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VOLUME XXVI.-NUMBER 51.
COLUMBUS, NEBRASKA. WEDNESDAY. APRIL 1, 1890
WHOLE NUMBER 1,351.
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TELEPATHIC WOOING.
R. AMSDEN WAS
utterly and hope
lessly in love with
beautiful Miriam
Foote. But, in spite
of his six feet of
splendid manhood
o r perhaps
because of them
the young doc
tor was so timid
in the presence of
the fair sex, and particularly in the
presence of the fascinating Miriam,
that he could no more bring himself
to utter a syllable of sentiment to that
young woman than he could walk up
to the venerable and dignified presi
dent of the State Medical Associa
tion and tweak his nose. The two
things seemed equally preposterous and
impossible.
At this juncture of affairs, curiously
enough, there fell into the hands of Dr.
Amsden a book that offered a magical
solution of the problem that perplexed
'him viz.. how to make love to the
woman who had ensnared his heart with
out being conscious of doing it. This
book was called "The Law of Psychic
Phenomena," and its central theory
was that the "subjective mind," or soul
of any person, by a process of auto
suggestion, may enter into communi
cation with the subjective mind of an
other person at any distance whatso
ever. A condition of sleep, cither cata-
" leptic or natural, is induced by the
agent in himself, but previously to fall
ing asleep lie must concentrate his
w4iole mental energy and will power
upon tho determination to convey a
certain image or message or both to
the subject mind of the person with
whom he wishes to communicate. Then
nway goes his spirit his phantasm
while he is buried in unconscious slum
ber, appears in bis very image to the
person designated and delivers the
message with his very voice and man
ner. Truly a marvelous theory, and
of untold significance to timid lovers
and bashful solicitors of every kind.
According to this theory. Dr. Ams
den. in older to make telepathic love
to Jliriani Foote, need simply to
to sleep on a certain night, with a
t.trong determination to send his phan
tasm to the young woman with an elo
quent appeal of affection. That was all.
It was not even necessary for him to
furnish the general substance, intro
duction or any portion of this glowing
address. Tie need slmnly specify that
it should be passionate and rich in ver
bal color ordering a proposal much as
be would a dinner at a first-class hotel,
with perfect confidence that at the
proper time it would be served in
proper foim. To be sure, this method
of wooing was not in strict accordance
with tho traditional etiquette of af
fairs. It might even he considered that
this proposal by a sort of phantasmal
proxy was hardly fair to the object of
the experiment. A ghost is. after all,
but a ghost, whether it be attached to
a bodily tenement or be simply a body
at large, and even tho most heavenly
minded young woman might cherish a
prejudice in favor of a fleshy lover.
On the other hand, however, the choice
lay not between two methods of woo-
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KNEELING AT HER FEET,
ing. but between this and none at all,
and bow easy, how delightful a method
of making a proposal of marriage. It
could all be performed, like a painful
surgical operation, during merciful
sleep. Then the lover when next he
met tho lady in his everyday person
would know by her manner whether
she had accepted or rejected him. The
more Dr. Amsden considered this fas
cinating project tho more xrivial
seemed his scruples against its fulfill
ment. Indeed, he asked himself judi
cially, was it not a fundamental doc
trine of metaphysics that only the soul
was real, and so-called matter was
simply the shadow cast by the spirit?
This being the case, his vulgarly
named ghost was in reality no ghost
at all, while his bodily presence was
the real phantasm.
Having arrived at this comfortable,
though to the lay mind slightly ab
struse, conclusion, Amsden wavered no
longer. "I will do It." he said, jump
ing to his feet "I will do it tonight
or no, a few days must be taken to
subduing the flesh and concentrating
the energies of tho subjective mind.
On Saturday evening, at the time of my
regularly weekly call, I will make an
end to this painful uncertainty. Though
I cannot but hope that she looks upon
my suit with favor, I shall never dare
to broach the subject of love openly in
the flesh. My ghost or, at least, what
is vulgarly known as a ghost shall
speak, and I will abide by the resulL"
On his return from dinner that even
ing Dr. Amsden locked all doors and
darkened all the windows of his apart
ments. Then, after smoking a medi
tative cigar, he went to bed. It was
barely 8 o'cVck in the evening when
his head touched the pillow, but, as he
had planned to send his image to Mips
Foote at precisely 9 o'clock, before that
young lady should have retired to her
chamber, he wished to have ample time
to get to sleep. Besides, he was really
tired and drowsy, which was certainly
a favorable condition for his experi
ment. He had feared he would get ex
cited and nenrous. but already the sug
gestion of sleep, which he had been
constantly reiterating for the last hour,
was beginning to tell upon his brain.
