tATES of AinrEKTisiivc;. tijflttkte uaiual EJTBuaineas and professional carda of five lines or less, per annum, five dollars. TSS For time advertiaementa, apply at this office. laTLegal advertiaementa at statute rates. 25BFor transient advartlaing, aee rates on third page. GTA11 advertiaementa payable monthly. w .,t 33T OFFICE, Eleventh St., vp rtairs in Journal Building. v. terms: Per year Six months ... Three months Single copies.. .99 . I VOL. XV.--TW: 2. COLUMBUS, NEB., WEDNESDAY. MAY 7, 1884. WHOLE NO. 730. - THE JOURNAL. -issued kveky Wednesday, M. K. TURNER & CO., Proprietor and Publisher!. --- TS alLLW at Mil I m M u : BUSINE8S CAXDS. D. T. M ARTY.V. M.D. F. J. SCHDG, M. D. Dw. MAETYN & SCHUO, U. S. Examining Snrgeons, Local Surseon. Union Pacific, O., N. & I. H. and It. A 31. R. R'a. Consultation in German and English. Telephones at office and residence. COLUMBUS, - NEBRASKA. 4'J-v T BOL'GIIKKTlM.I., ' PHYSICIAN & SURGEON. 23roinV second loor east of post-office. r i nii.su3, ml ., 1'IIYSICIAN d- SURGEON. Diseases of women and children a spe cialty. Countv physician. Office former ly occupied by" Dr. llouesteel. Telephone exchange. a v-l.i,A ash IIAICJIl, .!.. DENIAL 1'AllLOlt, On corner of Eleventh and North f-treets, over Ernst's hardware Btore. U' AUIIXKIJIW Ac MMll,IVAN, A TTOItNEYS-A T-LA W, Up-stairs-inOluck liuilding.llth street, Above the New hank. TT -I. HITWSOI, NO TA R Y P UBL IC. ltU Strrrt.2 door nmt of Hammond Hoase, Columbus. Neb. 9-y -puuitsro: V POWERN. s una eon dentists, iSrOttiee in Mitchell Mock, Colum-bit-, N'ebrtska. u'tf i a. ki:i:ii:k, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Ollice ii tliu St., Columbus, Nebraska. 2-tf V. A. MACKEN, DKALKH IN Fotci(D) ami Domestic Liquors and Cigars. 11th treet, Columbus, Neb. 50-y M cAIJ.IfilTK BROS., A TTORNEYS A T LA W, Office upstair in McAllister's build iug. 11th St. V. A. McAllister, Notary Public. .1. M. MACKAKI.ASD, Att:rsy asi Hctarj PstVc. H. K. COWDERY, Co'Jicter. LAW AM) C0L1E(TI0N OFFICE OK- MACFARliANDA COWDBRx", Columbus, : Nebraska. . ki.vnkr, yn. ., (Micc.'-.,r t Dr. t'.O. A.Hullhorst) HOMEOPATHIC PHYSICIAN AND SI' It It EON. Regular graduate of two medical col lege:., office Olive St., one-half block north of Hammond House. -' C. M. SWEEZEY, Land, Loan and Insurance, Hl'MPHREY, NEH. Wmii'V to loan on loniror short time on tCexl KMate in Minis to Miit parties. j'iO-v J. J. .nAlXSlIAHf. Justice, County Surveyor, Notary, lAuifl tint! Collection Agent. jrgri'artics de-iriHjr surveying done can notify me bv mail at Platte Centre, Neb. rl-Gm T II. ItUKCHE Hth St., opposite Lindell Hotel. SelU Harness Saddles, Collars, Whips, Blankets, t'urrv Combs, Brushes, trunks, valises, bugjiv tops, cushions, carriage trimming, .tc, at the lowcet possible prices. Repairs pr mptly attended to. $66 a week at home. $5.00 outfit free, ray absolutely sure, .o rik. Capital not requireu. lti.ui.T if von want business z-jft. ivhich persons of either sex, young or .olfi, can make great pay all the time they wort-, with absolute certainty, write for (particulars to 11. Haixet fc Co., Port Jand, Maine. GEORGE SPOONEK, CONTRACTOR FOR ALL KINDS OF MASON WORK. Office, Thirteenth St.. between Olive and Nebraska Avenue. Residence on the corner of Eighth and Olive. jll TVorlc Guaranteed.. 48-tf JS. MUKDOCK & SON, Carpenters and Contractors. navenad an extended experience, and ill guarantee satisfaction in work. All kinds of repairing done on 9hort moCice. Our motto is, Good work and ifair prices. Call and give us an oppor itunitv to estimate for you. SJTShop on 13th SU, one door -west of Friedhof & Jo's. store, Columbus. Nebr. 483-v o. c. shajsstonT MASUFACTUKER OF Tin and Sheet-Iron Ware ! Job-Work, Hoofing and Gutter ing a Specialty. C3"Shop on Eleventh Street, opposite lieintz's uruc atore. 4tf-v G W. CLARK, LAND AND INSURANCE AGENT, HUMPHREY, NEBR. His lands comprise some fine tracts in the ShU Creek YalIcy,-and.tae-iiorth-ern poP ol Platte county .Taxes paid fof" non-residents.. .Satisfaction guaranteed. 20 y pOLl)MBl PACKIIV6 CO., COLUMBUS, - NEBX Packers and Dealers in allkinife affiftg product, cash paid for Live or peadUaag or grease. - Directors. R. H Henry, PreBt.; John "Wiggins, Sec. and.Treas.L.jSeirard, S. Cory. iyTOTICE TO TEACnEli J. E. Moncrief, Co. Sspt Will be in his office at the Court House on the third Saturday or; -ecfc month for the purpose of examining applicants for teacher's certificates, and for the transactton of any other business pertaining to schools. 567-y &TATE .BAN K ! SucMMMtiStrmftftlMfcalTuMfftlifat. ,; C0HTM1TJS, EB.