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VOL. XVI.--N0. 45.
, COLUMBUS, NEB., WEDNESDAY, MARCH 8, 1886.
WHOLE NO. 825.
(Tin; !'uUimtms mmt
2 OO "
1 OO
SO
OS
I
I
X
COLUMBUS
STATE BANK!
COLUMBUS, NEB.
CASH CAPITAL.
$75,000
DIUKCTwltS.
Lkandkk GKititAiti), Pi-es'i.
Gko. V. Hixwjt, Vice Pratt.
Jui.u:s A. Uki:i.
It. II. IlKSIIY.
.!. IS. Task eh, Cashier.
Itaak of opoIi, IMc-ouni
unci KvIiunpc.
t:oIlocl-STwi "
ly InloreNl on TIih Icpo-Ii-.
.
HENRY LUERS,
i.r.u.r.K i.v
CHALLENGE
WIND MILLS,
AND PUMPS.
Buckeye Mower, combined, Self
Binder, wire or twine.
rumps Uiaii'd on short notice
jTOn' door wi'sl f lleint.' Drue.
Store. 11th Street, t dumbu, Neb.
HENRY G-ASS.
TJNDE RTAKE R !
IWF1XS ASII METALLIC CASES
AND DKAI.I'll IN
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reaus. Tables. Safes. Lounges,
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fT Jlcpuiriua of all Aiu?s of Upholstery
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1 Svl&
? 11.
11'
THE DESERTED CITY.
End Is the sight that city onco so fair!
A hundied palaces lie ruined there;
Her lofty towers are fallen, and creepers
grrow
O'ro marlile dome and shattered portico.
Once, with their tinkling zones and painted
feet.
Gay bunds of women thronged the royal
street;
Now through the night the hungry jackal
prowls.
And seeks his scanty prey with angry howls.
Once tbeie was music in the plashing wave
Of lakes, where mnidens loved thoir limbs to
lave:
But now these watcre echo with the blows
Struck by the horns of savage buffaloes.
Once tin; tnir.e peacock showed his glittering
en-pt
'Mid waving branches, where he loved to
rest:
The ruthlcs tlarue had laid those branches
low.
And marred his feathers and their golden
glow:
Tin-1 1 nun is silent that ho loved to hear.
Ami v'ciic the mistress whom he held so dear.
Once on the marble floor girls loved to place
The painted foot and leave its charming
truce;
Now the foil tigress stains, with dripping
gore
Of kids just slaughtered, that neglected
floor.
In those dear dnys, with tints of nature
warm.
In marble statues lived fair woman's form;
Alns! those tints are faded now, and dim.
And gathering dust obscures each rounded
lain 1
Wlnic thecastskins of serpents form a vest
1h:tt hides the beauties of each statue's
breast.
Itow sut-ct the moonbeams used, of old, to
nil I
Willi Mlvcriiig light on terrace, roof and
.M!
Bui now. neglected, there the grass grows
wild.
The roofs are shattered, and with dust de
filed. Pure chine those rays and silvery, as of yore.
But find their light reflected there no more.
Once in tho garden lovely girls, at play.
Culled the tiright flowers, and gent.y touched
tho spray;
But now wild creatures, in their savage joy.
Tread down the blossoms, and the plants de
stroy. By night no torches in the windows gleam;
By day no women in their beauty beam;
Tho smoke hits ceased; the spider there has
spread
His smi res msafetv, and all else is dead.
J. . ;. Giifith (from the Sanskrit), in
AiQvnaut.
m
A "SHADOWY" ROMANCE.
Why Arthur Wyllis Callod His
"Wife's Namo "Mabel."
One day Arthur Wyllis' boarding
house burned down, obliging him to
transfer his belongings elsewhere. He
found new quarters in a street which
had once been fashionable, but had now
declined to "eminently respectable,"
being mostly given over to lodging
houses. Altogether the retirement of
the place, with its large, handsomo
buildings pleased Wyllis very well. He
was a refined and imaginative young
fellow, not, indeed, nversc to society,
but still capable, at limes, of preferring
a quiet evening and a good book to the
noise and excitement of "the madding
crowd." as exemplified by his associ
ates. His IniMUos kept him down
town all day, so that, except on Sun
days, he was not familiar with any but
the nocturnal a.-pect of the street.
Every feature of that he knew by heart,
from the first glimmer of the gas lamp
on the coiner to the color of tho cur
tains at the dilTercnl windows. In one
of these windows he became particu
larly interested, parth because it was
directly opposite bi own, and partly be-cau-e,
at the hour of his f turn, there
was almost always the siir.-Jow of a
head outlined on the white curtain.
After his fashion. Vllis began to
speculate pbout the owner of this head.
On the tiiida following his removal he
looked over curiously to see what he
could discern by daylight. Some one
was certainly in the window, but so dis
guised by the lace draperies that he
could only perceive a general feminine
outline. Later, when the church bells
Trere ringing, lie saw a very pretty girl
leave the house, but, devoutly as he
hoped it, he had no proof that this was
his unknown iw-'t-ris. For all he could
tell this sweet divinity might live upon
the third or fourth floor, perhaps at the
back, where horrible thought! she
flirted with some fellow similarly placed;
while the Lady of the Shadow was per
haps some venerable dame. In the
mhNl of this uncertainty chance, in the
.shape of a lire alarm, cam" to his
asi.-tance
When the bell began to Miuud Wyllis
wondering if he were going to be burned
out again, leaned out to tee. it possible,
where the lire was. Then he glanced
s? cross the way. and .-aw his neighbor
engaged in the same attempt, llefore
the window was closed and curtained
again, Wyllis hail asct rtained that sho
was the same pretty gill he had seen
leave the house.
