Nebraska Newspapers

    ... -M-v
Coincident TkMgkts.
We noticed recently a newspaper ar
ticle that questioned Lincoln's title to the
now familiar phrase from his famous
Gettysburg speech, describing our
Government as a "Government of the
people, by the people, for the people."
The article was a piece of hypercriti
cism. And, curiously enough, the criti
cism itself lacked originality. For Bart
lett, in his famous "Familiar Quota
tions," had 3'ears before noticed the
similarity of the phrase to expressions
used by Webster and Parker in
speeches delivered bv them respectively
in 1830 and 1850. Lincoln's title is not
shaken tlercby. He gave the idea and
expression a place and setting which
made it famous. Emerson somewhere
says "our best thoughts are borrowed
from others," and Tie also says that
"thought is the property of him who can
entertaiu it, and of him who can ade
quately place it" Lincoln so enter
tained and placed this thought as to
make it his property. He gave it its force
and currency.
Literature abounds in such coinci
dences. Any one curious in such mat
ters can readily satisfy their curiosity
by reference to any good book of "quo
tions." We call attention to several
not heretofore noticed, so far as we
know. Grant is the author of ome
famous and current sayings. "Let no
guilty man escape," is one of them.
Thisphrase is a part of an endorsement
upon a letter concerning the whisky-ring
prosecutions, made by him officially,
while President. It is characteristic of
the man, and undoubtedly original with
him. At the same time the phrase is to
be found in Ben Johnson's "Cataline,"
as follows:
Tho pods
Grow angry with your patience Tis their
. care
' And must be yours, thut guilty men escape
not.
As crimes do grow, justice must rouse it
self." Act HI.
Webster's beautiful ligure in describ
ing the power of England, in his speech
of May 7, 1834, as "a power which has
dotted over the surface of the whole
globe with her possessions and military
posts, who:?ojporninir drum-beat, fol
lowing the s!m and keeping company
with the hours, circles the earth with
one continuous and unbroken strain of
the martial airs of England," is familiar
to even .school-boy. Uartlctt notices
the fact that so long ago as 1G1S, it was
said both of the Hollanders and Span
iards that "the sun never sets upon their
dominions;" and that Schiller in Don
Karlos says, "the sun in my dominion
never sets:" and that Walter Scott in
his "Napoleon," sa, "the sun nevar
sets on the immenso empire of Charles
V." Yet, no one would seriously ques
tion Webber's originality. It has 'oc
curred to us as , not improbable that
Webster's description of England's
"military posts, whose morning drum
beat circles the earth," may have sug
gested Emerson's splendcd couplet
"Here oueet lie embattled fanners btood.
Ami ilred tlmt-liot heard round the world."
Stranger than all, however, if it be a
mere coincidence, is the coincidence in
the language employed by Lord Jlans
lield, in his noted opinion in the ease of
Somerset vs. Stewart, and the language
employed by the poet Cowper in the
"Task' on slavery: Lord Mansfield, in
lus opinion on the case sum: "lue air
of -England has long been too pure for
a slave, and every man is free who
-breathes it. Every man who comes in
lo England is enti'led to the protection
of English law, whatever may be the
color of his skin." (June 22, 187L'.)
Cowper says ("The Task," Book II):
'We have slave at home then why abrond?
,f
And they themselves once lurried o'er the
id they
waves
That iart lis are ehinneiiato and loosed.
Slaves eannot breathe in Knj-lmul, if their
In nrs
Iteveivo our air, that moment they are free.
They touch our count r, and their shackles
lull."
Indianapolis Journal.
Mr. Smith's Stove-pipe.
Once upon a time there lived a certain
man and wife, and their name well, I
think it must have been Smith, Mr. ami
Mrs. John Smitlu One chilly day in
October Mr. Smith .said to her hus
band: "John. 1 really think we must
have the stove up in the sitting room."
And Mr. Smith from behind his news
paper answered "Well." Three hun
dred and forty-six times did Mr. and
Mrs. Smith repeat this conversation,
anil the three hundred and forty-seventh
time Mr. Smith addcil: "I'il get Brown
to help me about it some day."
It is uncertain how long the matter
would have rested thus, hail not Mrs.
Smith erossed the street and asked
neighbor Brown to come over and help
her husband set up a stove, and as she
was not his wife lie politely consented
and came at once.
