Nebraska Newspapers

    Nt, -. -
m
CMamte
ItfttrnaL
VOL. XVIIL-NO. 3.
COLUMBTJS, NEB., WEDNESDAY, MAY 11, 1887.
WHOLE NO. 887.
I
i
'
jr
COLUMBUS
STATE BANK.
COLUMBUS, NEB.
Cash Capital
$75,000.,
IHRE'TORS
LKiNDKR GKRKARD, I'r't.
GEO. W. II ULST, Via PrTt.
JULIUS A. KKKI).
It. II. HKN'Rl.
J. K TASKKi:. C.mliier.
Buk of lepoIt, lincoaat
sml Kudianice.
CellcctioaN Iromptl3' .tlnde est
mil PelaU.
Pa)' laitcreNi 01 Time Depos
it. 274
COLUMBUS
Savings Bank,
LOAN & TRUST COMPANY.
Capital Stock,
SI 00,000.
OFF1CKKB:
A. ANDERSON. Preh't,
O. V. SHELDON. Vice Pres't.
O. T. ROEN. Trens.
ItORKRT UIILIG, Sec.
55-Will receive time deposits, from $1.00
and any amount upward, ami will pa the cus.
tomary rate of interest.
o
SSp-We particularly draw jour atlnntion to
our facilities for inakinx loaim on real estate, at
the lowuftt rate of interest.
-o
ay-City, School imd Countj Bonds, and in
ilif idaal securities are bought. . ItJjune'aCy
FOR TIIE
CALL OX
A.&M.TURNER
Or . W. KIKLEU,
Traveling: Salesman.
PPT-Thwo orpins are fin-t-claw. in every iar-
ticular, and m guaranteed.
SCHIFFROTH t PUTN,
DKH.F.US IX
WIND MILLS,
AND PUMPS.
Buckeye Mower, combined, Self
Binder, wire or twine.
Flaps Repaired on short sotice
yOne door west of Heintz's Drue Store, llth
street, common, aeu. !'"""
HENRY G-ASS.
UNDEKTAKER !
COFFINS AND METALLIC CASES
AND DIALER'S
Pmniltmro, Chairs, Bedsteads, Ba
lsams. Tables, Safes. Lounges,
Ac. Picture Frames and
Mouldings.
XFRepairing of all kinds of Uphol
stery Goods.
S-tf COLUMBUS. NEBRASKA.
PATENTS
CtYE.TS. TRADE' MAKES A.D COPTEIGITS
Obtained, and all other business in the U. B.
Patent Office attended to- for MODERATE
FEES.
Oar ofioe is opposite the U. S. Patent Office,
sad va can obtsjn-Patents in let time tlian those
remote from WASHINGTON.
8ead MODEL OR DRAWING. W advise as
to natentability free of charge: and make NO
CHARGE UNLESS WE OBTAIN. PATENT.
We refer here "to the Postmaster, the Supt. of
Money Order Div., and to officials of the U. 8.
Patent Office. For circulars, advice, terms and
ret erenow to actual clients in your own State or
county, write to
Opposite PatestOEca, WashingtonTDrc,
, ffiKwlWsssaMsssliaaaaaW
WESTERN COTTAGE ORGAN
" aSBsk a sa ai aaaaaaaaaasar
SOUTH AMERICAN WONDERS
Or. RoBby'a Experience with tha Natlrtf
and the Native AnliaaU.
There is a big room or two up at
Columbia College in which are spread
abroad more wonders than were ever
dreamt of in Horatio's philosophy.
Birds, beasts, lishes, plants of strange
nature, Indian relics, and all manner
of South American wonders are here,
the prizes captured in a two years'
struggle with danger and suffering by
an American scientific investigator.
Tin owner of these treasures is Dr.
Henry H. Rosby of Detroit, who, rep
resenting Parke. Davis & Co. of tliat
city. Jan. 10. 1885, left New York for
a tour through Chili and Bolivia in the
hope of discovering amid the fauna
and iloi-.i of the Andes and the Ama
zon some valuable additions to the
medicinal riches of the American phar
macopeia. Dr. Itosby's adventures were many
and interesting, and in due time will
be given to the world in a book, He
met the sorocho in his native lair, did
battle with the Caripuna Indians and
the man-eating lish and alligators of
the Beni Itiver, broiled in the stenches
of La Paz. the filthiest city this side of
Constantinople, took his daily dose of
quinine like a little man, and saw the
place where o.OOO.OOO cinchona trees
are growing, the source from which all
the calisaya cocktails of the future
must come. From all this he came out
much the worse for wear, but still full
of enthusiasm.
Dr. Rosb- intended to land at Mal
lendo and go direct to Bolivia, but the
Peruvian war prevented. Gen. Caceras
was making things lively for the au
thorities. So he was obliged to travel
by mule from Taenia to- La Paz, a
sown days' journey, going from Arica
to Taenia by rail, a tough journey
across a desert, without the shade of a
spear of grass to relieve the monotony.
"The whole country of Arica and
Taenia has been captured by the Chil
ians," said the doctor. "It is to be
kept for ten years. At the end of that
time the inhabitants will vote whether
to remain in Chili or go back to Peru.