- M2r CM PIT At, J $50,000 -i' . j '. , nrnpnTniic:' ' L'kanukh'Gkkuaud, Pre' w . rf jr.! Julius A.. Reei. v Edward A.'Gekrard. ' -. J. E. Taskeh, Cashier. male af JDepoMlt,. Dlvcaaaf aad Exchaage. ," 'fit CIIectIaM Prmatl j Made' ea all Piat. Pay IatereMt aa Tlate Deaas It. 274 DREBERT & BRI66LE, f HUMPHREY, NEBRASKA. EiTPrompt. atteatlon given to Col lections. .."" iTInavraaca, Raid -Batata, Loan, etc. tt . , B LINDSAY &TREKELL, WHOLESALE AND RETAIL FLOUR AND FEEDSTORE! , OIL CAKE, CHOPPED FEED, Bran, Shorts, HLTEI IIIHLTli COHI NEIL GRAHAM FLOtiR, AND FOUR KINDS OF THE BEST WHEAT FLOUR ALWAYSx ON HAND. t3TAH kinds of FRUITS in their sea. ion. Orders promptly tilled. lltli Street, ColumlusxNc'br. ,-.., irtU7-Cm. Ai HENRY G-ASS, UNDEBTAKEE ! COFFINSAND METALLIC CASES . AKD .DEALER IN , Farnitura, Chalra, Bedateada, Bu- reaua, Tablaa, Safea. Loungea. Ac, Pictnr Framea and Monldinca. fST-Repairiug of all kinds of Upholstery Goods. C-tf COLUMBUS, NEB. for the working class ;8end 10 cents for postage, and we will mail you re ,a royai, vaiuanie dox or sample gt)di tkat will put youiinthoway of making sore money in a few days than you ever thought possible at any busi. ness. Capital not required. We will start you. Tou can work all the time or in.spxe.tirae.ouly..JIfle.w.Qrkis .univer sally adapted ;to,toth,sexcj,.!young and old. You cineasily earn'from 50 cunts to S5 every L evening. That all -who want work may .test the business, we make this unparalleled offer; to all who ire cot well satisfied we will send $1 to pay" for, the trouble of writing Uf. Full particu lars, directioBs.-etc, sent free.1 Fortunes' will be made by-those who"give their' whole time to the work. Great success absolutely sureV Don't delay.' Start now. Address Stetson Co., Fortlaud, Maine. A WOKO OF WAKKIIVCI. FARMERS', stock raisers, and all other interested' parties will do well to remember that the "Western Horse and Cattle Insurance Co.'r of Omaha is the only company doing business in this state that insures Horses, Mules and Cattle HainsFIoss;byrthefti"ccidnt3rdIseases, or injury, (as also'against loss by fire and lightning). AH representations by agents of ether Companies to the contrary not withstanding. HENRY GARN,.Special Ac't, 15-y Columbus, Neb. JAMES NALnO., CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER. Plans and estimates supplied for either frame' or brick buildings. Good work guaranteed. Shop on 13th Street, near St. Paul -Lumber Yard, ColumbusV Ne braska. 02 6mo. J.-WAG-NER, Livery and Feed Stable. Is prepared .to -furnish .the public wf'th good team's buggies and carriages for all occasions, 'especially for funerals. Also conducts a sale stable.' 44 COLUMBUS iaaaaaaaaaaaaaa GOLD AlYON&HEALYl aVwm im ijWW jjsa j i n A.ffaaT dsBBaV, uai ?. ,Ls"sat5aMifa O aaai2?L"ci2SV?!jsaaa "' "IsRSffam we. JfsSst FIRST National Bank! COIUBU3US. NIB. -Altlidriiem Capitol, - - $250,000 Paid fi Capital, 50,000 Sfirplis aid Promts, - - 6,000 OFFICERS AND DIRKCTOR-S. A. ANDERSON, Preset. SAM'L C. S3IITH. Vice Prea't. i O. T. ROEN, Cashier. J. MT. EARLY, HKR3IAN OEHLRICn. W. A: MCALLISTER. G. ANDERSON, P. ANDERSON. Foreign and Inland Exchange, Passage TlnbuU anrt Roil Vtttm T.nqna t ,5 '" 21i-vol-13-ly COAL LIME! J. 1: NORTH & CO., "rr DEALERS IN w Coal, Hair, Cement. Rock Sping Coal, Cirboa(Wyomiig)Coal. Eldon (Iowa) Coal ..$7.00 per tou ... 6.00 " ... 150 " Blacksmith Coal of best quality al ways on hand at low est prices. North Side Eleventh St., COLUMBUS, NEB. n-:tm UNION PACIFIC LAND OFFICE. Improved and Unimproved Farms, Hay ana urazrag i-anus auu u,y Property for Sale Cheap AT THE Union Pacific Land Office, On Long Time and low rate of Interest. ISg-Final proof made on Timber Claims Homestead and Pre-emptions. laTAll wishing to buy lands of any de scription will please call and examine my list of lauds before looking else wheie I3TAH having lands to sell will please call and give me a description, term , prices, etc. 1371 a so am prepared to insure prop erty, as I "have the agency of several firat-class Fire insurance companies. F. W. OTT, Solicitor, speaks German. vaMIlKI. CSMITH. 30-tf Columbus, Nebraska. BECKER & WELCH, PROPRIETORS OF SHELL CREEK MILLS. MANUFACTURERS AND WHOLE SALE DEALERS IN FLOUR AND MEAL. OFFICE. COL U3IB US, NEB. SPEICE & NORTH, General Agents for the Sale of REAL ESTATE. Union Pacific, and Midland Pacific R. R. Lands for sale at from ? 3.00 to $10.00 per acre for cash, or on fire or ten years time, in annual payments to suit pur chasers. We have also a large and choice lot of other lands, improved and unimproved, for sale at low price and on reasonable terms. Also business and residence lot6 in the city. We keep a complete abstract of title to all real es tate in Platte County. C21 COL1JWB1IN, NEB. LOUIS SCHREIBER, All kinds ef Repairing done os Short Notice. Baggies, Wag ohs, etc., made U order, and all work Guar anteed. Also sell the world-firasous Walter A. Wood Xowrs. Heapen-CMbin- ed yUachiaes, Harraattrs, and. Self-binders the ' best nude. 'Shop opposite the " Tattersall," on Olive St., COLUMBUS. 