With a great deal of grunting, puffing
and banging, accompanied oy some
words not usually mentioned in polite
.society, 4hc two men at last got the
stove down from the attic. Mrs. Smith
had placed the zinc in its proper
position, and they put the stove way to
one side of it, but of cour&e that didn't
matter.
Then they proceeded to put up tho
stove-pipe. Mr. Smith pushed the knee
into the chimney, ami Mr. Brown fitted
.the upright part to the stove. Tiie next
thing was to get the two pieces to come
together. They pushed and pulled, thev
yanked anil wrenched, they rubbed off
the blacking onto their hands, they ut
tered remark?, wise and otherwise.
Presently it occurred to Mr. Smith
that a hammer was just the thing that
was needed, and he went for one. Mr.
.Brown improved the opportunity to wipe
tne perspiration irom ins noble brow,
"totally oblivious of the fact that he
thereby ornamented his severe counte
nance with -several landscapes done in
stove blacking. Tho hammer didn't
seem to lie just the thing that was
needed, after all. Mr. Smith pounded
.until he had spoiled the shape of the
stove-pipe, and still the pesky thin"
wouldn't go in, so he became exasper
ated and threw away the hammer. It
fell on Mr. Brown's toe, and that
worthy man ejaculated well, it's no
matter what he ejaculated. Mr. Smith
replied to hi ejaculation, and then Mr.
Brown went home.
Why continue the tale? Everybody
knows that Mr. Smith, after making a
great deal of commotion, finally suc
ceeded in getting the pipe into place,
that he was perfectly savage to everv
body for the rest of the day, and that
the next time he and Brown met on the
street both were lookiug intently the
other way.
But there is more to tell. It came to
pass in the course of the winter that
the pipe needed cleaning out- Mrs.
Smith dreaded the ordeal, both, for her
own sake and her husband's. It hap
pened that the kitchen was presided
over by that rarest of treasures, a good
natured and competent hireU girl. This
divinity proposed that they dispense
with Mr. Smith's help in clearing out
tiie pije, and Mrs. Smith, with a sigh
of relief, consented. They carefully
pulled the pipe apart, and, holding the
pieces in a horizontal position that no
soot might fall on the carpet, carried it
into the yard.
After they had -.wept out the pipe and
.carried it back they attempted to put it
up. That must have been an unusually
obstinate pipe, for it steadilv refused to
.go together. The minds of Mrs. Smith j
,and her housemaid were sufficiently t
oroau to grasp uus iaut. micr icw 'u cuw.-i iwjr service possiDiB.
trials; therefore they did not waste their Every morning it is carefully washed
strength in vain attempts, but rested, with tamarind water and brushed with
.and in an exceedingly uumasculine waj the softest of brushes. A prince, offici
:held a consultation. The girl went for ally known as "the lord l tbe ele
,a hammer, aud brought also a bit of phant," u asaghe to mtk etepkaut,
'beard- 8h placed this on top of the which he considers a ajmdA matt 1
fjpe, riMd her hammer, Ma SmL Ukx-X- Y. Berold.
Wed tho-plpo In place below, two slight
raps, and lo, it was doae.
See what a woman can do. This
story is true, with the exception of the
names and a few other unimportant
items. I say, and will maintain it, that
as a general thing a woman has more
brains and patience and less stupidity
than a man. I challenge any one to
prove the contrary. -V E- Homestead.
Nose-ologj in a Sleeper.
Did you ever notice what a variety of !
notes the snorera have in a sleeping car? ,
If you cannot sleep, and will but seek'
amusement instead of discomfort, you
will find an analvsis of this toue-lau-
guage very entertaining, it nas more
variations of time, lone, melody and
harmony than a sonata or symphony. I
amused myself very satisfactorily in
takinc to pieces and individuaii.nir the
discordant harmonics which issued lrorn
the noses of our unconscious fc'ln-v-travelers
during some of the stops when
the noise of the train ceased, and the
pattering staccato of the rain accom
panied, without drowning, the nasal
chorus.
An upper lierth passenger, who must
have been a person of spare habit, with
a high, sharp nose; gave whistling and
cheerful little uricket-ou-lhe-liearth
m . , . i
notes, like "peep! peep! peep!
