparent
Ballad of
Paddles and pools in the village street.
Dripping- eaves, where the swallows
hide:
The splash and splash of horses' feet
Down the muddy lane, and trees be
side. Sodden and soaked till the raindrops
fall.
Like tears, and the twigs with jewels
set
Of limpid water, and over all
A haze of mist,, like a cloak all wet
Under the boughs of the great oak tree
The glistening bulks of the huddled
Une.
Driven from the pasture and rhythmi
cally Munching their cuds, and their broad
backs shine.
Drenched and matted with pelting rain.
Plaintively sounding a lowing wall;
A passing team in the muddy lane
And a muffled and melancholy hafl. i
Blinding sheets of the driven rain;
Mist over hollow and plain and hlU;
Splashing drops on the misted pane
That thickle down to the window 801;
Beaten fowls, with their ruffled crests.
Crowding close to the' sheltering wall;
Dripping orchards and sodden nests.
With mist like a wet cloak over all.
The herdsman lowers his broad hat brim
New York Times.
The manner of making bread in
Paris I have never had the courage to
personally Inspect I only know that
instead of being fabricated in the
home or in great, clean, sanitary fac
tories as in the United States, it is
made somewhere in the bowels of the
earth under the small bakeshops.
I would no more dare go down into
one of the bread kitchens than I
would dare ask my cuisinlere how
many times in her life she has had a
whole bath.. I have seen enough at
the counters where bread is sold to
get the French point of view concern
ing bread, which Is even worse than
the 'French point of view concerning
literature.
Just aa I am writing I glance across
the street iato a bakeshop. opposite
and I see a woman dusting on a pfle
of hread in the window with a feather
duster. They have absolutely no.
sense of any difference between breaw'
v
I One of Mark's Jokes -1
i
Frugal Diet of Japs
. Ways of Paris Bakers
xjfjjjjrvrkr'm'm'm'mmMmmmmmmmmmmmMM'
Come
"A facetious parson lately preached
to his congregation, among which are
to be 'seen some of oar most fashion
able fair ones, from the text of St.
Paul, "Let the women be
this
Is Immense
limited to the two nationa now active
ly engaged In hostilities. None of
them has any money to throw away;
and in the event of n geaeral Euro
pean imbroglio, the expense would be
simply enormous. Accepting the es
timate of about 400.000 soldiers at the
present total of the Japanese army,
the coat of landing this force on the
Korean or Manchurian coast at the
rate of $10 per man, exclusive of
horses, artillery and supplies, would
be 14.000,000.
M. Roche', formerly French minis
ter of commerce, estimates that the
cost of war to Japan, including her
navy, will be a million dollars a day.
That means the entire earnings of
8,000,000 Japanese toilers, since their
average wage is twelve cents a day.
As the population of Japan is '45,000,
000, one wonders who is to support
her non-combatants. Russia, too, will
have a serious bill to meet M. Roche
claims that when that country has
got over her first expense, it will cost
her from a million and a half to a
million and three-quarters a day to
maintain her military and naval
forces, so long as the conflict is con
fined to the far East This means the
equivalent of the wages of 7,000.000
Russian laborers. New York Ob
server. desk and walking out
On his way down to the corner he
stepped Into the California market
and, going up to a vegetable stall, he
plucked a large leaf from a head of
cabbage. When he arrived at the
place where the big, fat policeman
was fast asleep the humorist proceed
ed to fan him with the cabbage leaf.
This amusing scene soon attracted a
crowd, which inside of ten minutes
had swelled into hundreds and Cali
fornia street was blocked to traffic.
To add to the excitement someone
had run to the old city hall and in
formed 'Captain Douglass that there
had been a robbery at Wells, Fargo
& Co.'s, as the place was surrounded
by armed men. Douglass summoned
every available cop on his force,
which at the time counted less than
a dozen, and rushed to the place desig
nated. After brushing the crowd to
one side he entered the gateway and
there found Clemen3 whirling the cab
bage leaf as though nothing unusual
had occurred about him. To say that
Captain Douglass was mortified would
be but a mild expression. The drow
sy cop lost his star and Clemens en
Joyed the joke.
A distinguished diplomat from Jap
an was recently the guest of honor at
a dinner in Washington. After the
first two courses of oysters and soup,
as the waiters were bringing in the
fish, he exclaimed: "What! Can
anyone possibly want more to eat?"
