The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, June 01, 1887, Image 1

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VOL. XVIH.-NO. 6.
COLUMBUS, NEB., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 1, 1887.
WHOLE NO. 890. ?
m
s
J
COLUMBUS
STATE MN&
(!()LIIMBlIS,e.NEB.
Cash Capital
$75,000.
mKKCTOKS:
LKANDER GERHARD. I'nn't.
OKO. W. HUL3T, Yico Pres't.
JULIUS A. HEED.
K. II. HKNItY.
.1. K.TASKKK. Ciwhiir.
Bank of Eepeif, Dlxroant
mI Exchange.
CIIclon Promptly JInde en
all Point.
Par Intref on Time sepon
It. COLUMBUS
Savings Bank,
LOAN & TRUST COMPANY.
Capital Stock,
SI 00,000.
OFFICERS:
A. ANDERSON. Prea't.
O. W. SHELDON. Vice Pres't.
O. T. KOKN. Trww.
HOBEKT UIILIG, Sec
-o
y Will rwvii time deposit, from $1.00
and any amount upwnrds, and 'will pay the cus
tomary rate of interest.
iSirVie particular! draw your attention to
our facilities for lankily 1um on real estate, at
the lowest rate of interc-bt.
11
tap-City, School and County Bond, and in
dividual securities are WiRht. lfijune'SCy
FOR THE
CALL OS
A. & M.TURNER
Or . IV. UlIII.EIt,
'1' raveling Nalesmaa.
Hr-Thefro organs are finrt-chus in ever' par
tieular, and ho guaranteed.
SCH1FFR0TH fc PLITH,
EtIXR IN
WIND MILLS,
AND PUMPS.
Buckeye Mower, combined, Self
Binder, wire or twine.
Pstsips Repaired on short notice
tyOn door west of Heintz's Drag Store, 11th
street, Columbus, Neb. 17novtso-tf
HENRY G-ASS.
TJlSr DEETAKER !
COFFINS AND METALLIC CASES
AND DIALER IN
Fnrnitare, Chairs, Bedsteads. Bu
reans. Tables. Safes. Lounges,
ate. Picture Frames and
Mouldings.
igriiepairing of all kinds of Uphol-
utery Goods.
-tf COLUMBUS, NEBRASKA.
PATENTS
CiVEiTS, TKADE MARKS AND COPYRIGHTS
Obtained, and all other business in the U. S.
Fasaat Office attended to for MODERATE
FEES.
Oar ctaes is opposite the U. S. Patent Office,
ad ws can obtain Patents in less time than those
remote from WASHINGTON.
Bsad MODEL OR DRAWING. W adrise as
to patearsruuty tree or cnarce: ana mane aj
CHARGE UNLESS WE OBTAIN PATENT.
We inter here to the Postmaster, the Supt. of
Money Order Divand to officials of the U. 8.
Patent Office. For circulars, advice, terms and
-refsreeeee to actual clients in your own State or
eoe&ty, write to
Opposite Patent Office, Washington. D. C
WESTERN GOT f AGE ORGAN
Fnnnnn A smoftflslv
The Yesterday.
I tell a song of the yesterdays.
In tones that are sad and low,
And the tale Is woven of elgh and tears.
Of blasted hopes and heart-filck fears;
And many a voice from the vanished yean
Thro' memory's portals flow.
I slnu a song: of the yesterdays.
With the burden of many tears,
And the aon- has the sound of a funera
knell.
That struck with the chimes of a weddinc
111
And HiliiKlinK, make tbe weirdest spell.
When echoing' thro' the years.
I paint a sketch of the yesterdays,
Iu colors of Homber hue.
And the sketch is on canvas now faded an
worn.
Whose warp and woof are the years tony
flown.
And the colors arc mixed with the tean
they've borne.
And the tints are of ashes and rue.
I dreamed a dream of the yesterdays.
That memory's whispers brim;.
And the dream is of hopes forever fled.
That manhood's ardent Urcs fed.
Ah. uku is a requiem over them dead.
That only a few may sing:.
Uut I'll give a smile to the yesterdays,
For smiles from tears are won,
8ucb a smile as will dawn on a young1 child'
face
When looked-for joys Its grief efface,
Or Its rears, yet hopes, for a parent's grace.
With the rays of the setting sun.
Pat Henderson.
WINNING HIS WIFE.
. "No, Maggie, franklv, I don't love
him."
'Yet you are going to marry him?"
It seems so;" the speaker, Isabel
Deering, laughed merrily as she caught
a view of hrr friend's grave face.
Are 3-ou not afraid, Isabel?"
"Afraid of what?" Miss Isabel's
eyebrows arched themselves interroga
tively, and she said, jestingly: "It
feels quite like a novel, Mag love on
one side. Every-day people have it on
both. I want something different, you
see. Why, my dear, how could I judge
my husband critically if I happened to
be in love with him? She paused a
little while, and then went on, laugh
ingly: "1 couldn't, for instance, select his
clothes, because he looked well in any
thing. I'd let him wear mustaches
when clean lips were en regie; he'd
smoke in my parlors, put his feet on
my mantel, and possibly chew! Think
of it! But now dear." Miss Deering
continued, "I shall have no such ob
struction to. clear views. I can scan
the lord of the manor with a critical
eye, and it is a great advantage, really.
I can see no sensible reason why a wo
man should fall, to use the common
parlance, in love."
Maggie said nothing, but the strong
protest expressed on her face was un
mistakable. "Say something, Maggie," Miss
Deering said after a little.
