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About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 16, 1889)
r ? - UTTLE BREECHES. . lint co nroch oa reagtoe, I aev er alal bad ao abow; Bat Ie got a middlia'.. tight grip, ah; Ob the handful o' things I know. I doat paa out oo the prophets - Aad free wfli, aad that sort of thing: Bat I blfefe in God and the angels, Erer aesoa one sight laat spring. Ieoaw into town with aotae turnips, Aad any little Gate caa along Bo. 4-year-old in the county . Could beat him for pretty and strong; Peart and chipper and sassy. Always ready to swear aad fgbt- And IM larnt him to chaw terbacker 'Jest to keep his milk teeth white. The snow come down like a blanket Asl passed by Tasgarfs store; 1 went in Tor a Jog of molasses And left the team at the door. Tbey scared at something and started I heard oee little squall. And bell to split over the prairie Went team. Uttle Creeches, and aQ. HeD to split oyer Uieprmtriel . I was almost froze with skeer; But we rousted up some torches,, ' And torched for 'em far and near. At last we struck bosses and wagon. Snowed under a soft, white mound, Upbot, dad beat-but or little Gabs Ko hide nor hair was found. And here all hope soured on me Of my fellow critter's aid; I Jest flopped down on my marrow bones, Crotch deep in the snow, and prayed. By this, the torches was played out. And me and Isrul Fan Went off for some wood to a sheepf old That he said was somewhar thar. We round It at last, and a little shed Where they shut up the lambs at night. We looked in and seen them huddled thar. So warm and sleepy and white; And thar sot Little Breeches and chirped, As peart as ever you see, "I want a chaw of terbacker. And that's what's the matter of ma How did he pit thar? Angels. He could never nave walked In that storm. They Jest scooped down and toted him To whor it was safe and warm. And I think that saving a. little child. And bringing him to his own. Is a denied sight better business Toon loafing around the Throne. John Bay. A SECRET OF THE SEA. I suppose that by this time to-morrow we shall anchor in the hay," said Col Gray. "Yes. this Is the last of our pleasant evenings if the Ocean Greyhound is true to her promise," said pretty Mrs. Mor timer. It was a very pleasant evening, too, though chilly, as September evenings are apt to be on the Atlantic. A glorious full moon, extinguishing the stars and casting a glittering trail athwart the sea, scarcely ruffled by the gentle breeze that filled the 6ails and urged the flying vessel with soft murmurs. Most of the passengers were below, playing cards, or enjoying the music, of which an oc - casional strain floated up on deck, adding one more touch to the weird sweetness of the scene. A little group of four or five persons sat in the moonlight, chatting and watching the maneuvers of two or three stray couples, each seeking to monopolize that nook behind the wheel house, where the moon can be seen to the- "greatest advantage and a fictitious isolation encourages the interchange of sentiments as ardent as they are tran sient. "You will not bo sorry to exchange these pleasant evenings for something a little livelier though," exclaimed Mrs. Mortimer's niece, a brilliant creature whose magnetic vitality rang in her clear voice and scintillated in her rippling hair and flashing eyes. "After two years' hard study in Milan you can fancy how I feel at the near approach of New York and Newport!" "There s not much to keep one alive on the ocean trip nowadays," said the young man who Bat opposite her, and who liad been ramblingau over the globe for a year seeking adventures and finding none, and was now returning home, con vinced tliat wiiatever might happen to him. in the future, it could hardly be more interesting than the past. "This is ray first sea voyage," said the colonel, "and I have enjoyed it But I should be glad enough to see land again." "And I said the only member of the little group who had not previously spoken, "love the sea, and nave had many adventures on it, and am never tired of its sights and sounds." The speaker was a woman in the In dian summer of her life, sweeter and more beautiful than many a young woman, stamped as she was with the indelible traces of great joys and great griefs. "Tell us something. Mrs. Odell," cried Mrs. Mortimer's niece, imploringly. "I . know you must liave seen real tragedies shipwrecks and such tilings." "I have seen many tragedies and more than one shipwreck," she said, half re luctantly, "and if you like I will tell ' you an incident that happened on a ship that was wrecked when I was on my way to the Cape in it" Mrs. Mortimer drew her fur -cloak closer about her, and her niece sat down on a low stool, clasping her slender white hands round her aunt's knee, and rest ing her cheek upon them; the young tourist took up a position from which he commanded a good view of her pretty face, and the colonel settled himself with an air of interest. He was a good lis tener, remarkably so for a military man. Mrs. Odell began her story, accentuat ing by a slight but impressive gesticula tion Iter soft, rich voice and quiet de livery. "Several years ago ten or a dozen 1 was on my way to the Cape of Good Ilone in a sailing ship. My husband and children were living then all three are dead now hut I loft them in England to visit my parents, in Cape Town, and 1 went on a sailing slup, because 1 had been very ill and was ordered a vovage. There were but few passengers six or seven first class and some twenty emi grants in the steerage. Among the sa loon passengers was a very pretty young woman, scarcely 20, going out as gov erness to Australia. "We put in at Madeira and took on board two oassengers, for whom the captain's cabin was secured, a newly married couple, not long over their honeymoon. Everything becomes known on board. es)ieciauy during a long voy- age, and the young wife had a maid with hen who probably supplied all the details he knew and tilled up the gaps wtin iter imagination, it became Known, at any rate, within a few hours, that the lady was an heiress of immense wealth and the gentleman was the penniless younger son of a good family. The mar riage was much against the wish of the bride's family, hut she was just of age and perfect mistress of her property, and she had been married a few weeks before I met her, and had gone to Madeira, intending to spend the winter - there. It was quite a sudden freak, their coming on board, and could hardly have been the poor tiling's wish; for she was a wretched 6ailor, and for two or three days after we put to sea again she re mained in her berth, waited on by her maid and unnoticed by every one else. The husband was about 90, a very hand some and attractive man dark, tall, with a heavy black mustache and gleam ing white teeth, which were often enough seen, for he was a moat lively and agree able talker, full of wit and nonsense, with an