Nebraska Newspapers

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VOLUME XXVIII.-NUMBER 18.
COLUMBUS, NEBRASKA. WEDNESDAY. AUGUST 11, 1897.
WHOLE NUMBER 1,422.
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A WRESTLING MATCH.
HE village had
awakened from its
Jong winter's sleep.
It had shaken off
its lethargy and
stepped forth into
the light and sun
Ehine to take up
again life in the
free air u ntil
the months should
speed around
winds and the
back to a close
and the harsh
emws drive it
kitchen and a stifling stove. The an
tiquated saw-mill down by the creek
buzzed away with a vim that plainly
told that the stream was swollen with
the me' ted snows of the winter just
jiasL The big grist-mill humped and
thumped in deep, melodious tones, as
though it were making an effort to
drown the rasping, discordant music
of its small but noisy neighbor.
The double doors of the store were
wide open. Had all the other signs
of spring been missing, this fact alone
would have indicated to the know
ing, if the snow had not melted and
the birds not come come back it was
high time they did. for those doors
never stood open until the patriarch
felt it In his bones that the winter
was gone and he could with safety
leave the side of the stove within and
migrate to the long wooden bench on
the porch to bask in the sunshine.
"Hoys," he raid at length, "it's
' time we're gittin' out ag'in. Spring
has come."
With that he hobbled toward the
door.
"Good. C.ran'pap." said the Chronic
loafer, rolling off the counter and fol
lowing. Then the oM Storekeeper opened
both doors.
The old oak bench that had stood
neglected through the long winter, ex
rosed to Mnd and warping rain, gave
a joyous creak as it felt again on its
broad and kinfo-hacked back the
weight of the Patriarch and his
friends, and kicked up its one short
hickory leg with such vehemence as
to rause the Storekeeper to throw out
his hands as though the world had
dropped from under him and he was
ras iug at a cloud for support.
"Mighty .souls!" he cried when he
liad recovered his composure and equi
librium. "My. oh. my!" murmured the old
ir.an. his child-like face beaming with
ccntcntnwnt as he sat basking in the
sun. "Hi. n't the old bench feel good
ag'in. Me an" this oak board has ben
buddies fer nigh outer sixty year."
The season seemed to have infused
r.cw life into the Chronic Iafer as
it had into all nature, for he sudden
ly tossed off his coat, with one leap
cleared the s-cps, and then bsgaii
dnrcing up and down in the roan.
"It j'st makes a fel'.er feel liks wras
tlin", Oran-pap." he shouted, waving
his arms dulhiatly at the quartet on
Ihe bench. "Conic on."
At this indisposition of these four
to tak tip the gauntlet h had thrown
down, the Ixiafcr became still more
l.rave and defiant.
"'Hedgim-!" he sneered. "You uns
is afraid, eh?"
"N'awthin' to be afraid of," snap
ped the Miller. "Simply because
v.. A
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"HE WENT FLYINV
?lrinc s conic ez it's ben comin' ever
since I kin remember. I hain't a-goin'
te waller "round in a muddy road."
"N":ir I. nuther," growled the Shoe
niakei. "Well. I bantered yer. an' you uns's
all skcert ter westle. dead skeert."
cried the Loafer, drawing on his coat
nnd grinning triumph through his
bushy whiskers.
"Come, come." said the Patriarch,
boating hi stick on the floor to call
the boaster to order. Ef I was five
yir.s younger I'd take your banter;
I'd tlruv your head inter the mud tell
yvu'd be afearcd of showin" up at the
siorc Tei a year fer fear some un'd
fhovel yer inter the road. Thet's
what 11 do. I hates blowin, I do I
hate blowin. Fur be it from me ter
blow, particular as I was somethin' of
a wrestler when I was a young un."
"I bet 1 could a' th'owed you in
less time 'an It takes me ter set down,"
. the Loafer said, as he seated himself
en the steps and got out his pipe.
"Th'owed me, eh!" retorted the
old man. "You'd a th'owed me. would
ynu. Well, I'd a' liked to hev seen
. yoa a xh'owin' me." He shook his
stick at the braggart. "Why, didn't
"vm know thet 'hen I was young I
was the best wrastler in the valley;
d'da't ycu ever hear of the great
- wrastlin me and Simon Cruller done
up to Swamp Holler schoolhouse!"
"Did Near act as empire?" asked the
Loafer.
"What doe.? you mean be talkin of
Near an' sech like when I'm tellin of
; -vsrastJin'? Tryin" to change the sub-
jc-c'. I s'pese. eh?" cried the Patriarch
"Me an' Sime Cruller was buddies."
