Nebraska Newspapers

    m
-.- rl
'm
-
f4
5
t
i i
S.I .
.
-- . -
J------
5"
h
LOOKING BACK.
Alt, backward-gazing eye,
The sun for thee hath set!
Not thine to prophesy,
But only to forget.
Above a grave, still grieving,
By thy belief misled.
That life is not worth living
Till after it is dead.
Nay, turn not still away
From all that draws sweet breath
Look not on life, I pray,
Through tears that fall for death!
No less allegiance giving,
Nor needing to forget,
Be happy in believing
What has been, may be yet.
Inter-Ocean.
WHAT DID MOSES SAY?
Parson Johnson was in very strait
ened circumstances. He owed Mo
groceryman, tho dry goods merchant,
the baker, the butcher. His congre
gation had been rather dilatory in
paying him his salary, and, in fact.
Brother Johnson liked to livo pretty
well; hence those unpleasant remind
ers of the creditor.
Now, while Parson Johnson had
been liko thousands of others, revel
ing in the ecstacics of the demiso of
the old and the nativity of tho new
year, he had overlooked tho very
prosaic fact that lime is money,"
and if ho had cast but a casual glance
at the condition of his finances ho
would have found nothing particularly
joyful in the said demiso of tho old
and birth of the new year. Had he
not been carried away by tho ebulli
tions of an effervescent imagination
and viewed the matter from a com
mon sense standpoint, he would have
spent his time more proutably than
hailing tho approaching trouble
breeder. Matters were indeed growing ser
ious in his household affairs, especi
ally in tho culinary department there
of. The butcher, who by the way,
was of Hebrew extraction, and re
sponded to the euphonious appellation
Moses Gundlebaum and who. also,
was the only butcher in the town,
had, upon the morning of tins very
day, in emphatic terms, declared that
Parson Johnson would not receive
another ounco of meat from his estab
lishment upon a mere promise to pay.
In fact, Moses supplemented this sen
tence with the further remark that
Parson Johnson was in debt to him to
the amount of ten dollars, and that
in the new addition made to the future
by the prompt arrival of tho first day
of January, ho had also renovated h is
method of doing business, and that in
the hereafter dating from the said
first day of January his steaks,
roats and sausages would not leave
his shop unless their equivalent in
cold, hard, vulgar cash was deposited
in his till. Furthermore, he had sent
an itemized bill of his account (unpo
etic soul that ho was) on the evening
of the very day of the nativity of tho
new year to Parson Johnson, with the
groveling desire expressed upon a
slightly soiled piece of paper, that Mr.
Johnson would give the matter his
prompt attention by remitting the
amount claimed at his earliest con
venience. This was. indeed, an unpleasant
subject to contemplate, especially so,
since, if tho truth must bo told,
Parson .Tohnson had not so much as
the proverbial red cent in his pocket,
and no well dofined source from
whence to obtain it.
Thus sat poor Parson Johnson, in
the conventional brown stud,"
which was gradually assuming darker
and deeper dyes until I might say it
was a black study, on tho very next
day of new year. It must not be for
gotten that the parson was a good
man and would have gladly paid every
cent he owed, had it been in his power
to do so. But like a great many good
and honest men, he was a timid and
over-sensitive man, or, in other
words, ho lacked the courage to de
mand of tho stewards of his congrega
tion tho money justly duo him. Like
most men attlicted with this infirmity
he invariably made his demands, if
such they maj' be called, by inuendo.
or, to use a more comprehensiblo
term, by hinting.
The way out of his embarrassment
the parson's will had evolved was,
that as on the night of this particular
Saturday, he was booked for a ser
mon, he would choose such a text and
expound it in such a manner, that the
most impervious of his flock must nec
essarily be punctured by iL Moro
than this, ho had planned a nice little
supper after the sermon for the stew
ards and deacons at the parsonage. Ho
had all theso little matters snugly ar
ranged in his mind all save one, and
that was. it might bo said a very triv
ial thing indeed, but it was no less
than a question of meat. But the
good man dashed this off with tho
mental remark: '-That surely Moses
Gundlebaum could not refuse him one
more roast, on receiving the assurance
that he, Moses, would without any
hypotheses be paid on the coming
Monday." Having thus rid his mind
of this disagreeable subject, he set
about to find a suitable toxt for the
evening sermon. He finally selected
one from the Third Book of Moses, "
which, in substance was an admoni
tion that tho ox should not be muzzled
mhile treading out tho corn.
Parson Johnson was lost in deep
meditation in evolving his sermon
for the remainder of the day. He had
entirely lost sight of secular affairs, to
much so. that when the time arrived
for him to begin tho exercises at tho
church, ho had utterly forgotten all
about the order of the butcher. His
good wife having gently reminded
him of this deficit of tho culinary de
partment, ho hiirredly informed her
that as it was now quite late, and that
it would be impracticablo for himself
to attend to the matter, that she
should encase the services of their
'neighbors oldest boy. a youth of
some eighteen years, to do tho errand.
The youth under discussion, it is to bo
regretted, had never received that pe
culiar polish which the poet so truth
fully remarks "civilizes mankind and
tames the rude and boisterous mind."
No, he had never been brought in
contact with tho simplest o? these
polished arts. To the contrary,
he had avoided them. In all the
eighteen years of his life he had
shunned the schoolroom and tho
church looking upon these benign
Institutions with fear, distrust and
aversion. He was a child of nature
in the abstract, a simple youth, yet
not wholly bad. For when Mrs. John
son called at his humble home and
asked him if he would go to Moses
Gundlebaum's and buy her five pound?
of good roast and have the same
charged to Mr. Johnson, the youth,
whose name, by the way. was Jacob,
readily assented and at once set out
upon the errand. He soon reached
the establishment of Mr. Moses Gun
dlebaum, whom he met slandingf-in
the doorway with his hands underjihis
; greasy apron, as butchers usually
stand when not, employed, with a
rather infelicitaiM expression upon his
Hebraic coaatenance.