During the remaining six. courses he
opened his mouth for the exclusive
purpose of conversation, c When his
abstemiousness was commented upon
he said: "I am satisfied. I feel bright
and wide awake. If I were to eat as
much as you do I should fall asleep,
and then I could not make my speech.
Most of the men around this table are
fat, because they eat too much. It is
a misfortune to be so fat. I am
stronger and healthier than any fat
man."
It is a popular fallacy that three
"hearty" meals a day are necessary to
one's physical well-being. Doubtless
we should all feel better if we ate
less. In this, as in many other mat
ters, self-denial and happiness go
hand in hand.
the Rain
To a sheltering slant and the rain
drops fall
From the beaded edge of the lowered rim
To the oilskin coat that envelopes all
His length; the guiding collie stops
From gathering in the grazing flocks
To shake from his sides the glistening
drops
That mat the mass of his silken locks.
The eave spout gushes its frothy streams,
.Whence the rain barrel fills and over
flows
Its sides, and the slate roof blacker
'gleams
Through the murk and mist; the house
wife goes
From room to room, lest the windows b
Unshut. and peers through the soddea
pall
Without, and the rain beats endlessly.
With mist luce a wet cloak over all
Sullen and sodden and soaked and splash
ed
With pelting drops lies the distant
field;
The roads lie heavy and wet steeds,
- dashed
With mud. where a carriage, muddy
wheeled. Rolls down the. road, and the drear day
long
The weeping clonds no comfort hold.
The pelting fain dins a sullen song
And the day is bloomy, gray and cold.
and wood and coal, and they deliver
it at one's home accordingly. It is
never wrapped, and In push-carts
made of slats or in great open work
baskets It Is heaped less carefully
than wood or coal Indeed, because
bread is easier to buy than wood or
coal in Paris. The carts or baskets
are pushed or carried by women wear
ing stout blue aprons covering them
from neck to knee, which aprons, like
the sheets on a French bed, are chang
ed perhaps as often as once a month.
Arrived at a house where bread is to
be delivered, the open cart, or basket
stacked with the staff of life is left in
the road for the femmes de chambre
all around to merrily shake down
upon it anything that will, while the
woman mounts to one's apartmeata
carrying the day's ration of petlts
pains bundled up in her apron, and
the two long: thin loaves of hread,
unwrapped, of course, one under each
1L: m . -.
m. wuwmm ot. uw uvai v.
Bse, he has written a
cirealar apology, hi which, after con
feastag the oaTenae he has given his
lovely aedtteca, he declares he wishes
osdy to
7.
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"Demosthenes," remarked the stu
dent of ancient history, "used to 111
his mouth with pebbles to improve his
oratory."
"At the present writing," said the
observer of modern events, "a lot of
men become garrulous after filling
their mouths with rock and rye."
A Broad Assertion.
1 wear no man's collar!
he ex-
claimed with vehemence.
Which. is a statement that the patron
of the average laundry cannot reason
ably make until he has examined the
mark to see whether there have beea
any exchanges. New Orleans Times
Democrat TOO
First Bather Isn't the water calm to -
Second Bather Horribly so. There's
strong manly arm in the surf to-day.
Bueineas Woman.
Pretty Girl Are you Miss Backbay's
waiting maid?
Maid Yes'm.
"Miss Backbay is a great heiress
from Boston, isn't she?"
"She Is."
"And very much sought after?"
"Well, yea."
"I presume so. Well, if you will
give me the addresses of her gentle
men admirers I will he very much
obliged."
"Dear me! What for?"
"I am selling encyclopedias." New
York Weekly.
A Better Job.
"Do yon take me for a natural horn
fool?" exclaimed the testy and fussy
passenger, who had quarreled with
every one In reach, to the mild pas
senger In the seat ahead.
I did; yes," replied the mild pas
senger. "Well, 111 bet you know I ain't!"
cried the fussy passenger.
"Then I congratulate you," said the
mild passenger, "for if you did the Job
yourself you've got nature beat to a
standstill! "Brownlng'sMagazlne.
Thoughtful Husband.
"You asked me to bring you some
pin money this morning, my dear,"
said the young husband.
"Yes," she replied, with an air of
expectancy.
