r
THE JOURNAL.
WEDNESDAY, FEB. 20, 1881.
fcterei it its SztzZzt, Ccl-atas. st.. u ne4-
eUn ratter.
.- TZf-E CITY CAT.
He is gaunt and thin, with a ragged coat,
A scraggy tail and a bunted look;
No Bonjrs of melody burst from bis throat
As he seeks repose In some quiet nook
Jl safe retreat from this world of sin,
And all of its boots and stones and that
For the life of a cat is a life of din,
Ifhelsacity cat.
Hejs grumpy and stumpy and old and gray.
With a sleepy look in his lonely eye,
(The other he lost at a matinee .
Knocked out by a boot from a window high).
Wherever he goes, he norer knows
Quarter or pause in the midnight spat.
For the life of a cat Is a life of blows.
If he is a city cat.
He is pelted by boys if he stirs abroad.
He is chased by uoj-s if he dares to roam;
His grizzled bosom has never thawed
"Neath the kindly blare of the light of home;
His life's a perpetual warfare, waged
On balcony, back yard fence, and flat;
For the life of a cat is a life outraged
If he is a city cat.
The country cat Is a different beast.
Petted, well-housed, demure and sleek;
Three rimes a day he is called to feast.
And why should he not be quiet and meek?
No dreams of urchins, tin cans end war
Disturb his sensuous sleep on the mat;
Ah I cat life is a thing worth living for.
If he Isn't a city cat.
And even when dead, the city cat
With strident members uneasy lies
In some alley-way. and seems staring at
A coming toe with his wild, wide eyea.
Nobody owns him and nobody cares
Another dead "Tom," and who mourns for
that
If he's only a city cat.
Providence, Prem.
A' EX-REPORTER'S STORY.
"WHy Mr. Haddock Went Into the Csml
Business.
While I was on the train going from
Leailville to Colorado Springs, a couple
of years a;ro, chance threw me into the
company of a gentleman named George
W. Haddofk, who run a large coal yard
on Larimer Street, in Denver. I had
known him slightlv before; ho was
a stoutly built, middle-aged man, and
always seemed to me to have a rather
exclusive and austere air about him;
but when v,-a fell to talking, as folks
will do on the cars, I found him a very
clever and agreeable companion, He
was, however, an extremely practical
man, and constantly applied his, no
doubt, vcrj praiseworthy business
habits to every-day life reducing the
splendid blue mountains we could see
out of the window to their height in
feet, speculating upon the possibilities
of pasturing mules on the beautiful
rolling plain between, and calculating
the square yards of timber in the grand
old pine forests in such a way as to
trip all the picturesqueness off a land
scape and leave nothing but a dry
skeleton of facts and figures. Still, with
all this, he was, as I have said, a very
pleasant and agreeable gentleman.
I was a newspaper reporter at the
time, and our conversation happened to
drift upon my profession. Mr. Haddock
romarked:
4 'I was a newspaper reporter once
myself, although, perhaps, you would
never have thought it."
To tell the truth, I never would, for
I believed Mr. Haddock to be the most
matter-of-fact and prosaic of men, and,
in an inoffensive way, I told him so.
Keall3 had I been asked to pick out
the least imaginative of things, I do
not know whether I should have selected
2VIr. Haddock or the multiplication
table.
"Well,'" he said, squaring himself
around so as to face me and block off
retreat. "1 am not surprised, for I
firmly believe that the event which
drove mo out of the profession drove at
tJie same time e cry spark of fancy and
imagination out of my composition, and
filled me with such a dread and horror
of such things that, if I have ever in
dulged them since, it has been stealthi
ly, like people so uptimes indulge bad
habits on the sly."
He paused and his eyes assumed that
glassy, inward look, which I have
Enticed always precedes a reminiscense
with some people.
A g-ood nianv vears ajjo," ho went
on, "1 secured a position on a daily
paper published well, it doesn't make
any particular difference to you where;
it was in one of the large Eastern cities.
though. Uefore this all my newspaper
experience had been in the est. .Now,
you may happen to known thatouthere
there is not that morbid craving for
iiiiiu mat ciiai.n-ic-ri.cs jiuamii; jour
nalism, and I had been taught that a
straightforward, honest, candid lie,
well dressed up and tenaciously stuck
to, answeied every purpose when news
was short. I was 3'onng, then, enthu
siastic, and full of grand, visionary
schemes of doing something startling,
that would make me suddenly famous.
