JfeMl3iC THE JOTJRKAL. ISSUED EVJEKY WEDXESDAY,. j M. Iv. TURNER & CO., Proprietors and Publishers. J Li TSTBusinesss and professional cards of five lines or less, per annum, five dollars. - 2T For time advertisements, apply at this office; -jJSTLegal advertisements at statute rates. S3TFor transient advertising, see rate son third page. " IS?" All advertisements payable monthly. 15? X3T OFFICE, Eleventh St., vp stairs in Journal Building. terms: r' Per year ." Six months Three months Single copies COWiiiUt 3 J Zi iHa J. ::-j ,:: J '.OVfc " r - - : ' , j . j. .j t'.L.y -t t.: . Jr Mxluil6 n n COLUMBUS, NEB., WEDNESDAY. APRIL 30, 1884. WHOLE -N(h-m e3 O' : 1 1 C t i . ,. t -tr.. rWH SBBbbK 111 I. Iff'rilll.ll: J L. J -jijIUjejIU-' J.V - V BW. ggggggggggggggggaV" BBv BW & T" gggWy BBBBAf BBBBW I BBBBMBf gg . BbBBBT . - ... ggggggggggggggggggVr ggggU m Lu:r. vJgK bbW gM rWj issssBsW " ?B " I S C S 3 ? """ I fc BBBJBJB j j " 4 t . - f.ovi. r . r t l ; frv N y !""h V.S r BUSINESS CARDS. . k" t f D.T. Marty.v, 31. D. F. J. SCHCG, M. D. Dm. MAETYN 4 SCHUG, D. S. Examining Surgeons, Local Surgeon. Union 1'neific, O., X. & B. H. and 11. & M. It. IVs. Cousultatlonsfin German and English. Telephones at office and residence. COLUMBUS, W -"" NEBRASKA. T DOUGHI'.KTT, M. ., PHYSICIANS: S&'J? "& jSTOmVe ?econd door east or poet-office. 51-y J. P. W1L.MOX, .n. ., PTITSICIANJ; SURGEON. Diseases of women and children a spe cialty. Countv physician. Office former ly occupied by Dr. Bonesteel. Telephone exchange. ,, ' rAS. SLOAJIB, (YK LTCJ I CHINESE LA UNDRY. EBTUnder "Star Clothing ?tdre" Ne braska Avenue, 'olunibu. -2Sm o E.1.A AIIBAlIOH. . DENIAL PARLOR, On corner of Eleventh and North street, over Ernf hardware atore. ATTOltXEYS-AT-LA-WT " Up-etalr? in Gluck Building, 11th street, Above the Xew bank. TT J. IHJWSO. " XOTARY PUBLIC. 12h Strtft.i dooriwest of UauaJ HWf Columbus, Nb. 491-y rpiIURSTOr A POWERS, SURGEON DENTISTS, 3T Office in Mitchell Block, Coluin bus, Ncbrafka. "-tr J. G. RKEDEK, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Office on Olive St.. Columbus, Nebraska. 2-tf pi G. A. UULLUOUST, A. M., M. D., HOMEOPATHIC PHYSICIAN, t3TTvo Blocks south of Court House. Telephone communication. -y V. A. MACKEN, PKALEK IN Foreign ami Domestic Liquors and Cigars. llth strect, Columbus, Neb. -"'O-y lfcALLISTER BROS., ATTORNEYS AT LAW, Office upstairs in McAllister's build in?, llth St. W. A. McAllister, Notary Public. J. M. MACKAHLAND, B. R. COWDF.RY, AK8SV s .-j ?e- eaiKter. LAW AND COLLECTION OFFICE OF MACFARXiANDA COWDBRy, ClumlHs, : : : Nebraska. C. M. SWEEZEY, Land. Loan and Insurance, HUMPHREY, NEB. Money to loan on long or short time on Real Estate in sums to suit parties. 50-y J. J. MAUGHAN, Justice, County Surveyor, Notary, Land and Collection Agent. -Parties desiring surveying done can notify me bv mail at Platte Centre, Neb. 51-Cm F. H. KITSCHE, llth St., opposite Lindell Hotel. Sells Harnes, Saddles, Collars, Whips, Blankets, Currv Combs, Brushes, trunks, valises, buggy" tops, cushions, carriage trimmings, Ac at the loweBt possible prices. Repairs promptly attended to. GE0EGE SP00RER, iCONTRA CTOR FOR ALL KIXDS OF 2IAS0N WORK. Office, Thirteenth St.. between Olive th! Nebraska Avenuor Residence on -the ecier of Eighth and Olive. jiXL "Worlc Guaranteed. 49-tf JS. MURDOCK & SON, Carpenters and Contractors. Havenad an extended experience, and will guarantee satisfaction in work. All kinds of repairing done on short notice. Our motto is, Good work and fair prices. Call and give us an oppor tunitytoestimateforyou. fcShop on 13th St., one door west of Friedhof & Co's. store, Columbus. Nebr. 483-T MANUFACTURER OF Tin and Sheet-Iron Ware ! Job-Work, Soefinf and Gutter- . ins; a Specialty. SjSfTShop on Eleventh Street, opposite Heiatz'a Pruc Store. 46-y Q.W. LAND AND INSURANCE AGENT, HUMPHREY, NBS. Bis lands" comprise some -fine tracts la the Skell Creek Valley, aad the. aorta em portion .of Platte county;Taxes paid-JJll- BQa-residents.. Satiifactioa gusrtk -7 ay -, - OtlTBlU8FACM13iS5 CO COL UM3 US, - NEB., Packers aad "Dealers is all kinds or Hog product, cash paid for'Lire or DeadHegA r grease. '. Directors.-R. H Benry, Prest-John "Wiggins, Sec and Treas;; L. Gerrardi.S. -aTTICE to teacebw1 c J. B. Moncrief, Co. Bapt qrw be in his office at the Court Bouse v the third Saturday- ofeack Sth for the purpose of exasaiahtg PPvsts for teacher's certificates. ;nd for th;Transactton of any other business partat&Bg te tchools. - sfij- COLUMBUS"' STATE BANKI nu-i D-ni usJ ban bnQ COLUMBUS, HEB. CASH CAPITAL, - $50,000 DIRECTORS: Leaxdkk Geeraed, Pres'.U ;,-v ,. , Geo. W. HDLSTf Pjcc Pr7. .TuLins A. "Reed. ' '-5 1 M ' - Edward A.Gerrard. T. E. Taskeii. Cashier. " - - w mJ Baik f Deposit, Dbtceut Kd Exch8ie. CoUecIeMBPr.oiHily ? " nil ?!. . , ly latereitS o Time ll- DREBERT & BRIGGLE t BANKEES! - HUMPHREY, NEBRASKA. i' hill', " '. fili.vdiJ sTPrompt attention given to Col lections). pyinrarance. Real Estate, Loan, etc. 5" LINDSAY &TREK1LL, . K -- F 4 "t "WHOLESALE AND RETAIL FLOOR AND FEED' STORE! Oir, CA-K-E CHOPPED FEED, Bran, Shorts, BOLTED i EIBQLTEB Ml HEAL. GRAHAM FLOUR, ' AND FOUIt KINDS OF THE BEST WHEAT FLOUR ALWA.YS ON HAND. GTA11 kinds of FRUITS In' their sea-' ion. Orders promptly fille.d. . t lltli Street, Colttitilus, Nebr. 47-Gm HEKRY 2G-ASS, COFFINS AND METALLIC CASES AND fnCALER IN rumlture, .Chairs, .Bedsteads, Bu,- reaaa, Tables; Safes. Lounges. Ac-.Tlctore Cramesand Mouldings. &Repairia of all kinds of Upholstery Goods, f . 