The country which gets them must pay
$10,000,000 for the prize. Meanwhile
Chili is doing everything possible to
make things pleasant for the people
with music and games. The Chilians'
present purpose is to have a United
Suites of South America, capturing
the other countries little by little, and
gradually adding to their strength and
wealth. They are a bloodthirsty peo
ple, loving war, and -extremely brutal in
carrying it on. Ihey murder men,
women, and children with impartial
cruelty, ripping them open with big
knives.
"Our journey from Taenia was one
of terrible suffering. It was upon a
high tahleluud, reaching an elevation
of 1G.500 feet, and for five days we
journeyed at an average elevation of
14,'tOO feet. The air was so rarefied
that we suffered much from sorocho,
the chief symptoms of which were
difficulty in breathing, prostrating
muscular weakness, and bleeding at
the nose and ears. We passed the
be autiful volcano of Tacoso, which dis
charges across the road a river, the
water of which is fatal to human life.
Men often commit suicide on the table
laud, they suffer so much from sorocho.
There is also great danger from light
ning, which is frequent and violent."
Dr. Rosby crossed the Amies with
much tribulation, and went to work
among the valleys of the eastern slope.
He advises investors to keep away from
the old Spauish silver mines, and says
that any belief that they were crudely
worked is a mistake. The Spaniards
did not leave much mineral richness
behind in their mines. "In Bolivia,"
he said, "half the silver is counterfeit.
A Consul who had grown tired of
making coin sold his counterfeiting
machine to one of our party. And I
wish to say right here that up to the
present Administration the diplomatic
service sent to Bolivia from our coun
try has been scandalous. Drunken
ness, bribery, and the counterfeiting of
money have made America's agents a
byword among the Bolivians. I wish
to except Mr. Gibbs and one other,
who were honest men and much liked
b' the natives."
The doctor proposes to stir up these
scandals in his book and claims to
have some very lively evidence to offer.
The liveliest part of his journey was
on the Beni River, where it was worth
a man's life to take a bath and where
he lost his boat, his provisions, and the
Waterbury watches with which he was
purchasing all sorts of valuable things
from the natives. But he got through
in spite of insects and monsters, and
having only one day of fever in a land
where fever grows on every bush he
satisfied himself that a scientific use of
quinine makes a man impervious to it.
Among the wonders which the doctor
met was a half-pound fish, so sensitive
that it attacked anything which caused
a commotion in the water and so fierce
that it would kill horse or man in
crossing a stream 1 (XV. feet wide. He
found a tribe of Indians so virtuous
that they tied the unfaithful to ant
trees and the little insects would eat
them alive, stripping the bones in less
than twenty-four hours. In brief, he
had a great time. X. Y. World.
i
Interviewing Dickens.
In a musty little dressing room just
off the stage of St. James' Hall, in Buf
falo, Charles Dickens gave an ambitious
young newspaper reporter his first les
son in interviewing. That was more
than twenty years ago and during Mr.
Dickens's last visit to this country.
The great novelist gave two public
readings in Buffalo, and on the day af
ter his reading in that city he went to
the Niagara Falls with a party of friends.
It was to obtain his" "impressions" of the
Falls that the ambitious young reporter
sought Mr. Dickens a few minutes lie
fore the rising of the curtain on his sec
ond night's entertainment. As luck
would have it the distinguished author
was alone in the dressing room. He
was sitting at a rude pine table reading
a newspaper by the light of a splutter
ing candle.
"What is it, young man?" he said,
somewhat gruffly, as soon as he became
aware of the reporter's presence.
"I am a reporter for the Buffalo Ex
press," said the intruder with forced
calmness.
. "Yes, yes! well, what is it?" exclaim
ed Mr. Dickens in a tone so freezing
that the reporter shivered and instinct
ively turned toward the door, in ex
pectation of an admonition to "Get
out!"
"Well, what do you want?" repeated
the great Boz.
"Wh-wh-what do you think of
Niagara Falls?" stammered the report
er. "None of your " began the famous
novelist with rising asperity.
"I beg your pardon, excuse me, I
thought " nervously interjected the
reporter, as he edged towards the door.
"Wait a moment. Come here!" Mr.
Dickens' demeanor and tone had chang
ed completely. The reporter looked up
in surprise. The expression of annoy
ance in the face of the novelist had giv
en way to one of amused interest. "So
you were sent to interview me, were
you?" said he pleasantly. "Well, I
hope you will excuse my candor in say
ing that your paper could not have sent
a person less likely to succeed, even if
I were willing to be interviewed; which
I am not. My young friend, let me
give you a word of advice. When you
want to interview a man don't act as if
you were afraid of him,and don't
throw a net at him as though you were
seeking fish in invisible depths. No
man whose opinions are worth publish
ing will respond to a wholesale invita
tion to unbosom himself. Don't ask
weak or frivolous questions. You must
have an intelligent plan of campaign
when you go interviewing. First of all
you must know just what you want to
say and your questions must be suffic
iently incisive to awaken the interest
of the person to whom they are address
ed. Once 3'ou get a man interested in
a subject it will require only a little in
genuity to keep him talking. After
what I have seen to day I cau not help
feeling an interest in Niagara Falls.but
if you will excuse me for saying so, you
lack the ingenuity to set me talking on
the subject. I wish you well, however.
Good night"
Mr. Dickens's "impressions" of Ni
agara Falls were not printed in any
Buffalo newspaper the next day, but
Ids pithy remarks on the subject of in
terviewing were printed on the tablets
of that young reporter's memory in
red ink, as it were.
s
Silly, Romantic Maidens.