It Bight be well to remark right
here that the social relations existing
between Jacob and Moses at this par
ticular time were rather strained.
Like most boys who seek their di
versions outside of the paternaTroof,
young Jacob had, in times past, en
joyed some innocent amusements at
the expense of his neighbor, the
bntcher. The "hforesaid amusement
consisting in this that on a certain
occasion some twelve months past;
Jacob had hung upon one of the out
side meat hooks of the butcher's a
certain deceased Thomas cat with
the superscription informing the trav
eling public that dressed rabbits were
to be had "within." While Jacob
immensely enjoyed the pleasantry at
the time, it can not be said that Moses
entirely appreciated or approved of
it On tho contrary, ho most emphat
ically disapproved of it and would
have impressed his disapprobation
upon tho anatomy of Jacob if he had
remained to receive it. Ever since.
Moses bad looked upon Jacob with an
evil eye.
Mr. Gundlebaum," began Jacob.
Mrs. Johnson sent mo here to get
five pounds of good beef for a roast
and have it charged to Mr. Johnson,
and he'll pay you next Monday."
-Look a-hear, you toftlish poy. git
oud of here; and you tells dot Parson
Yonsing to go to grass mit his prom
ises. He gits no more peef from me
ondil he pays me vat ho owes." So
saying. Moses made a grab for Jacob's
ear. and tho latter, not being in a
mood to rolish caresses of this nature,
hastily departed in tho direction of
the parsonage.
When he imparted to Mrs. Johnson
the results of his errand, that good
lady was "in a peck of trouble." What
in the world should she. what in the
world could she. do? Hero were all
these people invited to supper by
her husband and not a mouthful of
meat on tho place! In this dilemma
she thought it best to at onco send
Jacob to the church. She instructed
him to watch his opportunity and in
form the parson of the failure of his
mission, and he, good man, would
certainly deviso some plan to avert
tho impending calamity.
It so happened . that when Jacob
entered the church, the parson was
considerably warmed up in his ser
mon. It happened that for the first
time in a number of years there was
not a slumbering member in tho fold.
The house, too. for the first time in
many months, was fulL All eyes
were riveted upon the animated
countenance of the speaker. The
good parson, evidently referring to
his text again, and assuming tho ar
gumentative strain to more forcibly
impress his hearers, said:
And what did Moses say? Ah.
what did Moses say? I will repeat it
for tho third time: What did Moses
say?"
As Jacob, whom it will bo remem
bered was totally ignorant of the
solemnity of a religious meeting, and
who stood in open mouthed wonder
listening to tho questions of tho
preacher, thinking that the questions
could be propounded to no other per
son present but himself, when the last
appeal was made promptly responded,
in a voice sufficiently loud to be audi
ble to the entire audience, that:
Moses had said that "that Parson
Yonsing could go to grass with his
promises, that ho could get no more
beef from Mocs until he had paid
him what ho owed.' "
As the result of this interruption
can bo better imagined than described,
I will leave that pleasant task to the
reader. Arkansaw Traveler.
SCARCITY OF WHALEBONE
Will the Coming; Woman be Able to Se
cure Any of It?
Arctic whalebone made a remarka
ble advance Inst week to $5.25 a pound
for choice quality, says the New York
World. This is the highest price re
membered by the trade. Fully 10,000
pounds were bold at $4.70 to $5 a
pound; and the commoner kinds, such
as Japan sea and northwestern,
brought 4.15 to 4.35 a pound. As
with all whale products, this article
is yearly diminishing in supply, and.
unless commerce permits a long
breeding rest it is too much to imag
ine that any gigantic enterprise can
come with the magic aid of scientific
economy and manago to organize
some sort of a whale-preserve or mari
time ranch at a fe:isible point of tho
ocean, our noble aquatic animal must
soon practically disappear like the
buffalo of the prairie.
In late years a few moneyed specula
tors have continued to get control of
the bulk of the "catch." and in the
condition of matters all possible cheap
ness is wiped out. Tho stimulating
whips of enthusiastic jocke3s and those
of stylish family and road turnouts, the
symmetry of comfortable corsets, of
bridal or other expensive waists must
hereafter pay extra tribute to the ex
travagant drain that has been going
on in whalebone for the last sixty
years.
There are many useful substitutes,
but none seem to satisfactorily fill the
place for best purposes of pure Green
land baleen, or as the witty dressmaker
remarks: Nothing else has such
staying excellence."'
Worth and a host of foreign and
American gown contractors of renown
are extremely particular in selecting
this material, and cannot b8 induced
to experiment with the best imitations.
In fact, no first-class workman or
woman would attempt to turn out a
bridal, reception, or ball gown that had
not an incorporation of genuine whale
bone where needed.
The best whalebone is obtained
from tho Greenland or right whale.
There are about three hundred thin
plates of it in tho mouth of a full grown
animal, varying from ten to fifteen
feet in length. These are arranged
transversely in rows and fringed at the
edges with a thready substance, which
enables the whale to secure the
peculiar suction food on which it sub
sists. POWDERLY ON THE READING.
Me Says an Kmlturj of tka Coaablae
lias Been Trying; to Corrupt'CbarcRe.
Scraxtox, Pa., May 9. Mr. Pow-'
derly has made public the startling
statement that for some time past a
Beading emissary had been in the
Lakawanna valley for the purpose of
advancing the interests of the combine,
lie says that this man had seen every
minister and priest of every denomina
tion, to some of whom he offered passes
and money. The combine agreed to
assume church debts and in at least
two instances Catholic priests were
approached with offers t, pay the cost
of erection of parochial schools if the
combine should be indorsed and ap
proved by them from the: puWts.
Practice verra Preacklea.
He taught his wife tho sin of dress
"With eloquence and power.