The formula, "I am about to go to
sleep, I am becoming sleepy, I sleep,
was having a most magical effect.
Dr. Amsden dropped into the misty
chasm of slumber less than fifteen min
utes after getting to bed. But that fif
teen minutes had been spent in stren
uous command, on the part of the ob
jective mind, that the subjective mind
should go, at precisely 9 o'clock, to the
home of Miss Foote, present itself in
the exact and correct image of the
lover, and make an ardent appeal to
the affections of the lady.
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In about two hours Amsden awoke,
bathed In perspiration and feeling
thoroughly exhausted. He was hot
conscious of having dreamed at all, and
yet it seemed to him as if he had just
shaken off a most horrible nightmare.
He arose, lit the gas and consulted Ms
watch. It was Just 10 o'clock, "thank
heaven." he cried. "I did not wake be-!
fore the time!" He went back to bed
and fell instantly into the deep slumber
of complete exhaustion, from which h
did not wake until late the next morn
ing. For two days he did not see Miss
Foote. Then he summoned up courage
to call on her. She came downstairs
looking pale and anxious, and the mo
ment Amsden's eyes fell upon her bi3
heart began to throb with suffocating
violence. Undoubtedly his experiment
had succeeded as far as the proposal
was concerned but should his attitude
be that of the accepted or rejected
lover?
Hardly .noticing his stammering ex
pressions of solicitude for her looks
Miriam led the way to the drawing
room, and. motioning him to a chair,
seated herself in a dim corner at the
other side of the room. Then, with
her blue eyes lowered and her fingers
twisting nervously, she said:
'Dr. Amsden. I owe you an apology.
When you called two nights ago and
asked me to be your wife I was too
much agitated to answer you. To tell
the truth." she continued, reddening a
little, "the efoquence of your words,
their poetry and melody, so surprised
and overcame mc that I could not an
swer you as you deserved. When I
left you and walked to the other .side
of the room it was only that I might
gain possession of myself, and when I
looked up and found you gone "
"Gone!" exclaimed Amsden. groan
ing audibly.
"Yes. gone like a spirit!" here Miss
Foote paused, while Amsden clutched
at his ehair.feeling as though his whole
body were turning to sand and drib
bling down upon the floor "without a
word of good-by. I feared that I had
mortally offended you and that you
would never come back to '
"Then you were not angry because
my ghost because I left like a ghost?
You wanted mo to come back? But
why?"
"I think you ought to know." said
the girl, blushing.
And the next moment Dr. Amsden
was kneeling at her feet.
"I did it in a dream no, I don't
mean that I mean this is a dream. I
ought to explain."
"No don't try. I understand," said
Miriam, softly.
The girl's head sank forward on his
shoulder. She was crying a little, but
she suffered her lover's arm to slip
around her waist, and Into his tremb
ling hand she prossod her own.
It was done, the impossible, the In
conceivable! And even Amsden felt in
his heaving heart that he had never
done anything so easy and so utterlv
delightful in his whole life.
It was true that Miriam did not un
derstand, but Amsden felt that nt siicn
a juncture any explanation would be
not merely out of place, but even in
delicate. To his credit be it said, however, that
on one occasion before his marriage
he attempted to confess to Miriam all
the circumstances of his proposal, but
while he was still struggling with hi3
introduction she stopped him with a
peremptory gesture.
"I don't understand a word about
subjective and objective minds." she
said, in a wounded voice. "All I know
is that you made me the most beautiful
proposal I had ever heard I mean
Imagined but of course if you want
to take it back by saying that you were
not responsible at the time "
Whereupon Amsden was obliged to
consume two delightful hours in assur
ing his sweetheart that he was a blun
dering fool, and that his metaphysical
nonsense, translated, meant that it was
his best self that had made that elo
quent proposal, and that he was only
afraid his everyday self was not one
tenth good enough for her.
Army Nickname.
Everybody is familiar with the namft
of Tommy Atkins, representing tho
British soldier, but how many know the
terms of endearment by which the Ger
man soldiers are called? Some of them
are applied to the entire regiment,
some to an individual corps. The guards
are called "hammer or sheep." The
guards call the soldiers of the lino
"field rats." The infantry speak of the
cavalry as "grooms," and the cavalry
return the compliment by bestowing
upon the infantry the names of "sand
hares." "sand carriers" and "clodhop
pers." The cuirassiers are known as
"flour sacks," the pioneers as "moles. '
the hussars as "packthreads" and the
artillery as "cow soldiers." The latter
are called also "astronomers" and the
engineers "water rats." Exchauge.
