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About The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 6, 1886)
THE JOURNAL. WEDNESDAY, -TAN. 0, 1SSG. rs.c::i it tic r::i:5ce, Cslcs:. Hat., as :o:csl da:: i:i:r. A KISS BY TELEPHONE. The telephone. In merry tone, Ranjf "Tinkelty. tinkelty-tink!" I put in y car Jloe uj to hear. And what did ! bear, do you think? "Papa, hello! Tl me. vou know!" The voice I in- own little miss: "Vou went away From home- to-day. And yon ncverjrave me a klsal "It whs h mistake, I was not awake Before you went out of the house; I thought tliat n kiss Would not be amiss If I Rave it as sly as a moose! "So here goes, pupa. And one f i oiu mamma, iAnd another when you come home: Just answer mo this. Is it nice to kiss Vhen you want through the dear telephone?' "Hello!" I replied. With fatherly pride, ''I've got tbcm as snug as can bo; I'll give them all back, Witli many a smack, Vheaever I come homo to teal" 2nmto Mail. THE BLUE PENCIL. Itoasons Proving That It ' World." 'Buns the All newspaper offices are not so or derly :is thin' should be, hut this is only to he expected. Jt would bo unfair to look for perfection in the oflice of a newspaper which sells for two cents a copy. It would also be useless. So it happened one day that a pen, a pair of j-hears, a pot of mucilage and a blue pencil found themselves upon the same dusk. This rcrtainly should not have occurred, for these potent factors of journalism belonged to dillercut per sons. The pen was the possession of a writer, the hears and mucilage were the property of the exchange editor and the blue pencil was owned by the managing editor himself. How they canto togothcr it would be difficult to say at this late day; it was probably an oversight on the part of the otlice boy, or perhaps the owners had been care less but they were there, and nothing was left for them but to make the best of the situation. "Well," observed the pen through the layers of ink which corroded its once bright golden surface and mullled its voice, "how are 3-ou to-day?" "Pretty well, thank you," replied the blue pencil affably, it could afford to be affable, could this little stub of a pen cil, with its thick vein of blue crayon worn Miiootli at both ends. "And how arc you?" asked the pen of the shears. "I'm all right," replied tho shears with a snap, for the shears felt tho im portance of its position and was far from being humble. A largo portion of the paper was cut out with its sharp edges, and it felt witli some slight de gree of justice that it was indispensa ble. "Well," remarked tho pen, after these fraternal greetings had been ex changed. "I'm pretty well myself. I am a little overworked. That is all. I have had a rather hard week of it. I have been moulding public opinion, I have." "Not any more so than I," answered tho shears, witli pardonable vanity. "That Washington special which cre ated such a sensation yesterday was clone by me. I eut it out of a Hoston paper." If it hadn't been for mo I don't know what the paper would havo done." "1 think I had something to do with that special, nnself," interposed the mucilage, thickly, for the lirst time ob truding its voice. "I stuck the ex tracts together and put them into shape for the foreman of tho compos ing room." "For that matter," answered tho shears, with neat sarcasm, "the oflice boj- who carried tho copy to the copy box, the editor who saw it, and the man who wrote it for the ISoston paper might as well claim some share in the deed." "Why not, indeed?" retorted the mucilage. "So you think so?" answered the shears. "Well. I would like to know how they would ever have got their work into the paper had I not cut it out? "Fight it out between vou," inter rupted the pen. "That's" right, fight it out; hut 1 would like to know how your special would have looked if I had not written tho headlines, changed the date am! put in a few words credit ing the dUpatch to 'our own corre spondent." 1 tell you," went on the pen. lluidly, as was its wont, "it is I who make the paper. Haven't you ever heard that the 'pen is mightier than the sword?' Well, that includes shears and mucilage both." Against this indisputable argument there was nothing to bo said. They had been long enough in the newspa per business to know what logic was when they saw it. So after a long silence, unbroken save by the evapora tion of the water in the 'mucilage, the pen remarked, with a little petulant sigh: "I was not always employed in a newspaper oflice." "Ao? queried the shears, rather in credulously. "No. indeed! I have had a varied career. I was lirst bought by a young man who thought he was a poet." You ought to havo .-eon what I used to write for him." "I shouldn't like to." observed tho shears, sagely. "I see enough bail po .ctry in the exchange-." "I should say so.' added tho mucil age. "What do you knew about it?" re torted the shears. "You sec onlv ttho other side of what I cut out. You alwavs want to stick vourself for ward." At this rebuke the mucilage changed color, but before it could recover its voice the pen continued: "He couldn't make half a living. At .last he had to give it up. He is now a dry-goods merchant, and I understand he is getting rich. I was next owned by a young man who wrote comic stories for the weekly papers. He thought they wore funny, but I'll give you my word, they we're not. They .always affected noe to tears, and I often felt like a grave-digger's spade. I .to have some consideration for the feel lings of his pen. If he did." continued the pen, with rare and radiant wisdom, s"it would be better for him in manv caes. Alter standing this sort of thing until my points ached, he was .offered the position of live stock report er on a newspaper, and I was relieved of further misery. Next I was owned by a young novelist He used to write romances which often made his read ers weep. He had lived in many places and was old for his j-ears. When he wrote he put his own life into his pages. He expressed his own emo tions and told his own love story." "It was sad, was it?" asked the hears. "That depends upon the way you look at it She didn't marry him, and