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About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (April 7, 1886)
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RUNNING A FURNACE.
There are few things in this world so
tsyas running a furnace.
That is what Jones thought when he
pat his in last fall; though, to tell the
troth, the opinion was not original
with Jones. It was suggested to Jones
in the first place by the man who sold
the furnace, but Jones received the
opinion as a sort of chromo thrown in
with the furnace, and utilized it as
though it were his own properly, as in
deed it was.
The first time that Jones attempted to
- buiW a fire in his new furnace, he sue
ceeded admirably in nuking a roaring
blase with the kindlings, in blackening
his hands and face and transmuting
himself into the semblance of a burnt-
cork serenader of the Meitnerium or
8enegambian variety, and in driving
the family incontinently from the house
by that peculiarly pungent odor which
is sent forth by heated stove-polish fresh
from the shop; but he was not so suc
cessful in accomplishing a fire.
The kindlings behaved in a most
praiseworthy manner, allowing them
selves to be consumed to the uttermost
splinter, but they failed miserably in
transferring their warmth to the coal
which Jones had very liberally shoveled
atop of them. In fact, when the flames
had finished the kindlings, they appeared
to have considered their part of the con
tract completed, and unceremoniously
went about their business elsewhere.
Then Jones proceeded to fill his hair
and cover his clothing with dust by
means of the shakor, which the dealer
had assured Jones could be operated
without raising sufficient dust to soil a
lady's pocket-handkerchief. Unfortun
ately, Jones did not have a lady's pocket
handkerchief with him at the time, or
he would, perhaps, have demonstrated
to the world that whereas this shaker
might be somewhat careless in regard to
the person and clothing of a great horrid
man, it was eminently punctilious in. its
regard for the pockeWiandkerchaef of
the fair sex.
But, however it might have been with
the supposititious handkerchief afore
said, there could be no doubt about
'the possibilities of that shaker in the
dust-raising line so far as Jones and
his environment were concerned. The
dust not only covered his exterior, but
his ears and nose and mouth were
.crowded with it His teeth were as
fall of grit as a game cock, and at
every inhalation the carboniferous de
posits in his lungs grew more dense.
Jones got the thing cleaned out at
last, but his natural beauty was not im
proved by the experience. He had
perspired plentifully, what with the
neat of his own exertions added to
.the artificial heat which the kindlings
had created in the furnace (not to
speak of the temperature his temper had
acquired by this time), and the dirty
streams which constantly flowed adown
his face on to his linen did not add to
the cleanliness of his appearance.
Then he filled her up again and
touched her oft. It was all right this
time, and in less than a half-hour every
window in the house had to be opened
to prevent its occupants from slow but
jcertain cremation. But tliat was not
'the fault of the furnace. It was all
owing to the weather being so unseason
ably warm. "Wait until we have a cold
day," said Jones.
I Well, next day it was cold enough to
suit an arctic adventurer.
"Now," said Jones, "we'll show 'em
how to keep warm!" And as he shov
eled in the coal it is remarkable how
much coal a furnace can get away with
when its appetite is all right he
ehuckled to himself as he thought how
snug and warm he should be, while
Thompson's folks, across the way,
would be shivering like a slack sail in a
gale of wind.
; By this time Jones had a roaring
fire. "That'll do,'1 he said, with a glow
of satisfaction irradiating his features;
"that'll do." Then he went up-stairs,
to find Mrs. Jones and the children hud
dled about the register, looking more
like the family of Harry Gill of chatter
ing memory, than the wife and off
spring of John Jones, owner of a new
and improved furnace.
And they continued to chatter, not
withstanding Jones did little else all day
long than to pile the anthracite into the
greedy maw of that furnace. Ho opened
the cold-air box, he shut the cold-air
jbox, he shut this damper and opened that
check draft; Heaven knows what he
'didn't do. But it was no use. The at
mosphere above the cellar floor was
arctic, and his wife and children were
not happy not so happy, perhaps, as
the Thompsons, across the way, who
circled about their red-faced stove, and
'quite forgot to shiver; nor so comfort
ablo as the sparrows on the chimney
'top, for there seemed to bo no lack of
(heat there else why should all the spar
(rows in the neighborhood porch thereon,
:as about a famuy hearth?
The weather began to moderate that
night; then the furnace, to show that it
jeould be versatile as well as the weather,
began to -send up a fervent breath
'.through the registers, and by the time
jthe mercury outside had risen to sixty
degrees or thereabouts, the temperature
in the Jones domicile was climbing up
among the eighties. Up go the windows
Jones still thinks that it is easy enough
to run a furnace, but if you want to know
how to run it so as to have a cool house
on a warm day, and a warm house when
'the weather is cold, you musk ask some
body with more experience than he pos
P. S. Jones has a new and improved
furnace which he will sell cheap for
cash. Boston Transcript.
,Y1m Preeea t Deplorable Stat of the Great.
est 3f avx la the World.
! When timber gave place to iron and
steel in the construction of war ships,
.the naval possibilities of Great Britain
-became practically illimitable. Prior to
that great change, the British admiralty,
after exliausting its home supplies of
oak, had to seek in the forests of Italy
and of remote countries those hard,
curved, twisted and stalwart troos which
alone sufficed for the massive frame
work of its linc-of-battle ships. How
recently it has escaped from this neces
sity may be inferred from the fact that
the present writer, on taking office at
the admiralty in 186S, found her Maj
esty's dock-yards largely stored with re
cent deliveries of Italian and other oak
timber of this description.
And here it may not be inappropriate
for one whose earliest professional
studies were devoted to the construction
of wooden ships, but whose personal
, labors have been most largely de
voted to the iron era. to pay a
passing tribute of respect to the
constructive genius of those great
builders ia wood who designed the
stanch and towering battle ships of the
good old times. Skillful, indeed, was
the art, sound, indeed, was the science,
which enabled them to shape, .assemble
and combine thousands of timbers and
planks into the Grace de Dieu of. Great
-Barry's day (1514), the Sovraigno of
the Sejs of Charles' roign (1637), the
Boyal William of half a century later
(lfe2-92), the Victory, immortalized by
STelson, and in our own early day such
aaperb ships as the Queen, the Howe
Mi scores of others. Only those who
hwvenutdw a study of the history of sea
saiaMtectare can realise the difficulties
whisk the designers of each structures
kti ta evercosse.