Profit in I'arU Theatrr'.
Paris theaters took in $3,700,000 last
year, $135,000 more than in 1894. Those
in which there was an increase in the
receipts were the Opera, the Cociedie
Francaise, the Varieties, the Gaite, the
Porte St. Martin, the Nouveautes. and
the Gymnase, where M. Porel made the
largest gain, more than $S0,000 over
the yar before.
NOTES OF THE DAY.
Two million glass eyes are manu
factured every year In Germany and
Switzerland.
Russia is reported to have had net
profits last year of $51,050,000 from her
railroads after deducting $53.240700
for interest on working capital and
sinking fund.
English furniture is becoming
fashionable in Germany, according to
the Vossische Zeitung. which advises
American manufacturers for the Ger
man markets to copy English models.
The state censuses of Wisconsin and
Minnesota taken in 1S95 show that the
percentage of foreign-born population
is steadily decreasing in Minnesota and
rapidly decreasing in Wisconsin.
A "hole in the ground," 4.800 feet
deep, is to be one of the attractions at
the Paris exposition. People will de
scend and ascend by elevators, of which
there are to be eight, each 600 feet in
extent
Here is something from the "agony
column" of a New York paper: 3215.
For "43 and 1333" sake send to P. O.
for important letter. In 3215423544434
"them" 1434114324114325. 223414213442-
222245 this.
0015.
CEMETERY FOR DOGS.
A NEW YORK WOMAN TO START
ONE.
For OraTei of Caalne I'U People Who
License Their Ddgs, She' Sajri, Will lie
Her Patron Proposed Burying
Ground. O
HEN the greater
New York becomes
a political fact, it
will have within
its territory the
only dog cemetery
in the world. Tho
proprietor of tho
cemetery, whose
plans are now be
ing completed, is A
woman, and a new
woman at that. She does not care Just
at present to have her name nor the
location of her proposed place of In
tel ment made public, because she fears
complications -regarding the purchase
of a plot of land that she has in mind
may result But to a reporter for the
Sunday Journal she spoke freely of her
hepes. plans and ambitions. In fact.
she fcals certain that a fortune is ahead
of her.
"I am going to go In." said she, "not
alone as a proprietress of a clog ceme
tery, but also as a dog undertaker. Why
net? Do we not read every day in the
papers, or almost every day, of pet dogs
who are put away in expensive casket3,
tut for whom there is no resting place
m the cemeteries devoted to man, be
zv.se the regulations prohibit the buri
r.l cf the lower animals? Now, I am
gclng to provide a place for dogs that
rhall be as attractive as are the ceme
teries for men. There will be. of course.
only good dogs, dogs that have been
cherished during their lifetime by their
PHOP03ED
owners, Interred In tho cemetery. Any
one who knows what tho true love of a
dog is, how attached his owners becoaiO
to him, can realize that a slight eum
would very gladly Le paid for hi
picper disposition after death.
"I am Gne of those who believo that
dogs good dogs have souls. If some
dogs that I know don't go to heaven
after they die. then It is because true
merit, true virtue, count for nothing.
I knew lo's and lots of dogs that are
infinitely bettor and more steadfast In
their fiiemlship than ninety-nine pro
pie out of a hundred. I love dogs, and
it is as much on this account s it is
that I need a vocation that I hae gone
into this business, which nt present
is perhaps unusual, but which in tho
future. I am sure, will brome Just &n
much an institution as "the burial cf
numan beings. Is it not the same way
cday with the human family rs with
i.c dogs? The pcor. the wrctahed. the
Jiiiserable and the foisaken are buried
In treoches in Potter's Field. They are
sll mixed together pell-ir.cli. rnd no one
.vnows or cares to know one from the
ether. But those of us who have loved
ones see to it that they arc tenderly
aid a way amid p'.-asint r-urrounding?.
"The stray dogs, the curs and the
"i etched outcasts of the canine faai
!;. gcncri.ly arc today carted nway
vithout care or regard. But no one
".ho h?s a pet dog surrenders him to
the dead animal contractor, to be con
verted on Barren Island into fertilizer.
The dead pet is carefully buried in some
.-pot where the aut'iesitiej cannot in
terfere. "But it is hard to find such a spot.