he always felt that his life was blighted, nd every story he wrote bore that im- pressioD. But I have no doubt that ho was just as well off t without her. I; have noticed," continued this wise little pen, "that most men are about as well off without their particular Her as, with Her. After a while he gavo me to a dramatist and I used to write plays that make me blush to this day to re call. He made more money than any of the previous owners. lie has made as mneli .is three thousand dollar nut of one absurd play filled with stuff and rubbish that I wouldn t like to repeat., That;wasiigei ago, "though, andl)iaye belonged to a newspaper writer for months and months. Since then I , have been doing great work. I have advised the President about his duties. I have dictated the policy of foreign governments. I have managed two campaigns and made and unmade many a public man. Yes," added the pen, spreading its nibs apart with pride, "I am great now. I ruu tho world." "You and I together," remarked the shears. "And I, too," observed the mucilage, tenaciously. "You?" retorted the pen and shears tenaciously. "You little bottle of gum. You are not to be mentioned in tho same connection as we." "I have some work to do to-day," said tho pen, after a pause, "I have to write an editorial ou tho 'Situation in Bulgaria.' " "And I havo a column special on tho 'Value of Republican Institutions' to cut out," added the shears. A few minutes later the owners of tho speakers came into the oflice and claimed their property. Late that night there lay on the desk of the managing editor a lvautifully written editorial on the Eastern question and a column of reprint descr.bing in glow ing terms the valuo uGPiir form of Government. "Ah! What's this?" remarked tho managing editor, as he grasped the blue pencil in his lingers. "Bulgaria? Rot! and down went the pencil through the pages from the title to the last line. "And what is this? Republicanism? Doesn't that fool of an exchange reader know that this is a Democratic paper? Rubbish!" and again the blue pencil traversed the paper smoothly but firmly until it looked like the face of a savage painted for the warpath. Then both articles fell into the waste basket, ami the blue pencil, with a sly wink and a littlo chuckle, remarked softly to itself: "I think, myself, that it is the blue pencil that moulds public opinion. I run the world." The mucilage bottle was revenged. Benjamin Xorthrop, in N. Y. (J raptic. CABLE TALK. What It Co-its to Send Me-naiies to the Dif ferent !':irtof tlie Glolx". Since, the laying of the first trans Atlautic cable in 185S, thu extension of a connected line of wires from this country to Kuropc, Asia, Africa, South America and Australia has been progressing with great rapidity, unt:l now there is an almost uninter rupted line of telegraphic communica tion extending around tho globe, and, but for a few thousand miles between this country and Australia, across the Pacific, completely girdling it. The constantly recurring frequency of ru mors to the effect that a trans-Pacilic lino is about to be laid gives promise that in the near future this will be ac complished. Ordinarily people havo no idea of the extent to which tele graph lines have been carried. They can not imagine that there is hardly a village of over ten thousand people in any part of the arts but what has its telegraphic station for thu receipt and transmission of messages. Neverthe less, such is the faoL That the revenue from such a tremuixlous systematized concern can not but ke Very large is eas ily understood when it is known that for messages to some parts of tin world from San Francisco a charge equal to over $10 per word is levied. From Washington to (2 real Britain, Ireland, France and Germany, to send a mes sage costs '2 cents for each word sent. To Alexandria in Kgypt it costs 70' cents per word; to nearly all places in South Africa, $!i.u7 per word, to Rio Janeiro in Brazil, :?2.8:l; to Callao in Peru, G.20; to Burmah in India, $2.22; to Ceylon, S1.G7; to Canton. Fonchow, Nankin, Ningpoo and Sooehow. in China, $2.8"; to Aniov. Hong Kong and Shanghai, $2.47: to Corea, .S.80; to all ports in Japiui, .;5.-10; toali seaports of Turkov, 62 cents; to Australia, $3.07; New Zea land, $3.32; the Canarv Islands, 76 cents h Austria, ,53 cents; Belgium, 18 cents; Bulgaria, .rG cents; Corsica. 51 cents: Denmark. .V2 cents; Gibraltar, GO cents; Greece. M cents; Holland, ."0 cents; Hungary, f2 cents: Italy 51 cents; Norway, 52 cenLs; Portugal, 57 cents; Russia in Europe, GO cents; Russia in Caucasus, G7 cents; Sicily, 51 cents; SpaiNt 58 cents; Sweden, 56 cents; Switzerland, 48 cents; the Madeira Islands, 80 cents; the Philippine Islands. $2.87. The maximum length of a chagre ble word is fixed at ten letters. Should a word contain more than ten, every ten or fraction of ten letters is counted as a word. Groups of figures or letters are counted at the rate of three figures or letters to a word, plus one word for any excess. Code messages must be composed of words selected from tho English. French, German, Spanish, Italian, Dutch. Portuguese and Latin languages. No cipher messages are allowed in Servia, Roumania, Monte negro, Herzegovina, Bulgaria and Bosnia. Telegrams directed to bo mailed from any telegraph oflice in China to towns or cities in that country must have an additional charge of thirty-seven cents for postage. Albany Argus. SEA SICKNESS. Aurahum Lincoln'-, Opinion of a Popular Itemeity for It Cure. Though there are many remedies, so called, for sea-sickness, yet meA-al science, wo believe, refuses to put forth any of them either as preventives or as cures. Prominent among the remedies which keep their promise neither to tho ear nor to the hope, are wine and spirits. An anecdote of President Lin coln, related in the Century, shows that he knew the uselessness of these remedies. When he visited General Grant at City Point, in 1864, he was met on his arrival by the General and his staff. When asked how he was, the President replied: "I am not feeling very welL I got pretty badly shaken up on the bay coming down, and am not altogether over it yeL" "Let me