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About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 3, 1886)
t i? I' 8 Talklac to the Dead. O, ye Dead! the tears I've shed for you hare robbed me of ray youth. Frost your voices 1 eea never more hear words of lore and truth. Tour friendly hands are withered, and your loving- eyes decayed. And your bodies molder in the dust of which ye first were made. Do ye sometimes watch the seasons as of old they come and go? Do ye know when we have sunshine? Do ye know when we have snow? Do ye sec us? Can ye hear us? Do ye know our hopes and fears? Can ye recollect the time when ye yourselves shed bitter tears? Do ye sometimes wish to speak to us and help usintbestrire? Do ye see how much we suffer in the thorny path or life If we could know the secrets that ye know beyond the tomb, Would such knowledge make us cowards? Would it cheer us in ourffloom? O, ye Deadl O. ye Dead: in your peaceful blest estate . , Ye can see what God has written in the Books or Lire and Kate! But since the day ye went a:ay from earth, for well or ill. Ye hare kept your secret from us, because it isGodTawili: . , The Baroness von Oppen In The Week. Crashed Love. The flute and the trombone were still neck and neck, , Though the cornet had finished iberace. When down through the aisle iu sort gar ments she came With the usher to show her her place. Her chair. Number 5, was the next beyond inlne. As I rose that she might psss me by, I caught the perfume or the flowers that ahe wore. And me timid side glance or her eye. A thrill as or music went through my poor heart; Love htid come I was sure I knew that; But the Joy was short-lived; I heard some thing auiHSb, And J.'Ve leu me a ruined silk hat. Buffalo Kxpreas. SYLVIA'8 HOME. "Its all nousense!" said Sylvia Dana, as the letter dropped from her hands, and an indignant Hush overspread the pure perfect oval of her lovely face. "A if I would leave you mamma, to be adopted into the most luxurious home that wealth could give. No a thous and times no!" The little woman in the straight black draperies and the widow's cap looked pleased and yet sad. "But, Sylvia, my dear, are you sure you are making a wise decision in thus refusing your uncle's offer? He is will in to adopt you and provide for you as his own nor should you attach an un due importance to the few words about me which lie has written. He never ap- E roved his brother's marriage with me; e never liked me; but you are quite an other person. Sylvia. Ought you to throw away a chance like this, and for a mere whim?" Mamma, it is not a whim. I would rather stay here in this poor little rose covered cottage and make dresses for ever thau leave you. Don't, please, try to shako my resolution any more; in deed, it will be of no use. I shall write to Uncle Dana Hits very night" And she did a brief iudignant letter, blotted with her tears, resolutely de clining the liberal offer of the merchant trince, and scarcely even thanking him or it. "As if I would leave mamma!" she kept repeating to herself. And then Sylvia Dana sat down be fore the mirror and began unbratding the magnificent masses of bronze-gold hair that fell like a glimmering cloud down to her waist. It was a bright and far from unpleas ing reflection that the mirror returned toiler as she sat there, thoughtful and abstracted. An oval face, pink and white in its hues, like the satin lining of a 6ea-shell. deep grey eyes, limpid and almond-shaped, with a fringe of thick lashes curving upward ' at the ends, small straight features, and a fresh crimson mouth that was what she saw. And viewing this duplicate of herself, Sylvia Dana could hardly be aware that she was very lovely. 1 Mippose if 1 lived in a great city like London, and visited at crowds of houses, aud went out every night to parties ami soirees, where people con gregate together, 1 might turn my beau ty to some account, ami niaue what the world causa great match, she mutch, she pou- dered to herself, with a curl to her upper-lip. ordained it otherwise, here and make dresses: slight scornful "But fate has I am to stay but theu mam- ma will be with me. Darling mamma! No, 1 do not for a single instant re gret the decisiou that i have made. I wonder what sort of an answer I shall receive to mv letter "to Uncle Paul Dana?" She received no answer at all. Uncle Paul Dana was not the sort of man to repeat an offer that had ouce been feo scornfully rejected. He had loved his dead brother, he nad been willing lib erally to provide for that brother's daughter. Beyond this he would not advance a single inch. So he read over Sylvia's letter with a curious smile on his iron old face, and put it away into one of the pigeon-holes of his desk. "She must be an uncompromising little virago," he said to himself. "Well, well, as she has made her bed she must lie in it." It was late in August when Sylvia, re turning from Mrs. Squire Robinson's, where she had been to lit some grena dine dresses, stopped to rest in her fav orite nook, where a rustic bridge ppauned the trout stream, and a gnarled old willow hung almost hori zontally over the crystal-brown waters. As she sat down on the trunk of the tree, throwing off her bonnet with a sigh of relief, there was a rustling among the tall rushes cloe to her; she started up with a scream, and saw a tall stranger busied in angling. I hope I have not frightened you?" he said, courteously lifting his hat. Sylvia smiled at her own folly. "I did not see vou when I sat down to rest" "And 1 am sorry you have seen me now." he said pleasantly, "if I am to drive you away from your shady refuge. I can fish a little lower down the stream just as well as here." He was gathering up his tackle pre- Earatory to retreat when Sylvia stopped im. "No." she said peremptorily. "I am going home." She kept her word, but as she was Sassing the one 6ole "village inn," Mrs. Iartn, the landlord's wife, ran out to accost her. "Miss Sylvia," 6he said, "have you a spare room at the cottage you and your mamma would let to a decent body come down for a week's Gsbin'? There's plenty o' table-room here, but our ac commodation is small for sleepin', and "Yes, certainly." said Sylvia. "Mam ma would let her room to a respectable person, if Mr. Martin will come up with him to-morrow." For the widow and her daughter could scarcely afford to let any oppor tunity pass tor turning an honest penny. "Oh, I'll go bail he's respectable," said Mrs. Martin, evidently