"Well," he continued, "I thought I
might as well save you a trip, so I
brought you a paper of pins instead."
Only a Few Months.
He After I am out of college, dar
ling. I may have to wait a few months
before I can make enough to support
you.
She It Is so hard to wait
He (bravely) I know It But ot
course, you know the world does not
know anything about me yet
Not Patented.
"Your mother-in-law never pays you
a long visit"
"No, she never did but once, and
that was right after I was married."
"Put me on to how you worked it,"
the first man requested, earnestly.
"I had my mother come on a visit
at the same time."
Mean of Her.
Being thorough society girls, Helen
and Eva were playing bridge whist
for money. .
"Jack says I'm a Dresden doll," said
Helen.
"Doubtless he is right" retorted
Eva. "Yon are good to play with and
easily broke."
Alarmed.
Ernie Yes, he plays the violin for
her benefit every evening. He says
that music Is the food of love.
Eva And does that impress her fa
vorably? Ernie No. She is afraid he will
think it is the food of married life.
Influence vs. Affluence.
"How d'd Scadds manage to secure
the nomination?" asked the inquisi
tive party. "I understand he had no
political Influence."
"True," replied the man who knows,
"but he is simply rolling in affluence."
In a Dry Town.
First Drummer Are you a Prohi
bitionist? -
Second Drummer Well, I should
smile.
First Drummer All right come on;
I know where to find a place.
Very Likely.
"It is said," remarked the man with
the quotation habit "that a king can
do no wrong."
"That saying," rejoined the wise
guy, "probably originated with a man
who held four aces."
Power of Wealth.
La Montt Goldwood Is very sick.
La Moyne Is he rich enough to
have a doctor's consultation?
La Montt Rich? Why, he Is rich
enough to have bulletins issued.
Persevering.
"And if you refuse me," hissed
Percy Vere, "I will follow yon to the
ends of the earth."
"Gracious!" replied the beautiful
girt. "Are yon a book agent or insar-
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i's a great favorite with
every girl here.
Blanche Indeed! Why?
she's so
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Hia Bey Knew a Whole Let
"How's my boy getting on?" asked
the farmer of the city merchant
"Oh, he's all right Does just what
he's told, hut seems to lack judgment
of his own."
"Well," replied the farmer. - "he
knows a whole lot if he could only
think of it"
Brave to Rashness.
"Oh, George," sighed the romantic
girl, "I wish you were like the old time
knights; I wish you'd something brave
to show your love for me."
Gracious!" cried her fiance,
haven't I agreed to marry you, and me
only getting S20 a week?" Philadel
phia Press.
BAD.
day?
no excuse for the protection of
Positively Brutal.
Husband I actually believe, my
dear, that you think more of your
poodle than you do of me.
Wife I'd like to know what reason
you have for thinking so?
Husband Well, you never allow
him to eat anything you cook.
High Living.
Mrs. Uppson I received a letter
from my niece in Boston this morn
ing. She says she has meningitis.
Mrs. Oldham No wonder that girl's
always ailin' when she eats such fool
stuff as that. Corn beef and cabbage
is good enough for me.
It All Depends.
"But you must admit, sir," said the
aggressive party, "that a man ought to
be the boss in his own house."
"Y-yes, I suppose so," answered the
meek and lowly man with the absent
hair, "but the house I live in belongs
to my wife."
Sly Uncle Si.
Circus Barker Here you are,
sir.
Fifty cents for the big show.
Uncle Si Say, mister, I'll give ye
a dollar if ye'H let me craw under
the tent I bet old Dad Foghorn I
was young enough to do that trick
again.
Her Reasons for Doubt
"Do you think he loves you?" said
Maude.
"I dont know," answered Mamie.
"He writes to you every day?"
"Yes. But his letters sound sus
piciously sane and sensible."
iiiAiii. ( - - M - Li
FLOORED.
1, IBB
S. S. Teacher We should never do
Little Mary How about taking a
Signs of the Times.
Younger sister (peeping through
keyhole) Mr. Spoonamore is going to
propose to Bertha to-night
Johnny How do you know?
Younger sister I can tell by the de
termined look on Bertha's face.
A Doubtful Compliment
He You are just as sweet as you
can be.
She I don't think that much of a
compliment. You see, it all depends
upon how sweet you suppose I am
capable of being. Town Topics.