send for a bottle of cham pagne for you, Mr. President," said a staff-ofliccr; "that is the best remedy I know of for sea-sickness." "No, no, my young friend," replied the President; "I've een many a man in my time sea-sick ashore from drink ing that very article." rhat was the hist t me any one screwed up sufficient courage to offer him wine. Youth's Companion. m A young lady in Columbus, Ga., has a pet pigeon that is very fond of music When bhe wants it she goes in the parlor and commences playing the piano, and no matter where the pigeon is it will start immediately for the par lor and perch itself on the piano, show ing unmistakable signs of pleasure. SILVER AND GOLD. The Costly Dishes from Which Fashion Cats it Chops and l'otatoc. The common usage anioug wealthy persons of giving elaborate dinners has brought about many changes and many improvements in table-ware and tho decoration of the table. The change has been in the direction of increased richness of effect, andds marked by the substitution of massive silverware for the decorated china and porcelain whichvtls popular for several years. The fa-h"on of g ving heavv dinner parties -venis to hae been copied lrom the English, and the pre-iiiling.?t Ic3 of . -tl V.. -.1 .-.. - . .I. -1.1 Biaw.naiu aj mso copies oi me um English models. Japanese work, ham mered work and other stvles have had their day. and fashionable silversmiths - now manufacture only imitations of the old Quee'i Anne oriluted ware, and the repousse flower and leaf patterns of Kngl sh and .sometimes French design. Often the fluted and ropousso styles are comb. nod. a plan which gives a very handsome effect The old O'lergnes carrying soveral dishes, to bo tilled with fruit and flow ers, ami which obstructed the view across the table, are entirely Out of use. Candelabra with spreading branches take the'r place. These bear while wax candles fitted with small red shade;, which, by an ingenious device, descend as the caudles burn down. A well-litte-l table has two candelabra and four small candlcst-cks, each carrying a sin gle caudle. In the center of tho table i a low silver dish resting on a plateau and intended for flowers. At tho four corners are four comports for bon-bons, and beyond these, at each end, a larger comport for fruit. Ail are covered with n- hi -chased repousse work, that on the comports being composed of vines and g tapes, rd'eved. perhaps, by pierced work. The fluted ware is sim pler, but not so rich. The oinsencv. of the imitat:ou of tho old ware m:i be seen by comparison with a teapot at a John-street jeweler s. It was made in Edinburg in 1717, nine yiais atler the introduction of teas into Great Britain. Its age is determined by iiie hall mark. It is repousse wink, but of a kind far inferior to the work now thine in America. The :irt of working in silver in this country is much in advance of that in Europe. There is now on exhibition at Tiffany's a pitcher in repousse work of marvel ous finish. It is valued at five hundred dollars, and it would not be possible to make another like it in Europe. The tendency of silver tableware has been to smallness and compactness, and this has atlecled the size of tho smaller ware. The butter-plate?, salt cellars and pepper-pots are very dimin utive, ami as a rule they are decorated in tho same manner as the larger p eces although there are many odd and strik ing des gns. A new stylo of salt-cellars is made in the form of a diminu tive stew-pan. Others imitate shells, leaves, fruits and flowers. A silver cigar-lighter to be passed around after dinner, resembles an antique lamp. It has a handle at one end and at the other a wick which burns and sucks up alcohol from the bowl. Pepper-pots conn- as mushrooms; salt-cellars, straw berries and acorns, and tho only limit is the imagination of the designer. A loading house has a specialty in the use of the Indian chrysanthemum as applied to silverware. It has a very solid and ornamental effect. They al so manufacture sets of Indian cofl'ee suoons, like the apostle spoons of old times. The tops of the handles aro hammered out into shapes that repre sent Indians going through their vari ous dances. The work is very delicate and the ornamentation on handles and bowls is coined from wigwam decora- lion. Jitese spoons are inclosed in boxes covered with deerskin untainted. Other Indan bon-bon spoons have the figures in bas-relief and richly colored with enamel. Tliests designs are dis tinctively American. In France the teacups are sometimes of silver, but this fashion is not favored here, as the metal heats too easily. Occasionally s'lver is used for cofl'eo cups, and when decorated like the Niello or Tuba ware, with black and red inserted metal, has a pretty efl'ect; but as a rule tiny cups of richly deco- rated porcelain for coffeu form a part i of tite regular dinner sol. An attempt was made to introduce the French stIe but it was not successful except for cups. The .substitution and use of silver has been cart oil so far that there aro silver table brushes and crumb pans, silver tongs fur lifting asparagus, silver fish knives and forks .smaller than those used ordiuardy, small silver butter knives for the separate use of each guest, 'lver call bells, silver toastin" and pickle forks, silver bon-bon sots, ami indeed all wood and metal used at the table -and even in France has been supplanted by silver. It is casily kept in good condition ami readily re paired, a good quality which fine china does not posses. The custom of making tea at the table has been newly introduced from London, and the silversmiths have tried their hands at making very elaborate t a caddies. The majority are in old English repousse work. The lid is generally used to measure tho amount of tea to bo used. Fruit plates and salvers in etched silver are an expen sive novelty-. The plate is covered with varnish, on which the artist etches an original design. It is then exposed to the action of acid, which cats into the s ilver only where the varnish has boon scratched away. The result is that the drawing is reproduced in tho most elaborate manner, and retains the full spirit of the