His mind was now at rest, and his
speculations began to take a more defi
nite form. Undoubtedly his beautiful
neighbor was musical, and the nightly
shadow was seated at the piano for the
regular drill. Upon this basis he built
a tine castlc-in-thc-air. In fact, he con
structed an entire romance, of which
this unknown pretty girl was the hero
ine, whom he worshiped under the
name of Mabel. Her whole history
was in imagination as familiar to
him as his own, and he would often
muse upon the circumstances which left
her a lovely waif upon the tide of city
life. He kept all this jealously from
the knowledge of his companions, who.
he felt, would break the charm, even if
they did not go farther and trv to estab
li.h an ordinary, commonplace llirta
tion with the sacred Shadow.
Here energel'c youth will ask: Why
did not Arthur Wyllis. living as he did
opposite his divinity, follow up his ad
vantage and contrive an acquaintance,
as he easily might have done? The
answer is: Precisely because he was
Arthur Wyllis. Uet'ring to a fault, he
was a good deal of a dreamer by nature,
and he was quite capable of romancing
about a girl for week?, until she sudden
Jy disappeared from hi- horizon, leav
ing him with his awakened sensibilities
thrown back upon himself. How long
in the present ease he might have gone
on in this fantastic way it is impossible
to tell, for one day, several weeks later,
something happened which startled him
out of his natural world. This was the
robbery and attempted murder m a
lady occupying the second-floor apart
ment in a boarding-house not many !
squares distant. The man had as
cended by means of a porch,
and entered through a window
communicatim: with a balcony. It
was dusk of a winter night, at an hour
when the inmates were presumably at
their evening meal, and the burglar no I
doubt expected to find the rooms empty, j
As it happened, however, the lady who ,
occupied the first which he entered was '
indisposed, and was lying half asleep on
a lounge. The gas was turned down very
low, and as she was in an alcove out of j
the range of the window, the burglar ;
did not suspect her pesencc until he was !
fairly in the room. When he did, he .
robbly thought he would not have his j
abor for his "pains. At any rate the
lady, in licr subsequent accounr. of tho
affair, said that something made her
opeti her eyes to see a man standing by
her toilet-table, with his hands on her
gold watch; that she sprang forward
with a scream and caught at the watch
which had been the gift of a dead friend
that the burglar tried to make his
escape, and, when she still clung to him
in her endeavor to get possession of the
watch, struck her savagely on the head
until, at the approach of the people who
had been alarmed by her ories, he
wrenched himself violently from her hold
and disappeared by the same way he
had come.
It was a fashionable boarding-house,
and the lady was well-known in society,
and the whole affair naturally made a
great sensation in the city. Wyllis,
however, had his own special reasons
for feeling excited about it. Did not
the Shadow also live on the second
lloor, and though there was no porch to
the house, was there not a trellis, by
means of which an evil-disposed and
tolerably agile fellow could gain an en
trance? When Wyllis came home on
the evening following the burglary, it
was with a beating heart. lie had
heard the details, as given by the daily
papers, discussed all day long, and his
ready imagination had varied and ex
panded them to suit the case he had in
mind. As soon a he came in sight of
the window he looked up with eager,
anxious haste. But there was the be
loved shadow peacefully outlined upon
the still, white curtain, and stirring
only with the movements of the hands
as they went up and down tho key
board in the exigencies of the music
Wyllis drew a long breath of relief, as
he turned the latcn-ke3 in his own door
and went up stairs.
For a few evenings all went well, but
on the fourth the questioning eyes of
this self-appointed guardian saw a
sight that chilled his blood. He looked
up as usual, and what! just above the
unsuspecting Shadow, distinctly drawn
upon the smooth, white surface is an
other head, and two hands that slowly,
cautiously descend until they reach the
girl's shoulders, where they fasten in a
vise-like grip. Turning with a start
she struggles to rise, she throws
up her hands in vain appeal,
her head drops backward, and sho falls
fainting from her seat !
In far less time than it takes to tell it,
all this has passed before Arthur Wyllis1
agonized gaze, and shaken oft" the hor
ror that stiffens him, he dashes across
the street, through the door standing
ajar, past some one in the vestibule,
and up the unlighted stairs to the passage-way
on the second lloor. Gaining
the fateful door with a bound, he stops
short to recover breath and listen. Not
a sound! Absolute, awful silence! Sick
at heart for what this stillness may
mean, he lling the door wide open
and is confronted in Uic brilliantly
lighted room by two figures who spring
to their feet and stare at him. There
are suspicious signs which make it prob
able that he has interrupted a love scene,
and it is certain that the girl who now
stands looking at him in surprise and
confusion is not his M:.!!'!!
