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. 1
SO
VOL. XVII.-N0. 19.
COLUMBUS, NEB., WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 1886.
WHOLE NO. 851
i
I'Yirf
i-
V
COLUMBUS
STATE BANK!
COLUMBUS, HEB.
CASH CAPITAL, - $75,000
DIKKCTOUS:
Leandek Gebbaku, Prcs'i.
Geo. W. Hulst, Vice Pres't.
Julius A. Rekik
K. II. Hknuy.
J. E. Task Eh, Cashier.
Baik eF ItepoNli IMnreaBi
amd Exchaaxe.
CellectioaiM Promptly Made
II Pel him. ,
Paj latere! oi Time lep
It. COLUMBUS
Savings Bank,
LOAN & TRUST COMPANY.
Capital Stock,
8100,000.
OFFICEKS:
A. Anieksox, Pkes't.
O. W. Shkluos, Vice PkeVt.
O. T. Kobn, Tkeas.
ItOHEItT UlII.IG, Sec.
1ST Will receive time deposits, from
J1.00 anil any amount upwards, and will
pay the customary rate of interest.
JSTWe particularly draw your atten
tion to our facilities for making loans on
real estate, at the lowest rate of interest.
tSTCity, School and County Bonds,
and individual securities are bought.
liune'B6-y
FOR TIDE
CALL OX
A.&M.TURNER
Or . W. KIBLER,
Travellac SalesiHaa.
jPtTThese orgaus are first-claBS in everv
particular, and so guaranteed.
HENRY LUERS,
DEALER in
OBALLEHGrS
WIND MILLS,
AND PUMP,
Buckeye Mower, combined, Self
Binder, wire or twine.
Piaps Repaired on short notice
fTQne door west of Heintz's Drug
Store, 11th Street, Columbus, Neb. 8
HENRY G-ASS.
,c
TJNDERTAKEE !
COFFINS AND METALLIC CASES
AXD DEALER IN
Furniture, Chairs, Bedsteads, Bu
reaus. Tables, Safes. Lounges,
to., Picture Frames and
Mouldings.
y Repairing qf all kinds of Upholstery
Goods.
e-tf
COLUMBUS. NEB.
NO HUMBUG!
But a Grand Success.
EF. BBIGHAM'S AUTOMATIC WA-
terTroughfor 6tock. He refers to
every man who has it in use. Call, on or
leave;orders at George Yale's, opposite
-Oehlrich'i grocery. 9-6m
tLYON&HEALY
I SMI Mearea Sts..Chicsge.
Wllimd miU t ; nMnw UMir
BAND CATALOCUE,
liar ISA roo k tmji0
' iMtnnmu. miu, ip to
.. Enalfll. Cvlmm.
Cm j. rw. U.mtH Sixf SM
L'T - - . . - . .i j ir-
1-. .m.9. h ftuifci. umnv
UmuS iQtioan intimwii -
m Cliiiii Kmxi ilic
h-Imi IV Anm nM. ua
A-TT T rZITl Send six cents lor
r K. I j ii loi.tage.and receive
J. l)U-J. free a costly box of
xooda which will help you to more money
rirat awav than anything else in this
world. All, of either sex, succeed from
ftrtt hour. The broad road to fortune
epess before the workers, absolutely
are. At obcs address, Tkub 4 Co.,
Augusts, Males.
WESTERN COTTAGE ORGAN
Whit Democracy Meamu.
Chicago Times, Dem : Democracy
is a word of various ami contradicto
ry meanings. In Sooth Carolina it
means civil service reform ; in Ohio,
Indiana, and divers other states it
means tho spoils to the victors ; in
Pennsylvania it means protection, in
Iowa free trade, and in sundry other
commonwealths it has no meaning
at all upon the subject; in the east
it mefcu hotiOBt finance, and in the
west it means cheap money ; in the
-outh it meaus prohibition and in the
north it means free whisky; in the
white-house it means economy in
public expenditures, in congress it
meanq extravagance and jobbery; in
theory it rneaus pure administration
in practice it means Pan-Electric
scandals and river and harbor jobs.
To say that a man is a democrat or
that ho "belongs" to the democratic
party does not afford the slightest
clew to his opinions upon the tariff,
the currency, the civil service, prohi
bition, or any other question of poli
tics of interest to the present genera
tion. Or, as Mr. Dana would say, "It
is not necessary for a man to believe
anything" about any living issue to
entitle him to good standing as a
democrat. All that is necessary is
that be should vote the ticket pre
pared by his bosses and ask no im
pertinent questions.
QlavdMtesie est she Irisli Qaetie.
Gladstone, in the course of an ad
dress at Cbeslehurst on Saturday,
said : "The enthusiasm of the Brit
ish friends of the home rule idea is
an incentive to me to never be beaten
in it, but continue to struggle for the
happiness of Ireland. Although
there may have been prejudices be
tween Great Britain and Ireland, the
fact tlTut the recent elections 1,400,000
Englishmen and Scotchmen voted in
behalf of Ireland showed that preju
dice is laBt disappearing. Let me
consult any book or nation in the
world aud I will not find one which
does not 6ay the relations between
England and Ireland under the union
have been miserable for Ireland and
dishonorable for England. If the
country desires to redceir. her honor
and enable her parliament to attend
its pressing business of imperial leg
islation the Irish question must be
settled."
araeira Aaaendweat
to the
Addreaa.