original. Some of , the designs are of sporting and hunt- j ing scenes, and tho drawings are clevtr. In making repousse work the design is ; lirst snarled out roughly from tho in- i terior. which is then filled with cement, j The chaser then finishes the design from the outs do. Gold services are very rare, nlthontrh they are very sorvicable. as they do not ! tarnish. Mrs. Catherine Astor has a ! gout service, ami me iasiuonaoic jew elers say tiov know of other persons who have them, but they decline to ;vt names, as it would be an adver t'scment to thieves. Persons who fancy the gold color e silver gilt, which, when heavily plated, wears well and looks well on a snowy white table cloth. There is something too royal about a gold service to suit most Americans, and perhaps it security would be the cause of too much anx iety. The larger pieces of a silver ser vice in repousse work cost from ono thousand dollars a set ufkward, and a gold ervice would cost fully sixteen times as much. Such a sen-ice is not kept in stock am where in tlr.s country and would only be made to order. X. Y. Cor. Cleveland Leader. m Not Frightened. A little four-year-old girl was put to bed in the third story of her home, and left, as usual, in the dark. A terrific thunder storm came up, and her mother, thinking the child would be frightened at the lightning, went to her. On entering the child called out with del ght: "Mamma! the wind blew the sun up Just now; did you see it?" Fear had no entrance there. Detroit Free Press. A Nevada prospector, digging in a hole inado by some squirrels, in which to bury tlieir"winter food, found a gold ledge which he soon afterward sold for thirty-fivo thousand dollars. -Chicago Herald. THE LAMP. Origin ami Change of the Popular I7oas Hold Ornament. Lamps, derived from the Latin lamp us, has been defined, until within a few years, as a receptacle for oil with a wick for illumination; but the men tions of the past generation have made it impossible to distinguish between the lamp proper and any other artificial means of giving light. As used by the Egyptians, Greeks and Hebrews, lamps were simple flat vessels, round or ob long in shape, at one end of which was a small handle, at the other a nozvde, and with a larger opening in the center. into which the oil was poured. The oil commonly used was vegetable, but, ac cording to Pliny, sometimes of liquid bitumen. These lamps, manv of very elegant form and ornamented with fan ciful designs, were lung by cha ns to bronze candelabra. 'larontum and iEgina wore especially famed for mak ing them of great excellence. Among the Canadian French tho same low, oval metallic vessels, fur nished as in earlv days with a handle at one end and a nozzle at the other, may still be seen. Some are made to be carried in the hand, while others are suspended by chains in the middle of the room. The Hebrews kept the'r lamps burning all n ght. and th s cus tom is still in vogue in Aleppo and Egypt. From the earliest times until within about a century tho lamp re mained much the same, consisting sim ply of oil and a wick in some kind of a vessel. A complete revolut on in artificial light was caused by the inven tion by M. Ami Argand. in 1781. of a burner with a circular w.ck. The flame was thus supplied with an outer und inner current of air. Argand was also tho inventor of the glass chimney, as applied to his and other lamps. Tho so-called astral lamps were provided with these circular wicks, the reservoir for the oil being arranged in the form of a hollow ring, envelop ng the central stand that supported the burner. In consequence of the peculiar shape given to the ring the lamp casts no shadow at a little distance off An ingenious piece of clock-work machinery was de vised by Carcel, in 1800 for pumping l the o.l from the reservoir at tho foot of the lamp up to the burner, and thus supplying it always from the same point. This lamp, slightly improved by others, was. in many respects, the must perfect of these contrivances, but its great cost preveuted its general adoption. It was. furthermore, so large and heavy, that it could be moved only with difficulty, and the very com plicated nature of its mechanism re quired access to skilled workmen to keep it in repair. A modification of the Carcel lamp, known as the Diacon, was long popular in this country. In 1787 Peter Kcir made the great invention s'lice fully developed by Aronson of raising the supply of oil by means of another fluid with specific gravity greater than oil. This .fluid was generally a mixture of salt and water. The "automaton" invented by Porter in 1801 was very ingenious. The lamp was suspended on an axis, counter balanced by a weight, so that it hung level when full, but at an angle of forty-live degrees when empty, thus being fed evenly by the gradual" ascent of the burners. In 1822 Samuel Parker, Jr., made an important improvement, the fixing of French chimneys upon burners bv ! means of metal support. Tho difficulty of distinguishing be tween the countless inventions relat ye j to lamps and tho-e referring to general illumination does not appear great i prior to 1865, when the production of I petroleum greatly stimulated the study of practical methods of generating , light. I It is remarkable that the invention of Hero of Alexandria, in which the oil was raised fly water, involves the pres sure principle, siuce developed in I nearly a hundred forms. It is adapted to any- kind of inflammable fluid, and while burning may be rolled on tho i ground, upset, or reversed for any time without danger. It is interesting to note that the most important recent inventions in lamps are chiefly Amer ' ican. A full description of them all would occupy volumes; but it is safe to say that no other household article lias undorgono so many and such markotl changes in tho past century as tho lamp. Boston Globe. THE SEWAGE SYSTEM. Why the Sanitary Kiiglneer Will Figtinn Far Slurp In the Future. With the growth of modern cities conies up the quescion, what to do with the tilth and waste. Some years ago London, to save tho Thames from pollution, built a system of tunnels to convey the sewage to