relieved by Miss Dana's answer, "for he's willing to pay in advance." Sylvia smiled a little at the good landlady's standard of respectability, and went on in the fragrant midsum mer twilight, moving as lightly as the tire-flies that glimmered at her side. Mr. Martin brought up the guest next morning, according to agreement made by bis buxom wife, and introduced him as "Mr. Maiuwaring." Sylvia started and blushed when she recognized her chance acquaintance at the trout-stream, of the night before, but she inclined her bead courteously, nevertheless, while Mr. Mainwaring "thought to himself that be bad mtk in all hTs life seen so pretty a creature as Miss Dana. "I must sketch her head,"' he iuward ly pondered, "though 1 don't believe there is a tint in alt my color-case cap able of reproducing the golden; burnish on her hair. A perfect blonde, and jet." her eyes are dark and deep -as-liquid"-wells! How on earth came such a royal little blossom to be wasting its sweetness on the desert air of this out-of-the-way little village?" So Mr. Mainwaring took possession of the little chamber, with its curtained dormer-window, its spare-bed smelling of dried rose-leaves ami lavender, and dimity-covered furniture and cleanly scoured board .floor; for Mrs. Dana and Sylvia had never dreamed of the extravagance of a carpet in their best "bedroom," and almost before the widow and her daughter knew it, he had become an indispensable element of the little family circle. He helped Mrs. Dana train her apri cot espalier agaiusl the south garden wall, and held steins of sewing-silk for Sylvia to wind, and brought back rare bouquets of ferns aud wild-flowers from his fishing excursions, and taught Syl via how to copy them in crayons, aud insensibly became almost one of the familv. "I'm sure I don't know what we shall do when Mr. Mainwaring is gone.' Mrs. Dana said, for the week's fishing had gradually lengthened itself out into a month, while Sylvia flushed and grew pale, and, went upstairs to get a ball of welting cord, and did not come down again for a long, long time. But all pleasant things draw to an eud. and so did Mr. Mainwaring's so journ among the peaceful shadows of the sylvan hills. The evening before his departure he requested a special interview with Mrs. Dana. "Madame," he said, with the. chival rous courtesy which seemed of right to belong to him, "1 have a very great favor to ask of you!" "A favor?" said the simple little widow. "I suppose it's the receipt for that cough medicine?" "No. madauie, it is not. I want to ask you for permission to marrv Sylvia?" 9 "To marry Sylvia?" Mrs.' Dana be gan to tremble all over. "But my goodness. Mr. Mainwaring, you're only a dry goods clerk; you can't afford to marry." "I said I was in the dry goods busi ness, madame. but not exactly a e'erk. I think I can support Miss Dana com fortably, aud you also, madame. if you will consent to grace our home with your presence." "To be sure. I've a hundred a year of my own," put in the widow, "and that would help along with the house keeping." j "Undoubtedly!" Mr. Mainwaring made answer with a quiet peculiar smile. "And when " began Mrs. Dana, but Mainwaring interrupted her: "Without loss of time. I should like to take my bride with me when 1 return to my home." Mrs. Dana turned, with a puzzled face, to Sylvia, who just then entered. "This is very sudden. Sylvia." "Very sudden, mamma!'' "But I like Mr. Maiuwaring." "So do I, mamma," laughed Sylvia, rosy as a suuset cloud. "And we might have a cozy little wedding with just a few friends." "Yes, mamma." Sylvia answered dutifully; but the next morning, just as Mrs. Dana was taking her seat behind the coffee urn, Mr. Mainwaring and Sylvia came iu. "Dear me, children!" questioned the widow; "where have you been?" "To be married, mamma," obbed Sylvia, hiding her face on her mother's shoulder.' "tor Charles m;it return to-night, and I did not like to trouble you with the responsibility of so sudden a decision." "Married, child!" Mr-. Dana looked from sun to daughter in blank surprise. "Well, perhaps it's just as well, for the parlors are small, ami we couldn't get anything nice for the wolding-break-fas't." "Mamma always makes the best of everything.'' laughed Sxlviu. So it was settled that Mrs. Dana should join her children just as soon as the house couid hi let. and her modest belongings packed up. "I wonder if we shall ever meet your uncle, my love," he said, as she helped Sylvia to fold up her few simple dresses. "Iondou is, a great city, mamma, you must remember,1' Sylvia answered. It was just a month afterwards that Mrs. Dana was rolling in a coxy carriage from the railway-station to wards No. , street. May fair. "1 wonder what sort of a house they live in," pondered the gentle little widow, holding tight on to her bird cage. "Sylvia never has written me anything about that. Most likely they have got half a house, or a suite some where. Young people just beginning the world must plan moderately at Iirst: but I do hope he has been able to give bcr a set of cushioned chairs and a substantial carpet I'm glad I brought the old damask curtains; they'll make a nice lounge-cover, or something of the sort. There's nothing like economy. My goodness! what are we stopping it this big house for?" The coachman touched his hat j "Please, ma'am, we're here." ! Mrs. Dana descended, in great sur prise, and found herself the next mo ment in a broad marble-paved vesti bule, lighted by a great central chande lier. A servant threw open a pair of folding-doors, revealing a superb suite of apartments, carpeted in royal purple velvet, and furnished iu purple satiu and rosewood, while from the lavender- tinted walls, panelled in thread-like lines of gold, hung paintings all aglow with Russian forests, and Italian lakes, and soft Swiss vales. i "It's a palace!" thought Mrs. Dana, when suddenly a loving arm stole round her neck, and a familiar voice murmured: "Dearest mamma, welcome to my new home!" It was Sylvia in a dress of crimson moire-antique, with thread lace en circling her throat, and mbies flashing from her pretty ears. i "And here is my husband, mamma Mainwaring Dana and here is his uncle ana mine. "Gracious me!" ejaculated Mrs. Dana. "Why. it's my husband's brother, who " "Who has made a great fool of him self, and who heartily repents it, mad ame," said a tall stately, old gentleman, coming forward with a bow like a secoud Chevalier Bayard. "It is time we