Wife issr kstraWiism at km anal
fS awaa wwesF iwoweisnv ww 1B9Bv SJBBBBaa.
ited for ship-building purpose! the na
OttsHv for ransacking the forests of the
wjrld for timber suitable for the frames
ard beam-knees of ships passed away,
and Great Britain, which early became,
and thus far remains, first and groatosl
in the production of iron ami
steel, was thus invited to such a
development of naval power as
the world has never seen. The mer
cantile marine of England at the present
time furnishes a splendid demonstration
of the readiness with which thecommer?
cial classes have appreciated this great
opportunity; but the royal navy, by al
ancholy counter-demdnstration. and
most universal asaeui, bupmuod a uu
shows that neither the capabilities ox a
'race nor the leadings of Providence suf
fice to keep a nation in its true position,
when it falls into -the hands of feeble and
visionary administrators. Any one who
will contrast the British navy of to-dav
with the British navy as it might and
would have been under the administra-'
tion, say, of such a First Lord of the Ad
miralty as the present Duko of Somerset
proved himself in every department oi
the naval service five-and-twenty years
ago, will understand the recent outcry in
England for a safer and more powerful
fleet Sir Edward Reed, in Harper'
CU BRAN'S WIT.
A Fow Samples or tho Saliva of the Wit
tiest of Irishmen.
To the bench Curran could be at
times unceremonious. In his early
days Judge Robinson made an attempt
to extinguish the rising advocate. Rob
inson, it was currently reported, owed
his elevation to the publication of
political pamphlets, remarkable only
for their slavish meanness and scur
rility. In arguing his case Curran
said he had consulted all his law
books and could not find the principl e
contended for. "I suspect, sir," said
Robinson, "that your law library
is rather 'scanty." "It is very true,
my Lord," said Curran, "that my
books are not numerous; but I have
prepared myself for this high profes
sion rather by tho study of a
few good books than by tho com
position of a great many bad
ones." Curran was occasionally
nonplussed by a witness. Inquiring his
master's ago from a horse trainer's
servant ho could get no satisfactory an
swer. "Come, come, friend," urged
Curran, "has he lost his teeth?" "Do
fou think," retorted tho servant, "that
know his age as ho does his horses
by tho mark of the mouth?" Once
foiled by a Limerick banker with an
iron leg, Curran in his address to the
jury said that his leg was the softest
B art about him. In a debate in tho
ouse of Commons he stated that ho
needed no aid from any one, that ho
was proud to be "the guardian of his
own nonor." "Indeed," exclaimed Sir
Boyle Roche, "I congratulate Mr. Cur
ran on his holding a sinecure. " Lord
Clare was a determined enemy of Cur
ran while he was at the bar. The Lord
Chancellor ruined his practice at tho
Chancery court, and his clients were
always sufferers. Indeed Curran
stated that the losses in his pro
fessional income from the ani
mosity of Lord Clare amounted to no
less than 30,000. Tho incidents in
court in consequence of this disagree
ment were sometimes ludicrous. On
one occasion when it was known that
tho advocate was about to make an
elaborate argument in chancery. Lord
Clare brought a Newfoundland dosv
upon the bench with him, and paJn
much more attention to the do than to
The barrister, and the fact was com
mented on by the profession. At a ma
terial point in the argument the Chan
cellor lost all decency, and turned quit,
aside to fondle the dog. Curran stopped
at once. "Go on, go on," said Lord
Clare. "Oh, 1 beg a thousand pardons,
my Lord!" was tho ready reply. "I
really look it for granted your Lordship
was engaged in consul Uilion." Temple
ROOFS OF PAPER.
Preaoaaced Superior to Either Slate or
A roof pronounced superior to that
of slate because of its lightness and
other advantages is now made of anj
fibrous pulp. From this nuiteri.il tiles
of any shape desired are formed by
pressure under machinery or by any
other method which may suggest, itself.
Pressed into the design wished for the
pulp tiles aro parlinfly dried, previous
to being subjected to a water-proof
solution. Thoroughly impregnated with
the preparation to resist moisture they
are baked to harden in them the water
proof mixluve. After the bakiug the
tiles arc treated to a mixture imparting
an enameled surface; to this is added a
coating of sand, whereby the pulp is
rendered proof against the action of
lftat or flame. By the use of different
colored sands a variety of tints may
be imparted to the tiles, which, after
the application of the enameling mix
ture aud sands, are baked a second time,
after which they are ready for use. Be
side the inherent lightness of pulp tiles,
which obviates the necessity of a heavy
frame to support a weighty roof, the
pulp tile, being tough and not brittle
like slate, is far less liable to be broken
from blows, stones thrown upon them
or human footsteps. Again, slate tiles
can not be laid compactly together On a
roof on account of their brittleness,
which prevents their being drawn tight
ly together by nails. Through the
fibrous pulp nails may be driven as close
home as in shingles, thereby bind
ing them closely to the bed and together
without any possibility of lateral move
ment or being blown away in a high
wind, as slates loosely fastened on roofs
sotfrequcntly arc. Nails penetrate the
pulp tiles more easily than shingles,
and lie closer together, being more clas
tic than wood. Boston Journal of Com
merce. GREAT INDUCEMENTS.
How Mom Sehaaaabara; 8arprised
Clerk on New Year's Day.
On tho last day of the late year 1885,
Tom Snickerson, a young man in Mose
Schaumburg'sBoss Clothing Emporium,
intimated that he was going to quit
"Do you really vants to kervit my
employments?" asked Mose.
"Yes, Mr. Schaumburg, you are pay
ing mo only seven dollars a week and
you treat me as if I was a yellow dog. I
can no longer put up with such low
wages and harsh treatment You don't
seem to think that I have any feelings,
but I have."