"It's too late to say anything, dear,"
her friend replied slowly.
"Never mind, say what you think."
"Well, I think I am sorry for vou
both."
Humph" a short silence during
which Isabel beat a light tattoo with
the point of her shapely boot. She
drew a chair, and watched her friend's
deft lingers fasten long spra-s of or
ange blossoms upon the rich lace veil
which had been Isabel's mother's.
"It is unjust to Jack Stuart to marry
him, feeling as you do toward Robert
Stanope."
"How do I feel Mag?" Isabel asked,
a light color coining to her cheek. "I
don't really know."
Her friend looked at her steadily as
she said: "You love him, Isabel, and
you know it."
"No, really, I don't think I do; I did
last winter, but I almost hate him
sometimes now, in spite of his being
the most attractive man I ever saw."
"He has no principle," Isabel's
friend interrupted her warmly.
"Why should you say that?"
"You need hardly ask the question,
since it was his conduct toward you
that showed me his true character."
"It was a mutual agreement that we
should part, both were so poor then,"
Isabel said, slowly.
"Originated by Robert himself, how
ever," Maggie said, severely.
"But I tell you I really don't love
Robert Stanope now," Isabel repeated,
good-naturedly; "I don't love him,
I've only a sort of tenderness for him.
I don't believe any woman could re
fuse Robert Stanope on a first offer."
"I know what yon have been think
ing, Isabel," Maggie went on, speak
ing rapidly. "An introduction to 3-our
husband is the trump card to be played
in sweet revenge when Robert Stanope
seeks you again, as he will when he
knows of your fortune; but remember,
you are giving a good man's life as a
sacrifice to your own wounded vanity."
"Do you suppose he is marrying me
for my accommodation?" Isabel asked,
impatiently, "Pshaw! he wants a
mistress for Shockoe, and he shall have
one."
"Is that all?"
"No, I think he loves me in his
heavy way," Miss Deering said, slow
ly, "but he's so oh, I don't know
he's so he has no intuitions. If I
should say: 'Jack, dear I love you very
much, there now, take yourself off,
and sit on the gallery,1 he'd accept me,
literally swallow my statement, believe
himself adored, and sit the evening
happilv alone."
"And Robert?"
"Oh, Robert was quite different- He
couldn't be happy unless I was near
him. You'd call it 'selfishness, but 2
liked it."
"How do you suppose Mr. Stuart
will relish the " knowledge of your
tastes?"
"I do not think they are abnormal."
Miss Deering's tone betrayed some bit
terness. "It is no concern of his how
I felt a year ago. He has offered me
the position of mistress of Shockoe.
I have accepted the appointment. That
is all.""
"Did some one come in, William?"
Miss Deering asked, as the butler ap
peared with the letters.
"Mr. Stuart's gone out, ma'am. He's
ben er budden dem California trees
for missis."
Isabel Deering, the belle and beauty
of her section, was to marry a man of
very large means a young scion of
the older aristocracy. The older mem
bers of the family had died in the pro
cess of going down in the world, but
this young stripling he was a strip
ling ten years ago had kept a brave
heart, which helped a clear head; had
frnna tract avi1 c,v mr,ntli mrt ItBfl
MW vvri3fc, !. a.- A...... mmM .
come back to Peream, bought at a good
round price Shockoe, his ancestral
home, some four miles from the village,
and followed that by falling nearly in
love with the beautiful Miss Deering.
The neighborhood mammas all put out
decoys very vigorously, but be waa
either a very old or a very inex
perienced specimen. He passed un
harmed and unallured, and kept his
allegiance openly bound to Isabel Deer
ing. He had "been a very unique,
frank, uuexacting lover, seeming to
feel it quite enough that he should be
allowed undisturbed and untramnieled
expression of his own love. A few days
ago he said to Isabel, as they stood on
the gallery steps:
"Do you know that you have never
said nor even hinted that you cared any
thing about me, Isalel?"
"Haven't I?" Isabel laughed one of
her rippling little laughs, which was
almost a caress. "I've been clever in
extracting promises from you, at any
rate."
"Payments," he corrected, echoing
irresistibly her smile, as he laid a
shapely brown hand on her shoulder,
and he said: "I love vou very dearly,
Isabel."
"Poor fellow!" Isabel utilized one of
her patient smiles. "Pay all and get
nothing!"
"But you do love me a little, don't
you? And you don't love anyone else
better "his face grew dark and stem
as he spoke "I couldn't endure that."
Isabel thought of these words as she
half confessed to Maggie a lingering
tenderness for Robert Stanope, and a
half resolve formed itself to tell Mr.
Stuart she did not love him and give
herself back her freedom. But the
thought of relinquishing her triumph
as mistress of Shockoe, of all of Mr.
Stuart's immense fortune, was too
much for her vanity.
The wedding was over, the congratu
lations had been offered, the lunch had
been served, and Isabel looking very
charming in her much-talk-of-go-away
gown, was chattering merrily with her
bridesmaids in the hall as her brother
approached her looking greatly annoy
ed, and said, with some hesitation:
"Isabel, Mr. Stuart has had a tele
gram; he must go to Nevada at once.
The train starts in five minutes. He
wishes you to decide for yourself
whether you will go or stay. Vou are
free to do as you choose."
All eyes turned to the young bride,
who was by turns pale and red.
"What did he say, Phil?" she re
peated again and again. "Surely he
cannot expect "
"No; he doesn't expect anything."