amusing anecdote for every occasion, and generally the sort of man to be a prime favorite on board a sailing ship, wbeSs every one is sure to be bored more or less. Especially' was he attentive and considerate toward the ladies, and I -heard, though I did not see anything then, that the pretty governess usurped a largo portion of his care. This seemed natural enoagh, as she was alone, and most of us took a little extra notice of her on that -accoant. "Well, after a day or two the bride began to come on deck a little, and when she gained some flesh and color we could see bow pretty she was, and how full of ckarmingwajs. Another thing was soon easily seen abo, and that was that what- anigntbetbe state or ner nvsoana'a ne aunpjy worsnmea mm. WWMlllMaslllOMt with akamd of reverence, ana wnen ne. space sae listened with parted lips and glistening eyes, as though she heard the very angels auiging in heaven. It is 6ad enough to see such madness where it is mutual; but when, as is almost always the case, one gives all, and the other takes and (gives nothing well, well that's no part of my story. "I should sayfthat he was quite kind to her, and wrapped her up in shawls and made her sit in the deck house while he read to her, for fear she might take cold. But of an evening, when she had gone to her cabin, he would always return to the deck to finish his cigarma the little gover ness, who was as strong as a lion and not afraid of any weather, would be out there with him. leaning over the taffrail, and the two would stand there talking in low tones, until the officer of the watch sent them below. "We had been about a fortnight out from Madeira when the weather, which had been pleasant enough, though cold, changed suddenly, and we were driven by storms every way but the way we wanted to go. For several days the hatches were on, and none of the pas sengers were allowed on deck. Most of the ladies, myself among them, were ill, and the rest were too frightened to notice anything; but I was told afterward that the only woman who was neither sick nor terrified was the governess, and she seemed foy full of wild spirits, and keeping up a constant banter with the bridegroom, with whom she played at. cards half the day. "1 do not remember how long the storm continued; but just as we were beginning to take courage and pull our selves together a little, we heard one morning a sound that made our hair rise with new terror a peculiar, slow, regular clanking and a whisper went round that the slup had sprung aleak and the pumps were manned. On, you who have only made this luxurious voyage of a week cannot imagine the feelings of those who have been for days together in a strain ing, struggling ship, pitched back and ioixn ana irom siue o siue usrea cure on those tremendous waves, and then to hear, hour after hour, the dull, steady clanking that proclaims the presence of the enemy within the walls, gaining upon you hour by hour. "For two mortal days and nights those brave, indefatigable men struggled with the encroaching foe, while signals were hoisted and rockets sent up to attract passing ships. At last the captain came to tell us he had no hope of saving the ship, tliat the storm had abated, and that as soon as it was broad daylight he would get the boats out. lie begged us to take some food, and added, as he left the saloon: 'I hope, by God's help, to save every one; but remember, it is women and children first, and if any must stay behind, I shall remain with them.' "Nobody attempted to eat anything, but most of us went to our staterooms to secure such portable valuables as we thought it worth while to take, and then sat through the livelong hours waiting for the order to go out and trust our lives to those frail boats upon the tossing 6ea. The gradual sinking of the ship made her steadier, and, besides, the wind had almost subsided, and the heavy swell of the sea was being beaten down by the 6teady rain which began to falL "I was standing at the foot of the corn panion when the bride came out of her cabin, which was immediately behind me. She was deathly pale and her eyes were slightly distended, but otherwise was perfectly calm and collected. She had on a thick waterproof cloak and a woolen hood, and carried a little sachel in her hand. 'Where's your husband!' I asked. She made a little movement of her head toward the cabin. 'Heisse ctirincr some iinnortant naDers. she said. and, I think, she added, out her voice was almost inaudible, our marriage cer tificate and my wilL "At this moment the first officer came down the companion. 'Mrs. Odell,' he said, seeing me, 'there are but two ser viceable boats the others were injured during the storm. Come up at once and 1 will put you in the first. Oh, Mrs. Blank,' he added, seeing the bride 'come, too: I will try ana put you to gether.' " 'Sir! said the poor girl, 'I will not stir without my husband.' " 'Come, then,' he cried; there is no time to lose I will call your husband but go up stairs with Mrs. Odell, and I will bring him to you take her up, there's a good soul,' he added to me. I took her hand and almost forced her up, but further, than the top of the companion she would not move. "The sight that met us there was startling enougli. The ship had already sunk so low that I cannot imagine how the water kept out of the saloon; it seemed as if we could step on board the life boat that had already been manned and was raised by every wave almost to the level of the deck. All on board was perfectly orderly, except for the crying of one or two of the steerage passengers who were being separated from their male companions and passed into the boat. It was nearly full when the cap tain 6aw us, and grasping Mrs. Blank's arm. was about to liand her forward, when she wrested herself from him, and with sudden fury flashing over her face, exclaimed in a tone I can never forget: '1 can die here, if necessary, captain; but 1 will not stir without my husband.' "He did not say another word, but seized mi unceremoniously, and liefore I could draw my breath I was in the load ed boat. The painter was cut, and on great billow carried us many yards away. Then we lay to, to watch the second boat, and witnessed what was unseen by her occupants. She was full, all but a very small space, and almost every one was off the ship. 1 saw the young couple standing together, her bands clasped round his arm, and evidently re fusing once more to be saved without him. At the same moment the pretty governess darted forward and flung her self upon his other arm, evidently im ploring to be saved. A stentorian voice from the boat shouted: 'We can make room for two.' They evidently saw the wife's struggle to die with her husband, and were willing with true sailor like generosity to risk something to reward her heroism. I saw him clasp the girl with one arm and push his wife away, preparatory to making a spring. Then as she clung with agonized strength, he