a distance, but the city has grown so lately that new works are indispensablo, and new tun- . nels are projected to cost $22,000,000, but it will convey the waste of the city only fifteen miles. A still bolder project is to construct works costing $500,000,000, which will convey thu filth rigid! across the country and empty it into the sea at Thames Haven. i Madrid. Rome, New York, Boston, Philadelphia and San Francisco, are all engaged on the same problem tho disposal of sewage and the protection ' of the water supply. But in every one ' of these cities expert engineering talent i is being employed in a thorough study ' of the conditions I efore plans are for mulated or the expenditure of money authorized. Chicago is wrestling with the same problem, and one of tho argu ments for the construction of an art licial river running south-west is that it will drain Chicago of its filth. The growth of cities in these times is phenomenal. Population gravitates to the centers, ami hence the pressing necessity for some means of getting rid of the cities' waste. It is now set tled beyond all peradventurc. that typhus "fever, diphtheria scarlet fover, small-pox, many of the disorders called malarial in fact, more than half tho diseases people die of, come directly from the foul conditions in which tho people in cities are forced to live. Tho sanitary engineer will figure far more in the future than he has in tho past. DemorcsVs MontlUy. The Burmese Prime Minister. The Kin Woongyeo is the Prime Min ister of Burmah, and he is otherwise called the Kin Woon Mingyee. He is much more than Premier, for. when the disturbance arose some years ago, he got himself raised to the august rank of Thavat Woongyeo Thet Tau Shay. The meaning of this ponderous title is, in plain language, that the bearer of it is Marshal of the Army; that he is infalli ble, and that the King has no power over his life nor the means of doing him harm. The Burmese Stato Coun cil consists of twelve Ministers, who are of three rauks, to-wit: Four Woong yees or Mingyees, as they are indiffer ently called; four Atwin" Woons. and four Woondoukst In addition to these one or two Generals may be taken into the Council. In ordinary meetings the rank is indicated by the" height of the seats or cushions on which the Minis ters sit, the elevation of a seat being in Burmah a sign of honor. Brooklyn Eagle, The tidal wave of capital is stead ily flowing into Arizona, and in a few years that Territory will rank among the leading breeding grounds for cat tle, excelled by but few States and Ter ritories in America. Chicago Timet A METAMORPHOSIS. Dow to Make a Young Wife of an Old Mnl.l. The following true story might per haps film sh matter for a little comedy. , It is generally the case that tho more beautiful and richer a young girl is the more diflicult are both her parents and herself in the choice of a husband, and the more offers they refus. The ozm Is too tall, tho other too short, this not wealth7, that not respectable enough. Meanwhile one spring passes after, an other, and vear after ar e:.rrjjS away leaf after leaf of the bloom of youth, and opportunity after' opportunity.1' Miss Harriet Selwood was the richest heiress in her native town in Shire, England: but she had already com pleted her twenty-seventh year, and beheld almost all her young friends united to men whom she had at one time or other discarded. Harriet began to be set down for an old maid. Her farents became really uneasy, and she terself lamented in privato a position which is not a natural one. and to which those to whom nature and for tune have been niggardly of the r gifts are obliged to subui t; but Harriet, as we have said, was both handsome, and very rich. Such was the state of things when her uncle, a wealthy merchant in the north of England, came on a visit to Iter parents. He was a jovial, lively, straightfonva-d man. accustomed to attack all dill., allies boldlv and coollv. "You see." : day. "Harr i girl is hands for her fortune scandal loving i !.t v f .'her to him one ei hi-, single. The :c what she is to have itt know: even in this Iiavii, not a creature can breathe the against her; and slightest imputation ct she U getting to be an old maid." "True." replied the uncle; "but, look you, brother, the grand po'nt m overy af'a'r in this world is to so zo the right moment: this you havo not done it is a misfortune: but lot the girl go along with me. and before the end of three months 1 will return her to you as the wife of a man as young and wealthy as herself." Away went the niece w th the uncle. On the way home he thus addressed her: "Mind what I am go ng to say. You are r.o longer Miss Selwood, but Mrs. Lum lev. lm niece, a young, ealthy,.ehild less widow; y ou had the misfortune to lose your husband, Colonel Lumley, after a happy union of a quarter of a year, by a fall from his horse while hunting." "But, uncle" "Let me manage, if you please. Mrs. Lumley. Your father has invested mo with full powers. Here, look you. is the wedding r'ng given you by your lato husband. Jewels, and whatever else you need, your aunt will supply you with; and accustom yourself to cast down your eyes." The keen-witted uncle introduced his nieco everywhere, and the young widow excited a great sensation. The gentlemen thronged about her, and she soon had Iter choice out of twenty suitors. Her uncle ad vised her to take the one who was the deepest in love with her, and a rare chance decreed that this should be pre cisely the most amiable and opulent. The match was soon concluded, and one day the uncle desired to say a few words to h s future nephew in private. "My dear sir," he began, "we have told you an untruth." "How so? Are Mrs." Lumley's affections " "Noth ing of the kind. My niece is sincerely attached to you." '"Then her fortune, I suppose, is not equaJ to what you told me?" "On tho contrary, it is larger." "Well, what is the "matter, then?" "A joke, an innocent joke. which came into my head one day when 1 was in a good humor we could not well recall it afterward. My niece is not a widow." "What! is Colonel Lumley living?" "No, no she is a spinster." The lover pro