"You common folk know nothing
about adoration," cried a popular act
ress the other day. "If you want to
be incumbered, swathed about, as it
were, with undying devotion, you must
go upon the stage. The adoration will
come mostly from young girls under
18, it is true, but then what matter
where one gets one's sweets so that
they are an assured quality?
"Baltimore is particularly notable
for lovelorn maidens of this type, and
I have had as many as a dozen letters
a day from them.
"What do they want? To see me, to
kiss me, to look at me! They send me
fruit and flowers, bon-bons and books,
and they come up here and positively
walk into my room. I very naturally
say. I don't know you. Who are you?
What do you want? For heaven's sake
go away.' I positively turn them out.
Then, after a time, there comes anoth
er knock at the door. I look out cau
tiously. " 4Ah,' they say, my dear Mrs. ,
just let us see you a minute. O, do,
do, do!' Then I say 'No!' very flatly.
'Well, then, let us just kiss your hand.
Pleaseput your hand through the door,
and we'll kiss it and go right away.'
As I'm not particular about being a
party to such idiocy I persist in my re
fusal. I'm sure I can't imagine what
they mean by it. It makes me blush
for womankind. I wonder why their
mothers don't give them something to
keep them busy and prevent them from
making such horrible fools of them
selves. They becenie positively maud
lin for want of something to do or some
reasonable object to centre their sur
plus ardency upon. And then the im
pudence of them!
"The other night I came out of my
dressing-room after the evening's per
formance, and found a pale-faced girl
standing there, as lynx-eyed as a
Sheriff. As soon as she saw me she
ran up and caught hold of me and said:
O, please, Mrs. , can't I ride home
with you in your carriage?'
'Why, certainly not,' I replied. She
didn't seem at all abashed, but looked
at me patronizingly and said:
" 'I just wanted to tell you I felt a
sort of pity for you.'
" 'Pit- for me,' I gasped, 'mv poor
little child there is 2,000 in the house.
I think you had better go home and
pray to be like me.' I suppose the
ridiculous infant had conjured up the
idea that her artless sympathy would
be a great beneficence.
"Another annoyance which every
actress is subjected to is the treatment
of the mob which waits about the
theatre doors. English mobs have
some features which are more terrible
than American mobs. They are really
more dangerous but not so impudent
as American crowds.
"Once, when I got out of my car
riage in London to go into the theater
there was a very ill-natured mob about
the doors, and one hideous old woman
hit me violently across the back with
her umbrella and leered a frightful
face up at me.
" 'Do you think you're a lovely wo
man,' she shrieked.
" 'No,' said I, I don't. Do you?'
The crowd stopped grumbling and be
gan laughing. It's easy enough to
deal with an English mob if one only
knows the way to do it.
"Here the crowds are mostly made
up of young boys, and they are incor
rigible and shout the most dreadful
things after one. There seems to be
no effort to stop them at all. It is like
encountering shot and shell to go from
the theater to the carriage."
A Modern Xantlppe.
Jim Akers was a small, tow-headed,
knock-kneed man, with irregular teeth,
which made his mouth look like a steel
trap twisted out of plumb, says the
Southern Bivouac. His wife was a
large, raw-boned woman, fully a head
taller and fifty pounds heavier than
Jim. She had the temper of a half
famished wildcat, and no darky just
"gittin' religion" was ever half as
much afraid of the devil as Jim was of
her; he had reason to be. When 6he was
fairly on the warpath she breathed
chain lightuing and flung cyclones
from the tip of her tongue. Nor did
&be content herself with words only,
however bitter and furious. She very
often brushed the poor little wretch
with a hickory uatil he fait as if he
naa oorrowea nis oact: ot a saint tresn
from the gridiron.
One bright, golden, delicious after
noon in the latter part of May, Jim
left the patch where he had been hard
at work all day and "snuck een" to
his cabin by the back way. He pro
ceeded hastily to doff his every-day
clothes and don Ijis Sunday garments,
casting furtive glances all the while at
the black-browed, terrible dame sitting
in the front doorway knitting. With
trembling haste he completed his pre
parations and was shambling out
again, when his wife, previously ap
parently oblivious of his presence,
shot a fierco glance at him, which
made him jump almost out of his shoes
and brought the perspiration out from
every pore.
"Whar you boun' fur?" she asked.
"I 'lowed I wuz gwine down to the
fish-fry fur a hour or two. Them boys
is a hevin' "
"Well, you Mowed wrong. You jest
histe off them close, and go back inter
that patch and finish hoein' them per
taters. Don't you distress -yeielf
'bout no fish-fries."
"But I done tole the boys I wuz
gwine to be thar."
"Well, you tole Vra a lie."
"But Ed Sykes and Hank Evans is
a waitin' fur me now at the crossroads,
and I'd ruther not disappiut 'em."
"Well, I'd ruther you would. Shet
up, now, and do ez you're told."
Jim gasped and quaked with fear;
but, for the first time in many years,
he thoroughly realized the tyranny
under which he was crushed. His
heart was Set on going to a fish-fry,
and in that feeble, fluttering little or
gan a faint shadow, a dim eidolon of
spirit became suddenly aroused. He
hesitated a moment, ventured even to
return the gaze of those glowing,
wrathful eyes, and theu started, say
ing: "Well, I'm a-gwine."
Great Jehosaphat! Houp-la!