raised his cowardly fist and struck her full in the face. With an unearthly shriek she fell back as he sprang into the boat with the other woman in his arms. "The whole thing was like a flash of lightning, and as tbey cut away the boat, almost before she was clear, the ship sank slowly forward and went down head foremost, carrying the captain, the bride and about a dozen men to the bot tom of the sea. As the thrilling vibration of the nar rator's voice ceased there was a momen tary silence. Her excitement at the picture conjured up by memory commu nicated itself to the listeners, and at first no one seemed able to break the spell. At last the colonel spoke: "We are very glad to know that you were saved by ocular demonstration, Mrs. Odell; but how about that scoun drel and his companion in guilt; for she was every bit as bad as he; were they drowned? One could not help hoping 60, except for the sake of the innocent peo ple in the same boat." "No." said Mrs. Odell quietly every trace of her agitation had passed away now, and her tone was calm and inex pressibly bitter. "We were picked up a few hours after, having separated from the others in the fog; but they were also soon rescued by a home bound vessel, and carried back to England. There this loving husband proved his wife's death there were plenty of witnesses, though none had seen his brutal act, and most Tbelieved, as I afterward heard, that she was left behind by mistake. He then proved her will, which he had car ried off the ship with him, and which had been executed in Madeira within a month of her marriage, leaving him every cent of her immense wealth. Her rela tives, I understood, made an attempt to upset the will, but without success, but before she had been six months dead, he bought an elegant villa near Florence, and married the rescued governess. I never saw him after that, but I have reason to believe he is living and pros- ."IiojMwf TWMYftr sawaJs wtm (eatnxr stsKea cne JUSOe, OiOv&E fully. "Yes," said Mrs. Odell, slowly, "I have seen her quite recently." "Your story was really quite too inter esting. Mrs. Odell," murmured pretty Mrs. Mortimer, rising languidly facial her steamship chair. "You quite martens forget how late and cold it is getting. Thanks, so much. Colonel, may I trouble you for that shawl? 1 think I will go down now. Come along, Svbille. A de- main, gentlemen. Mrs. Odell good night." The eyes of the two ladies met as she moved away; but eyes tell no tales, and some women can keep a secret. Drake's Magazine. Charlotte Taakasaa's UtTtt Probably the most conspicioos examplr today of now a woman may climb the dramatic ladder in the old orthodox way is Miss Cora Tanner, who has been starring throughout the country with in creasing success for four or five seasons. She began her theatrical education at the age of 14, in J. H. McVicker's Chicago stock company, which included at that time such people as Charlotte Cnshman, Lucille Western and Adelaide Neilson. Miss Tanner was not slow in taking ad vantage of her opportunities to study under those mistresses of the dramatic art, and her devotion to the simple duties of the beginner was soon noticed. One day Miss Cushman called her to her side and said: "Cliild, do yon wish to become an act rcflB? "Oh, of all things. Miss Cuahman." replied little Cora. "I see you are attentive, continued the great tragedienne, after a careful survey of the girl, "and 1 believe you have talent. Study! and try to forget you are pretty." This warning impressed Miss Tanner deeply and she never forgot it. When not actively engaged in her profession she applied herself to the acquirement of those accomplishments which adorn womanhood, and which are especially valuable to the actress. To these meth ods she owes her success, though it would be idle to say that her beauty has not aided her to a considerable ex tent New York Tribune. Tussle with a Catamount. While George Hardy and his son, a lad of 13, were hunting opossums in the wuoueu country ttujuuuug lk.-uuci.hj mills, their dogs treed what was sup posed to be one of the animals they were hunting. Hardy lit a torch and sta tioned the boy some distance off, and approached the tree to get a shot at the beast, when be was horrified to see the animal springing through the air di rectly toward his 6on. It struck the lit tle fellow and bore him to the ground, its claws, clutching in the clothing on i his shoulder, tearing'away a iarge chunk of flesh. Mr. Hardy rained heavy blows on its back and head with a club. The catamount left the boy and sprang at 4 the man, its teeth fastening in the heavy 1 lapel of his overeoat, which was but toned closely about the neck. It would ' have seized his throat but for the heavy goods warding off the attack. By this . time the dogs had seized the beast and t dragged it to the ground, where, after a hard battle, in which the dogs, Hardy i and the boy all joined, it was dis patched. The boy was terribly scratched about the shoulder and left side of the face. The father escaped with the loss of his overcoat and a few deep cuts on his chin and jaw. The catamount meas ured nearly five feet, and is one of the heaviest animals of its kind ever seen in ; this section. Portsmouth (O.) Cor. Cin- i cinnati Enquirer. j Minerals or Utah, j Besides tliat immense, limitless maga zine of salt, the Great Salt lake of Utah. ! and the precious metals, there are other curious and valuable deposits among the mineral resources of Utah, which if worked would be found almost inex haustible, and add largely to tho wealth of our country. There are some recently discovered veins of alum which are eighteen inches thick and several hun dred feet in length, of dazzling white ness, and almost perfectly pure. Nat ural mineral wax, or ozokerite, a rarity elsewhere, is found m Utah in great ; quantities, it is a perfect insulator, and would probably be a valuable insulating material for electrical appliances. Be sides this, it is proof against air, acid or water, and thus would be of value for many purposes. Gilsonite is a similar discovery, and contains about 80 per cent, of carbon or pure asphalt. Beds of niter have also been found, and quan tities of sulphate of soda, blown on shore J from trie ureat bait lake at certain tem peratures. Hundreds of tons are often piled up in this way in a single night, and might be used in producing sal soda and carbonate of soda, at a very trifling expense. DemoresL Baised by Dead Cattle. A somewhat remarkable thing took place in the river just below Evansville, Ind., last week. A few days since the steamer Robert B. Carson collapsed and sank in forty feet of water, together with thirty head of cattle confined on the lower deck. For two or three days an effort was made to raise the boat, but the project was abandoned. On Satur day morning, however, to the surprise of the harbor boats, the pilot house and hurricane deck of the Carson suddenly appeared