And then played billiards all day long
At sixty cents an hour.
Cloak Review.
Rhode Island's Population.
The smallest of all the states,
Rhode Island, has the largest popula
tion per square mile, or 31,844 per
sons. The figures of the last census
show that if the whole union were as
densely populated it would contain
945,766,800 inhabitants.
A LAND OP TINY FARMS.
Ho nt tko Teaming; Millions mt- Jasn
ar Frl and Clothed.
The economic problem of how to re
lieve the pressure of an increasing
population upon limited means of sub
sistence has not yet been solved in Ja
pan. A temporary, if not a perma
nent relief is promised n the attempt
"f the government to encourage emi-
' gration to foreign countries. Already
thousands nave, setuea in ine Haw
aiian and other Islands of the Pacific.
Japan is so cut up by mountain
ranges and almost impassable cliffs
that only about onceighth of the
wholo area is suitable for operation
The country is so small and the popu
lation so great that the wonder is that
the people have managed to exist at
alL But to the fact that they have
Ifced and thrived their enormous
numbers bear testimony. The high
cultivation of tho land the vegetarian
diet of the people. together
with the remarkable staying power"
of the race have made the matter
of existence comparatively easy in
ages pa-st But notwithstanding the
power of resistance which is charac
teristic of the people, there must be
a limit to their endurance. The
rapid increase of the population,
together with the drain upon the re
sources of the country, would surely
in a few years have resulted in noth
ing less than a contest with scarcity,
if not an actual fight against famine.
But for the present at least the
calamity has been averted by the em
igration of thousands of coolies,
which has proven the best thing, not
only for apau and the emigrants
themselves, but for the new coun
tries. The decrease of population in
the Pacific islands makes it impossi
ble to obtain necessary and efficient
labor at home and the recruiting of
the industrial forces by the energetic
and skilled Japanese agricultural
laborers is just what is needed.
Large companies are emigrating
nearly every month under contract
to remain from three to five years.
Owing to the demand for labor and
the efficiency of the Japanese, the
terms of th contract are particularly
easy. The expenses of the voyage
both ways are generally paid and
the emigrant has the privilege of re
turning at the end of the first year if
dissatisfied. He receives better wages
and is enabled to live in greater com
fort than at home. Other countries
have responded to Japan, and just
how great the exodus will become
within the next few years may de
pend largely upou the inducements
offered.
To an outsider it would seem ex
pedient for tho government to bring
the island of Yeo under cultivation.
The great drawback is the climate,
which is much colder than that of the
rest of the empire. Japanese dwell
ings are not built to withstand severe
cold and the natives have made no
attempt to make a change iu the old
forms of dwelling structures.
The land under cultivation in Japan
is about 18.000.000 acres, upon the
product of which 41. 000, 00 J must be
fed. It is unnecessary to add that
the farms are small. The average
farm is from one to three acres, and a
ten acre plot is considered a large
farm. So many tilings are done on
the diminutive cn!o in .Japan. Space
utilizing and territory saving has been
reduced to a tine art.
SERIO COMIC ITEMIZING.
Important Tacti Tersalr Told by Bright
Pari Rrapbnrs.
What a relief it is to gain informa
tion of a serious accident without any
of the horrible details that shock the
senses and curdle one's blood. What
can be more vivid than the following,
and yet one smiles rather than shud
ders, says the New York Ledger, at
thought of the mistaken interloper
who was cut up:
The gentleman who recently pro
ceeded to -clean out' the editor of the
Times has consented to
postpone operations until the doctors
have fixed half a doen broken bones
for him and extract three or four
bullets."
Witness the following physiological
item. No exhaustive medical treatise
could express more:
"A man in Galveston the other day
who complained of being over-heated
effected a permanent cure by drinking
six glasses of ico water without the
aid of a physician. He was cool when
the coroner came."
Here is another equally good:
Mr. Collins, of Hartford bought a
ferocious watchdog. Mr. Collins came
home late that night His wife says
that his trousers can't be mended.
The dog's 6kin is for sale cheap. Mr.
Collins hopes to be able to sit down in
a few weeks."
Is not the following brief, compre-'
hensive and to the point?
"Mrs. Swan, of C'ohoes. N. Y,,
lighted her fire with kerosene on Mon
day, leaving a husband and one child."
Here we have a conflagration done up
in style:
John Baldwin, of Grundy. la.,
owned a defective Hue. He doesn't
own it now. Loss, $600.
A VERY HUM Li DESPERADO.
W hM the I!Ighl l'rtnu Spoke to Him
All oilier WVre M.(f.
I don't know who it was in the
crowd on the railway platform that
started the report that the man sitting
on tho baggage truck with his hat
pulled down over his eyes and a briar
root pipe in his mouth was a desper
ado. But it wasn't five minutes after
the term had been applied to him
that I found lots of information at
hand. One man look me aside and
said:
Til tell ye what I'm knowing my
self. He killed five revenue officers
in South Carolina in one year. He's
the gamest man in the country and
can shoot both-handed."
A second man came up and added:
' 'It's a mighty lucky thing he's feel
ing good nuturcd to-day. I'm told that
he killed seven men in Kentucky one
Sunday morning because he happened
to have a headache."
A third man knew where the desper
ado had wiped out a family, declares
the Detroit Free Press, and a fourth
and fifth rolated other instances of
cold-blooded murder. The man didn't
seem to know that he was being
watched and lionized. He sat with
the sun at his back, and by and by we
saw him begin to nod, and his pipe
fell at his feet
"The tiger sleeps!" whispered a
little man with mutton-chop whiskers.
He sleeps now. but beware when he
awakes. He was no doubt the man
who killed eight negroes just north of
me on the cross-road.'
