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About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (May 18, 1887)
VOL. XVHL-NO. 4.
COLTJMBTTS, NEB., WEDNESDAY, MAY 18, 1887.
WHOLE NO. 888.
LKAXDKU UKRRARD. PreVt.
UKO. W. HULSr. Vioe. PreVt.
JULIUS A. llKKI).
H. H. HENRY.
I J. E.T.YSKKU. Cashier.
Haak of epealt, lIceamt
CollocdoBM Promptly Made
Pay ter)Ml Tlaae Iep-
LOAN & TRUST COMPANY.
A. ANDERSON. Pres't.
O. W. SHELDON. Vice Pr't.
O. T. KOEN, Trww.
ROBERT UI1L1U. 8oc.
iSfWill reecho time dejiosits, fmm J1.00
and any amount upwards, and will pay the cus
tomary rate of interest.
fy Wo particularly !niw jonr attention to
tiur facilities for making Kmiiib on real estate, at
the lowest rate of interest.
tyCity, School ami County Bonds, anil in
dividual securities are bought. ltSjune'tirty
WESTERN COTTAGE ORGAN
Or O. W. KIHLER,
ITheoe organs nro first-class in every par
ticular, and so guaranteed.
SCHIFFROTH & PLITH,
Buckeye Mower, combined, Self
Binder, wire or twine.
Pimps Repaired oh short settee
HTOne door west of Heintx's Drnr Stow. 11th
street, Columbus, Neb. 17noW-tf
. HENRY G-ASS.
COFFINS AND METALLIC CASES
AND DIALER IN
Parol tar , Chairs, Bedateada. Bu
reaus. Tables, Safes. Lounges,
Ac. Picture Frames and
TWJiejMirivg of all kimls of Uphol
6-tf COLU3IBD8. NEBRASKA.
CAYEm, TRADE NARKS ASD COPTEIGHTS
Obtained, and all 'other business in the U.S.
Patent Office attended to for MODERATE
Oar office is opposite the U. 8. Patent Office,
and we can obtain Patents in less time than those
renote from WASHINGTON.
tad MODEL OR DRAWING. Wo advise as
tonateatability free of charge: and make NO
CHARGE UNLESS WE OBTAIN PATENT.
We refer here to the Postmaster, the Sapt. of
Mosey Order Div.. and to officials of the U. S.
Patent Office. For circulars, advice, terms and
inftmnui. to actual clients in your own State or
coantr , write to
Opposite Patent Office, Wa8bngton7l5rc.
SOUTH SEA IMAGES.
Gigantic Relics Found oa Poaape and Eaat
The success of one of our men-of-wai
In securing one of the above images
from Easter island for the Smithsonian
institute has given fresli interest to the
peculiar remains on this little island
on the coast of Chili. The origin of
theo images has been the puzzle of
'savants for j'ears, but it is only recent
ly that it has been 'discovered that simi
lar erections exist upon the island of
Ponape or Ascension, ono of the Caro
line group, situated in north latitude 6
ilirr'" ii2 mlmiti'j unil fnt liinmriulr
. 158 degrees 21 miiiutos in the Pacific
ocean. But little is known to the gen
oral public regarding islands in the Pa
cific out of the beaten track of voyag
eurs. The whalemen, however, that
pursue the large cetacean known as the
sperm variety, in the tropical seas, vis
it these delightful nooks to replenish
their stock of .provisions and to lay in
a store of fruits, pigs, and other prov
ender before proceeding on their Arctic
cruise. The lazy, life that the islanders
lead, the enervating climate, and a de
sire to escape the work on board ship
have luien the causes of many sailors
deserting at the points touched. Lured
by the dark eyes and graceful forms of
the dusky island women, they remain
and lead a dolccfar nienlc life. Upon
many of the islands that dot the vast
Pacific these "beach-combers" are to
be found, every Jack his Jill and a host
of children around him.
The Caroline group of islands belong
to Spain, but, as is characteristic of the
Spanish, nothing has been done in the
way of exploration and little is known
of them, except by traders or whalers.
Guam is the port, but aftlic islands of
Sal pan. and Ponapo whalers stop to re
cruit. From information obtained by
a Chronicle representative from oue of
the whaling captains the following ac
count of the ancient ruins, situated up
on Ponape, was obtained:
The beech of glistening whito sand
and coral remains has a growth of rank
gras-, reaching almost to the water-line.
Dene groves of palm.cocoanut and cloth
trees Mirround a village of huLs.through
which the pathway to the ruins runs.
Over basaltic rocks and volcanic debris,
intermingled with obsidian, visitors are
forced to climb, until a distance of. over
ten miles from the shore is reached.
Surrounded by a thicket of palms and
a species of bamboo a series of vast
terraces of stone rise, step by step, up
the hillside. These terraces are prob
ably three hundred yards in length and
vary from twenty to thirty feet in width.