ParnoU's amendment to the address
in reply to the queen's speech is as
follows: "We humbly assure your
majesty that we fear that, owing to
the heavy fall in agricultural pro
duce, the greatest difficulties will be
experienced during the coming wiu
ter by the tenant farmers in pay
ment of present rents. Many will
be uuable to pay, and numerous
evictions and confiscations of rights
vested in tenants by the land act of
1881 will follow, causing widespread
suffering and endangering the tnain
tainance of social disorder. We dep
recate any attempt to transfer the loss
due to inability to pay rent from the
owners of the land to the tax-payers
of Great Britain and Ireland by any
exteution of state assis ted purchases
on a basis of rents fixed when the
prices were higher than now."
W. T. Stewart, who took over
$12,000 from the Western Union
Telegraph company at Wichita, Kan.,
and fled, turned up the other day at
Winnipeg, trying to pass himself off
in some other name as an Ameri
can detective officer. He even un
dertook to convince some of the po
lice force that be belonged to the
famous Pinkerton force. Officers
commenced to investigate his case
and found enough facts and circum
stances to justify bis arrest soon after
as he was about to take the eastbodnd
train. It is probable from what can
be learned that Detective McKenzie
will take him back.
A remarkable freak of lightning
occurred at Plainfield, N. J., at the
residence of Mr. CorneliuB Paul. The
shutters of the bay window in the
dining-room were open, and in the
center of the window stood a small
stand on which rested an old gold
Japanese tray. Upon this tr&y the
lightning imprinted the photograph
of Miss Lillian Paul, a young lady of
eighteen years of age, who had just
stepped to the table to remove it. The
case is said to be the only one on
record, and will be scientifically in
vestigated. The traveling men of Nebraska
held a meeting one day last week at
Hastings and formed an organization
to be known as the Nebraska State
Traveling Men's Association, with
headquarters at Hastings. G. Spang
ler was elected president ; J. Callan,
secretary ; T. C. Harst, treasurer ; S.
Thrin, firBt vice president ; T. B. Beal,
associate vice president, and a board
of directors consisting of ten mem
bers. The association starts out with
a membership of 125, eighty of whom
were present at this meeting.
James G. Blaine delivered a
masterly speech the other day at
Sebago Lake, Maine. He discussed
in this speech the tariff policy, the
labor question, the fishery question
and dispute between the United
States and Great Britain, relations
with Mexico and the third party
prohibition action -in Maine. 'This
speech cornea from a man of great
experience and intelligence and
should be rend by erery rotor in the
United States.
We heard a good one on editor Price
this week, from a lady who is a regu
lar reader of the Tribune. She had
made up her mind that the man who
writes such majestic sentences, which
rumble across the horizon of human
intelligence like a pumpkin over a
barn floor, must be sixteen hands
high, a yard wide and buttons up the
back. She never saw the president
of the Blue Ribbon Club until last
Sundayand on the way home re
marked "Why, what a little shrimp
he is ! I was never so disappointed
in all my life !" You can send the
cigars over by his Satanic majesty
Brothor P. Press.
All right! And here are your ci
gars. Which reminds us that upon
the same occasion Editor Casper was
on the program of the Blue Ribbon
club for. a tbree minute speech, dur
ing the delivery of which he took
occasion to refer to himself as a
"self made man," and really seemed
proud of the job. "On the way home
a lady who is a regular reader" of
the Press remarked: "Well, Brother
Casper has certainly relieved the
Lord of a great responsibility I" As
we don't 6moke you can le:ive your
order tor ice cream at the
north side restaurant, Brother C.
David City Tribune.
Mbs. Cleveland bad the pleasure
and honor, by request, ot setting in
motion the machinery at the Minne
apolis Exposition on the 23d ult., at
4:30 p. m. When tho circuit of elec
tricity was ready Mrs. Cleveland
closed the key at Saranac Lake, New
York, at the hour named, more than
a thousand miles away, and within
two minutes after the reply came
from Minneapolis to Mrs. Cleveland
that the machinery was working
beautifully.
A !VsMrew Ecape.
I was suddenly taken very ill at
Eagle Lake, this state, the other day
with cholera morbus, and used
morphine to no avail, and I grew
worse and despatched a messenger
for a physician, who brought with
him a bottle of Chamberlain's Colic,
Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy, and
gave' me a dose which relieved me
instantly, and 1 firmly believe that to
it I owe my life and the physician
who was unprejudiced enough to
administer it when all others failed,
and I repeat again, I owe my life to
your great preparation.
I remain yours gratefully,
G D. Waite, Prescription Clerk,
With Chas. A. Gray, Waterville,
Minn. Sold by Dowty & Heit
kemper. 15-4
Fhaok Hall, 4i printer of Burling
ton, Iowa, fell the other night from a
third story window of the Gazette
composing room to the basement.
He lived but a short time. It is sup
posed he went to sleep and fell out
of the window.
A CaptalaTit Fertasmte Dis
covery. Capt. Coleman, schr. Weymouth,
plying between Atlantic City and N.