should pardon one another, now that my nephew. Brookes Dana's sou, is married to your daughter and my niece." Mrs. Dana did not withdraw the band her stern brother-in-law had taken, but she looked sorely bewildered never theless. "But I thought his name was Main wariug." "So it was," laughingly explained the young gentleman in question "Main waring Dana. You see, I knew of the family feud, and I wished to see the state of things for mveelf. Pleading to my uncle a business tour, I visited your village. Sylvia's grey eyes there conquered me, as they have siuce con quered my uncle. " This is Sylvia's home, dear mother; my uucle resides next door. Are you satisfied with the marriage she has made?" Mrs. Dana sat down, scarcely kuow ing whether she was asleep or awake. "And hew long have yoa known this, Svlvia?" she asked.. - ,1 'loulv became) intra of it; on tha ' morning of my weddingoay, mamma, ' ... r c , ' s v. Even then I thought I 'was marrying a poor young man; and you can imagine .mv surprise at being brought to this fairy palace of luxury, and installed as its 'mistress. Mainwaring would not let me write to yptt htfwanted to give you a surprise.", X ," .-.' "And. he has succeeded,' said Mrs. Dana. "Don't anybody ipcak to me just yet. until I get over this whirling in my brain." Thus the bitter family feeling died out, soothed by the sweet intercessor, love, and the .stern brother-in-law aud the meek little widow became fast friends. "After all." said Mr. Paul Daua. "there's no calculating on these things. When I declined to adopt Sylvia I hadn't an idea that sue, was to le adopted for life by my nephew Main waring. Life is an odd pu.de a very odd one."' 'Yes, uncle." wlii-pered Sylvia, steal ing close up to his side; "but 1 think it is a very pleasant one." THE BM.'imilH.K. Tha Great Structure Htdweea New Turk and Hruoklyn Carerally Ka- ttuilutd Kvrr Wek. The elevated railroad structures seem tohave been, and doubtless were, built in as solid aud durable a manner as was tossible under their system, says the New York Sun. It is, however, ob servable that the repairs upon them, ue eesaitated,by the severe wear aud tear to which they are subjected, appear to be unceasing, and it is by uo means a violent supposition that a short relaxa tion of the vigilant watch and promptly applied care enforced by the manage ment of the roads might reuder them very perilous highways of travel. Con sideration of this possibility an extreme ly remote one. it is to be hoped sug gests the idea that it may be rather a vital question how far a like watchful ness prevails for the protection of the great East river bridge. SupL Martin, in a recent conversation on the subject said: "A constant and most careful super vision is maintained over every part of the bridge, though, apart from the rail road, which is not properly a. part of the structure, no signs of wear are ap parent, and we hoio that none will be for a hundred years to come. Every Monday morning two expert mechanic's go over the railroad track from end to end, oiling the sheaves on which the trading cable runs and examining the bolts and fastenings of the railroad. If anything should get out of order during the week it would be noticed by the con ductors on the cars, who are all the time on the lookout, and would be im mediately reported by them at the sta tion when they came in, whereupon a man would be sent out at once to rec tify anything that was out of order. Every day the machinery which drives the cable is thoroughly iuspected in every part, and should anything iu the meantime accidentally get out of order it would be reported promptly lo Chief Engineer Hart, who would take instant measures for making all perfect and se cure again. Every week there is a careful exam ination made of everything pertaining to the structure below the line of the tops of the cars, aud once a month the four saddles on the top of each tower, supporting the bridge cables, are scrut inized. There is never anything wrong with them, or anything to do to them except to keep them painted well, and it is not likely that anything will come to them for a century to come. There can be no movement of the saddles un less on occasion of extraordinarily great irregularity iu the loading of the bridge. When those occur they shift position .so as to distribute the strain equally over the structure, and when the strain is re moved they go back into place. On the occasion ot the Do Long funeral there was an enormous pressure ou the New York spau, and the saddles moved three eighths of an inch, but the moment that the weight on the bridge was shifted over to this end, where the conditions of support are different fiom those ol the New York span, they moved back into place. "Iu addition to lliose established oc casions of inspection, aud the careful provision made for covering possibili ties meantime by means of the employes at work iu the several depart men ts, who are all made to feel a sense of respon sibility aud exercise a constant watch fulness, every person in any way con nected with the bridge, whenever cross ing it or upon it, is expected to be al ways ou the lookout for anything that may be wrong, or that may even seem to him to be irregular or questionable about the condition of the structure, iu even the most minute particular. What ever may be discovered is instantly re ported to me. and I immediately attend to it in any way the occasion demands. Nothing gets loose anywhere, excepting about the railroad, where, of course, there is constant strain and friction. The nuts on the ends of the pins that go through the trusses were at first occa sionally found loose just started a lit tle from their proper condition of abso lute tightness but nothing of that sort has occurred for soma time. DOMESDAY BOOK. Venerable Volutur, Klght Uunrire4 Years Old The Origin or Its Pecu liar Namr. This year being the eight hundredth anniversary of the completion of the "Domesday Book," it has been deter mined to celebrate it under the auspices of the Royal Historical society. We are all familiar with the name- of this book, though few of us have ever seen the inside or the outside of it. It may not be amiss, therefore, to collect a few facts concerning it. so that we may be in a position to take an interest in the subject which is about to call so many of the learned and scientific together. There is the real book as it was pro duced eight hundred years ago, and there is a