above the water. When a crew was sent down the steamer was floating along, upheld by some mysterious agency. This was subsequently traced to the cattle themselves, whose bodies had become inflated by gases generated in the carcases and actually had lifted tho steamer to the surface. Chicago Times. An Earnest Whist Player. A gentleman in Brussels has shown unusual enthusiasm for the game of whist. In the course of a game his part ner trumped the trick which he had al ready won by deep calculation and skill. Instead of swearing, as a gentleman would ordinarily have done in such cir cumstances a few times, he gave his un lucky partner twenty stabs in the ribs with a long knife and left him dead. This didn't cool his ardor for the game, for later in the evening he was found quietly playing in another cafe with some . other friends. When his second partner learned the facta be expressed great sat isfaction that the game should liave been interrupted by the police, Cor. New York Sun. Three Things to Do. I recall what Count Tolstoi said as to the political outlook. I put the question to him, "Suppose the emperor were to ask you what he should do, what would you say?" He was silent for a-time; then he said, "I am praying to God to give me wisdom to make the right answer." Then, after another pause, he replied, "I would say: "Nationalize the land. "Declare absolute liberty of conscience, "And establish the liberty of the press. "If he did these three, all the rest would come right." W. T. Stead in New York Mail and Express. The First la Mississippi. Mrs. Adelia M. Hillman, at the State Teachers' institute at Jackson, Miss., was made a member of the state board of education by acclamation, and is the first woman in Mississippi to whom tliat honor has been accorded. Mrs. Hillman has been distinguished in Mississippi for more than thirty years as an educator, and has done much for the higher education of women. New Orleans Picayune. Xever to Go Again. A fact in relation to the death of Washington, not generally known, may be stated. The day after his death the clock in tho Masonic lodge in Alexan dria, of which he was a member, was set at the hour and minute of his demise. Then the clock was stopped, and it has never been permitted to run, nor have the hands been moved since. Washing ton Star. Bis Crawassc Eaert. "Ah Lionel, that poem is beautifuir "Yes, Agatha, it is the crowning effort of my life "And, Lionel my Lionel! it will bring youfame, eternal fame, will it not?" 'Ywl,AftlMr-HUKirjerlMps3."TJfa, HE DANCED AT HER WEDDING. I danced at her weddinc last night, And none could have guested my eaaotioa As I saw her a bride bar oa whom I bad lavished a lifetime's devotion. I danced at her wedding. Why not? Having lived through tae scene at the altar. When the knot was tied fast for all time. Do you think that my courage would falter? I danced with as lightsome a step, With a face as unmoved as the next one; He must be a fatuous fool Whom crises like this could expect one. Though a tumult were raging within. To betray to onlookers his passion r I dont wear my heart on my sleeve That sort of thing isn't my fashion. I danced so did she. Though m swear. For a fact, that I hardly know whether I stood on my heels or my bead When wa went wildly whirling together. When her breath was as sweet on my cheek As the blossoms of orange she carried. We danced till folks said 'twas bad taste, Since I was the fellow she married! -Boston Globft. MR. STATISTIC. It was some time after midnight when, weary with overwork and all a-flutter with nervousness caused by too close ap plication to the task of smoking my twniy-live cigars a day, I climbed the rirtety rtairsof my tenement and opened the crl'aLhig door of my apartment on the top Moor. In the dark I felt around on t!i Uihlc for a match. None was thrtv. V.V'l. I ran goto IkhI without a light," I tli:)t:.".ht. unrf proceeded to remove my clothing. I was nearly ready for bed when I thoirOa 1 h'.r.ril a noise as of some one hnv.lliing heavily. 1 stood very still and lt:;!t'm-;l ar. Ijcst 1 could against the thumpini r.T my frightened heart. Yes, I Inv.nl breathing, and the breather, was hi my nu:i. " I am never too courageous in the dark, not even when my nerves are calmest. There is always a feeling in my soul that some unearthly creature is close behind me. I often feel his warm breath on the bacL of my neck, and when I do not I liave the same feeling that he is there impalpable, unassailable as the thin air, but there just the same. Now that my nerves were unstrung and my mind fa tigued with working over an intricate and elusive problem in mathematical cryptography I was even less courageous than usual. Tho breathing went on. I feared I should lose my reason. I seemed transfixed where I stood. Nothing but ray heart moved, and tliat pounded so loudly that I feared it would wake the breather: for I made no doubt tliat he was asleep, sinco Ids breathing was al most a light snore. I must find a match. I remembered that I had felt through all my pockets in vain for one with which to light my last cigar, and had finally taken fire from -the cigar of a man I had met on the street. I drew hard at the stump, which I still held between my teeth for I always smoke myself to sleep but it was out: out and cold. Softly as I could move in my stock inged feet I sneaked over to the table and made another search for matches. In my mind I laid the table top off in three 'inch squares, and then placed my hand on every square, one after another, until I was sure no match was there. This occupied my mind so fully that some of my fear was allayed. Fears do not stay in the busy mind. I became even bold enough to think "of putting on some of my clothing and going down stairs for a match. I turned from the table, but asl did so I struck the loose leg of it in such a way as to throw it out of place. A crash of glass announced to me that as the table had toppled over the lamp had been de stroyed. "What's that? Who's therer The came from the corner farthest from thi door. My first impulse was to run out of the room, but my first impulse is usu ally wrong. I am naturally unlucky. The thing I would do most naturally is the tiling most likely to bring mo -misfortune. I liave, therefore, habituated myself to doing just what my impulse tells me not to do. But for this I should liavo been dead long ago. "Ah," said the voice more calmly, "I must have fallen asleep." This reassured me. "Who are you?" I asked, and the sound of my own voice seemed to put courage into my heart. "What are you doing here?" I added before my first question could be answered. "I am Mr. Statistic, and I have been waiting here for you since supper time." "I do not recognize you by your name," I said, "and I cannot recognize you by your face, since I cannot see it" "Well," said he, "it doesn't matter. We can talk as well in the dark." "What do you wish to talk about?"