" he began at length. "Thet was tell
we lo:h kind of set our minds on get
tin' Beky Stump. You uns never seen
her. eh? Well, mebbe you never seen
her grave-stun. It stands be the al
dcrberry bushes in the buryin'-groun.
an' ef you hain't seen it yer otter, fer
then ye might get an idee what sorter
a woman she was. Pretty? Why,
she "was a model, she was a perfect
nicdel. Hair! You uns don't often
Fee sich hair nowadays ez Becky
Stump hed ?oft and black like.
Eyes! Why, they sparkled jest like
they was filled with new buggy paint,
an' was all watery like. An, mighty
souls, but she could plough! fer she
wasn't none of your modern girls as
Is too rroud to plough. Many a Jay
I set over on the porch at our place an
looked down across the walley ma
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&sjv... ,'iKj;. WiaA M
seen her a-steppin along th'oo the
fiel'. an' I thot how I'd like ter heT
one han'le while she'd hev the other,
an we'd go trampin along life's fur
row tpethei.
"The whole thing came to a p'int at
a spellin' bee up to Swampy Holler
school," continued the Patriarch, un
mindful cf the interruption. "Becky
Stump was there an' looked onusual
pretty, fer it was cold outside an the
wind had made her face all red on
the drive over from home. Sime was
there, too, togged out in store clothes.
"It didn't take me five minutes to
see thet Sim-j Cruller was tryin' to
show off afore Becky Stump; was try
ing to prove to her that he was a
smarter lad than me.
"When intermission come Sime he
gits off in one corner an' begins blow
In to a lot of the boys. I heard him
talkin loud about me, so I steps over.
Ho sayd it wrs all a mistake; that he
could beat me at anything spellin.
wrastlin,or fi.shln He was showin
off agin, for he talked loud like Becky
Stump could hear, an' I makes up me
mind I wouldn't stand his blowin'.
" 'Sec here, Sime Cruller,' I sais, sai3
I, 'you uns is nawthin' but a blow
horn, I sals. 'You claims you kin
wrastle. Why. I kin th'ow you in less
time an It takes to tell it, an if you
step out-side I'll prove me words.'
" 'You th'ow me!' he sais. Then he
begin to laugh like he'd die at the
worry idee.
"With that we went outside, foller
ed by the rest of the boys. They was
a quarter moon overhead, an' the girls
put two candles !n the schoolhouse
winder, so with the snow we could see
pretty well.
"At it we went. Boys, you otter 'a
ben there! You otter 'a seen it!
That was wrastlin'! When Sime an'
me clinched I ketched him 'roun' the
waist with me right arm an' glt3
hold of the strap of his right boot
with the forefinger of mc left hand.
He gits his left arm aroun my neck
an' down my back somehow, an with
his right hand tears the buttons off
me coat an' grabs me In the arm
hole cf me waist-coat Over we goes,
like two dogs, snarlin' an snappin'.
while the boys in a ring aroun' us
cheered an' the girls crowdin the
schoolhouse porch trembled an'
screamed with fright. We twisted, wc
turned, we rolled over an over tell
we looked like livin' snowballs. Sime
got off the hoot I'd a holt, on, an'
gives mc a sudden turn thet almost
tent mc on me back. But I was quiek.
Mighty souls, but I was quick! I ups
with mc foot an landed me heel right
on his chist an' he went flyin ten
feet inter a snow bank. kerylji me
coat-slcee with him. He was lookin'
up at tin- moon when I run up to him,
an' I'd 'a' lied him down, but he turn
ed over
"But I was quick. Mighty souls, but
I was quick! I kep me. feet an' gits
one nan' inter his waistcoat pocket an'
hung to him. Whenever you wrastles
git your man by the bootstrap or the
pocket, an' you has the best they is.
Ef I hedn't 'a done thet, I might not
'a' ben here today. But I done it, an
fer a full hour me an' Sime Cruller
rolled roun', even matched. Time
an' agin I got sight of Becky Stump
standin" on the porch, her hands
gripped together, her face pale, her
eyes almost poppin' outen her head,
she was watchin us so hard, an the
wery sight of her urged me on to in
human efforts. It seemed to have the
same effect on Sime. The blood be
gin to run outen both me nose-holes
an' yit I kep' at it. Me heart beat so
hard it made me buttons rattle. Still
I kep' at it. Sime was so hot it was
fer me jest like wrastlin' with a stove,
an' still we kep' at it. Then all of a
sudden it was two hours after hed
fust clinched everything seemed to
.swim I couldn't feel no earth beneath
I only know'd that I was still hold
in' on to Sime then 1 know'd naw
thin. "When I came to I was layin' be tho
.-cheolhouse stove, an' Becky Stump
was leaning over mc rubbin' a snow
ball acrosst mc forehead. The other
folks was standin back like, fer they
seemed to think thet after sich an ex
hibition it was settled an' they didn't
want to disturb us.