" From '
the under berth, and probablv a more .
expansive and belligerent organ, came
a vicious, syncopated, slow accompani
ment of "suork! Miork! suoik!" A
deep, mellow, long-drawn --uhoonie
whoomc!" from the next section l.ar- ,
mnnvjul -ii" i ril.o"ii1;ltifl till- l)tlfl I
and snork, and was in turn punctuated
in tne upper
berth bv a nervous
and quick "ex-y-jy, ex-y-jy, ex-y-jy.
repeated with pertinacious ami dis
concerting energy. Somewhere near,
and combining with these, came a
laborious, long drawn, struggling,
force pump note, calculated to awaken
the liveliest apprehensions of premature
suffocation, iikc "un-mee-ce-z.c! uu-mee-ec-ze!"
indefinitely repeated,
mingled with obligato pa-sages of fugi
tive clutchiug after the departing
breath, still further vivified to the hor
rified sense of the listener by another
performer in the nasal overture, who,
at frequent intervals, interjected des
pairing catches of "spip-pip-pip-um-m-m-mop-buyy.7.h!"
interspersed with
"slit-slit-slit boom, boom beezc.
bec.e! scatter-whucky!"
At a longer pause than usual proba
bly at Dayton, as I heard them testing
the car wheels the cessation of all
ordinary motion ami tho substitution of
the pounding of the wheels seemed to
...
awaken the desire for original and start-j
ling effects among the orchestra. Among
the more feeble efforts of the performers
already mentioned there arose tho
mighty diapason of asnorer of the larg
est tonnage and bottom, whom I had
seen (not without apprehension) stored
in an upper berth through the united
exertions of himself, the conductor and
the porter, with the assistance of a step
ladder, which creaked and trembled
under the burden. I had been listening
in an excited state for the note of that
thundering pedal bass, and now it burst
forth in all its graudeur, scattering the
elements and silencing the whole or
chestra :is if a Javan earthquake had
lit among them, The upheaval was be
yond the power of language or letters,
but this may give some faint idea of the
event: "YVhoome! um-mee-ee-eeze!
Osh-osh-osh-kosh-kosh ! tubble-gubble-
gubble! rip! snip-pip! szvsbss
SNORK!" General Comlg, in Toledo
Telegram.
Did Nut Want to be Insulted.
It is almost incredible that so green a
person should exist as a man evident
ly from Maine who entered a cheap
eating-house in this city a few days ago
in quest of dinner. He seated himself
at a table and suspiciously reviewed in
detail the appearance of every person
present, after, which, evidently con
vinced that there were no bunko 'men or
other sharpers about, he tilted his hat
on the back of his head and awaited de
velopments. The waiters were hurry
ing about, slamming down dishes and
yelling out orders to the kitchen, and
presently one of them came up to the
stranger. "Roas' beef, roas' pork,
boil' dinner, ham an' eggs, an' pork'n
beans," said the waiter with the speed
of lightning and the expression of a
phonograph. The Maine man looked af
him and grinned. "Oh, go way," said
he; "what do yer take me for?" The
waiter stared and went away according
ly. Presently another came around,
and ran through the same formula.
"Get eaout!" roared the guest, "an'
lemme alone, won't yer!" and this serv
ing man also retired. A third and a
fourth tried conclusions witli him with
equal success, and when the last one
went away baffled the Maine man was
seen to be mad clean through. He
arose and marched up to the counter
and said to the proprietor at the desk:
"Lot ker here! 1 come in here to get
some dinner, an' I can pay for it, too,
an' don't yer forget it. But I don't
mean to be insulted. If you've got any
grub here why don't your waiters tro1
it out, an' what do they mean byyellin'
off a lot of heathen gibberish in a man'
ear? Do they think I'm a blamed fool?
You may go to thunder with your old
hash-house: there's places in Boston
where a man can come in an' be treated
like a gentleman, I guess!" and he
strode out and slammed the door aftei
him. And to this time the restaurant
keeper and his waiters haven't found
out what the row wjis all about. Bos
ton Journal.
--
An Aristocratic Come-Down.
I had the other evening a personal ex
perience of an aristocratic come-down
which surprised me. 1 was dining with
a friend at one of the most noted res
taurants in Loudon. We had a most
attentive waiter whose face seemed very
familar to me, and all through the din
ner I was puzzling my brains as to
where I had seen the man before.