Her companion was the first to re
cover him-elf. "What the what do
you mean anyway, by bursting in here
like a cyclone ?" he said angrily.
"I bug your pardon," began Wyllis,
and stopped short, blushing like a girl
over his absurd position. Then seeing
that something more in the way of ex
planation was expected "I I thought
it wa.i murder," he added.
"Thought what was murder ?" de
manded Die young man, contemptuous
ly. " "Your your shadows " stammer
ed Wyllis.
The other looked as if in doubt wheth
er to conclude him insane or intoxica
ted, but before he could make up his
mind the door was opened again, and a
gay voice was heard to exclaim : "What
makes Maggie so economical of the gas
to-night, I wonder ? I was almost
why Dick !" as she entered.
"Oh, this is you!" exclaimed Wyllis
in reJief, as he turned to recognize the
pretty face and yellow hair of the true
Shadow.
"Oh, Bell! Do you know him?"
from the other girl; and simultaneously
from Dick
"So this gentleman is an acquaint
ance of yours, is he?"
The newcomer blushed crimson. "I
I have seen him," she answered, eva
sively. "Then perhajx you'll explain him,"
said Dick, still indignant, "for he goes
beyond me. Is he always as startling
and dramatic in his style as ho is to
nightP" "I don't know," getting still more
covered with confusion under their
gaze. "I've never never met him,
but I believe he he lives opposite."
"Aha! Lives opposite, does he? 1
begin to smell a mice," said slangv
Dick. "Well, Miss Bell, judging from
the murder-and-shadow businoss just
now, .1 can't say I think he's a very de
sirable acquaintance for a damsel all
forlorn."
"Oh, Bell! I do hope you haven't
been doing-anything imprudent, alone
by yourself here," murmured the other
girl, with an elder-sisterly readiness to
distrust the wisdom of her junior.
"Of course I haven't Clara," retorted
Bell, a ilash of anger in her blue eyes
showing that she was not at all celestial.
Wyllis was finding the situation un
bearable. He felt like a fool, and feared
he must look like one. And this in the
presence of the divinity whom he had
for weeks been adoring! He clasped his
hat convulsively and struck into the con
versation. "Allow me to explain! I I think I
can make it all clear "
" I wish you would, then, for I give
it up," said Dick. "Wait a minute,
though! If you're sure you're not
wrong anyway," and ho looked signifi
cant. " suppose yon just sit down while
you tell us the conundrum. Might as
well take it easy, eh? Don't be afraid,
girls," in a stage aside, " I'm between
him andyou."
Wyllis, for all his evil temper, glared
at the irrepresssble Dick, but acccepted
his invitation, and began an explana
tion which was interrupted by frequent
peals of laughter from that young man.
"So you thought I wanted to murder
her?" he exclaimed. "I say, Clara, if
that's the way our spooning looks to
outsiders "
But here Clara swept down upon him
wrathfully and reduced him to silence.
When the story was finished and they
had exchanged cards Dick saidthought
fulkr: "Are you anything to Eugene
AVyllis, of Philadelphia; I see you spell
your name the same way with" a y.
"Yes," said Wvllis, eagerly, "I have
a cousin Eugene Vyllis in Philadelphia.
He is in the grain business.
"That's the man. Why, I know him
very well. Let's sec, now," continued
Dick, suggestively, "if you know any
other friends of mine?"
"Who are some of your friends?"
asked Wyllis, overjoyed" at this unex
pected opening of a better knowledge
of the Shadow,
Dick began to run over some names
of acquaintances common to himself
and Eugene Wyllis, and at the third
Anhur Wyllis stopped him.
"Tom Rutherford and I are old
chums," he said. Here is a letter I got
from him yesterday. Read it no,
really, I insist as a favor to mo "
"No, no; that would be carrying the
joke a little too far," said Dick, returning
the letter, but not before his quick eye
had discerned both address and signa
ture. "Well, Mr. Wyllis," he went on,
humorously, " 'references exchanged,'
as the advertisements say. My name's
Richard Ellery, familiarly called Dick;
my occupation tha of commission mer
chant As for my charms of mind and
person, your cousia or Tom Rutherford
will describe them to you in the glowing
colors modesty forbids me use. This,
waving his hand, showman-wise, "is
Miss Clara Deane, with whoin I hope
some day to form a matrimonial alli
ance, the same young lady you fancied
I wanted to mur . But never mind
that now! And this where arc you,
Bell? this is our little sister Isabel, who
has been living here for the last three
months, cultivating a fancied talent for
music, as you may perceive by her piano
there. But I forgot, the piano's a sensi
tive subject for you, too "
"i think, Dick," put in Isabel Deane,
with some haste, ".while you are ox
plaining things you might as well ox
plain to me how you appeared here so
suddenly, like "
"Like tho handsome prince in the
fairy tale?"
"No, more like the horrid clown in
the pantomime!"
"My dear child," responded Dick,
loftily ignoring the retort, "the question
you propose would be an affair of time
and difficulty. We should have to in
quire into the first causes of things, the
principles of steam and motion, as well
as the springs that move the human
mind"
"Oh! Dik, how can you be so tire
some?" interrupted Clara, laughing.
"Why can't you tell her that when
you knew I was going to visit her you
made up your mind to take me by
surprise?"