"'Becky,' I whispers, 'did I win?'
'"You did,' she sais. "You both
fainted ct oncet, but you fainted on
top.'
" 'An' now. I s'pose you'll hev me,'
I sais. fer it seemed like there was
somethin in her eyes thet kinder
urged me on.
"She was quiet a pice, an" then she
leans down an" answers: 'Do you think
I wants to marry a ficn? No, sir, I'll
merry no man I can't lick.' "
"Well?" cried the Loafer.
"Well?" retorted the old man.
"Did she ever merry?"
The Patriarch shook his head.
"Go look at the grave stun." he
said, "an on it you'll see wrote: ' 'Ere
lies Becky Stump. Her peaceful soul's
at rest.'"
A Story of John Ilright.
The Lord Primate of Ireland writes:
I was told by a friend of the great
orator Bright a name never to be
mentioned without respect that one
day he was speaking with an old friend
of his school career. He had been at
two schools, in one of which he had
learned a great deal that was useful
and necessary for his position in life,
and in the other he had been taught
to love reading, and had been brought
in contact with Milton's book, and
this friend say, "Ycu seem to think
far more of the second school than of
the first, and I know you learned z
great deal that was useful in the one,
and I should think not nearly so much
in the other. "But," said Bright, "you
don't know anything about it. In the
first school I learned what helped me
no doubt in my business, but in the
other I was brought into contact with
the eternal .spirit of liberty, and that
was the thing that made me whatever
I have been in life."
Canine Calisthenics.
Miss Primrose Don't you ever give
your dog any exercise? Miss Holly
hock (fondling a fat pug dog) Why,
certainly. I feed him candy every few
minutes, just to make him wag his taiL
Food for Reflection.
Rev. Mr. Longlipp (anxiously) How
did yen like my substitute's sermon
last Sunday, Beacon? Deacon Blunt
Ielgh It was a treat
PLAYS FOR WOMEN.
NONE BUT. FAIR SEX WILL
HAVE CONTROL.
Man Manager "a Slave" lie ll.ta Suc
ceeded In Keeping Five Women Di
rectors In Good Temper Mrs. Loevy
On the l'lan. S
HE first and the
only woman's the
ater of which the
world has ever
known is being
constructed in
Paris. The place of
the site is adjoin
ing the ladies' club
lmnirn as tho O.PT
Q) cle Pigalle, near
m M o n tmartre. In
France it will be tho "Theatre Femi
niEte.". which means a theater for
women, by women and in the interests
of women only. There is only one
weak spot in this armor of femininity,
and that is the fact that the manager
is to be a man, but the ladies who are
the soul of the enterprise say he will
not count, as, like the rest of his sex,
he will merely be their slave.
Au serieux, though, it is to be a
genuine place for women. The White
theater, where only plays of absolute
purity were to be tolerated, was the
first entrance of woman into the man
ogerial capacity. This victory gave
such confidence to the women that they
were determined to star their own
Ideas exclusively, and the result is the
Theatre Feministe. The establishment
is not to be limited. No pent up
France will confine its powers, and the
ladies of every country will be at lib
erty to air their grievances, assert
their privileges and defend their inter
ests through the medium of the drama
or the opera.
For a long time the question of man
agement was discussed pro and con by
the members of the club which had
the project in hand. Opinion was di
vided, not as to the ability of woman to
take entire charge of every detail, but
as to whether it would not be wise to
have some man to do the drudgery and
let the honor and glory be the lot of
the women. Finally. It was decided
that if a man could be found who
would face the prospect he should be
engaged on the spot As the French
man is fond of excitement and loves to
brave adventure, the necessary male
was easily discovered and has already
become the Adam in this otherwise
Adamless Eden.
It is provided in the agreement that
he shall receive instructions from the
executive committee of the board of
directors, which is composed of five
women. Thus far he has accomplished
the unparalleled feat of pleasing all
five, and is very popular. The circul
ars or advance announcements of the
theater and its purposes do not bear
the name of the manager, but state
Uiat the theater is under the sole con
trol of the board of directors, composed
entirely of women. They further state
that only plays treating of woman's
rights will be presented, unless some
especially good play by a woman re
ceives the indorsement of the commit
tee. Another committee of directors
bears the title of Committee on Plays.