She swooped on him like an owl on
a mouse. The air was filled aud
darkened with dust aud sandy hair and
agonizing shrieks.
Ed Sykes aud Hank Evans, at the
"crossroads," became convinced that
Jim's cabin had caught fire, and that
he was perishing in the flames. They
rushed in all haste to his assistance,
but as they neared the spot the clatter
subsided, and they heard a stern, femi
nine voice, which caused them to halt
and keep out of sight, say:
"Now I reckon vou'll do cz ycr
tole."
Then they recognized Jim's piping
voice, protesting between convulsive
sobs:
Td sorter giv out gwine befo' you
spoke."
m i
Stole Xo More Fur.
The crowd had congregated in our
village store, says a writer in the De
troit Free Pres. The grocer had light
ed a cigar aud was sitting on a con
venient shelf with his feet upon the
counter. The conversation, which
ranged all the way from the breaking
of steers to the forecasting of the
weather for the ensuing week, had slack-a
ened; so when Uncle Dave Bagley walk-
ed in every one looked pleased.
"Hello! Uncle Dave," yelled some
body, for the old fellow is so deaf that
he can hardly hear the fall of the year.
"Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Powerful cold,"
answered the old man. "Wust I've
seen this eighteen year. Mos'es bad
es the fust winter I trapped Intennejit.
(Intermediate Lake)."
"When was that. Uncle Dave?"
"Sixtj'-four'n five. Bad time that.
Yes, siree. Powerful bad. I've seen
it so's't'd freeze the bullets 'n my old
rifull till 'e couldn't blow 'em out 'ith
powder. Had t' pull er trigger 'n then
hold 'er gun over the fire t'l she went
off. She wuz cold that winter, yes,
siree. Dang me!" and Uncle Dave
shivered at the recollection.
"Fur plenty then?"
"Yes, sir; lots of it. Hows' ever, I
didn't get much the fust fortni't."
"Couldn't catch it, eh?"
"Huh! Ketch it? Ef I c'dn't 'a'
ketched more'n a minute 'n 'e can 'n a
hull week I'd go hide," and the fellow
began growling and muttering until
the unfortunate interlocutor subsided
and was replaced by another.
"What became of it. Uncle Dave?"
"Stole."
"Who stole it?"
"'N Injun."
"Did you catch him?"
"Un hun!"
"Tell us about it."
"'Tain't much to tell," said Uncle
Dave, as he borrowed a chew of finecut
from his questioner. "Fur wa'n't so
high er it 'd be'n two er three years
afore, but it paid some bettcr'n saw
loggin' it. I backed a hundred mink
'n mushrat traps 'n five fer beaver 'n
otter clar f m Travis City, 'n built er
camp on Intermejit Soon's I got fix
ed fer livin' I put out my traps. Fust
trip around I shot a big buck 'n took in
forty rats 'n two mink. Er fisher 'd
be'n to one trap 'n stole er bait. Next
time er round the' wa'n't nothin' no
w'rs. Next time er round ther' wuz
two rats. Next time er round ther'
wa'n't nothin' now'rs. I wuz mad.
Purty soon I thort somebody'd be'n
stealin'. Artcr a bit I found er moga
sin track, en I took arter it. I kep' er
follerin' on, 'n follerin' on, 'n purty
soon I come onter a pile er dead rats
'n mink, 'n every dang one 'd be'n
skun. So I kep' er follerin' on, 'n fol
lerin on, 'n follerin' oil, 'n purty soon
I see Mr. Injun a walkin' er long
erhead, 'n he had er pile o' fur on his
shoulder 'n one er my otter in his
hand."
And then Uncle Dave settled himself
in his chair and said it would snow to
morrow. "What became of the Indian, Uncle
Dave?"
"Yes, sir! 'T's er goin' ter snow
like blazes."
"Indian. Injun, Injun. iVhat be
came of the Indian?" shrieked some
body. Oh, yes. T-h-a-t t-h-e-r-e I-n-j-u-n,"
he repeated slowly and meditatively.
"That there Injun. Wa'al, boys." I
never rightly knovsed what did become
of that there Injun."
"Did you lose any more fur?"
"No, siree. He never stole no more
fur. Not him."
The ex-Empress Eugenie at last sees
the hopelessness of the Napoleonic out
look in France, and has withdrawn the
pensions which she has paid regularly to
the supporters of the Bonaparte dynasty
ersr lines the fall of the empire.
WIT AND HCMOK.
THE FASHIONABLE FEEDER.
At a banquet one night a hungry crowd
rushed.
Yelling "Wallow, hog- wallow, hog- wal
low." .-And the pigs In the alter with one accord
blushed.
Squealing: "Wallow, ho? wallow, hog wal
low." "No wonder we're left In the alley and street.
Shut out from thu banquet aud those whe
there meet.
With that stvle of manners we cannot com
pete.
Oh, wallow, hog wallow, hog wallow."
Washington Critic.
The umbrella with the solid silvet
handle stays "borrowed" as well as an
other.
The "glass of fashion" during cold
weather "Four of Scotch, hot!"
Funny Folks.
The cost of the cigars and whisky ol
the average man would buy his wife a
300 sealskin sacque. but it doesn't.
Burlington Free Press.
The rack was onejif the instruments
of torture iu the olden time. The
music rack is usually used for the same
'purpose to-day. Boston Manufacturers'
Gazette.