26-m BuiiaiiiiwaiDHw Tke Bears and tbe Wheat Market. The wild bear of the woods is subject to regularly recurring periods of ex treme obesity and extreme emaciation. During tbe autumn he feeds ou the ber ries and nuts of the season, and waxes fat and sleek. His fur grows thick and lustrous, and his shape rounds out .with adipose tissue. He looks altogether comfortable and prosperous. With the advent of winter he retires from busi ness; and for months he lies torpid in his lair, drawing his subsistence from the stores of fat already accumulated underneath his shaggy and elastic skin. In the spring he comes out a lean and hungry animal, the glossy black of his fur has faded into a dingy brown, and he looks like a tattered and starving tramp of the animal kingdom. The bear in trade has likewise his periods of prosperity and of depression; he is sometimes fat and sleek and prosper ous, and sometimes lean and desperate, but'these periods are not of regular re currence. Like death, he has alf seasons for his own; he does not go into winter quarters, and he is about as likely to have a period of abundance or of pinch ing want at one time of the year as another. He is a creature of accident and circumstances. Just now, in Wall street and in the grain and provisions markets, he is having his iunings. . His proportions are expanding. He is squeezing the market and growing pros perous. It is a merry time while it lasts, but, bye and bye, the bulls will get him in aTcorner and gore him with their sharu horns. The bear in wheat, which is the great est staple of this region of country, is making much of the large amount of thatra:nin-sighL He proclaims that the market is glutted. It is a good cry for immediate purposes, but a little consideration of statistics will show that it is greatly exaggerated. If we com pare the figures of the present year, wheu the wheat crop throughout the country is much below the average, witli those of 1880, when the crop was untiMiully large, it will bo found that there is no extraordinary excess of that grain ou hand, and not more than might be expected iu consequence of the'great increase of storage-room made within the past four years. The whole visible supply of wheat at present is. 'io, 005,G75 bushels; at the same date in 1880 it was 31,023,300, a difference of less than 4.000,000. The elevator capacity of Chicago in 188U was 19,-40-1,000 bushels, and there were in store, in that city then, lu',036, '262 bushels, of all kinds of grain, of which 8,091,000 were wheat. At present the elevator capacity of Chicago is 26,000,000 bushels, and the grain m store 19,771,320 of which 12,- 35,400 are wheat. J. he elevator ca pacity of Milwaukee remains substan tially the same as four years ago, being about 6,500,0U0 bushels. There was in store in the city four years ago, at this time, 5,224,000 bushels of wheat, while now there are but 2,844,372. The total wheat in store in the two cities, iu Jan uary, 1880, was 13.916,000 bushels, while now it is 1.0,231,827, a difference of only 1,315,827. These ligures cer tainly do not indicate a glut in the mar ket, while there are good grounds for believing that the farmers, especially iu the winter wheat regions, have much more generally disposed of all their sur plus than was the case at this time in 1880. Hence there does not seem to be anything in the present situation and prices to make the bears very sanguine of the future, or to encourage producers who can afford to wait, to hurry their surplus wheat to market. Milwaukee Sentinel. A Real School-Master. " Wo had about as onery and triflin" a crop of kids in Calaveras Comity thir ty years ago as you could gather in with a" tine-tooth comb and a brass band in fourteen States. For ways that were kittensome they was moderately active and abnormally protuberant. That was the prevailing style of Calaveras kid when Mr. George W. Mulquecn came there and wanted to engage the school at the old camp, where I hung up in the days when tne countrj' was new and the murmur of the six-shooter was heard in the land. George W. Mulqueen was a slender young party from the effete East, with conscientious scruples and a hectic Hush. Both of these was agin him for a promoter of school discipline and square root. He had a heap of information and big sorrowful 03-03. " So fur as I was concerned, I didn't feel like swearing around George or using any language that would sound irrelevant in a ladies' boodoiv; but as for the kids of the school, thoy didn't care a blamed cent- They just hollered and whooped like a passle of Sioux. "They didn't seem to respect literary nlf.iinmrnf! nr ivnpni5v tnnwloiloro The- just simply seemed to respect the genius that come to that country to win their love with a long-handle shovel and a blood-shot tone of voice. That's what seemed to catch the Calaveras kids in the early days. "George had weak lungs, and they kept to work at him till they drove him into a mountain fever and finally into a metallic sarcophagus. ' Along about the holidays the sun went down on George W. Mulqueeu's life, just as the eternal sunlight lit up the dewy eyes. You will pardon my manner, Nye, but it seemed to me just as if George had climbed up to the top of Mount Cavalry, or wherever it was, with the whole school on his back, and had to give up at last. "It seemed kind of tough to me and I couldn't help blamiu' it onto the school some, for there was half a dozen big snoozers that didn't go to school to learn, but just to raise Ned and turn up Jack. "Well, the' killed him, anyhow, and that settled it. "The school run kind of wild till Feboowary, and then a husky young tenderfoot, with a fist like a mule's foot in full bloom, made an application for the place, and allowed he thought he could maintain discipline if they'd give him a chance. Well, they ast him when he wanted to take