The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, December 08, 1886, Image 4
EM " -i ! I If. i:r lev I ' tpk Ifp 111 rat . u.i & m hi I The Death of Lore. And is be dead at last? He lingered lonnr. Despite the fever-fl'.s of doubt and pain; It seemed ibat faith bad wov'n a web so strong 'Twould keep him till bis pulse beat truo again; Center of so much youtb and hope and trust. How could he crumble into common dust? Cold blew the icy winds of circumstance; Prudence and penury 6tood side by side, Barbing: the arrow shot by crafty chance. Snatching the balsam from tbe wounds of pride; Slander spiced well the cup false friendship Ana so Love died. Where shall we make his grave? Scatter no roses on tbe bare, black earth, Plant no white lilies: no blue violet bloom. Weak in bis death as feeble in his birth. Why should life strive to 6anctiry his tomb? Even gentle memory Is by truth forbid To honor aught that died as light Love did. Let the rank grasses nourish fearlessly. With no fond footsteps brushing them away; While the young life he troubled, strong nnd free. Turns to the promise of the world's new day. Leaving the dnrkening 6kies to close above The unhallowed burrial-place of shallow Love. AH the Year Hound. HOW CLEM COMM ITTED SUI CIDE. "What's the matter? What's the matter, my boy? Sit down. Sit down. Sit down and quiet yourself and then tell me what's the matter." That's the way 1 talked to Clem short for Clemence Alburtis as I took him by the arm one day when he rushed wikl eyed and thick speeched into my office, and seated him on the lounge. "Doc." he said in a helpless tone my profession is that of a physician "I'm crazy. I can't collect my thoughts, and the pain in my head "drives me mad." "I know it," I said. "I've told you it would be so many times. You have a buzzing in the ears, black spectres float ing before the eves, and " "Yes! Yes! that's it. Nervous twitches of the muscles of the face and numbness of the limbs and " "Depression of mind and melan cholia," I went on. "A disposition to suicide," he almost shouted. "I feel it almost necessary to commit suicide. Doc, what'll 1 do? How'll I stop it? Eh? How'll i keep from blowing, out my brains?" "Nonsense!" I said, angrily. "Don't talk to me about brains. If you go on the way you're going now you won't have anv brains to blow out in a few days. You'll be in the lunatic asylum, as brainless as a born idiot." "I know it! I know it!" and Clem wrung his hands wildly and endeavored to spring from the lonuge, but I forced him back into his seat. "Aud so 1 am determined to put an end to my life at ouce. God bles you! Good-byf 1 can't endure this agony any longer,." and once more he made an effort to rise. "Sit still!" I thundered out. now al most angry myself, "or I'll send for the police, and have 3-ou committed to the Charities and Corrections, to be exam ined as a lunatic. Now. do you really want to be cured of this attack of tee zeeweezees you've got?" "Yes," he said, a little more calmly, finding he had a superior power to con tend with. "Very well, then, give up all book work. Lay aside pens, ink and paper, go inlo the couutry, lish, walk into the woods, feed the chickens, do anj'thing but don't read anything but trash for two months and, above all, don't think of anything scientific until next winter without my permission." 15ut what's to become of my paper on The Origin of the Megatherium?' I'm to read it before the Fci l-'o Fum Society on the .th of next month, you know," and it isn't half done yet" "Confound your megatheriums!" I exclaimed, angrily. "If you waut to barter your life, or what you have left of your senses, for a megatherium, why take your megatheriums and do it, but don't come bothering me about your symptoms. 1 tell you that you must have a complete mental and physical diversion or you'll be a lunatic or a dead man in a month." "And drop my book on The Puerility of Prehistoric Power?" 0id Clem, mournfully. "Drop every book, written and un written, and write not a line but an oc casional letter until I tell you that you may." Ihc poor fellow buried his face in his. hands and sat the picture of despair, but I know I was right Clem had gradu ated from college with high honors and gone to the bar with high hopes, when suddenly his mind had, somehow, be come diverted to science, in which, un fortunately, he could afford to indulge from the fact that he possessed a smail but comfortable income, left him by his grandmother, so that law could be made only an ornamental part of his life. More than this, he was a remarkably handsome fellow, and, outside of his scientiGc studies, possessed more than ordinary common sense. The fact was, ho had overdone the matter, and he was suffering, accordingly, from in somnia and over brain work. Entire and complete cessation from studv was his only hope. Just as I had told him this there came a gentle tap at niy door, and to my summons of it "Come," it opened and two ladies entered one. Miss Martha Megrims, an old maid of sixty-five, my patient with nothing at all the matter with her but the want of exercise and employment, and who would not wait for me to call on her. but hunted me dowu with her moans and troubles daily. Her companion was her niece Lillian, and "airy, fairy Lillian" she was. A more beautiful lit tle creature 1 never saw. and never ex pect to sec again, and as good as she was pretty. Their coming just then embarrassed me exceedingly. 1 could not dismiss Miss Megrims." and I must bear with her usual half hour of groans and grunts, for which I was so well remun erated, and. at the same time, I did not dare to let Clem go. for 1 kuew he was in a dangerous condition of mind, and I was afraid that ho might carry out his threat. Introducing him and bringing him into our conference was out of the question, and there was but one way for it, which was to stuff him into my little back room, from whence there was no escape but by a skylight or the door which led into" the office. This I turned on him to do whon I saw that he had risen from the lounge, and was standing, as one en tranced, gazing on Miss Lillian Brown with a most unmistakable look of ad miration, which I fancied was returned shyly by the young lady. ""Clem, you'll oblige me if you'll step into the next room for a few minutes," 1 said; "I'll soon be disengaged." "Certainly, certainly," he said, mov ing slowly across the office, bowing to the two ladies as he went, but not shut ting the door after him on his disap pearance, so that he could hear all that might be said. This was not much that could entertain or instruct him, con sisting only of the old woman's usual recounting of the maladies which she could not have had if she had been poor and obliged to walk instead of ride, and tbe occasional musical tones of Lillian, answering my questions or