Their bantering talk formed a sort of
running commentary, explaining all the
obscure points, and when Wyllis pres
ently rose to go he felt tolerably well
acquainted with them and their affairs.
Dick, iu the name of the family, asked
him to come again, which he gladly
promised to do.
"But I say," added Mr. Ellery, with
sudden gravity, "if you could make it
convenient to come like ordinary call
ers it might be better. At least until
burglaries get so common as to justify
that sensational sort of entrance, you
know."
"I suppose," Wyllis answered, with
rather a .sickly smile, "that I might be
considered my own burglar. It never
occurred to me that I was performing in
that part nrysclf."
"By Jove! so you were," said Dick,
delighted.
"I remember now," Wyllis went on,
ruefully, "that I passed some one in the
door. It was too dark to sec just what
I did, but. well, of course, I was going
rather fast, and I'm afraid I pushed In'
a little rudely. I only hope it wasn't
some old lady whom Ifrightencd near
ly to death, and who will always think I
belonged to the dangerous classes."
"I can answer for that," spoke up
Bell, demurely, "as I mvself was tho
old lady in question. You certainly
were going rather fast just then! But,
of course, it was all Maggie's fault for
forgetting to light the hall -gas," sho
concluded politely.
The color came to Wyllis' face again
as he stammered some disjointed words.
But somehow or other, as his eyes met
Bell's, the blood came to her check
also. Then he bowed himself out and
went downstairs, rejoicing in the
thought of the dajs to come, in spite of
the unpleasant conviction that, in the
room he had just left. Dick Ellery was
exploding in interminable laughter at
his expense.
A friend of Arthur Wyllis' once asked
him why he called his wife Mabel,
her name being Isabel, whereupon they
both laughed and looked mysteriously
at each other, and the questioner guess
ed that thereby hung a tah:. Aim that
was the tale that has just been told, of
the Shadow of the Curtain. Kate Put'
7iam Osgood, in Detroit Free Press.
SCHOOL PUNISHMENT.
A Denunciation of the Administration of
Cayenne Pepper to Pupils.
Whatever form school punishments
may take, it never should be the admin
istration of Cayenne pepper to the soft,
delieate and sensitive lining of the
mouth and throat of a child. That is
not punishment; it is torture. It may
be attended with consequences which,
if not fatal to tho child, may seriously
affect its health for years. Such an ac
tion degrades the teacher in the
eyes of all right-thinking persons, or
rather it demonstrates the teacher's
unfitness to be placed in charge
of children. Such a teacher should be
removed. If it was thought infernal
cruelty in some despots that they ap
plied burning matches to the fingers of
refractor- criminals to compel confes
sion, what is it to force Cayenne pepper
into & child's mouth? Parents are sen
tive as to the punishment of their chil
dren by school teachers. It is natural
that they should be. That they are in
dignant when the punishment" is cruel
and unnatural is to their credit. In
view of this, it is strange to find the
following in a contemporary:
"We are altogether too sensitive in
matters of this kind, and those who ob
ject to having their children punished at
the public schools are frequently men
who, in their own school days, used to
endure severe floggings without think
ing of making a murmur, much less of
urging their parents to enter a protest
against the teacher's actions. This ex
aggerated notion about the evils of pun
ishment, when punishment is deserved,
has only to be persisted in to produce a
generation wholly wanting in the cour
age, strength and determination of pre
ceding generations."
The world is more humane than it
once was. Men who remember with
horror the punishments inflicted on them
in their school days are anxious that the
school system should not return to the
methods in vogue when it was
accepted as a maxim that boys
must be flogged, and that as flogging
was a good thing there could not be
too much of it. The schoolmasters arc
more humane than our contemporary.
The modern schoolmaster uses the rod
as little as possible. We arc sorry to
Btty that women in schools often resort
to cruel and excessive punishments
more readily than men. The teachers
placed over our children frequently
have occasion to be severe; but there is
no reason why they should be cruel.
Boston Transcript. '
FIRST
National Bank!
cox.x7asBX7s neb.
Authorized Capital, -Paid
In Capital,
Surplus and Profits, -
8250,000
00,000
13,000
OFFICERS AND DIUECTOKS.
A. ANDERSON, Pres't.
SAM'L C. SMITH, Vice PresTt.
O.T. KOEN, Cashier.
.). W. KARLY,
HERMAN OEHLRICH,
AV. A. MCALLISTER,
G. ANDERSON,
P. ANDERSON.
Foreign and Inland Exchange, Passage
Tickets, anu Real Estate Loans.
20-vol-l.l-ly
BUSINESS CAEDS.
D.T. Maktyx, M. 1). F. J. Scuuc, M. D.
Drs. MARTYN & SCHUG,
U. S. Examining Surgeons,
Local Surirconn. Union Pacific, O., N.
& It. H.aud l. & M.R. It's.
Consultations iu German and English.
Telephones at ouice and residences.
BSTOliiee on Olive street, next to l.rod
feuhrer's .lewclry Store.
COLUMBUS, - NEBRASKA.
1'J-y
W.
,11. 4:oKivi-:B.irL,4,
LAW AND COLLECTION OFFICE.