I was wondering why the village
constable didn't arrest the bad. bad
man. ben a tall and slatternly woman
about 40 years of age opened the
door of a mean looking shanty oppo
site the depot and looked up and
down the one long street Then she
looked across at us and shaded her
eyes with her hand. She made out
the blood-thirsty desperado on the
truck and came straight across to
him. The track was close to the
edge of the platform, and she graooea
the man's leg and shook him awake.
Wha what's the matter?" he
growled, as he looked around.
You, thar" ax woodpile git!"
replied the woman, as she pointed
aeross the street
The' mam got down in a shambling
way, shuffled across the road after
her. and a minute later was working
with the ax at an' old knot before the
, door.
The man with the mutton-chops was
, the only one who kept his presence of
i mind when the climax came. He
calmly lit a cigar, tossed the stub of
the old one away, and speaking to the
score of us said:
Gentlemen, it's my opinion that
all immediate danger has passed and
that it will be quite safe for any of us
to go around the corner of the freight
shed and take a drink!"
HEPHZIBAH'S SPEECH.
ecrlbes, Pharisaea and Hpaerlte. I
Coa! Keep a Better feekoot.
The o'd-time residents of a small
town in Maine were fatn..iar with two
grim-visaged uJ dark-complexioned
individuals who traveled about the
country, each bearing a huge pack or
bundle on her back. In winter they
used a small hand-sled to carry their
goods and belongings. They were
known as Hephzibahand Polly Austin,
ays the Youth's Companion.
Hephzibah was said to have deal
ings with familiar spirits, and conse
quently was feared and shunned by
those who knaw-no better than to be
lieve the story. Children especially
were sometimes frightened to meet the
two women, although they were never
known to harm any one. ,
One day Hephzibah and Polly came
down the village street just at the noon
recess of the school. The children re
garded them quietly until they were
supposed to be out of hearing. Then
a shout went up -There goes Hip and
Poll Austin."
Unluckily ihoy were within hearing,
and the children seeing Hephzibah
drop her bundle and run toward them,
fled for refuge into tho school house.
To their horror she followed; and.
going up to the teacher, related her
grievance and asked redress.
The teacher reprimanded the chil
dren, and ordered them to their seats,
although recess had just begun This,
they supposed was the end of the
who affair; but they were mistaken.
Hephzibah grabbed the door caso with
both hands, and. leaning forward,
said: "tcribea Pharisees and hypo
crites. I could keep a better school
than this. "
Then she joined her sister, who was
waiting ft - her at the dcor. and both
went on their way. i -r meaning,
undoubtedly was that she would main
tain a hotter discipline among the
scholars, and teach them to be civil,
even to tramps, like herself.
Totally Lackinr-
An army officer writiug from Fort
Schuyler. N. Y.. sa3's: --I read with
much amusement the sketch in a late
Argonaut entitled Our American
Army.' and it reminded mo of the
story of tho Irish drill-sergeant in the
English array. A squad of newly en
listed men arc paraded for his in
spection and a preliminary drill. His
little visorless forage cap is canted to
one side as he struts up and down the
line, tapping his leg gently with the
inevitable cane or switch. At last he
halts in front of an undersized round
shouldored victim, steps back a pace,
places his arms akimbo, and solilo
quizes: -Well, what kind of a man
wud it be that 'ud go and 'list a kan
eraroo for the army with a hoomp on his
back like a do? scaaping a pot Shtip
out here. Wud ye know yer facings?
Right face. Ah. there ye go to the
left yer sowl. don't ye know yer
right hand from the left? Which hand
do ye bless yerclf wid? Ye don't bless
yerself at aV h? So - are a heretic?
Git back to ilio ranks.' '
She Would Join the Cnvalry.
A little girt atter watching with
interest the passing of a company of
soldiers, turned to hot mother and said:
I do wish I was a boy. mamma"
Why do you wish that you were a
boy, Catherine? ' asked the mother.
"Because I want to be a soldier and
wear a red coat and fire a gun and
ride on a horse"
But all soldiers do not ride horses,
you know. Only the cavalrymen and
officers ride. Do you think that you
would insist on having a horse?"
Yes. mamma I wouldn't wish to
be a soldier if I couldn't have a horse.
I should want the horse because I
could get away from the war quicker
on his back than I could if I had to
run on my own legs." New York
Times.
Privacy la Great Cities.
Nowhere, save in the wilderness
beyond the frontiers of civilization,
can such perfect privacy be enjoyed as
in a large city. The denizens of a
busy metropolis have enough to do in
attending to their own affairs. They
have no time to bestow on the doings
of their neighbors and tako no interest
in them. The curiosity of villages
and small towns is insatiable. Es
pionage is the main employment of at
least one-third of their inhabitants.
On the other hand, if a stranger takes
up his abode among them, he becomes
a center ot observation a target for
conjecture a standing topic of con
versation. New York Ledger.
The Famous Mohawk IrayerBook.
In 17159 Rev. John Ogilvie. assistant
minister of Trinity church New York,
had twenty-two Episcopal prayer-books
printed in the Mohawk language.
These few copies were crdered by him
to be bound in calf and gold and were
afterwards used us presents to particu
lar friends. I am unable to say how
many of these unique prayer-books
are now in existence; one thing is
sura however, any ono of them is
worth several times its weight in gold.
Mrs. John Ogilvio Koorback of Mys
tic, Conn., has. according to current
report been offered 800 for her copy
of the work, tho trustees of the Brit
ish museum being the parties who
made the offer. St Louis Republic
A Doubtful Blestlus.
The telephone is making the ladies
of Honolulu stouter. They used te
do their own shODDintr. marketing
etc. Now they send their orders by
telephone, and the lack of exercise
bas caused an accumulation of flesh.
TcstlBS Grata
It is by the thumb the miller tests
the character and qualities of the
grain he grinds; spreading the sam
ple over the fingers by a peculiar
movement of the thumb he gauges ita
value by the thumb iteeif.