The size of these terraces is insignifi
cant when the topmost structure is
A wall of whitish stone rises at the
summit, nearly thirty feet high, and
forming an irregular rectangle. The
stones composing the wall are from five
to six feet in length and eight to ten
feet thick, each stone weighing several
tons. Although the sides of these gi
gantic stones are perfectly smooth and
of nearly equal proportions there is not
the faiutest sign of a chisel mark. No
cement has been used to hi- them in
position and gaps occur at intervals.
At the single gateway, or entrance,
stand two stone monoliths over thirty
feet high, each having at the top an im
mense bowl. Passing through the en
trance a stone altar is to be seen In the
center of the inclosure. This altar is
also composed of stone, but the texture
beems to diller from that used to build
the wall, although similar in color.
Two flights of steps surround this ele
vation, which has an immense tree
growing in the center. In its growth
the true has displaced the huge stones
of the altar, and the north side is now
out of its leveL Parasitical vines and
undergrowth run over the walkthrough
the crevice, and hang in graceful fes
toons from the branches of the trees.
Alarmed at man's auDroach beautiful
golden green lizards, with backs glis
tening in the bright sunlight, dart to
and fro through the brush, but no ven
omous reptiles are found.
By what race these buildings were
constructed is a mystery. The natives
do not know; neither have they any
tradition regarding them. To move
such cyclopean stones must have re
quired immense labor and appliances,
and unless the progenitors of the pres
ent race of natives were possessed oi
a knowledge of tjie mechanical arts it
is difficult to imagine who were the
builders. Similar gigantic ruins and
images are known to exist in the Pacif
ic islands only on Easter island. The
origin of these structures is surrounded
with mystery, and archaeologists at
tribute their raising to a forgotten race.
Among the rice and yam fields on Sal
pan island may be seen monoliths with
bowls on their tops, but of small di
mension. The natives call these stones
onaccs, and state that their uses are for
The only recorded visit to Ponape by
any scientific individuals was in 186G,
when the Austrian frigate Novara call
ed at the island. Other than this the
existence of these interesting ruins is
hardly known to the general scientific
world. San Francisco Chronicle.
An Odd Character.
An odd character is Maj. C. C. Ben
nett, who was sent to the city hospital
late one ev.ening recently by Dr. Priest.
He is well advanced toward the al
lotcd four-score years and ten, and is
now broken in spirit and physique.
For sixteen years he was a resident of
Honolulu, and only recently returned
to his own country. He is now in that
condition which is technically termed
on his uppers," but, although the
drafts on his pocket arc protested, his
fund of information is still replete.
I first went to the Sandwich Islands
for my health." said the major. "In
1851 I started across the plains to Cali
fornia, and while on top of the Sierra
Nevada mountains I was caught in a
snow-storm that came near ending my
life. When rescued I eould not speak,
and as a result sustained & severe
paralytic stroke. After stopping in
'Frisco several years I. went to the
Sandwich Islands, but only stopped a
short time. I returned to Honolulu in
1865, and among my fellow-passengers
on the steamer was Sam Clemens, who
had already gained a reputation on the
coast as a humorist. He was then
writing for the Alia California and the
Sacramento Union. He was about 80
years of age, and as jolly a fellow as
you ever saw, brimful of funny stories
which he was continually telling, and
whenever he heard a funny oue he
froze to it, dressed it up, and told it in
"better style than he heard it.
"The women could shut him up,
though. He was what I'd call a bash
ful man, and whenever a lady appeared
near him he was as dumb as an oyster.
If the female intruded in the middle of
a yarn he shut up and sneaked off when
he found a good opportunity. Twain
only stopped on the islands a short
time, but he had many experiences that
he did not publish. The native girls
had great fun with him bathing in the
surf, and one timo came near drown
ing him. Mark was a fair swimmer,
but no one except a native could swim
in the heavy surf that rolls on the
beaches. They used to make the bath
more agreeable by securing a board
about four feet hmg on which they sup
ported themselves. He went out on a
board with a bevy of bathers one day,
among whom were half a dozen native
girls 14 yearn of age. They splashed,
ducked, and thumped him until the
breath was out of his body, and he was
dragged on the beach unconscious.
Then he was stood on hisliead, lifted
up, and dropped like a ujle-driver until
the water was supposed to be out of
him. He revived under treatment but
didn't see the joke, and afterward re
ferred to the girls as devils. He visited
tho volcanoes, made canoe voyages
around the island, tried to make some
of the savages laugh at his antics, and
then returned to 'Frisco."
"What is the native population oi
the islands now?"
"Five years ago it was 5,000, and
the former population was 45,000.
Notwithstanding the glowing reports
sent by the missionaries from the
island, Christianity is a failure. The
natives have become so debased and de
graded by foreign contact that im
morality is natural with them. Dis
ease, leprosy, and opium have entirely
decimated the race. Two Chinamen in
Honolulu pay a license of $40,000 each
per annum for tho privilege of selling
Were you acquaiucd with Clans
"Was I? Well, 1 should say so.
When I iir.".t went to 'Frisco in 1851 he
was keeping a gin-mill with a board
resting on two barrels for a counter.