encouraging her aunt Over a quarter of an hour was passed in titis way, which would have been longer "had not Lillian, know ing that I bad Clem in tbe other room waiting for me, hurried Miss Megrims away. Who is that Doc?" said Clem, eae- erly, as be rushed back into the room as soon as the office door had closed on the ladies. " I That is the rich Miss Megrims," i I said. "She's rot more monevthan to spend it in. nnd so "Oh, pshaw!" lie and don't mean the old one." lclii!:ui:lv. ! "Ah! that's her niece and stipposable heiress. Miss Lilitan Brown!" I replied, carelessly. "She'n rather pretty." "Rather prctt!" he almost "shouted. "By the great ichthyosaurus, sir. she's lovely simply lovely, i never saw any- thins: more beautiful in mv entire exist ences' "Gone!" I thought to mclf. "His brain has given away." and" 1 took poor Clem by the baud aud felt his pulse. "Oh.'l'm all right. Doc," ho said, laughing, aud thou resuming his seat upon the lounge ami becoming quite calm. "But really she is very hand some, and I don't know that I've ever seen any one that has made such an impression on me. Can't you introduce me. doctor?" Oh. you're too much mixed up with megatheriums and prehistoric power to even talk sensibly to a lady, and Miss Brown is a very sensible and practical girl." "Oh! bother the megatheriums and prehistories. I'm not thinking of them just now. I want an introduction to Miss Brown," said Clem, earnestly. "I'll give it to you to-morrow," I an swered, "if you'll promise me to do just what I tell you until then." "Certainly, I will," he exclaimed eagerly. "Very well. I am to call on Miss Megrims to-morrow at 3 p. m. Prom ise me that you won't open a book, touch pen, or think of megatheriums or prehistories until then, aud that you will go to the theatre with me to-night, and I will take you with me to-morrow." "Done!" he said, enthusiastically. "Then we'll go aud take a walk in the park." aud I shook hands with Clem on the bargain, and we inarched away for a smoke and a talk ali about Lilliau Brown. That night I tool: Clem to see an ex ceedingly funny burlesque, nnd was gratified at his appreciation of it in early bursts of laughter, and the fol lowing day he made his appearance at the oflice faultlessly dressed, something I had not known him to be since he em braced science, aud looking so much handsomer aud bettor than the day be fore that it hardly seemed possible he was the same man. Of course. I car ried out my promise, aud of course Miss Megrims looked Mirprised at my briuging Ciem. but i did not care for that, for at the same time I saw that Miss Lillian was gratified. For the lirM time within my memory Miss Megrims seemed to forget her ail ments, aud devoted herself to Ciem, who had corraled Lillian on the oppo site .side of the room ami appeared to be making the beat use possible of his time, which, I had warned him. could not be more than fifteen minutes. She eyed him with a look that amounted almost to a glare, and poured in broadside after broadside of questions about him that would have taken the .tkill of a di plomat to answer, though, of course, I did it as favorably as I could for Clem, but I came out of the encounter strongly impressed with the idea that Miss Meg rims did not want her niece to marry at all, or have gentlemen friends, and that she considered her too youus she was twenty to think of such a thing at all. When Clem got out'into the street ho was in raptures. Liilian was an angel; her beauty was almost beyond the earth, and her voice music itself. He was in love, aud Lillian had asked him to call again which, by the way, I had no ticed, was more than Miss Megrims did. Well, time sped on, aud I saw plainly that Clem had dropped everything but Lillian. I saw him every day, and heard all about it. He had called again, and had been rebuffed by Miss Mesrrims. He had called several" times more, but Miss Megrims never left the room. Clem did not intend to be re buffed, but Miss Megrims finally de nied him the house or an opportunity of seeing Lillian. Then I stepped in and carried a formal proposal to Miss Meg rims, which I backed up with my best efforts, but received a formal refusal. Miss Megrims did not intend that her niece should marry for some years to come. My reply to this selfishness was my becoming letter bearer between the lov ers, and a few days afterward they met in Central Park, although it must have been a hard job for Liilian to have got ten the chance. From the meeting Clem rushed into the office, exclaiming: "It's all right. Doc. We're engaged. Lillie's going to try and soften the old hippoCTiff, and if she can't we'll get I married anyhow and go abroad." ieiii uau carrieu me war into Ainca, and meant to stay there ali the time, he said. He had forgotten all about me gatheriums and prehistories, and had no more symptoms and tendencies to suicide. In fact, he was completely cured, and, stranger still. Miss Megrims had become as robust as a prize fighter, and not a word ever came out or her mouth about pains or aches, though she would not give up daily calls, but al ways filled them up with denunciations of Clem and declarations that if Lillian married him she should never touch a cent of her money. "Doctor," she said one day, "I never knew a runaway marriage to turn out well in mv life." Oh! that's a mistake. Miss Meg rims, i saia. "i nave known many. Mr. Alburtis own parents were a runa way match. She was a great belle, a Miss Ellice Clark, and " "What!" screamed Miss Megrims, jumping to her feet "His mother my Ellice. my dariiug Ellice! It can't be! Why didn't you say so before. Doctor? The dearest girl friend I ever had in my life, and I've treated her sou so badly. It's shameful in you. Doctor. Go and bring the dear fellow here directly." I did, and when he came she Script urally fell upou his nock and wept, and then they fell to talking about Clem's mother until Clem cried in concert Well, they did not have a runawav. but did up the affair in style, and a"ll went to Europe together, and the last letter I have from Clem declares the hipposriffto !w oue of the most charm ing old maids the world ever pro duced. i -s A PEEK-HUNT IN ALASKA. Trouble with Qnnrrelxome Dog Queer Ciutom of the Natives. The ice being in good, condition, with dogs and sleds laden with cooking pots and a few provisions, a tent and deor 8kiu bedding, a start was made early in the morning. The thermometer mark ed 15 degrees below zero and there was an icy blast from the north, so that it may be imagined that the weather was somewhat cold. Smooth shoro ice was found over which our sleds went rapid ly, and at dusk (3 P. M.) the dogs smelt the deer and tore frantically in their harness to get at them. And here en passant I may be permit ted to dwell upon the annoyances and vexatious that an Arctic traveler has to undergo