"You must not kervit my employ
ments. I would not lose you for mil
lions. I vants you to consider yourself
as identified mit dot Mose Schaumburg
Boss Clothing Emporium. No, Mishter
Snickerson, it vould preak my heart to
lose you, indeed it vould. I vill see dot
you have no more causes of comblaint
about harsh treatments."
"Yes, but how about raising my sal
ary a dollar a week, making eight dol
lars in all?" asked Snickerson.
"I vould "not raise "dot salary, but I
tells you vat I does. You say dot I treat
you like a yellow dog. Veil, from now
on I treats you no more like a yellow
dog, but chust de same as ven you vas a
scbentlcmen. How you likes dose in
ducements, eh? You did not expect I
would make dose concesshuns, don!t
it? I likes to make pleasant surprises
for my clerks dot New Years on. Dot
ish dot kind of a man Mose Schaumburg
vos.-1' Texas Siflinas.
Poets and philosophers are the real
thinkers of the world. The iithoma
tioian asftong scholars is a sacro litre
A CHINESE YARN.
How Ah Yah Xade the Paddla Exactly
Like the Steward.
Many amusing stories have been told
of the tendencies to and power, oft
imitation possessed by the Chinese.
There is the tale of the naval officer
giving a pair of trousers to a Chinese
tailor in Hong Kong with instructions
to make an exact duplicate out of cloth he
selected.' When the new garment was
produced it had a patch on the leg "aHe
samo oiler pair." And then there is the
! time-honored narrative of the Mongol-
! J fSSJSSSSt &
a likeness given him, including the rent
in the canvass of the original picture.
' But here is one that never has been
published, and whose incidents came
under the writer's eyes.
When the good ship N. B. Palmer
touched Shanghai in her voyage of 1870
Captain Charles P. Low discharged his
second steward and superseded him
with a Chinese boy name Ah Yah. The
steward, George Stewart by name, was
in his seventy-second year and, by tho
way, was making his fifty-third voyage
between New York and China and had
to, on account of his old age, put many
tasks on his assistant that the first stew
ard generally performs. OldJGoorge
had been in Low's employ for many
J'cars, and was retained in tho sen-ice
argoly on that account One day when
the Palmer was plowing through the
Indian ocean on her passago home,
George undertook to teach Ah Yah how
to make a pudding for tho cabin table.
Ho stationed the Chinese boy alongside
of him in front of the table in tho pan
try. Before them was a tin baking
dish, into which George would place
the ingredients of tho desserts, explain
ing as best ho could to his protege, who
as vet could comprehend onlv littlo of
even pigeon English, what he did and
why ho did it Tho condensed milk was
diluted, tho raisins carefully picked, the
sugar dexterously sprinklod and so on.
When tho eggs wore cracked on tho
side of tho pan, George tried to make
Ah Yah understand that as thoy had
been laid a long time, and were not in
over' instanco preserved in perfection
by the salt they were packed in, he
must bo careful to test each one before
it went into the pan. He would crack
the egg, place it to his nose, and if good,
would empty the contents of tho shell
into the mess, and if bad, throw it away
into a slop bucket Ah Yah stood mo
tionless, but observant, until tho pud
ding was prepared for baking. Then
he smiled indolently, and declared: "Me
can do alloc samee."
George determined to try him, and
next day gave him the articles necessary
to a full-grown pudding. Ah Yah took
up a position almost in George's foot
prints of the day beforo, and George
leaned against the counter at the end of
the pantry, and watched him. Tho boy
handled tho milk, raisins, sugar, flour,
bread and the rest with a cleverness
that interested the old steward. The
eggs tho learner broko on the edge oi
the nan, just as Georgo had done,
smellcd of every one, Jhrew several
away and put the others where they be
longed. When tho boy was through,
tho steward was satisfied that a good
job had been performed, and that his
scholar was apt as the quickest of his
Ah Yah boro his triumph forward to
the galley to have it baked.. Ho hand
ed the dish to tho cook, a hot-blooded
West Indian, who was about to place it
in the oven, when, all of a sudden, as ho
leaned over the oven door, he uttered
some remarkably profane languago,and
inquired in tho same tone what old
George meant by sending him a stink
ing thing like that to cook in his galley.
Ho would ouduro all the fire of the
wicked horcafter before ho would put it
into his stove, and said more things to
the same effect Ah Yah did not know
much English, but there was no mis
taking, in tho very atmosphere of tho
place about this time, that something
was very wrong about that pudding.
Henry, tho cook, after relieving his
mind temporarily by his outburst of in
dignation, stalked aft and into tho pan
try, demanding to. know why ho should
be insulted by having sent to him a pud
ding made of rotten eggs. Georgo was
astonished. He placed his nostrils over
the dish, and found, suro enough, that
at least two or thrco bad egga had gone
into the pudding. The old man was atl
loss what to sav, but ho almost apolo
gized, to tho "doctor" inoxplaininghow
narrowly ho had observed tho Chinese
boy in his operations, and how ho was
sure that Ah Yah had tested every egg
beforo using jt There was only an im
promptu dessert for tho cabin that day.
The steward thought about tho disas
ter for several days. Then he decided
to give Ah Yah another trial. The
same routine was gone through, with
tho samo caution and the same rosult.
Again the pudding was sour. Old
Georgo was fairly dumfounded, and
finally got mad. He would teach that
Chinaman to mako a pudding or die.
Ho tried again and again. One day ho
caught on to the fact that Ah Yah in
variably used up seventeen egga, throw
ing away five. Other attempts revealed
the fact that Ah Yah each tirao threw
away the fourth, eighth, eleventh and
sixteenth egg. At last tho mystery was
explained. Old George nearly cracked
his cheeks with laughter, and rushed
into the Captain's room with tho story.
Ah Yah was summoned before the Cap
tain, and solemnly interrogated as to
why he should not be punished for
wasting so many of the ship's eggs.
The now terrified boy, holding up his
fingers, exclaimed: "Mvmakeo plud-
k' nlShA ........tSt M 2- HJ. ....... nl.. n
iw uicu vxvru. nu eiiioaiieu
slcventee egg. Tiline flour, sleben,
eight leben and sixtee no good throw
away. My makee alee samee Gog."