Its duty is to pass on all plays which
are presented to it, sift the wheat from
the chaff, and then submit its selection
to the full board of directors for ap
proval. Erc'i play is to be read
through to the board, and then, to in
sure acceptance, the authoress, or pos
sibly the autho., must incorporate all
suggestions of the board. The unkind
men who have heard of this project
say that he who runs and reads may
attend one performance, but that he
who reads will run after seeing a sec
ond announcement thereof.
Aside from the manager, the only
condition under which men can hope
to obtain a little scrap of the success
which this theater, acording to its
projectors, is sure to attain is to write
plays or musical compositions which
will bear on the subject of woman's
rights. The authors of these efforts
may come from any part of the world
they wish to, and their nationality will
be considered no bar. The ladies say
that the men will be criticised in tlut
same spirit of fairness in which
woman always considers her own sex.
and therefore they may be sure oi ab
solute justice.
Mme. Loevy, who will direct the for
eign department of the new theater,
is very decided in her statements as
to the purpose and probable result of
the enterprise. Heretofore, she says,
the fact that a play was written by a
woman has been sufficient in most in
stances to insure its failure. The only
instances where this has not been the
C3se have occurred in the United
States. Now this sort of thing is to
end. Women are to have the preced
ence in at least one theater, and the
men will have to take second place,
if they are sufficiently fortunate to
secure any place at all.
Hack of Scratch.
Prince Constantine What are they
doing over fn America today? The
Aide It is Memorial Day, Your High
ness, and they are having bicycle races.
Prince Constantine I should like to
join 'em. The Aide I'm afraid, sire,
that with your record for getting over
the ground, thy would insist upon put
ting you back of scratch. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
A Strange Sensation.
First Chorus Girl I do feel so queer
in these short skirts. Second Chorus
Girl I know; we all feel that way at
the start, but you will get used to it
First Chorus Girl Maybe I will. You
know it is the first time I ever appear
ed in such a rig. I have been doing
living pictures all season. Indianap
olis Journal.
The Responsibility.
Bass Was that baby talk your wife
was talking as I cime in? Fogg
That was mother talk; no baby I ever
saw indulged in such gibberia!. Bos
Ion Transcript
Cnres Gnaranteed.
The Bride I always heard thst leve
was blind. The Brute But marriage
Is an excellent oculist
HIS WEDDING FEE.
After the Transaction XVn Fally Er
plained Mnrla Was Satlsflrd.
The wife of & well-to-do Vermont far
met called the attention of her husband
to a newspaper article describing a
wedding, where the groom tad com
pensated tho minister for his services
in farm produce, says Youth's Compan
ion. "How ridiculous! " commented the
good lady.
Her husband smiled. "It isn't the
ordinary thing," he remarked,"but then
people who live in glass houses musn't
throw stones."
"What do you mean, Joaas Farmer?"
asked his wife, sharply.
"Well," returned Jonas, "when I
married you I paid the minister two
pigs and he gave me 35 cents change."
And with that Mr. Farmer burst into
a laugh, to the great discomfort of his
wife.
"I've lived with you thirty years and
I never heard that before," she said,
"and I should like to know what you
mean by it. I believe you're saying
that just to hector me."
"No, M'ri," answered her spouse when
his mirth had somewhat subsided. "I'll
you how it happened."
"You know I had been running the
farm for father before we were mar
ried, and Parson Steadman, who mar
ried us, had just come to town. He
wanted a couple of pigs and came over
to our place to get them. I had gone,
but the hired man sold them to him by
weight and they amounted to just
$10.35.
"Parson Steadman told the man that
he hadn't the money by him, but would
be over again in a few days and would
settle, and the hired man told him that
would be all right.
"Well, when we were married I gave
the parson a brand new $10 bill, one
that I had got clean from the bank for
that purpose.
"Next morning bright and early over
came the parson to our place. He
asked the hired man if I was at home,
and when I came out he was pretty
much surprised to see that I was the
same man that he had married the
night before. He turned kind of red
and looked a little queer and said ho
had come over to settle for those two
pigs, and he took from his pocket that
very ?10 bill that I gave him the night
before and 35 cents besides and banded
them to me.
"I burst out laughing and he looked
kind of sober for a minute, then he
burst out laughing, too.
" 'If I had recognized you as the man
I owed for the pigs when you were at
my house last night,' he said, 'I could
have handed you the 35 cents and we
should have been square."
"So, you see, M'ri, that while we
went through the form of passing the
money back and forth you were prac
tically bought for two pigs, minus 35
cents."
Too Sudden.