At that time I was firmly convinced that
I was a remarkable genius, and that as
soon as the people in the East found it
out. I would have uouifliculty in getting
a job as proprietor of one of the'metro
politan dailies. I would not, I thought,
break the news to them too harshly or
suddenly, but dally with them for a
while, and then, all at once, blaze out.
"Well, I found matters a little differ
ent from what I had anticipated, and
had no difficulty dallying. The city
editor was a cold, soulless crea
ture, who did not have the least hesi
tancy in boiling down a two-column
flight of fancy to a two-line item, and
seemed to take great pains to extract
all the bright, joj-ous little fictions out
of my manuscript and leave it a barren
waste of facts. For instance, one night
when a stable burned down he cut out
a column of splendid descriptive mat
ter about the 'iro fiend," the 'lurid red
tongues of fiame.' 'the department be
ing promptly on hand,' and 'the alarm
ringing out on the midnight air,' that
would nave been considered superb out
West, you know, and asked me what in
the dickens I meant by not telling what
street the barn was on and who owned
it. In that way he suppressed me and
kept me down, but in my heart of
hearts I was convinced that it was only
fear, and that he had discovered my
genius and was aware if he gave me the
least show I would instantly supercede
him. So I bided my time and watched
for an opportunity. -
"It so happened that in the latter
part cf ilarch the city editor went oft
on a visit and left in his place a very
slip-shod fellow named Perkins, who
let things take just about their own
course. Here was my chance, and
while I was thinking in what particu
lar manner to blaze, the idea of getting
up a 1st of April hoax struck me like
an inspiration, and I adopted it at
once. In the course of the day several
subjects for it suggested themselves to
me, but I rejected them as being too
simple or not ixteresting enough for
the people, for yon see I was deter
mined to paralyze the entire commu
nity at one fell swoop. Finally I set
tled down on wrecking an excursion
train that was due early on the morning
of .the 1st. as coinbinins' the most
points of advantage. j
"When I come to look back at it
througli the lapse of years and mist of .
time," Mr. Haddock went on, in a low, '
thrilling tone,- "I know it was, indeed,
a deep-laid plot, and what a cheerful,
sanguinary 5'cung creature I must have
been. I had the wreck occur about'
four miles from the city, so as to pre-.
' vent any contradictory reports from
getting in too soon. I even hunted up
a list of the excursionists, which had;
been published in a rival newspaper, '
and, cutting it in two, headed one-half
Dead!' and the other half 'Horribly I
Maxgled!' and then incorporated ft ia j
Hiyaccouat- I went so far as to pick;
.,but"the names of fiveor sixladies wkhb .
"Xzticog&izea as promiasat im ssdMgr
(the excursionists were nearly all women;
and children), and made them subjects;
of special paragraphs, dwelling upon
their shocking mutilation, and pictur
ing the gory scene in all its sickening
details. The whole thing wound up
with a description of how the coaches'
caught lire and burned two or three
dozen of the victims alive.
"When the fatal night came around,
it seemed as if everything- conspired in
my favor. I had been a iittleafraid.pf
the foreman, for he had a habit, com
mon to foremen, of scrutinizing -everything
as though he was personally re;
sponsible for the sentiments of the pa
per; but on that particular night he got
beastlv drunk, and slapped in every
thing in a perfectly reckless manner." I
was glad of it, for" I didn't want any
one to share the credit with me.- I read
the proof myself, and, to make a long
story short, the paper came out with
my hoax displayed the next morning.
" "I didn't go to bed at all that night.
so as to be on hand the first thing aud
watch developments; and when I walked
up to the office after breakfast I was
delighted to see how the papers were
selling. Men wouldn't wait for any
change, but would tear them open and
read like mad; and I knew from scrap
of conversation I heard as I passed
along that everybody was talking about
it. I remember, too, that there was an
unusual number of hacks dashing past,
and I noticed with secret joy that they
were all pointed toward the depot.
I was a little surprised, tbongh. to see
the street in from of the o.'lice blocked
with, people, and also at the corner,
where I encountered a large delegation
who inquired the way. I direc' cd them,,
but I saw with an eerie feeling that tho:
gentleman who appeared to be the
spokesman carried a bucket of tar in
his hand and had a feather-tick under
his arm.