Work a tka Haaaepta Oaaal.
Datzspobt. Iowa, May 9. The first
work on the Htaatpin caaal was done
Wedaeaday. The route is being
aleara far grsdinf- Coatracta for
jjiftwtfi wjulfe let ib a few days aad
wffkwtll be actively uaier way b
HE GOT THE HAMS.
is Uaela Xea Caald Ket Cea
Tletlac Hlaaself.
OP Unc' Ned" was up charged
with stealing four hams. They had
been found in his possession, and as
there was no way getting around that
Unc' Ned sought other means of de
fense. "Ya-as, youah honah,. I 'mit dat
dey was foun' in my house. But 'pon
my oaf, sah. I did'nt steal 'em."
Unc'- Ned" was a short thick-set
man, with bandy legs, a short beard
on his chin and an unctious smile,
which he now turned on 'his honah"
and the court room.
You see, youah honah. on de night
in question. I was walkin' home along
the railroa' track. ' It was purty dark,
sah. an' I couldn't see very fur. 'N'
den just all at once sah a man
'pearod befoh me. Lor"! I wa? fright
en', sah, lurrible frighten'. 'N' I
stoppe-d-d right stock-still, youah
honah."
And what did this man da Uncle
Ned?" inquired the judge.
"Well sah. I dunno wovver you"l
b'lieve it or no sah but dat mau hed
foh bundles under his ahm.'n' "'
-Which arm?"
"Foh God, sah I can't quite disre
member. but it must 've been hees or!
ahra. 'N den de man comes up w'ero
I was st-intlin' 'n he says, says ha
I nu Nod. heah's foh ham'ms.' 'N' I
'spoo youah honah now dat I see how
eberyt'iiig was. dey was de. foh hams
dat was purtiscated. sah. Now. w'en
dat man says, -Heah's foh hams. ' I
didn't say nothiu'. De might be foh
hams, an' de mightn'. but dat didn'
'sider me. But w'en he went on 'n'
says, Say. Unc Ned. you take dese foh
hams home 'n' keep dem foh me till
next week, 'n' I'll gib you two o' 'em.'
co'se I took 'em lak any colohed gent
'men would. But how do you 'spose
dat I c'd tell dey was stolen hams. sab.
is what I w'd lak f know?" And thus
Unc' Ned concluded his defense, and
took his seat, assuming a very grieved
expression.
"Describo the man who met you
and told you to take care of the hams
for him. " said tho judge.
"Waal" said Unc' Ned slowly,
cocking one eye and looking up at the
ceiling to help bis memory, "it's put
ty ha-hd to say. youah honah. fur it
was dahk; turrible dahk. But ez near
ez I kin recollec' he was a short thick
set sort of a man." (speaking very
slowly) "wid kindah bow legs, putty
big. wid a bea'yd on hees chin, 'n' ez
near ez I could see he was kindah
dah-kk complected " describing him
self as accurately as any ono could
have dona
Then there was a roar in the court
room, says tho Minneapolis Tribune,
but -Unc' Ned" was finally acquitted,
as no one could prove that he had
committed the theft
MEN WHO BLOW OUT THE GAS.
Are Not Prod acts of the Paragrapher'a
Brain Th Prize Hijrseed.
"Well, said a clerk in a Jersey City
hotel to a Mail and Express reporter,
you would be surprised p see some
of the countrymen who come into this
town. Most of our customers are cat
tlemen. Many of them eome on all
the way from the far West with con
signments. People think those para
graphs about blowing out the gas are
written up in newspaper offices. Why,
I tell you wo have to watph for that
very thing all the time. We send a
watchman over the house every fifteen
minutes during the night and it av
erages three times a m nth that he
finds a room with the gas blown out
1 struck the funniest experience,
however, about two weeks ago. The
watchman came down and said gas
was escaping from No. 33 . I rushed
up and knocked at the door. After
repeated rapping the old 'jay.' in a
voice that sounded as though he had
all the bed clothes over his head,
yelled: 'G'way frm hera now. I
don't want no foolishness.'
The gas is turned on in your
room.' I shouted. Open the door.'
Open nothin.' he yelled back.
O'way frm there.'
I put my shoulder to the door, and
with a crash the lock smashed and the
door flew open.-
'What in thunder did you do with
your gas blow it out?' I asked.
Na' he replied, -I didn't blow the
gas out I knew better than that'
-Then how did it come to be turned
on. as I found it?'
WelL I s'pose 1 didn't quite un
derstand the durn thing. When I got
ready to go to bed I turned it off all
right 'nough. Then I lit it again to
get the hang of workin' it Then I
put it out again, and just as I did so I
thought now I'll have a time finding
that measly t-"ndle in the dark and
turn it on when I get up. So, before
I went to bed I jiat turned it on stfa
to nave it all ready to light when I
got up.'"
He Gave the freight.
Patrick was an employe in a gro
cery where the scarcity of help had
compelled the grocer to take in an
assistant who was entirely without
experience. One day the grocer, in
weighing out a purchase to a custo
mer, searched about the scales for
romothing.
"Patrick!" he called out "Where's
the pound weight?"
-The pound weight is It Sure it's
Misther Jones that has the pound
weight"
Mr. Jones has it? What do you
mean?"
An sura didn't yer tell me to be
perlite to the regular customers?"
Of course."
"Welt thin! Misther Jones comes
in the next day for a pound of tay.
An' says ha when I axed him what
quality o' tay he wud hava 'Whativer
ye give ma' says ha -give me the
weightr So I putt in the pound
weight in the package wid the tay.
perlite like an' it's himself that's gone
wid it!" Youth's Companioa.
Afraid He Woalst flUaa
There was a pistol duel between
Smith and Jones. Jones fired and
missed Smith, whereupon Smith raised
his weapon to take aim and said pleas
antly to his opponent:
"Jones, would you be so kind as to
step a little nearer, as I am short
sighted, and I don't want to miss you
if I can help it"
The World' Popalatloa.