his place as tutor, and he reckoned he could begin to tute about Monday follering. "Sunday afternoon he went up to the school-house to look over the grounds and to arrange a plan for an active Injun campaign agin the hostile hood lums of Calaveras. "Monday he sailed in about nine a. m., with his grip-sack and begun the dis charge of his duties. "He brought in a bunch of mountain willers. and after driving a big railroad spike into the door-casing over the latch, he said the Senate and House would sit with closed doors during the morning session. Several large, white eyed holy terrors gazed at him in a kind of dumb, inquiring toni of voice, but he didn't say much. He seemed considerably reserved as to the plan of the. campaign. The new teacher then HaJockea his alligator-skin grip and took out a Bible and a new self-cocking weapon that had an automatic dingus for throwing out the empty shells. It was one of the bull-dog variety, and had the laugh ofa jeyous child. "He read a short passage from the Scriptures, and then pulledoft his coat and hung it on a nail. Then he made a few extemporaneous remarks, after which he salivated the palm of his right hand, took the self-cocking song ster in his left, and proceeded to wear out the gads over the various protuber ances ot his pupils. "People passing by thought they must be beating carpets in the school house. He pointed the gun at his charge with his left and manipulated the gad with his right duke. One large, overgrown Missourian tried to crawl out of the winder, but after he had looked down the barrel of the shooter a moment he changed his mind. He seemed to realize that it would be a vio lation of the rules of the school, so he came back and sat down. " After he wore out the foliage. Bill, he pulled the spike out of that door, put on his coat and went away. He never was seen there again. He didn't ask for any salary, but just walked off quietly, and that'summer we accident ally heard that ho was George W. Mul queen's brother." Bill Nye. in Puck. The Artist and the Model. Artists are supposed to be naturally romantic. Perhaps thoy are; but it has yet to be demonstrated that they as a class fall in love more readily than other men. And yet one is continually hearing of affairs d'amour among the knights of the brush at Paris. They rarely become enamored of their mod els that is, rarely seriously enamored. Models are not, as a rule, of a lovable or loving kind. But there was a case of true love between an artist we will call him Palette rather than use his own name and a damsel who sat for him in "figure pieces." He was an Ameri can, young, whole-souled anil success fully rising. She was an Alsacienne, young, handsome, and poorer than the proverbial church-mouse. Her parents had lost their little property' in the Franco-Prussian war when the hungry German gobbled up the fair provinces of Alsace and Lorraine. Rather than swear fealty to the Kaiser they had sacrificed everything and lied, eventu ually turning up iu Paris, where they had managed to wrin"r out a nieaser living in various honest wavs. Mai- guente, the dauzhter, had been en dowed by nature with a splendid face and form, and she was as good as she was beautiful. By and by her father was disabled, and the mother had to de vote to him her constant care, so that on Marguerite's shoulders fell the bur den of supporting the little family. All went well for awhile, and then bad times came. There was no work to be had. A friend of the family, one Monsieur N., a frequenter of the studios, suggested sit ting for the artists. No! It could not be thought, of. At last necessity com pelled some action. There were stern landlords and implacable tradesmen to face. Palette was looking for a model. He was paiuting a classical picture. He wanted an Athenian girl, but he could not find any one who satisfied him in the Greek costume. He pressed N.. whom he knew well, andN. pressed Marguerite, who, iu the end, consented. Palette was enchanted. The very thing, aud ho painted away for dear life. Somehow the picture was an un conscionably long time in the finishing there was always something to be done to the figure of the Greek girl. And Palette was a capital talker and lie drew from Marguerite her history. First she had his sympathy, then his friendship. She sat for him often iu other pictures. He assisted her family in various ways and he discovered that she was a very uncommon girl. To make n long stoiy short, he loved her: devotedly, too, and she loved him. And they were married, of course? No! There is no happy ending to this tale; there was no ring of merry bells. Marguerite fell ill and died. And Palette? Well, he will never many. He keeps her memory sacred. He paints with a sadder and more ef fective touch now, and people say there is a wonderful deal of heart and poetry in his work. He supports the mother and makes her old age free from care. The father died not long after his daughter. It is a sad story; it is a story of romance, but such things show the better nature of our race. Paris Letter. An Enterprising City. Nuremburg was a place of considera tion even in the time of the Emperoi Henry IV., who ennobled