! asced. "I want to prove to you that I am not crazy. The world says I am insane; but it is the world, not I, that has lost its reason. I am sound. That is why everybody is trying to kill me. They Sut poison in my food, they lay snares or me, they shoot at me, and send de mons to torment me, merely because they are jealous of my sanity. But I fight them off, and one of these days, when I feel just like it, I am going to 'kill them all off; and I've got a big knife right here in my belt and a pistol in my pocket, and poison all over me enough to kill every- My foar was cow of a tangible sort. Ghosts and goblins flew away and a real human being with implements of death confronted me. I began to think of cun ning tilings to do. Every time I spoke I quietly changed my location, so that if he 6hot at me or 6truck at me with his knife I should not be there. "You cannot see me, go I must tell you what I look like," he continued. "Just now I am a little, gray haired man, about five feet four inches tall, thin of features and very feeble. My eves are steel gray and my brows are sliaggy and long. Tliat is the way I look now. I can change myself, thouglu I can make myself eleven feet tall and stronger than -Hercules or Samson. I can tlirow down buildings and carry mountains away." "I am glad cf that;" I said, for surely I must humor him. . "I am clad of that. and I wish you would come around to morrow and see me. I ve got some mountains I want moved, and I'd. bo Iad to give you the contract." Then I lid over to another part of the room. "I can move them and I can move worlds, too. I've got a 6tring tied to every star and to tho sun and moon. I casrdo anything I want to." "Well, you're just the kind of a man I've been Wanting to take into partner ship with me," I said. "Couldn't you come up to-morrow when it is light? We will make out the articles of agreement." "I can see now. I can see in the dark. And that isn't all I can do. I ran make it light. lean bring the sun right' into this room, and stand it up there in the air. Now, you see. There! Don't you see how light it is now?' I had to see it. I should probably have had a knife run right through me if I had not. "And yet," said I, "there are fools who callyou crazy?" "xes, 6ir; mere are. That's what I came up here to talk about I want to show you how sane I am. Now, listen a minute. How long do you say it takes a woman to friz her front hair? "About ten minutes." "At what age does she begin to friz her hair?" "Well, her mother usually begins to do it up over her finger or in papere when she is about ayear old," I replied. "Exactly. Well, now, a woman frizzes her hair every day, doesn't she?" "I think she does." "Of course she does. And the average life of a woman is?" "About 35 years, I believe." "Precisely. Now, then, at ten minutes a day how much time does one woman spend in tliirty-five years frizzing her hair?" Imadea hasty calculation and said: "About ninety days." "Yes, sir; that's it Ninety days, three months. Now, how many women are there in this world?" "About 700,000,000," I guessed. "How much is three times 700.000,- optr Ttlsa.iuu.ooo.ooo," I replied. "And 2,100.000,000 months! How many years is that?" "It u 175.000.000 years." MTtiAra rnii nro aaM Iia trtrtmnhantlv? - . J - . 9 M.W ., ........j ..J , , "there you are! The women of our gen- j eration spend 175,000,000 years frizzing l.At. Ba2 Tj.mi lw 1.4 2a tl.Sa Aav4l " tWWit INUI, VV, liun V1U JO wunvwui. Some geologists say 9.000,000 years." curing a wife. The Kaffir woman is. to the digestive organs, it is AyersSar How many generations in that timer doomed to a life of toil and drudgery, ! sasrilla, Thousands all over the land This was a rather difficult mental problem for even me, but I worked it out "About 257,143 generations." I said. "Now multiply that by the number of years one generation uses 175,000,000." I did so. and made 45,000,025,000,000 years. "There, sir," said he, as he rose to go, "that's what I wanted to show you. I wanted you to kr.ow'that up to date the women of this world have 6pent 45,000,025,000,000 years frizzing their hair. Good night, 6ir; good night" Turning at the doer he said: "My name is Statistic, sir. I named myself. Just call for me when you want to know anything. Good night, sir." And Mr. Statistic clambered down the stairs, while I closed my door and pulled tho bed up against it Ben Wylde in Chicago Tunes. CARE )F THE FEET The Anatomy of the Feat Described by a Medical Mas. The purpose of the foot is for progres sion and support, sayB a physician in The Pittsburg Dispatch. As we go down the scale of animal life we find that the hind feet alwtiys differ from the fore feet So it is in man; the hand differs from the foot The anatomical construc tion of the foot in many ways bears a close resemblance to tliat of the hand. The foot is controlled by muscles which give us the ability to walk and stand. These muscles are often attacked by a disease, such as paralysis, and, as a re sult, we have the many malformations of the foot This is especially true in childhood, and, the bones being then soft, they adapt themselves to the dis eased muscles. As the child grows older the bones harden, and, as a result they uever can be cured. The destruc tion of these muscles gives to us the flat foot and the arched foot, which serve to distinguish the races. The more arched the foot the higher and more beautiful the race. The flat foot and projecting heel of the colored race are both due to the action of their muscles. Small feet are now considered beauti ful; but it was not always so, as you can notice, if you will study the statues of of German goddesses, which show a foot much longer than is considered desirable in this age. The great toe in your shoe should be exactly in line with the axis of the foot This must be so in order to have a grace ful walk. In walking, the heel is raised while the toes are cramped downward. When they are incased in leather and a lirm sole there must be some extra room in order to give freedom of motion. When the slice is tight in some places, it presses on muscles, and consequently they are not able to perform their proper functions. As a result, the great toe is drawn out of a line of the axis of the foot; some of the muscles are strength ened and others are weakened. As another result, the toe will be drawn per manently out of this axis and prove to be the cause of much trouble with our feet The inner side of the surface of the sole of a shoe should be almost a straighs line and the outer side curved. The shoes now made curve almost equally on both sides, and the curvature 01 the toe 1; greatly aided by tiie struct ure of the shoe. A shoe is not neces sarily advantageous because it is loose, as some portions or tne foot are able to stand great pressure, and thus relieve other portions which are weaker. The shoe should be loose about tho ball of the foot and about the toes. Different