Y., had been troubled with a cough
so that he was unable to sleep, and
was induced to try Dr. King's New
Discovery for Consumption. It not
only gave him instant relief, but al
layed the extreme soreness in his
breast. His children were similarly
affected and a 9ingle dose had the
same happy effect. Dr. King's New
Discovery is now the standard
remedy in the Coleman household
and on board the schooner.
Free trial bottles of this standard
remedy at Dowty & Heitkemper's
drug store.
Two explosions of gas occurred at
the South Mountain colliery at
Lyken, Pa., the other day, which
burned twenty men seriously. The
explosion was caused by the lighting
of a lamp in an air hole.
Oood Keewlta 1st Every Cause.
D. A. Bradford, wholesale paper
dealer of Chattanooga, Tenn., writes
that he was seriously afflicted with a
severe cold that settled on his lungs :
had tried many remedies without
benefit. Being induced to try Dr.
King's New Discovery for Con
sumption, did so and was entirely
cured by use of a few bottles. Since
which time he has used it in his
family for all Coughs and Colds with
best results. This is the experience!
of thousands whose lives have been
saved by this Wonderful Discovery.
Trial Bottles free at Dowty & Heit
kemper's Drag Store.
Two horses were stolen from a
pasture near Bine Springs, Neb., the
other night. One belonged to Dr. J.
H. Quinn and the other to F. W.
Burke. A reward of $25 is offered.
liacltlea'e Aralem Salve.
The Best Salve in the world for
Cuts, Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt
Rheum, Fever Sores, Tetter, Chapped
Hands, Chilblains, Corns, and all
Skin Eruftioms, and positively cures
Piles, or no pay required. It is guar
anteed to five perfect satisfaction, or
money refanded. Price 25 cents per
box. Foi sale by Dowty A Heit
kemper. Mayl7-ly
' Reports caste from a number of
of places in sonthern Mich
igan last week of storms, doing
much damage to crops and farm
buildings.
Three Remarkable Men.
The Rev. Dr. Harsha of Omaha nar
rates the following incident as told to
him by John Dixon of Dixon, 111:
Gen. Winfielil Scott when a young
man was stationed at Fort Snelling, at
the time perhaps the remotest outpost
of the United States. When the Indian
outbreak known as the Blackhawk war
was inaugurated some militia from Illi
nois proffered their services to aid in
conquering the savages. With a view
to mustering them into the service of
tho United States two lieutenants were
sent by Scott to the then village of Dix
on. One of these was a very fascinat
ing, good-looking. easy-mannered,
affable, and lluunt j-oung gentleman.
The other was equally pleasant looking
but an exceedingly modest young man.
On the morning when tho mustering in
was to take place a tall, gawky, slab
sided, homely young man, dressed in a
home-made suit of blue jeans, presented
himself to the two lieutenants as the
captain of the recruits aud was duly
sworn in. This was he who afterwards
became president of the United States
the lamented Lincoln. Ouc of the lieu
tenants, the modest youth, was he who
fired the first gun from Sumter. Maj.
Anderson. The other, and he who ad
ministered the oath, was in after years
president of the Southern Confederacy
Jefferson Davis."
Corroborative of Dixon's story Dr.
Harsha relates that lie was afterwards
in the book-rooms of Carter Bros., New
York, where he chanced to repeat these
coincidences in the presence of several
persons who were listeners. One of
them, an elderly gentleman, arose and
remarked that he was happy to be able
to confirm the facts as given by Mr.
Dixon, as he was the chaplain at Fort
Snellinsr at the time, and was fully able
to corroborate each statement Another
by-stander added: "Mr. Lincoln had
often been heard to say that the first
time he ever took the oath of allegiance
to the United States it was administered
to him by Jefferson Davis."
m
Two SideH or City Life.
It was on one of the hottest of the re
cent severely hot afternoons that a New
York Times reporter, waiting near tho
corner of 23d street and 5th avenue, as
sisted briefly and unintentionally at a
meeting between two friends. " Both
were ladies of matronly bearing, comely,
well dressed, presumedly intelligent,
and this is what they said two feet away
from him:
"What dreadful weather."
"Not so hot as yesterday, do you
think?"
"It seems so to me."
"I judge more by Nan my dog's feel
ings, really, than my own."
"Oh, yes, poor little creature. She
must suffer this weather."
"She fdt yesterday's heat more than
any day yet Why," I had her in the
coolest room in the house and then fan
ned her most of the day."
Here the reporter's car fortunately
bore him away. A half-hour later his
way took him through one of the streets
of the hospital district in upper Lexing
ton avenue. It was dispensary day at
one of these excellent institutions, and
the block was crowded on the shady
side of the street with waiting mothers
bearing in their arms the sick babies
whose Tittle lives were weakly gasping
out under the accumulated burdens of
stilling heat, scant nourishment, and
the polluted air of crowded tenements.
The sight was pitiful the weary, hope
less expression of the women, and tho
pale, sodden faces of the babies, who
lay most of them with closed eyes and
hanging, nerveless hands. In forcible
contrast rose the spectacle of an enerv
ated pug lolling on its cushions in a
cool, airy room, while its devoted mis
tress tirelessly waved the refreshing
palmleaf before its wrinkled and expres
sive countenance.