The -cccieKiies ngiul.. dace their
grounds to dogs and o:aer ar-Imais. and
tiie city ordinances p-ohitit tho burial
of dogs within the corr-'-" , Macs. A
man cannot c'en dig a grave in his own t
. . .... . .. .. .-i
cacx yara wiinout mailing ntmeif
liable to arrest. I know from ray own
experience and the statements of my
friends that this condition cf affairs
r.as often heccme a much more try.ng
problem than people who care nothing
for rlc.z? can appreciate.
"A man or woman who is sin cerely at
tached to a dog is as anxious that he
shall have decent burial or disposition
after death as if it were a case of a
child. This may seem absurd to peopia
who cannot enter into the feeling of
attachment that exists between degs
and their masters, but it is true, never
theless, and I am sure cf doing a very
profitable business as soon as I ccl my
cemetery and undertaking establish
ment started."
"Where are you going to locate the
cemetery?"
"Just outside of Long Island City,
not far from Calvary cemetery. 1 am
negotiating now fcr a piece of land
about an acre altogether. I will have
it neatly fenced, and then laid out in
plots, which I will sell to dog owners.
My undertaking establishment will be
in the city. I will begin en a very
modest soale at first Just get a little
rfinm sflmochrro trho T trill l-non n
iew eaglets of different sizes on hand.
?he cemetery will be planted with flow
ers and made as pretty and attractive
ps possible.
"The grave of each dog will be
marked with a headstone, and If peo
ple choose they may erect Buch monu
ments as they see fit. We have often
heard of monuments erected to noble
dogs, and that there has not been more
of this Is due very largely to the fact
that it has not been convenient to find
a place for these mnnumcr.t3 to be
erected. I will make my business known
es soon as I am ready to start by means
of circulars that I will send ardund
to all the dog owners In this city. 1
will get tho list Of dog owners fr6m
the Bergh Society, which now issues
licenses for all dogs that are worth
having. This will give me a pretty
complete list of people who think
enough of their dogs to warrant the
belief that they would want to bury
hem decently after death."
THE FORESTS OF HONDURAS.
Thejr Are Full of Wild Au2inals from
the f ietf Uorrru
A tramp through a tropical forest is
full of pleasure, says the Century.
Working our way up the little river,
we waded many a rod using its bed for
a highway, in sccral places the soft
banks held the imprints of tigers' feet.
In others the horny toes of the tapif
had left their impress and the tiny foot
prints of the little red deer of these
mountains marked the sands. In many
places the soft ground of the bottom
lands bordering the stream was rooted
up by wild pigs. Now and then my
guide sniffed the air suspiciously and
was astonished that I could not detect
the odor that the waree gives from
the gland on his back. Then the man
would creep forward r.nd point to a
i eddish animal busy with a nut or with
a sapote that some improvident monkey
had plucked before it was ripe enough
NEW CEMETERY FOR PET DOGC IN
to cat and thrown from the branches
high overhead. We would step for
ward, the pig would give one startled
glance and with barking grunts scurry
away, switching his tail and kicking
up his heels, as though in high glee be
cause he was only half frightened and
wholly jovial withal. Often a sound
like that made by a racket-loving
in chin clapping two shingles together
called attention to eoii'p toucan with a
niarvclously big nose. The scream of
a hawk, the chatter of monkeys, the
clear song, like that of a cardinal gros
beak, but with a prettier trill at the end
i-than the grosbeak knows; the plaintive
cry of the sloth, and the hum of insects
these were the morning voices of
these vast shades. At mid-day all was
silent. The sunlight filtered through
tho tops of tall mahoganies and Span
ish cedars and fell upon the spotted
ti unks of rosewood and lignum vitae
trees and carpeted all the ground with
golden patterns. Even the magnificent
butterflies no longer flitted on silent
wings of most brilliant and lovely hue,
ever grown strewn with the wings of
hur.dieds of their fellows that had fal
len prey to birds.
Hatter Roaili nnd 1'auror Tramp.
There Is specir.1 merit in the recom
mendation of the utilization of tramps
for road-building. This would benefit
tho country in two ways. It would im
prove the roads end diminish the num
ber cf tramps. The latter now live on
thf- country for nothing. They are our
leisure class and they are supported in
idleress by direct taxation. That tax
ation is levied upon the country farm
ers who feed the tramps and the city
people who are held up on the streets
for the price of a night's lodging or of
a cup of coffee. As a class tramps are
simply lazy frauds, many of them dan
gerous ones. Imprisonment without
labor is no punishment for them and
for this reason most of the tramp laws
R w,ithout tcrrr r tee tromp. Let
them be arrested wherever they appear
and put to roadmaking. Under this
rale we would seen have either good
roads or no tramps and either con
summation would fcc an unmixed bless
ing to the state. Philadelphia Press.