styles of shoes may be adopted for different exercises of tho foot. Shoes used for dancing may liave higher heels than those used when walking. A reformation in the making of shoes will never take place until some anato mist learns the trade of shoemaking and becomes an artist in that line, so that he may have an opportunity of studying the-practical as well as the theoretical side of the question. Die and Save Money. By dying now a man can savo.money. Never in the history of our distinguished profession has it been possible to secure a respectable interment for so small an amount of money as at present The in ventions and improvements which al ways cheapen commodities have, in our business, kept apace with the times. A decade ago there was not much differ ence in prices and methods. Now there is every difference. Ten years ago any funeral would average $150; now there i3 no average. A man can spend profhv ably $5,000 in getting planted, or he can have the thing done in pretty good shape for a week's salary, ana he'll feel just as satisfied as though he were investing a fortune in it Some people ore very ap prehensive concerning their funeral, and others don't think about it at alL If a man wants to liave the thing done prop erly, and go without a hitch, 960 will make a pleasant display in his neighbor hood. There has been a cut in rates among undertakers of late, and prices are at bottom rock. After a little the trouble will bejadjusted and the old scale restored. But our inducements at pres ent should not be overlooked. Now is the time to die. St Louis -Globe-Democrat Powerful Secret Orders. In the United States there are over 200 fraternal, benevolent, social, insurance, political, religious, temperance and other secret orders. Following is the official membership of some of the more promi nent American organizations: Free masons. COO.OOO; Odd Fellows, 530,000: Grand Army of the Republic, 830,000; Knights of Pythias, 210,000; Good Tem plars. 200,962; Ancient Order of United Workmen, 191,876; Knights of Honor, 124.756; the Royal Arcanum, 60.000; Im proved Order of Red Men, 64.000: Ameri can Legion of Honor, 61,664: Knights and Ladies of Honor, 49,200; Sons of Vet erans, 47,000; Ancient Order of Fores ters, 38,539; Daughters of Rebekah, 83, 858; Knights of the Golden Eagle, 90.000, and Order of Chosen Friends. 29,271. The total number of Masons in the world is estimated at 4,000,000. The total num ber of Druids in the world is 67,000. New York Telegram. Invented the Lactfcr Match. A German authority claims that lucif er matches were the invention of a political Srisoner, who perfected his idea within le walls of a jaiL Kammerer, the prisoner in question, on coming out of confinement began the manufacture of matches. Unfortunately the absence of a patent law prevented his rights from being secured, and an Austrian and other chemists analyzing the composition, imi tations speedily made their appearance. Between the lucifer match as originally made and the safety match that lights only on its own box, have appeared many varieties of matches. Tho safety match was invented in Sweden by a man named Lundstrom. The trade in matches has assumed enormous proportions, espe cially in Germany, where vast quantities are exported. Troy Times. The KaAr's Wooing. A Kaffir, having fixed his affections noon some female, acquaints his parents with his intentions. They apply to the girl's parents, and if the latter do not consent to the union a fight is inevitable. If the parents agree the next proceeding is to appoint two expert female negoti ators, who obtain access by strategem to the house, with the object of broaching the subject to the young lady.. They carefully avoid any sudden or abrupt mention of the awful subject of then mission, but launch out in praises of the man who seeks her hand. They speak of bis possessions, his courage ana ac complishments. The girl, pretending to bo affronted even at these remote hints, grows refractory and runs away, tearing the ringlets of her hair as she retires. The female embassadors, having got the consent of the parents, drag her from her concealment and carry her by force to the house of her destined husband and there leave her. She is compelled to live several dkrx.sikat.sjsd defected. rerusrog roca, mi ax tast, rr sina entreat ies do not prevail, she is made to submit by blows to the union. The Kafir who has the reputation of having committed a number of murders of Mohammetans enjoys exceptional privileges; he is re SDCCted by oil the neighborhood, and ex- neriences little or no difficulties in pro-1 and the husband can discard her when ever hefeels so disposed. CakuttaNews. Professor Proctor as Weather Prospects. The late Richard A Proctor, it ap pears, had no faith in the modern system of weather guessing, based on the so called science of "planetary meteorol ogy." or the appearance of the sun spots. Some years ago, while gtorm bound at Davenport. la., the professor was inter viewed by the editor of The Democrat, and reference U'ing made to that sub ject, he mid: "Oh. that is all humbug; you might as well try to tell where the largest wave or the greatest white cap will rise during a storm in mid ocean, as to localize storms by observing the posi tion of the planets or the size of sun spots. It cannot he doAe. Look at it a minute. You single out a very small portion of the earth, which ia a very small portion of our universe, and say the movements of the heavenly bodies will product such ami such conditions of weather in certain neighhorhiiod. region, state, continent! Tlie earth Isn't con cerned more titan any other planet The vast extent of untold millions of miles is narrowed down, localized, to an atom, as it were. No astronomical research justifies any such thing I have no pa tience with it" Cincinnati Enquirer. Incident of the Franco-Prasataa War. We breakfasted on a bit of chocolate cake and a sip of wine and a rank and rough cigar, and after a toilsome march. broken by the cliance that the telegraph wagons happened to be going our way a few miles, we reached Gone some min utes after 10 o'clock, and saw a French man hanging by the neck beside a well, his breast torn oy rifle shots a ghastly spectacle, to warn tho people that they must not pollute the water to prevent the German soldiery from drinking it We pushed on, a shade sickened by on object so repulsive. A beautiful bronze figure of an angel, the signal of the establishment of a benevolent sisterhood, appeared above low trees on the right There was a remote rattle of musketry in the same direction, and occasionally the grumbling', beyond wooded hills, of cannon. Murat Halstead in The Cen tury. The Ball Dec's Disposition. The bull dog is much more easy to cram ana control man is generally sup posed. I am convinced that he possesses quite as much brain power as any of the larger dogs. His npftearance is very much against his character for gentle