fac-simile of it which was effected, after ten years of labor, in 1770. It is the original document which forms the subject of interest to ns now. The present home of this venerable book is the record office. It consists of two volumes, a greater and a lesser. The first is a large folio containing 382 double-columed pages, written on vel lum, and deals only with thirty-one counties. The writing is small, clear, aud exquisite, and the red and black inks which were employed are as bright as if written yesterday. The original binding was wood, cov ered with leather and ornamented with brass; this, however, had to be removed, as it was becoming worm-eaten, and would seriously have damaged the vel lum had it remained. It u fortunately, kept by the side of the book, so that those who take an interest in the art of book-binding, eight hundred years ago may see and examine for them selves. In its new binding, ornamented with silver, it turns quite a nineteenth cen tury face to lookers-on; but you have only to open it to see, in spite of the excellent preservation, that it is no child of our time. This book is among records what the Koh-i-noor is among diamonds, and has been the object of incessant care from the iirst day of its existence until now. It was the constant compauion of our early kings, traveling with them where soever they went until, in the reign of John, it was almost lost in the Wash with several- other valuable records. After this it was thought belter to keep it in a place of safety," and we And- that it was early brought to Westminster, aud kept, with the kiug's seal, iu the exchequer under three locks and keys. 1 in charge of the auditor, the bamber- : lains, aad deputy chamberlains of the To exchequer. !5 . ' a 'The name by which this book known is a- startling one, and it is worm nunc to inquire tne reason lor giving it such a title. It is supposed by some to have received it from "donms Dei." a chamber in the cathedral at Winchester so called, in which the re turns were arranged and written down ami whete for a time the book was de posited, it is probablo the words were pronounced as in Italian, which would give "dooms dei" very much the sound of domcsday. A second reason for the same may be found in the fact that "doom" aud "day" (dom. bocs) are Saxou equiva lents of judicium and their union in tho composition of its title thus emphasizes "Domesday Book" as the greatest judi cial record of the age. A third reason for such a name is that the authority of "Domesday Book" has uever been permitted to be called in question, anil when recourse has been had lo it lo determine a doubt concern ing the tenure of land or other matter there could be no appeal against its de cision any more than a sentence pro nounced at doomsday. "Hence," says an ancient historian, "it is called Domesday Book.' " Having looked at the outside and taken a peep at the inside, we will look to its origin atid purpose; and in order to do this, we must go back to the year 1085 a period of leisure to William, after long years of vigilance and anx iety iu quelling rebellion within and without. Like many another conqueror, when the battles were over aud a period of peace and rest arrived, he wanted to take stock of his gains aud see if they were sufficient to repay him for years of sorrow, disappointment and bloodshed, and if not, to make them so. A man who could employ his leisure in think ing and working out such a scheme as the general survey of bis country eight hundred years ago was no ordinary man. and we shall the better under stand this if we quote a passage con cerning him from the "Saxon Chron icles." where he is described from per sonal observation: "The King William about whom we speak was a very wise man, and very powerful, more dignified and strong than any of his predecessors. He was mild to the good man who loved (iod and over all measure severe to the man who gainsaid his will He was also very dignified; so also was he a very rigid and cruel man. so that no one durst do anything against his will." With this character he was not likely to have allowed any obstacles to stand in the way of carrying out any purpose he had at heart. His idea was to take a survey of his kingdom in so accurate and detailed a manner that, when com pleted, he should be able to discover at a glance every hide of land, waste, and water within its borders, the value and the owners of the same, the condition, employment, wealth, and cousequence of every individual of the population. "Not a hide or yard of laud, not an ox, cow, or hog was omitted iu the cen sus," says an ancient historian, and Fuller, iu his "Church History," con cludes a sentence concerning the survey with the words: "So accurate were they in the very fractions of land." There is uo dotlbt that the survey was made with so much exactitude aud con ciseness that the king not only had no difficulty in getting a perfect know ledge of the possessions of the crown and the military strength of the country but it also pointed out lo him the means of increasing the revenue. It is said that William rendered him self universal proprietor of England, and that his own annual fixed income amounted to 400.000. To understand this sum it is necessary to remember that at that time a pound contained three times the amount of silver that it does at present aud that provisions were ten times as cheap theu as now; so that all things considered, bis income could not have been less than i.UOO.U0O or $10,000,000 of our money. To be able lo read for ourselves all that the "Domesday Book" could leach us, we should be obliged to sluiU an ancient form of Noimati French. The picture that we get from the "Domesday Itook" of the England of eight hundred years uri is as uuliko our England of to-day as it is well pos sible to imagine. Vast districts were tbeu covered with parka aud forests of many thousand acres iu exteut. and in numerable herds of swine were turned loose in them to feed upon the acorns and mast. Our eastern counties, now so productive and healthy, were then dreary swamps, uudrained aud almost profitless. Our Westminister abbey aud St. Margaret's Mood nearly aloue, back ed by a thick wood which sheltered thousands of swine. The country seats of the upper classes were then four roomed houses, with the staircases, as a rule, outside, and rarely possessing the luxury of either chimneys or glazed windows, and as lo the laborers' cot tages, they were nothing but