"It seems strange to me, now that I
look the matter over calmly and dis
passionately, that it did not strike me'
as peculiar that several men in the
crowd carried long, rough -rails, or
that there was a weird, solemn hush
upon the multitude, as though the'
were expecting some one; but I was so
full of joy and satisfaction that I
climbed up to the editorial rooms, feel
ing only that I had succeeded beyond
my wildest anticipations, and had only
to await my reward. Presently, from
down below, I heard a kind of murmur
like the sea, only louder, and then a
man talking at the top of his voice, ap
parently expostulating or explaining
something. Then somebody came up
stairs four steps at a time, and the pro
prietor burst into the room. His name
was O'Niel. I can see him now. He
was a short, fat man, with a ring of
stubby black hair, like a monk's, around
his head. He had a copy of the paper
in his hand, and as soon as he saw me
he assumed a most peculiar expression
it was something like that of a man
who sits down on a tack and endeavors
to appear unmoved. I tried to look
modest and worthy.
" 'Haddock,' he said, in a suppressed
voice, pointing to ray article, 'Haddock,
do you know ho did this?'
" 'Yes, sir.'
'Who?'
" 'I, sir.'
"He kept looking down at the floor,
so I could see only his bald circle I have
alluded to, but I noticed it turned a
deep, royal purple, and the thought
struck me that may be the knowledge
of having me on the staff for so long
without knowing my merits was going
to prove too much for him. He bore
up under it, though, and, swallowing
something in his throat, said, in a calm
I can remember now what a deathly,
calm tone it was:
" 'Then let me inform yon. sir, that
no such an accident ever took place.'
" 'I know it,' I said, grinning.
"A rich, prismatic wave of color,
like a piece of a rainbow c'Jibiuing all
tints, passed over O'Niel's bald spot,
and, lest he might fall in a fit, I took
the paper out of his hands and pointed
with a triumphant chuckle to the date.
" 'Don't you know,' I cried, gayly,
'that everything goes on April 1st?
"He stared at me for an instant, and
then he burstnto a wild laugh; it' was
not at ail natural, but a kind of a gur
glinginsane sound, such as you hear a
star at a theater make just" before he
grabs his forehead, you know, and
says, 'Me brain reels!'"
" 'Do I understand you,' he finally
asked, 'that cverytltinq senseless, and
false, and idiotic should properly go to
day?' "I did not see the low, covert mean
ing in his words, and said yes.
" 'Then come with me,' he answered,
'we have something to say to you in
the counting-room.'
"Heavens! Why did I follow nim?
Why did I trust "him? O. why did I
not instantly fly? In the calm moments
of after years, I have often put these
questions to myself; but I was guileless
then, and saw none of the deep, lurking
treachery of his proposition.
"I remember, as in a dim, unpleasant
dream, that the office was full of peo
ple; I remember that O'Niel yelled out
Here he is!' then of several "men sud
denly peeling oft their coats; I remem
ber I inquired curiously whether there
was going to be a fight, and of one of
them replying that some folks might
not call it a fight, but just simply a
massacre.
"Afterward," Mr. Haddock went on,
wiping the perspiration from his fore
head, "afterward, when I lay tossing
and gibbering on my narrow iron cot
at the hospital, and" watched the golden
summer weeks drift lowly past into
the mellow autumn, and learned to
keep my false teeth in, I vowed that if
kind Providence spared me, and let the
tar get entirely off my back, I would
devote the remnant of my life to some
pursuit that offered no temptations to
stray off into the fair, fatal paths of
fancy. You may think, sir, that the
coalbusiness is incompatible with my
vow, but I get around that by hiring a
young man of fertile imagination to
tend the scales, and I never "got off the
books myself, sir, never and that i
why ah! but upon my word,'" he in
terrupted himself, staring suddenly out
of the window, "here's my getting-otl
place. Good day, sir. Stick to the
cold facts. You may not have so much
excitement, but you'll live longer if
you do. and eat more regularly -good
day, sir; pleasant trip to you."
As'the train pulled out he was stand
ing on the platform. He had quite re
covered himself, and waved me a cold,
formal adieu. Orth Harper Stein, in
Texas Siftinqs.
m
Origin or the Potato.
The potato, originally a South Ameri
can plant, was introduced to Virginia
by Sir John Harvey in 1629, though it
was unknown in some counties of Eng
land a hundred and fifty years later.