Tramp "I am in need of a little
money." Gent "Why don't you
shovel show?" "I haven't time."
"How so?" "All my time is taken up
in begging." Texas Siftings.
There was once a time when we
wondered what the difference was be
tween an nlderman-at-large and a
plain, every-day alderman. We think
we perceive a difference now. Life.
Little boy pulls a reveler iu a saloon
by the coat-tail. "What do you want.
Tommy?" "Come home, pa. Ma has
been Availing with the poker for you
for the last two hours." Texas Sifl
ings. An inventor at Stuttgart is said to
have perfected a machine for deadening
the sound of a piano. It will not be a
success. The only sure way to keep a
piano quiet is to deaden the pianist.
Utica Observer.
A Massachusetts soldier who was a
prisouer in Libby advertises for some
one "who can remember whether he
had Boston baked beans served him or
not." If not, he will apply for a pen
sion. Detroit Free Press.
"If there is anything I like better
than classical music," said Maj. Bran
nigan in a high voice, as he moved
with the throng out of the concert
roon, "it's lemons. They both set my
teeth on edge." San Francisco Post.
First Knight of Labor "What do
you suppose Smith said the first time
he saw that baby of his?" Second
Knight "Give it up. What did he
say?" First Knght "Let's make a
knight of it.". Burlington Free Press.
Western highwayman (to supposed
merchant) Halt, and throw up your
hands! Traveler (shaking his sleeves)
There they are, eight aces and eight
kings. Highwayman Say, pard, can
you gimme a chew? Xew Haven
News.
Father (to daughter) "Have you
accepted the addresses of Mr. Money
bags?" Daughter "Yes, papa."
Father "Well, isn't he very 'old my
dear?" Daughter "Yes, papa; but he
isn't nearly as old as I wish he were."
Xeu York Sun.
"Well, I declare," exclaimed Mrs.
McSwilligan, "if one of those Chicago
Anarchists isn't going to be married.
I think it's a rank shame." "So do I,"
replied her husband. "I think hang
ing is punishment enough for him."
Pittsburg Chronicle.
Connoisseur (looking at the picture
of a female head) "Ah! Here's some
thing worth looking at. One of the
old masters; no doubt of iL" His
daughter "Why, pa, how blind you
are getting! Can't you see it's a wo
man?" Boston Transcript.
Mother "Good night, Robbie; don't
forget to say your prayers." Robbie
"But mamma, I don't have to say my
prayers any more." Mother "What
do "you mean?" Robbie "Why I
forgot to say them last night and I
was all right this morning." Harvard
Lampoon.
First worshipir "Why are you
wearing those big thick ear-muffs.
Smith, it isn't cold?" Second wor
shipper "I am going to church." "So
am 1; but what of that?" "We have
discharged our choir
have congregational
Tid-Bits.
and are going to
singing to-dav."
An "impressionist" sent in a "Sun
set" picture to the Royal Academy. He
carefully marked on the back of the
frame which was the right side up, but
he added, in. a polite note, "Should m)'
work be placed on your wall upside
down, please catalogue itas a sunrise."
London Telegraph.
Sweet girl "And so you have been
on the plains for ten years?" Hand
some cowboy "Yes, this is the first
time I've been back into real civiliza
tion." "Now, please tell me, in that
lonely life, so far removed from the
refining influences of civilization, you
know what did you miss most?"
"Oysters." The Judge.
There is a young business-man in this
city who is suffering from the curious
epistolary freak of some crank. Every
day this month he has received a let
ter in his morning mail consisting
simply of a card on which are printed
these words: "Did You Ever See a
Man Who had a Hare Lip? If so, Serve
the Lord; for He Alone Can Save."
New York Tribune.
A few months ago the newspapers
announced that a girl had been born
in Indiana without any mouth. It was
at first regarded as a serious calamity,
but as every man in Indiana seems to
be born with two or three, with the
power of acquiring as many more as
soon as he goes into politics, the girl
herself will be the only sufferer. There
are mouths enough in Indiana to go
round. Burdcttc.
He The movement agaiust the high
hat nuisuice is getting quite a boom,
isn't it? She They are making a lot
of talk about it in the newspapers, but
they will never make me take off my
hat in a public hall never. He I
think I might bring it about my dear,
if I were to cut off your allowance. If
you didn't have a new hat every six
weeks you might iiotobject so much to
its removal. Lowell Citizen.
A negro iu Alabama was brought up
for stealing a pair of chickens, but de
clared solemnly that he "didn't steal
dem ar fowls," declaring, on the other
hand, that the complainant had beaten
him brutally with a club. "B.ut," eaid
the judge, "you are twice as large and
strong as he is; why didn't you defend
yourself?" "Why, jedge, see hyar; I
had a chicken in each hand, an' what's
two raw chickens agin' a club?" Life.
Manager (to supernumerary) "I
am goiiig to give you a small" part iu
the new play; do you wish your real
name on the. bill, or will you use an
assumed name?" Supe "I guess I
will use an assumed name." M.
"Verv good: what shall it be?" S
"Sig." Vermicelli." M. "That's a
high-sounding name; why do you use
Vermicelli? Got it out of a cook-book,
did you?" S. "Yes, and I use it be
cause I am a supe, you know." Bos
ton Courier.