tested that he was a happier follow than he had conceived himself; and the old maid was forthwith metamorphosed into a young wife. Till Hits. PURGED OF CONTEMPT. A Teutonic Huteher Who Will Kmploy Le gal Talent Hereafter. Henri Lit, a Gorman butcher in Central Mississippi, was recently in dicted by the Grand Jury of his county for "profane swearing upon the public highway in the presuneo of two or more witnesses." It seems that he was driving a lot of cattle and they became unruly and took to the woods, and it was" while he was trying to get them back into thu road that he lost his temper and gave ulterancu to a lot of "cuss words." When the ease came on for trial he appeared as his own counsel and ad mitted that he hail used the oaths as charged, but justified himself on the score that the cattle were h sown prop erty, and argued that "if he had the right to kill them he coitainly had tin right to curse them." But his Honor didn't look at it in that light; and. after repriiuaiid'ng luin severely, fined h m one dollar and costs in all about live dollars. "I von't bay it." sa.d Henri. ' "Mr. Clerk"" said h s Honor, "enter up a tine of five doliars aga'nst Un accused for contempt of court, and Mr. Sheriff remand the prisoner to ja 1 un til the line and costs in both cases are paid." "Shndge, I appeals tier gase to tier Subroine Gourt Dis ish a dickensofor gouri ami guild ry vol doiui led a man cuss his own gattlcs." "Mr. Clerk, enter up another fine or live dollars against the accused fur con tempt of court." again said his Honor. By that time the Sheriff had got Henri out of the court room and a dep uty was taking him to jail. The Judge sent word to him the next morning that ":f he would purge h in self of contempt he would remit all the lines except the original ono." Henri agreed to the proposition, and after some instructions from the sher iff, who told him he had made a mis take in not employ ing alawer, pre sented It mself at the bar of the court. "Shudge." sa.d he. "I take tint ali back. D s is a good gourt. und a L'ood goundry, und dor uex' d me I shwear mit dem gattle I ba a lawyer to do der peeznis." Detroit Free 1'ress. Drying the Zuyder Zee. It seems that the project of dry-in" up the huge Zuyder Zee is aga'n beintr urged with some vehemence. A "State Social st" argument is now freely used: it is said that the gigant c task will liird employment for the Dutch working class population for many ears, among whom social democracy is increas ng. The provinces of Utrecht. (Jelderland and (ironingen. and most of the mu nicipalities whose cities and towns he upon the sea have given their adhesion to the scheme, and have empowered a commission of experts to report upon the probable cost. On the other hand a few of the towns, including Monni kendam and others, protest earnestly against the scheme, since .ts execution must iiifall bly convert them into truly "dead et os." If the sea should ultf mately be turned into dry land, the kingdom of Midland w II be enlarged by the actpiisit on of a now province twice the size of the province of Utrecht. The new country has been already provided by anticipation with the namo of "Wiflemsland." JV. T. lst. Pennsylvania coal (anthracite) ia sold in tfte city of Mexico at twenty-five dollars a ton. PERSONAL AND IMPERSONAL. Patti's spare moments are being devotctl to tho writing of her memoirs. G. A. Sheldon, of Randolph. N. Y.. has a fancy for old carriages, ami has invested twenty thousand dollars in them. Troy Times. , A marriaje ceremony was lately performed on an iceberg in the At lantic Ocean, the contracting parties Deing . sternum clergyman and an EDgiishtgh;L, y & A woman in Louisville dropped a handful of nickels into a'streetcar cash bdx last' week; in the be! ef-that it was a receptacle for missionary contribu tions. Louisville Courier-Journal. Old Uncle Peter, who died in Clarke County; Georgia, tho other day, had lived with one--family for sixty-one years. Although emancipated, he lived with his old master until the lattcr's death. An Englishman named McDonald has remained in Ludlow street fail in New York -for seven years for a con tempt of court He might have purged himself at any time, but he stubbornly refuses to go "of his ovyn motion. .V. l". Tribune. The worltl has been taught to 'be lieve that the Sandwich Islanders killed Captain Cook w.th a club. This tradi t ou has been exploded by cx-Mlnistcr Daggett, who says tho great circum navigator whs stabbed to death with a wooden dagger. Uhicuqo Herald. Thomas James (colored), residing near Gainesville. Fla. has a family of lifty-four children, thirty-three of them being now at homo with their father. He has had three wives, and the three were all liviug at one time. Only ono of the threo is now living, and she claims nineteen of the children. Chicago Tribune, Benjamin Fish has resigned the position of Secretary of Baruum's cir cus, which he has held for five years, and will return to Southport, England, where, his family resides. He is a rela tive of Mrs. P. T. Barn urn. and is a man of wealth. Mr. Barnum says he has handled ton m:Il on dollars without having made a s-nglu error as far as is known. Xeiv Haven Jieaister. r.stoeratieMurrav Hill. New York. f s ('tis story: f'e t jcasion of the Miss Cowling, on Van Gilder wed- d g. gae the brde a beautiful vase, which chanted to be just like another recu veil from another source. In a fit of economy, one da; Mrs. Van Gilder sold this vase, without giving the donor's name, to a friend. Mrs. Hol land, from whom she exacted a promise never to tell. Recently M:ss Cowling was married, and she was not a little surprised to find her present to Mrs. Van G lder returned to her as a pres ent from Mrs. Holland. The throe lathes are now strangers to each other. A'. '. Mail. The Atlanta Constitution, in a chap ter on "old maids," pavs this tribute to one of the class: "One of tho fair est girls of Baldwin County, the first born and the pet, lost her "father when she was in her sixteenth year. She was eugaged to a worthy young man, who urged her to marry him in order that he m ght protect her. No,' she replied, 'mother needs me