when using these dogs for sled work. The most docile and mild-looking auimal is probably the worst of the team, quarrelsome, snarling, and fight ing whenever a chauce presents itself, lor an hour or so the dogs will lie quietly, seemingly at peace with one an other; then, as if by some 6udden in spiration, one springs upon the other, biting and tearing the legs. ears, and those portions of the body unprotected by hair, and a general melee ensues, only ceasing when heavy blows from pieces of wood or tent-poles strike some tender part Then, too, at night, the howling m chorus not a genuine howl, but a species, of sharp, drawn-out wails breaks upon the ear. to tbe imajrina tion seeming like the wailing of horde she's got tinii plays sick." of lost spirits lamenting their bitter lot Still travel would be impossible during the winter were it not for these dogs. So far as exhibiting attachment or re taining any especial liking for an in dividual, these animals can not be said to show the slightest trace. They simply come to anyone who feeds them, acting perfectly indiscriminately. It was too late to start out hunting up on our arrival, so after pitching the tent making a lire from driftwood to boil our tea over a process lengthened by ice haviug to be melted to obtain water, enjoying a smoke, and feeding the dogs with whale meat, we turned in to sleep. We were all up bright and early at 10 a. m. After a breakfast of tea and crackers, with the addition of boiled beans heated in a frying-pan with snow, a start for the deer was ef fected. The dogs were left in camp, the most unruly being tied to heavy logs. I may here mention for the benefit of future Arctic travelers that one of the best kinds of food to take upon a sled journey is a bag of boiled beans. Of course they become frozen solid, but when chopped off. heated with snow or ice in a frying-pan, they furnish a meal which for staying qualities I do not think can be excelled. Either oil or lard, not too salt can be added to the beans when they are boiled, increasing thereby their quality as heat-giving food. After an hour's walking we came to fresh deer tracks. Arriving at the top of a small eminence we saw the herd feeding, digging with their forefeet through the suow in order to reach the covered moss and lichens. There must have been at least two hundred deer in the herd, big bucks with wide-spread-iug antlers, females and males of all sizes, and here and there a yearling fawn. Crawling over the snow, creep ing along inch by inch until within range, is the only manner to get a shot at tbe animals. The country affords no cover, and the slightest object bearing the semblance of anything strange seems to attract the attention of the deer in a moment In order to guard somewhat against this matter white drilling overshirts are worn when out hunting. At a range of over two hundred yards oue of tho natives fired, his bullet from a Hotchkiss rifle striking the ueer.'a big buck, over the forequatter, causing him to rear aud jump iulo the air with a bound aud then fall dead. The rest of the herd, seeing one of their number fall, scattered in a wide circle, sniffing the air and peering around for the cause of its sudden dismemberment. They, however, resumed feeding in a short time, until three shots, fired simultan eously, laid two more of their number low, while a fourth broke the leg of a young fawn, who hobbled along after its mother for some distance, until a final .shot put an end to its troubles. Four deer had fallen before our guns, and the natives proceeded to remove the skins from the head and feet, piling snow over the carcasses to hide them from the other deer, which otherwise they think, would be scared away from the country. It is the belief anlong these natives that a deer shot one day must not be brought into camp until tho following morning. Our submission to this custom cost us the carcass of one animal, which was eaten by foxes dur ing the night Next morning a heavy snow-mist to landward prevented our going deer hunting. To seaward the sky was clear, so that rather than stay in camp all day some of us went seal-hunting, the one woman of our partv. with her husband, taking the sled an J dogs to bring in the deer shot on the previous day. San Francisco Chronicle. STORY OF A SCAR. "Do you ee that tall, handsome man now talking to his highness?" inquired au old diplomat of me at oue of the suite bails given by the khedive of Egypt in his fairy summer palace ol Gezireb. on the banks of the Nile, says a Cairo correspondent of the New York Tribune. "What," said 1; "do you mean Mus tapha Pacha F., the cabinet minister?" "Yes; and have you noticed that his right hand is always gloved? Look at it now. He is the only man in this room wearing a glove on that hand, which is contrary to all etiquette. If he were to remove it you would perceive an ugly kind of semicircular scar. In 1876 the English government, alarmed at the khedive's terrible extravagance and re peated appeals to the European money markets, sent out to Egypt a special mission to inquire into the state of tbe finances of the country. "In the short space of ten years over 8500.000.000 had been borrowed by the Egyptian government and of this vast sum only $200,000,000 had found its way into the state treasury. What bad become of the balance? Two people alone could tell. One of those was the khedive himself, and the other his min ister of finance, Mustapha Pasha Sadyk, the most powerful man in Egypt It is impossible to conceive the enormous wealth of the latter. Large tracts of country belong to him and he had the right of coining money in his own name. His splendor and magnificence were unequalled in tbe east His harem of over three thousand women occupied the three immense palaces in which now ail the government offices are located, and he bad a special body guard in his seraglio of over four hun dred superb amazons, who, on state occasions, donned armor and helmets of pure silver. The English envoys de voted all their energies to win him over from the khedive. It appears that they were about to succeed. "Late one night in Jane Mr. Julius Blum, confidential secretary and facto tum of the minister of finance, informed the khedive that the minister had been won over by tho English envoys, and iu order to save his own position bad de termined to turn king's evidenco aud to reveal to them on the following Satur day the whole of his highness' financial transactions. The next day was Friday, the Mohammeden sabbath. After per forming his devotions at the mosque tbe khedive proceeded in an open vic toria to the palace of Mustapha Pasha Sadyk aud invited that minister to ac company him during his usual after noon drive, and, pleasantly chatting together, they drove to the palace of Gezireh. On alighting at that door, the khedive, turning