thirty-eight families there. In 1219 Henry V. raised it to the rank of a free imperial city, and during the middle ages it was very im portaut on account of its enormous traf fic between the great seaport of Venice and the countries of the East, and all Northern Europe. Through its com merce it became a very rich city, and its burghers established manufactories of various sorts, and so built up its trade that skillful artisans flocked there, and many discoveries were mads which still have a great influence in th world. The first paper-mill in Germany wa in Nuremburg, and Koberger's printing house, with its twenty-four presses, wal so attractive to authors that they settled at Nuremburg in order the more con veniently to oversee the printing oi their works. Watches called "Nurem burg 1500; Eggs." were first made about the clarionet was invented there. and church organs were better made than in,any other German town. A new composition of brass, the air-gun and wire-drawing machinery were all Nuremburgdevices. The filigree silver and gold work the medals, images, seals and other artistic jewelry which were made by the fifty master gold smiths who dwelt there were famous far and wide; and this variety of man ufactures was increased by HirschvogeL an artisan who traveled in Italy and learned to make majolica. His factory, established at Nuremburg in 1507, was the first in all Germany where such ware was made. It is not certain that play-ing-cards were invented in Nuremburg, but they were manufactured there as early as 1380, and cannon were cast there in 1356; previous to this they had been made of iron bars sol dered together lengthwise and held in place by hoops. In short, the manu facturers of Nuremburg were so widely known as to give rise to a proverb: " Nuremburg's band Goes through every land;" and thus the city had the sort of im portance which success and wealth bring to a person or a place. Clara Erskine Clemtnt, in SL Nicholas. , A woman 108 years old in White field County, Ga-. asked to be baptised recantiy. SCHOOL AND CHURCH. "The Joe Brown University" is to be the name of a Georgia college, with' Senator Brown as patron. ' Union College, Schenectady, has given, to a lady the important post of registrarship, and she is discharging her duties with complete success. Troy Times. Cardinal Manning recently told a wealth' congregation, that an attempt to reach the masses and to provide something for the suffering of his poor, was of more account than an endeavor to raise a second Westminster Abbey. The old church at Whttingham Center, Vt., which was built in 1798, but has been unoccupied and going to decay for many years, has been pulled down. It was used at the Centennial celebration of 1880 by taking out one side to accommodate the crowd. Rutland Herald. The Williams "College Catalegue," 1883-84, is issued, and shows large classes and a generally successful state of things. The Seniors are fifty-four in number, the Juniors eighty-four, the Sophomores sixty-oue and the Freshmen eighty-live. Boston Post. The school system in England bears .very unequally upon the artisan class. The mechanic whose earnings are three shillings a week for every member of his family pays no fees, but if this sum lis exceeded by a single cent he must 'pay. The working classes are thor oughly dissatisfied with the present reg ulations. The question of "caste" came up in the recent meeting of the American Missionary Association, the subject being the work in the South. The Ad vance says: "Shall we organize 'caste' churches in the South? rib, because 'caste' is unchristian, equally in Geor gia anil India." No discrimination is the wise policy proposed. Rev. R. Cherryman, aged eighty five, of Hinsdale, Cattaraugus County, N. Y., who has not preached for several years, retired to his bed one night re cently and dreamed a complete sermon. On the next night the urearu was re peated word for word, and so vividly was it impressed upon his mind that upon arising in the morning he trans ferred the "dream sermon to paper and delivered the same from the pulpit the next Sunday. AH who listened to it pronounced it the best he ever deliv ered. Ar. Y. Tribune. The Providence (R. I.) Press makes a strong plea in favor of compul sory education and truancy laws. "Their effect," it says, "has been jmi formly salutary. Of course, it is not claimed that they have entirely done away with immorality and crime, nor that they are likely to do so. But it is claimed, and abundant facts support the assertion, that the operation of these laws has directly resulted in a large and gratifying increase in school attendance, anil a consequent decrease in illiteracy, immorality and crime." PDNUENT PARAGRAPHS. Never fear of spoiling children by making them too happy. They are vaccinating the Indians of Alaska. If vaccination will prevent Indians breaking out, let the doctors tackle the Apaches. Peck's Sun. Two farmers saw a couple of dudes on a street in Troy, when one exclaimed: "Gosh ! hat thiugs we see wheu we don't have no gun." Troy (N.Y.) 