The company had withdrawn to
the parlors and brother and sister
stood alone, only Maggie Sterns was
near and more than certain what
Isabel's decision would be. Her broth
er says: "Do as you choose. Life
out there is very hard, and a woman
would not find any society."
"How can I decide anything all in
a moment somebody help me Mag
gie, tell me what to do." Isabel
turned appealiugly to her friend, but
Maggie only shook her head. This
was a case she must assume herself.
"Do you suppose he thinks I ought to
go, Phil?" she asked suddenly; "but
why can't he wait?"
"Because he can't, I suppose," her
brother said, bluntly. "He must go
at once. Come, it's train time; say
quiek "
"Won't he come to say good-by?"
Isabel asked, in a hurt tone.
"No; said he couldn't stand it. He
is awfully knocked up; by the way,
here's a letter don t want you to read
it, please till to-morrow-"
"Let me see him off at least"
"No use; train's off I hear the
whistle. Poor fellow," Phil could
not help saying "I believe he half
thought you'd come, but the letter was
written in case you should not."
The letter which Phil Deering had
handed his sister ran thus:
"When you read this I shall be many miles
away. I was an inadvertent listener to your
conversation yesterday evening-, which re
vealed more to me than even you yourself are
conscious of, perhaps. To associate with you
dally with suspicion in my heart would make
life a torture to us both. Therefore I go
away, feciin that this is most what you de
sire, and wishing- only to conform to what
would be for your happiness. You have what
our ambition craved John Stuart's fortune
and the protection of his name.
It is belle
bur that his
life can be best spent looking to
Sour happiness with the nreadtn 01 tno states
etweenusthatlso. I believe that I know
you too well to fear to bare the guarding of
my good old name from a faint breath of
scandal in your keeping. I enjoin that you
go at once to Shockoe where L alas! had
thought to be so happy that vou live there as
befits John Stuart's wife. You will find at
your banker's carte-blanch to draw as you
wish. I shall write you regularly, and require
of you a similar recognition of our relations.
Johk Stuakt.
"P. S. Let not thought of duty, or less con
venances, induce you to soek to follow me. If
your inclination had ever faintly prompted
thereto you would have gono with me and
this would have been burned undelivered. I
wish no unwilling allegiance. You owe me
nothing. I have, as you said yesterday, a
mistress for Shockoe and you have a satisfied
ambition."
The months rolled by gradually
the wonder of Pereani spent itself in
vain imaginings and the strange ab
sence of Mr. Stuart ceased to be the
constant topic. After the first few
mouths it was rarely mentioned to his
wife, whose life at Shockoe was a
ceaseless round of gayety, which Pe
reani concluded rather questionable
taste in view of her husband's pro
longed, absence. She was usually gay
and apparently careless when the mat
ter was mentioned, but rather avoided
explanations, dubbed herself the grass
widow, but generally managed to men
tion items of news from her husband's
letters when friends whose judgment
she might value called.
These letters came regularly. Never
personally, never remotely hinting at
his inner self, but filled with charming
accounts of western scenes and life,
odd characters and incidents of the
mining world, and Isabel gradually
realized that her husband, whom she
had seemed scarcely to know, was un
usually clever, endowed with a brill
iant imagination and very caustic wit
He made no reference to their odd
relations to one another beyond that
implied in exacting hi weekly letter:
nor did he remotely hint at his ever
returning to Peream."
Isabel had spent the winter amid the
gayeties of St Louis and Washington
and returned home to find Robert
Stanope in Peream.
"I left a charming violet when I
went away," he said, gallantly, lean
ing over the doorway of Mrs. Stuart's
handsome carriage and offering its
occupant the hand from which he had
just drawn a dainty glove "a charm
ing violet, but the fairies have trans
formed it to a magnificent lily. Let
me claim an old friend's privilege,
Mrs. Stuart and say that you are
handsomer than ever."
The weeks flew by. Robert Stanope
was a daily visitor at Shockoe. He
rode with its mistress or her guests,
rowed them on the river, devised
means of entertaining tor uer, vtaa
ever ready witn attentions, and some
times vaguely hinted at the hard fate
which had debarred him from com
peting for the prize that alone could
have made life worth living, which
Isabel was accustomed to receive with
a jest or comment on his lazy life and
habits, and wonder why she had so
completely, even before his return,
outgrown what she now denominated
her "penchant for Robert Stanope."
The new year's ball was at its
height, and very beautiful Isalel Stu
art looked in her long shimmering
Satin gown, her only ornament a
medallion, in diamonds which were
the old Stuart heir-looms. She was
resting in a corner of the conservator),
watching the distant dancing, and her
companion was absorbed with her
beauty. At length he said:
"Isabel, I am going away to-morrow;
do you know what it feels like to
say good-by to to all that is dearest
to one?"
"I think that, like the poor, you
have always with you," Isabel re
plied, carelessly turning her head
aside.
"Don't jest eternally, Isabel," Rob
ert Stanope cried, impatiently. "I
wish you to speak earnestly, and I
want you to listen."
"You were jesting then about go
ing?" she said, laughing, enjoying his
ill-humor.
"Would you care to know that I
was?" Robert Stauope, asked, tender-
"Why should I care? You are use
ful to me in entertaining my guests,
but I think I prefer you should go, so
far, at least, as I have interest in the
matter."
"It is to assure myself of the extent
of that interest that I have brought
you here tonight
gerness in his voice,
chair closer to hers:
With warm ear-
md drawing his
"1 feel that vou
love me, Isabel."