mud hovels. Again, we find that the trades follow ed by our forefathers were very few and simple compared with those of our day. Of course, there were smiths, tanner, aud carpenters, but the manufacturing interest," as represented in "Domes day." is confined to cloth workers and potters. The women of the various households were, as we learn, so industrious aud clever as to do away with the necessity of employing bakers, brewers, tailors', and weavers. Thev were quite able to perfoim these tasks for their own homes ami families. The Argosy. WIT AND HUMOR. A Lowell barber is called the May- use he's the fast- flower by bis boss because he's the fast est cutter in the shop. There is only one thing that is more treacherous than a scheiniug woman, and that is a sprinkling-cart going over a crossing. Merchant Traveler. "Do you know why Lord Lonsdale calls the husband Benzine?" "No. Why does he?" "He thinks benzine will take out the stain." A". Y. Sun. Children and fools always tell the truth, says an old adage. Maybe this is one of the reasons why a politician is rarely considered a foot New Haven News. Miss Ethel Have you and George had a quarrel, Clara? Miss Clara No, indeed. It is getting too near Christ mas for me to quarrel with George, dear fellow. AT. Y. Sun. Rich Uncle Now, sir, devise some method by which your expenses will not be above your income. Mine never are. Nephew (triumphantly) Then let's trade incomes. Graphic "You are a fool. John Gray." obserr- I that nnt1nm.t. Ut.- I...I M ever a ft It A avnil reply. New Haven News. The bravest are uot always the teu dcrest, as the poet sinus. There is the red game rooster, for instance; he will fighfa bird double his size, but be cuts up tough in a pot-pie Boston Gazette. Tears of pity will flow for the child uot yet 2 years of age drowned in a tub of water. The little one, whose father was a milkman, was playing near the well-filled cans of pure, creamv milk. Graphic. Tramp Please help me; I am a Charleston Miffcrer. Old geutlemau Ah, indeed; a sufferer by that awful earthquake! What did you lose? Tramp 1 lost a bet how many shocks there was. Life. Herr Strains (yawniue;) - How you vas, Haus? You don't know nobody no more, aiu'd it? Ilnna M;... -. if you vas shut your mouth so 1 can see your face den raebbe I can tell who tou vas. The Judge. 3 Algernon Ya-as, deah boy, IVe been desperwatcly ill; don't you know dea- ml " (uiwiuuu a wciivr jiuii augruv win ucea in in King, mv dear. since I murriml vm " w, ih. nil.mi WVUIIUf Fuller Indeed: what was the trouble? Algernon -I had the b-bwaiu fever. Fuller (Skeptically) O, what are on giving inu? -Humbler. "Do you preach tmtn nili?"' asked the Deacon of an it-lowii chuicli dur ing the. examination of an applicant for the pulpit. "Well, uo not exactly," hesitated lint apjdicant; "I preach 'for notes bank nut." He was summarily expunged. -W'nsh'fjloti Viil'. lrofeor (iu tool of hoiauy class) Mention .some of our common trees. Studeul Ash, iu:p.e. elm. larch, locust, spruce, pine. Inn-- (taking breath). Professor (piuiupiitig) - Chestnut? Student All nghs. -it. if xoii've heard 'cm bcl'oie. I'll slop. Tid-fit. Professor (uhu toid lliu wxitig men to bring iu an c:i on an original sub ject) Well Mr. S iiuders. what have you got to-da? Collegian (who Sfietlt the summer as : w niter alone of the mountain liotcN) l.v- ru.ist beef, roast pork. INIi. and corn-beef hash. 7Yif itits. There is uo halm for the bruised and broken heart of a rejected lover like the sigh of his siiccessiul riv.d years later leading a procession of seven, including two uurse-niaids. a pair ot twins, aud a singleton through a crowded train of cars in search of a place to sit. Cam bridge Cfuinr.',: "O. Miss Brown, who was that very homely young lady yon were with this afternouu?" "That, sir? That was my sister.' "O -ah 1 beg ten thousand pardons! 1 ought to have noticed the great resemblance! That is that is " Then he wished au earthquake would happen right then aud there. .V. Y. Sit II. Buy "Mister, do ymi wauter hire a bin ' luting iiM".or (dubiously) " ti.-ii can i "ii ilu? hVad. write, cipher? li'tie ( :i iet iiuiiiieiittatioti from your last employer?" "No, sir; but I'm a dreadful liar, aud 1 know every bill col lector in the city." "Come around to morrow morning at ." Philadelphia Vail. First literary man That Scribbling ton thinks be is one of the greatest writers of the age. He is a perfect ass. Secoud L. M.- Do you think so? First L. M. At all events, he seems like one. Second ditto O. well! it may be a case of "unconscious ass-simulation." We are all given to that, vou kuow. Ram bUr. "I'm afraid that son of mine will bring my grays hairs in sorrow to the grave, if I live so long." said a lady to a sympathetic friend. "Don't be afraid, ma," said her young hopeful, poking his head in the door. "Sooner than have that hapHu I'll take your hair out of the drawer some night and burn it." 'J'lte Judge. Beasley (who is taking Mrs. B. No. 2 to see the grave of Mrs. B. No. 1) I've been promisin' you this pleasure for some time, Sara'uthy. 'n now 1 want you ter see f ycr can't improve a little and not break down my constitution with any more of them cobble-stone pies of yours. You'll get the same reward some day. Ttd-Itit. At a table d'hote at the seaside: An English lady to her neighbor May I trouble you to pour out some cognac for me? That's it. a little more, please. Neighbor Vou love cognac, then, mad ame? L:ul i. no :hal is, I never drink it eveepi ou two occasions. When 1 have had duck for dinner and when I haven't. French Fun. A news item says: "A man in l,ake lield was struck by a locomotive yester day, knocked over the smoke-slack, and instantly killed. Whisky was the cause." This is shameful. All locomo tives "choo." bin this is the Iirst time one has been accused of indulging ill whisk and knocking a man over its smoke-stack .orriioum Herald. "You say that Robinson is a smart young man?" "Yes. he is a fellow of splendid business attainments." "How do you know thai? lie's not iu any business, and never has b.'en." "That's all right. I know m is a good business man, because live years ago Ins father died and lett him a toriuiu: ot V7..000. and he's got over half of itlefL" .V. Y. Sun. ' "Well. Coupon, I understand you are getting up a burlesque hov to take out on the road." "Yes. I am. It'll be a great company, too." ".Must take con siderable mathematical ability to ruu a burlesque show, doesn't ft?"' "Why uo; none iu particular. What made you think it did?" "O. 1 thought it was all a matter of figures, jou know." -Hambter. "What's the matter, Mr. Tompkins?" asked Fiumly of his landlady. "You seem down iu the inomh." "Matter enough. The new boarder haagune oft without paving a cut of board. He owed uie for four weeks. But 1 don't regret thai so much as I do that 1 let him have bis board for si dollars a week when f sheiild have charged him seven. I'll never make a reduction again." -V. )'. Sun. Manager "You have not got a piop er appreeiutiou of ait. and 1 cannot give you more than "ii.t a week " Pretly actress "But I was getting DloO just ater 1 was divorced, you must remem ber." .Manager.