In Pennsylvania, potatoes" are men
tioned very soon after the advent of the
Quakers; they were not among New
York products in 1695, but in 177.! we
arc told of eleven thousand bushels
grown on one sixteeu-acre patch in the
province. Potatoes were served, per
haps as an exotic rarity, at a Harvard
installation dinner in" 1707; -but the
plant was only brought into culture in
New England at the arrival of -the
Presbyterian immigrants from Ireland
in 1718. Five bushels were accounted
a large crop of potatoes for a Connecti
cut farmer; for it was held that, if a
man ate them every day, he could not
live beyond seven years. Century
Magazine. "
A. D. JCeyes, of Riee County. Miaav,
declined a certificate of electiea. as
County Attorney because be believed
tkat his competitor had cot a 'frrkr
m tae Totes.
Winter Stabling.
A close, warm stable, with no venti
lation, is fully as bad as a cold stable.
When cattle are turned from a close,
warm stable into the yard, on a cold
winter's day, the change, from one ex
treme to the other, is so great that they
cannot relish the change, especially
after -having first filled up with ice water
-from trough- or -stream. All the en
joyment -of out-door, exercise is thus
taken away, and they will probably do
nothing but- stand 'about and shiver
until allowed toenter the "sweat-box"
again. .... .
The same might be said of the treat
ment of horses. By being "confined5 a
large portion ofrthe time in such close,
warm stables they are rendered unfit
for the rough -outiloorexposure to which
farm-horses must' be 'submitted. Wore
or less. "-Horsesand infaot all domes
dc animals thrive best. -in-cool, dry.
and airy quarters. By this I do not
wish to be understood' that coldr open
stables are good. "By-no " means. ' " Let
the stable be warmly.and..substantially
built. Haphazard ventilationMby means
of cracks between the boards," broken
windows, and tumble-down doors-is not
the idea at 'all. - The-ventilation should
be systematic and thorough. The
means for ventilating should be so ar
ranged and constituted that it will be
an easy matter to adapt the ventilation
to all kinds of weather. Any stable can
be so ventilated at a small cost, or
rather, at no cost beyond a few hours
labor. The cold air should be admitted
at the rear of the stable, and near the
floor. This can easily be done by boring
large auger holes in the back walls
near the floor, and others to correspond,
in a long, sliding piece, which can be
held in place by means of cleats or
strips attached to the wall. Then, by
moving this slide backward, or forward,
the ventilating holes can be opened,
closed, or partly closed. This give?
the fresh air access. The foul air
must, of course, escape at the top of the
stable, or near the top. Is this theory
ofjventilation correct? Ed. Ph'cmanJ
The places for egress-should be at the
front of the stable, when the construc
tion of the stable renders such a method
possible. These should be open in all
kinds of weather, for no stock can
thrive unless their stabling quarters are
provided with some means for carrying
off the impure air.
We often see sheep confined in a low
basement under the barn which is too
often both damp and close. Some
farmers seem to labor under the idea
that any low, dark place that sheep can
crawl into, is all that they require in
the way of stabling. Of all stock,
sheep most need roomy, airy quarters.
And they also need clean ones. We
think that our cow stables and horse
stables should be cleaned out twice
each day, while the sheep droppings
are allowed to accumulate until spring,
which causes the pens to become foul,
thus generating vermin. Sheep will
bear open exposure better than such
treatment. Their thick, warm coats
indicate an adaptability to cold weather
and exposure such as would seriously
affect "other stock. They should be
thoroughly sheltered from'storms: and
when this is done they will stand any
amount of cold weather.
If those farmers who pride them
selves upon their good stables would
only look into the matter a little more
thoroughly they would find that a large
number of their so-called good stables
could lay claim to that title only upon
the ground of being frost-proof. Every
autumn our agricultural papers teem
with articles advocating warm stables
for winter, while the more important
points purity and ventilation are very
seldom touched upon.
Thorough ventilation is one of the
essentials to a wholesome - condition of
the stable, but ventilation, however
thoroughly executed, cannot alone keep
the stable pure and the stock in a
thrifty condition, unless the same good
management be exercised in other di
rections. There is not one farmer in
ten that thinks it necessary to do more
than scrape out the drippings when
cleaning cut the stables. Ihe fume3 of
ammonia are inhaled with ever'
breath. The very harnesses are per
meated by this penetrating gas. The
most valuable part of the manure is
thus escaping, thus causing a double
loss. And how easily all this loss
might be prevented. Absorbents of
some description are in the reach of
every farmer. Every swail and hol
low " has its deposit. The common
earth from the surface of one of his
many fields will yield the desired mate
rial." Muck is the best, but dry earth
is good. The finer and dryer the earth
is made, the greater will be its absorb
ing power. The foulest stable floor
will lose its pungent odor in a few min
utes if sprinklecfwith fine muck or pul
verized peat. Upon some farms hun
dreds of dollars might be saved annual
ly by the use of' absorbents. The
amount of fertilizing material is thus
immensely increaseu in both quality and
quantity.