'Times. Long to be remembered such names as Ascatl'enburg, Sondershausen and Pietropaulovitz. In fact, they are too long to be remembered. Oil City Derrick. Ef a man is in fabor ob anything uir ue goou ou lie neiguuornopu ua calls him a wise man, but ef he is too much in fabor ob it da calls him crazy Arkansnw Traveller. Where do you suppose that man is driving?" inquired an Austin gentle man pointing to a flashily dressed fellow behind a stylish team. "Into bank ruptcy," was" the quick reply of a by stander. Texas Sif lings. What would we do without poets. The latest piece of information in verse begins: "The golden rod is yellow." How horrible it would have been had the public been obliged to remain under the hallucination that the golden rod was scarlet. Ar. Y. News. Always singing Sweet Mury Ann had a musical tongue; By day and by night forever she songue. And ott on her notes her many friends hongue; But. one day. alas! she ruptured a longue. Her muic away to the winds was soon Houuge. And in joy her near neighbor had all the bells rongue. Boston Transcript. "Man's greatest need is associa tion," says a recent work on political ceonomy. If we had been called upon for an opinion, we should have thought of a winter overcoat, a new hat, even bread and butter, before association. But then we don't profess to know all about political economy. Oil City Der rick. The irrepressible independence of the average New England boy was well illustrated by the reply of one to a lady, who hearing that his father had been knocked down and injured by a railroad train remarked, "He will not be likely to cross in front of an engine again, will lie?" to which the boy retorted, "I'll bet he will if he has a mind to." Boston Advertiser. "I don't understand why women dress that way," said a man pointing to a lady who passed along the street. "I don'teither," replied a bystander. "That woman," continued the first speaker, "is dressed ridiculously. Her husband must be a fool." "I know he is," re- !)lied the bvstander. "Do vou know lira?" "0 yes. I am the fool." Boston Transcript. Wonderful Jumping Horses. "Yes," said tiie reformed hostler to a reporter, "I had a horse once that jumped over two hundred feet on a straight road." "Did he make it in one iumn ?" said the converted mule driver. "Yes," ho made it in one jump," said the reformed hostler, "and he'a & jumped a thousand feet if they'd been there, as them was pickled pig's feet in a barrel." "1 drove a horse once," said the hon est stage-driver, "that jumped through a wall four feet thick. "Did it hurt the wall any ?" said the reformed hostler, insinuatingly. "No," said the honest stage-driver, fiercely, "but it killed the horse." "Talking of horses jumping," said the reformed hostler, "we had a horse that jumped every fence on the farm, and wound up by "trying to jump over his own tail." "Did he do it?" said the converted mule-driver, breathlesslv. "No," he didn't," said the reformed hostler, calmly. N. Y. Journal. Ke-Appearaace of the Ceset ef 181i. On the 3d of September Mr. Brooks, of Phelps, New .York, discovered a tele scopic comet. Its advent was quickly made kiiown to the scientific world, and it was described as round and faint, and having no tail. Its course was toward the earth, and it was hoped that it would become visible to tha naked eye in two or three months. It was generally accepted as a new comer making its first visit to the clime of the sun, and was known as comet Brooks, or comet 6 1883. Instead, however, of being a new comer, this comet is an old friend that made its first recorded visit in 1812, and is known as Pons' comet, from tho name of the discoverer, or, more sim ply, as the comet of 1812. Encke, an astronomer of the time, foun-l that the comet moved in an ellipse, with a prob able period of nearly seventy-ono years, so that its return was looked for about this time. The Rev. George Searle, of New York, was tho observer who discovered the identity of comet Brooks and the comet of 1812. Cometic astronomy was comparatively in its infancy wheu Encke made the computation of the orbit of this comet. It is simply wonderful that, with the data at his command, he should have reached a result so nearly accurate. Within a few years, however, two series of observations of the comet have been discovered winch were unknown to Encke. Two French astronomers, Messrs. Schulhof and Bossert, under took to compute the orbit, using all the data known. The Paris Observatory published the result of their labors in a pamphlet of 200 pages. From time to time the enthusiastic French observers issued memoranda of the probable posi tion of the comet when near enough to be seen. Unfortunately, tho first ob servations of comet Brooks did not seem to agree with the French ephem eris, and it was hastily concluded that the erratic visitor was a new member of the cometic family, come to take its first peep at our little planet. The Rev. Mr. Searle studied the ques tion more carefully.and verified thecom putat ions more accurately. Ho proved beyond question that the positions marked out for comet Brooks were identical at the time of observation with those in which a comet would be found that was traveling in the ellipse com puted by Encke. He went further, using the new orbit