A 5-year-old friend of ours, starting
out for a children's .party the other af
ternoon, remarks to the maid who is
taking him to the place of entertain
ment: "Well, I've made up my mind
to be a perfect gentleman to-day; I
don't mean to kick a single girl." Up
on his return home he was questioned
as to his behavior by his mamma.
to yell -Chestnuts' when they
played the 'Mikado' on the piano."
Harper's Bitmr.
Genevieve Ward's Dog.
Miss Genevieve Ward has a famous
dog. and thereby hangs a tale. A tail
hangs by most dogs, except bull dogs
and Scotch terriers, which have their
tails cut off, probably to keep them
from being chewed off. What kind of
a dog Miss Ward's is, the reporter
docs not know; but as it has a tail, it
is neither a bull dog nor a Scotch ter
rier. As its name is Thekla, and as
Miss Ward has been all over the
world, it is probably a Russian dog.
It has grown old in her affections, and
she clings to it with unswerving devo
tion. It gives her sympathy and con
solation when business is bad, and in
these degenerate days of dime museums
and "farce-comedies," its services are
frequently needed.
A gentleman who once journeyed
from India to Australia with Thekla
and Mi."s Wartl tells the following
amusing story of their devotion to
each other. It appears that in Austra
lia there is a ridiculously large import
duty on dogs, and they are also re
quired to go into a quarantine for a
certain length of time, in order to
make sure that they will not introduce
the mange or other low diseases
among the high-bred dogs of Austra
lia, which, like other colonists, are
particularly careful of their aristocratic
belongings.
Miss Ward learned of this state of
affairs as the ship approached its desti
nation. See immediately took alarm,
and her demonstrations of affection for
Thekla increased at the rate of seven
knots an hour, the average speed of
the ship. A Mr. Basisto, a member of
the Victorian parliament, telegraphed
from Adelaide to Melbourne, trying to
have Miss Ward's dog admitted free
and at once upon the landing of the
ship. Other high political influence
was brought to bear: but when the
party got into the harbor of Mel
bourne, the purser, who had been par
ticularly objectionable during the voy
age, said that a reply had been re
ceived to the effect that Thekla must
submit to the usual indignities. Miss
Ward rushed up to the captain and,
pointing to the purser, said:
"This kangaroo says 1 can't get my
dog in. Now,- if the dog doesn't go iu
neither will I. I'll just stav with the
ship."
This was rather startling. Miss
Ward's arrival was awaited with eager
expectancy by a public that had heard
of her great charm and talent as an
actress. Her engagement was to be
the event of the Melbourne season,
and to have the whole of Australia dis
appointed because of a dog, however
expert the latter might be iu standing
on his hind legs, turning somersaults,
and other canine accomplishments,
was too much for the captain. He
said:
"Miss Ward, you just wrap that dog
up in your shawl, put a hawl-strap
around him to keep him quiet, and
carry him ashore without saying any
thing about it."
And that is how Thekla entered Mel
bourne. Whether or not Miss Ward
told the fore-warned and expectant
-custom officers that Thekla had died
of sea-sickness the reporter's informant
did not say. He did say, however,
that the passengers effected the dis
charge of the disagreeable purser,
whom Miss Ward called a kangaroo.
Louisville Courier-Journal.
Bewildered Geese.
Beetles and moths flutter fatally into
the flames of our lamps; and storm
driven swallows and sea-birds dash
blindly against the lighthouses on the
coast, and fall dead upon the rocks be
low. A sparrow has lieen seen to fly
into a room in the evening, and per
sistently and painfully scorch its wings
by repeatedly flying into the blazing
gas; aud a ruffled grouse one winter
evening was known to flv headlong
through a pane of glass into the hall
of a house in a thickly-settled village.
Doubtless records of innumerable simi
lar instances could be collected but it
is notvoften that a whnle flock of wild
geese startle a man so strangely as the
flock thus described in the Hartford
Times:
Among the many 'folk-lore' weather
theories tho goose-bones, the muskrat
houses, ami the husks on the corn
there is one, directry connected with
the flight of the wild geese, in which
some observers seem inclined to be
lieve. If the geese generally come
down from their hyperborean solitudes
very earl, say before the end of Octo
ber, it is held to indicate an early set-ting-in
of winter, and a hard and long,
one, too. If, on the other hand, they
make their southward emigration late,
toward the close of November, and
come scattering along at irregular in
tervals, the fact is reganled as indicate
ing a more 'open' winter. If this idea
has any foundation in fact, this winter
ought to be a good one to test it. Nev
er have the geese acted so unreasona
bly or so strangely. Beginning their
migration with a few flocks at the close
of October, they seem to have kept it
up in a scattering, irregular way, until
the present time, about the middle of
December. During the driviug snow
storm of Tuesday, Dec. 7. a large flock
of these migrating birds was reported
as coming down, blinded and confused
by- the snow, into a farmer's orchard
in Litchfield county, between New
Hartford and Winsted. Attracted by
the din they made, the owner went out
and found a flock of wild geese blindly
flapping and flopping about in the
thickly-falling snow, and one, which
was knocked down by flying against
the limb of an apple-tree, he succeeded
in capturing, while the rest got up and
off again. But the flock had evidently
lost their bearings in the thick, driving
storm. The queer thing seemed to be
that any flock of geese should be such
geese as to tarry in the far north so
late iu December. Usually they come,
the great body of them, a full mouth
earlier, flying over Connecticut before
the middle of November. Swiss Cross.