A Woman or W.-1-ji.
Lady Llanover. an enthusiastic
Welsh woman, whose bardic name was
Gwenyen Gwent. the Bee of Monmouth
shire, died recently at 91. She spent
a great deal of money in fostering
Welsh- literature and wore the Welsh
beaver hat Her husband, befoie he
wa3 raised to the peerage, was Benja
min Hall, and gave his name to Big
Ben, the great bell of the house of
parliament, which was set up when he
was commissioner of public works.
Celebrated Lawyer: "Not;, then, tell
me honestly, did ycu rob that bank?"
Client (in disgust): "Of course I did.
Do yer s'pose I'd be able to retain you
if I didn't?"
WHY PEOPLE GO MAD.
Aft AaaljaU of the Cases of Many Tftea
sands of Vletlau.
Rarely cab one find a more depressing;
story 0t human ills than that which is
told In the sixth annual report of thef
state commission of lunacy, recently;
gireri out by the state printer In Albany;
says the American Medical Review. In!
the table showing the causes which sent
16.208 people to the county asylums during-'
the six years covered by the statis
tics may be found some curious state
ments. Thus in spite of the supposed
deleterious Influence of cigarette-smoking
but one woman and one man were
driven insane by the habit, but exces
sive smoking of tobacco In other forms
sent 19 men and 3 women to the asy
lums. One woman became insane'
through the extraction of her teeth and
one giri lost her mind through fear of
punishment. An intemperate desire to
acquire knowledge forever stopped the
studies of 20 men and 12 women. Over
work broke down the minds of 252 men
and 430 women. Intemperance in alco
holic drinks accomplished the undoing
of 1,22? men find 212 women. No other
cause claimed so many victims among
men. Besides these there were some 200
who became Insane through drink com
plicated with some other cause, and it
is a curious fact that one of these was
a man who drank essence of pepper
mint. The opium habit claimed 17 men
and 22 women. Under the head of
"moral causes" are grouped such trou
bles as loss of friends, religious and po
litical excitements, disappointments,
and so on. These causes crazed 902
men and 1.294 women. It seems rather
strange, but one man became lnsano
through "military hardship." The
use of a hair-wash unseated one wom
an's reason. One man became insane
because of the beat of the furnaces un
der the boilers he was firing. The table
of causes compiled from the New York
BROOKLYN.
asylums goes into greater detail. It
shows that 13 men, but not one woman,
became insane through disappointment
in love during the six years. One man
went insane because his wife eloped,
but the women who lose their husbands
in like fashion must have taken a more
sensible view of the matter, for not
one was sent to an asylum. More re
markable still is the fact that under the
head of "domestic trouble," there were
registered 59 men and not one woman.
Six men, but not one woman, became
insane through fright. So, too, hair
dye turned the brains as well as the
hair of two men, but not one woman.
Mesmerism also affected one man, but
no woman. Jealousy was the undoing of
one man, but of no woman. On tho
other hand, overwork by Itself de
stroyed the minds of 44 women, but of
no men. Overwork and intemperance
combined, however, landed 131 men,
but not one woman, in the asylums. In
temperance alone called for 976 men
and 610 women this out of a total of
9,146 men and women admitted to the
asylums during six years. Overstudy
deranged the minds of 11 men and no
women. Koch's lymph ruined one man.
Women as Architects.
Practical asks if architecture is a
good and profitable study for women?
Answer: Yes, and there is urgent need
of new methods and new ground plans.
One may look over the plans of leading
architects and find a large proportion
of small houses built with a single
chimney, and that in the middle of the
dwelling. It is out of the question to
keep a house comfortably cool in sum
mer with such construction. Men do
not seem to Improve on such points, and
it is high time that women took up the
business.
GRAINS OF COLD.
Hold on to the truth, for It will serve
well, and do you good through eter
nity. The knowledge of the world which
is so much admired, but which, after
all, is hut a poor attainment, is really
nothing more than a knowledge of the
the defects, foibles, and weak point3
of men and women.
Both our mental and moral acquisi
tions increase by their communication
to others; which gives an illustration
of two truths first, that we are framed
to cany out the law of love; and sec
ond, that the possessions which multi
ply in the imparting are naturally tho
most vrluablc.
There Is one noble means of aveng
ing ourselves for unjust criticism; It is
by doing still better, and silencing it
solely by the increasing excellence of
our work. This is the only true way
of triumphing. But if, instead of this,
you undertake to dispute, to defend or
to criticise by way of reprisal, you in
volve yourself in endless troubles and
disquietudes, disturb all healthful tran
quility and waste in harassing contests
that precious time which you should
consecrate to your regular duties.