Europe's population on Jan. 1 was
380,200.000. The population of each
of the other continents was estimated
as follows: Asia, 850.000,000; Africa,
127.000,000; Australia. 4.730,000;
North America, 89.250.000; South
America, 36.420,000; polar regions,
300.000. The total would then be
1,787,600.000.
Utile Bar.
He must have been a very bright
boy. a very bright little boy, who said
to his mother: "I wish a lion would
eat me up."
Why?" tho mother asked.
Because it would be such a joke on
the lion; he would think I was inside
$t him, and I should be up in heaven."
The Chicago, Milwaukee & St Paul
By is the only line running solid vest
ibuled, electric lighted ana steam heated
trains between the Missouri river and
Chicago, consisting of new palace sleep
ing cars, elegant free reclining chair
cars, luxurious coaches and the finest
dining cars in the world. The berth
reading lamp in its palace sleeping' cars
is patented and cannot be used by any
other railway company. It is the great
improvement of the age. Try it and be
convinced. Close connection in union
depot at Omaha with all trains to and
from the west. For further particulars
apply to your ticket agent, or
i F. A. Nash, Gen'l Agt.
W. S. HowKiii
Traveling Fr't. and Pass. Agt,
20jantf 1501 Fnrnam St, Omaha, Neb.
The wisdom of him who journeyeth, is
known by the line he selects; tho judg
ment of the man who takes tho Bur
lington Route to the citie of the east,
the south and the west, is never im
peached. Tho inferenco is plain. Mag
nificent Pullman sloopers, elegant re
clining chair cars and world-famous
dining cars, on all through trains. For
information address tho agent of the
company at this place, ir writo to J.
Francis, general passenger and ticket
agent, Omaha. 52-12
A. O. IT. V.
The supreme lodgo of the Ancient
Order of United Workmen convenes at
Helena, Montarfh, June 15th, 1892. For
this occasion tho Union Pacific System
will soil tickets to Helena and return at
the low rate of one first-class fare for tha
round trip. Tickets on sale June 7th to
14th, limited to 30 daysf rom date of 6ale
and 10 days transit limit in each direc
tion. For tickets or additional informa
tion apply to J. K. Meagher, agent U. P.
System, Columbus. 52-4-5t
The MetlimliHt General Conference.
For the accommodation of those de
siring to visit Omaha during the session
of tho Methodist General Conference,
tho Union Pacific will sell tickets at one
and one-fifth fare for the round trip
front all poiuts on its line within 200
miles of Omaha. Tickets on sale May
2, 4. 7, 11, 14, 18, 21, 25, 28 and 30, inclu
sive, limited to one week from date of
sale. For tickets or additional informa
tion apply to J. K. Meagher, Agent U. P.
System, Columbus. 3-3t
CARTERS
ITTLE
IVER
PIUS.
CURE
Belt Werimehe and relieve all tho troubles i
dent to a bilious state of the system, such aa
Dizziness, Nausea, Drowsiness. Distress after
atlng. Pain in the 6Me. 4c While their moas
nmaxtabte success has been shown la GSiiag ,
SICK
Headache, yot Carter's Litue liver Pine aw
equally valuable in Constipation, curing and pis
Tenting this annoying complainVwhUe they alee
coxrcctalldlsonlorsofthostozaach Simulate the
UTerandregulatoUiebowek. Xvaaiztaejaabj
"HEAD
'AelatherwonldbeclmostprieelentoUioMwaO
eufor from this distressing complaint; butfortu
sately thel r goodness docs notena hereand those
Whoonce try them will find these littlo pills valu
able !n bo many ways that they will not be wil
ling to do without them. Bat after ell tlet bm
ACHE
'lathe bane of ao many Urea that here la where
womake our great boast. Oarpulacoreltwhila
ethers do not.
Carter's Little Liver Puis axe very small ana
very easy to take. One or two pills make a dose.
They aro strictly vegetable and do not gripe or
pnrpe. but by their gentle action please all who
usothem. In vials at 25 cents; Ave for $L Sold
tr druggists everywhere, or sent by maiL
CARTER MEOIOINK CO., New York.
SMALL FILL. SHALL DOSE. SMALL PfUCE
pd$n"jtiiiU
VeToH!
PHYSICIANS COULDNT CUBB HIM. 10
8sD4Msriux, Hamilton Co.. Ohio, Jane. 69.
One bottle or Pastor Koenig's Nerve Ionic
eared me entirely, after physicians had tried
It unsucceflfully for 8 months to rrllerc me
sf nervous debility. W. ICCENXEFELD.
Alamosa. Col.. Jan. to.
My wifj was troubled with nervousness
about onej ear before she look Pastor Koe
nig's Nerve 1 onic, and at that time h;nl very
setere attack of sodtnix, convulsions, iuiu
poind in different parts of Ihe budy. AVi.en
in tliif tittj Ucr lover jaws would act vio
lently and feet KO'uothues. bito hr to.icue,
breathe heavily, i!nn short, th i 5ooi:tt to
Jtop entirely, petu u iM lookia hr cjrsnml
rolling nxuuix,. then hi oi Horn timet, rwmlU
tako -'men touoiil h t in 1.-'. nfK-r'VviEc h-r
b.xly would cramp and 1imi .'uriilioins. Hiu
took but two bottli-a tif :Iie Nerva Tonic
which cured her entirely of u!UIi.-Hotrintm x
which my sell and wife gladly testify, it truly
had the desired effect.
1). S. Vf -
FREE
A Valuable Book ea Nervosa
Diseases sent free to any address.
ana poor pauents can ai60 oDtaia
this medicine free of cbaixe.
This remedy has been prepared by the Borer
end Pastor Eoenig. of Fort Wayne.Ind since VSK.
and Is now prepared under his direction by the
KOENIC MED. CO., Chicago, III.