Nellie Grant's Sad Lot.
A relative of the Grant family in this
city is authority for the statement that
the married life of Nellie Grant Sartoris
is far more humiliating aud unpleasant
than has yet been made public, writes a
Washington correspondent of tho Bos
ton Herald. Mrs. Sartoris makes her
home with her husband's father in the
north of England. Here, according to
all accounts, she is treated as a sort of
Sioor relation. Two rooms arc set aside
or the use of herself and children, and
their meals furnished, but nothing else
is given to them either by the husband
or Mr. Sartoris, Sr. So far, indeed, as
the younger Sartoris is concerned, it is
said that he has not contributed a penny
to his wife's support for years. It is a
well-known fact that for a couple of
years prior to Gen. Grant's death remit
tances of money were regularly sent to
Nellie to provide her and her children
with clothing and other useful articles.
When the general became impoverished
through the rascality of Ferdinand Ward
the greatest regret he is said to have ex
pressed was that his poverty would pre
vent him from further assisting Nellie,
who was practically supported by his
bounty. AH the members of the Grant
family, who still contribute to the sup
port of Mrs. Sartoris ami children, have
urged Mrs. Sartoris for 3-ears to separate
from her husband and return to Ameri
ca. It is said that Mrs. Grant made
sucn a request only a lew months ago,
after learning of some fresh indignity
on Sartoris' part But the daughter re
plied that she would not entertain such
a proposition a moment and added, in
dignantly, that she would refuse to sus
tain relations of any character with her
family if these importunities did not
cease. Meantime Sartoris is racing
about England spending the meager al
lowance his father gives him among
companions of his own kind. The re
ports which reach here from New York
say that Sartoris has been absent from
his wife since last spring, and that she
hears from him only at rare intervals.
o
Bagley "I can't imagine what has
become of that $10 bill" DeBagg
"Have you lost $10?" "I don't know.
I had an awful headache yesterday and
can't remember what. I did. I was ."
"O, I remember now! I saw you pay
Ponsonby $10 that you owed him. That
is where your money went" "There! I
was sure I was out of my head." Phil
adelphia Call.
m o
Farmer (to country minister) "I kin
bring you in a couple of bushels of ap
ples, dominie, if you'd like 'em. I've
a lot of 'em goin' to rot" Minister
"Thanks, Mr. Hayseed; I would be
very glad to get them. Have you ever
tried feeding them to hogs? I hear they
are very fattening." Farmer "Yes,
I've offered 'em to the hogs, but they
won't touch 'em." Harper's Bazar.
i m
The fact that the Home-Rule bill has
been defeated in the English Parlia
ment does not give American henpeck
ed husbands any additional privileges,
-z&iladtlphia Herald,
WIT AND HUMOR.
THK WANTS OF A MODERATE MAW.
He said he had no wish to bo onulcnt. with a
bank-book rotund, nnd distended, mid
corpulent; hut he didn't wish to live like
the primitive Quakers, or butchers, or
bakers, or candle-slick makers, but in a
fine brown-stone surrounded by statues,
and set in a luwuof souio forty-seven
acres.
Applause for dear clothing' was not worth tho
wiunitur, ho desired no wnrdrobo of pur
pic or linen; but bo didn't wish to go at
tired like a sailor, or dress in a uniform
Euit like a jailer; and nil that ho wished
was some two dozen chances mado
up in good style by a fashionable tailor.
He wished no rich viands to pladden bis pep
tics, or coddle bis stomach like chronic
dyspeptics; but ho wished a cuisine
and a French cook to cater, a profession
al expert, no commonplaco waiter, no
statuesque, boarding-house, imbecile
bungler to scatter bis chaos of pio and
potuto.
He wished no small army of liveried depend
ents, no uniformed lackeys and cring
ing attendants; but bedidu twish tolivo
liko a hermit or miser, but in plentiful
leisure as better and wiser; and somo
twenty scrvauts and forty good waiters
would make lifo worth living for him
and Eliza.
Lynn Union.
An English burlesqucr Miss Mont-
morenci "No, sir; there arc no clothes
in those trunks. I earry mv costumes
in this satchel." Officer "And what
do the trunks contain, then?" Miss
Montmoreuci "My press notices."
Humbler.
Mr. Pauper Cheek Doctor, what's
my bill? Doctor Well, Mr. Cheek, I
understand you are poor, and I've made
up my mind not to charge you auv
thiug. Mr. P. C That's all right
enough! But what I want to know is
who is going to scttlo the druggist's
bill? Pittsburg Chronicle.
"Arc we all here?" inquired Mr. Bru
tal Joues of his landlady the other
morning at the breakfast-table, "I
think so, one two three four yes,
j'ou are all here I believe," and she
smiled sweetly; "why?" "Nothing
much; only 1 see by the morning
papers that a human skeleton was pick
ed up just outside of the city limits."
Tho smile vanished Merchant Travel
er. In the police court: Judge "Stand
up prisoner. What is your name and
age?" Prisoner "Is it possible that
your honor does not rccognizo me?