Handsome Ben Ijc Fevre.
Congressman Ben Le Fevre of Ohio
is a large and handsome bachelor, and
has suave manners. Hespeuds a good
deal of his time entertaining the ladies
who visit the Capitol, and is found iu
the ladies' gallery as often an in his
seat. The waiters in the restaurant
alwavs expect him down with one of
his lady friends "abirffrrt'clodkrjrnU
usually save up something nice. He
treats all his favorites impartially, but
dislikes a crowd, and never invites
more than one to lunch with him. Mr.
Le Fevre has adopted a system of
siguals for communicating with his
lady friends, and has given the key to
quite a number of them, for he is not
devoted to any particular one. When
he wants a lady to lunch with him, for
instance, he makes a sign toward the
gallery where she is sitting and she,
like Daw Crockett's coon, comes
down, so that he, being a heavy-waisted
man and short of breath, will not have
to climb the stairs. Some of the mem
bers who sit alongside of Le Fevre in
the House have tumbled to this signal
business, having seen it going on for
a year or more, and now watch the
Ohio statesman to see what tlif1 effect
is. One of them says when they saw
Le Fevre signal the words "Come
down to lunch with me," yesterday,
they wont out into the corridor to see
who the lady was. To their surprise
they found Le Fevre trying to dodge
into a committee room. It so happen
ed that the galleries were pretty well
crowded with people, and Mr. Le
Fevre's ladj- friends were well repre
sented. When he gave the signal to a
particular one the rest saw it, and, sup
posing that it was intended for them,
each left her seat, and the six met in
the corridor, all strangers to each other.
As he had sworn upon his credentials
as a Congressman that he loved each
solely and alone, he did not know what
might happen if he met the crowd in
the corridor, aud dodged into the com
mittee room just in time to escape.
When I repeated the story to Mr. Le
Fevre he declared there was not a word
of truth in it, and insisted that the six
ladies were all soliciting subscriptions
for benevolent purposes. He would
have contributed to one or two of them,
but did not like to give away money to
charity by wholesale, and when he saw
so many he dodged them. :is any other
Congressman would have done.
Chicago Xetvs.
mm m -
A Mean Maii.
Old Billy W. was one of the richest
men who lived some fifteen years ago
in that part of West Philadelphia called
Mantua, and one of the meanest men
who ever drew breatb. One day he
took a Lancaster avenue car for the
city, carrying in his hand a basket of
superb white grapes, raised in his own
green-house. Old Billy W. sat in one
corner of the car. aud a poor mother
with a sickly child in her lap sat in the
corner opposite. The child looked at
the grapes wistfully as the car rolled on
square after square. At last the old
man, in a tone of rasping curiosity,
asked the child where she was going.
"To the park, sir, to see the grass and
the birds."
"Do you like grapes?"
"Yes, sir," aud the pale little face
brightened up as the child half rose
from her mother's lap.
The old man lifted up his basket of
luscious fruit and, plucking one grape
from a gigantic bunch, gave it to the
child.
The rest of the passengers said noth
ing, but the way they looked at the old
man would have split a stone post.
Philadelphia Xetas.
i
Only Saved Ton Cents.
"Can you," he said, as he stopped a
citizen who Was entering the postoffice,
"can you direct me to a first-class res
taurant?" "Yes, sir. There's a place right over
there."
"First-class, is it?"
"Yea. sir."
"Have quail on toast, fried chicken,
stewed ovsters, etc?"
"They'do."
"Thanks. While you have been very
kind to me I am forced to ask "
"Excuse me," said the citizen as he
hastily entered the postoffice by the
Griswold street door and passed out on
the Larned street side. The stranger
waited for ten or twelve minutes, looked
into the corridor to And the man gone,
and then started up street muttering to
himself:
"He isn't so awful smart as ho thinks
himself! He thinks he's saved 25 cents,
while 1 was ouly going to ask him 10
cents!" Detroit Free Press.
"I've heard all the stories ef long
telegraph circuits," said a postal tele
graph operator at Buffalo, "qud in my
time I've worked some pretty long ones
myself, but I never heard of anything
that equalled one that we had this after
noon. Our people are building a line
from thu terminus of the Canadian Paci
fic to 'Frisco, and I heard Vice President
Henry Rescuer talking with President
Chandler in his office, in New York
city. Mr. Roscner was at New West
minster, which is ou the Pacific coast
just opposite Vancouver island, so they
were talking across the continent. By
that route it is about three thousand
miles, for the wire was made up via
Buffalo, Toronto, and the Canadian
Pacific Every few minutes I could hear
Medicine Hat chip iu. aud all along the
circuit the operators were 'on.' It is a
wonder to everybody, and the instru
ments were working as clear as a bell
on that long copper wire."
The story of a Michigan man having
been devoured by wolves ashould be
taken with many graius of allowance.
His books haven't been examined yet
and no one can say it isn't an improve
ment on the old-fashioned method of
skipping to Canada And, too. Michi
gan wolves have feelings which can be
Injured by such canards. Detroit Frm
fhmU
TBE FIRST
National Bank !
or
COLUMBUS. NEB.
-HAS AN-
nd the liirKettt Paid im Cmak Capital of
tiny bank in this part of tie State.
Authorized Capital of $250,000,
A Surplus Fund of - $20,000,
JSDepoait received and interest paid on
time deposits.
iVDrafU on the principal cities in thisooon
try and Enrope bought and sold.