An Yah was not punished. Hartford
A iAdjrWho Succeeded la Holding- the
Fort and a Goose.
"R-r-r-r!" went the telephone in th
Gratiot avenuo station the other day,
and when tho captain called "Hello!" a
"Aro you the police?"
"Yes; who are you?"
'A boy. There's a big rowup here."
"On St. Aubin. I'll tell if it's neces
sarv to send the wagon."
Things were quiet for a moment and
then the tcloahono rang again.
Well, how is it?" asked the captain.
"Purty serious, but I'll telephone you
There was an interval of three min
utes beforo tho captain was rung up
"You needn't send the wagon. There
were three of 'cm. They nad lost a
gooso. They said we had it Mam
called 'em liars. They sailed in. Thoy
t mam in between the wood-shed and
o trooso-pen and made the hair llv.
but mam found a club and rallied, and
Eon ortcr see them women climb! Mam
olds the fort and tho goose. Good
bye!" Detroit Free Press.
Scene in a street car Seats all occu
pied. Enter young lady. Young gen
tleman rises and oners his place. Young
ladv slams down into it '
Young gentleman (inquiringly) "I"
beg pardon?" ,
Young lady glances at him silently.
Young gentleman unbuttons his over
coat ana produces an audiphone. Grasp
ing it firmly in his teeth he 'bends for
ward in bland but resolute expectancy. J
roung isuy gives up inc struggle,
yells "Thank s-s-s!" and leaves the
ear at the msst eromnifrNews-Littir.
INDIAN MOUNDS. . '
Ceaceralaf- Those Stand ta
One authority speaks of an Indian
mound as a common grave, such as one
.tieets with in any cemetery. The
Average farmer, driving his city guests
'over country roads, points with his
whip into an adjacent field at a circular
hillock, with the base like a charcoal
pit and rising more gradually to a
point near the top, saying: "That's an
Indian mound." As the guest shows
his interest in tho subject and strains
his eyes to catch sight of the object
the accommodating farmer keeps
pointing out the mounds every little
way. In truth, half the mounds pointed
out are not genuine, or if they are no
ono knows about it, as they have never
been opened. It is scarcely plausible
to assert that tho Indians passed all
their timo building mounds. If thoy
did they might havo been in better
A Wisconsin reporter who has ridden
fast and far in company with inventive
drivers had an interview with an emi
nent Searcher after mounds on the sub
ject Ho said that ho was convinced,
as far as any ono could bo convinced
when tangible proofs woro wanting, of
tho Asiatic origin of the people Who
mined copper on the south shore of
Lake Superior, and earlier .still on Islo
Royale, and who built what is known
as Aztalan. "There aro a great variety
of mounds in the State," ho said, "but
all divisions that have been mado yet
aro not to be depended on. Tho earliest
that were built were tho sacrilicial
mounds and tho mounds of adoration.
Tho latter were built so that tho rising
and sotting sun could be seon from
them. They were invariably built
round. Tho sacrificial mounds wero
square, as their remains indicate. The
size of tho mounds dopended on tho
case with which the soil conld be
moved. Thero are also round mounds
in which a great many skeletons are
found when they are opened. Tho
sacrificial mounds are not very plenty
in this part of tho State, nor, in fact, in
any part. Tho remains of ono aro
situated on tho cast bank of the Chip
pewa river, near Beef slough, and
another on tho point of land at tho
confluence of tho Red Cedar and
Chctek rivers, in Northern Wisconsin.
A path of effigy mounds has been traced
from Chctek Take to Cedar lake, in Bar
ron County. In a swamp west of Lake
Chctek, flooded by water now, is tho
old road tho early caravans used to
travel. Thcso traces are all that re
main of tho raco that once worked tho
early copper mines on Lake Superior.
In Wisconsin by far the larger propor
tion are effigy mounds, while in Ohio
tho animal mounds do not probably
number a half dozen, and tho largest
of them is entirely separated from tho
inclosures. Two bird mounds occur
in Putnam County, Ga. With these
exceptions tho effigy mounds belong
to ono local it' and to a people who had
not tho characteristics of contempor
ary nations. It is also probable that
the people who built thcso mounds were
not the samo who constructed the
burial mounds. It is the remains of
tho effigy mounds that wo want the
btatc to appropriate monoy to pur
chase." "How much land would it take?"
"About thrco hundred acres in dif
ferent parte of the State. It is the
square mounds that arc most signifi
cant, as their relative position shows
the way the peoplo traveled."
Alluding to tho magnitude of the
work done by this strange people, ho
said that the excavation on Islo Royale,
Lake Superior, showed that thousands
of men had worked there at a time.
"Whole cartloads of hammers were
found there. In Ontonagon County
and at Kewaunee Point, on the south
shore of tho lake, tho excavation ex
tends for fifty miles. Tho Indians of
tho present day are a different race,
for the work of the copper mines was
abandoned soveral hundred years ago.
In fact, it is my theory that" the con
quest of Mexico by Cortez and the
shutting down of work in tho copper
mines was at tho same time."
It is probable that some measure
will bo considered to appropriate a
sum of money to buy the land on which
the mounds aro situated. Milwaukee
HUMOROUS' EPITAPHS. v
Some of the Briefest Tombstone Inscrip
tion Ever Written.
A good epitaph never comes amis.
Probably one of the briefest overwrit
ten was on a man by the name of
Thorpe. It was simply:
But one written on Dr. Cains, the
founder of a college, was quite as brief:
(I was Cains.)
And another on a certain Mr. Ma-
Camden, in his "Remains" a col
lection of fragments illustrative of the
habits, manners anil customs of the
ancient Britons and Saxons gives ex
amples of great men who had little epi
taphs. Tor himsolf it has been sug
gested that tho namo of the work itself
would bo the most fitting:
An importunate tailor is said to have
had this couplet written above him:
"Here lies W. W.,
Who will nevor mora trouble you, trouble
On tho tombstone of Dr. Walker,
who wrote a work on "English Parti
cles," is inscribed:
"Hero l.os Walkor's Particles."