6-tf COLUMBUS, NEB. GOLD for the -working class Send 10 cents for postajre. and welwill mail you free a roval. valuable box of sample goods that will put joulin.the way of making. more .money in a few -days than you ererhougatcpossible atf-anr buy!-, uess.-. Capitol Vnot required. We .will, start you- xou can.wor an lueiuuti or in spare time only. 3"he work is: univer sally adapted to both sexes, young.ouiU old. You'caa easily earn'from 50 cents to $5 every-ereninjr. -Thrt-al-whe want work may test the busiHelsJ we make this unparalleled.'offer;to allwhaareinot well satisfied, we .will send $1 to pay for the trouble-of; writing Us-. Full ipsrthar lars, directions, etc sent free.- Fottuaes wil( be -made by thseu;who give their whole time to the work. Greatcsuccess absolutely sure. Don! delay. Start now. AddreasjJTtNSON & Co., Portland, Xaine. A WOID of WAmsri-vG. FARMERS, stock raisers; and allother interested "parties will do2 well to remember that the "Western -Horse and Cattle Insurance Co." of Omaha is 'the only company doing business in this state that insures Horses, Mules and Cattle against loss by theft, accidents, diseases, or injury, (as also'a?ainstloss by fire and lightning).-AllTepresentation8 by agents of ether Coafpinies'to thercbntrary not withstanding. HENRY GARN, Special As't, 15-y Columbus, Neb: JAMES SALMON, CONTRACTOR AND 1U1LDER. Plans and estimates supplied for either frame -or brick buildings. Good work ruaraateed: Shop on 13th Street, -near St. PaulcLumber Yard Columbus,-Nebraska. 52 6mo. . t X. WAGNER, J c ,t Livery. SHaeea1 Stable. Is prepared tofuraish the public w.'th good teams,' buggies and.carriages for all ccasioas especially for funerals. 'Also conducts a sale stable. 44 1 Au JaBll--- B ri yJSBBr j LYONAHEALYf """Pgfcsif i i""1" g" iii. aiBtV T'"bbsb 'Sssssws. i 1 1 'iV sBBs k ,. j. h -eoc'tBr X.eBsv e -Vn . '. 'i H !i . ;& i . . iNrational bank.! OI t 1 k c .. i ' ixtd AthoriM!Cpitilf' - - $250,000 Paid ImCapiUl, - 50,000 Sirplns aid Prolts, - - 6.000 OFFICERS 'iKDlintkCTORS. A.'. ANDERSON, Pres'Z SAM'L C. SMITH, Vice Pres't. O. T. ROEN, Cashier. '"'iftf.lTATlLY. HERMAN OEHLRICH, W..A. MCALLISTER, " - Or ANDERSON, " ,C ANDERSON. -"Foreign and Inland Exchange, Passage Tickets, ana Real Estate Loans. 29-vol-13-ly . . . . COAL $ LIME! J.E.10RTH&C0., DEALERS IN . ,, . u -f ., r ft Coal,' - '- -' Lime, l ...- i-.h' ' j j . . - ! ' C !fcO i?v i- s Cement. Bock Spins Coal, .Carbon (Wyom'uig) Coal. EldoiijCIoynO Coal , .$7.00 ptr Ion .. 6.00 " .. 3.50 " . ba! jii ' 'v. Vs"! w ' o Ikckiinith Coal of best quality al , i -ways on kand at low 'tv sut i est prices. North Side Eleventh St., COLUMBUS, NEB. H-3m UNIOK PACITIC LANDFFICE. JmaMFadv-aoJIiumproved. Parms, Hay and.Graziug Lanas ana ouy Property'for Sale Cheap AT THE Union Pacific Land Office, On Lonej Time ow rc of Interest. a 13-Final proof made on Timber Claims, Homesteads und Pre-emption. I3-A11 wihiuR to buy lauds of any de scription, "will please call aud examine my list of lands before, looking else where " fAH having lands to sell will please call and give me a description, term , prices, ejc. ; SS-I a'soum prepared to insure prop erty, a I have the agency of several nWt-class Fire'insurance companies. F. AY, OTT, Solicitor, speaks German. SAMiriEL C. SMITH, 80-tf Columbus, Nebraska. -BECKER & WELCH, PROPRIETORS rOF . SHELL CREEK MILLS. k .. -MA-NTJFACTURERS AND WHOLE- Ti. C :! FLOUR AND MEAL. OFFICE, COLUMBUS, NEB. T - SPEIGE oTNORTH. Genarat-Ageats for the Sale of - REAL ESTATE. 111"' 4 A- K - . i 5) , Uaioa Pacific, and Midland Pacific R. R. Lsadsfor sale at from $3.00 to 110.00 per acre for cash, or on five or ten years time,-ia annual ptymeats to "suit purchasers.--s Weihave -alss a large aad choice lot of other lands, improved and uaimproTed, for sale at low price and on reasonable terns. 'CAlso business and residence lots in the city. We keep a complete abstractor title to all real es tate in Platte Connty. 621 COLUMslU NEB. JmiS ;SCHREIBER,- rZi&LCS. U K!U '. .'j v eis, etc, made ft order, JsJaTWrt2ft!- anteed. !S .bsriidiTioa .e.ok - j Also s'wotIu-oui Salter A. Wood Mowcri, Booptrs, Ceasia ed Xaehinea, rHazreatri, vT beat. Bade. 'Shop.epposiU the .Tattersall," on Olive St., COLUMBUS. 