to his minister, invited him to supper on board the vice-regal yacht, which lay moored in midstream? The minister, accompanied by the khedive's sons, embarked and was rowed off to the vacht A merry evening was spent on board, the whole j and seaside resorts, and the tables no ship being illuminated, and occasional better than the run of $2 per day snatches of music and laughter being houses. To help crush out tbe hack wafted over to tho shore. At about 11 ; men and accommodate tho people the o'clock the khedive and princess re- J State leased the privilege of a street-car turned alone, leaving on board th- line from Prospect Park to the canta minister with the two vice-regal chain- Jever bridge. It is a long ride for a berlains, Mustapha Bey Y. and Sami nickel and at first thought one chuckles Bey Baroudi. Shortly afterward the over the way the hackmen have been sounds of a short scuffle on deck were euchred. On the sides of the car is tbe heard by tiie people on shore, and then ' sign, "To all points of interest" As a all was quiet and the lights were extm- suisued on board. Soon after midnight the yacht cast loose from her moorings and noiselessly glided up tbe stream to ward the first cataract Nothing more was ever seen in this world of Mustapha . Pasha Sadyk. I "On tbe next day a decree was issued I stating that the khedive bad banished his minister of finance to Upper fcgypt for having dared to oppress Lis much beloved subjects.' etc., etc. Four days later tbe yacht retained to her moorings off the Gezireh palace, and when the two cnamoeriains anove reierrea ro re- , samed their service it was noticed that Sami Bey wore a handkerchief round . his throat as if to bide some wound on his neck, and that Mustapha BeyF. had his right hand in a sUng IIJ NOT SUPPRESS IT. Why Lincoln' War MlnUter Did Suppress a Paper Daring the KbeliioD. Not Mr. William M. Singerly, editor and proprietor of the Philadelphia Record, who divides with Mr. George W. Childs, editor and proprietor of the Philadelphia Ledger, the respect and regard of the city of Philadelphia, will soon be the owner of the fastest steel steam yacht in the United States. It is now being completed at Chester by the best build ers there. Mr. Childs has never owned a yacht But then Mr. Singerly owns several other things that Mr. Childs has never had. Both are alike, however, in that each controls a great independent newspaper, that neither will accept office aud that each has had a station named after him on the new Baltimore and Ohio line into Philadelphia. Their paper mills are near these stations. The Ledger does not use as much paper nowadays as the Record. The latter has quietly won a circulation of upwards of 110.000 daily, except Saturday, when 120,000 copies of the eight-page '"double sheet" are sold for one cent a piece. This circulation is the growth of only seven years, and that in conservative Philadelphia, too. Speaking of the Ledger reminds me of a story General Simon Cameron used to ten. "When I was in Washington during tbe war." he said. "Mr. Georsre W. Childs. of Philadelphia, called on me one day and asked me whether I , - had any objection to bis purchasing tho Philadelphia Ledger. I said that lhad none in the world, and then asked him why he came to me with such a ques tion. He said that Mr. Swain, the own er of the Ledger, had made my consent an absolute 'condition of the sale of tbe Ledger, which Mr. Childs was then try ing to negotiate. I said I did not understand that at all; that I had no interest at any time in the Ledger, or so far as I knew in any other enterprise of Mr. Swain. In fact I hardly knew Mr. Swain except by reputation. Howover, 1 repeated I had ami could have no ob jection whatever to Mr. Swain's doing anything that he pleased with his own property. I offered to put this statement in writing, seoing that Childs was not quite satisfied. No, he said, Mr. Swain wanted tbe assurance from my owu lips, and he would like to know whother 1 would soon bo iu Philadelphia. It happened that 1 was to be in Puiladel- Shia shortly and I said so. With that Ir. Childs departed. When I went to Philadelphia Mr. Swain called on mo aud asked me whether I had any ob jection to his selling the Ledger to Mr. Childs. None iu the world" I said to him as I had to Mr. Childs himself; '.but why do you ask my consent?" " Do" you remember,' said he, 'find ing a communication on your desk one morning, when you was secretary of war, from Secretary Seward directing the suppression of the Baltimore Sun for alleged treasonable utterances?' 'Yes,' I said; 'but how did you know about that? It was confidential.' 'Never mind.' he said, 'I did know about it, and 1 did know that it was never exe cuted because you laid the matter before President Lincoln and brought him to the conclusion to which you had your self come, that it was unjust Well, 1 was a partowuerin tho Baltimore Sun. If you had suppressed the Sun just at that time it would have ruined me. 1 made up my mind that no one should ever get hold of the Ledger who would be likely to use it to injure you. And that is why 1 wanted to kuow whether you had any objection to Mr. Childs; because if you have, he can't have the Ledger.' I told him I had no objection iu the world to Mr. Child, and shortly afterward the sale was consummated. I remember as though it had been yester day the morning when I found on my desk at tiie war department the letter from Seward directing the suppression of the Baltimore Sun for publishing editorials alleged to be seditiou3 in tone. 1 sat down aud actually wrote an order to the general iu command at Baltimore, directing him to carry out the order of the secretary of state. Then I stopped to think. I r-'membered that I uau ouce owned a new.-. paper, a little one, to bo sure, but it was all I had, and I said to myself, 'What would have become of you if your newspaper had been suppressed upon the arbitrary or der of some cabinet officer based on his own construction of your editorial utter ances?' As I sat thiukintr I tore up the order I had written. Then I went over to the White House, aud showing Seward's letter to tho president told him that I thought the course it sug gested would be arbitrary and unjust. 