Douglas Jerrold proposed tho follow
ing for Charles Knight, the Shakes
On the eminent barrister. Sir John
"Hero lies an honest lawyer that Is
Christian at Work.
Tupelo Gum and Willow Oak.
Considerable attention has been
lately directed in tho commercial and
industrial value, at least prospectively,
of tho tupclo gum and willow oak
timbers of Mississippi. After various
and thorough tests the first named has
been pronounced almost as soft and
light as cork, and the whitest timber in
the valley. It is extremely light, can
not be split, whilo at the same time it
is very tough, tenacious, and will bear
a heavy strain, its various qualities
rendering it specially valuable for
buckets, pitcters, trays, ox-yokes, and
almost all kinds of water Vessels, as
well as for many other purposes. Tho
water or willow oak is said to bo second
only to the live oak, is almost as hard
when seasoned as is tho latter, and for
the rim and spokes of wheels is alleged
to have no suporior, while for ship
building it will almost equal the livo
oak in its firmness and durability.
Tests have been made of the crushing
capacity of this wood, and also of its
transverse strength, with remarkably
favorable results, the published data
showing that it is one-third stronger
than any white, red, or black oak, and
only one-eighteenth less than live oak.
2fc K Sun.
About one per cent of all deaths
are classed as sudden. Of these four
out of five are referable to causes act
ing directly on the brain -and its ap
pendages; one in seven to the heart;
and one in seventy-five to the longs.
SUCCESS IN LIFE.
BlemeaU Kecesesrr t MSB
Achievement of Dlstlaetloa.
In a recent address before tho Georgia
State Medical Association, Dr. Searcy
Etatcd that the physiological conditions
of success in life depend mainly upon a j
vigorous, healthy action of the brain
and nervous system. It follows, there
fore, that the otruetural integrity and
functional capacity of tho brain aro
matters of tho deepest importance, and
their preservation and improvement aro
of vital moment. Tho author boliuves
that much would bj accomplished,
could wo discover the ways in which
the brain capacity is increased and
lowered. Tho problem is a most'
delicate one, for up to a certain point
the receptivity' of tho brain is directly
Eroportlonal to tho strain already
rouItt to bear upon its capacities.
An even balance between tho brain
functions is an essential elumeat The
superior man must ha-o tho ability, not
only to comprehend, but. in an equal
dogroo, to discriminate; he mint bo able
to s.-lectfor a purpose. Besides tho
ability to learn, a man, to ba success
ful, noeds tho power to verify his learn
ing, to dt'duce his own conclusions, aud
to oxueutu his purposes with persist
ence. A simply erudite man is not ncce3
s.trily .successful. On tins contrary, ho
is often :hc rjverso, a perfect failure,
for hivjk of the saving virtue of com
mon sonse. Tim e.ipaeity to receive is
of tmtnll valu'j unloss it bo coupled
with an ability to :i'litni, arrange and
imp.irt. It fri i!i.ntly happens that a
man who is simply a schohir aud noth
ing elso is at an absoi'ii disadvantage
in tho preseur oi an unlettered man
who is blessed vith .i i inherent excel
lence of capacity in tho thrco depart
ments of brain action. One need not
bo educated to po.sse.ss this trait
though it is tin: adslition of education
to such natural gifts that brings dis
tinction. It is not an exaggeration to
say that many a m-.iu of eminence has
had occasion to envy hid humbler asso
ciates tho possession of those so-called
commoner merits which would havo
given his own attainments a greater
availability. Naturo apparently re
quires a certain amount of the concreto
to maintain a mental equipoise. Tho
man who can learn, reason and exe
cute with equal facility possesses tho
elements of success, oven though his
qualities jbo of but an inferior order;
whilo one who has any of thcso facul
ties abnormally developed at tho ex
pr 1130 of the otliors will always bo crip
pled by tho nbsen.-n of tho essential
features of a successful life. Scientific
THE RIGHT TIME.
The Importune of nn Apparently lasts'.
Timcliivess is as important as fitness.
Tho riht thing may become wrong
unless it is in tho right time. Look
well to the time of doing anything;
thero is a timo for all things. If your
wifo looks wearied r.nd worn out bo
Kitr it l not the right time to tell her
that lh dinner is not hot, or that tho
broad is sour. Comfort her cheer her
up. Use the ten thousand littlo strati-
gems you were wont to handle so skill
fully in tho old days to bring out tho
smiles around her lips.
If you are annoyed or vexed at
people, just remember it is not the
right time to speak. Close your mouth
shut your teeth together" firmly and
It will savo you many a useless and un
availing regret and many a bitter
If vou happen to feel a little cross
and who among us does not, at some
time or other? do not select that
season for reproving your noisy house
hold flock. Oao word spoken in
passion will mako a scar that a summer
of smiles can hardly heal over.
If you are a wife, never teaso your
husband when ho conies homo weary,
from his d.iv's work. It is not tho
right time. Do not ask him for expen
sive outlays when he has been .talking
about hard times it is most assuredly
the wronjj tim.
If ho has entered upon an under
taking against your advice, do not seize
on tiie moment of its failure to say:
"I told you so!
the riirlit time
in fact it is nevor the
for those four mono-
" O. if tho people only knew enough
to discriminate between tho right time
and tho wr.mg, there would bo less
domestic uniuippines., less silent sor
row and lew estrangement of heart.
The greatest calamities that over
shadow our lives have sometimes thoir
germs in mutters as apparently slight
its this. If you would only pause,
reader, before the stinging taunt, or
tho biting sneer, or the unkind scoff
passes your lips patro just long
enough to ask yourself: "Is it the
rijrht time for mo to speak?.' vou
would shut tho door against many a
h.-art-aehe. Th world hinges on lit
tl thinirs. and tiinro are man' more
trivial than the riht time aud the
w rong. D iplisl Weekly.
A GOOD STORY.
An Apecilate llluUntln;; tit.' Coarage
thrt t.-tta IVeiMcnt ttitrtloIJ.