"Now," said the editor, "we can't
use any more matter. Don't take a
scrap of news unless " "Yes," ans
wered the managing editor. "Unless
it is news of a scrap. That is to say
" However, it was too late to in
sist upon his good intentions, as the
humorist editor had already fainted.
New York Press.
Merely as a Precaution.
"I like to go to the parks occasion
ally," he said, "and I learned to ride
the bicycle merely as a matter of pre
caution." "Precaution:" "Certain';.
It was the only way to keep from be
ing run down." Exchange.
A ltrllllunt Solution.
Chapleigh What's the good of put
ting a steeple on a church? Dudlcigh
Where else would you put 'cm, dear
boy? Chapleigh That's a fact! Nev
er thought of that!
Tangled I'edlgrres.
Crawford Did you hear what drova
him insane? Crabshaw He went to
Chicago and tried to compile a social
register.
AS TRUE AS GOSPEL.
Women desire sympathy, men pre
fer help.
Never take a crooked path while you
can find a straight one.
Idleness is only the refuge of weak
minds and the holiday of fools.
Self-reliance, self-restraint, self-dis
cipline constitute an educated will.
The soul and spirit that animates
and keeps up society is mutual trust.
Hope is the word which the finger
of God hath inscribed upon the brow
of every man.
Cheerfulness is an excellent wear
ing quality. It has been called the
bright weather of the heart
The man who howls at the passing
of the hat in church will pay a big
hotel bill with a smile on his face.
The man who, improving in skill and
knowledge, improves in modesty, has
an undeniable claim to greatness of
mind.
When we strive to do the best we
can we are sure to find that bur best
is beyond anything that we had dared
to hope for.
Parental restraint, if it Is wise, will
he exerted only with the view of ren
dering the child as soon as possible
independent of it.
The respect people show you in your
misfortune diminishes long before you
have begun to outlive it, and you feel
irritated as before.
If you have made a mistake, do not
think it a condescension to apologize.
The true gentleman is always rcacy
to rectify a blunder.
Weigh your own faults with the
scales of justice, but when you consider
the short-comings of your neighbor,
borrow the bilarces of charity.
Write it on your heart that every
day is the best in the year. No man
has learned anything rightly until he
knows that every day is Doomsday.
To give a suggestion, or even serious
advice, to another may be kind and
wise; but to press either beyond cer
tain limits is both rude and impolitic.
A companion that is cheerful, and
free from swearing or scurrilous dis
course, is worth gold. 'Tis the com
pany and not the charge that makes
the feast.
The truest help we can render an
afflicted man is not take his burden
from him, but to call out his best
energy, that he may be able to be.ir
the burden.
VASTKESS OP SPACRlJKE JTSJZ " 2?5St
FIGURES WHICH MIND CAN
f. HARDLY REALIZE.
A nilTSon as a Measure of Time Tho
r
Jae. at Which Light Travels The
Imnieasitjr of the Sun Counting a
UlUloa,
i
F course, one cn
get a grand idea
of the mightiness
of the Creator of
the earth and the
heaveas by view
ing His works and
thinking of the
vastness of the
great dome above
us, but the simple
human mind falls
jf
to grasp the extent of the mighty
v
grandeur, .showRan the authentic
Statements of the astronomer. The
fret is, the figures are beyond compre
hension of the ordinary intellect when
set down in rows that bewilder. We
ere told that the first three figures are
units, tens and hundreds, the next
three thousands, the next millions and
the next trillions. The figures look in
nocent enough and we can smile at
hundreds of dollars and think with
pleasurable feelings of thousands,
which melt into millions, but the brow
clouds with care when we endeavor
to get a comprehensive idea of that
wonderfully overwhelming quantity
set down as a billion. Now, what is
instantaneous action? The mind is
ii. capable of comprehending the al
most infinitesimal divisions of time
that are recorded upon some of the
wonderful machines used by scientific
searchers after the truth. Light trav
els at the rate of two hundred thousand
miles a second, and is, therefore, in
stantaneous. The astronomers tell us
that when a flash of lightning occurs
upon our earth it is not visible on the
mcon until a second and a quarter af
terwards, nor en the sun's surface un
til eight minutes, or on Uranus for
two hours, and upon Neptune until
four and a quarter hours after its
rassnge through the ether. Xo.v
away, far, far away, beyond Neptune,
there are such stars as Vega, of the
first magnitude, and on them the im
aginary light of the flash would not
fall, although traveling at the amazing
rate of twelve million miles a minute,
till forty-five years had passed, but
further, much further on in tho never
ending space above us, there are still
more distant worlds, sparkling like
diamonds on blue velvet, and those of
the eighth magnitude would require
one bundled and eighty years, and
those of the twelfth magnitude four
thousand years, for the same flash to
reach them, rushing through space
nearly two hundred thousand miles
each time that a watch makes a single
tick.