When I went to Honolulu he was there
again dealing in liquor in a small way.
lie. made money, bought up plantations
cheap, and soon owned half tho island.
He is now worth nearly f 100,000,000,
and controls the sugar trade of the
"I started in the stationery business,
but the public would not read. I tried
to make them, and started a weekly,
the files of which you see over there.
I published this five years, doing most
of the writing myself, but finally it went
under in 1874. I returned to this coun
try four years ago, and when I got
broke I began to lecture. The erysipe
las got a hold of me, and here I am."
The major has not lectured under the
auspices of any bureau, but catches the
public eye with a small handbill bear
ing the following:
"Maj. C. C. Bennett, tho extensive
traveler and renowned historian, and
for sixteen years a resident of the
Sandwich Islands, will give one of his
intensely instructive and deeply inter
esting lectures on the subject of 'Life
in the Sandwich Islands.' Mention
will be made of the origin of the
Hawiaiian race, their discovery, over
throw of idolatry, missionaries, curse
of Chinese leprosy and'opium, the great
volcano, goddess of fire, great eruption
of 18C8, and the lost continent." BL
Rarefied Air and Mania.
It is strange how some people are
affected by the light air and 6,000 feet
altitude of Cheyenne," said Policeman
Bean in a recent conversation, as re
corded in the Cheyenne Sun.
"A short time ago a book agent
reached here from Denver. He was
rather a cadaverous-looking chap, who
didn't seem to pack around more blood
in his constitution than the law allows.
As the train neared Cheyenne he bo
gan to glare around the car as if he
was afraid somebody was going to slue
him, and when the news agent parsed
through peddling some oranges he
fairly yelled for them to take him away.
He was afraid of being killed. When
he reached here he got spells in the
same way, and I had a good deal of
bother in soothing him.
"When he wasn't flighty he told me
that he had often been troubled that
way when he reached any tolerably
high altitude. The least excitement
brought on a fresh spell. I learned
afterward that he never had any sueh
attacks at home. In my experience at
the depot here I have known of many
people who have been troubled in the
same way. This seems to be especially
true to ladies, who grow worse until
they begin to descend the hill from
Sherman to Laramie City, and on in
quiring from the trainmen I learn that
afterward they go through all righL"
"You remember that little fellow
from Nevada, who cut up such tan
trums at the depot here a few months
ago?" asked the Judge.
The listener intimated that he hadn't
forgotten the circumstances.
"Well, that fellow began to show
the effects of the altitude as the train
neared Cheyenne. By the time he had
reached here he had barricaded him
self in the retiring-room and was about
to throw himself out of the window
when the trainmen forced their way
in and caught him. He was sure sonie-bod-
was going to kill him. I got
him away from the crowd and told
him I'd protect him, and finally got
him quieted down. The trainmen
looked after him until they began to
descend from Sherman, and soon aft
erward he seemed to be as sane as any
body. "It was only a few days later that an
old lady on the train was Aakcn in the
same way. She got it into her head
that a colored womon in the far end of
the car had foul designs upon her.
Until the train reached Chej'enne the
unfortunate daughter of Africa did not
dare move a muscle for fear of throw
ing the old lady into convulsions.
Cases of this sort turn up often."
"What sort of people seem to be
most affected that way?" was asked.
"They are generally thin-blooded,
nervous people, who, if they are in fair
health, hare got but little vitality back
of them," was the reply. "Very nerv
ous old women are very often the vic
tims. A slight jar or shock sets them
to going, and then the depot-rustler
has a picnic on his hands and no mis
take. Their mauia always assumes
the same phasethey always believe
somebody is going to kill them."
The Polite Reporter.
When the Princess Louise, accom
panied by her brother. Prince Leopold,
visited Niagara Falls about seven
years ago, she was for the first time
acquainted with the quality of a gen
uine American reporter's cheek. Half
.a dozen lackeys and a score of Cana
dian newspaper men accompanied the
distinguished tourists from Montreal.
Two Buffalo reporters were at tho
Prospect House, adjacent to the Horse
Shoe Falls, to meet the visitors. One
of tho Montreal reporters, apparently
the chosen leader of the .Canadian press
delegation, patronizingly offered to
take tho American knights of the pen
oil under his wing. He proudly affirm
ed that he was "solid" with tho man
who looked after royalty's baggage.
"Thank you, old boy, I guess we can
get along," said one of the Buffalo re
porters, a handsome, cheery, and gen
tlemanly lad, to whose cheek the flush
'of diffidence had never come.- When
Louise and Leopold drove up to the
hotel the lackeys and the Canadian re
porters respectfully drew back and un
covered their heads. The breezy young
American reporter advanced to the
carriage, tipped his hat gallantly, and
gracefully assisted the Queen's daugh
ter to alight.