3B-m T'2i K..rXatfrlaB--' KATIE'S KISSES. to me Katie I said : "It's a taste t uvjaim uss mat ia sbb, an- masae Ihey belong- to me now wld yorsolf. An so purty fur Ustia' were made." But site answered an' toold me, wld eyes .That ao star In the sky could eellpae: "An If s thrue ther belong to yersltf. SurahewMdyeaisiyerownllps?" Jast as assy, I cried.' Mas to spake- An' swater nor hooey. -The sun Isopwiderbyfar. But she vowed The Ukes uv It couldn't be done. Thin I offered the same to restore Wld a seal jls as thrue as the day; But aae said: "I 'udnever take back What once I had given away." "An I'll llnd ye the loan uv 'em. dear," I replied: but wld inaalte scora She axeddidl think that her lips Were saade fur to rlat or to pawn? Xaln I sat jlst as mute as a stone. An' niver a word did I say. Till Katie, ooalsy like, pouted her lips (Oca. the rogue 1) in a ravlsain' way. An' wld dimples to ttmpt all the saints. An wld blushes "way up to her brow. As soft as an angel she spake: "'CTdyelike To be lindin' the loan uv 'em now ?" C. B. Thayer, in Harper's iiagaztn. TOO MUCH FOR HUNRY JOE. The Priswe f Ceaafleaee Mea SwlssUesl sty a sw-bsbt. A few weeks s?o a man arrayed in store clothes, a slouch hat and blue spectacles registered at a fashionable hotel on Broadway as B. Ashley, of Abilene, Kan. The stranger had just come in by the Western express from Chicago on the Erie Road. His gar ments were the product of a ready-made clothing store in Abilene, and they ad ded slightly to his general bucolic ap pearance. His hands and face were tanned, be walked with the parentheti cal gait of one whose legs had been curved by years spent in the saddle, and his. bearing was in other respects indicative of the wild Western border man. Mr. Ashley speedily developed other tendencies of the prairie type. He insisted upon going out for exercise on horseback, every morning shortly after daybreak, and upon these occasions he employed his own rawhide bridle and his well-worn Mexican saddle, which had formed a part of his luggage. His accent was a peculiar blending of En- flish and Western types of speech. He ad weak eyes and was in consultation with a prominent physician here, while stopping for a month in New York on his way to Europe to put himself under the care of the most eminent oculists abroad. Mr. Ashley seemed to have very little occupation beyond horseback riding at unearthly hours of the morn ing, visiting his man of medicine in the afternoon, and lounging about the im mense and richly-gilded rotunda of the hotel in the evening". He was bounti fully supplied with cash, and he ex Srcded it with considerable liberality, e smoked a good deal, but drank lit tle, because his doctor had objected to one habit and absolutely forbidden the other, by reason of its effect on the pa tient's eyes. Many people about the hotel drank at the expense of Mr. Ash ley, but he seldom indulged himself in morecheeringbeverages than lemonade and vichy. One day Mr. Ashley strolled through the lobby of the hotel in the company of a young' man whose face is well known to the regular promenaders of Broad way. This young man is always fault lessly dressed aud clean shaven. He has prominent features and peculiarly thin and compressed lips. He lives handsomely and always has plenty of cash. With his new-found companion. Mr. Ashley, the weak-e3'cd child of the guileless West, occupied a seat in the oar-room for some .little time. Upon this occasion Mr. Ashley departed from his usual custom sufficiently to assist in the liberal absorption of champagne. Wnen his llroadway mend went away, Mr. Ashley sauntered again through the office of the hotel. He was beckoned by one of the clerks. "Mr. Ashley, how long since you have been in New York?'" queried the .gentleman behind the diamond stud. "Near eight year," responded that uninformed gentleman. "Never was here afore, and never since." "Do you know the person who just left you?" "Yes. Met him two nights ago at the Madison Square. I couldn't buy a seat, and he offered me one of his. Said his friend hadn't come, and he would be glad to accommodate a stran ger; so we sat together. Seems to be a nice sort of a chap." "1 have no doubt of that," continued the clerk, with a slight air of superior knowledge, not unblended with sar casm. That young man is Hungry Joe, one of the'most celebrated confi dence operators in America." "You don't say," drawled the West ern man slowly," and with some aston ishment. "Well, I'm darned." He went thoughtfully away. That night the young man with the thin lips and the handsome clothes called for Mr. Ashley after dinner. As they came through the office the occidental inuo cent took out a large pocket-book filled to repletion with money, drew from its 'inner recesses about 8500, and deposited the wallet, with the balance of its con tents, in the hotel safe. His companion viewed this proceeding with a passive face but a gleaming eye, and the two went out together. Mr. Ashley returned to the hotei just in time to take his -morning ride on horseback. He slept until about four in the afternoon. Then he drew $200 from his wallet and left. "You are fully warned." observed the clerk, as he handed over the amount, "and it is your own fault if you lose any money to Hungry Joe." 