'Pay no attention to it,' he said, and I went back to the war department aud pigeon-holed it in my own desk.", Washngton Capital. THE AMERICAN SWINDLE. What Still Happens to I'enpte W!u Visit Niagara Kail. If you will talk with 100 people who have visited Niagara Falls you will find ninety of them still mad at the thought of how they were iu some man ner swindled, and that the other ten remember the place with disgust be cause of tho extortions practiced on every hand. The swindler and robber arrived at tbe Falls about the time the first hotel was erected, and he has con tinued to llourish aud grow fat until the present hour. There was a timo when he was in the minority; he now runs things to suit himself. When the great State of New York appropriated $1,500,000 to buy the swindlers out aud make the Falls free to tbe people the hearts of tbe masses ! were rejoiced. The purchase took in Goat Island, Prospect Park, and a strip i7i. - k Vu T,? p.r- down the river above the falls. This i v a -At i rn& Sr.iii6 '"! i vvww ww r 'wa awwirwa ajtw tt twtr reduced to 15 cents, and tbo trip down the inclined railway to 10 cents. TIlPO thA C.V rVktinnil nf Kianrar nnssed sneli orilinanj no wr -cWr- ' ed to either reform the htebwav robbers ' who drive the hacks or force" them to I leave the place, and the ueonla ware called upou to visit free Niagara and enjoy themselves. I dropped oft there fdr a couple of days last month, beine very enthusiastic over the reform, and ready to credit the Empire State with any amount of public philanthropy. To begin with, I will leave it to any fair-minded man if there is a hotel at the place which isn't a swindle when it charges $4 per day? The best rooms are second-class to those of mountain matter of fact, it hits but two two Doints. un me uasuooarus is painted the siro: To the whirlpool." When I saw it I reasoned to myself that the car ran from the park to the whirlpool. Anybody else would reason the same way. In company with a couple of young boys I boarued tbe car one morning to go down to tbe whirlpool. No point of in terest was touched. The terminus was a walk of five minutes from either rail road bridge and three-quarters of a mile from the whirlpool When I asked the conductor to explain he replied that I was expected to foot it tbe rest of the way. It might not be a swindle to ad vertise a car from Detroit to BoffaJo and stop it at St Thomas, bat some folks would insist that it was. We had been down to tiie end of the cantalovcr. and were on our way back when a hackman drove up and offered to take the three of us back to tbe hotel for 75 cents. As the distance was a mile and a half, the charge seemed reasonable, but he was inclined, to do still better. For the small sum of 50 cents he would Jake us down to see the whirlpool. I give his words in. italic because they were a swindle. The last time i was there the whirlpool was free. One could get out of a carriage aud take his view from the bank. This chap seemed to gtraranteo just such a sight, and we bit at the bait. When he halted, after a drive of nearly a mile, it was at tiie door ot a curiosity store on the bank of the river. Over "the door was the sign: "Admittance to whirl pool. 50 cents!" We indignantly back ed out, aud I blessed our driver for a swindler, telling him that he had de liberately put up a job on us to get his "whack" from the keeper of the store. He made no denials, but independently offered to leave us there and forfeit his 50 cents. His offer was accepted, and he drove away. We footed it up to the bridge, where a delegation of ten hack drivers awaitod our coming. The big gest chap in the lot got down and de manded that half doilar. He was re ferred to Halifax. Then he proposed to "take it out of our hides," and the nine fellows backing him seemed anxious to help him. Ten Niagara Falls hackmen ought to get away with one peaceable in.?iv;.liil nd twnhnv hut thnp didn't ........- . V..W WWJ Vf - WHWJ W V do it bomething was said about our being able to shoot as fast as they could pound, and all but one climbed upon their vehicles and made off. This one said he'd show us a trick or two worth remembering, and he went off after a crowd of his friends. He found several who came down and looked us over as we waited for the car, but it wasn't their day for knocking out It was only the next day that tho City Council sent a complaint to the State Commissioners that" the hack-drivers, in spite of all laws and ordinances, were as lawless as in years gone by. Another swindle is the curiosity stores. You may say that it is not obligatory on any one to patronize them, but at the same time most every4 visitor feels like carrying away some souvenir or present Whatever articlo ho pays 25 cents for can bo bought any where else for 15. Whatever is war ranted to him is sure to be a swindle. Whatever he buys for original is a base counterfeit Why it is that such a state of affairs has always existed al the Fails, and ap pears determined to exist there in spite of everything, is a problem. You can't find tho equal of it anywhere else in America. Tiie same system, if prac ticed to half the extent, at any mount ain or sea-shoro resort, would' kill the place in two seasons. There is but oue way for a visitor to Niagara to protect himself. Go there with a lunch-basket and a bottle of cold tea. Buy nothing whatever, go to all points on foot, and get out of the place before sundown. You may have your pocket picked, but ?ou will have the satisfaction of be ieving that tiie money went to some stranger like yourself. J. Quad, in Detroit Free I'res.t. WIT AND HUMOR. She "By the way, who is that lady iu white you have been so attentive to this evening?" He "Attentive to! You are mistaken; that's my wife." Life. Baby carriages are now made to cost as high as $375 each. This is good for the carriage-makers, but it looks very much like a blow at our infant indus tries. Hostott Transcript. Mrs. Swellingtou Jones "Really, my dear, you owe it to your friends to get a new dress suit"" Mr. Swellington Jones "Well, if I do, I shall have to owe it to my tailor." Harper's Weekly. "Papa, what is a model?" inquired little Johnny. "A model is a small likeness of anything." "And is a model man a small likeness ol a great many of them are. man i" ' Merchant Traveler. A Jubilee. Judge: "Are you aware of any mitigating circumstances in your case?" Criminal "Yes, your Honor, this is the fiftieth time 1 have been ar rested for vagrancy, and I thought that perhaps we might get up a little jubi lee." Texas Sitings. "You say you were in Germany six months, and' in all that time you did not see a drunken man?" "Not one." "That is remarkable. In what part of Germany were you all this time?" "In jail, pard, in jail. Say, stake a fellow for breakfast can't you?" Burdette. Magistrate You are old enough to know better than to drink whisky, Uncle Rastus. Uncle Rastus I kain't help it, yo' Honab. I inherited a tas' fo' it. Magistrate Inherited a taste for it? Uncle Rastus Yas, sab. Dat boy Sam o' mine is drunk mos' ob de time. N Y.Sun. "Where have you beeu, Jane?" "I've been to a meetiug of the Girls' Friendly Society, ma'am." "Well, and what did th"e lady say to you?" "Please, ma'am, she said I wasn't to give you warning, as I meant to. She said I was to look upon you as my thorn and bear it!"' London Punch. A brother in Williamsburg, Va., says: "We wish a $2,000-Baptist pastor here who will