ot" the French astronomers, and proving that the comet was observed in tho exact posi tion where it should have been found according to the orbit computed seventy years ago. Thero is therefore no shadow of a doubt that our eyes behold the long ex pected comet of 1812. Its perihelion passage will take place on the 25th of January, 1884. It will then be about 60,000,000 miles distant from the earth, two-thirds the distance of the sun. In 1812 the comet presented, when discovered in July, the appearance of an irregular nebulous mass, with the tail entirely wanting. In September the nucleus was live minutes in diam eter and the tail was two degrees sev enteen minutes in length. Though not very bright it was distinctly visible to the naked eye, and was observed for ten weeks before it disappeared in the star depths. The returning comet, when first seen, presented similar ele ments. About the 2..d of September, however, a remarkable and unexpected outburst occurred, the nucleus expand ing into a confused circular nebulous patch of light, and the comet increasing many times in brilliancy in the course of two or three days. On the 23d the nebulous mass was two minutes iu di ameter; on the 24th it was four min utes in diameter and shone with a luster equaling a star of the seventh magni tude. The activity of the display is al most unparalleled in cometic history, and is specially noteworthy on account of the comet's great distance from tho sun at the present time. Since this curious outburst the comet has been a well-behaved member of the family, bus it is impossible to predict what vagary it may next indulge in. The comet of 1812 may now be seen in the evening in the northwest in a telescope of moderate power, and is said to be visible in a good opera glass. In a few weeks it will be easily per ceptible to the unassisted eye, and when the year 1884 makes its advent, it will be near its culminating point. It will not equal the suberb comet of 1882 in siijo or brilliancy, but it will be visible in the evening sky and will be so much more convenient to observe that there will be compensation in its les sened splendor. It is an astronomical triumph, that with the inadequate means at command for computing an ephemeris, an astro nomer seventy years ago was able to predict nearly the exact time for this comet's return. Our ancient friend is winging its swift flight toward us, and before long our eyes will be gladdened by a sight of its face after a long travel of threescore years and ten, when almost ever eye that noted its first ap pearance has ceased to behold the shin ing picture that nightly arches over the earth. There are several comets with a computed period of from seventy to seventy-five years. Halley's comet with a period of seventy-five years is the only one of them that has made more than one return. Its last appear ance was in 1835, and it is next expected in 1911. The comet of 1812 with a period of seventy-one years now re cords its first return. The comet of 1815 with a period of seventy-four years is confidently anticipated in 1889. Scientific American. People who seize pistols at night and nervously bang away at noises in their houses generally make mistakes. Sometimes a somnambulistic mother-in-law is killed; sometimes a belated son is laid out, and often an innocent win dow curtain is destroyed. Mr. Choate, the teller of a bank in Newark, N. J., had good luck a few nights ago. He fouud an uninvited guest in his house. Ha promptly killed him. Tho man turns out to be a genuine unknown burglar. N-. Y. Times. im Baker, one of the oldest Rockv Mountain trappers, has retired from his wild life, after having spent forty seven year3 in the wilderness. "Jim, the Scout," as" he i3 familiarly called in Denver, is now over seventy, but his form is still as straight as an arrow, his eye as bright as a child's, and his tep as elastic. He is now living in Denver, and talks of the time when ho camped in the wilderness which is now the capital city of Colorado. Chicago Herald. In the last two years thore havo been 172 enlistments for the signal service, of which fifty-three were col lege graduates. FACTS AND FKrCBSS. According to the Amtriemm Alma nac for 1883, the Mormons numbered 3,906 ministers and 110,377 members. Cincinnati is to have a fourth bridge over the Ohio River, to be built this year at a cost of $1,250,000. Ct'ncsa hati Times. Orange trees are generally planted 100 per aero. Many trees planted since 1873 in Louisiana are bearing from 800 to 2,000 oranges each under very little cultivation, and without any commer cial fertilizer. New York State last year received for educational purposes 813000,000. and spent S12.000.000. In the 115 active savings' banks of the State, 1,000,000 depositors have accounts ag gregatingS420,831,000. .V. Y. Graphic. The Commercial Bulletin compute that the Nation's carelessness in regard to tiro costs $160,000,000 a year. One hundred millions vanish In smoke. Thirty millions ro to sustain our fire departments. The cost of running our insurance companies consumes the bal ance. The following ages have, on the authority of skilled arboriculturists, been attained by trees: Yew, 3,200 years; schubortia, 3,000; cedar, 2,000; oak, 1,500; spruce, 1,200; lime, 1,100; Orioutal plane, 1,000; walnut, 900; olive and cypress. 