ness and this lias caused people to shun and avoid him, eo that his disposition, however pleasant it may have leen orig inally, lias been made cross and savage by the treatment which he lias received, though heLsuvennowmuch less ferocious tlian lie'is lelieved to he. No dog is ca pable of greater affection tlian he, or shows more gratitude for any kindness. Pure high bred dogs of any kind are hard to train, for the reason that they are too high spirited. The mongrels of the street can be much more easily trained, because they can be much more easily controlled. Cor. Chicago Journal. The Same John. Marriage is not transformation. John will be as cross when he is hungry, as ! giuui wucii uisiruujjin wiui Dusmess anxieties, as uncomfortable when hi3 collar chafes his neck in a word, as human and as falliblo a John wedded as single. He is a good son and brother, Jetbetrothed Mary has heard him speak npatiently to his mother and tartly to his sister. He will, upon what he reck ons as sufficient occasions, be both pert and petulant with his wife when once the "new chy" has worn off. Were this not true he would be an angel, and angels do not wear tweed business suits and Derby hats, or have dyspepsia and smoke more than is wholesome for nerves and pocket Bills ore never presented to cherubim at most ingeniously incon venient times, and seraphim have no natural but thin skinned conceit that will not brook wifely criticism. Marion Harland. More Than lie Hoped For. Entering the shop of his tailor the other day, he said: "Sir, I owe you 10." "Yes, sir, you do." "And I have owed it for a year?" "You have." "And this is the fifth postal card you have sent regarding the debt?" "I think it is the fifth." "Now, air, while I cannot pay the debt for perhaps another year, I propose to protect my character as far as possible. Here ore twelve penny stamps. You can use them in sending me twelve monthly statements of account, and can thus save your postal cards and my feel ings at the same time." ' It is said that the tailor has credited the shilling on account, and feels that he has secured more of the debt than he had any reason to hope for. New York Graphic. One of the Richest Sovereign. The little princess of the Netherlands, when she becomes queen of Holland, will be one of the richest sovereigns, if not the richest sovereign, in Europe. The civil list of Holland, which is secured on the revenues of Borneo, is very large 3,000,000 per annum, it is said. The duchy of Luxembourg passes to the grand duke of Nassau, and then becomes a portion of the German empire, but the kingdom or Holland, not coming under the operations of the Salic law, descends to the king's little daughter. She is a bright, intelligent, clever child, with a good deal of character and determina tion. The marriage of tho king and queen, despite the disparity of eg.-1, has been a very hanpy one. London World, "dslca. It is very well to desire the good opin ion of our fellow men, but it is dangerous, as well as in bad taste, to angle for com pliments. .A conceited young lawyer made a "spread eagle" speech in a Missouri court, and falling in with the judge the next day, he said to him: "Good morning, Judge Lucas! good morning, sir! What did you think of my Uttle effort yester dayr "Ah," said the judge, "von are the young gentleman w1k addressed a jury In my court Yes, yes. Well, sir. your speech reminded me of a little yellow dog I have at home. When he wants to lie down, he starts and makes a circle, and round and round he goes, half a dozen times or more, and then he lies down at the very place he started from." Youth's Companion. It Waa DUsereat. Two men, while traveling on a rail way train, drifted in conversation from politics to literature. "I suppose," said one of the men, "that you like Ella Wheeler WOcox'e poetry?" "Well, I can hardly say. I used tc think that I admired her 'Poems of Passion,' but I have not read any of her writings since she was married." "Why, her work is really better now than ever before. Why did her mar riage cause you to stop reading her poems?" "Oh, well,, it may be a trifling peculi arity on my part Tho fact is I married her. My name is Wilcox, you know." "Well, I am glad to meet you, Mr. Wilcox. I can well understand that which you are pleased to term a trifling peculiarity. Now, I onre admired Amelie Rives, but I dont read her any more. 1 married her, you understand."- Arkan saw Traveler. Aa Abselate Care. The ORIGINAL ABIETINE OINa MENT is only put up in large two-ounce tin boxes, and is an absolute cure for old sores, burns, wounds, chapped hands and all kinds of skin eruptions. Will positively cure all kinds of piles. Aak for the ORIGINAL ABITINE OINTMENT Sold by Dowtr A Becher at 25 cents per J box Try man ao osntf, aiar7y It is Absurd For people to expect a cure for Indiges tion, unless they refrain from eating what is unwholesome ; but if anything will sharpen the appetite and give tone testify to the merits of this medicine. Sirs. Sarah Burroughs, of 248 Eighth street, South Boston, writes : " My hus band has takes Ayer's Sarsaparilla, for Dyspepsia aad torpid liver, aad has been greatly benefited." A Confirmed Dyspeptic. C. Canterbury, of 141 Franklin at., Boston, Mass., writes, that, suffering for years from Indigestion, he was at last induced to try Ayer's Sarsaparilla and, by its use, was entirely cured. Mrs. Joseph Aubin, of High street, Holyoke, Mass., suffered for over a year from Dyspepsia, so that she could not eat substantial food, became very weak, and was unable to care for her family. Neither the medicines prescribed by physicians, nor any of the remedies advertised for the euro of Dyspepsia, helped her, until she commenced the use of Ayer's Sarsaparilla. "Three bottles of this medicine," she writes, " cured me." Ayer's Sarsaparilla, raKTASKD BT Dr. J. C. Ayer & Co., Lowed, Mass, Pries $1; six bottles, $5. Worth $5 a bottle. This is theTop of the Genuine Pearl Top Lamp Chimney. Allothers, similar arc imitation. This exact Label is on each Pearl TooChimnev. a A dealer may say and think he has otners as pood, E'JT IIC HAS NOT. Insistupcnthc ExAct Label tr d Top. Fa SAIE LVERrSKtCS. ?.: OSiY BY 8FQ. A. MAGSETH Kn . iHfir& Ps For "run-down," debilitated and overworks! women. Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription is the best of all restorative tonics. It is a potent Spedflo for all those Chronic Weaknesses and Diseases peculiar to Women: a powerful, gen eral as well as uterine, tonic and nervine, it imparts vigor and strength to the whole system. It promptly cures weakness of stomacb.nsusea. indigestion, bloating, weak back, nervous pros tration, debility and sleeplessness, in either sex. It Is carefully compounded by an experienced physician, and adapted to woman's delicate organization. Purely vegetable and perfectly harmless in any condition of the system. ftaToriio rreacnaw tlem" is the only medicine for women, sold by druggists. ader a vaalslve ansar aartee of satisfaction In every case, or price SUK refunded. This guarantee has .been printed on the bottle-wrapper, and faithfully carried out for many years. For large, illustrated Treatise on Diseases of Women (160 pages, with full directions for home-treatment), send ten cents in stamps. Address. World's Dispxxsabt Medical Association. 