serve us for $500. and we look to the Religious Herald to find him for us." Any pastor who is now on a sal ary of $2,000 and wishes to get it re duced to $500 will please send us his address. Richmond Religious Herald. "Yes, I am a poor man," he said, as a sad look stole over his expansive coun tenance, "but that is my misfortune. I ought to have been worth $1,000,000. ,..? t. , . ,i ... XT' ' i! uu. nu uuueat tuau wa uuv uaic uiuwu "" " "Ah! you are a profession- al man?" "No. I am an Anarchist" 1'eorin Call. Jones Hollo, old mau. how do vou ke married life by this time?" Smith (comparative uew to matrimony) "ilv.il .rute! l wo"Id" t be a bachelor again lor a gootl bit. "Indeed! Why, i unuerstoou your inoiuer-m-law was living with you." "O, no. Just the other way. I'm living with her." "Well, that does make a difference." I'lltsburg Dtspaldt. Scene in Chicago. Two long separat ed friends meet: "Where is Uncle John living, my dear fellow?" "He isn't living." "What! Why. whon did he die? "He isn't dead." "(rood grac ious! You said he isn't living, and I iufer that he is dead." "Well, it's about the same thing. He moved to St. Ixnns. Newman Independent. .Mr. Winks "Our traveling man, Biifkius. says the thing in San Francisco now is Japanese, not Chinese, house servants. Everybody is getting them.' Mrs. Wiuks "They are really good, then?" ;Good! he says they are peer less, absolutely without fault." "Deal uio, we must get one. It will make that 'Heaven Bles Our Homo' motto seem less like a mockery." "There's one tiling I like about you," said Charley's girl to him the other eve ning. -Each of mv former lovers was continually asking me if he was the only one 1 ever loved. You have never ask ed me that question." "No. To tell the truth," answered Charley, "the last girl I asked that of ranr n chestnut-bell on me, and I have never asked the question siuce." N. Y. Sun. A Washington avenue boy was left with a neighbor while his parents went to see a parade, and overheard the fol lowing gossip about them: "It was a love match. . They are a most- united couple. After all", the right way is to marry for love" Here the boy iuter- rupted with: "Mamma married papa 'cause she was a fool. She said so!" Saturday Evening Spectator. "Are these spring chickens, Mrs. Caterer?" "Yes, indeed, Mr. Carp. They were foaled I meau hatched in March." "Where did you get them'" "From Mrs. Rubric an honest woman and a genuine Episcopalian." "Episco palian, is she? That accounts for the scant upholstery on these bones. The good woman has compelled her chickens to keep Lent" Yonkers Uazette. Rich and retired Socialist My son, you must give up your reckless ways and not squander the money I earned by many nights on the lecture platform. Son Give it up? Why. there's pleuty of money left Sire Yes. but uotol yours. Son Correct; but I aud brother Jim have decided that you would not tell a lie, so we are going to divide the family estate in three even parts. FrencJi Fun. Mr. Doubledollar O. Yes, Minnie is very accomplished. Wtiy, she sings iu French, Italian and Spanish. Mr. Dc Smytho Yes, that is very nice; but I should think she would "learn some of those pretty English songs that are so popular nowadays. Mr. Doubledollar Why, that's an English song she's singing now. Mr. DeSmy the Indeed! I thought it was French, Italian and Spanish. Life. Wandering philosopher Yes, my dear sir, I've reckoned up that by walk ing down-town to my business every day 1 have saved $300 in the last ten years. Indifferent fellow (who always rides) and your health is better too? Philosopher O, much better. Indif ferent fellow Well, 1 am out that much. Good day! Philosopher Ah. by the way, could you lend me $5 for a few days ruraphtc It is related that ouce when Henry Russell, whose singing of his own de scriptive songs. "The Lifeboat" "The Newfoundland Dog ' and others, is re membered by mauy New Yorkers, was singing the latter "song in an English town, a man called outf "Was the child saved, man?" He was assured that the child was saved, aud at that asked more earnestly: "Canst thou get mc a pup?" A'. Y. Sun. "Aud shall you try to breakhis will?" the caller wanted to know, after the widow bad told her how the recently deceased had fixed tho property anil rather ieft her out "Try?" the widow echoed as she smoothed out her dress complacently. "1 don't think there will be much try about it 1 didn't have anv trouble breaking his will when he was alive, and I dou t think it is going to trouble mc any tnis time." At the Southeast Indiana Conference iu Indianapolis a speaker, referring to the hardships of the early days in the West turned to the venerable Joseph Tarkingham, aged eighty-six years, and said: "I am glad. Father Tarkingham, that 1 did not enter the itinerancy at tho time you did." "1 am sorry I did," said the old man. "But I'm not a good horseback rider." said the speaker. "Well, I am." answered Father Joseph. "I can break a colt yet" "Ho, sir! he did not die of pneumonia: he died of bill brokers, sir. He pro jected an unwise improvement ol a piece of real estate, made loans, covered himself with bonds aud mortgages, and finally incurred a street debt of $2,000, which rapidly rolled up to $8,000 aud crushed the life out of him. He borrow ed money on call, got paper discounted, and he worked, lived, and died for the bill brokers. Yes. sir, he died of a street debt, upou which he expended his strength every week, throwing it ahead from one day to seven." Dry Goods Chronicle. Langtry's First Appearance. Apropos of Mrs. Langtry's exceeding beauty as Pauline, in the "Lady of Lyons," Mrs. Paran Stevens tells in a very graphic fashion of the first time she ever saw the lady on the day of her first public appearance in London society. It was at a great tea given by the Coldstream guards at the tower, to which some two thousand people were invited. There had been rumors of a famous new beauty from Jersey, and of course her portrait had been seen in the Royal academy exhibit, but with the exception of a favored few who had met her at small affairs she had not been revealed to the London world. "She came in when the thing was about half over," said Mrs. Stevens, "and people began to whisper about that the new beauty bad appeared, and to stand on tiptoe and crane their necks to catch a glimpse of her. She was a perfect vis ion of loveliness. Dressed in a simple little black frock, cut square at the neck aqd showing her throat, that was white as milk, and her face framed by a wide, black Gainsborough hat she made a complete conquest of the fashionable world at first glance. Everything went down before her. and by tbe next morn ing she was the most-talked-of woman in'Englaud. I confess I was quite as enthusiastic as the rest of the world, for I adore pretty women, and I thought her the prettiest I