"Oh, where are .the Falls?" the
Princess exclaimed, with the enthu
siasm of great but long-deferred ex
pectations. The young man from Buffalo, coolly
assuming that the question was direct
ed to him personally, said: "The best
sight can be obtained a few rods down
the road. Allow, me to show you the
way." Bowing pleasantly to Prince
Leopold the young Buffalonian placed
himself at the Princess's side, and by
that rare and irristible nerve force that
forms the basis of monumental cheek,
he impelled the two children of royalty
to trudge down the dusty road with
him. "There are the Falls. What do
you think of them?" said the reporter
as they reached a commanding emi
nence on the river's bank.
"Very fine," said Leopold.
"Beautiful! Grand! Sublime!" said
the Princess earnestly. "What a won
derful manifestation of power!"
"Yes, it is an impressive sight," re
sponded the reporter, with an efl'ort to
place himself en rapport with the Prin
cess. For several minutes the trio
stood looking at the great cataract,
and a few more adjectives were uttered.
The conscienceless interviewer plied
his arts skillfully, and succeeded in
putting both the Prince and Princess in
very good humor. He supplied them
liberally with "facts" concerning the
Falls, the whirlpool, the Suspension
Bridge, and Table Rock, near which
they stood, ant he threw in oue or two
neatly phrased funny stories by way of
"By the way, who are j'ou?" said
Leopold, after he had laughed for the
fourth or fifth time at the reporter's
- Oh, I am a reporter for the Buffalo
," said the young man, with beam
"What, a reporter?" exclaimed the
Princo, in a tone of alarm.
"But you are not a bit like other re
porters," said Louise, graciously, as
her glance turned instinctively to the
group of Canadian reporters, who
were patiently waiting to witness the
discomfiture of the cheeky young Am
erican. "I am very much obliged to
you for your kind attentions, and I am
glad that we met you," concluded the
Princess cordially, meanwhile extend
ing her hand.
"Thank you. Princess," responded
the Buffalonian heartily, as he clasped
the proffered hand.
"And I also am obliged to j'on," 6aid
Leopold somewhat stiffly.
"That's all right. Prince," responded
the reporter genially, as he bent big
steps toward the hotel.
A Modest Maiden.
Said Seth Green, the fish culturist:
"I was trout fishing on Pine creek,
Pennsylvania, below Smith's dam. The
creek below the dam was about five
rods across, and the bottom covered
with 'hard heads,' from the size of a
goose egg to a barrel. The water was
three feet deep and ran like a mill tail.
About ten rods below it ran into a hole
ten feet deep, and whirled around like
the whirlpool of Niagara. There was
no escape there for anybody if he was
unlucky enough to get in, unless he
was a very expert swimmer. There
were saw-horses placed across the creek
and planks fastened to them for a foot
bridge. I had a twelve-pound basket
nearly filled when I saw an eighteen-year-old
girl come on the bridge. When
she got to me I stepped on one of the
sawhorses to let llcr pass. I watched
her as she continued and don't think
she had got more than thirty feet from
me before I noticed that her head be
gan to swim. She gave one of those
peculiar screams such as is natural to
all girls when in danger, tottered for
an instant and fell head foremost down
stream, and boing buoyed up some
what by her clothing the swift current
carried her rapidly along toward the
deep hole. To drop my rod and jump
into the water was but the work of a
second, and I made my way over the
hard heads' in three feet of wafer as
fast as I could. I went down twice,
but kept going and overtook her about
fifty or sixty feet from where she went
in, and then began the struggle. I
grabbed her and turned her around,
and the first thing she did was to clutch
me with one hand and push her cloth
ing down with the other, and when she
had got them below the surface we
were both taken off our feet and went
slipping and floating down. We went
three rods before I gained a footing.
The girl must have been very fond of
me, for I never got such a hugging in
my life as she gave me. I had my
trout basket with the strap hung over
my shoulder. I kept swinging it
around, and it looked at one time very
much as though we three would go into
the deep hole. Well. I finally -got a
firm foot-hold, and then I had a pain
ful duty to perform, and that was to
stop that girl hugging me and get her
quieted down so that she knew what
she was about I told her that she must
take hold of her garments, and with
both hands raise them above the top of
the water, or we never could get back
to the bridge against the current I
placed her in front of me, and put my
arms around her, and we went lock
step back to the bridge. I tell you, it
was a severe wrestle with the bowl
ders, current and basket of fish, butwt
reached there at last, and then contin
ued the same step to the edge of the
bridge at which she came on. She
wouldn't consent to go ashore unless I
turned my back. 'I'm old enough' to
be your grandfather,' I said. I don't
care,' says she. and began to cry.
Dammit,' says I, swearing for the sec
ond time in my life. And I turned
round and stayed in the water while
she climbed out, arranged- her skiits
and ran off. There I stood, with my
long rubber boots filled with water, and
wet from head to foot, my fish half
gone out of my basket, and three miles
between me and the hotel." Turf,
Field and Farm.
Two Balloon Stories.
In a talk with John Forcpaugh last
night, says a writer in the Philadelphia
News, I heard several interesting stor
ies of adventures with hot-air balloons.