Astonishment and indignation for a
few seconds sealed his companion's
lips, then:
"How dare you insult ' me by such
words," she broke forth. "How dare
you address such language to me?"
"I dare upon the right my love and
your permission of it give," he said,
calnily.
"I deny your right either to insult
or love me," Isabel said indignantly,
aa tears of mortification sprang to hei
eyes.
"Why have you allowed me to visit
you fo r six months daily? You can
not afford much indignation if I have
misunderstood yon. Pereani would
see the ridiculous side of it, you
know."
"Peream?'
"Have you supposed Peream had its
eyes shut?" he asked, angrily. "But,
pshaw! its ridiculous if you pretend
not to know that our names are to
gether in every mouth in the town.
The fact that no letters have come re
cently with an Elko postmark h:is
.j.kjl 4rv ,li. tn(il.il ''
Isabel stood silent,
speech seemed to have
At length she said, in
Her power ol
forsaken her.
strained, un-
natural tone:
"Do you realty mean it? I should
least have expected this from you,
Robert Stanope," she concluded, turn
ing suddenly toward him.
Why from me?" the young man
said quickly. "Do I not love you?
Was it fof me to dictate the proprie
ties to Mrs. Stuart?" he said, mock
ingly. "Oh, Isabel, why did I give
you up?" his tone suddenly changed
to a pleading one. "I feel senseless
with agony in the thought of parting
from you. How can I go? You cared
for me once. You do care "
"I despise you!" she burst forth in
angry indignation. "I must greatly
have descended since you dare to ad
dress me thus. Perhaps I owe this to
some of Peream's scandal - loving
tongues. It may be that to them,
too, I owe the loss of my one chief
joy, my husband's letters. It is true I
no longer receive them. I may nevei
see him again, I cannot tell how fat
the poison is buried, but I can tell you
that John Stuart though dead to me
perhaps, has all the love of his wife's
individual heart."
As Mrs. Stuart said good-by to her
guests that evening she announced, in
an incidental, careless fashion, that
she was saying good-by for a longei
space than usual; she would start the
next day but one for Nevada. Shf
was tired of her widowhood, and since
her husband had not come to her she
had resolved to go to him. Day way
breaking in the east when the last car
riage rollefl away, and Isabel, feeling
heavy of heart jet firm in her new re
solve, paused for a moment over the
dying hall fire before beginning hei
busy day of preparation.
Suddenly a deep, strange, j-et famil
iar voice broke the stillness, and a pail
of strong arms were around her, a
their owner said:
"Thank God. I can at last claim my
wife. I reached Peream yesterday. I
could not endure it longer without see
ing you, yet should have gone back
undiscovered but for your sweet con
fession in the conservatory last night
my darling. How can I bear the
delight of fceliug that my wife really
loves me! My little grass-widow, who
never shall be one any more Isabel,
have you a word of greeting for me?
And will you forgive me for eaves
dropping? I had only meant to see
you and go away again I could not
retreat and was obliged to hear what
alone could have given me permission
to claim mv wife!"
Mr. Tilden frequently invested in
railroad stocks whenever there was a
decline in the market or a chance to
get in on the ground floor in a deal. It
nettled him, however, to be considered
a speculator. He would indignantly
repudiate the characterization and say
"I am an investor, not a speculator. 1
buy when I consider stocks are a good
purchase; then I decide on the figure 1
will sell at, just as a grocer marks his
selling price, and I sell whenever I
can get my price, without reference to
the market"
"Lincoln county, Minn.," says the
Duluth Herald, "supports but one
pauper, but- from the fact that the
county board recently allowed him
16.55 to pay his barter's bill, we take
it he is supported right royally."
A geological survey of Lower Cali
fornia is to be made.
WIT AND HUMOR.
"Your Honor." pleaded the con
demned man, "will you put my execu
tion for Thursday instead of Friday?"
"Why?" inquired the judg. "Be
cause Friday is such an unlucky day."
Atw York Sun.
Wife "I don't see how you can say
that Mr. "Whiteehoker has an effemin
ate way of talking. He has a verj'
pud voice." Husband "I mean by
an effeminate way of talking, my dear,
that he talks all 'the time." Harper's
Bazar.
A Swiss law compels every newly
married couple to plant trees shortly
after the ceremony of marriagei. -The
pine and the weeping willow are pre
scribed, but the birch is allowed as be
ing prospectively useful. Providence
Telegram.
Orthodox Sunday-school teacher to
small boy "You know, Johnnie, there
is nothing vou can think of that God
could n-je-Acif He wished." Johnuie
(an unwitting evolutionist) "Could
He make roe a 2-year-old colt in ten
minutes?" Xcw York Tribune.
Tom "Carrie, come into the house,
and I'll show you the game I bagged
yesterday. Thought you'd like'to see
it before it was dressed." Carrie
"Indeed, I shouldn't You ought to
be ashamed of yourself to think of
such a thing!" Boston Transcript.
"Yes," he said to the young lady
whose good opinion he wa anxious to
capture. "Yes, indeed, I believe that
young men should be economical."
"So do I," she ardently replied; "but
then fried oysters occasionally can
hardly be called
Philadelphia Call.
extravagance.
Mrs. Wayback (to husband, who has
brought home a verse of poetry with
the author's signature attached) Is
this fut class poetry, John? Mr. Way
back (enthusiastically) Fust class
poetry? I should say it was. I got
that in a dime museum, Mariar. The
feller wrote it with his toes. Life.