A shadowy sense of eternity and in
finite distance can be formed from a
contemplation of the distances of the
stars from the earth. The moon is two
hundred and forty thousand miles dis
tant, but the sun is ninety-three mil
lion two hundred and fifty thousand
miles from cur planet. The immen
sity cf the sun seems almost too much
for the human mind to comprehend,
for it is more than a million and a
quarter times larger than this great
earth on which we live. Sir John Hcr
schel remarks that if the whole of the
earth were laid upon the surface of the
sun it would not cover more than onc-thirteenth-thousandth
part of its sur
face, and so great is its heat that from
every square yard of its surface there
is exhaled a temperature equal to that
which the burning of sixteen tons of
coal every hour would produce suffi
cient to keep a steam engine of sixty
three thousand horse-power at work.
Still, the sun is but a star of the fourth
magnitude. Everybody Is familiar
with "the dog star," Sirius. the nearest
fixed star to earth, a sun of suns. This
star is upwards of thirteen millions of
miles from this earth. So much great
er is it than our mighty sun that if
broken to pieces it would provide ma
terial for about two hundred and fifty
st-ns as large ar. our own. although our
sun, if broken into pieces, would pro
vide material for one million, four
hundred thousand globes of the size of
the earth. We hear the astronomer.-;
talk of billions of miles and years and
other things, but few people can form
a conception of the quantity comprised
In a billion. The mind is incapable of
conceiving such an enormous number.
In order to comprehend this fact. It
may be stated that, in order that a
person may count a billion, he would
require nineteen thousand, three hun
dred and twenty-five years and three
hundred and nineteen days. The arith
metical symbol of a billion is simple
and without great pretention. Let us
consider a billion as a measure of time
and distarce.
It is no easy matter to bring under
the cognizance of the human eye a
billion of any kind of objects. Take
a ten-dollar gold piece as a once famil
iar object Put one in the ground and
stand upon it as many of its kind as
will reach twenty feet in height, then
place the numbers of similar-columns
in close contact, forming a straight
line and making a sort of wall twenty
feet high, showing only the thin edge3
of tbe coin as they lie flat upon each
other. Imagine two such walls, run
ning parallel to each other and form
ing, as it were, a long street. Keep
on extending these walls for miles
hundreds of miles and still the jsccu
mulation will be' far short of the num
ber wo want to reach. In fact, it is
not ur.til this imaginary street is ex
tended to a distance of two thousand
three hundred and eighty-six and a
half rriles that we shall hae presented
for irspection the one billion coins.
To get an idea of height in reference
to a billion take a much smaller unit
as a neasuring rod the sheets of pa
per on which this newspaper is print
ed, rile them vert'cally upwards, by
degrees, reaching to the height of our
tallest spire. Passing these, the pile
must still grow higher, topping the
Alps and Andes and the highest peaks
of the Himalayas, and shooting up
from thence through the fleecy clouds,
pasng beyond the confines of pur
atteitaatrd atmosphere, and leaping up
Into the blue ether with which the uni
verse is filled, and standing proudly
up, far beyond the reach of all terres-
Mawa0 v. .! .w.t w
only a beginning of the rearing of a
mighty mass. Add millions on millions
of sheets, and thousands of miles On
these, and still the number will fall
short of the amount. Pause to look
at the next cloud edgeg of the book.
The thin plates of paper He close to
gether. The altitude of (his great pile
of paper, representing one billion of
sheets, is 47,348 milc3.
SAID OF NAPOLEON III.
M. Saint-Amand, the eminent French
historian, gives the following summing
up of the character and achievements
of Napoleon III, which conveys a close
estimate of that remarkable man:
"Whatever judgment posterity may
pass upon the second emperor, it is an
incontcstiblo fact that for nearly 22
years he was the most conspicuous per
sonage in all the world. No figure in
the latter half of the nineteenth cen
tury has so obtruded itself into his'
tory.
One of the most singular characters
that has ever been examined Is certain
ly that of the victor of Solferlno. the
vanquished of Sedan; more cosmopoli
tan than French, at once a dreamer
and a man of action, by turns and even
sometimes simultaneously democrat
and autocrat, tormented now by tli6
prejudices of the past, and now by new
ideas, the representative of Caesarism
and at the end of his reign the cham
pion for popular liberties, taking for
counsellors men thoroughly antipodal
their antecedents and their doc
trines, looking like a sphinx and not
always able to guess his own riddle,
active beneath an indolent appearance,
impassioned despite an Imperturbable
indifference, energetic yet with an air
of extreme moderation, loving human
ity while contemning it, kind to the
humble and compassionate to the poor,
very seriously occupied with the idea
of bettering the material and spiritual
condition of the majority, victim of the
faults of others still more than of bis
own, and better than his destiny.