A retired army otlicer of high rank
told me a new story about Gariiold'a
canal days. The subject whieh brought
out the story was tho question as to
whether President Garfield pos.ses.scd
much moral courago. The officer said:
"Whether James A. Garfield had moral
Murage in a high degree or not I do
not know. I am suro he possessed a
remarkable am untofphysical courage,
and I hoard of an instunce of this while
he was yet in Congress. It was ou tho
Pittsburgh, Fort Wayno & Chicago
road. I was coming from Chicago to
Washington. As wc nearcd Fort Wayne
a gentleman cam.) into tho sleeper, and,
asking my permission, sat down beside
mo. In tho courso of conversation ho
informed nw that ho was division
superintendent of tha line, and upon
learning that I was going to Washing
ton he asked: 'And now is Jimmy Gar
tiold getting along dm?:i than;?' I told
him I was acquainted with Itepresenta
tivo Garfield, and he then went on to say
that he had been the Captain of a canal
boat in connection with which Garfield
asaboj was driver. He said that Garfield
was vol y brave at that time that he
would relit any fellow that dared knock
a chip oT his shoulder. One Saturday
night, sud he, 'when we tied tno boat
up to sk p for Sunday. Jimmy came to
me and asked if he might not leave tho
boat untl' starting time the next day, as
ho wauted to go to a little town about
twclvo miles off. I gave him permis
sion ami away he went. The next day
shortly after noon ho camo back with a
pair ot'thj blackest eyes I have ever seen
on boy or oan. I asked him what was
the matter, and he told me thero was a
boy in tho village where ho had been
who blasted to a friend of his somo
months previous that ho could whip
Jim Gartield out of his boots, and that
ho had decided that as soon as he got the
chance to go to tho town he would givo
him the opportunity of doing so. He
had walked all that twelve miles and
back again merely to tight tho boy, and
I think" he whipped him. After I re
turned to Washington I told Gartield
this story. He laughed, but would not
affirm that it was true nor deny it"
Carp, in Cleveland Leader.
The Mexican Government sapporta
ten thousand public schools wrta a
ties equal to mtrnj of ow oolltfee,
The copy of the first book on arith
metic, of which only another copy is
known, fetched the moderate sum of
forty pounds at a sale in London the
It is estimated that fifty thousand
conversations take place over the wires
in New York every twenty-four hours.
For each messago'thore must bo at least
fire "Helios," which would mako two
hundred and fifty thousand "Helios"
going over tho wires daily. JT. T. Trib
une. Relic-hunters are a kind of luna
tics, sometimes harmless, but often
otherwise, and generally foolish, their
particular vanity being alliod to that of
peoplo who inscribe their insignificant
names upon public edifices and monu
ments. Ncwburypori Herald.
A tailor in Boston has completed
an exceedingly expensive overcoat for
a gentleman of that city. Tho value
of tho coat is said to be four thousand
dollars, though it is claimed that the
garment could not be duplicated for a
much larger sum. It coutains sixty
nine Russian sable skins of the Quest
quality. Boston Globe.
A lady at Santa Rosa. Cal., applied
to the city authorities lately for per
mission to shoot rats with a rifle around
her premises, which are insido tho city
limits. On being asked if she could
take tho life of a rat at fifty paces, she
answered that sho could not, but her
sister could blow a humming-bird's
head off at thirty paces. San Francix
Pastel paintinsr is takinsr its place
amongst tho art work cultivated by
ladies, l no working of it is pleasant;
thero is no dLsagreeablo smell as in oil
painting, no tedious waiting for tho
paint to dry; one can begin or leave off
as suits the fancy. Any effect can be
produced, front tho most delicate trans
parency of ivory to tho intense dopth
and richness of oil painting. Chicago
Advertising in Japan sometimes
attains a height of originality ami force
unsurpassed " in tho most progressive
country. A bookseller of Tokio adver
tises: "Books elegant as a singing
girl. Print clear as crystal. Paper
tough as elephant's hide. " Parcels done
up with as much care as that hfstowed
on her husband by a loving wife." and
other advantages which, it'is strange to
say, tho advertiser finds too many for
languago to express.'
Says "Halston" in the New York
Times: "A distinguished Now York
physician, having listened to tho record
of a millionaire's bill of faro remarked
Sointedly: 'Tho average rich man of
ow York is not a 'gourmand. The
food eaten on Fifth Avenuo costs less
every day than that eaten on any other
avenue of the city. A vast doal more
monoy may bo spent for service, but
food itself is eaten in less quantities and
in less variety by tho rich than by the
poor in New York.' "
Prof. H. L. Fairchild, in a scientific
locture in New York, stated that while
wc always think of tho dry land as tho
truo place of stability, as a matter of
fact it is the ocean which forevor main
tains its place and the land which is
continually oscillating. Ho informed
his auditors that Manhattan Island is
irradually sinking, and that if thoy
lived long enough they could find tho
sea covering tho place With great
consideration lie relieved their minds
by saying that there was time enough
to finish tiie lecture before the island
Tho president of the New York
Press Club has been prcsonted with a
gavel made from a large chip of tho
keel of the old ship Now Orleans, which
has lain in Sackett's Harbor sinco the
war of 1812, when it was built to meet
the St. Lawroncc, which tho British
sailed into Lako Erie. Sho was nover
used, however, as peace was declared
beforo sho was couiploted. The gavel
is turned and carved, anil a silver dol-
diin extends along the handle. The
lammer is mado of a bolt of Swedish
iron taken from tho wood above a port
hole of tho vessel.
A remarkable escape from an alli
gator is narrated by the Sylvania (Ga.)
Telephone. A Mr. Oliver and a negro
servant were out searching for hogs,
and at the edge of a nond discovered a
peculiar looking pile of leaves, which
they poked into with a polo, when out
leaped an alligator and gave chase.
Mr. Oliver took to his heels across the
pond on the ice, but slipped and fell,
aud the dreaded reptile overtook him.
Ho thought his time had certainly come,
but in his desperation seized his formid
able foe by tho upper ami lower jaws
and held its mouth open until the negro
came up and put a stick in it, thus
propping its jaws apart and rendering
it helpless. Ihoy then killed tho sau
rian, which measured something over
six feet in length.