Ult:iirs Ernst building 11th street.
J O. BEKUEU,
A TTOllXE r -4 T LA W,
Oflicc on Olive St., Columbus, Nebraska
2-tf
C
1 . EVANS, M. .,
PHYSICIAN AND SUIWEON.
jarOflico and rooms, Gluck building,
11th street. Telephone communication.
H
A.miro: meadi; ti. .,
PIl YSl CI AN AND S Uli UEON,
Platte Center, Nebraska. 0-y
F. V. RUAHiEK, tl. .,
HOMCEOPATHIST.
Chronic Diseases and Diseases of
Children a Specialty.
JSrOliiee on Olive street, three doors
north of First National Bauk. '2-ly
TT J. IIU10,
NOT Alt Y P UBLIC,
2th Street, 2 doors west of Hammond House,
Columbus, Neb. -91-y
.TlONIiV TO LOAX.
Five years' time, on improved farms
with at least one-fourth the acreage under
cultivation, in sums representing one
third the fair value of the homestead.
Correspondence solicited. Address,
1 31. K. TURNER,
,-,0.v Columbus, Nehr.
ArcAIJJSTER BROS.,
A TTOJtNlu YS A T LA W,
Office up-stairs in McAllister's build
iug. 11th St. W. A. McAllister, Notarj
Public.
N
OTICE TO TKACHKK.
W. H. Tedrow, Co. Supt.
1 will he at my otliue in tho Court
House on the t.ird Saturday of each
month, for the purpose of examining
teachers. -tf
.1. M. MACKAULANI), B. It. COWIJERY,
A?.:r-.i7 tai 5'.r7 Kt? e. CcllKicr.
LAW AND COLLECTION OFFICE
OK
MACFARXjAND& COWDERY,
Columbus, : : : Nebraska.
j. jr. TtiAimiiAiv,
Justice, County Surveyor, Notary,
Land and Collection Agent.
53riarties desiriug surveying done can
notify me by mail at Platte. Centre, Neb.
51-tJin
.lOlIN :. llIfiCINS. C. J.'OAIILOW,
Collection Attorney .
HIGGINS & OABLOW,
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW,
Specialty made of Collections by C.J.
Garlow. 34- m
Tp d.Kistiii:,
llth St., opposite Lindell Hotel.
Sell Harness, Saddles, Collars, "Whips,
lilankets, Curry Combs, Brushes, trunks,
valises, hugiry tops, ciiohions, carriage
trimmings, Ac., at the lowest possible
prices. Repairs promptly attended to.
TAMKS SAI.JIO",
CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER.
Plans and estimates supplied for either
frame or brick buildings. Good work
guaranteed. Shop on 13th Street, near
St. Paul Lumber Yard, Columbus, Ne
braska. 52Cmo.
nAnPBELL Ac ST. CLAIR,
DEALERS IN'
Eas and Iron ! "
a
The highest market price paid for rags
and iron. Store in the Bubach building,
Olive st., Columbus, Neb. 15-tf
JS. MURDOCK & SON,
Carpenters and Contractors.
Havehadan extended experience, and
will guarantee satisfaction in work.
All kinds of repairing done on short
notice. Our motto is, Good work and
fair prices. Call and give us an oppor
tunitytoestimatcforyou. t5TShop on
13th St., one door west of Friedhof &
Co's. store, Columbus. Nebr. 4SS-V
RCBOYD,
MANUFACTURER OF
Tin and Sheet-Iron Ware !
Job-Work, Hoofing; and Gutter
ing a Specialty.
237Shop on Olive Street, 2 doors
linrtl, tt ltlT.flrDtllirkr'f: lniit.lrL' Ctnra
32-tr J
A ROMANCE.
How She Fell and How He Tumbled A
Love Story
It was a corner.
On a public, icy corner.
As I approached it from one direction
an angel approach it from the opposite.
I mean an angel in female clothing
fourteen dollar hat seal skin sacquc
eight dollar boots and such a face and
form.
As we were about to pass she fell.
There was no bag-of-sand business
about it, but she simply uttered a little
shriek a very little one tossed up her
right arm, and then gracefully settled
down in a heap, with one foot and
ankle peeping out from under her dress.
I'll be hanged! I'll be hanged if it
wasn't the most graceful thing in tho
books the prettiest, sweetest, daintiest
fall ever seen in public!
Quickcr'n chain-lightning I made up
my mind to marry her. I had fully de
termined never to marry a woman who
slipped down like a bow-legged quad
ruped and made herself an object of
ridicule to the public.
v
Months passed.
So did I.
My love never grew cold. Sho took
occasion to fall again this t me off a
step-ladder in the back yard as we
trained a climbing rose.
Gracious! but how beautiful! She
didn't go down with a swoosh and a
kerplunk, but descended like a bird
slowly, gracefully, quietly, properly.
After that I hastened the marriage
day. I had long ago determined never
to marry one of these women who kick
the step-ladder through the hack fence
as they take a tumble.
in.
Wc were spliced, My happiness
kicked tho beam at two thousand
pounds.