NEW AFRICAN LAKE.
FraacVs Oecapatlew of Tlsabactoct A4
to the 8am of HUtmUOti. ,
Although the occupation of ff&ba''"
too by the French has not yet added
materially to the volume of France's
colonial trade, It has unquestionably
added very greatly to our knowledge
of the geography of that part of Africa,
and in particular has resulted In ft ais
cOvery of singular Interest and Im
portance, says the Edinburgh Scots
man. Timbuctoo, as all the world
knows, stands on the boundary lino
between the Sahara and the western
Soudan a little to the north of the
great Niger bend, but what was not
known was the existence In the Imme
diate neighborhood of the city, and ly
ing somewhat to the west, of a series
of lakes and marshes covering a large
area of country. These great sheets of
water weie first seen by the Joffre
column, and have since been explored
by French officers stationed in the
neighborhood, who have laid down their
general outlines with some approach
to accuracy. The most Important of
these lakes Is called Lake Fngulbure,
and runs in a direction, roughly, east
and west. Its total length being some
sixty or seventy niiles. A couple of
smaller sheets of water connect with
tho Niger, and there are other lakes in
the neighborhood. As might be sup
posed, these lakes are the center of a
rich agricultural and pastoral district.
Crops of various kinds are grown In
abundance, and the natives have large
flocks and herds. Perhaps the mo3t
curious feature of the discovery Is the
fact that neither Earth nor Dr. LaZ ap
pear to have heard of this fertile re
gion, and it is to be presumed that the
guides deliherately led them away from
the direction of the lakes. The new
of this discovery will no doubt revive
the interest In the occupation of Tim
buctoo in France, where, after the first
enthusiasm was over, there was a
marked tendency to criticise Col. Bon
nier's act as rash and premature a
tendency rather strengthened than
weakened by the recent troubles with
the Tauregs. The results of observa
tions on tho climate of that part of
Africa establish, it is said, the perfect
feasibility of Europeans living there
the whole year round with certain pre
cautions The months of April and
May are said to be the most trying,
not only for Europeans, but for natives
but December and January are so cool
that a great coat is sometimes wel
come, and the natives report that onf
vear ice formed at least this i3 the
deduction drawn from the native state
ment that "the marsh became stone."
PLAGUED THE INVENTOR.
Congrasmnn Whose Joke Acteil lAUo an
Autrallitn'4 Woomeraoc.
One member of the house Is in a reg
ular stew lust now. He Is telling the
story on himself:
"I was slightly surprised a few days
ago to receive a letter from a constit
uent, as follows:
" 'Dear Judge: Tim Dooley says tha'
government gives away fish to those
who apply. 1 don't know If this Is so or
not, but if so 1 wish you would send me
some. The only kind we get hcr are in
half-pound packages, called boneless
cod. And then they make you thirsty.
If they give away any fishhooks I wish
you would send me some, for the major.
Ranson Brown, Judge Kaufman and I
have planned to go fishing as soon as
the weather opens up. You know they
all worked well for you last time.
"For the sake of the joke I dropped
into a sporting goods store and bought
a tin box of hooks for $1.50, sent it to
my friend, with n note saying that I
was very glad I had some fishhooks
still left in my quota, though there had
been a great demand for them and th-
horse hook. The supply of fish had run
out and the president had been so oc
cupied with bonds and bad congress on
his hands so long that our supply was
exhausted. I regretted also that the
ducks had been wild or could maylx
have got some, but last trip Grover only
got thirteen and he needed most of
those himself. The result was four
teen requests for fishhooks within a
week and they are still comi-g. It is
no use saying Uncle Sam docs no!
handle fishhooks, as here are the hookr
and there is my letter, and if I don't
send them every last man that I refuse
will sharpen a knife for me next cam
paign and if I do I will go broke. Don't
fool with the granger."
Sparc the Adjective.
"I have observed rather a curious
thing in jcu, Alice." said a gentleman
to his niece. "Ycu ccera to live in the
superlative degree. When you have a
toothache it is the worst you ever had.
The young man who was here last night
was the ngliect fellow you ever taw.
According to your statement a little
while ago, it took you forever and a day
to learn to rna!:e pponge cake. The
hot!sa, yon say. is full of flies. Ycu
have just declared that the rocm 13 as
hot ps an evep. yr.n have the dreadful
est headache you ever had Ir ycur life
and the hoy an'ocs the road is making
the fcarfuiest iacket a boy ever made.