Resourceful Artist.
The Veteran Say. Mr. Artist, how
are you goin' to fix up that old wooden
leg of mine to make It look good in
the picture?
The Artist Oh, that's all right; 111
give it a hardwood finish.
An Old-Fashioned Affair.
Aunt Why, what's the matter, Ef
fie. Why do you go on so?
Effle Ob, papa has been and
bought me a doll without any of the
modern improvements.
Coolly Considerate.
"Would you marry a man because
he was rich?" asked the romantic
girl.
"No," answered Miss Cayenne, "but
I might refuse to marry one because
he wasn't"
Suspicious.
Ernie And do you believe every
thing he aays?
Era How can I? He works in a
shoe store and guarantees patent
leathers.
'""HrlJ M nVM
oeath m a said thing." said the
stranger to the man who stood weep
lag beside a grave.
"It is Indeed." sobbed the other.
t "I suppose," remarked the strange)
"you are sorrowing over the grave of a.
very dear friend."
"I am sorrowing over the grave ot
a man I never knew." replied the
mourner, "yet I deeply regret his
demise. He was my wife's first hus
band." Her Point of view.
Hc Miss Longleigh's dresses al
ways look so neat: don't you think
so?
' She-T-Yes; for one who has so little
to dress on.
He Why. I thought she was quite
wealthy.
She So she Is but she's so awful
ly thin.
Of More Importance.
"Excuse me. madam," said the book
canvasser as a spinster who was be
ginning to carry weight for age opened
the front door, "but are you interested
In the study of prehistoric man?"
"I should say not," replied the giddy
old girl. "I ant too busy trying to get
a man of to-day interested in me."
Point of View.
"Isn't it awful," said Mrs. Goodwin,
"to realize that all our sins and short
comings will be revealed on the judg
ment day?"
"Yes." rejoined Mrs. Gabbles, "but
there is some satisfaction in know
ing that we will find out a lot of mean
things about other people."
Somewhat Different.
Daughter He says he loves me
more than life and cannot live without
me.
Father Oh, that's what they all
say.
Daughter But he is the only one
who has proved his sincerity by lying
to me.
Conceited Fellow.
She You men don't seem to realize
that a girl can't imagine anything
worse than to have a young man kiss
her against her will.
He No? I should think it would
feel worse to have us refuse to kiss
you when you're willing.
A Scientific Diagnosis.
College Senior So you think Tom
will propose?
College Junior Yes; last night his
pulse was 70 temperature 95; this
afternoon his pulse was 90 tempera
ture 105; I think the crisis will occur
by to-night Puck.
Poor Sample.
Domestic "Where shall I take this
prescription, mum?"
Mrs. Sharpeye "Anywhere, except
to Pillbox & Co.'s. There goods aro
not fresh. I bought a postage stamp
of them yesterday and it was last
year's issue."
Not Negotiable.
"Isn't this climate changeable?" ask
ed the newcomer.
"No." answered the old inhabitant
rather brusquely. "It ain't changea
ble. If it was, don't you s'pose we'd
have traded it off for something vise
long ago?"
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in private what we would not do in public.
bath?
Then He Got It.
"Prisoner," said the verbose judge,
"the law gives you a long sentence "
"All right. jude." said the tired
prisoner, "I'm willing to take any
sentence the law gives me, but give
me as few of your own as you can."
Tip for a Waiter.
DeBorem I say. Bobby, did you tell
your sister that I was waiting here?
Bobby Sure I did.
DeBorem And what did she say?
Bobby She said you ought to get
a job like that in a restaurant
Wait Until She Gets OWor.
Mamma You shouldn't be so Tain
Elsie. You are always looking Into
the mirror.
Elsie (aged 4) I'm not vain, mam
ma. I don't think I'm half as good
looking as 1 really am.
Up to the Bride.
"If you ever marry," said Wedderlv
to his friend Singleton, "will you eo
abroad on your wedding tour"
"I certainly will if My brWe
ford it," answered Singleton.
A SoneKive Conscience.
Carrie Goodness. It's that horrM
old bore. Wllklas. Tell him Ihave
gone out
Belle No, I wont ten a story but
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back yet yet
ST"-
Singleton Do yon believe that mar
riage Is a failure?
Wedderly-No; merely an assign
ment in which the wife i. a referred
creditor.
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