Inside of a week she threw a clock at
me. Next day she went into a mad fit
and kicked two panels out of a door,
and several panels out of me. Site tried
to saw me in two with a case-knife. Sho
smight to explode a can of tomatoes
under my chin as I slept. Site stole my
watch and pawned it she plundered
my wallet she placed a torpedo in my
path, and she fled with a man who was
selling patent stove blacking three
packages for twentry-five cents, war
ranted not to raise any dust or spot the
carpet.
IV.
Let 'em fall!
I stand on very icy comers and wait
and grin and anticipate,
I cachinnate and chuckle. lam heart
less. Let 'cm fall gracefully or other
wise. Lei 'em descend like feathers, or
with a bump which shakes the earth.
Let 'em scramble on all-fours, mad and
chagrinned. or let 'em remain in grace
ful position until some soft-hearted fool
rushes up to extend a hand.
I am there, but I am immovable, im
placable, unrelenting. Detroit Free
Press.
A DISCARDED CHILD.
Jurigo Kelti'y's mid Stuart sitobson'a Ser
vices in tlie Thirty-ninth Congress.
A good story is told of an encounter
Judge Kelh-y recently had with Stuart
Robson, the comedian. They met at a
hotel in Philadelphia, and, being intro
duced, Mr. Kobson says:
"They tell me you are the father of
the House."
"That's my proudest title," re
sponded the Judge.
"Then I suppose I'm one of your dis
carded children a waif so to speak,
and a prodigal, who is waiting for you
to ring the dinner bell and carve'the
calf. I served in the Thirty-ninth Con
gress myself."
"Is it possible?" responded the
Judge. "My memory is ordinarily
good, but I do not recall "
"Don't mention it," interrupted Rob
son, "don't mention it, I beg of you I
accept your apology not another word,
mj- dear fellow not an other word. I
was not a fixed star, j-ou know only a
passing meteor, brilliant but brief. My
merits were not recognized. I was not
appreciated. My career was nipped in
the bud like what-you-eall-him's rat. I
was not re-elected, but I have no hard
feelings toward you on that account, I
assure you. Wc will not let it stand be
tween us."
"Yon were a member of the Thirty
ninth Congress," said the judge mus-
bigiyT.
"No sir; you misunderstood mc. I
didn't say I was a member. I was a
page. I cleaned spittoons and that sort
of thing, and wasn't re-elected, don't
you sec. But we'll let by-gones be by
gones." Chicago Tribune.
FAST COLORS.
A i'retty Story nith an KxcctMUngiy Patri
otic Termination.
Fast colors, or colors that will not
fade, arc always desired by the ladies
when purchasing or making up fabrics
of any kind. An exchange tells how a
lady once had a silk dress dyed in very
fast colors. Tim Lockwood was a joker,
and a jolly fellow generally. In the
years agone he had charge of an impor
tant department in a dye-house in Mai
den. On a certain occasion. Mrs. C
sent in a nice white silk dress to be
dyed. The fabric was slightly soiled,
and she thought this would he the
readiest way of cleaning it. She was
not particular about the color. With
the dress she sent this note to Tim :
"Exercise your own tate in regard
to color; that is, if you have any taste.
I would like the color or colors to he
bright, and warranted not to turn palo
or run."
Mrs. C and Tim were old school
mates, and they joked each other on
every possible occasion. It so happened
that'on the very day when Mrs. C 's
silk came to hand, Mr. Lockwood had
received from Lowell a stamp, or set of
stamps, for printing the United States
flag; and perhaps the reader can fancy
Mrs. C 's emotions when her silk
dress came home covered with beautiful
Yankee flags, the veritable stars and
stripes. With the dress came this note:
"Respected Madam. You baile me select
for your dress colors that wou.i! not turn
pale or run. When these colors pale I should
like to know it, and I will warrant them not
to run. They have been tried by the Enjc
hsh, on more than one occasion, and by tho
piratical Trinolitans. and more recently bv
the Mexicans: and I think I am safe In war-
rantiuir these colors to stand Ann on everr
occasion."
The colors arc still fast and enduring,
although this happened man- years
ago. JTouth's Companion.
Thousands of hogs have been fat
tened fn San Luis Obispo County, Cal.,
on the acorn crop, which was never be
fore known to be so great as it is this
eason. San Francisco Call.
A MILITARY STAFF.
Some Reasons Why the American Army
Should Usto a Properly Kilaeated Staff
Corps.
That wc may be ablo to keep paco
with the rapid and unceasing improve
ments of modern military science, and
adapt them to our peculiar needs, it is
absolutely necessary that wc should
have a permanent establishment where
officers devote themselves entirely to tho
military profession, while tho non-commissioned
officers aud men remain long
enough in the servico to acquire
thorough discipline and instruction.
In measuring the value of such a
permanent establishment it is to be
borne in mind that not only can it per
form certain duties, such as the control
of the Indians, very much moro efli
cicntly and.cconomieally than any tem
porary force, but that, if maintained at
a sufficiently high numerical standard,
it stands ready to bear tho first brnnt of
hostilities until new troops can be or
ganized and instructed, that it affords
the means of infusing discipline and in
struction among these new troos,
and that it furnished tho
robust frames of the various
stall" corps, whose business it is to di
rect the movements and supply the
needs of both old and new troops. It
is impossible to exaggerate the import
ance of these staff corps of the regular
army and it is one of the unavoidable
necessities of our position to maintain
them on a larger scale than is demand
ed by the current needs of the army on
a peace footing.