Good farm management consists in
looking well to these possible gains and
probable losses so closely, in fact, that
the fumes of escaping ammonia meet
with prompt and effective action, and
are captured to do good work. West
cm Piowman.
Blasting; Oat Stamps.
An Ohio farmer gives his experience
in the matter of removing stumps by
blasting as follows: Last spring I sent
to Indiana and hired a man to come
and blast out stumps. I paid 42 cents
per pound for the powder and 15 cents
for each stump taken out he to furnish
caps and fuse. The stumps were mostly
white and burr oak from 20 to 40 inches
in diameter and been cut from six to
twelve j'cars. Sixty-seven of the worst
were taken out at an expense of 63
cents per stump. There were only
three or four failures in the whole lot.
As they were blown into pieces, it was
much less work to pile and burn them
than when taken out in the ordinary
way. I bought material and took out
nearty two hundred smaller stumps at
an expense of about 20 cents each. It
took me about ten or fifteen minutes to
prepare a blast. I used a two-inch
auger on a five-foot shaft for boring
under the stump. A crow-bar will do
in soft ground, those who follow the
business use a two-and-a-half-inch
auger. The charge should be put as
nearly under the center of the stump as
possible. It is not very dangerous to
use, as fire will not explode it. The
cap is placed in the cartridge, and is
connected by a fuse. You light the
fuse, which in one or two minutes ex
plodes the cap. The concussion of tho
cap, which is equal to five hundred
Sounds, explodes the dynamite or
tercules powder. Eight or ten rods is
a safe distance if j-ou are facing the
stump, as you can easily dodge chunks
if any come toward you. It will not
pay to use it very extensively on green
6tumps, as it will take from three to
eight pounds per stump, and will not
give very good satisfaction at that.
m
It is yet to be decided which is the
greater nuisance the man who picks
up your paper and reads you all the tit
bits of news before you have had the
paper yourself, or the man who comes
in after you have read it and reads it
all over to you again. So far, returns
are for the .election of the latter, but in
either case; the sentence should be pen
itentiary for life. Indianapolis Journal.
Coring, slicing and stringing ap
ples for drying as now the favorite
amusement in English high .life for
.1-1. -i.
ntrnigMNfl young people
Errors of The Press.
Prof. Hir.dersehas given up tho idea,
of publishing a reform newspaper, and
has returned to tho college, where ho
will resume for a time, the work of
teaching the languages to young men
who contemplate journalism. The pro
fc;sor's newspaper experience was not
pleasant and he only issued one.edition
of the Weddy Ilia-!. He took the proof
sheets, alter the elaborate "article Had
been set up, and read :them carefully.
He did not -demand a "revise,-"- and; of
course the f oi eman did not insist upon
the extra precaution. When the paper
came out, the pro'e-sor discovered, with
horror. that' he had been made to use
many expressions not at. all consistent
with'graramar. In a rage he .called the
foreman.
" " Look hera !" he exclaimed. """Yon
make --me. say, 'have? took and- 'had
feawi'- JL-juarked all of these errors and
told'.vou to see that" thev were cor
rected:"" : "" r
The foreman looked at the paper for
a moment and replied: ,
"It is.enough to make a man swear."
"It is enough to make an angel
6wear!" snorted the professor.
"I'd sue 'em," mused the foreman,
mpch concerned and deeply grieved.
"Sue whom?"' ,
"The parties that sold 3-011 the press.'
"What have they to do with it?"
"Why, sir,. the sold you au incorrect
press. No matter. Iiow your paper is
set up, 'its correctness depends on the
way'the press makes the impression.
You might go along for a year and not
have a single error, and again, you
might have a dozen in a paragraph."
"I never heard of such a thing," said
the professor, in astonishment, waver
ing in that indefinable credulity, the
inseparable companion of impractical
education.
"O, yes," continued the foreman,
"it's something that catches the best of ,
'em. Walter, the great English news
paper man, labored for years trying to
get at some rule by which all presses
might be corrected, but 'its efforts only
received the purple robe of partial sue
cess. He could correct the Walter
presses, but could do nothing with the
machines of other make. He had a
freat deal of trouble, for once, just as
e was congratulating himself, the press
slipped a cog and called the King a fool
and the Lord Chancellor a rascallion."