Don't ycu see. my child, this sort of
thing won't do? Seme time in ycur
life you will rraliy have an oxperirncp
recuiring strong words to describe it
and ycu will net be able to y any
idea of it. You will have used up ail
your adjectives. That is all. my dear.
A wotd to the wise is sufficient." Ex
change. Dratl to Keinore.
An example cf the extinction of re
morse in the huiran breast is afTcrded
by the village of retired organ send
ers, which, we are told, is to be found
in Italy. They will exhibit as great a
serenity and peace of mind as though
thr-y had passed their lives in bene
fiting their fellow creatures. No rec
ollection of tho tortured author, the
ftenzied musician or the s!ecpios3 in
valid haunts their callous neart3; and,
what Is most amazing of all, some of
them have actually taken their in
struments homo with them ani grind
upon them for their own amusement.
Exchange.
Told by a Trjpper.
One Vermont trapper, hailing from
Houghtonville, has trapped during
this season 1.600 skunks, 175 foxes. 70
minks, 200 muskrats and 100 coons.
The record seems pretty high, but it
is vouched for by a local paper, and
Vermont has a great reputation for
game and trappers.
Doctor Albright.
A BROAD MINDED PHYSICIAN
WITH PROGRESSIVE IDEAS.
Believe ta Recomaaealns Any Hedlclm
That lie KtoitiWill Core Hi Patients
Tblaks Ur. If HlUae TlaU. Pill
Great Discovery He Cttca
Some Marvelous Care.
ttota the Cxsmlncr. Lancaster, Pa.
Akkox, Pa., April 24th,5.
Dr. Williams' Mcmcixe Co.:
Gentlemen-While it is entirely contrary
to the cattom of the medical orofessioa to
endorse or recommend any of the so-called
proprietary preparation. I shall, never
theless, glte vou an account of some of my
wonderful experience's with your prepara
tion. Dr. Williams' I'jnk Pills for Tale
People. The fact is wo'l kuown tbat ;ed
kal practitioners do not as a rnle, "co$
niie, much less use, preparations of thw
kind, consenueatly the body of theni hare
no definite knowledge of their virtue or
lack of it, bat toBBdly condemn tbni all
wltaoBtatriaL 8acbacoarceisiuanli?stly
absard at aajast, and I, for me, proper
to give my patients the best treatmeV
known to me. for the particular dfeease
withwhi.h they are suffering, no matter
what it is, where or how obtained. I w
first brought to prescribe Dr. Williams
Piak Pills about two years ago, after hav
ing seen some rsmarkablo results from
their use. Reuben Hoover, now of Rend
ing. Pa., was a prominent contractor and
builder. While superintending the work
of erecting a large building daring cold
weather, be contracted what was tbongKt
io be sciatica. He first noticed it one
morning ia not being able to arise from
his bed. After the usual treatment for
this disease lie failed to improve, but on
the contrary grew rapidly worse, the case
developing into Ueiniphlegia, or partial
paralvsisof the entire right fcide of tho
body." Elc o'ricity. ton ics a ml message, etc. ,
were nil given a trial, but nothing gavo any
beneflt. and the paralysis continued. In
despair lie was compelled to hear hi. phy
sician announce that bis case was hopele?.
About that time his wife noticed one of
your advert leemeats and concluded to trj
your Tink Pills.
He bad given np hopo nnd it required a
great deal of begging on the part of bis
wife to persuade him to take them regu
larly. He, however, did as she desired, and if
appearance iudicate health in this ican,
one would think he v:is better thnn lief ore
his paralysis.
'Why,' says he, 'I began to improve in
two days, and in four or five weeks I wa
entirelv well and at work.'
Having seen these results I concluded
that snch a remedy is surely worth a trial
at the bands of any physician, and conse
quently when a short timo later I was
called upon to treat a lady suffering with
palpitation of the heart nnd great nervous
prostration, after the usual remedies tailed
to relieve, I ordered Dr. Williams' lii:Ic
Pills. The result was simply astonishing.
Her attacks became less frequent and a!o
Jess in severity, until by their use for a
period of only two montns sue was tno pic
ture of health, rosy-cheeked and brigbt
eyed, as well as ever, and she has continued
so until today, more than ono year since
he took any medicine. I have found thie
pills a specific for chorea, or as more com
monly known, Ht. Vitus' dance, ns benefi
cial results hnve in all cases marked their
u&e. As a spring tonic any one who, from
overwork or nervous strain during a long
winter has become pale and languid, the
Pink Pills will do wonders in brightening
thecountennnreandin buoying tho spii its,
bringing roses to the pnllid lip and renew
ing the fountain of youth.