Our ability to increase tho strength
of the army with rapidity, and to im
provise new armies, depends chiefly
it might perhaps justly be said entirely
upon our maintaining in timo of
peace largo and thoroughly trained
staff corps. Far from having too many,
our organization is still deficient in the
lack of something corresponding to the
magnificent "General Staff Corps" of
the German army a corps composed
of the ablest and most highly trained
officers of the most perfectly organized
army the world has ever scen.and form
ing the most admirable and efficient
military instrument of which history
hears record.
It must not for a moment be forgot
ten that the mere drill in the tactics and
the uso of arms forms a very small
although a very essential part of the
instruction required to prepare troops
for war.
The proper feeding and clothing of
the men, the care of their health, the
collection of the various supplies requir
ed, together with the formation and
management of the requisite depots and
trains to insure their being on hand at
the right time and place, the determina
tion of the most efficient arms and am
munition, the establishment of hospitals
and field-hospital trains, the provision
of the means for crossing'rivers, the use
of heavy and light artillery, the con
duct of seiges, the attack and defense of
posts, the collection of information as to
the theater of war and the supplies it
affords, of the movements aud intentions
of the enemy, guard and outpost duty,
reconnaissances, marches, handling
troops on the field of battle in other
words, the means required to put troops
to tho best possible use, or, in fact, to
any use whatever all this requires for
its proper execution a combination of
the theory and practice, of education
and experience, that can be acquired
only through a regular establishment.
Moreover, it must be remembered that
never before has technical science play
ed so great a part in war, and never be
fore was thorough scientific knowledge
of the art of war, in all Uh branches, so
necessary to insure success. The lata
Ucorge U. McClellan, in Harper's Maga
zine. MILLIONAIRE CLERKS.
The
"Hard" TLIfe They "Lead In Their
Fathers' Establishment.
Apropos of fashion, the newest dodge
of prudent fathers to save their sons
from the temptations of a luxurious age
is to compel the aforesaid offspring to
go into trade. It is supposed that the
requirements of business will force the
boys to avoid late hours and too much
champaignc and to lead a better life.
Mr. A. J. Drcxcl, the banker, who is
thought to be the owner of fifteen or
sixteen millions, is credited with the au
thorship of the plan. Some weeks ago
he appointed Ins son Tony to a clerk
ship in his own banking-house at the
munificent salary of twelve dollars a
week and a midday lunch. Since then
Mr. E. C. Knight, the immensely-rich
sugar refiner, and half a dozen other
millionaires have treated their boys simi
larly. Fortunately the boys do not have to
pay their board or buy their own clothes
out of their salary. Young Mr. Drcxel,
for example, is one of the most con-.spicuously-drcssd
youths in the town,
and his wages as clerk would hardly
keep him in gloves. He sometimes asks
a friend or two to the Ilellcvuc and
spends his whole week's salary ou one
v iy ordinary dinner.
The way most of these millionaire
clerics work is not uninteresting. It is
like this; They come down at ten. At
half-past ten they feel the necessity of
some exercise and take a half-hour's
stroll on Chestnut street. At twelve
they take lunch. That lasts about an
hour ami a half, and at about two
o'clock the boys leave the office for the
day. This, I titiiik, is a very fair state
ment of the ca-e. Yet one of the clerks
said to me the other night, midst a
cloud of cigarette smoke: "I had no
idea" - puff "when I" puff, puff
"went into business" puff "that"
puff "it would be" puff "so confin
ing, don't you know" puff, puff, puff.
-V. Y. Cor. Chicago Tribune.
Uncongenial White House Dinners.
After General Grant had appointed
Judge Taft Secretary of War he invited
a number of leading Republican Sena
tors, to dine with him at the White
House, that they might become person
ally acquainted. He forgot, however,
to invite Judge Taft. who consequently
was not present, so those invited to
meet him did not have the pleasure of
seeing him. On another occasion, when
Congress was investigating the Wash
ington real estate pool, General Grant
sent one of his sons to the Capitol, to in
vite informally a dozen Republican Sen
ators to dine at the White House, for
conference. The young Grant mistook
that staunch Democrat. Senator Eli
Salisbury, for Senator Morrill, of Ver
mont, and so invited the Delawarean.
His presence acled like an extinguisher
on all political talk, and he, after hav
ing wondered all through the dinner
why he was invited, hurriedly took his
leave when the cigars were introduced.
Ben: Perley Poorc.
It doesn't require much to start a
hensation stopping it is the trouble.
Albany (G.) Medium.
RELIGIOUS AND EDUCATIONAL.
Hush!" whispered a little girl to
her classmates, who were laughing dur
ing prayer; "wo should be polite to
God."
There is not a church within fifty
miles of St. Lucie, Fla., and hundreds
of persons in that region never heard a
sermon. Chicago Times.
The annual Yale catalogue shows
that the college numbers among its
students representatives of thirty-live
States, four Territories, and eleven
countries.
There are nine churches of the
Mormon faith in Southern Indiana.
They belong to the Joseph Smith or
anti-polygamy wing of the church.