"We used to inflate the balloons and
send them skyward at every stopping
point of tho Forepaugh show," he said,
"and I remember now one incident in
regard to these balloons which occurred
in 1874 at Chester. There was a largo
crowd on the grounds, and a man we
called Big Smith was inside the bag
while it was being inflated. At hist tho J
balloon bulged out, nearly full, and
Smith crawled from under. Twenty
five men were holding the balloon, and
Smith, after he got outside the machine,
saw a candy butcher named Mitchell
standing near him. Before any one
could count live Smith grabbed Mitch
ell, threw him in the basket, and yell
ed, 'Let go!' The men dropped tho
ropes, the balloon shot aloft like a rock
et, and ten thousand people strained
their eyes as they saw it grow smaller
and smaller, until it was out of sight.
"When the balloon was first skipping
toward heaven Mitchell's head could be
seen over the edge of the basket, as he
yelled, 'Help, for God's sake!' When
the big bag floated beyond the range ol
vision a dozen men started northward
the waj the wind. carried the balloon
in teams. They drove eight or ten
miles, and they found the balloon with
the wretched Mitchell lying helplessly
iu the basket on the bank of a creek.
Mitchell's head had actually turned
white from fright in his hour's ride in
"Several years after that, iu anothci
town, Big Smith was inside anothei
balloon while it was being inflated.
After it was full of hot air he crawled
over the edge of tho basket and another
man got in for a trip through the ozone
belt. Some one yelled, 'Let go!' The
ropes were loosened, but one rope on
the side on which Smith was getting
out, took a turn around his leg. clutch
ed him tightly, and as (he balloon shot
skyward it took Smith with it by the
ankle. His terrified companion in the
basket, who heard the cry of horror
that swept over the crowd, could not
help him, for if he changed his position
the chances were that the basket would
upset or that the rope would uncoil.
After about ten minutes the balloon
came down with Smith unconscious
and his head full of blood. However,
he recovered, and is yet in the show
From a Woman's Letter.
Alas! the sarcasm of it all! I am
not sure that I have many months of
life! But if I have what then? Dieu
sait! I can never work again! Shall I
not then pray for death as I now pray
for life? Encore! Qui sait? It is very
sad to be taken when one is in the very
flower of KssibiIities, at the desirable
time when ambition may justly look for
gratification. If I could tell you of this
hourly contemplation of what I most
loathe and dread! There are times
when I could shriek out in rebellion
against my sentence. I could fight
anything but this inexorable malady.
And I love life, and am so young in
heart and mind. I cannot measure
myself by years, I feel, or rather felt
so young. God bless you! dear friend!"
Let me kiss it a moment, then put it away.
this sad little letter that traveled to nif
From a beautiful woman of days that arc
gone, who is dying in solitude over thr
Just read it, you women! and read it, you
men! who have beauty to barter and
money to spend;
It was wrung- from a heart that Is torn with
despair, 'tis a letter of sympathy sent
to a friend.
As I think of the past there's a sigh on the
breoze, as I try to forget there's a wail
In the air,
For the darkness it closes around as we move.
anda Valley or Shadows is Vanity Fair'
Ah, the days were so sunny, the sky was sc
blue, and tho apples so readily foil tc
Of the beautiful women whoonco were so pure
as they wandered Uko Evo In Bohemia';
There was something so tender and true in the
voice of the Serpent who glided and
bask'd undor leaves
Concealing the fruit that a mtnuto destroys,
and allfetlmeof misery nover retrieves'
There were kisses In plentr.'anB Jewels galore,
and decp-sccntcd flowers to twine In th
Of the woman who drank up her Joy at a
draught, and galloped on Pleasure thro'
And now it is ended, the tipples are gone. an
the Serpent in solitude grins on thr
But the dear voice of Love, thnt was all in the
world. Is as sad as the desolate moan ol
So the women are silently praying for Death
who nover prayed once In their beauti
For the dull pain of dying, it whitens tho face,
as tho past to the heart cuts it way likr
Ah! tho sigh of regret that sinks Into tho souL
ami the wail of remembrance that sobs
on the air!
For the curtain falls slowly, tho play's at an
end. and the lights are extinguished ir
Clement Scott in the Theatre.
Getting Ahead of the Lawyer.
In a Vermont county court an un
promising looking witness was being
badgered by a clean-cut lawyer, who
stands high in his profession, and who,
although well advanced in years and
completely bald, prides himself on his
youthful appearance and personal pres
ence. The point aimed at was to determine
which of two barns, one of which was
destroyed by fire, was covered by in
surance; and the method of the. wit
ness in distinguishing them as the
old" and the "new" barn caused the
lawyer to branch out in a series of con
fusing questions, winding up with
"What is the age of the one 'ou de
fine as the old' barn, and what are
the distinguishing marks that attest its
ageP" "Wall," said the badgered
witness, looking Hie lawyer straight in
the C3e, "the old barn must have been
as old as j-ou are, and needed shing
ling full as bad." Boston Budget.