'Correct," responded Mr. Ashley, stuffing the bills into his pocket. His next appearance in the hotel was a little after midnight, and this time he Sut $300 away in the wallet, with the eclaration that the New York sharps might be pretty stiff on bunko, but they were a little behind the times on draw poker. "In my country," he explained, "two deuces and a bowie will open a a jack pot every time." Mr. Ashley passed several days in quiet andseclnsion. A full week went by before he driftedout again with his companion of the compressed lips. The next day after that he drew a round $1,000. from the safe; and' seemed an noyed when the clerk smiled a broad and knowing smile. ' "No game ever phased me, said Mr. Ashley, in a dog ged way, "and a man who can hold up his end with cow-boys isn't going to be bested by any broadcloth brigade that was ever hatched." There was a lull W eight or ten days in the proceedings, and then: Jar. Ashley drew another $1,000- A couple of days later he drew $850 more. That afternoon he went fora drive with his gentlemanly com panion. His face -had been suffused with sadness all the morning, but it was.noticed that he seemed somewhat brighter on "his return from the drive. That eveTringHungry Joe and two of gaawall knewn Broadway companions spent several hours in earnest conver sation with Mr. Ashley. That gentle jnaaVweakeyesaaade it necessary for J'I'7 .. . .-.... .. -"l aim to wear bis broad, hat well down over his forehead. When the three ysung men went away the 'merest shadow of a smile played about the mouth of the Western man. From the table at which they sat the three Jypung fellows went straight to the" telegraph' omce, wnere they sentrtne zoiiowmg dispatch: Postmaster, Abilene. Kan: Do you know Benjamin Asniey, cattle raiser? Telegraph full particulars, my ex pense. R. Dicksoh. Brower House, Mew Tork. The reply was evidently, in all re spects satisfactory, and within two days Mr. Ashley received in his rooms at the hotel a visit from the 'three confi dence operators and a. lawyer, who is more or less celebrated in this, city.-: The head porter of the hotel was called, up into the room after the visitors had been there an hour or longer, and was requested to append, his signature to a certain document in the capacity of a witness to the signing thereof. This done, and the papers signed by Mr. Ashley, a large sum of money was paid over by the gentleman with the. thin lips and the porter retired with a five dollar bill out of the pile. The visit ors slowly withdrew from the hotel and Mr. Ashley deposited that night the sum of $14,000 cold cash in the office of the hotel. Two davs afterward he took passage on a Guion steamer for Liverpool, naving explained to the ho tel clerk that he had sold a half-interest in his Kansas cattle ranch to his friends, and that Hungry Joe. as he was called, had expressed a wish to re tire from city life. Mr. Ashley was "seen off" by his enthusiastic New York acquaintances after'the most ap- E roved style of the art. They toasted im right royally iu "yellow label," presented him with a big basket of flowers with the word "iarewell" in large blue letters across the center, and otherwise marked his departure with ev idences of tender regard. Mr. Ashley had been gone from the fashionable Broadway hotel precisely eleven days, when a tall man came in from a carriage that was loaded with trunks and steamer chairs and other ap pliances of ocean travel, lie signed him self on the register, "Benjamin Ashley, London." The clerk looked up hur-' riedly as if to apologize for not recog nizing his guest, then looked surprised, muttered abasty word or two, and as signed the stranger a room, all in a confused and preoccupied way. This was apparently another Benjamin Ash ley. He was tall and slender, and well dressed, and pale. But he spoke with a slightly Americanized English accent, not unlike that of the other Benjamin Ashley. The clerk was pretty well puz zled, and that night he took good care to have the stranger's full name and address inserted in the list of arrivals published daily in a periodical devoted to that purpose and carefully read by the confidence fraternity. The clerk went on duty early the next day, and as he bad fully expected, one ot the nrst callers was the thin-lipped young man, who asked to have his name sent up to Mr. Ashley's room. Word came back that Mr. Ashley would see the gentle man in the drawing-room, and thither the clerk followed after a moment. Hungry Joe was sitting in a large arm chair when the tall man from London came into the apartment. The New Yorker merely bestowed a passing glance on Mr. Ashley and looked away. The Englishman, however, seeing no one else excepting the clerk, advanced courteously and said: "Did you wisli to see me? I am Mr. Ashley." "Eh?" queried Hungry Joe, with a startled look. "You're not Mr. Benja min Ashley?" "Precisely." "Not of Kansas?" "Yes, of Albilene, Kan. How can I serve you?" The thin lips of the confidence man were rather white by this time, and they were more firmly compressed than ever. He regarded "the tall English men in a dazed fashion for a few mo ments. Then he asked: "Do you own a large cattle ranch thirty-five miles south of Albilene?" "I believe I do. Why do you ask?" "Been to Europe to have your eyes doctored?" "Yes, 1 have been abroad four months. But, my young friend, these questions are rather odd. Please ex plain yourself." "Odd!" echoed the Broadway man. "Well, I should think they were. If yon are Benjamin Ashley, and yon do own that ranch, the cleverest