Yours Resiectfully,
J. 1. Albright, M. D.
UNCLE SAM'S TREASURY.
The total ordinary expenditures ol
the government in 1893 were $3oC,lS5.
29S. In the year 1904, only eight ycar.
from now, 1100,000,000 in bonds must be
redeemed.
In 1890 the receipts from importr
amounted to $77,000,000 more than Jast
year.
The tax on imports into the United
States amounts to 2 for each inhnbi
tant. Thirty-seven cents per capita in 1831
was sufficient to pay the interest oa the
nation's bcrowings.
France, Russia, Great Britain. Aus
tria-Hungary, Italy, Spain and Prussia
are the only nations deeper in debt than
Is the United States.
In 1S67 3 cents per capita of silver
and C6 cents per capita of gold was
coined. In 1S94 13 cents per capita c
silver and $1.17 of gold was minted.
The indebtedness of the United States,
less cash on hand on November 1, 1895.
was $S12,137,G10.S7. Without deduction.
and including certificates and Treasury
uctes it was 51.717.181.779.
In France l,r,.0 miles of light rail
ways have been already built, though
many of the lines last year were worked
at a Ion?.
An American tourist recently sent hi
bicycle from London to Paris by parcel
post. The rest was only a few pence,
and he received it in perfect order.
Cardinal "elcher's death, following
closely on those of Cardinals Persico
and Bonaparte, will keep alive thf
superstition that cardinals always die
in threes.
NEWSY '1 RIFLES.
The Swiss government made a profi
at about $l,000,0i0 last year oa its mo.i
opoly ia spirils.
Dr. Young records that at Gibraltr.i
the human voice has been heard at a
distance of ten miles.
Bombay can now be reached by fast
steamer from London in thirteen days
and the Cape of Good Hope in fourteen.
A Quitman, Mo., man has just re
ceived $100 from the national govern
ment for a horse killed during the civi
war.
The account of Baring Brothers, win
failed in London for millions, has beet
closed without any call upon the guar
antors.
Edwin Streeter, the well-known ex
pert, says there is one red diamond'in
existence and only one. It is valued
at $4,000.
Statistics of last year's bankruptcies
in England and Wales shew that the
number of failures was smaller than in
1893.
In the famous Garden of Olives at
Jerusalem there are eight flourishing
olive trees that are known to be over
1.000 years old.
Wumlms-State -Bank J
f0ldftttt ft fin Dentil.
Wta Ink leal Estate
Wtta ran wtirrt ci
CM ay. Haw Tack Mat all
miS s ITIAbUHI : ftOKffl.
BUYS GOOD NOTES
Vat Un Its CaatosMia wkea kf Kaai Bate
OFFICERS AND DIRECTORS:
Leasder Gerrakd, Pres't,
B. H. Henrt, Vice Prest,
M. Brcgqer, Cashier.
Jonx Stauffkr. Wm. Buciier.
-OF-
COLUMBUS, NEB.,
-HAS AX-
Autfiirized Capital if - $500,000
Paid ii Capital, - 90,000
OFFICERS.
C. D. SIIELDON. Pres't.
II. P. II. OEIILUICII. Vlco Pros.
DANIEL SCflUAM.t'aslilor.
FKANK KOKKK, Ass't Cashier
MKECTORS.
f. II. Fnni.noN, II. I. II Ofiii.kicii.
Jonas Wki.cii. W. A. McAi.listeii,
UAUI. KlKNKE, S. C. UllAY,
TllAMv KoitF.K.
STOCKHOLDERS.
fiF.UIIAUn Losekk,
ClakkUkay.
llAMI'l. SOI HAM,
A. F. II. Oiuti.iticii
lwt:LCCA llKCKKlt,
J. He.MlV WCHOEMAN,
I1F..NKY I.OSKKE.
OM. W. tiAl.l.r.Y.
.1. r. Hkckkii Estate,
II. M. Winslow.
Bank of doposlt: Interest allowed on time
deposits; buy and sell exchange on United
States and huropc, and !uy and soli avail
able securities. Wo shall bo pleased to re
ccivo your business. Wo solicit your pat
ronage. A weekly newspaper de
voted the best interests of
COLUMBUS
THE COUNTY OF PLAITE,
The State of Nebraska
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sent free to any address.
HENRY GASS,
UNDERTAKER !
Collins : and : Metallic : Cases !
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Ut COLTJMBUB. NEBRASKA-
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