"Fritz," I said (all German waiters in
London answer to the name of
"Fritz"), "your face is very familiar to
me; where have I seen you before?
were you at the Criterion?" "No,
sir," lie replied very quietly; "I met
you in Berlin at dinner, when you and
Mr. B. dined with Herr EngeL" It
Hashed across me in a moment who the
man was. I said, "Why, you're the
Baron von G ." "The same," ho"
replied, half sadly, half comically, "the
same, minus the moustache." I re
marked that I was glad to congratulate
him upon the genius which he displayed
in his new avocation for, I added, "I
might have known there was good blood
in you, for I was never waited upon
better in my life, and I am one of those
who believe that no one can do any
thing better than a gentleman if he
really gave his mind to it" The Baron
was flattered, and said that no one who
had not dined could properly know how
to wait. "I," said he, "have so often
noticed aud sworn at the shortcoming
of waiters that it is a strauge thing ifI
did not know how to wait decently my
self." London Cor. Philadelphia Tttt
graph. m
At its home in Siam the white ele
phant is treated like a baby all the
time. It is fed from bowls of solid gold,
its food Win? the same at that at tka
royal table. Six attendants are com.
stantly posed around it, ready and anz-
OF GENERAL INTEREST.
There are now sixty life convicts in
Sing Sing prison. Keiu York Sun.
The Pennsylvania Railroad has put
its wires in Philadelphia underground.
A Yeimont paper chronicles the
death of a bride of a year at St. Albans
Bay, at the age of seventy-three.
A.Philadelphia boy tied wings on
his little sister and induced her to jump
fronra balcon'. -She broke one of her
legs.:
Two patient cribbage players in
Boston have played 2.",Q00 games, and
1 at last accounts one was only one game
ahead of the othr Boston lLraiil.
Buffalo Bill's suit to recover sixty
one acres of land in the city of Cleveland
has failed. Bill will have lo content
himself with the boundless prairie.
Clcvi land Herald.
Kate Van lvcnstiue, a young unmar
ried girl in Union Hill, willed her $20,
000 of property to David Bourne, her
lover, who boarded with her. JiuJJUlo
(iV. Y.) tJjrpn;
New Orleans recently had a baby
show, with niuety-nitie infants on exhi-
j bition. The lir.-t prize was won bv a
i seveu-niontlis-old baby that weighed
thirty-one pounds. New Orleans Times.
A New London lad of sixteen years
ran away from his comfortable home a
lew months ago and was traced to a
Southern c:tton field, where he was
shoeless and hatless, working among the
negroes for sixteen cents a day. ilail
Junl Pont.
There is a physician in Rochester
whose heart only makes twenty-six
pulsations a minute. He is fortv-four
i cars old, and enjoys excellent health
: . r i iii . -
i ne average ior ueaiuiv men is sixiv
men
five heart beats to the minute. i.'oc-
Cblcr (N. Y.) Kxjircss.
T. P. l-'itzpatrick.a Norwich(Conu.)
oyster dealer, has a curiosity in the
shape of a pearl oyster, taken from a
lot of Fair Haven oysters, in which
there are one hundred small pearls, the
central cluster forming a column in the
center of the shell N. Y. Mail.
A jeweler in Paris has committed
suicide from slight enough cause. He
found that a watch which had been left
with him for repairs had been stolen.
When his wife found him dead she im
mediately shut herself up and put an
end to Tier own life. What method for
suicide these people adopted is not
stated. .
Large quantities of silver have of
late been found in Arizona. Many
mines have already been opened, and
millions of dollars' worth of silver ex
tracted. In a mine recently opened in
thc TuVkov ,iMrjct, .s.;t,ooo worth oi
silver was obtained in the first fifty feel
of the shaft sunk. Other deposits have
been discovered in Yavapai County,
which yield copper and silver in abund
ance. Ihnvcr Tribune.
The Chinese are said to have a
curious way of determining the future
occupations of a male infant. On the
first birthday he is seated in a large
seive, with money scales, a foot
measure, a pair of shears, a brass mir
ror, a pencil, ink, and books, an abacus
anil similar articles ranged m a cirdi
,.!,
around him. The article which lie
handles first is a sure prophecy in the
direction in which his future activities
will lie.
When George Warroll. of Rapid
City, Minn., went to be married he
found his progress impeded by a river
swollen by the spring Hoods. With a
rope around his body - ie ei-d held by
friends on the bank he swam the
stream, and then, on an improvised
raft, towed over his clothes and two
saddles, one of them his wedding pres
ent to the bride. Then tin- horses were
guided across and the wedding was
celebrated. .S7. Paul Press.