BISMARCK AT HOME.
How the Man of Blood mad Iron Appeared
to a Stranger.
The Chancellor's wife, a tall, aristo-cratic-looking
woman, with decided but
pleasing features, and in an elegant
though simple toilet, received each
guest as he arrived with gracious affa
bility. Standing close beside the open
portieres, past which tho eyo glanced
into the family living rooms, she was a
true type of the position she holds both
in home and public life. A noble wife
and mother, she has faithfully stood by
her husband's side from tho very com
mencement of his political career.
A Chicago paper declares that Bis
marck's wife is her husband's private
secretary! How far this statement ia
true we do not pretend to say, but an
old friend of the family has repeatedly
told us that during the saddest time
that Germany has witnessed for tho
last fifty years, when Bismarck, dis
heartened and dispirited, retired to his
small property of Schonhausen, thero
to vegetato'as a small Prussian land
owner, while brooding moodily over
all his grand political schemes, his wife
never for a moment lost heart, but was
able to inspire her husband with ever
fresh courage and hope. A number of
old friends and acquaintances quickly
surrounded the noble hostess, whilo the
remainder of the guests streamed on
toward the billiard room to tho right.
the windows of which look out on the
street. In front of one of the sofas lies
a handsome bear skin the animal was
slain by Bismarck's own hand; and on
a bracket stands the magnncenj vase,
with the King's portrait and a view of
his castle, which King William pre
sented to the Prince after the wars of
1866. The crowd and theheat increased
every moment. The Prince, wc were
told, was in the big saloon. Hurrying
thither, we saw our noble host, standing
just inside the door, in animated con
verso with some earlier arrivals, yet,
notwithstanding, quite ready to greet
every new-comer sometimes evon
stretching out both hands to right and
left with hearty welcome. How well
and bright he looked! That was
always the first thing that struck ono
on seeing this man. His face, from his
long country sojourn at Varzin, has re
gained its healthy coloring, the eyes
are no longer so deeply shadowed
by the overhanging brows or tho far
rowed forehead of last year, his hair is
of that light Saxon hue which defies
both time and impertinent curiosity,
and the figure is as firm and upright
as the youngest man there present.
On this evening he also wore his fa
vorite and most comfortable dress thai
Is, vntform, bat not in strict accordance
with ndft4kM.C!tfMferr JtmnuU.
boou ever hftowed Ui'oii nan Is perfect
health, and the true way to injure health
I to purify your b!ood with Atei'a Sawa
pariHa. Mrs. Eliata A. douh. ai Arling
ton st., -Lowell. Mas., writ: "Ercry
winter and spring rov family, including
myself, um sorersl boUlcs of Att' Sar
aparilla. Experience has convinced mo
that, a a powerful
purilier. It U very much superior to any
other preparation of Sarsaparilfcu Alt
person of xcrofulous or consumptive ten
dencies, and especially delicate children,
are sure to be greatly benefited by lu
ue.n J. W. Starr, Lacoals, Iowa, write :
'For yoars I. was troebled with Scrofu
lous complaints. I tried several dhTcrcnt
preparations, which did mo little, If any.
good. Two bottles of AVer's Sarapn
rllla effected a complete cure. It Is my
opinion tluu tbU Medicino li llio bet-'t
of the day." C. E. Upton, Nashua. X. II.,
writes: "For a number of yuars I
was troubled with a humor In my ejc,
and unable to obtaui relief until I com
menced uslmr Aycr's SanapariHa. I have
taken acrcral bottles, am j-Kithr bone
dtcd, aud bclierc It to bo ths best of blood
IHiriflcn. K. Harris, Creel City, Itnnuey
Co., Dakota, writes: "I Imto been an
laicise sufferer, with Dyspepsia, for the
past thi-M ycare. Six mouths ajo I bugan
It has effected an entire cure, nnd I am
notr as well as cvor."
Sold by all Druggbts.
Price $1 ; Six bottles, $5.
Prepared by Dr. J.C. Aycr A Co.. Lowell.
Ha., U. S. A.
OMAHA & CHICAGO
Chicago, Mmto and
St. Pan! Railway.
THE BEST ROUTE
TO TXXJ EAST.
Two Trains Dailj Brtwrfa Omaha
Chicago, and Milwaukee,
St. Paul, Minneapolis, Cedar Rapids,
Clinton, Dubuque, Davenport,
Rook Island.Freeport, Rockford,
Elgin, Madison, Janesville,
Beloit, Winona, La Crosse.
And all other Important 1'olnts Kail,
Northeast mid Southeast.
For through tickets call on tho Ticket
Ageni at coiumnus, reur.tK:i.
Pullman $i.ucikks and tho PiKr
Dining Cars in the World aro run on
tho main linot of the dsienaje, .11 Il
waakee Sc Ml. taal ly, and every
attention ii ptid to pissouger by cour
teous employ e of the Company..
A. V. II. Cnrpeater,
Gen'I Pass. Aic't.
J. F. Tascker,
dee. II. Heafbrd,
Ass't las. Ag't.
J. ''. Clurlc, (icu'I Snp't.
All kiids of Repairing done
Short Kotiee. Baggies, Wag
obs, etc., siade to order,
aid all work (inar-
Abo sell the world-famous Walter A.
Wood Mowers, Bimpers, Combin
ed Machines, Hairesters,
and Self-hinders the
CrShop opposite the " Tattersall," on
OH re St.. COI.UM BUS. 26-ra
Denver to Chicago,
Denver to Kansas City.
Denver to Omaha,
Omaha to Chicago,
Kansas City to Chicago,
Omaha to St. Louis,
BAOCACI CHICKED THROUGH.