Your honor has seen me fully a dozen
times before." Judge (surprised) "Why
no!" Prisoner (with condescension)
"Ah. well, it does not surprise me.
Since I have changed the cut of my
beard none of my friends recognize me.
Frencfi Joke.
Mrs. B. is one of those energetic,
quick-motioned women who carry their
work by assault One day she had
started across the room on some errand,
but midway forgot what it was. "What
was I goin for?" she asked aloud.
Two-year-old, seated on the floor and
always liable to be swept up in one of
her mother's hurricane passages, asked
meekly: "Was oo goin' for me?"
Chicago Living Church.
Illustrating the unccrtainity as to
what Chicago might not attempt to ac
complish, Prof. Fisk, in his recent ad
dress at the Boston ministers' meeting,
referred to an Irish physician who,
making a speech in the country when
slightly under the influence of evil
spirits, said: "We have been lying all
along about the growth of Chicago, but
Chicago has got ahead of our lying."
Boston Congrcgationalist.
An Atlanta, Ga., reporter, who once
"pulled a hand-press" ou a country
weekly, tells this: "One day while the
papcrwas being worked oft' a man from
the country came in and walked all
around tho room, finally stopping near
the press and watching the work very
earnestly. "Anything I can do for
you?" asked the man at the lever, paus
ing between impressions. "Naw, was
the reply. "I don't want nothin', jist
came in to see ye edit"
The other evening the little daughter
of a congressman was paying a visit at
a neighbor's, and the respective moth
ers were talking of pirysical ailments
and their remedies. After a while the
little girl saw an opportunity to make a
remark. "My papa, she said, "always
drinks vhiskv when he is sick." Then
she stoppi'd for a minute, her eyes
softened and saddened, and she con
tinued slowly: "And poor papa is sick
nearly all the time. Washington Critic.
Country editor "We give you a
nickel watch and the weekly Clarion
for one year for $3, Mr. Smith." Mr.
Smith "How much for the watch with
out the Clarionf Country editor
"The retail price of the watch alone is
$4." Mr. Smith "Well, I guess I'll
take one of the watches." Country edi
tor "But it will cost you a dollar "more
than if you included the paper." Mr.
Smith "Yes, I know. But I don't
mind the extra expense." New York
Times.
It was in a bank in a Nebraska town.
A farmer slapped down $80 on the
counter aud proudly remarked: "There's
the last dollar I owe on my farm, and
1 am now entitled to a deed." "You
must feel good?" observed a Boston
man who was in the bank on business.
"1 do." "And you will now go ahead
with better spirit?" "1 will now take
the deed, and go over to the loan office
and mortgage the durn land for what I
can and skip," was the feeling reply.
Wall Street News.
A citizen of Detroit has had his faith
in human nature rudely shaken. One
day when the rain was falling fast he
saw a young man and a young woman
E addling through the wet umbrellaless.
e was near his own door. So, with
rare philanthropy, he thrust his silk
umbrella into the hand of the astonish
ed young man, saying: "Take this; yon
have a lady with you. You can bring
it back to-morrow to that house there."
The young man took the umbrella
and the good citizen of Detroit hasn't
seen it since.
Manager "My dear sir, you have no
idea of what a charming creature this
Irene McGillicuddy is. By Jove, she's
been a tremendous success everywhere.
She played 'Olivette' 7,000 nights in
London with immense success, and she
created a furor in 'The Mascot" in
which she played over 5,000 nights.
And she's just "17 years old." Critic
"But my good fellow, if she's plaved
12,000 nights she must be at least 34
years or age." Manager "Hold on a
minute! I guess I've got this thing
mixed somehow." Chicago Rambler.
"Please, sir, will you buy a ticket for
the Cedar Street Church strawberry fes
tival? They're only 25 cents," said a
little mite of a girl to a gentleman sit
ting on the piazza of a Swan street
boarding-house the other afternoon,
tendering him a square of yellow paste
board as she spoke. "I'm sorry, but I'm
going.out of town, and will not bo able
to attend," replied the good-natured
man, desirous of avoiding a point-blank
refusal "I have some 10-cent tickets
for those who 'can't attend," promptly
responded the quick-witted solicitor.
She went out of the gate a dime richer.
Buffalo Courier.
I make it a rule not to chronicle
children's sayings, but I have just re
ceived one from England that is so
good that for once I will break my
rule. The 4-year-old daughter of one of
our pecrcsi.es was passing a church in
London the other day as a wedding
party came out She announced to her
nurse that she intended some day to be
married. The nurse rebuked her for
mentioning such an improper subject as
matrimony, and told her it was quite
on the cards that she might never
marry. "O, but I must marry," re
pliedthe child. "I must have a father
for my children." Town Topics.
A worthy musician of Boston by over
work had inducedan attack oi dyspep
sia. On goiug to a physician he was
advised to take a tonic. Two months
after the doctor met him and asked:
"Well, how did tho tonic worn?" "Per
fectly, doctor; I am quite weil again."
"Let's see, what tonic did you take?"
"I took a course of touic-solfa." The
same physician was once called in to
prescribe in a very mysterious case. A
vocal studeut was in a state of high
fever and delirium. The doctor at
first prescribed quinine. "She sat up
all night, singing. 'Sweet. Sweet Bird,'
over and over." added the nurse. "O,"
responded the physician, "in that case
I should recommend change of air."