Wealthy merchant "What' You
here again! Why I kicked you down
stairs and out into the street this morn
ing, you impudent fellow." Peddler
"Ish dot so? Vat a splendid mem
ory! I had forgotten all apout it.
Don't you vant to puy a fedder duster
pefore you kick me out some more?"
Texas Sifiings.
"So you would like an office, my
friend," said the President. "Yes,
sir," replied the applicant. "Your re
commendations say you have done
some effective work at the polls. In
what way?" "In the line of my regu
lar business sir." "Your regular busi
ness?" "Yes, sir; I am a barber."
Pittsburg Chronicle.
Landlord "Why, how is this?
This is no marine piece. It is almost
an exact representation of the interior
of my saloon." Artist "I meant it
for that." "But I told you to paint
me a bit of sea-coast, a tasty little
marine morceau, a " "That's
what it is sir. Don't you see the
schooners crossing the bar." Phila
delphia Call.
They were married and she was a
decided loser in the trade. "Well,"
he said, one morning after a squabble,
"you needn't be finding fault with me
all the time. You took me for better
or worse, didu't you?" "No, I didn't"
she replied, savagely; "I took 'ou be
cause there wasn't anybody else to
take." Washington Critic.
"What kept you so late last night,
Archibald?" demanded Mrs. Spotcash.
"Takin inventory," replied Spotcash.
"I knowed it," she replied; "smellcd
it on your breath the minute you came
in. You'll keep on takin' it till you
get in the lockup and disgrace your
family, and then' I hope you'll be satis
fied." Chicago Ledger.
"My dear," aid a congressman to
his wife, "I have just been reading a
medical work, and I have discovered
that water does not decay dead bodies."
"Indeed," she replied, with some in
sinuation, "that's nothing. It won't
decay live bodies, either, if they don't
use any more of it than some persons
I know of." Washington Critic.
She (to young poet) How much do
vou get for vour poems, Charlej'?
Charley (with pridc) From $2 to 5.
She Well, isn't that very little. Char
ley? I see that Sir Walter Scott got
$10,000 for one of his. Charley Yes;
but you see writing poetry isn't the
the business it used to bo. There's
too much competition. New York Sun.
An interior. Professor (who has
been giving simple lesson in physio
logy) "Where is your heart, dear?"
Mabel "Here." Professor "And
where is your liver?" Mabel (indig
nantly) "I haven't any. Cows have
livers." Professor "O, yes, 3-ou
have." Mabel (after some thought)
"Well, then, where is my bacon?"
Life.
English artist (on board a Rhine
steamer) "How do you like the Val
ley of the Rhine?" American girl
"O, it is lovely!" English artist "In
my opinion there is no valley so beau
tiful as the Valley of the Yosemite, iu
your country." American girl (in
astonishment) "My country! Why
I am an American, not a Japanese."
Tid-Bits.
"Now take it home to yourself,"
said a jolly fellow who believes in per
sonal liberty to a disagreeable crank
who wants to make the world good by
legeslative enactment; "how would
you like to go without a drink Sun
day?" "Ah," said the reformer,
"when I take it home to myself I gen
erally have my driuk, don't ycr know?"
New Orleans Picayune.
A lonely Skating-Rink met a To
boggan Slide the other daj "How
are 3-011 feeling?" asked the Rink in
doleful tones. "I am hunky," replied
the Slide. "I am in fast company and
making barrels of money." "Come
and see me in about two years from
now," said the Rink, "and we will con
dole together. I have been there my
self. "Philadelphia Call.
Woman (to tramp') "You might
saw a little wood for that nice dinner."
Tramp (reproachfully) "Madam, you
ought not to throw temptation in the
wa3 of a poor man." Woman
"Temptation?" Tramp "Yes, mad
am. If I were to saw some wood the
chances are I would carry off the saw.
I'm an honest man now, and I want to
sta3' so." Harper's Bazar.
Lawyer You say the prisoner ac
cidentally shot himself iu the leg?
Witness I did. Lawyer Was the
gun loaded? Witness I don't know.
Lawyer Now, then, will j-ou please
6tate to the jury how he shot himself?
Witness Well. I suppose that the
blamed old gun was like a lawer's
mouth went off whether there was
anything in it or not. New York Sun.
Once was the time when the boss of
the bull fiddle in the theater orchestra
was the worst-hated man in the estab
lishment, because of-his facility in hid
ing the stage from the parquet But
the bass viol-ator of other people's
rights has long since sunk into insig
nificance before one greater and more
accursed than he the woman with
the stupendous bonnet. Boston Tran
script. Mr. Crane-Fallon (the eminent ex
ponent of palmistry) M3- dear madam,
3'our hands seem to indicate that you
at some eriod of your life experienced
a great sorrow followed b3 a great J03.
Mrs. Nevada How wonderfully cor
rect! I got that scar from 1113 first
husband's razor in '49. He was try
ing to cut his throat, don't you know,
and iu spite of all I could do he suc
ceeded. -Tid-Bits.
A Curious Life Poeru.
Mrs. H. A. Deming. of San Francis
co, is said to have occupied a 3ear in
hunting up and fitting together the fol
lowing thirt3-eight lines from thirty
eight English poets. The names of
the authors are given below:
1 Why all this toll for triumphs of an hour?
2 Life's a short summer, man a flower:
3 By turns we catch the vital breath, and
die
4 The cradle and the tomb, alas! so high,
6 To be is better far than not to bo.
8 Though all man's life may seem a tragedy;
7 But light cares speak when mighty cares
are dumb,
8 The bottom is but shallow whence they
come.