Through tfokets over the Burling
ton Routs are for sol by tho Union
Paolffo. Donvor A Rio Grand and
all othar principal railways, and
by all asants of tho "Burlington
For further Information, apply ta
any aajant, or ta
P. S. lUBTI,C,lT'tAg
A book of 1M
The best book for aa
advertiser to eoa
alt, be he expert,
enced or otherwise.'
of the eostof adverUainsr.Tbe advertlserwho
waste to spend one dollar, lads in itthela
fcraatton be reqalrea. while forhini who will
Invest one hundred tbonasad dollars la ad-
MtlriM m. wkai la indicated Which Will
test his every reqalreaieat, or cea seat
to d eaaKfti ekmmgmmtOf arrjssSat sw
raweaesae. lav eontoas aave oeea
anat.iioat.Bald. to aar address for W
WrJto to Q0. P. BOWBU.
Blacksnutit sma Wagon HaKer
SAUL. C. SMITH, Ag't.
EsTI have a Nro .number of improved
Farms fr onle cheap. AU uniinprovod
Tannin and grazing land, from $t to Su
SSTSpecitl attention paid t. nuikinc
flnal proof on Ilomealead and Timber
t3T II having lands, to sell wilt find it
to iJiclr advanta! to lf:iv. them in my
ham! for 3lo. .Moncv to loan on forms.
K. !1. Marty. Clvrk. ..junk Herman.
;w-lr Coliiml.n-, Nebraska.
FARMERS & STOCKMEN
lino on tho
Tho Country Is Wonderfully
(heap Lands for sale i'h the vicinity
of the liTdy town of Sterliyg.
Grand Openings for all kinds of Busi
nets. Present population of
tiySeinl for cire nl.trx to
PACKARD & KINO,
'.- Sterthnr, Weld lo., folorado.
ESTABLISHED IN I860.
rjlly, ev.:.t Stindiy. Price. (j.(h) per
year in advance. pot.ie free.
WEEKLY MIME MUM.
Devoted to general new and original
matter obtained'tront the lep irtuiont of
Agriculture nnd other UcpartmentH o
the Government, relating to the firming
aud planting interest.
An Advocate or Republican principles,
reviewing fearleatly and fairly the act
of Controls and thn Xatioutt Adminis
tration Price, 1.00 per year in advance,
E. W. FOX,
President and Mauagor.
The National Kkiuolican and the
Colcmbu Journal, 1 year, fi.M. 32-x
OR. WARM'S SPECIFIC No. 1.
A Certain Cure for Nervous Debility,
Seminal Weakness, Involuntary Emis
sions, Spermatorrhea, and all disease!! of
the genito-urinary organ.- caused by self
abuse or over indulgence.
Price, 1 00 per box, six boxes $5.00.
DR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. 2.
Per Epileptic Fits, Mental Anxiety,
Loss of ilemory, Softening of the Brain,
and all those diseases of the brain. Pria
fl.00 per box, six boxes $5.00.
DR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. 3.
For Impotence, Sterility in either sex,
Loss of Power, premature old age", and all
those diseases requiring a thorough in
vigorating of tho sexual organs. Price
$2.00 per box, six boxes $10.00.
DR. WARM'S SPECIFIC No. 4.
For Ilcadache, Nervous Neuralgia, and
all acute diseases of the nervous system.
Price 50e per box, six boxes $'i50. "
DR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. 5.
For all diseases caused by the over-uso
of tobacco or liquor. This remedy is par
ticularly efficacious in averting palsy and
dolirium tremens. Price $1.00 per ov,
hix boxes $5.00.
We Guarantee a Cure, or agree to re
fund double the money paid. Certificate
in each box. This guarantee applies to
each of our live Specifics. Sent by mail
to any address, secure from observation,
on receipt of price. Be careful to mention
the number of Specilic wanted. Our
Specitics are only recommended for spe
cific diseases. Beware of remedies war
ranted to cure all these diseases with one
medicine. To avoid counterfeits and al
ways secure toe genuine, order only from
DOWT1 Sc CHI,
ReaM is Wealth!
Db E. C West's Nxsts aicd Bbaii Treat-
T a narantMfl mwifia for IlTStenO. DlZZI-
..-. - -. r- m.r - xi- :
H il.n Namu Pro.tra.tion caused DT the I
ijonramaoa, xiis, rerrou iicunuga,
of alcohol or tobacco. Wakefulness. Mental Do
prtaaioB.BoRaincof the Brain malting in in
sanity and leadimr to misery, decay and deatB.
ris-astme Old Age. Barrenness, Loss of power
la either sex.ImroInntary Losses and Spermat
orrhoea rsnssil brover-exartion of tko brain. selr
atasaor OTer-indolgenco. Each box contains
oao month's treatment. $1X0 a box, or six boxes
tnrlSflCL sent by mail prepaidon receipt of pnos.
WJC CFAKAXTEE SIX BOXES
Toemre any esse. With each order reeeiTedbras
for six boxes, accompanied with $5X0. w will
seed the psreheseronr written guarantee to re
faadtaa Boaer if the treatmeotdowaota&BSt
eare. Gasxaateea i nedonbjby
JOHN a WEST & CO.,
M2 W. MADISON ST., CHICAGO, ILLS., -
Sole Flop's West's liver PHIs.
in present given away.
Send us a cents postage.
i ww anu dt man you win gee ,
free a package of goods of large value.
inai win start you in woric urn win-at
once bring you in money faster t hah any
thing else in America. AH about tbc
f-200,000 in presents with each box.
Agents wanted everywhere, of either
sex, of all ages, for all the time, or spare
time only, to work for us at their own
homes. Fortunes for all workers ab
solutely assured. Don't delay. H. IIal
urrT Jt Co., Portland, Maine.
w MMt cw wttfc Wf TipUlt U-r KLU. wantk m.
Vmt trimly imili.1 was. TWy tw ywly wptotK-t
mMkitaaaiMta. kertaM. iikoiM.cw
fcNtffawwn. lrahlriaMib Imnoi
u COL.M a jaTw. aCoSJ!.
TTTTIVr were raoaey than at anything;
II I IV ,8e by taking aa agency for
" J"L1 the best selling book out. Be-
jtiasers succeed graadly. None fsil.'
Tanas free. aUixarr Book Co., Peru
laBS, Make. 4-SJ.y
laaasssJBJSBpjiTji e wtBJ
I Ml ii M'UIIIII II IBM