bad ever seen. She seemed quite perfect from her slender feet to the two rows of pearls she showed every time she smiled. She was excited and a little shy, and a rosy glow came and went in her cheeks, which only made her more irresistible. They tell me she has grown rounded now, but then she was very slim and girlish, and looked much too young to be married. What a triumph that sea son was to her, to be sure! Probably no other woman has ever been so petted aud idolized by the fashionable set in London. "Her father was the handsomest man in England, so she came by her beauty through direct inheritance. He was dean of Jersey, as you know, and I saw the father and daughter come into din ner together one uight be in his cleri cal garb and she in full evening dress, and' I thought then, and think still, that I bad never seen more perfect types of masculine and feminine beauty. I have not seen her since she went on tbe stago; at one time I knew her quite well." He Rose to the Occasion. Tbe greatest argument against kings is that when the king hasn't got his crown and his insignia vou cau't tell him from anybody else, and if you put a millionaire behind a bar, even by ac cident, people will come in and demand cocktails of him, and probably tell him to hurry up, as thirsty people who want to get along to the next saloon -usually da But r have never heard of any such mistake so neatly turned. s.at a big party a few weeks ago. eA foreign gentleman, while engaged iri foraging tor a plate for a lady he nad taken in to supper, came on a man with a plate in his hand, looking at it in an aimless way. He thought be was a lazy waiter. "Give me that plate, please." Tbe .austere figure turned and gazed upon him silently. "Give me that plate, waiter." There was do sign. It began to daw n upon the guest that he was mistaken and finally he recognized in the figure a well known millionaire, who was ap parently bent on the same errand. Auv plain American would have fainted. Tbo foreign gentleman was equal to the occasion. "Pardon me, sir. I did not recog nize you, and we are both dressed so like the waiters that tho mistake might have as easily been yours as mine. San Francisco Chronicle. "By the way," exclaimed Smithers, "have you two fives for a ten?" "I have," responded Jobeon. "Then lend me one of them." Pittsturg ftf gfojk THE CHICAGO SHOUT LING OF TIIK St. Ml Railway. THE BEST ROUTE From OMAHA and COUNCIL BtUFFS TO THE KAST. I3 Trait lidj letwaea caSa, CnscU Sha, Chicago, and- Milwaukee, St. Paul, Minneapolis, Cedar Rapids, Clinton, Dubuque, Davenport, Rock Island.Freeport, Rockford, Elgin, Madison, Janesville, Beloit, Winona, La Crosse. And all other Important Points Xortheast and Southeast. E.ISt, Kcr through tickets call on the Ticket Agent at Columbus, Xehraxka. Pullman lkkikks and the FiMtoT Dimm; Cars in the Woi:li are run on tbe main lines of the Cbicugto. Mil. waakeeA Nt.Panl Ky, and everv attention is paid to pnseuijers by cour teous employe of the Company. St. Jllller, A. V. II. Carpeater, General Alan ger. (ienM Pass. Ajj't. J. F. Tvcker, CJco. II. Ua Jtertl. Asi't Gen'1 31an. Ans't Pass. Air't. J. X. Clark, Gett'l Kttn't. Feb. 17-1 ALWAYS THE BEST AND Up to the Times. DAILY Nebraska Stale Journal Elsht Pages Fifty-Six Columns, With large Four Page Sunday Supplement. The Proprietors of The Daily Nebraska state Jockkai. beg leTe to announce nmny great liuprove- taeua in ine paper ror ue com inn year. largd creaunc Ita valne aa a commercial and news V Arrangementa are being perfectnl for lncrraaed wfll nlAj-f Ttt Jnttti.r ?w! tiaDer. telegraph facUltfca. which will per. while our special telegraphic service throughout Nebraska and the weat generally will be more than doubled. THE LEOULATUKE. TtecomtaffaeaalonoftheatatelegMatureprombcii to be the most Intemtlng one ever held In fiicytiife. and The JoessAL each morning will present a com plete report of the proceedings In detail, and will bo the only paper In the state that wUl publish such a report, with our new perfecting preaia. which will be in operation by the first of January, printing 15,(W0 complete copies of the paper an hour, we will be enabled to mall to all parts of the state on all early morning trains, reaching nine-tenths of tho postof Hce In the state from two to ten hour in advance of any other morning paper. STATE MATTERS. The State Jocrxal being published at tbe capital raiiiuiwilitrui ido wraiaa a general newhiim or the state, is enabled to give fnUer reports of the Nebraska Sunreme Court. .8. District and Circuit Court proceedings, newsfrom the state department and State rjnlrersltT than all nrhrr minora tn ttu.rr combined. " suurr a-roR-ra. Tee completion of the two large packing couies and tbe stock yard will place Lincoln In toe front rank as an Important Ure stock market and Thk. Jocrml will pay especial attention to giving accurate and reliable local stock market report., beside tbe latest telegraphic, quotations in grain, stock and mer chandise from aver market centre In the world. The Weekly State Journal. Eight Pages FIfty-SIx Columns. The Weekly State Jocimai. contains the cream or the local and telegraphic news from the dally edition, carefully condensed, accurate market reports, pro ceedings of congress and the state legislature and choice miscellany selected especially for the general ucatlonal news, matters of interest to the ladles rcauer, euiuracmg agrn-iuiunu. norncuiiurai anu eu- lea per 'aihloiij. taimng to tne household and the w and Items of general Interest to aU. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. Dally by mail one year. $10 00 six months 5 Oh " three months 2 si " one month 83 Weekly " one year 1 uu " " six month SU " " three months 40 In ordering papers write name and address plainly. enclose draft or money order for amount of your sub- crtpUon. or money m registered letter at our risk. Address all order and make drafta payable to STATE JOURNAL, CO., Lincoln. Neb. TRASK SELECTED . SHORE la tfiASKS Cheapest Eating: on Sarthr ASXYOTT GSOCES 70S T3E2L TRASK'S" lAfteTHEOaiCIMALnTC ONLY CENUiNC? Tako no etitor Bra.-itfr PATENTS CAVEATS. 1K.1DE MARKS AND COPYRIGHTS Obtained, and all other bubiness in the U. S. Patent Office atteudeel to for .MOD ERATE FEES. Our office in opposite tbe I. S. Patent Oflice, and we can obtain Patent in less time than thoae remote from WASHING TON. Send MODEL OR DRAWING. We ad vise s to patentability free of charge: and we make NO CHARGE TNLESS WE OBTAIN PATENT. We refer here to the Pobtmaster. the Supt. of 3Ioney Order Div., and to omi cials of the U. S. Patent Office. For cir culars, advice, terms and references to actual clients iu your owu State or county, write to C. A. MZVOW dc CO.. Opposite Patent Office, Washington, D.C TTTT1T Tfcfor workinir people. Send 10 H fl 1 1 1 p cent postage, and we will II I i I iX maji y0u free, a loyal, val uable sample box of poods that will put you in the way of making more money in a few days than you ever thought pos sible at any business. Capital not re quired. You can live at home and work in spare time only, or all the time. All of both sexes, of "all apes, grandly .suc cessful. 