663 Main Street. Buffalo, N. T. CATARRH Ely's Cream Balm Clcanssa tho ITcsal Passages. Al lays Inflammation. Heals tho Sores. Bestorcs tho Senses of Tasto, Smell and Hearing. A partlels hi applied lataeacfcHesrrfl mmi la asreeahle. Price 5Qc. at Drasaista or ty asaJl. ELY BEOTnEES3 Wancn St. .New York, Sooths aad Heals. SANTA ABIE sooths and heals the membranes of the throat ami luns, when poisoned and inflamed by disease. It prevents night sweats anil tightness across tho chost, cures colds, croup, asthma, coughs, bronchitis, pneumonia, whooping-cough anil all other throat Lnd lung troubles. No other medicino It bo successful in curing nasal catarrh .- CALIFORNIA CAT-R CURE. The t.-jormous and increasing demand for .liese standard California remedies con Grm their merits. Sold and absolutely guaranteed by Dowty & Becher at $1 a package. Three for 82.50. Tho soul needs few things, the body many. ConsasiBtioB Sarely Cared. To the Editor Please inform your readers that I have a positive remedy for the above named disease. By its timely use thousands of hopeless cases have been permanently cured. I shall be glad to send two bottles of my reme dy free to any of your readers who have consumption if they will send me their express and post office address. Respect fully, T. A. Slocum, M. C, 181 Pearl street, New York. 30y Foolish-tongues talk by the dozen. English Spavin Liniment removes all hard, soft or calloused lumps and blem ishes from horses; blood spavin, curbs, splints, sweeney, ring-bone, stifles, sprains, all swolen throats, coughs, etc. Save 850 by use of one bottle. Warranted. Sold by C. B. Stillman, druggist, Co umbue. C-ly True praise roots and spreads. "Age Caaaot Wither Her," remarked an old gentleman, as he gazed fondly upon the comely little woman by his side; "but frankly," he continued, "at one time I was afraid cosmetics would." The silly little woman, in or der to appear youthful, plastered her face with different kinds of whitewash, yclept "balms," "creams," "lotions," etc. "Yes," interrupted the little woman, "I did, until "my skin became like parch ment, and so pimply add coarse." "Well," said the listener, "what do you use now?" "Use," was the reply, "noth ing but common sense, and Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery. Common sense told ma if my blood was pure, liver regulated, appetite good, that the outward woman would take on the hue of health. The 'Discovery did all these things, and actually rejuvenated me." Its thousands of cures are the best advertisement for Dr. Sage's catarrh remedy. rK't"hrfcfi'','jSiBBSSST 'riMSMUMiassss IHH COLDg&ti'SBS BBBBBsf MgVM. ftlW 1TT1 V HEAP.lji Try tho CurcHH NEBRASKA. FAMILY : JOURNAL. A Weekly Newspaper issiei eTerj Weimesiaj-. 32 CtlMis tf reaiiig Batter, eta sistiagef Nebraska State Newt ' ItesH, Selected Sttriegaai ' Miscellaay. tTSaatpla copies seat frte to aay address." Subscription price, Slaytar. m Mvmc. Address: M. K. Tvskkk Co., Columbus, Platte Co., Nebr Is the oldwt and most popular dentins aatf mechanical paper published aad hathelanrt circulation or any paper of Its etas In the world. Kully UlurtrRtcd. Best claaa or Wood Kosrav In. tnblihed weakly. Bead for ipoctnM epr. tricet3aynir. Foot noBtha' trial. SL. MUMS a CO., Pvausanm. Ml Broadway N.T. ARCHITECTS t BUILIEIO EMita f Sciestile Amricam. O A srest lacces. Each bane contains colored lithographic plates of country and city resided. ce or public bulMltro. Numerous ngraTlBga and full plans and speclflcattons for the use of . , uch as contemplate bulldina. Price ?-S0 a year. . ticts-acopy. MUNN X CO, rcBUSHXlu. . maybeseenr ed by apply ing to afuNN IX Co.. who hare had over -. 40 yearV experience aad hare made oxer . KU,omi applications for American and For ' -lim Datentfl. Send for Handbook. Corres pondence strictly conndentlaL TRADE MARKS. In ease your mark Is not registered In the Pat ent OSce. apply t. Mu.nx A Co.. and procure Immediate protection. Send or Handbook. COPYRIGHTS for books, charts, maps. , stc Quickly procured. Address Mi:NS Jfc CO., Patent Sallcltara. (itnui. OrricE: SCI Bboadwat. X. T. LOUIS SCHBEIBER. BlaclBiitti u Waioi later. All kiads f Repairing deie Shert Netiee. Baggies, Wag- as, etc., aiade te erder, aad all werk tiaar- aateed. Alto tell taewwM-fiuuas Waltsr A. Wood Mowers, lookers, Ceaikia- od MackiM, HtxTestsn, aai Sttf-toadsn-tae tort auto. "Shop opposite the " Tattersall," oa Olive St.. COLUMBUS. K-si 1841 -THE- 188 Prairie Farmer A Weekly Journal for tae Fans, Orekara aad JiraMt. Oaiy $1.00 Pw Year. THE BEST AGRICULTURAL JOURNAL IN AMERICA. Established at Chicago la 1841, vrhea the West waa ai iwlMeracis ftSraaa, It bas fully kept pace with the grand Agricultural deTelopment of this continent, and its col umns coataia tae history of Agricul ture for tae past MAI.P A CKKTVKY, Duriairwhicb period it has aever missed an Issue, nor failed to appear srosaetly. It to acknowledged, to-day that The Prairie Farsaer STAXag AT TsW HBAB ofAfrrlcnkuralJowaaltaaiathiscauBtry. AUtbe Departments of The Prairie Farmer Are in charge of persons of practical experience aad national reputation in their particular professions, and the best minds among Agricultural writers sre frequent contributors to its columns. Xo other se ceatstletely aael carefully covers tho Crest aa In all matters relating to Asrlraltare. Lite-Stock. Hertlcaltare. Veteftasry. jardes) aad Lasra. Poultry. KateatolesY. Apterr. HeeaeksM. Markets. News. Teaas Folks. Mieretteay. An attractive Home Journal with a Household. Department unexcelled. The Prairie Farmer Is eealeaslr lllaatratea with- original aad suggestives engravings. All questions of general interest in Agriculture and Farm topics are dis cussed in its columns. The Prairie Farmer Is most carefully edited, and not only its Editorial but abo its Advertising columns, are carefully scru tinized, so that nothing questionable shall bepue liMlieil. It is cleaa, wholesome, and fully abreast of the times ia all Farm matters. The Prairie Farmer la published Weekly at the extremely low price of ah f .N Far Tsar, aad will save you away times that aasouat yearly. tlt-WHT? -Ittatkeaest. Send for sTKKK specimen cosy, to THE PKAIBIE FAEMDtPUl. 0O. ISO atanroe Street, Chloesjs, fit J&rSirSa&flk 'ScnJ for Ccrculir.Sl KriitrfOfarflg. ABI.EllNE fi1CDU-Q.0Rayiu.ijAL msBm ptertarr4V- A. uae THC 0 NLY- CtlAlMttTEa) wu -2.' 'cure ron Svn Cxoca :rC ATARRH ABimNEMrfrCaV0K0VlLLElALl CIT-rCeK i HALE BIT DOWTY 5fc SECUER. Trade sappliea by the H. T. 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