One of the most magnificent stair
ways in the world is situated on Calvario
Hill, west of the city of Caraceaj. Ven
ezuela. It is of sandstone, one hundred
feet wide and eighty feet high, and was
built in a park that cost Si'.OOO.OOO. The
crest is six hundred feet higher than the
level of the city, and is surmounted b a
statute of the "Great President," Guz
man Blanco, the "illustrious American,"
as he is called, who has done so much to
pacify and build up the country.
Dr. J. E. Rentier left Indianapolis
in the summer of 1875 and rolled up
his sleeves in the cause of humanity at
Memphis. His work during the "epi
demic w:us heroic and he fell in the
cause, dying of yellow fever in the latter
part of September that year. Now his
grave is an unmarked spot of desola
tion, and near him lie thirty-two other
volunteer physicians and forty-two
nurses, none honored in marble, though
all gave their lives for the public good.
Chicago Journal.
Mrs. T. M. Wheeler, of New York,
received the $1,000 prize recently ottered
for the handsomest design in wail-paper.
It is known as the "bee pattern," and
represents golden-winged bees in a
wealth of clover blossoms. The second
prize was won by Miss Clark. Her de
sign is a gold lishing-net on a light
ground with a dado of seaweeds and a
irieze oi seasticus. mis is quite a
triumph of the ladies, as quite a number
of men artists were in competition.
New York I'imes.
Going to see the Chinese baby at
the Chinese Legation is a fashionable
amusement among society ladies in
Washington. The'' old Minister is very
proud of his ott'spriug, and rolls his
eyes delightedly when told tiie baby "is
the perfect image of its father." At
Mrs. McElroy's reception Saturday af
ternoon this baby v.as a topic of conver
sation, and it was generally stated and
believed that the young aud handsome
mother of the interesting chick is the
twentieth wife of the aged Minister.
Washington Post.
"Mouce Traps and Olhcr Sweelmclcs.'
?
Tho followiug advertisement is copied
from the Fairfield Gazette of September
21, 178G, or ninety-seven years ago,
which paper was "printed in Fairfield
by W. Miller and F. Fogrue, at- their
printing office near the meeting house."
Beards taken, taken of, and Re-
gisturd by
ISAAC FAC-TOTUM,
Barber, Peri-wig. maker, Surgeou,
Parish Clerk, School Master,
Blacksmith and Man-midwife.
SHAVES for a penne, cuts hair for
two pene, aud oyld and powdird into
the bargin. Young ladys genteeely
Edicated; lamps lited by" the year or
quarter. Young gentleman also taut
their Grammer langwage in the neatest
manner, and great care takin of morels
and spelin. Also Salme ringing and
horse Shewing by the real maker!
Likewicc makes and Mends, All Sorts
of Butcs and Shoes, teches to Ho! boy
and Jewsharp, cuts corns, bleeds On the
lowes Term Glisters and Pur is, at
a'peny a piece. Cow-tillions and other
dances taut at hoam and abrode. Also
deals holcsale aud retale Pirfumerry
in all its branchis. Sells all sorts of
stationary wair, together with blacking
balls, red herrins, gingerbread and
coles, scrubbing brushes, trycle, Mouce
traps, and other swectemetes, Likewise.
Red nuts, Tatocs. sassages and other
gadin stuff.
P. T. I teches Joggrcfy, and them
outlandish kind of thing A bawl
on Wednesday and Friday. All pir
formed by Me".
ISAAC FAC-TOTUM.
Bridgeport Standard.
The young Marylander who was
putting off his wedding day till the law
reducing the charge of marriage li
censes from $4.50 to 60 cents was passed
must raise the extra $3.90, as the unro
nantic Governor of Maryland has vetoed
ibe bill. Chicago JountaL
PERSONAL AXD DIPERS0XAL.
Sal lie McCollum. of Allentown,
Pa., claims to be the Handsomest woman
in the State. Pittsburgh Pott.
George L. Perkins, a venerable
citizen of Norwich. Conn., has carried
in his pocket for seventy-eight ears
the same silver half-dollar a 'little feat
not often done in this uoild. Uartt'ufl
Pot.
It is said that the death of Harry E.
Packer, the late President of the Lehigh
Valley Railroad Company, leaves his
sister, Miss Packer, with the largest
income of any unmarried lady in
America.