Musical Herald.
m t s
John Kelly's Km I mate of Himself.
When our townsman, Mr. George J.
Magcr, was a resident of Lowville and
treasurer of the Lewis County Agricul
tural society, in 1882, he secured a
promise from the late Hon. John Kelly
and Hon. Thomas F. Grady to speak at
the annual fair of the society. Shortly
before the date fixed for the fair he
wrote to Mr. Kelly for a few facts in his
history and Mr. Grady's for publication
in the Lowville papers. In reply he
received the following letter, marked
"confidential," and which he still has
in his possession. Mr. Kelly's death
having removed the injunction of sec
recy, Mr. Mager has consented to let us
publish the letter:
Confidential.
Grand Union Hotkl, Saratoga,
Aug. 18, 1882. My Dear Sir: Yours
of the 15th is at hand, and contents
noted. Mr. Gradv and mvself will
leave here or - New York on the 12th
prox. for Lowville, arriving the same
evening, barring accidents.
Hon. Thomas F. Grady was born in
New York, served four years in the state
assembly, and is at present in the
senate. " He is of Irish parentage. I
consider him one of the ablest young
men of his age in public life. As a
speaker he is very superior in argument
and style to most of his colleagues
in the senate. He is about 29 years of
age, height five feet seven inches,
square-shouldered, and weighs 170
pounds. He has a thorough command
of his temper. His analysis of difficult
subjects is natural.
John Kelly is 60 years of age and was
born in New York of Irish parents. He
served two years in the board of alder
men, four years in congress, six years
as sheriff of the county of New York,
and four years as city comptroller. He
is five feet nine inches and a half in
height, and weighs 236 pounds.
I have given you Grady's history and
my own, and you will probably laugh
at the description, but as you requested
me in your letter to state our pedigrees.
I might add that we are clinker-built
and coppered nnd fastened, sound in
wind, and well up on our pedestrian
joints. Grady is good for a long race,
and is well broken to double and single
harness, and trots well under the sad
dle, stands without tying, and is not
afraid of locomotives or other vehicles
of doubtful structure.
For myself, I am nothing to brag of.
and have passed the meridian; too old
for a speedy gallop, and fair for a long
race; not easily scared, and very docile
under trying and difficult circumstan
ces. When the driver is tyrannical,
usually take the bit and kick clear of
traces. Usually halt when there appears
to be a willingness to give and admin
ister fair treatment but will lead by the
halter only for short distances. Will
drive with a curb bit long enough to
breathe stcrtorously. Yours truly,
John Kelly.
To G. J. Mager, Secretary and Treas
urer. -Cortland (M T.) Standard.
An English naturalist remarks that
it is a sad reflection that while the tur
bot lays 14,000,000 eggs, not more than
one, on an average, ever lives to reach
maturity. In fish, generally, it takes
yearly at least 100,000 eggs for each in
dividual to keep up the average of its
species. In frogs and amphibians, a
few hundred are amply sufficient Rep
tiles often lay only a much smaller
number. In birds, which hatch their
own eggs and feed their young, from
two to ten eggs per annum are quite
sufficient to replenish the eartii.
Among mammals, three or four at a
birth is a rare number, and many of
the larger sorts produce one calf or foal
at a time only. In the human race at
large a total of five or six children for
each married couple during a whole
lifetime makes up sufficient for infant
mortality and all other sources of loss,
though among savages a far higher
rate is usi-ally necessary. In England
an average of four anil a half children
per family suffices to keep the popula
tion stationary.
m
Mid-Summer Marines.
The silly young graduate who writes
A. B. after his name on the hotel regis
ter. The silly old maid with a fuzzy lap
dog that she fondles and calls "her
baby."
Tiic silly nursemaid who wears Rhine
stone ear-rings and gets Herself up in
cheap imitation of her mistress.
The silly snob who tries to impress
strangers by talking familiarly of im
portant eople he doesn't know.
The silly widow who makes her eve
ning toilet at her window on the ocean
front without pulling down the blind.
The silly old married woman who
wears short skirts and sashes and skips
around the hotel porch like a girl of 16.
The silly hotel clerk, with a Cape
May diamond pin, who supposes that
all the heiresses arc enraptured with his
beauty.
The silly bather who goes out beyond
the stake to show that he's not afraid,
and has to be lugged in like a soaked
rat by the life-guard.
The silly girtat the sea-side who plas
ters her complexion an inch thick with
cosmetics and thinks nobody knows the
difference.
The silly fat woman, with proportions
like a hippopotamus and dressed like a
guy, who insists on dancing in all the
sets, and thinks she is as graceful as a
gazelle.
The silly old fellow of 40 who decks
out his pudgy proportions in Knicker
bockers and a Norfolk iacket and strata
about under the impression that he is an i
AoUo. Philadelphia Times. '
TBS FIRST
National Bank !
-OF-
COLUMBU8. NEB.
HAS AX
Authorized Capital of $250,000,
A Surplus Fund of - $15,000,
And the Iar-ct lll ia fjMnh Cap
ital of any bank in this part
of the State.