- "l! you aie the ac tress who was di voi ceil3" Actress -"Ye"."'' Mnliagei "And eloped With the French t'uiini?" A-tress "Yes." Manager "Ttuee humlred dollars a week. '- A. 1'. (J ' ic. Mrs. Hendricks, the landlady, and Mrs. Siiupioii. who keeps a rival estab lishment mound theeorner. were return- ing from market w hen Dumley c ! to meet them. He almost swt chanced ent the wuiitl with hi hat. "That is Mr. Dumley, ni fourth floor back." explain ed Mrs. Hendricks. "Indeed!" said .Mr H. Siiiii-.oti. "li:it a veiy polite aud delereiiiiiil iiuiiv 111:111." "He is three weeks lieliind Willi hi-j hoard." replied Mrs. Heiidrieks griinlv. .V. Y. Sun. TIIK JEltSKYLILY. . Woman Who Know Hie Siena ii r. ValtMofHOT Mrs. Langtry denies that she is going to write a play. Of course she isn't, bless her dear heart; but it isn't neces sary for her to deny it The Iirst interview I ever bad with the Jersey Lily was a memorable one. I waa sent as an ambassador extraordi nary to offer her $100 for a column ar ticle for au important New York period i c:ii. i met her in the lobby of the Al Itcrmarle Hotel, New York, and was presented by a friend of mine who hap pened to be with her. "Come up to Wallack's at 1." she said; "I have uow an appointment, but will be there then at rehearsal." I went, and niado my way through the darkness back of the stage. She w;i8 in Mrcet costume and was at the footlights going through the rehearsal of Galatea." Juat as 1 had arrived at the conclusion that she would rauk about the 27.000lh among the handsome women 1 knew, she came up the stage to where I stood. 1 told her my errand. "I oouldu't write anything that anybodr would want to read," she said with a laugh. 1 murmured something about her ability being uo doubt equal to her modesty, when, without noticing it, she went on: "But you could. You could write some thing and 1 could sign iL How would that do" It wouldu't do at all. I answered; what we wanted was some sketch of her- rZ" "... "B , . . "Z fuu uer S,nS on I l.l . r-.i- .. . . ... .. i the st see, and all that Ab. well, yes; then Mrs Labouchere, here, will write it; won't vou dear?" That worthy chaperon said she would try, "and we can fuss it up to gether." "A hundred pounds yon said," mused 1 us Maury, aaaiaraiy. i, perwately and said 1"0 .U O. it's nothing!" -lie broke out; for a whole column, too!" I asiirud her that uo paper would probably pay any mure. At any rate. I w.-t not aullion.vd.to offer it. "And I got a hundred ami twenty-two pounds," he continued, "for just sign ing my name to a certificate of soap yesterdav.' J pleaded that ibis would be different; ".s.giuiig a nice article all about your proievdou, your home, your tastes, your ambitions dinY-rent from soap, don't you ee?" Siie opened her big eyes aud looked wan pathetic inquiry at Mrs. Labou cliciv. then batk at uie. "No. not a shilling less," she said; what's the dif ference?" . I feared that she was becoming be wildered as to the. qualities of things, and turned sadly awav. Washington font. Older than theCheataat Bell. The chestnut bell is the latest varia tion of the method of cheeking old stories. I don't think old stories ought to-be checked. If they're good enough to live a few t enturies. io much the bet ter. I dou't believe in killing anything, not even a chestnut. But I suppose the ancieut Persians had some way of show ing their recognition of old stories, and. very likely wheu the tars of Tyre and' Sidou enme in otfa cruise with purple dyes and things and sat over their grog in the tap-room or beer-cellar of the period some signal stopjied the aarra tion of the venerable maritime chest nut. Eveu in Sail Diego a great many years ago they bad heard all the stories before. hen Agassiz stopped there for a brief spell and imperiled bis digea i tion at the hotel of the time he fell into J a crowd who had exhausted their after I dinner conversation, and fallen so des ' perately back on old Joe Millerisius : that whenever a ma'n began to teli an i old story every fellow n.s he recognized i it pot his spoon acrosshisglass. Agassiz . bad not noticed this very much, but ! catching the spirit of the crowd, he start ed in telling stories. He had hardly begun the first when a fellow put his spoon on his glass, and most of the boys followed. Being a scieutist. be was slow to take any notice of this cranky proceeding. It'caini to the third story, and when he got through every spoon - was on every glass ou the table. But they pretended to laugh. Then one of the circle began, and the second spoon stopped bim dead. "What does it mean?" Agassiz asked of his neighbor. "Well, wheu anybody tells an old story we put our spoons up like that to show we've all heard it before." "Oh! Then all the stories I told were old ones, I suppose?" "Well yes; that is, we had heard them before." "I'm not surprised. I heard thtm myself thirty years ago," he said slowly and with a twinkle, "and to tell you the truth I haven't learned any since." San Francisco Chronicle. Wasn't Prepared. W. D Kerfoot, the real estate man. Agent Morey aud Lawyer White at tended the Knights Templar conclave iu St. Louis the. other day. jSoon after their arrival in the city they hurried in to the diniug-roora of "a hotel and sum moned oue of the colored waiters. Morey and White gave their orders after a cursory investigation of the bill of fare, but Kerfoot. who seemed nearly exhausted from hunger, went more into detail aud kept the waiter by his side until be had slowly worked himself through the animal ami vegetable king doms. Theu he turned round in his chair with a sudden start and, after enumerating the kinds of meat and veg etables he wauted. quietly Informed the darky that they desired their food be fore the earthquake struck the town as