Hayes & Steelman, of Sierra City,
Cal., found a. nugget valued at $700 in
their mine, and Hayes has it on exhibj.
lion in San Francisco.
WIT AND TIMOR.
I have a theory about the dead lan
guages," remarked a Brown Univer
sity freshman. "I think they were
killed by being studied too hard.
"Well, Count, any sport this morn-
"licltM! mon ami, ery sad
siort. I 'ave shot three beautiful
misses!" He means he has missed
three beautiful shots. Punch.
An eminent scientist claims that a
sober man can become intoxicated by
passing half an hour with a drunken
man. He can if the lattor's money
holds out Burlington Free Press.
A big gopher snake in Florida re
cently swallowed a rattlesnake and
was killed by it from tho inside. This
fable teaches that it is not often safo
togophora rattlesnake. Boston Post.
Resident (facetiously) What do you
think of water as a bevcrago. Colonel?
Kentucky- Colonel As a beverage?
As a drink, do you mean? Resident
Yes. Colonel Why. I try not to think
of it at all in that connection. Pitts
That couple who has just passed us
reminds mo. of a sort of fruit which is
neither palatable nor desirable," said
a gentleman to a friend. "What
makes them so objectionable?" asked
the friend. "Thej- are a 'prickly pair.' "
"Maud has taken a severe cold," re
marked Clara. "She is threatened
with pneumonia." "How did she take
cold?" asked Ella. "She went sleigh
riding the other evening with lier
brother." "With her brother? How
improvident." A'cw York Sun.
M. Spuller, the Deputy who repre
sented France -at the Bartholdi statue
dedication, declares that in the United
States there is more liberty and less
license thau anywhere else. True, O
keen-ej'ed Spuller! more liberty to
get drunk anil less high license.
Mistress The coffee is so strong
this morning that it's absolutely bitter,
Kathleen. Maid Yis," maam. Th'
polaceman on this bate do lie com
plainin' av th' wakeness av it all win
ther, an' durin' cowld wither cook is
aft her humorin' th' poor divil a bit.
Swell No. 1 (pretending to mistake
for an usher, a rival whom he sees
standing in evening dress at the cloak
room of the theater) "Ah! have you a
programme?" Swell No. 2 (equal to
the occasion) -'Thanks my man; got
oue from the other fellow." New York
"It's been given out that my daugh
ter av:is married," said a gentleman
nearGrillin recently, "but I want, to
state there ain't no truth in it. Such
talk as that will keep the young men
away. She ain't married at all, but is
jest as williu' as ever." Columbus
Lawyer Now, you say you've known
this couple for years? Witness Yes,
sir. Lawyer Ever seen them quar
rel? Witness Never. Lawyer
They've always lived together in unity,
eh? Witness No, sir, iu Swamps
ville. Unit's about four miles from
Unity. The Judge.
At a table d'hote. An Englishman,
pointing to the piece de resistance a
huge roast turkey calls out: "Garcon,
bring me that chicken, if you please."
"I pray that monsieur will have the
kindness to wait until it is cut." "O,
nevermind aliout that, I will eat it just
as it is." French Fun.
First lady "Yes, I've tried three
different .sewing-machines in the last
six months." Second lady "What
pests these sewing machine agents are,
ain't they?" First lady "Pests?
Why, if it wasn't for them I should
have had to buy a machine ten years
aero?" New Ilaven News.
A Chicago news item states that
the American hog holds its own and
pork-packers look cheerful." When
a lady enters a passenger car and sees
a man and his feet and gripsack occu
pying four seats she must conclude
that the American hog is holding more
than its own. Norristown Herald.
"How hideous Miss Blakely looks in
that new bonnet" "I thought it was
very becoming. At least the trim
ming was very appropriate." "I
didn't notice the trimming." "The
bonnet was trimmed with ivy leaves.'"
"Ivy is very appropriate. It only
clings to old ruins." Texas Siflings.
The incarceration of a once popular
circus clown in a county jail in New
York state is probably well enough in
its way. What suffering humanity
most needs, however, is some disposal
of his collection of old jokes which
shall insure their perpetual retirement
from public view and hearing. Pitts
The Rev. Sam Jones, who is now
cvangelizing in Boston, announces that
he would like to make that town "a
suburb of glory." He will not suc
ceed, however; the people down there
would never submit to it. Now if he
wanted to make glory a suburb of Bos
ton it might be a different matter.
The Rev. Dr. Mackiuzie has been
lecturing on Munkaesy's great picture
of "Christ Before Pilate." The rever
end gentleman gave elaborate, ac
curate, and exhaustive a description of
the celebrated painting that if he
should ever have the good fortune to
see it he will be able to recognize it in
a minute. San Francisco News-Letter.
A well-known professional gentle
man said concerning the General As
sembly "investigation" and its hang
fire developments that it reminded him
of a motion made by a Connecticut
legislature on the famous "dark day."
The member rose iu his seat and with
quivering voice exclaimed: "Mr.