S. E. Henderson, a leading business
man of Cleveland, is said to have lost
his entire fortune oi jflO.O'.JO in .-peculation
in the List si nu.uth.; aud go:.c
to California : poor as the r.t ,f ik
Cleveland Letnkr.
George Ehret is one f the ucalthic-t
brewers in New York, Lis pnp, ity be
ing ariottsl) estimated at from 'l'J '.- .
000 to 3,(0M.0'0. all made since he f
lauded on these shores from Germany,,
twenty-live years ago. .V. Y. Sun. j
Sergeant Ballentine, the iHstin- :
guished Euglish lawyer who visited this
country hist summer, has writren :n :
account of his tour in the United State.
He speaks in tone of kindly apprecia- j
tion of the American reception which ,
was accorded him. CIA a-jo Herald. j
Francis Badoux. uiuclv-fuur earj
old, whose later years have been spent
in Portland, Me., was a lieutenant un
der Napoleon Bonaparte. His second
wife was an aunt of Nathaniel Haw
thorne. He taught dancing, and among
his pupils were Longfellow and Gover
nor Washburn.
Mr (.ailing, of Gatlinggun fame,
is a benevolent looking old gentleman,
with snowy hair and whiskers. He is
slightly deaf, wears gold-rimmed spec
tacles, and talks about his wholesale
slaughtering machine as unconcernedly
as though it were merely an improved
hay rake. X. Y. Graphic.
Kcely, the motor man, wears a
magnificent solitaire diamond stud and
a solitaire diamond on his left little
finger, drives a fast horse to a handsome
top buggy, has jet black whiskers and
hair, bright black .-yes. handsome phys
ique, and dresses laulilessly. It i. not
stated how his stot kholders dress.
( tiicago Tribune.
Mr. Charles Ba.jctt, of Ashburn
ham. Mass., is ninety -si years old. In
1Mb", when he was fifty-eight years old,
he was insured for 1.000' in one of the
best-known life iiisui.mce companies.
The policy was payable at death only,
but within afe.vdays Mr. Barrett has
iveehcd from the company a check for
'he lull amount of the policy, together
with the dividend for the current year.
In traiis-nitting the e'e'ek the President
of the company writes that Mr. Barrett
is the only member of that company
who ever outlived tin-mortality table,
and that there lias n:t been a similar
instance of longevity i-i any other com
pany in this country. -Boston Pod.
'A LITTLE MLNSEXKE."
"Have von
Charley?" "No;
lars as much as
siv n George lately,
I Km red him five dol
tl.ivo weeks ago."
Lmrdi Citizen.
'Here's your r-:i-! beef, sah," said
the waiter: "J served it some time ago."
"Oh, indeed! roast l ef? Why, so uu
did. I thought all the time it was a
crack in the plate." Prtroit Fni Press.
A terrible sereaMi
A l':n-.'oyouiilii(l;, icumil House.
Caught uuliinpM-ol .ijm or litllt use.
Ami the sore.iiii t! a' -lw seiouu,
fli:tteiel licncu s Mite dome.
Ami Iiiiliseil out the -. IN of the houe.
Msminil, Tutntne.
An amendment: "Don't give it
away, please, Mildred." said Amy- to
the higu-school girl. Mter reciting an
escapade in which she had been en
gaged. "No,"r"plii.l Mildred, "I'll
make no gratuitous presentation of it."
Oil Villi Derrick.
In a barber hop: Mr. Jack Plane,
carpenter, whose facial stubble has just
been ra.eed. lays down a two-dollar
note. Boss barber- "Ticket?" J. P.
"M -no, guess not. I'm always losiii"
"em." Boss barber "In the shavings?
eh?" Boston Transcriiit.
A rural reader of the .S'mm asks:
"What is the best thing to feed hogs
on?" Well, that depends altogether Tn
circumstances. If you have no trough,
you had better feed them onthegrouud.
They might be fed on the barn lloor,
but it is easier and consequently butter
to feed them on the ground, as it is no
easy matter to drive hogs into tho barn.
Peck's Sun.
Aunt Tabitha visited an tip-town
studio the other day, and was admiring
the portraits, when the artist quietly hT
quircd of her, "Wouldn'tyou like to be
taken from life, madam?" "Laws-a-mercy!"
exclaimed she, starting for the
door, "I hope I haven't fallen into the
hands of a murderer!" And she retired
in evident alarm before the artist could
say a word in explanation. N. Y. Com
mercial Advertiser.