The republic will always reproach
the second emperor with having made
the coup d'etat and Interfered with lib
erty. The frightful disasters which
concluded his reign cannot be forgot
ten. A grudge is borne him for not
remaining true to his Hordeaux pro
gram "The empire is peace" a truly
fecund program which would have per
mitted him to realize his dream of ex
tinguishing pauperism.
But on the other hand people remem
ber that he took part in every great
affair in all quartern of the globe, that
ho broached all problems, raised all
questions, that his eagles soared victo
rious from Pckin to Mexico, that he
strengthened universal suffrage, pro
claimed the principle of national so.--ereignty
and the principle of national
ities, realized in Italy, perhaps,
alas! to the detriment of France the
dream of Dante and of Machivelli,
emancipated the petty nations of the
Balkan peninsula, inaugurated the sys
tem of commercial liberty, sought ev
ery means which might bring together
and unite peoples, and borrowed more
than one useful reform from social
ism. It is remembered in fine that he de
clared nations should bo the arbiters
of their own destinies, and that he
tried to substitute for the ancient sys
tem of conquests the maxim, 'Right bc
for night.' The ideas of this mod
ern and revolutionary sovereign, this
foro might' The Ideas of this mod
archy and the republic, were developed
in an imperfect manner only, and for
tune, whose favorite he had been so
long, ended by being pitiless in his re
gard. But his work, though inter
rupted, had a certain grandeur. Oth
ers will perhaps accomplish what he
vainly dreamed, and democracy may
somo day do that wherein a-Caesar
failed."
t'lopnl on Foot.
An elopement on foot is a novelty
In these days, yet this was the method
taken by Pearl Thomas and Millie
Johnson, of Morris, Tioga county. Pa.,
who were arrested by a constable dis
guised as a trout fisherman. Thomas
and the girl (who is but 1.1 years old)
eloped from Morris, and, taking s
mountain road, walked to Montours
ville, a distance "of forty miles.
A Harrowing Wit.
"I say, marm, won't you give mc one
of dera famous pies o' yonrn? I ain't
had a square meal fer a mouth." "Do
you think you could make a square
meal out of one of my pics?'' "Yes
marm, I just do." "Well, you couldn't
my pies arc all round! Here, Tige!"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
ALL SORTS.
Toiling, a new out-of-door game, do
scribed as resembling both golf anc
tennis, may become fashionable iu
England.
A pot that can not boil over has re
cently been invented in Berlin. It has
a perforated rim, through which t'.K
overflowing fluid returns to the pot.
An authority states that the gold ii.
the shape of coin and ornament'
hoarded by the natives of India
amounts to the enormous sum of $1.
250,000.000. Diparaossiacetophcnomliphenilpipsr
azine is the name conferred by an Ital
ian chemist upon a new compound he
has discovered. The word is said tt;
mean something to chemical experts.
The bishop of London in a recent .d
dress on "Reading," said: "All hiimar.
knowledge has been gained by the im
pertinence and pig-iieadedness of a
small number of people who were al
ways asking 'Why?' "
"Tommy had a bitter disappointmea.
yesterday." "What was it? rcl! about
it. Tommy." "The paper said on:
preacijr was goin' to exchange pulpit
with 'nother preacher an I went t"
church, an' there wuz th same pulpit
an' 'nother man." Chicago Rpcord
At a school examination in Lincoln
R. L, some of the children were asket
to give their ideas of the cxpress-ior:
"His spirits were dampened." Onl:
one hand went up, and the little fe'lcv;
on being invited to give his explana
tion. said: "He had been putting wat
er in his whisky."
Already nine-tenths of the trade of
Bangkok is in English hards.
THE OLD GARDENER.
Ilia X.OT0 for Lone WortU and the Bea
ties of atare.
"Do you remember;" asked tho owner
of a large country place, "a man In one
of Stockton's stories whose gteat am
bition was to own a dictionary? Well,
I have just that fellow in my employ
now. My gardener might have fur
nished the original, in that respect at
least, for tho character the writer was
describing. I alwaya noticed Mich
ael's passion for long wordu, but it was
by accident that he revealed to me one
day how much he would like to have a
dictionary of his own In which he
nMght hunt up his beloved polysylla
bles. I gave him one, and after that
his conversation was more resplendent
than ever. He was always quite sure
of his ground, but he invariably suc
ceeded in producing an impressive re
sult. On one occasion, I remember,
my next neighbor had qulctiy appro
priated several bushels of my early
bough apples, .which grew unfortun
atelynear to the boundary line between
the two places. It was not a matter
worth making much fuss about, yet I
should have liked to stop it, and talk
ing it over with Michaol I said, half to
him and half to himself. 'I wonder
what would be the best thing to do?'