9 Your fate is but the common fate of all:
10 Unmlngled Joys here to no man befall.
11 Nature to each allots his proper sphere,
13 Fortune makes folly her peculiar care;
W Custom does often reason overrule,
14 And throw a cruel sunshine on a fool.
15 Llvo well, how long or short, permit to
heaven.
IS They who forgive most shall be most for
given. 17 Sin may be clasped so close wc can not see
its face
18 Vile intercourse whero virtue has not
place:
19 Then keep each passion down, however
dear;
SO Thou pendulum betwixt a smile and tear:
21 Her sensual snares, let faithless pleasure
lay
23 With craft and skill to ruin and betray;
-23 Soar not too high to fall, hut stoop to rise.
24 Wo masters grow of all that we despise.
25 O, then renounce that impious self-esteem;
2d Riches have wings, and grandeur Is a
dream.
27 Think not ambition wise because 'tis
brave,
28 The path of glory leads but to the grave.
29 What 19 ambition? 'tis a trlorious cheat,
30 (July destructive to the brave and great.
31 What's all the gaudy glitter of a crown?
32 Tbe way to bless lies not ou beds of down.
33 How long wo live not yean, but actions
tell;
34 That man lives twice who lives the first
lire well.
3J Make, then, while yet ye may, your God
your friend,
36 Whom Christians worship, yet not compre
hend. 37 The trust that's given guard, and to your
self be just;
38 For. live wo how we can. yet die we mu.-u.
1, Young; 2, Dr. Johnson; 3, Pope;
4, Prior; b, Sewell; 6, Spenser; 7, Dan
iel; 8, Sir Walter Raleigh; 9, Longfel
low; 10, Southwell; 11, Congreve; 12,
Churchill; 13. Rochester; 14, Arm
strong; 15, Milton; 16, Baih-; 17,
Trench; 18, Soiuerville; 19, Thomson;
20, Byron; 21, Smollett; 22, Crabbe;
23, Massiuger; 24, Cowley; 25. Beattie;
26, Cowper; 27, Sir Walter Davenaut;
28, Gray; 29, Willis; 30, Addison; 31,
Dryden; S2, Francis Quarlcs; 33, Wat
kins; 34, Herrick; 35. William Mason;
36, Hill; 37, Dana; 38, Shakspeare.
The Value ot London Laud.
It has been ascertained, with regard
to the Imperial institute, that the site
of about five acres recently ecured for
the new Admirality of War Offices is
valued at 820,000, or 1.1t her over
1G0,000 per acre; that now vacant in
Charles street, opposite the India of
fice, is less than an acre, and would
cost at least 125,000; probably an
other acre might be secured b3- private
contract, so that the value of a limited
site in this position would not be less
than 250,000.
It has been suggested that a single
acre not far from Charing Cnxs might
be obtained for 224,000. Two and
a half acres on the Thames embank
ment have been offered for 400,000,
and it is stated that six acres nwiy be
procured from Chri.t's Hospital at
600,000. Another good central posi
tion has been suggested, consisting of
two and a half acres, which has been
valued at 668,000.
Even if a reduced price were accept
ed, no site in that direction is to be had
for less than a quarter of a million.
This explanation is offered for falling
back on the site which belongs to the
Commissioners of the Exhibition of
1851. Court Journal.
Judge Hoar's Funny Blander.
Judge Hoar, one of the legal lights
at the trial of the Andover professors,
is said to be an absent-minded man.
He is also said to be a little harsh and
abrupt at times. As the stoiy goes, he
listened intently to the argument of
Prof. D wight 3'esterda', and with the
others went to lunch. His mind was
full of creeds, and heresies, and legal
phrases as he proceeded SI0WI3' to the
dining-room. His friends noticed that
he was rather preoccupied, and watch
ed him closely.
Close to the hat-rack is a large mir
ror reaching to the floor. Judge Hoar
carelesslj" placed his hat on the rack,
and, lowering his head and muttering
and gesticulating to himself, turned
abrupt' about and saw a figure in the
niirror. He paused for a moment, and
waited for the other fellow in the mir
ror to pass. The other fellow did not
pass, and the Judge houtcd angrilj-,
"Isn't there room enough for 3-011 to
pass?"
His friends burst into laughter, and
the Judge himself, soon realizing that
he was the victim of a huge joke, join
ed in the sport Motion Itttord.
Wby Shoes Are Thrown at Weddings.
The custom of throwing one or more
old shoes after the bride and groom,
either when the3" go to church to le
married or when the- start on their
wedding journe, is so old that the
menKuy of man stretches not back to
its beginning. Some think it repre
sents an assault and is a lingering
trace of the custom among savage na
tions of currying away the bride 03
violence; others think that it is a relic
of the ancient law of exchange or pur
chase, and that it formerly implied the
surrender In" the parents of all domin
ion or author over their daughter.
It has a likeness to & Jewish custom
mentioned in the Bible. Thus inleu-teronoim-
we read that when the brother
of a dead man refused to marry hi3
widow she asserted lipr independence
of him by "looing his shoe." Also in
Ruth, when the kinsman of Boaz gave
up his claim to the inheritance of Ruth
and to Kuth also he indicated his as
sent In' plucking off his shoe and
giving it to Boa- It was also the cus
tom of the middle ages to place the
husband's shoe on the head of the nup
tial couch, in token of his domination.