Imlianapolis Journal.
From the beginning of its Foreign
Missionary work, fifty-throe yoars ago,
tho American Methodist Episcopal
Church has expended in that cause
$7,537.758.36. .Y. Y. Examiner.
The agricultural schools of France
are very popular with the farmers'
Nearly every person who has a farm of
his own is anxious to send at least one
of his sons to an agricultural school.
The school trustees of Hobokon, N.
J., have adopted the resolution that
teachers shall not compel scholars to
bold a piece of sponge in their mouths
as a means of punishment. This extra
ordinary act was caused by the practice
of one of the teachers who punished in
the novel way of the sponge gag.
The College of the Propaganda, at
Rome, announces that up to November
1, 1885, in thcVicarate of Cochin China.
9 missionaries. 7 native priests. 60 oato
chists, 270 members of religious orders,
and 21,000 Christians were massacred.
200 parishes, 17 orphan asylums, and
10 convents were destroyed, and 235
churches were burned.
About twenty years ago Judge Nott,
of Albany, declared in a public speech
that Union College was a failure becauso
of its location in the small town of
Schenectady, yet at that timo it had more
living graduates than any other college
in the United States, ami oven now the
number about 3,000 is exceeded only
by Harvard and Yale. N. Y. Times.
Says tho Advance, on revivals of
religion: "God assures us. by the ex
perience of his messengers in overy age
that the more earnestly the pure and
simple gospel is brought into contact
with the minds and hearts of men, and
the more persistently it is kept there,
tho more ground is there for expecting
it to produce the spiritual results for
which it was given.
No close analogy whatever oaa be
drawn between methods used in the
public school, and those which may be
practicable in the Sunday-school. In
the hitter everything must be simple,
and co-operations on the part of the
scholars must be almost entirely volun
tary, whereas the "must" has not
quite died out of the public school yet,
though it has been in a kind of con
sumption now for many years. The In
terior. The radical fault of our public sys
tem of education, and indeed of our
whole system, is that the first is based
upon mere book knowledge and ex
cludes the idea of manual labor, and
that the second sympathizes with it. It
presupposes that every boy is going to
make his living outside of productive
industry by mental plotting and schem
ing or by mere mechanical routine be
hind t!i!" desk or counter. The manual
training system will change all this. Its
first result will be to make labor respec
table. Chicago Tribune.
WIT AND WISDOM.
I have lived to know that the oecretof
happiness is never to allow your ener
gies to stagnate. Adam Clark.
The man who will tell a lie to get a
hundred cents, will tell a hundred to
get a cent, before he finishes his career.
Cincinnati Times.
It is often said that second thoughts
arc the best. So they are in matters of
judgment, but not in matters of conscience.-
Chicago Journal.
A Pennsylvania man put some dy
namite iu the kitchen stove to dry, tho
other day. and neither the stove nor dy
nainitu can be found. Some men aro
awful wasteful. Philadelphia Call.
Pompous physician (to patient's
wife): "Why did you delay sending;
for me until he was out of his mindP
Wife: "O doctor, while he was in his
right mind he wouldn't let me send for
you." N. Y. Mail.
"If there's anything I like it's roast
goose," remarked Fcndersou, as ho
passed up his plate for a second help
ing. "It does you credit," said Fogg;
"there's nothing so beautiful as affec
tion amongst the members of a family."
Boston Transcript.
Some one placed a piece of Lira
burger clicc.se in the lining of a Santa
Cruz merchant's hat this week, and tho
merchant has been loudly proclaiming
that the city needs a sewer system right
away, as the smell of sewer-gas is some
thing awful. Santa Cruz (Cd.) Senti
nel. Once when Captain Kidd was sail
ing o'er the Spanish main, taking out a
cargo of Bibles to tin heathen, a row
broke out among the passengers, which
was spccdi! quelled by the larboard
watch fellirg live of the ringleaders of
tin;" disturbance to the deck. What
time was it? The watch struck live.
N. Y. Post.
Small an tall
5Iy wife is tall, my son Is tall.
Much taller than his father;
To be about as tail nn he
I very much would rather.
I look small and I am small, but
What inukos me feel small rathor.
My wife cut down my Hon' old "lothes.
To mako them fit h; Cut her.
Two clerks in a Texas dry-goods
store are engaged in a conversation.
"The bos3 said something to mc this
morning that I don't like.' "He often
does that. He don't care what he
says." "Well, I don't like it, and if
he" don't lake back what he ;aid to me
it will be impossible for me to ntay with
him." "What did he say?" "He gave
mc notice to quit on the first of the
month." Texas Sifting.t.
Another Fling at Chicago.
When a Chicago woman wants to get
a seat ra a street-car sh wraps up her
poodle-dog and carries it in her arms as
though it were a baby. But the trick is
now becoming known, and doesn't al
ways work. The other day a lady got
into a full car with what looked like an
infant in her arms. A very rapid-look-ifg
young man inspected her for a
moment and then said: "Madam,
if that is a kid you can have rav
seat, but if it is a pup, you can't
"Well, it's a pup," snapped the lady,
"but not as big a one as you are." The
rapid-looking young man at once got
off and wen-, to the wheal pit. jV. F.
Trikunc
fj-1