J3Jleiosit. received and interest paid
on time deposits.
SSTDraft on the priucipal cities in this
country and Hurope bought and sold.
BSTC'ollections aud all other business
giveu prompt and careful attention.
SrOCKHOLUKKS.
A. ANOEKSOX, Pres't.
SAM'L C. SMI Til, Vice Pres't.
O. T. HUKN, Cashier.
I. I. BECKBK.
HERMAN OKIILRICII,
. SUHl'TTK,
W. A. MCALLISTER,
.JONAS WELCH,
.JOHN W. EARLV,
I. ANDERSON,
G. ANDERSON.
AprSS-'NUf
BUSINESS CAEDS.
D.T. Maktyx, M. D. F. J. Schug, M.D.
Drs. If ARTYN & SCHUG,
U. S. Examining Surgeons,
Local Surgeons. Union Pacific, O., X.
& B. II. and R. & M. R. K's.
Consultations in German and English.
Telephones at oilice and residences.
ETOnn-e on Olive .street, next to IJrod
feuhrer's Jewelry Store.
COLUMBUS, - NEBRASKA.
-12-y
W.
.11. OBELlUi,
LA W AND COLLECTION OFFICE.
Upstairs Ernst building 11th street.
OUUL1VAN 4k REEDKII,
ATTOnyjsrs at law,
Olliee over First National Rank, Colum
bus, Nebraska. f0-tr
c.
. KVAiVS, M. .,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON.
JSTOlliee and rooms. Cluck building,
11th street. Telephone communication.
4y
H
a.uii,to: .iiEAui;n. .,
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON,
Platte Center, Nebraska. 9-y
TTERJIAiV Ali:NTEDT,
BLACKSMITH AND WAGON MAKER,
R5th street, east of Abt's barn.
April 7, 'bG-tt
T)OWEL.L. IIOUSI-:,
PLATTE CENTER, NEB.
Just opened. Special attention giveu
to commercial men. lias a good sample
room. Sets the best table. Give it a
trial and be convinced. fdKJiuo
TOIlft KUSDE.H,
COUNTY SURVEYOR.
STParties desiring surveying done
can address me at Columbus, Neb., or
call at my office in Court House.
fniayS-y
TyOXICK TO TKAtllEKM.
W. H. Tedrow, Co. Supt.
I will be at my office in the Court House
the third Saturday of each month for the
examination of teachers. 3J) tf
F. F. MUMMER, M. IK,
HOMCEOPATmST.
Ckroaio Diseases and Dlseaaea of
Cklldren a Specialty.
B3TOffice on Olive ?trcet, three doors
north of Firnt Nation! Bank. 2-ly
1l,rcAE.E.IS'rER IIKOS.,
A TTOIilTZrS A T LA w,
Office up-stairs in McAllister's build,
ing. 11th St. W. A. McAllister, Notary
Public.
J. M. MACFAHLAXD,
B. K. COWDKRY,
CoUsctor.
Aturei7al saiitj fiW e.
LAW AND COLLECTION OFFICE
OK
MACFAR1.AND& COWDDRT,
Columbia, : - ; Nebraska.
John a. ii inn ixs. c. J. garlow,
Collection AttorAey.
HIGGINS & GABLOW,
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW,
Specialty made of Collections by C.J.
Garlow. 3l-ni
J? II.RIJSCIIE,
llth St., opposite Lindell Hotel.
Sells Harness, Saddles, Collars, Whips.
uiauifiB.vurr) comos, lirusnes, trunks,
valises, buggy tops, cushions, carriage
trimmings, Ac, at the lowest possible
prices. Repairs promptly attended to.
TAJIKS NALnO,
CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER.
Plans and estimates supplied for either
frame or brick buildings. Good work
guaranteed. Shop on 13th Street, near
St. Paul Lumber Yard, Columbus, Ne
braska. 52mo.
C
AMPHELL St CO.
DEALERS IX
Raors and Iron ! "
The highest market price paid tor rags
and iron. Store in the Bubach building,
Olive 9t Columbus. Neb. 15-tf
JS.MURDOCK & SON,
Carpenters and Contractors.
flavehadan extended experience, aaa
will guarantee satisfaction in work.
All kinds of repairing done on short
notice. Onr motto is, Good work and
fair prices. .Call and give us an oppor
tunitytoestlmateforyou. 0"Shop on
13th St., ane door west of FrUdhof &
Co's.stora.Colusabus, Nabr. 48i-T
CROWLEY'S RECREATIONS.
HI
Promenade About the A:
neaal aad
HI Tricks on Other Moakeys.
One of the features of the menagerie
at tho arsenal in Central park, says the
"Now York Tribune, is the transfer of
Master Crowley, the chimpanzee, from
his private apartments in the arsenal to
his reception-room in the monkey house.
Only a few visitors are about the
grounds when the transfer is made,
usually about 8 a. m., and "Jake." the
keeper, who has entire charge of the
chimpanzee, always takes advantage of
a bright, warm morning to enjoy a
promenade with tho animal on the path
near tho menagerie. "Jake" is a mar
ried man, but baving no children of his
own ho has formally adopted Master
Crowley, "lie is not very good-looking,
to be sure," observed "Jake," "but
good looks is only on tho outside, and
no young one could be more affection
ate than that boy is."