Misused Words.
Acoustics is always singular.
Cut bias, and not cut on the bias.
Allow should not be used for admit
Come to see me, and not come and
see me.
Bunted is not elegant and is rarely
correct
Almost, with a negative, is ridiculous.
"Almost nothing" is absurd.
The burden of a song means the re
frain or chorus, not its sense or mean
ing. Bountiful applies to persona; "not "to
things, and has no reference to quan
tity. Affable only applies when speaking
of the manner of superiors to inferiors.
Methinks is formed by the impersonal
verb think, meaning seem, and the da
tive me; and is literally rendered, It
seems to me.
Admire should not be followed with
the infinitive. Never say, as many do,
"I should admire to go with you." eta
This error is singularly fashionable just
now.
Allude is now frequently misused
when a thing is named, spoken of or
described. It should only be used when
anything is hinted at in a playful or
passing manner. "Allusion is the by
play ofianguage."
A Primitive Turkish Bath.
"The first time I tried a Mexican
sweat bath," said Col. Joe. ShelH', thf
famous scout, "I thought I would die,
but I shut ni3 teeth together, and said
4I can stand it as long as you can, old
fellows.' It was at the close of a long
march on a hot da3. The Indians fix
ed a tepee until it was air-tight, heated
a rock and then rolled it into the tepee.
One In one we crawled into it after
having stripped off our clothing. Som?
of the Indians didu't have much on,
and then we packed together as closely
as sardines in a box. I thought 1
would melt Every few minutes the
high lord executioner or master of cer
emonies would talk Indian and throw a
little water out of a can on the rock.
This would till the room with steam. It
seemed an age before they let me go,
but I gues it wasn't more than half an
hour. Then we all made a rush forth
river near b ami a dash of a few min
utes made us as fresh as a dais. N:
matter how tired we were, the sweat
bath made us feci like kinjrs."
The Toboggan Slide.
"What is this toboggan business that
we read so much about in the papers?"
he asked in a Grand River avenue .store
the other day as he an his wife stood
warming their hands at the stove.
"Why, a toboggan is a high platform
with an icy slide running down."
"Yes."
"You get up there with 3-0111- sled,
take a prett- girl on fur a partner, and
down 3-011 go like greased lightning."
"Girls are willing, are they?"
"Oh, yes."
"Lots of em around?"
"Dozens of 'em."
"Aii3' toboggan nigh here?"
"Now, that's enough!" said the wife
as she turned on him. "If there was
twenty toboggans between here and
the cit3 hall you'd go right along and
sell them butter and eggs and then jog
home with me without a slide!"
"Yes, I reckon I'd have to," remark
ed the ofd man with an awful igh, and
then he changed the subject to brown
sugar and baking-powder. Detroit Free
Press.
Secretary Garland's Humble Home.
A visitor to his humble home out
Fourteenth street would find himself
suddenh transported to some farmer's
domicile. It is a two-sto- frame cot
tage which 1ip lives in, located close b3
a market where the fanners and the
butchers bring in their products to sell
to the people. In the little room
which the Attorney-General uses as his
library or stud- and where he receives
his visitors the furniture consists of a
deal table, an old-fashioned rocking
chair and one or two other chairs of
little value, unless the ole object be to
furnish a seat for the weary sojourner
which will not break down under his
weight. On some plain shelving and
around on the floor of the room are
stored the law books of the hoot, this
apparent I3 being the extent of his li
braiy. A soap box contributed b3 the
"roeer serves for the storage of the coal
used in keeping up the tire. The At
torney general doe- not live thus for
temporarx effect among his own people,
but has always done so.
Jackson Could Do No Wrong.
It was an anecdote of a pious Jack
soniau deacon of our count' in Virgin
ia that a Whig laid a wager that he
would jiistii" Jackson even for murder.
Overtaking the deacon on his waj to
church, he entered into conversation,
and profe-ped to be just from Washing
ton. "Well, and what's the news at Wash
ington?" asked the deacon.
"Nothing O, 3'es. there is; Gen.
Jackson killed a man 3-e3terda"
"Killed a man?" cried the deacon.
"Yes, he was walking on Pennsyl
vania avenue, and told a man to get out
out of his wa3-; the man didn't, and the
President shot him."
The deacon meditated a few moments
then broke out, 'Hurnik for the Gener
al! Wli3' didn't the man get out of his
wa3'!" Moncure J). Conway.
Fair daughter Pa, dear, why ar
you ho gloom3-? Come, cheer up, and
talk to your little Dot, Papa dear
Well, dear, if 3-ou must know, I think
there'll have to be a receiver appointed
for my bank soon. F. D. Win, that
is just too Inveh'. A receiver! And
AVI13- can't 3-011 be a dear good father
and appoint me? Then I would have
to receive, and I could have a lovely
new reception dress; you're just the
dearest papa in the world, but you do
love to look gloomy about nothing.
Pittsburg Bulletin.
National Bank!
or
COLUMBUS. XffEB.
-HAS AN-
Authorized Capital of $250,000,
A Surplus Fund of - $20,000,
And tbe largest Paid im Cask Capital of
any bonk in this part of the State.
taDepoit received and interest paid on
time deposit.
tDraft on the principal cities in this coun
try and Enrope bought and sold.
EBCollections and all other business given
prompt and careful attention.
m.-iJF.
STOCKHOLDERS.
A. ANDER80N. Pre't.
HERMAN P. H. OEHLRICH.