man in the country has given me a deal, that's all. Why, it ain t two weeks ago that me and two mends bought a hail inter est in that ranch, and, by George! the man who sold us stopped in this same hotel." Mr. Ashley seemed rather astonished by this information, and beckoned the clerk, who had been listening to their conversation quite intently.. That indi viduaLgave a careful description of the previous Mr. Ashley, and the New York sharper told how he had won some $3,250 from the man, who was on his way to Europe fox the benefit of his eyes. He had represented himself as the owner of the Ashley ranch, and at his request the speaker had telegraphed the Abilene Postmaster, who had re plied, giving "details as to the property, which is valued at about $50,000, and had added that Mr. Ashley himself had gone abroad for medical treatment. The man had represented that he wanted to make certain expenditures in Europe, and that his card losses would prevent unless he could dispose of an interest in his ranch, lie produced deeds to establish his ownership, and they seemed satisfactory even to the lawyers. Thinking he bad a chance to jjjet $25,000 worth of material for $14, 000 the victim had taken two friends in with him, and by clubbing together they had raised the necessary amount. "Really," observed the Englishman, when the recital was finished, "I am very sorry for you, but you have un questionably been swindled. For my part I shall not have the slightest diffi culty in establishing my identity. As to your friend, the bogus Mr. Ashley, he is probably one of my cow-boys, Henry Barnes by name. The descrip tion certainly fits that person. He came to the ranch let me see about fourteen months ago"" and asked for a place. Now I remember he wasn't much like the other bovs, but 1 needed more help, and I took him on. He may have been in hiding for some crime, for all I know. But on the plains we can scarcely go into such matters. He did his work all right, and seemed rather more refined than his companions, though he tried to conceal it. I heard once or twice from my men that he played a very cold hand at poker." "He does," said Hungry Joe, mourn fully. "Hewas an. expert penman, now I come to think of it, ana he did some work of that sort for me. He was still there when I came away." "And that's the cuss who got off to YiSmtVtjh. wifk mi mnnAV Tiv,rv litm " burst in the" aefrauded confidence op erator, angrily.' -'"WKatV worset ho'3' went away full of fay champagne,7 and smelling.of my basket of flowers. -That man's an infernal iwindler, that's what oe"is." N:Y. Times. a The Opera, What is this? , This, darling, is' the opera. My! but who are all these people? The audience, my love. But they seem to be bored to death. They are, dear. ,, Then why dp-they come? To be looked at. Gracious, Is that a pleasure? Yesyiprecious:. Why,- how? Why, the privilege costs about ten dollars an hour: Then only rich people can afford it? Only the-immensely-rich, dear. But I see there, a young man who is not immensely rich. Yes. How can he afford it, then? Directly he cannot: indirectly he can How "indirectly?" Why, he will eventually make his tailor foot the bill. Those funny people on the stage Sh! dear they are singing. Singing what? A duet. Why do they doet? Hush, darling. Are they unwell? Why no, mv precious! Then why does that queer little gen tleman with the short trousers and tin sword throw himself around as if he were suffering from green watermelon. Because he is a tenor. Why is he called a. tenor? He charges tenor fifteen dollars a minute for his work. And the other the lady with vocal hysterics? She is the prima donna. Is she singing, too?- Oyes. " But neither of these people have any notes? Yes, thev have. Where? " In their pockets. Can they sing without these notes? Yes, they can. but they won't. Is not the poor manager a great phi lanthropist to bring all these people to gether and pay them so much? O, yes. We should thank the poor manager very heartily. Of .course. Wc should be willing to pay him any sum he chooses to ask, shouldn't we? ' Certainly, dear. He is so disinterested. Very, my love. We should likewise be very grateful to that excited little gentleman with the ebony stick, who looks like he were flapping his wings aud trying to crow? Yes. He often succeeds in quite drowning the prima donna in a torrent of fid dling? Yes, dear that is his business. These people in the boxes seem to be very tired. Verv. They are trying very hard not to lis ten. Yes, sweet. But I thought people went to the opera to hear the music? That was in the dark ages, love. What is music? Music is a harmonious combination or succession of certain sharps, flats aud naturals. What is a sharp? A sharp, my dear, is a well, do yon remember that gentleman we passed in tin; lobby, with the buttery smile and corpulent pocket-book? Why, that was the manager. Yes" my sweet. Well? He is a sharp. And what are flat? Look in the bagniores and see the stockholders. And a natural? The young man you spoke of who spent his little all for a seat. He is natural what? Idiot. Life. m The Lesson of Peter .Cooper' Life. The highest