Sold br Druggists at 91 per Bottle. 6 foe
C l4uveSIxe.ai.75. 0 Bottles for 99.
nsrataat Trn k Co. faatn,
and Marled me. I worked iteadily aad made money hater
tama vxpvcieu to. a oecame aoie 10 Day an Miaaa ana Dane
aamalliammerbotel. Ifi don' t tacceed it that, I will go
to work amin at the bntineaa in which 1 made my musty.
'1'roe fc Co.; Shall we instruct and start yon. raaderf
If wo do. and if yon work industrlontly. yon will in due
time be able to boy an island and build a hotel. If yon wieh
to- Meaey can be earned at oar stw line of work. rap
Idly and honorably, by those of either sex. Joanr. or old.
and in their own localities, whererer they lire. Any en
can do the work. Easy to learn. We furnish everything No
risk. Yon can derotayoar spar momenta, or all yoir Urn
to the work. This entirely new lead bring wondcrfal toe
cejato erery worker. Beginners are earnine from SCS te
PJ week and npwards. and more afters little epe
BSSSJ, Jf t,n f'irnish yon the employment weleachyoo
'JC.E. This it an ace if marrelons thing, and her is
another great, utefal. wealth giringwonder. Greet galas
J rw,r(1 T,rT industrious worker. Wherever yea are.
and whatever sou are doinp. yon want t knew sboat this
wonderful work at once. Delay means much money lest to
""-... P?t" " epiain nere. oot ir yon wui wnt to as.
we wilt make all plain to yon FREE. Iililiese
aswaex ejas.. a
niiartUn flsurlMi
AHMy far
OAVKATS.
I TliaM aMaHCS.
saara.ASS saawsran
faOPVHMHTS. at.
annnr a co an bboadwat. Haw tobk.
OjasstharaaaiorsaearpataaHsto aaastlcs.
Srstr attest tsaam oMtrjastobaxNaBfoc
laaatecbyaBiMaaTaalrBatoiBiaiaaUia
frientrfir; wtriran
cfa-ealatloaof
1P
ma
I
H
le;.'VsV - evaaw
D
ML WA j
i HssaaRaaaa5Baaaaaaie
a ar aaaTr-"ar ai lse
BaaaaEwaaaaaaaaaaaasBssaK
CaterarfataarX
ijnjE
THE
Bit Show Coming to
It has gained "The glorious word of popular applause its worth is warrant for
its welcome." The fame-crowned
LEMEN BROS.
COLOSSAL SHOWS !
The oldest, largest, richest combination of Menagerie, Museum, Triple Circus
Huge Hippodrome, Realistic Wild West show, Trained Animals, and Spe '
cial Features the world ever looked upon, will exhibit
afternoon and night at usual hours at
COLUMBUS, MAY 23.
fTaTet frtJaWAafr v tj'Vi tifrBiiaviaaaaraasaaaaaaaaaa iTTImaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
fSi-KKtKtetBBSi Hfl0GaaaaaaaV H
y- . ' - "" aaasgTaaaaaaaaaaaaaawsaaaaaTsat "aaaaaraaaaTrai "" ESaaaaaaaaaaaaaaau-. F 1
--vsniS3$l
&-y-3Jsalaa
rSr- " PWiMsPWfcryjaaaja aaajgBLjaPBBflSiaaailPJP
A Big Feature
JUST FOUND !
RAJAI
THE
THE
THE
THE
Secured at a cost of over S'23,000. A Towering Giant among his fellows. The
very Lord of Beasts. Taller! Longer! Weighs More! Costs More than
any elephant over captured alive or brought from his native jun
gle! KAJAII is on exhibition at all times in the Big
Tent. No extra charge. One ticket admits to
all the advertised shows.
900
WILD BEASTS
IN THE ENOBMOUS
MENAGERIES.
DAILY EXPENSES $2,500, RAIN OR SHINE.
First appearance under canvas of the world's
moat illustrious lerialists, tho
CORLISS SISTERS
in their thrilling "Leap for Life." 15 Acting
Clowns, Tokio Troupe Japanese J uiMlers.
Four -:- Trliiel -:- IClepliuntn.
SO.OuOStnd Performing Morses, Canine Circus,
Bicycle and Skatorial Achievement,, ten tiiuea
tho largest and beat circus ever exhibited.
$1,000,000 Invested in
CyThirty cars, two Trains, owned by the
round trip excursion on all linen of travel.
ThePlatte
Institute.
Board, Room. Kent and Tuition for Term of Ten
Tuition alone, tier Term
Board, jtcrueek
Total Kxpeiises for On- Wnr
A larye. .-trul superior F.ic :ity of exporlenxd Teacher and I'rofes-ors.
Htadcuti uiuy ulc: at a i time aud find c'oJes suited to Ilicir utedt and dvaocast
CALENDAR. - t
Fall Term Opens Sept. 6, 1892.
Second Fall Tarm Opens Nov. 15- 1892.
Winter Term Opens Jan. 24-. I -93.
Spring Term Opens April lO, la93.
THE PLATTE INSTITUTE has been established fur the purpose of placing a liberal
education within the reach of ALL.
It will cont you lews t.. ... to stay at home.
An opportunity will be afforded a number of student to pay all or a part of their expeuaes by
work.
Send in your application nt once.
This school is under the jurisdiction of Kt. l.Vv. Anson K. Gravet, Uitdiop of the Diocese oT
tbe I'latte.
KKKEKEXCES: HUhop Anson IL Graves, Kearney, N'eb. V. C. TilUou, Cuahier Keariwy
Natioiril liuuk. L. N. Mowry, Sec'y Midnay Land Co.
Write for particulars nnd information to
CLARENCE A. MURCH, Sup't.,
KEjfiLPUSTEY,
WHY 18 THE
W. L DOUGLAS
S3 SHOE CEMfP&rH
WE BKST8HOC II THE WOMI FM THE MONET?