Vice Pres't.
O.T.ROEN, Cashier.
J. P. BECKER, HERMAN OEHLRICH,
O. BCHUTTE, V. A. McALUHTER.
JONAS WElICH. JOHN W. EARLY.
P. ANDERSON. O. ANDERSON.
ROBERT UHLlG. CARL REINKE.
Apres-'Sfitf
Business ards.
D. T. Martys. M. D.
F. J. Schto, M. D.
Dra. XARTYH SCHTJG,
II. S. Examining Surgeons.
Local SurreonH, Union Pacific. O., N. i
!'. If. and B. & M. R. It's.
Consultation in Gerninn and English. Tele
phontfyit oliico and rvwidence-.
2"0th'ee n Olito treet, next to Brodfneh
rer'a Jewelry Store.
COLUMBUS,
NEBRASKA.
12-y
H
AM1L.TOI MEADE, 91. Ik,
1'HYSICIAX A.'D SURGEOX,
Platte Center, Nebraska. 9-y
TIT 31. COKNKI.IUM,
LAW AND COLLECTION OFFICE.
Upxtairs Ernst building, 11th street.
S"
!U.IVA: A KEKUKR,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Oilico over Firt National Bank. Columbua.
Nebraska. UMf
C
1 l. KVAi?, M. IK,
PUYSIC1AX AXI SCEGEOX.
fcSOiliee and room, (ilnek building, 11th
Mrct-t. Telephone communication. i-y
j&rcAlIlS'rKK BKOM.,
A TTORNEYS A T LA W,
Ctlice Qp-fctuirtt in Henri's LniUlintc, corner of
Olite and 11th tiette. W. A. McAllister, No
tary Public.
TOM kiik:,
VOVXTY SCRVEYOR.
JSPartiiN ileeirini; MirveyinR done can ad-(in-rii
me at Columbus, Nib., or call at my ollicn
in Court House. Smay&ti-y
lOTICE TO TKAHKR8.
W. H. Tedrow, Co 8upt.
1 will im at my cilice in tbe Court House the
third Saturt'a) ot each mouth tor the examina
tion of teachers. Z'J-tt
V
R. Jf. CHAM. VII.I.l,
DEUTSCHER ARZT,
Columbus, Nebraska.
S-Oth'ce 11th Street. Consultation in Kn-fclit-li,
in cih and German. :marb
JOHN I!. H1GGINS. C. J. GARLOW.
Colhction Attorney.
BIGGIES & 0AEL0W,
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW,
Upecialt made of Collections by C. J. Garlow.
34-m
V. Y. KI.DR. .11. !..
HOMCEOPATEIST.
Chronic Diseases and Disea&eK of
Children a Specialtv.
85f CK.'cecn Olive etrtrt, tl ite jkornferth of
rirrt Natiunid bai.k. --ly
C II. Rl KC1IK,
llth St., opposite Lindcll Hotel.
Pells Harnetn, Saddle. Collarf. Whirf. Blcnkets,
Curry f ombB, Erufbes, flunks, i!lin-s. bepey
tops, cushions, tnrrirke trin e :li:k A v., bL tlio
lovrt-pt possible prices. l;jnirt jrimjtlj at
tended to.
J.
91. illAirAKLAAU,
ATTOBNEY AND NOTARY PUBLIC.
LAW AND COLLECTION OFFICE
or
J. M. KACIiBIAKD,
Columbus, Nebraska.
E.CBOYD,
MANCFACTUKEtt OF-
Tin and Sheet-Iron Ware !
Job-Work, Eoofinj and Gutter
ing a Specialty.
53SShop on 01ie street. 2 doora north of
Brodfueluer'H Jewelry Store. 3".'-tf
A.J.ARi0LD,
DKAI.KR IN
DIAMONDS,
FINE WATCHES,
lock Jewelry
AND
SILVERWARE.
Strict attention Riven to ifiniricK of Watcher
and Jewelry. J2Ti!l cot Le undersold by
Hiiybodj."lfcC
Nh.A venue. Opposite Clother House.
YOU;
can live at. I oire. r.LU uiiikh mats
money nt work lor us man Rt an
tliinjj ebe in the v.orld. Capital not
Fese: all ntreF. Anyone can do tho work. Larite
earning sure from first start. Costly outfit and
terms fr. Better not delay. Costs you nothing
tosendns jonradt'rtsHar.d find out; if yon are
wise jou will do so at once. II. IlAixirrr & Co.,
Portland. Maine. decTVWy
nettitt!: JO" aie Mttrieu irte. lioiu
NeW$papR
A hnnlfnf 100 niurPS.
The best boolcforan
advertucr to con
salt, be be experi
enced or otherwise.
It coutains lists of newspapers and estimate s
ofthecostofadvertisinjj.
. . .4 ....... nl
'hn advertiser who
nd one dollar. Amis ix Itthe ln-
zniaiiiK. i
formation he requires, while forhlm who will
wants iu sut'uu uuc uuuiu. u" ..- -.-
invest one hundred thousand dollars In aa
vertlslnff, a scheme Is indicated which win
meet his every requirement, or can be made
todosobytlighldtanacsmuily arritedatbyeot
rtspondence. 149 editions have been issued.
Sent post-paid, to any address for 10 cents.
Write to GEO. P. BOWTELI, CO.,
NEWSPAPER ADVERTISING BDBKAU.
UOSpruossCPrlnUng House Sq.Ji KswYork.
'ADVERTISING