lesson taught by Mr. Cooper was the lesson of hi- own life. As much as, or more thau any one I ever knew, Mr. Cooper solved the prob lem: "Is life worth living?" Observing him carefully for a long scries of years, it appeared that certain parts of his nature were cultivated in tentionally, as the result of a wisdom which discriminated what was really worth cariug for from what was not worthy of pursuit. Personal ambitions or selhsh aims had no weight with him. and disappointments and annoyances which would have left deep wounds with many passed off from him with scarcely an observation. He was most kind and loving; but if he were usefully employed, no domestic loss or separa tion from friends seemed to touch his happiness seriously. He spoke often of his preference for plain living, and his habits were as simple :i thoe of a child. Love of pomp or display never touched him in the slightest, and he had an innocent openness of character which concealed nothing. Never, un der any circumstances, did he show a t particle of malignity, revenge or mean ness, if people disappointed him, he tiassed over the wound it made and let lis mind dwell on something more sat isfactory. Swedenborg's phrase, "the wisdomof innocence," often occurred to my mind in observing Mr. Cooper. He knew what was wiae, aud to that his heart was given. Sensitive as any young man in all works of sympathy or kindness, the mean and bad ways of the world fell off from his perception. So his life passed iu New York and in the Cooper Union, serene, happy and contented. With "honor, love, obedi ence, hosts of friends," he was an ex ample and encouragement to those who had not gained the quiet heights on which his inner self habitually dwelt. Mrs. Carter, in the Century. It was only four years ago that Chester P. Lord was a reporter on the New York Sun. Then he was made night editor,' getting a salary of $40 a week. About six months afterward he was given $100 a week. Now he is editorial manager of the paper at $10. 000 a year. WTien Mr. Dana retires, which must be soon, he will succeed to $15,000 a year. We throw these facta out as a little pointer to the public in their estimate of newspaper men.- Chicnijo Inler-Ocean. Jones asked his wife: "Why is a husband like dough?" He expected she wooldgive it up, and he was going to tell her that it was because a woman needs him; but she said it was becaus he was hard to get off her hands. Chi cago Tribune. o- Among the thousand of outsiders who" dabbled in Wall, street ten years ago. was one I don't want to- give his. real name, but wo will call him Richards. He operated' through our house, that 3. the house in which I was employed a book-keeper, and, as he soon became a daily visitor, I got to know him so well that we-often had a familiar chat. I sometimes met him in tho evening be sides, and our acquaintance ripened into intimacy. At first his luck in the street was pretty good, and one day, when ho had made a thousand or so in an hour, lie asked me to dine with him that even ing at Delmonico's. Most of our talk was about the street, and when a bottle of wine had made itprctty free, I vent ured to suggest that, as be had. done pretty well, he should begin to think aftout getting out. "Well," he said, "I have thought about it, but I don't see my way just yet. I must have $10,000 a year for my family, and how else can I get it?" "I asked him if his .family was .large, and he said it consisted of his wife, two daughters and a son "And you need $10,000 a year to live on; isn't that pretty high?" "Well," he said, "high or low, I can't get on with less. The girls aro always asking for money. In summer the3'"must go to the watering-places with their mother, and in the winter there is a ball or a party every week. It costs a great deal of money, and the money must be had in some way." "May I ask how much money you have as'capital that is, money you can really call your own?" " Well, altogether, I suppose I could rake up $80,000. Now, what I want to know is how I could use that so as to make $10,000 a year. I don't really fancy the Wall street business, but what am 1 to do? I must have $10,000 a year, and, though I have looked around a good deal, I can not find any other business that will produce it." "Why not reduce your expenses? You say von can't do with less than 810,000? I think you are mistaken. Many families live on less than -5,000, and some on $;,000. Does your family j know just how much money 3-011 have? ' " I have tried over and over to make them understand, but it is no ue. When the3 want anything there is no peace till they get it" and when 1 say 1 can not afford it the'tell me the- know I have plent of nio"ne3 I really can't make them understand or believe that my means arc limited, and the amount of the matter is I must have $10,000 a year." I lost sight of Richards soon after by going to another house where I had a'better offer, but I heard from time to time that his luck was not so good. It must have been five 3'ears bofore I met him again. He looked like another man; his face was careworn and his clothing barel3' e.