. It Is a seaasless aboa. with no tacks or wax thread
IO hart thafeet: mada oT tho heat flim -alf u.n,h
aad asy. aad oeeauas tew atak mora aaors othf
eradsUuMn any othtrmannfaeturtr. It equals oaad-
sowed saoas coaUna troaa atxo to s&oa.
MM Genalae Haariewes tha finest calf
shoe ever offered for 13.00: squala French
afeaported shoes which cost from ainn to $OM.
HaaaVSewew Welt Saae. floe calf,
a stylish, comfortable and durable. Tbe beat
ver offered at this price ; same grade as cas-toaa-BBade
shoes costing- from L0u to IBM.
mtt Fallee Maaet Farmers. Railroad Kea
9a and Letter Carrleraall wear them; Hnecatf.
less, smooth inside, heavy three, soles, axtea.
eda-a. One oalr will wear a Tear.
tO laecairi no better ahoe ever offered at
this price; one trial will convince those
who waat a shoe for comfort aad service.
m 35 aasl . Warklaaaaaaw shoes
are.Tery strong; aad durable. Those who
have given them atrial will wear no other maki
BftVC' 'Mt "' J1?3 school shoes
BVJ9 .worabytheboysevervwhereithei
Boy:
otaermaKe.
I aHa
aajsaaiy uongoia.Terysty
ted saoea costing from auu i
lies XM. a&.M aiarf
toa&iii.
Sllltaillial llllllnmilTl StTllihanrlimK
91.72 shoe for
Camlaju-flM that W. L. Douglas name aad
rw mtw aaasspso vm saw uwhb oc eaca saoa.
V-TAKK NO SUBSTITUTE;
lasjet oa local advertised dealers rapplrtaayoa
WTX. BOVOLAH, Bracktaa. ttaasTSdBy
Wi. SHILZ, Olivi St., Coluibus.
lJulv'tl-3m
-COME TO-
Thi Journal for Job Work
. ALL KINDS.
i
.BBfPPHaW
SBBBBBBfeifc? in. na.
SBBBBBBBeT- in TJSBk
aKii: - -aasv
BBBBBBBBBkLz1 -4aSBBI
sbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbE?IVIbbbbK Vtrl
saSBBBBK flsBsffe- I
BBBaP'aBBBBBBBsaHa
BaBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBl
'"aafJBKarWLIsiJ Li-
, as the Increasing sales show.
S3.M. Haad-eewed shoe, beat
raell
Ush; equals Krenca
ONLY
Colnmbus tlis to.
in a Big Show !
JUST ADDED !
I (Hi EST BUTTE BREATHES!
BKUSEST BORN OF BRUTES!
BIOOEST BRUTE ALIYE!
BIGGEST FEATURE YET!
For tMKht years pTorj where mlmitlt'tt to be ttiu
mixtt coHtly ami colonial collectiou of rare atii
tnaUnnd binta in the imiverbo. Lofty-Hwuled
(iinitfitt. Polar loar, Rhinoceros, HiHirjotn
niU!, Mammoth Mandrills, Oatrichett, Sou Liodh,
lltige Uoa Constrictor, KuiiKaroo. Tigero, Leon
ards, Beunt, and an aviary comixwed of nearly
all the rare and beautiful bin In of the wholu
world. Kit trained animals.
COLOSSAL
3 RING CIRCUS !
200 ACIOKS.
.THIS GREAT SHOW.
show. See gold gleaming, gorgeous parade. Cheap
A Home School for Both Sexes.
Best and Cheapest School in the West.
New Buildings Throughout.
Steam Heat in AH.
Two Large Dormitories.
COURSES:
Preparatory, Normal, Collegiate, lliusiness. Short
hand aad Typewriting; .Music, Art.
Weeks
S 21)50
.................. .... n.00
1.05
1UO.0O
THE PRESS
(NEW YOllK)
FOR 189:2.
DAILY. SUNDAY. WEEKLY.
The Aggressiv Republican Journal
of the Metropolis
AHEWSPAPERFOR THE MASSES.
Founded December 1st, 1887.
Circulation over 100,000 Gopiis
DAILY.
Thk I'bws in the orimn of no furtion; pulh no
wires; ha no auiuionitiett to avenKO.
The most remarkable Newspaper Suc
cess in ieit york.
The Paras is a National Newspaper. Cheap
nowa, vulgar aenaationa and trash nnd no plac.
in Uie columDrt of Thk Pbehs
K-TH5-P?.KI8Tha'' th? brijrhteat Editorial pare ia
"S0?- Sparkles with point.
twenty page paper, covering every current topic
of interest.
The Pbemh Weekly Edition contains all the
good things of tho Daily and Hundav editions.
For thoee who cannot afford tho Daily or are
prevented by distance from early receiving it.
The Weekly is a splendid substitute.
AS g ADVERTISING MEDIUM.
The Pbess he no superior in New Yohk. "
THEPKE3S.
Within Ihe rraeh of all. The bett and chtupett
Xeicspaptr published in America.
Daily and Sunday, one Year
hix months
one " .. ..
Daily only, one lear
....5 00
... 2 50
45
.... 3 Ob
.... 10
.... 2 0(1
.... 1 GO
iwr wuuuw ,
Sunday, one Year
weeaiy rrcam, one iwtr
Send for The Press Circular.
riHtnlllA fl-MM AotBl. wl.IuI I
Liberal commissions.
Address,
TBE PRESS,
Potto Btoldlno, Park Row.
tfaUt -- HawYark.
1
iJ
Ai
f'-e!
.1
r
tw-
w
A
V
. .
4
Htu
Vff i-
-jHi
tifLj.
- i :-X-a
? -,.' '
t2a y
?.asx.
-V-i----- .
-a.