Speaker, I move who's afraid." Provi
Bridget "I'm goin' to lave 3z,
mum. Iv'rything about the house is
too unhand-, mum." Her mistress
"I'nl sorry to hear that you are going.
But what is that fastened to your
waist?" Bridget "It's a walkometer,
mum. It shows that I've, walked nine
miles this mornin' gittin' breakfast I
can't stand anything like that, mum."
At the club. Two gentlemen paying
at ecarte: "How is this," cries one.
You have counted three oints!"
Well, what of it?" "But you only
made two." "I assure you, monsieur
pil bet a louis that you only
have two." Softly, my friend. Per
mit me. I am not certain enough of it
to bet; but I will give you my word of
honor!" French Fun.
"That last butter was very bad,
sir," said the cook, as she left an order
for groceries. "Was it? Why, Mr.
Blank and his wife were both in here
yesterday aud hail no complaint to
mako." . "Ah! sir, but I had a little
party iu the kitchen the other night,
and you should have heard how the
coachman took on about it! Please be
a bit more careful, for I feel that my
reputation is at stake." Detroit Free
An old fanner in Readtield had a
rough family of lnys many years ago.
Ono day when he had some company
in tho fore room a tremendous uproar
was heard in the kitchen. It was evi
dent that a fearful row was in progress.
A bov broke into the room crying:
"Father, Jim is killing Hill!" The
old man waved him blandly away with
his hand, saying: "Let the lambs
play! Let the lambs play!" Dexter
m m '
Hints for Kstheie.
A pair of old castaway boots veneer
ed with gilt make a pretty wall orna
ment. To -add to the effect put patches
of cotton wool on the legs, to imitate
An old pair of corsets ornamented
with creeping vines and pretty designs
in leaf, mako a very elegant ornament
to hang over a bed-room door.
An old coal scuttle tinted with deli
cate shades of scarlet and cerulean blue
furnishes a unique relief for a dining
room wall. To brighten the effect,
place several selected vegetables in the
scuttle, allowing the tops to be seen at
a distance half way across the room.
As an ornamental design for a front
hall take a dozen tomato cans and paint
each one a different color. Tie a bow
of pretty satin ribbon of various shades
about each. Run a gaudy string
through the lot and hanjr them on the
wall close to the ceiling. One can
hardly imagine the divine effect of this
Au old tin .water sprinkler covered
with a halo of gilt stars and pulverized
glass diamonds, and suspended from a
parlor chandelier, is very attractive. A
large pink satin bow arranged over the
spout adds veiy materially to the effect
The Mun About Town.
I fell to thinking of tho rounders
and men-aboiit-towii as I leaned over
the edge of a box nnd saw them file
past me iu platoons. They go to pieces
at a faster rate than any other set of
men in the world. Many a head was
gray that did not show a sign of age
five years ago, and man after man
passed by with a careless carriage and
&se face who had not passed thirty,
but who looked and acted the man of
fifty years. Some of the men who were
turning gray when I was a boy, and
who are perhaps now forty and forty
five years of age, are round-shouldered,
bent and querulous, their faces white
and their heads bald and gray. They
were admirably dressed, their manners
eaBy and agreeable, and everybody
knew them, but they were the oldest
men in the world that night. The
average man-about-town seems to go
to pieces all at once. He is suave, well
dressed, agreeable ami apparently
healthy for a few years, and then sud
denly he goes all to pot. It never
changes his manner or his habit It
holds him up as an appalling example
to younger men, but I doubt if it ever
does any good. -V. Y. Letter to San
In a recent issue the Arizona Howler
says: 'tWe have received from John
Smallwart, of Grab Hollow, the follow
ing note: 'Inclosed find 50 cents for
which per your premium ofier in last
week's issue send me your valuable
paper for one year, and also one sew
ing machine with latest improvements,
one oil painting of the President aud
family, one barrel of flour, XXXXXX
brand preferred, and one complete
guide to poker.' In his eagerness to
send us his wealth, Mr. Smallwart for
got to notice that iu addition to the
above valuable premium'., we also send
to our new subscribers a deed for a
corner lot in Dead Man's Gulch. Step
up lively, gentlemen; now is the time
Italy does better than the United
States iu the matter of monuments.
One has been erected to Victor Em
manuel at Turin costing 200.000, all
of which was paid bj- King Humbert
Another is going up on the Jauiculum
in Rome to Garibaldi, to cost as much.
Milan, Naples. Genoa, Palermo, and
Bologna are putting up monuments to
Victor Emmanuel costing from $50,000
to $100,000 each, and Genoa is spend
ing $30,000 on one to Mazzini.
The late Commodore Vanderbilt was
one of the strongest men we ever
knew, and yet lie labored under the
delusion that a clairvoyant whom he
had once met was able to tell from the
mere inspection of a lock of hair the
trouble that the owner of the hair suf
fered from. We repeatedly heard him
avow his belief in the clairvo'ant, and
knew him once to send a member of
congress to her for treatment. N. Y.