they had passed it while riding on the train. "Yarfquake!" exclaimed the negro, bis eyes rolling out upon his cheeks. "Yarfquake comiu' dis way fo shuah?" "It was heading this way when we passed it," replied Mr. Kerfoot with great solemnity. "But I'se not prepa'ed to go." chat tered the darky. "Sorry for you; better bring our din ner and tbeu get to praying," said Ageut Morey. The darky started for the kitchen, but ha had not gone far before he stopped and began to retrace his steps. . "'Bout how fast does dis yere yarf quake travel P" ho asked lu a thick whisper. "Niuety miles au hour." replied the lawyer. "Fo to God I'se not prepa'ed." mut tered the darky as he started out on another pilgrimage for the kitchen. The three men were laughing heartily at the discomfiture of the waiter when be suddenly reappeared, and, with despair, chagrin, and fear stamped all over bis black face, eiclaimed in a trembling voice: "Pon my word, boss, but I'se fo'got yuah order." Chicago Herald. How a Dob; Got Rid or Fleas. A Lewiston attorney is backed up by a tawitton physician in his assertion that the following dog story is absolute ly true, the occurrence having come under tho observation of the physiciau at Old Orchard this summer and related to the attorney iqion honor: An intel ligent dog was afflicted by fleas. They clouded his existence if we may believe aiearauces. sin.-e for four-tifihs of the time the intelligent dog was tied up iu double bow knot tigutiug the smaller aud less intelligent but more nimble tlea. He had chewed the hair from his sides, and Ida eye was lackluster. The mangy canine decided to take a bath in the waves of the ocean aud in so doing discovered that, as the sea water height ened upon bis legs and sides and back the fleas fled before it as. ever, the wicked flee. Soon after the dog was seen backing out into water, a smile growing over bis countenance as an idea took possession of bim. He was next seen with a huge wad of cotton in his mouth. Willi thin, lifted aloft, he backed tlowly out. The fleas crawled higher as the sea water rose about bim. They occupied his back and then his heatl, made uncomfortable as they were by the sea water. Then at last as the dog's head sank very slowly beneath the waves the multitude vacated it, jump in? to the wad of cotton that was float ing just at the dog's nose. The fleas floated away forever oa the tickle wad of cotton while the dog swam ashore to be forever embalmed in history by the story of the doctor and the lawyer aud the "newspaper. Lewiston Journal. a aw Frank B. Graham and Lottie Pelle grini, of AUauta. wauled to marry, but her parents said "No." So Frank and Lottie went to the park and sat down aud waited until a friend brought a clergyman. Then, not rising, for fear of attracting the attention oftbe many passing pedestraine, they joined hands, the eereiuouy was performed, the minis ter gave them some good advice and walked a way. aud the bride went to her home and the groom to his. Three or four days later Lottie's parents beard of all this and told her to bring her husbaud home and be just as happy as she could be. How cool and delightful it is-Uiis morning, is it not. Cicely, uearr sue aald as be burst into the boudoir of bet iuori friend. "Are walk?" "No. you going to taka a I think not thiaaiorn ing. I am prejudiced against moraiag walks." "You didn't use to be. when your fall snit was' in style, you know." ad there followed a chill that notaiag short of a new wit will rajaare BttP grtaTW ws THE CHICAGO SHORT LIE OF THE SLPanl Railway. THE BEST ROUTE From OMAHA and COUNCIL BLUFFS TO THE EAST. Twj Tiitai DUy tttwtu Oaiii. Cj5a:il B:3ft. Chicago. -and - Milwaukee, St. Paul, Minneapolis, Cedar Rapids, Clinton, Dubuque, Davenport, Rock Island.Freeport, Rockford, Elgin. Madison, Janesville, leleit, Winona, La Crosse. Ami all other Important Points Eaal, Northeast and Southeast Kcr tbroiiKti tickets cull oil the Ticket A Kent at Columbus, Nel.r.ska. J'tn.uiAN Slbxpkks nuit the Finks r Dining Oars in iiik Wori.i arc ruu on the main lines of the C'hingo. .vtil. -vraalcee 4c Ml. Patal.tVy. anil everv aiteutiou U paht to pHiriencr- cuur teoua euiploe otitic Couipanv. I. Miller. General Man i- '. II. furpraifr, Kcr. Utsii'l IViaa. AM. J.I'.Tarker, Ast't Gfaa'I SUu. C2eo.ll. llcaaTrt. A.s't Pass. .i-t. J. ' ii Kct.. 1 7-1 irlf.UenM .Sii."i. louis schbkibkh; AU kiid el Shert Nelice Iteiaiiin Higries. dout ou Was- dis, etc., watl tu erilei-. and all work (iiiar- autrfd. Also tell the world-famous Walter A. Wood Mowers, Beapers. Combin ed Machines, Harvestets. and Self-biidsrs- the best made. 'Shop opposite the "Tatter-all," on Olive St., COMJJ1 BU.v -JtJ-iu TRASKS SELECTED SHORE TRASKS THKOSHOINAL and ONLY OUHJINB! Tan no other i PATENTS CAVEATS, ThADE SARkSAND I IIP V RIGHTS Obtained, and all other huainesa in the U. S. Patent Office attended to for MOD ERATE FEES. Our office U opposite tne U.S. Patent Office, and we ran oi.taln Patents in less time than those remote from WASHING TON. Send MODEL OR DRAWING. We advise as to patentability free of charge; and we make NO CHARGE UNLESS WE OBTAIN PATENT. We refer here to the Postmaster, the Sunt, of .Money Order llv., and to offii- dais of the U. S. Patent Office. For cir culars, adiee, terms aud refereucea to actual clients iu your own Slate or count v, write to I.A.N.1IOW f'O.. Opposite Patent Office, Wabiuti'.tnn, D.I.. THE Chicago Herald AND COLUMBUS JOURNAL. The COLI1MHIIN JOHH3IAL. once a week, and the (Jlrfraijn Herald. Ofcve day, for one year. ).. Ttii JODK.XAL und the Wtrkl,, Jtr.ald. one year, S9.70. Addriffch, It. K.Ti;i:nek & o., l'JmayM-x Columbus, Nehr. TTTjIT TVor working people. Semi 10 rl 1 I i f cents postage, and we will 1 1 I J I iX mjjji ynurer. a toyal, val uable sample box of goods that "will put you in the way of making more money in a few days than you ever thought pos sible at any business. Capital uot re quired. You can live at home and work jn spare time only, or all the time. All of both sexes, of all ages, grandly suc cessful. 