" 'Well, sir,' said he, 'this is what I
think: You just do nothing whatever
at present You'll wait till them late
russet apples of his is ripe and then
you'll gather a heap o' them some night
and r-r-retaliate the compliment.'
"Michael always had a grudge against
this particular neighbor anyhow, and
held his gardening ideas in especial
contempt So one day, when I chanced
to be the first to discover that Mr.
had cut down one of his most beautiful
hedges to make room for something
else, I hastened to tell Michael and get
his opinion upon the desecration. He
had a dce:. gotiuinc affection for all
J growing things, and his eyes glowed
wrathfully when he heard of the mur
dered laurel bushes, even though they
grew outside of his domain.
" 'What do you think of the perform
ance?' I asked.
"Mr. ,' replied the old fellow,
speaking slowly and emphasizing ev
ery word, 'the man that would do that
ought to he excommunicated from the
church and denied Christian burial."
Coming from a good Catholic, like Mi
chael, I think this will stand as a pret
ty severe sentence." New York Trib
une. It Stat lit.
Inquiring Tourist (in Oklahoma) I
understand that a bill was introduced
during the last session of the legisla
ture to make it a misdemeanor to have
a pack of cards in one's possession
containing more than, four aces or
kings? landlord (in a retrospective
tcne) Yes. Times have changed; it
used to be a capital offense if the vic
tim had his gan.
A Vleastne Kejolmler.
"I dcclar', it didn't take you no time
nt all to men' dem trowsis. Sis Brown."
"No, Brer Jinison, I done it with neat
ness an' dis patch!" Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Tli Klect.
Shade There are very shrewd peo
ple on earth. St. Peter But I always
get the best of them after all.
THE GREATER NEW YORK.
The city has about forty cemeteries.
The mileage of surface railways ia
I, MO.
Within its borders arc 43S hotels and
11,961 saloons.
It has 2GI asylums and hospitals Tor
the sick and unfortunate.
Fourteen great railway systems cen
ter in Greater New York.
The actual mileage of elevated rail
ways in the greater city is 1C0.
No street franchise can lie granted
for a longer period than twenty-five
years.
Of the thirty-four representatives in
cngress for the state the city will
have fifteen.
The National Guard quartered with
in the city limits numbers more than
rvcn thousand men.
It has within its limits eighty-nine
public libraries, and is about to cx
jend $2,500,000 on another.
The municipality is divided into five
boroughs for better administering ot
the local functions of government
The mayor will appoint heads of all
departments except the comptroller,
who will be elected for four years.
Greater New York has a standing
army of public safety consisting of
1.S89 policemen and 2,1C7 paid Bre
men. The equalized value of the real
tnd pcrson.I property in the city is
J2.16n.79., 157. and the total indebted
ness is $170,000,000.
Consolidated city of New York will
Iiegin its official existence January 1,
IS98. The first mayor will be elected
.n November 2 next
Of all the cities on the earth Greater
Xew York is second only to London.
The population of London is 4,231,000;
)f Greater New York, 3.100,000.
The total foreign commerce at the
ort of Greater New York in 1S96 was
51,039,361.216. and of all other ports
n the United States $1,897.585.4S0.
The consolidated city has 1,300 miles
if improved streets, 1,186 places of
.vorship, 140,000 inhabited dwellings.
1 66 banks and 6,000 acres of parks.
Taxation equal throughout the city,
ave for special local improvements.
'Jresent rate of taxation in New York
s ?2.11; in Brooklyn, $2.90; in Long
-.land City, $2.
The new city has an area of 306
quare miles. Its greatest length is
hirty-five miles from ML St. Vin-
rnt to Tottenville. London's area is
"8S square miles.
For first six months of term mayor
vill have power to remove at will any
ppoir.ted office-holder except judicial
jfficers. After that removals can only
ne made on charges.
Mayor of New York will be head of
in army of 50,000 employes and of a
government that will direct expendi
ture of $75,000,000 annually. His sal
lry will be $15,000 a year.
It has 350 public schools, which are
itic-nded by 202,951 scholars, and In
Ahich 7,454 teachers are employed. It
13s authority from the state to spend
M 6.000.000 on new schools.
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