Collections and all othor baslncM given
prompt and careful attention.
STOCEBOLOKfiit.
A. ANDERSON. Pres't.
HEKMAN V. H.OEHLRICH.
VicePres't.
O.T.UOEN. Cashier.
J. V. BECKEK. HERMAN OEHLRICH.
O. SCHUTTK, W. A. MCALLISTER,
JONAS WELCH. JOHN W. EARLY,
P. ANDERSON. O. ANDERSON,
ROBERT UIIL1U. CARLRE1NKE.
Apr2S-S6tf
gushttss (irds.
D. T. Mabttn, M. D.
F. J. Scnvo, M. D.
Drs. MAETYlf & SCHUG,
U.S. Examining Surgeons,
Local SnrRoons, Union Piicific, O., N. &
H. H. and B. & M. R. R's.
Consultation in German and English. Tele
phones at office and rvridi-nccs.
JSOffice on Olive street, next to Brodfueh
rer't Jewelry Store.
COLUMBUS.
NEBRASKA.
i-J-r
H
Aaiiivrorv jieadk, m. .,
I'HYiSIClAX AXO SCl'.GKOX,
Platte Center, Nebraska. 9-y
w.--
COKIVKI.IIJS,
LAW AND COLLECTION OFFICE.
Uimtoirs Ernut building, 11th street.
OUI.I.IVA Sc KKEDEK,
1 TTOHXEYS A T LA IP,
OBico irter 1'irt.t National Bank, Columbus,
Nebraska. EO-tf
C.
IK KVAiH.N, n. ..
l'llYSIClAX AX It SU1MEOX.
JSOttice and rooin, (iluck building, 11th
Btrw-t. Telephone communication. 4-y
lircALIJSTEK HKO.,
ATTOUXEYS AT LA V,
Otlice up-htain in Htnryr building, corner of
Olive and llth fctrtn-t:.. W. A. McAllister, No
tary Public.
iou. Kt'Mivi-::,
COl'XTV SUKVKYOK.
JS-Partiei dtt,irini; surveying done can ml
dre3 me at Coliiinbiix, Neb., or call at my otlice
in Court lionet-. .1maysi-j
OTIC'K TOTDKIIDKM.
W. H. Ted row, Co Supt.
I will be. at my attire in the Court House tho
third Saturday of each month for the examina
tion of teacher. SU-tf
D
K. J. CHAM. WII,I.V.
DEtJTSC 'I I Kit ARZT.
Columbia, NVIiruMka.
S-()thce llth Ktrwt. Consultation in En
li!h, French and German. -J2mars7
JOHN G. H1GG1NS. C. J. GARLOW.
Collection Attorney.
HIGOINS & GARLOW,
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW,
Specialty made of Collections by C. J. Garlow.
3l-m
F- V. KIJAKEK, .11. IK,
HOMCEOPATHIST.
Caroaio Diseases aad Diseases ef
Ckildrem a Spaoialtv.
"Office on Olive street, three doors north of
First National Bank. 2-ly
C ll.RILSCIIE,
llth St., opposite Lindell Hotel.
Sells Harnens, Saddles, Collars, Whip. Blankets,
Curry Combs, Bruihes, trunks, valines, bufwey
topn, cnithionH, carriage trimmings, Ac, at the
lowest possible prices. Repairs promptly at
tended to. -
T 91. .nAFAKI,A?ID.
ATTORNEY AND NOTARY PUBLIC.
LAW AND COLLECTION 0FFIIE
or
J. M. MACPARLAKD,
Colcmbus, Nebraska.
R.GBOYB,
MAJfTFACTCBER OT
Tin and Sheet-Iron Ware !
Job-Work, Booftng and Gutter
ing a Specialty.
S3PShop on Olive street, 2 doors north of
Brodfuehrer'a Jewelry Store. 32-tf
A.J.ARN0LD,
DEALKR IN
DIAMONDS,
, FINE WATCHES,
Clock, Jer-Irj
AN'I)
SILVERWARE.
Strict attention ciit-n to repairine of Watches
and Jewelry. JSgWill not lie undersold by
anybody.;
Ne Aveaae. Opposite Clotker Hobs.
M f I lean live at home, and make tnont
Wllllmoney at work for n. than at any
I llllthinK eltw in the world. Capital not
I WWnewled; yon are Marttd Itr: Both
sexes; all ae. Anyone c?n do the work. Lare
earnintcs sure from firt start. Costly outfit and
terms free. Better not delay. ( -ota you nothing
to send ns your address and find out; if you are
wine you will do so at once. H. Hallktt Jc Co.,
Portland, Maine. dec'ii-'HJy
NPASrl
A book oflOO pagea.
The best book for aa
advertiser to con
sult, be ho experi
enced or otherwise.
it contains lists or newspapers and estimates
of the costof advertising. The advertiser who
wants to spend one dollar, finds in it the in
formation be requires, while for him who will
invest one hundred thousand dollars In ad
vertlslBK a scheme is indicated which will
meet his every requirement, or can be made
to So $o tog Might cMamtail! arrived at bycor
rmfomdtntt. 1st editloas have been issued.
Seat, post-paid, to any address for 10 cents.
Writs to GEO. P. ROWXLL A CO-
ncwsPAPza advertising bureau.
U1f HtmatlsgirofMagq.), XswYotkt
WwERTI