Crowley enjoys the promenades with
"Jake," but he will take them with no
one else. Before leaving the arsenal
he has his breakfast of rice and milk
fruit Then his face is washed, his
teeth cleaned, and his hair brushed. If
tho air is chilly a red shawl is thrown
over his shoulders. He continues in
excellent health and is growing in
weight and height When they walk
along the paths Crowley walks upright
on bis leet, clasping one hand of
"Jako" in one of his own. He does not
stand quite erect; thero is a perceptible
stoop in his shoulder under the red
shawl and a slight hitch in his gait,
giving him the appearance of a cross
between Richard I1L and Cardinal
Richelieu, as those characters appear
on the stage. He stands over three feet
in height when erect, and when out
walking he always preserves the great
est gravity and decorum. On being
placed in the cage his deportment
changes immediately. He leaps at once
upon the springboard within the cage
and when he has tilted it to its highest
position vaults from 'it into tho trapeze
and swings to and fro, turning somer
saults, hanging by one hand or with
one foot with his head downward, let
ting go and catching himself with an
agility that would make the reputation
and fortune of any gymnast in the ring.
Other monkeys, apes, and baboons in
the monkey house are struck dumb
when Crowley begins his antics. They
can only sit on their haunches aud
watch him with amazement Crowley
is much interested in them, and when
he gets tired of violent exercise he will
lie down in the corner of his cage near
est the cage next to him and watch tho
monkeys for half an hour without mov
ing. At first he would hold out his
hand in a friendly overture, but they
declined to accept it. grasping instead
their own paws ami shaking them
knowingly. Then Crowley obtained a
short stick which ho held out for them
to take. After a time one of the baboons
ventured to reach out for it. but just as
he touched it the stick tlew up and rap
ped him over the knuckles. Crowley
went into ccstacies over this trick, and
the baboon retreated with his face
twisted and whimpering with the sting
of the blow. For a time after that Crow
ley could not induce them to touch the
stick, although he griuued and grunted
in the most affectionate manner. But
the baboon was waiting his time. Whilo
Crowley was still holding it out to him
his attention was attracted for an in
stant to another object Tho baboon
snatched the stick, rapped Crowley over
the knuckles, and shrieked out derisive
ly, setting all the monkeys in a chatter.
The chimpanzee was angry at being
caught lie shook his list liercely at
the baboon, and would have purameled
him well if he could have caught him.
Not being able to do that he vented his
spite on the nine pins, throwing them
around in a reckless fashion, and grasp
ing hnndfuls of sawdust, which he cast
at the visitors who were enjoying a
laugh at his expense. Afterward ho set
tled down in the corner of tho cage
again with a friendly grin at the
baboons stretching across his mouth,
bnt they could not be prevailed ou to
give up" the stick.
m
Where Girls Abound.
I tell you that from careful observa
tion and actual count there are just forty-four
young ladies at Chautauqua
where there is one young man. At the
approach of nearly every steamer to tho
Chautauqua dock during the week a
bevy of maidens, fair and sweet crowd
ed around with spy-glasses and opera
glasses in their hands, anxiously gazing
at the decks of the approaching steam
er, looking for the possible coming of
some more young men. It is absolutely
unsafe for a young man to stroll about
here alone and unprotected. To walk
down one of the avenues like Palestine
or Simpson avenue alone, all alone with
one's self, and to pass by cottage after
cottage whose balconies are crowded
with heavenly beings dressed in white
lawns and dainty-tinted wrappers, is
really and truly a sort of soul torture.
One must close his eyes and think of
other things, of other worlds, and well,
simply walk on about his business and
walk all-fired fast at that
A young man met a young lady.
"Good-morning," baid he, raising his
hat and passing on.
"Why, how do you do?" said she,
rushing up and grasping his hand.
"Where are you going?"
"To dinner," he replied.
"What's the matter with taking mo
along?" she said, smiling sweetly. And
he took her.
Another young man was rushing for
the boat He met an old-time lady
acquaintance.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To Mayville," said he, as he hasten
ed on.
"Guess I will go, too," said she, and
she did.
Then a yonng friend of mine, who
only arrived here from Cleveland yes
terday, showed me a note he had just
received. It read as follows:
Dear Friend: Can't you take me out
boat-riding this evening at 8? I am just
dying to go out on the water.
Sincerely yours,
Beshe.
And the poor fellow will doubtless
blister his hands to-night rowing Bessie
over the rippling bosom of Chautauqua.
Just think of it He was only intro
duced to Bessie last evening. Chautau
qua Letter to Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A countryman strolled into the Petro
leum Exchange yesterday and watched
the proceedings with great interest
"What are they doin'?" he inquired of
Frank Tack. "Buying and selling oil."
replied Mr. Tack, indulgently. "What's
oil wnth?" "Sixty-five cents a barrel."
"What?" whispered the countryman,
with suppressed excitement, "only 65
cents? You buy me all you can git,
mister; the barrels alone '11 fetch xnor'n
that" Puck.
m m
There are 7,370 women employed ia
(to Esglisa Civil Service.
2j?-