-i'njied shabhin tss. After a few words I risked him if he was still in the street. "No," he said, "that's all over.'' "Well, I hope von crime out ill right?" "All right?" Yes, if 'ou call com ing out without a dollar all right." 1 was sony, of course, to hear of hii illj-luck, and asked him if lie had gonti into an3 busines. No. he said, it wa not eas for a man with nothing to go Into business; but his friends were try ing to do something for him. anil there was some hope that the' would suc ceed. Thev were trying to get him a place in the diatom-house. I asked Lim what the sala was, and he understood it was $1,500. chance of something better he said with a alter a cruel to said live awhile. It would have been remind him of what he hail years ago about not being able to live on less than $10,001, but while we were lunching together he gave me to under stand that he was living, with his wife and daughters, in a small house on the outskirts' of Brooklyn, and that the son had obtained a clerkship at fifteen dol lars a week, which was the chief 'up port of the family. X. Y. Cor. Detroit Free Pres. m -- A Fresh Romance. Mr. Thomas Evans, of Louisville, Ky. was formerhr a photographer. In the hopes of bettering hU fortunes he went to Arkansas on a prospecting tour. That was in the early part of 1&2. It will be remembered that last year a series of most destructive flood- oc curred in Arkansas Cities and villages were invaded by the relentless element. One night the rain came, and with scores of others, Mr. Evans awoke to find himself in the grasp of the waters. He was rescued by some adventurous boatmen, but in sueh a weak, uncon scious condition that for eight hours he was believed to be dead. He was taken to a hospital, where he was seized with an illness which kept him in his bed for twelve months, and well-nigh proved fatal. When he grnd uall' recovered he found himself para lyzed in the arm and hand so tiiat he could not write. The letters he dic tated were either miscarried or never tent, so that the onby intelligence he re ceived from home was a report of the death of his wife. He recovered all bin the use of his hand after awhile, ami then it was months before he was able to return to look up his children. In the meantime it was reported here that he was drowned in the flood, from which, indeed, lie so narrowly escaped. Mrs. Evans refused for a long time to believe what every one else accepted as truth, until: as the weeks and months rolled on, with no other tidings of either good or ill, she was at hist forced to conclude herself a widow. The pros pect aliead of her was a dreary one. A joyous surprise was, however, in 3toro for her. As she sat at her window Thursda-, near noon, looking out on the street, her C3'e was caught b- what seemed a familiar tijrure. Her heart beat wildly, and looking closely, she saw what seemed to be the gho-t of her husband hobbling along the street on crutches and looking eager3- around for tho house to which he nad been directed- Had a thunderbolt struck her she could not have been more aston ished, and. almost fainting, she sank into a chair, deathly white aud trembling. Her little daughter, fright ened at her mother's unnatural appear ance, ran to her side, and in a weal: voice was told to run down to th -looi and meet her father. The child went to the window, and looking out, sau her father approaching.but the crutches deceived her, and, returning to het mother, she said the man was-not he! papa. By this time, though, he had reached the door, and in anoth er moment was in the arm- of his wif. Tlie meeting was an aflectionMe one. Husband and wife were alike averjo3"ei at the discover of the cruel mistakt under which they had been laboring, and the children were almost insani with happiness. Louisville (-nTy.) Cour ier-Journal. Connecticut has a boy whose arts grows out of the middle of his back. A .Wall Street Taable. . Hakiasr Gold. Yestccdaj'afternoon a Journal- re porter met an elderly acquaintance at tho Dcnisou House. "I've had some thing on my mind for about three weeks that I think ought to be told. There's a moral goes with the story, but I don't furnish that, onh the story. A little more than a month ago a gen tleman came here to tho Denison Houso at least I met him here. He was a Hungarian, a man of medium height, wore his hair, which, like his beard, was black as a raven's wing, quite long, while his whiskers, that curled beautiful!