50 cents to $. easily earned every evening. That all who want work may test the busine, we make tbi un paralleled offer: To all who art not well satisfied we will send fl to pay for the trouble of writing us. Full particulars, directions, etc., sent free. Immense pay absolutely sure for all who start at once. Don't delay. Address Stinson A 'o., Portland, Maine. Jfmsppir A book of 100 pazes. , Tbe J-st book lorua VERT!SlMQ'-ii?-- It contains lists ol newsD!ip-r anil -stiumtes ofthecostofalvertisljiB;.Tliealv-rlI-ierwIirt wants to speufl one dollar, fimis Ui it the In formation he rei'iires. while loiliini nUo will Invest One hmnlri-l thousand tfll:irs tu ad vertlslni;. it scln-mo Is inilicnt-il wlilvu will meet his every requirement, or am be -made to doso by sli-jhi clianieseasiltf arrimlat bycor rrspontlence. 113 t-ilition-j have been isueit. fcent, iiost-iiaiil. to any adilress ftv lucent. Write to UKO. I ROtVEI.L & CO.. NKWSPAFER, ADVKRTtelMi ItUKRAU. IIOSurucaSt.lrlntinjjHouseSq.). New York. in presents given away. Send us .1 cents postage, and by mail you will get r free a package of goods of large value, mat win si3ri you in wor mai win ai once bring you in money faster than any thing else in America. AU about tbe $200,000 in presents with each box. Agents wanted everywhere, of either sex, of all ages, for all the time, or spare time only, to work for us at their own homes. Fortunes for all workers ab solutely assured. Don't delay. H. Uai. irrr & Co., Portland, Maine. Gin MilwaoRee Jk - V $200,000 IMPORTANT TO ALL Farmers Gardeners Dairymen Florists Stock-raisers Wool-growers Butter-makers Poultrymen Fruitgrowers Bee-keepers AND ALI. ttouse&eepers In Village, City, and Country! f Special Opportunity f Secure at Wry I Attic Cost', aforiaatien that will often re tarn Yen llnndredt ef Dollars! Read tbe following: : ORANGE JUlD,tlit Eriitorand build erupof what was formerly the most valua ble and widely circulated Rural and Kumily 'ournal in this country, is now Editing, and with his SONS publishing tho M'ceUy PRAIRIE FARMER at Chicago. Under the New Management, this old . Journal (established in 1841). luw be como one of the moat Valuable Sources of Practical, Reliable Information in t1-., United States. It is exceedingly lM-ft:l to Eivcry Hun, Woman and t'SiWtl in Country, Yili::t or i'itj, for tho Farm and all grown upon it. its Crop-, its Livestock, GiiruVu. Fruits and- Flowers. A!! EBOrSEKES'ERSevery when will find in the f'i"'iri ForMff mo-t "a:a able. Useful Ji:fti"iutin aWut ry Liud of Household Wor'i iud 1 arc. Tina is pre pared and edi:-.l ly intelligent Women who write auid t.tlk. tthout what they thetn :tlve; IK), and is not a "settlor and paste" ussortinent of things that nit rosy rend well. . IVautiful, IMtistratoil Journal coming Eveiy Week U t:.e l :r,'r Ftiiiiar It has tenfoldetl its Chctlation under th new ManHtjt'iuen:. tn-l 'it-serves n. Jlrsf place in Every Home. :il will pay at any Cost. it Trifling Cost. 2gT Our Kea-h-n can note have Prttirie Fanner in connection with our Journal at Very Snail Cost. The price until recently was $3 a year, and cheap at that, but is now reduced to $1.50 a year. And Dctler Still: We have made arrange ments with the publishers, by means of which wo propose to supply the Weekly Prairie Farmer AND TUB COLUMBUS J0UBNAL, Roth for only $2.75 a year. (The separate price is 3.50 a year.) You will get "from the Prairie Farmer Multitudes of Hints and Suggestions, and Useful, Practical Information that will be worth many Dollars, often Hundreds of Dollars. TRY IT. BETTER STILE.. Subscribers be ginning now for 1887 will receive all the weekly numbers of the Prairie Farmer the rest of this Year Free of Charge. Send In your Subscription AT ONCE, and get the benefit of these extra copies. IT WILL PAY YOU A HUNDRED FOLD. HP" Specimens of Papers on Application. Cures Guaranteed! DR. WARN S SPECIFIC No. 1. A Certain Cure for Nervous Debility, Seminal Weakness, Involuntary Emis sions, Spermatorrhea, and all diseases of the genito-urinary organs caused by self abuse or over indulgence. Price, $1 00 per box, six boxes $5.00. DR. WARN'S SPECIFIC No. 2. For Epileptic Fits, Mental Anxiety, Loss of Hemory, Softening of the Braiir, and all those diseases of the brain. Prie $1.00 per box, six boxes $5.00. DR. WARN'S SPECIFIC No. 3. For Impotence, Sterility in either er. Loss of Power, premature old age, and all those diseases requiring a thorough in vigorating of the sexual organs. Price $'J.OO per box, six boxes $10.00. DR. WARN'S SPECIFIC No. 4. For Headache, Nervous Neuralgia, and all acute diseases of the nervous system. Price 50c per box, six boxes $2.50. " DR. WARN'S SPECIFIC No. 5. For all diseases caused by the over-use of tobacco or liquor. This remed v is par ticularly efficacious in averting palsy and delirium tremens. Price $1.00 pur ox, . six boxes $5.00. We Guarantee a Cure, or agree to re fund double the money paid. Certificate in each box. This guarantee applies to each of our u've Specifics. Sent by mail to any address, secure from observation, on receipt of price. 15c careful to mention " the number of Specific wanted. Our Specifics are only recommended for spc cilic diseases. IJeware of remedies war ranted to cure all these diseases with one medicine. To avoid counterfeits aud al- . ways secure tne genuine, order only from iiowty st cm::. DRUG' GISTS, I!M Columbus, Neb. Health is Wealth! Da E. C. West's Nebte and Vtaxrs Tmut Kest, a guarantwxl srcilic fur ITysteria. Ditzi neee, Convnlsiona, Fitrf. JCcrroua. Neuralgia, lieauachn. Nervous Prostration caused by tbo usa 01 alcohol or tobacco. walCPtuiuees. Jiental lte preesion. Softening of tho Brain resulting in in sanity and leading to znibciy. decay and death. Premature Old Ago. iiarrenness. Lota of power in either box. Involuntary Ixmeoa and Bpormat Drrhcra caused byover-nxt-rtion of thobram. elf abuse or orer-indulcgnco. Kirh box contains) one month's treatment. ft.fOa boi.oreix boiss) foriSXU.sentbymatl prepatdoa receiptor pace. WE GFAKA VTEE SIX BOXES Tocure any case. With each order received bytM (or six boxes, accompanied with $5X0, wa will send the purcha&er our written guarantee to re fund the money if the treatment doei&otetfect euro. Guaranttyse itutuedonlyby JOHN O. WEST & CO., 862 W. MADISON ST., CHICAGO, ILLS., Sole Prop's West's Llvee Pills. S500 REWARD! lraj.atl. ! by sUd,HMr !! WW mil 1 it.m... J-Mrw'a-."lw I "vrl I BRAUH I I sgHLtfi MLagH 2" o Terr -3 M Z.'Eo.-t 3 n-a SB o ?B&r.jsX.j.Bjfjjflf ITi-WIHIH 2K '. TV