now.' Tho mother's life proved a wreck through gr.ef over her husband's death. Our heroine removed the family to Savan nah, procured employment, educated and maintained her four little sisters, saw them happily married, and kept her mother absolutely removed from care and trouble. She is now, indeed, an old maid, but her old maidenhood is a crown which will shine with splen dor throughout all eternity. "A LITTLE NONSENSE." What's the diU'cronee between a woman's sphere and a woman's fear? One's a house, the other's a mouse. N. 1'. Journal. The war for the Union developed many heroes; but the bravest man this country has produced only came to the front this mouth. He abducted a Bos ton school-marm! S'orristown Her ald. "Mamma," said a little girl, "I think I will soon begin to raise a mus tache." "Impossible." replied the mother; "girls can not raise a mus tache." "Yes. they can, for 1 saw Annie raise cousin Charlie's mustache when she kissed him. and that's how I mean." Carl Pretzel's Weekly. A Western lecturer advertised "a talk for ladies over twenty-five years of age. fifteen minutes after the time advert'sed for the opening of the lec ture the lights were turned down, the janitor collected the rent, and the lecturer walked to bis hotel, a sadder but a wiser man. Burlington Fret Press. A little fellow of four years went to a blacksmith's to see his father's horse shod, and was watching closely the work of shoeing. Tho blacksmith began to pare the liorso's hoofs, and thinking this was wrong, the little boy said, earnestly: "My pa don't want his horse made any smaller." N. Y. Ledger. The following compliment was lately paid by a Boston dentist to a lady. He had made several ineffectual attempts to draw out her decayed tooth, and finding at last that he must give it up, he apologized, by saying: "The fact is, madam, it s impossible for any thing bad to come out of your mouth." Boston Transcript. A cowboy married an actress be longing to a strolling theatrical com pany. In a short time a traveling drummer ran away with her. When the deserted husband heard of it, his brow grew dark, and, convulsively clutching his revolver, he hissed: "I'll kill the scoundrel on sight if ho ever brings her back!" Chicago Tribune. A philosopher who had borrowed some money to pay for hia night's lodging at a hotel, woke up in the night and saw a person climbing through the window. With admirable nonchalance he said to the intruder: "Look here, my friend, you'll get into debt if you rob me. for you won't find any thing but unreceipted tailors' bills in my pocket-." A. Y. Sun. Ante-Persian-Invasion Remains. The Berliner Philologische Wbchen- schrift reports a very interesting dis covery at Eleusis. Some years ago, as is well known, the remains of a great assembly hall, supposed to be used in the ceremony of initiation into th Eleusinian mysteries, were laid bare. The assembly hall was supported by forty-two columns, and was planned by Iktinos. the architect of the Parthenon. There was always the presumption that it was erected on the ruins of an old temple destroyed by the Persians. This presumption has now become a certainty. Digging deep down below the foundation of the Iktinos temple, the excavators have come upon the re mains of a square builmng. undoubtedly the older sanctuary. It fits exactly into the northeast angle of the temple of Iktinos, so that a part of the north and east walls of the earlier and later buildings are precisely coincident It is the intention of the Government, for the better preservation of these most valuable ante-Persian-invasion remains, to fill in the excavations again, but in such a manner as to leave the upper part of the ancient structure just visible. General Butler has secured the service of several good readers, who are placed on little platforms in differ ent parts of his mills and read to th operatives as they work. Lowttl OHi UH. SUGAR CATHARTIC COATED CURE Headache, Nausea, Dizziness, and Drowsi ness. They stimulate the Stomach. Liver, and Bowels, to healthy action. assiit diges tion, and increase the appetite. They combine cathartic, diuretic and tonic properties of the greatest value, are a purely vegetable compound, and may ho taken with perfect safety, either by chil dren or adults. E. L. Thomas, Framini; ham, Mass., writes: "For a number of years I was subject to violent Headaches, arising from a disordered condition of tho stomach and bowels. About a year ago I commenced the uso of Ayer's Pills, and have not had a headacho since." W. V. Hannah, Gormley P. O., York Co., Out., writes: "I havo Used Aver's Pills for tho last thirty years, and can safely say that I have never found their equal as a cathartic medicine. I am never without theni in my house." C. D. Moore, Elgin, 111., writes: "Indigestion, Headache, and Loss of Appetite, had so weakened and debili tated my system, that I was obliged to givo up work. After being under tho doctor's care for two weeks, without getting any relief, I began taking Ayer's Pills. My appetite and strength returned, and I was soon enabled to resume my work, in per fect health." Ayer's Pills, PKEPAUED IJY Dr. J. C. Ayer & Co., Lowell, Mass. Sold by all Druggists. COAL LIME! J. E. NORTH & CO. DEAI.KICS IX Coal, Lime, Hair, Cament. Rock Spin; tTo;iI nJ.IH) Carbon (Wyoming) I'onl li.UO Eldon (Iowa) I'oai l.ill) I'lT ton Blacksmith Coal of best quality al ways on hand at low est prices. North Side Eleventh St.. COLUMBUS. i i-::m NEB. LOUIS SCIIREIBEK, lit All kinds or Renin! in Short Notice. HiigjrFt' done on Wajr- ons, etc., made to onlor, and nil work Guar anteed. Also sell the world-famous Walter A Wood Mowers, Reapers, Combin ed Machines, Harvesters, and Self-hinders the best made. BTShop opposite the "Tattiisiill.'' on Ollvo St., COLl'MUI S. Jt.