A Brookly n woman said to her ser
vant girl, a tresh arrival on the latest
boat from Cork: "Bridget, go out and
see if Mr. Block, the butcher on the cor
ner, has pigs feet." The dutiful servant
went out and returned. "Well, what
did he say ?" asked the mistress. "Sure,
he said nuthiii', mum.',' "IIaJ he got
pigs' feet?" "Faith, I couldn't sec
m'uiu ho had his boots on." A1 Y.
Commercial Advertiser.
"Mr. Schmidt." said a German gen
tleman yesterday, as he entered a Pitts
burgh merchant's office. "Mister
Schmidt, I haf der schmall pox "
"Great heavens!" Mr. Schneider," was
the hurried reply, "don't come here,"
and the clerks rapidly disappeared in
various directions. "Vot's der madder
mit you fellers anyhow?" pursued
Schneider. "I haf der schmall pox full
of butter oud in mine wagon vot der
Mrs. Schmidt onlerct last wick al
reaty." Explanations and cigars fol
lowed IHtlsburgh Chronicle.
".Of all the Biblical characters," said
.Mr. Shinraek, putting aside the Scrip
tures and addressing his interesting
family, "I most admire David. Aside
from being a great ruler, he was a poet,
and a singer of great sweetness." "He
was something like Andrew Johnson,"
replied the son, a young man wbao
career on the college play-ground has
been spoken of in the highest terms.
Why like Andrew Johnson?" asked tho
father. "Because he was a tailor."
"What. Da id a tailor?" "Yes, for tho
Bible says so." "The Bible says noth
ing of the kind." "Oh, yes for don't
you know that when Saul" went into tho
cave David cut his garment?" After a
few moments silence the father said to
his wife: "There is an old horse-pistol
somewhere up .stairs. Wish you'd
bring it down." Arkamaui 'Traveller.
Spelling Reform.
Mr. William Houston read a paper on
"Spelling Reform" a few days ago at a
meeting of the Canadian Institute at
Toronto. He said that he read between
:5,000 and -1,000 letters a ar, and finds
that hardly more than three in of.e hun
dred are correctly spelled, and as a rule
the uneducated spell more correctly
than the educated. Modern spelling,
he thought, is a tyrannical superstition
inherited from the eighteenth century,
and Milton's spelling was much more
correct, both etymologically and pho
netically. It will be news to many that
Edmuud Spencer did not use the u ia
uch words as honor, for omitting which
Americans have ben so severely criti
cized by the English. Doubtless a re
form iii spelling is desirable, but the
practical difficulties in the way of accom
plishing it aregrcat. N. . Tritmmc
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KRAUSE,
THE "DEEKIM"
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Lightest draft Binder made, and the only Binder which does not injure
horses' necks, all the heavy gearing- and machin
ery being behind.
The following illustrations show a few of the points of advantage which the " DEERING " has
over its competitors:
The following cuts
show the pieces of the
Deering cord holder and
kn otter when taken
apart only six in number,
"Whioh when put together are really
only two, as shown in this cut.
A neat little device,
shown in the following
cut has been added to
the Deering Binder for
84, this extension butt
board, which is adjusted
to machine as shown in
cut farther down.
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Makes all the bundles bound by the
Deering square at the butts, thus not
allowing any. of the grain to slip out
and waste while handling the bundles.
It will readily be seen )
that this gives the Deering
an immense advantage
over all its competitors,
who cannot do better than
shown in this cut.
Testimonials, as to the merits of the
"DEERING," of twenty-four of the
leading farmers of Platte county who
bought "DEERING" Binders last
year will be furnished, and any -wishing
to see the "DEERING" Binder
are cordially invited to call on
FARM MACHINERY, PUMPS, WIND MILLS, HARDWARE, STOVES
Who will most cheerfully show you anything in their
Thirteenth Street,
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WHICH IS FAR AHEAD OP
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Of the Deering Knotter it can truly be
said that it is no complication, no getting
out of order, no springs in Knotter, no
numberless lot of weak little pieces, no
missing of bundles, always sure, very sim
ple, very strong.
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-DEALERS IN-
near B. 4c M. Depot,
"BKER
SELL'
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ALL COMPETING MACHINES.
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The above is a complica
tion which when taken
apart shows a large number
of small pieces and springs
weak as shown in cut
below-
AND TINWARE, ETC.,
line.
COLUMBUS, NEBRASKA.
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