50 cents to $5 easily earned every evening. That all who want work may test the business, we make this un paralleled offer: To all who are not well satisfied we will send to pay for the trouble of writing us. Full particulars, directions, etc., sent free. Immeuse pay absolutely sure for all who start at once Don't delay. Address SriNsoN & Co. Portland. Maine. OMAHA WEEKLY REPUBLICAN CLUBBING KATES. HEBEAFTEB we will furnish to botfc our old and new subscribers, the Omaha Weekly Republican and Jour nal at the verv low rate of 'J.7S per venr, thus placing within the reach of all the best state aud county wei Wiles ul lished. JjivtJg the reader the condensed, geurral add" foreign telegraphb- and state news of the week. Try for a year and be satisfied. juay.VNI-tf WEHPAPCR A book of 100 paxes. , The best book for aa advertiser to con- suit, be be exper ienced or otherwise. It contains lists of newapapeis and estimates oftbe coat of advertlslng-Th advert iserwno wants to spend one dollar, flixls iu It the In forraatioa ne requires, while forhl iu who w 111 invest one hundred thousand dollar In ad vertising, a scheme ta indicate! widen win meethU every requirement, or ran be made toJotobySli'jkicluwjtStutVy arrive: ttf by cor- rttwndenet. 149 editions have been issued. luinL nnaf.iiahl- to an v address foi address for l' cents. WHt. r.J'll V. HOWELL. A CO.. NKWSPAPEK .ADVERTISING BCKEAU. tMSpraeeaCxTlnUnaUouseSq.). New York. mssm U oa ate la PtUlaScIsai ee Hewspsser AOrr- S. feacy ot jsmsis. mm Mokie Blacksfflitti and Waeon Maker ASCTOTB GlOCtt VOX THZM. nwejiBSiws FREE LAND! roi:- FARMERS & STOCKMEN Jut hevond the Nebraska l'latte Kiver. line on the Thc Country is Wonderfully Productive. -o (heap LiihiIs for sale in tke vicinity ol' the lively Iowa of -Sterling. Grand Openings for all kinds of Busi new. Present population of Town 500. ISflTeiul for firculars to . PACKARD & KINO. 'i?-y Stertiujf, Weill fo., Colorado. ESTABLISHED IN I860. I'HK- WASIMNlil'oN'. . r. Psllv, eveepi Stuiico . Price, fti.H0 p-r rsr in .utv.i!ift:, (nsttire free. TIIK WEEKLY I1T11IM IEMLIE1I. IrVrttMl to uenernl iirw alitt original matter olitaiiit'tl Irmii tin- lleptrhueiit of Aci iiultiire tint oilier lt-pti tmeiittt ot the llorniiiiMit, relating to the Ijrinlui; ami pliiiitin iiiti-r. !-.. An .ilor.-itt' ot Kelililit':lll t ihi'ili-s. revifwin t'arlr-. ami fairly thr :icti til Cnnrei Hint I lie National "Adminis tration Price, $l.uo per year hi aitvame. put:i!;c tree. K. W. FOX. President and .Maua;r r. The National Hkcublican aud the oi.UMBiis .Iouknau 1 vear, $i.rrf). 2-x Cures Guaranteed! DR. WARN 3 SPECIFIC No. 1. At ertaiu Cure for Ncroiii Dcl.llity. Seminal Weakiiot, liiolutit:ir Kiih'i sious, Sperui.itorriic:t. and all dtei--i. ol the ciiito-uriiiai orau- canned U self, abuse or over indulgence. Price, $1 ooper hox. !i hove $.i.uu. DR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. 2. For Epileptie Fits, cntal Anvietv, Loss of Memory, ofteniugof the Itrttiti. and all those diseases of the brain. Prise $1.00 per hox, six boxes $.1.00. DR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. 3. For Impotence, Sterility in sillier sex. Loss of Power, preiii.iture'old :if . and nil those diseases requiring a tlinrotili in vigorating of the oexti.il organs. Price $:i.00 per box. six hovrs $in.mi. DR. WARN'S SPECIFIC No. 4. For Headache, Nerou? Neuralgia, and all acute diseases of the nervous sTslein. Priee ."Oe per hox, six boxes $2..V. " DR. WARN'S SPECIFIC No. 5. For all diseases caused by the over-iiie of tobacco or liquor. This remedy is par ticularly efficacious in averting palsy and delirium tremeus. Price $1.00 pr o, six boxes $5.00. We Guarantee a Cure, or agree to re fund double the money paid. Certificate in each hox. This guarantee applies tit each of our live Specifics. Sent by mall to any address, secure from observation, ou receipt of price. Be careful to mention the nuuiher ot" Specific wanted. Our Specifics are only recommended for spe cific diseases. He ware of remedies war ranted to cure all these diseases with one medicine. To avoid counterfeits aud al ways secure toe genuine, order only from DOWT1 CHI. DRUGGISTS, Columbus, Neh. P.U Heal is Wealth! Da E. C Wz3Ta Mkbvk asd BsAnr Tbzat- K(T, a guaranteed apecifio for Hysteria, Dizzi- naaa. Convnlaiona. Headach0.Nerroas Prostration caused by the u fin lte, Nerrou. Neuralgia. oxaiconoi or tobacco, waaaruineM, menui im. pre iou. Softening of the Brain resulting ia ia eanity and leading to misery, decay and deata. Premature Old Aga. Harronneaa, Loee of power la either eez. Inroluntary Loeaea and Hperaar orrbcta caused by over-exertion of the brain, self buss or over-indulgence. Each, box contains as aonth'a treatment. tLOOabox.oreixboxae forlW0,sentbymail prepaidon receipt of pries. Wl CJUAKAXTKE IX MXU To rare any ease. With each order received byvs for six boxes, accompanied with 13.00. we will Bead the) purchaser our written guarantee) to rev fund the money if the trtmenttfoelotSfaa cure. Guarantee issued only by JOHN O. WEST & CO., 62 W. MADISON ST., CHICAGO, ILLS., Sole Prop'a West's Liver Pius, c gags s-o 80 -r BBBW1 e m ; . sSSoSBTl rss-'S'jaSs- 3a"-"2 T3 " ,-:&. .o .- f -a.-.". Bl M Htr Cso 9 - r StSS S"0 5 9 3 nmS.ii ? ' -IsaBiMSg-S o O O o o Zn L ?3ff. im presents given nieay. Send us 5 cents' postage. iuuu and by mail you will get jree a package of goods of large value, that win start you iu work that will at once bring yoifin money faster than any thing else iu America. All about the S-iOO.OOO in presents with each box. Agents wauted eery where, of either sex, of all ages, for all the time, or spare time only, to work for us at their own homes. Fortunes for all workers ab solutely assured. Don't delay. II. Ual LfcTT fc Co., Portland, Maine. S50Q REWARD! WE will T Of that mud for n nm ef tlrw t Vjfpl.tltkHHrbt,lB4mUn.CimtinetC;ltimt wt ou.) nit Uk WmCi VrnUU. tin Kit, wWm Ik ln tlouanMrktlxcoaflMwUb. TtoytrafaM!? vajtuk It, 4 amr&U ffn atu&cUra. SatwCoalaa. Umlmim. tatalafM sWOt mta. teslt bj tt esjtto. Bmiail jutorMu aa4 Iwllifciot. Tka mate Mlfctlms; m1 JOHN C. WZST CO, HI MS W. M.llw, tlT-- -sveWseiiirtlgwsUiriiiUisWsstisistsifc 14T1PHELL V CO. IKALKUS IS Raors and Iron ! The highest market price paid lor rag aud iron. Store iu the Bubach building Olive st.. Columbus. Neb. .tf COLD field acarr. bat iku -K .. .-. SilaiOBaroL.furtUoiMin.wil '"i full infotcutiou about woik bkt the, caa Jo.cl ln.at bume.tbal Bill n IbtO from SA la a2S Mr daw. &in. h... araedo..rS3fHDaJar- KHBrrM.ouDKotM. Capital o rtqulml. Vou ai atll frw. Tbo m ho tiait at one abMlgtely wr, cf aa unla foi tusta. AU la mV. 3S-v WIN more money than at anything else by taking an agency for the best selling book nut. H. Klnners succeed grandly. None fell. Terms free. &uxaiT Boos; Co., Port lsad, Mains, 42.y NATIONAL REPIUAN 'IljWi I euual nun V y V ,. tl :- . --r- -