-, were neatly trimmed. His skin was" of olive hue. his nose hooked and his age about forty-live years. He was a delightf ully smooth and ready talker, being a complete master of English, though he spoke it with a decidedly for eign accent. He went, soon after his arrival, to Dun & Co.'s agency, and stating that he had an enterprise in which he might desire to interest a number of capitalists, was furnished with the names and rating of several of those amiable and interesting gentle men. He represented himself as a chemist, and opened out his plan with as much secrecy as a dealer in counter feit coin. Ho had found tho secret hunted for through several" centuries, aud could transmute metals to gold. The few citizens he approached were too shy to entertain his propositions, and he did not even unfold them; but he got two elderlygentlemeu interested (don't look at "mo. that way: I'm not one of 'cm), and renting an up-stairs room on South Mcridan street, fitted it up with lead-lined tanks, curious shaped bottles, crucibles, retorts, alem bics, etc., so that it looked like tho lair of a medkeval alchemist. He had tho room fixed up like an illicit medicine, secure from observation," and every thing was altogether mysterious. lie didn't show the capitalists his hand un til tiic room was ready. Then ho brought them there and showed his ap paratus, which of course impressed them. He told them he had come from New York with little "more than $100. He could not undertake to do what ho wanted to do there. Ho could trans mute metals into gold: had spent his life and fortune in acquiring the secret, and if he did not know that lie could do u iiat lie promised he would commit suicide, as life was not worth having any longer. He impressed my friends with his earnestness. At the" labora tory he took two $20 gold pieces, $2.50 in silver, and chemicals which he said cost $20, iu all, as he represented, a total value of $42.50. and with this ho proposed to make $120 in gold. "Indeed, he told the two amateur al chemists that they themselves might put the material in the crucible. He would staud at the other side of the room, and thev could make tho gold themselves. He explained to them that the gold and ilver needed in the exper iment had been subjected to the potent influences of compound gases for the purpose of revivifying their molecular energies. This did not show any ex ternal change in the coin, but tho molecular transition had, he said, nev ertheless taken place. "They put the gold silver and chem ical compound into the crucible, and in a little while poured out a nugget which, as he said, was actually gold, with a trace of dvcr, and worth nearl- 3120. "My old friend- were very much ex cited. They mado a ha-ty calculation ami thought they -aw $50,000 a day ele-ir profit -if they worked hard at tho melting pot, $75,000. But they sus pected theehemieal compound: it might be hocussed. and so furnish tho addi tional gold in the nugget. Tho amia ble Hungarian smiled and g:uc them a portion of the chemical to have ana lyzed. They had it done, and there wasn't a trace of the valuable metal iu it. On finding the stranger's won! thus confirmed they were eager to close with him, but they restrained their ardor and asked a few more que-tion-;. They wanted to know if lie could transmute metal- into gold why did lie need sil ver, and. above all. why did lie need gold to assist in the transmutation. Easily explained. He -aid that ho had discovered that gold was not. as chem ists held, an element. Nothing of tho kind; it was a compound. He had dis covered all the ingredients that go to make up the compound called gold, ex cept one, and that had partiallv to ho supplied by gold itself and a little sil ver, both being requisite to supply that want. "He had nearly silenced eM-ry doubt, and the capitalists wore about to invest, when, for some reason, the Hungarian gntfrightened and skipped the town, aud they were thus undoubtedly -aved from being tho dupes of as ch'vera-coundrel as over walked in shoe leather. I a-ked a scientific friend of mine how he sup posed the Hungarian managed tho thing, as my friend undoubtedly rolled out tiic nugget. His idea was that it was donu by a clever slight-of-hand. or that tho -ilver nieces might have been filled with gold, though' that wouldn't account for all the gold turned out of the nugget. Of course it was a swindle, and I am surprised that two sueh old. acute, and long-headed financier- -hould have so narrowly escaped being taken in. I'm not quite sure he didn't get money enough of them to pay hi hotel expenses hero, at Ieat. If I were to give you tire names of the gentlemen who wanted to go into the manufacture of gold, you wouldn't but. by Jove. I will give 'em to you, but you musn't publish 'em." When the reporter heard the names he tumbled in a fit. and has just recov ered sufficiently to be able to write tho foregoing. Indianapolis Journal. Traveling on Hi Wood Looks. "Whare air you fruiu, stranger?" asked an inquisitive Arkansaw man of a commercial traveler. "O, up tho road apiece." "But now fur up the road?" "It might be farther, and then again it mightn't." Yer peart, stranger, but I'd like ter know how fur ye've come." "O, about as" far again as half from the forks of the road." "I s' posed so. Say, now, how' re yer travelm"?" "Why, along this road, of course." "I s'nosed so, but that aint how." "Well, I'm going away from the starting place." "I s)csed so. but I want ter know just how you're travelin'." "Gaze bn me; I'm traveling on my good looks." "That's enough, stranger. I don't know how fur you've come, caze I don't know yer age. but I'll bet a coon skin it'll take six months' travelin' that way, to get from one side of the road to t'other." Merchant Traveler. A crank arrested in Pittsburgh claimed to be a son of President Gar field, stolen when seven months old. Pittsburgh Post.