-m Denver to Chicago, nanuar Vino'ia tfi ' 1enver lO IVUnSdS VIIJ, t Denver to Omaha. Omaha to Chicago, Kansas City to Chicago, Omaha to St. Louis, BEST LINE PROM WEST TO EAST! SURE CONNECTIONS LOW RATES BAGGAGE CHECKED THROUGH. Through tickets over tho Burling- ton Route aro for salo by tho Union Pacific. Denver &, Rio Crando and all other principal railways, and by all agents of tho "Burlington Route." For further information, apply to any agent, or to P. S. EUSTIS.Gcn'lT'k'tAK-t. OMAHA. XEB. TYevsspapeRtM book of 100 nncci. , The bv-Jt book for an advertiser to con snlt, be he exper ienced or otherwida. flpVERTlSINQ It coiitaiim lists' of tie wjpapers and estimates ofthecostofadvertlslnif.TheadvertNerwho wants to spend one dollar, nmis in time in formation he requires, while forluiii who will Invert one hundred thousand dollars in ad vertising; a scheme is indicated which will meet his every requirement, or can be made to do to by slight changes easily arrival ul by cor, rttpondenee. 119 editions have bocn issued. Sent, post-paid, to any address for 10 cents. Write to GKO. 1. KOWELI. A CO., NEW8PAPE1S ADVERTISING I1UKKAU. UOSpraccSt.frluUugllouieSa.), New York. BlffiiiiiittWsMiikei nmtiS i UNION PACIFIC " -g- j) SABfX. C. SMITH. Aj't. M fioieral Eeai Eslale Deale IF. 7! leive - fortre ni i 1-iirtii i, r .salt; , i,iM urisi.it jk.I ..T.ii,,;- tin i r aero. ei 'f tinnrovod i r.uiii). roved , flwBJ to Vi L7rS;.'i-i ii' dl'kitii ; iii till . w. Ol'tffHY. i:if 2-fr ' If .::! :tM Iae.U - !i t. t ill lim! it III lit my 'Ml lit tits. to th i'tr l-its: !; ! I lie. Mon. !. l:..i .ir F. II. ;ui.ti M it t i ti lit I III III N'i-Iii ik t. !iii:i .i, PEES LASTD! - rut: FAHMKiJS & SIWKMKN .lu-t Hi.- Ni I-hitie f.i t-Ui l.'iv r. lm on thu The Country is Wonderfully Productive. Ciif.-ip Lands fisrsnle in flu virinifv of the liiel lowi: of Sterling. Grand Openings for all kinds of Busi ness. Present p-iuulation ol Town 500. UtfSi'tnl Tori ir.-nl.ir-. PACKARD &KI KG. ;t 'lit -. w i lit i i... i!.-i.k!.. 2S-V ESTABLISHtD IN I860. raiF. WASHINGTON, I. f. D.illv. except -Sin,,) 1V. 3 i-:ir in .-ttH.ii . ,-. I'ri ee, s li ht -l.t I r.-i-. fill. WEEKLY iTIIIiU MICH. Ii---tt-iI In '! ":i : .1 n - .Itn! cium it tualti-r olttaitu-it :rnT, t!i !! utuu-iit of Agriculture 'lint otln-r i lie Government, rel.tttr I ei:irtnit-llts of ; to the firming anil pl.illtliiL- interests. An Ailvoc.ite et UcpliMic.iU principles, ieicitii; f.-arlts 1 anil t.nrly tlir acts i I t iii!rre-ami lie- Vattoltil Attiuints. t ration Price, ! "' per y .u in .nivalin, postage tree. K. W. FOX. L'ri'stilent .mil Mun-i.-r. The National Rki'Uismcan- anil the Com Mi-.rs Journal, l year, y.."o. :jj-x Cures Guaranteed! DR. WARNS SPECIFIC No. 1. A ertatn tire for Ntrwus Dulitlity, Sciiiin il Weakiie-s, lt.tIuut.try Kint sio;i. Spermatorrhea, ami all iliseases of the m-nito-nrinary or-an .ilntse ur o er indulgence. Pi it e, $1 no per hox, si' i utsetl ly self. l.ne$r.l)l. DR. WARN'S SPECIFIC No. 2. For Kpileptie Fit-. i ntal Anvietr, I.usk nt .Memory, Sofleniiie o the l.r.niti, .mil all those diseases of On. hr.iui. Prise Jl.no per Imx, mx hexes .fi.ixi DR. "WARNS SPECIFIC No. 3. For Impotence, Sterilitj in either n-x. Los-, of Power, pieuialtire olil a-;e. anil all tho-e ilteacs rct-uii iie; -i Ihnriiuh in vioratit.-; of the setit.tl organs. Price J.tM) per box, hix boxes $10.00. DR. "WARN'S SPECIFIC No. 4. For Headache. Nerniis Ni ii..I:ria, and all acute tli-i a-es of the ttervi Us stMetil. Price ."iOc per box, six box ft -'.-. DR. 'WARN'S SPECIFIC No. 5. For all tliseates e.iu-eil Iy the over-Use of tol.acei) or liijuor This feineily i par t:ci:Iatl eincaeiniis in .ivertinj; p'iN anil delirium tremens. Price $.tti pe. 'tiv, i lioxes $.'.M). We Guarantee a Cure, or a-ree to re Itintl tlouhle the m tie paid. ( 'eililirate in each lio.X. This Lllar. inter apptic- to urhof our live spu-itu-. Sent l matt loanv Mitre , secure from oli-i r-. itiou, mi receipt ot price. l!e careful to i:i. nt ion the number ot 'specilic vv.tntei!. Our .-pecilics are onlv recommended for -p. -eilie disease-, ileware of reineille-t ir-r-mtcd to cure all the-t dt-e.-ises v Hit ! medieit.e. To avoid eotlnti rf-tt- anil al v. av s si cure tne genuine, ortli r onlv lrom IMMV'I'Y v -iii:vv, di:u;;ists. di.mlitt-, N h. 1!-1 Health is Wealth! Dr K. C. West's Nehvk akd Urain Tke.t Kest, n cu-inintoed specific fur Hysteria. Dizzi ncsB, Convulsions. 1'ita. Nervous. curaleia. I llcauaclip. KervotM Prop trntion enured hy thuiiwi I Df alcohol ortolmcco. Wnkrftilnws, Menta) Vn, pre8ioii. Hofto.iin of tlio ifiam rc&uujri(inin- Mnity nnd lending to misery. (t"cny aitfl Ucntn, ireiimturo OMAk. HnrrcnrH. Lops of power in either Bor. Involuntary I.osvn und f-"pcrtniit- orrheca caused byover-esertio-i or tl.tiuratn.Beii abusoor over-indulgence. l.ar!i box coi-tima ono month's treatment. SlXOri bos. or hi x boxes for$54u.bcntbyinad prepatdou receipt of prico. XVE GUAKAXTEB KIX BOXCS To enro any case. With each onlor received byni for six boxeB, accoxnpumi tl vrtth Ji(". wo will eond tho purchaser oar written Kuarantf"0 'crro fnndtho money if tho treatmentdocacotelict cure. Guarantees ituedorIyby JOHN O. WEST & CO., 862 W. MADISON ST., CHICAGO, ILLS., Hole Prop's West's Livw Tills. in irent send u- -1 i-i jiri;a aicvj. nt postage, vou will j;et lare value, that will at ler than altv- jjv ami iv iii.it i fri'P i paeKaire Of L'OCds ot . ,( it , lit kf'.i I , mi r, ,, ..t! on,.t. ,,rillir V0I1I 1MOn,.v ,a thins; else in Americ. .ill iboui the ?-JiH,'Wn tit pre-ent- vvit'i t it-h box. Agents vvat.ti d evervwh. re. of either sei, of all at;e-it for all the ttitii ,or spare time only, to work tor - .t their own homes. Fortune-, for all workers ah holutely a-isurcd. Don't diiiv. 11. Hal LKTT ,fc"Co.. Portland. 2tlu.ru .' S50D REWARD! VTEwUlrTOi!xrrTwrJ trt r.,j cxt'f Urir ComIilrtf r7tptptU,&ukHttlch,lDlitfMti0a,C'nit:;-tjoaorCotivaM vecunotenr. with Wett'l VrUM Liver -MIi. wLa Xh ilrtc Iknitrt erktly eora;IUd with. TUy i- yiitlf ytgttabU. uJ Btvtrfc!! to ctv ucufftctton. Bojir t-o.S. Lk-x, toirt.roa UiMcgS) pil!i,UnaU. Fr m-' by til dnrcUu. Dawwcol tasstr rfIU aaj lniuUou. Th. fsuls msuhcturtd onlf bf JOHN C. WEST CO., 131 Jt IJ W. Jrfj.tt.oo St. Chko. tne Ulki pch(, mbi tx suU prrpaldi rciptef 3 uatlUBigk WIN more money thar. at anything; eNe by takini; an asjency for the bet sellins; book out. He- srinner.s succeed grandly. None fcil. Terms free. Hallktt Hook t o., Port land, ilaine. t-82-y Jltvl- I BRAXXii 1 PJIMI:-3Jf n EAT M Ef? M)d iiofl