800; orange, 630; maple, 500; "elm, 300. The total sales of stocks at the New York Stock Exchange during 1883 were over 96,000,000 shares, against ovof 113.000,000 in 1882, and about the same number in 1881. As the entire numbef of shares outstanding is but 524,000, the transactions were about equal to thirty times the whole capital stock. N. Y. Sun. Last year not a single passenger riding in a passenger train on the Mas sachusetts railroads was killed, except from his own fault, and there were over 31,000,000 passengers carried an average distance of fifteen miles each. This is probably the most remarkable record yet matte in tho way of safety in travel ing by rail. Bosloil Iust. It is estimated that there are now in the Tnited States 15,000,000 milch cows; aud that there are made annually 1,300,000.000 pounds of butter and 450. 000,000 pounds of cheese. In 1880, as shown by the census. 772,204.000 pounds of butter were made on farms, and 29, 451,000 pounds in factories, and a total of 243,145,000 pounds of cheese. Be sides this over 17.000.000 pounds of oleomargariue were also manufactured. Untied Slates Dairyman. - The Albany (N. Y.) Penitentiary lays claim to tno distinction of being the best conducted penal institution in tho country. Its aunual report showj that it has Jheen self-sustaining and turned a surplus into the county treas ury every year but oue since 1851. Since 1819 it has wet expenses, di bursed nearly 200,G0O on building ad ditions, and still has an income of $350, OOOoverall expenses. During the period 42,848 persons have been taken care of. Albany Journal. WIT AND WISDOM. In dis life al'ers try to hep a man up d hill. He ken go down by hisse'f. Pltmtation Philosophy. An evil thought in the heart of a mau who has a heart is about as trou blesome as a wasp in the ear. N. Y. Herald. "I hear." said Mrs. Parvenu, "that Mr. Willow's son took tho diploma at Yale last ear. I always said Yale waj an awful unhealthy city." Boston Post. - Charity is one of the sweetest im pulses of the human heart; but, to be truly beneficial, it must be administered with discriminating judgment. Chica go Herald. Do not go without some good reso lutions. Resolve on something, wheth er you carry it out or not. As tho poet says: It is better to resolvo and fa!!. Than never to resolve- ut nil. The Pope is havinjr the roof of the Vatican refrcscoed. If he thinks this will keep out the rain, he is greatly mis taken. He should hire an artist with a bundle of shingles. Burlington Fret Pras. Mother (to governess): "Come, work the children out of the room; niv doctor is comin-." Little daughter "Oh, mamma, let us stay here. We want to." Mother "Well, what dc you want." Little daughter "Why. you know papa always says the doctoi leads you abouc by the" nose, and wt want to see him do "it." Foreign Fun. 'Mother, may Bridget cut that cake aow?" asked little Johnny last evening, right in the pn-sence of some company who had just rot seated. "No, child, not now." "Oh, yes; -not now.' That's what you've beensayin' fura week, anil you said you wuz a go'n' to cut it as soon as you'd have company." In an hour or so after Johnny got a slice oi the cake.- Merchant Traveler. A Reverie.--We stood sit the tmrs as tho sun went down Itebind the lulls on a summer day: Iter eyes were tender, and 1ik, ami browu. Iter breath as sweet as new-mown hay. Kar rrom the west the faint Biin-,lilne danced sparklinsr from her golden hair: Those e.ilm. deep eye- were turned on mine And a look of contentment reitod tliore. I sne her bathed in the sunlight Hood, I scf her sending peacefully now; Peacefully standing and chewing her cud. A- I rubhed her I'.irs that Jersey cow. "Get on your wraps now, dearest. and we'll go out." The fair creature's eyes sparkled with the excitement ol anticipation as she exclaimed: "Ami you have got a double sleigh, of course, Charley, with three horses hitched abreast, Russian fashion, silver-mounted harness and dark builalo robes, and we'll to out for a dash through Harlem Lane?" "Well, not exactly," returned Charley. "We'll walk to the park foi a slide. "-A1 Y. Mail. Excuses for Bankruptcy. One day three or four weeks ago a re tail grocer over in Jersey sat down with his clerk one evening and said: "James, I owe New York houses over 3,000." "Yes. sir." "We have $2,000 in cash in the safe, the stock hi all ruu down, and this would be the time to fail in business." "It certainly would." "But I want a reasonable apology tc give my creditors when they come dowi upon us for explanations. See if yoo can't think of something to-night, and let me know in the morning." The clerk promised, and the grocer wheeled a chest of tea and a bag qJ coffee home as a beginning. Next morning when he appeared at the ato the safe was open, the cash gone, aad in the desk was a note from the clerk, reading: "I have taken tho $2,000, and. am prepared to skip. It will be the best excuse in the world for your failing s fiat that creditors can not realize two J cents on the dollar.' ' Wail Stmt Nmcx