After the opera: Twelve 3 ear old
miss The opera was very long, wasn't
it mamma? Mamma Yes, daughter,
and very stylish. Miss- The ballet
girls don't sing, do the mamma?
Mamma No, daughter. Miss Why
do they have tho ballet, then, mamma?
Papa To make the opera as brond us
it is long, daughter. Don't ask any
more questions. Washington Critic.
One of the most striking figures in
New York city is that of Mr. David
Dudley Field. Old enough to be a
grandfather to half the folks he passes,
he is one of the most vigorous and act
ive pedestrians in the throng. It is
said he lives mainly for one thiug. and
that is to see his codification of the
laws adopted by the state.
The menu of an afternoon tea given
recently by the daughter of a Murray
hill millionaire consisted only of black
tea served in common blues tone china
and potato cakes on tiny tin plates.
Alexander Dumas, the younger, is now
in bis 63d year and his hair is silvery
nd the lorgetit Paid im Caak Capital of
any bank in this part of the State.
Authorized Capital of $250,000,
A Surplus Fund of - $20,000,
y Dtjxtsita received and iutervot iaid oa
ty Drafts on the principal citii in thincoun
trj and Europe bonght and Bold.
jyCullectionsi and all other buinctu gion
prompt and careful attention.
A. ANDERSON, PrwTt.
1IEKMAN 1. H.OEIILKICH.
J. P. HECKF.lt, HERMAN OEHLU10H.
ii. m ii u x id.
W. A. MCALLISTER.
JONAH WELCH. JOHN W. EARLY,
P. ANDEKrUlN. U. ANIIEKHON,
ROBERT UHLIO, CARL REINKE.
D.T. Makttx, M. D.
F. J. Bunco. M. D.
Drs. XARTYX ft SCHUQ,
U.S. Examining Surgeons,
Loctd Surueonrt. Union IV.cific. O., N. A
H. II. and . .V M. R. It's.
CViiKulftition in ((ruum and English Telo
phoueriat otticcund reilf!ic-.
rSfOUIe? on Olive ctreot, noxt to Hrxlfueh
rvr'a Jewelry Store.
AMiiro: inKAUixn. .,
PHYSICIAX AXh SUKGKUX.
PlattM Center, NVIirankiu V-y
Z-'IH' AND COLLECTION OFFICE.
Upntairx KriiHt ImiMiiiK. tlth street.
oiii.i.ivak Ac ki:i:ii:k,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
OHiee over Fitt Nhtionnl Hunk. Colmnlms,
'1 . KVAHM, 91. IK,
niYsicux axi scnciEox.
(SfOtiice and room. (Sluck ImiMintr, lllh
Htreet. Telephone iiiuununiration. -'
ATTOIiiXEYS AT LAW,
Office up-ptnirH in Henry's building, corner of
01ie and 11th street. V. A. McAHiwter, No
GyPnrtiet ileniriinc mineying done can ml
drenh tue nt Colmnbun, Neb., or rail nt nil otlico
in Court House. Sinnj.-rt-y
W. H. Tedrow, Co Snpt.
1 will lie at my olKcin the Court HoiiM'tlut
third Saturday of ein-li month for the examina
tion of teachers. ?J-tf
K. J. CHAN. -,l,Y,
fctyOllice 11th Street. Contultation in En
Klixh, French and (iennan. 'JmarST
JOHN (i. H1GG1NS. C. J.JARLOW,
HIGGIHS & GARLOW,
Specialty made of Collections by C. J. (iiirlow.
Ckreaio Diaeaaes aad Diseases of
Children a Specialtv.
SST"OlKce on Olive street, three doors north of
First National Rank. '.My
llth St., opposite Lindell Hotel.
Sells Harness. Saddles, Collars. Whips. lilnnkxts,
Curry Combs, lirufthet. trunks, valises, IniKtor
tops, cushions. cnrriftKP triiiiminK, Vc, at the
lowest possible prices. Repairs promptly at
ATTORNEY AND NOTARY PUBLIC.
LAW AND COLLECTION OFFICE
J. M. HACFARLANB,
- MANUVWCTCHEIi OK
Tin and Sheet-Iron Ware !
Job-Work, Hoofing and Gutter
ing a Specialty.
EfifShop on Olive street. - dm.p north of
Brodfuehrer's Jewelry Store. " KJ-tf
Strict attention given to reiwiirinsc of Watches
nnd Jewelry. fcCVill not lie undersold by
NebtATenae. Opposite Clotker Hoase.
ran live at home, ami make more
money at work for us. than at nnr-
thirnt ele in the world. Capital not
needed: von are startid free. Both
sexes: all aKes. Anyone can do the work. I-ir(
earning sure from first Mart. Costly outfit and
terms free. Better not delay. Costs ou nothing
to send us your addre-s and find out; if you are
wise you will do eo at once. If. Hali.ett J: Co.,
Portland. Maine. dec2-'Sriy
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sult, be he experi
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aier9 and estimates
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