"This is most extraordinary informa
tion," said the professor, thoroughly
convinced by the artful foreman. "I
think that I'shall prepare a lecture ou
the errors of the press "
"A good idea, sir, as the newspaper
men are loth to let the public into their
confidence.
"Don't you think that our press can
be corrected?"
"Not without great expense. You
would have to get a man from New
York and pay nim largely."
"I am sorry that I went into this thing.
Don't you think you could take the
office, "and after awhile pay me what
you think it is worth?"
"The responsibility would be great,
sir."
"I know that, but you are willing to
try, aro you not?"
"0. yes. I'll try."
"You have shed a great deal of light
on my hitherto darkened pathway, and
have given me a new insight into
mechanical philosophy. Assist me
lurther in getting up" data for my
lecture, and I will make you a present
of the office."
"It will require a deal of research
among books and manuscripts stored
in the archives of typographical secrecy,
but I'll undertake the arduous labor."
"My enlightening friend, here is my
hand," and in after "years, when I be
comefamous as a great lecturer, remem
ber that to you my latch string, ever
hangs on the outside." Arkansaw
Traveler.
m m
The Fortunes of a Xew Vork Barber.
In a Park Row barber shop at New
York was a face scraper named Anton
Ehrnian. Anton was a comely young
man from Berlin, well educated, had
the conventional German side whiskers
and kept his nervous sj-steni under good
control. While he was in tho line of
duty some time ago in came a tall
physical specimen who seemed to need
attention. Fate threw him into Anton's
chair. They became friends. The
stranger's name was F. Lawrence. He
hailed from Florida and had shekels to
make him interesting. He had passed
six years of his pacific career in Ger
many at one of the universities, and
this enabled him to appreciate the Ber
lin excellence of Anton's German. Lan
guage is a great bond.
Mr. Lawrence took such a fancy to
Anton that he took him to a theater
and paid for an omelette with truffles
next morning at Delmonico's. Finally,
in an outburst of confidence, Mr. Law
rence mentioned the important fact
that he had a sister-in-law in Florida
who wanted a husband. She was young
and had $65,000 in bank in her own
name. If Anton had any scruples
against matrimony they were overcome
by the financial clause." He was wil
ling to meet her.
Mr. Lawrence telegraphed and Miss
Florence Basch responded by train.
After a glowing preliminary send off
by Mr. Lawrence, the barber was in
troduced. Everything was mutually
agreeable. Both parties were accepta
ble and one was soon accepted. Next
day they went to a lawyer, who drew
up a contract by which the lady's for
tune was placed under Anton's control,
and in return he pledged himself to al
low her the use 01 his name.
Naturally Anton was rather overcome
by this stroke of matrimonial lightning.
He told about it at the shop where his
surgical operations had been performed,
andgave " away the implements of his
menial profession to his condemned as
sociates. Then he took the train for
Boston with his intended, and promised
to call again on his return trip to Flor
ida, where his good fortune leads him
into the orange grove business. Mr.
Lawrence confided the rather interest
ing fact that the lady's father was a
man of large wealth, which would be
distributed among two children at his
death. N. Y. World.
A Musical Hit.
We have heard of a man who forgot
his own name when he called at the
post-office for a letter, and was going
home to ask who he was, when he heard
a man in a wagon speak to his horse.
The name happened to be the same as
his own, and he hastened back to the
office to take advantage of his recov
ered identity. There is a curious story
in musical "annals of a Polish singer
named Yaneiwicz, who spent a profes
sional season in London, lodging at the
West End. One day, after paying sev
eral visits, he called a hackney coach,
and having seated himself, was asked
by the coachman where he wished to
ride.
"Home, mon ami; you go me home,"
said Yaneiwicz, who knew very little
English, and tried to express himself
partly with the help of French.
"Home, sir? but whertV says the
coachman.
"Ah, me not know. De name of de
street has eshcape out of my memory.
I haf forgot him. Vat shall I do ?"
The coachman smiled.
"Ah, you are gay ! Come now, you
understand de musique, eh?"
"Music ! what's that to do with the
street?"
"Ah vous verrcz! you shall see.'
He then hummed a tune, and inquired
"Vat is dat?"
"Thattune? Why, that'sMalbrook.'
"Ah, dat is bimMalbro' Street!
now you drive me ham" J"
Otrnprnnion.
; How Rockefeller Scooped TaudrbiU
Out of a Clean Million.
"Did you 'ever hear "how John D.
Rockefeller, one of 'the Standard Oil
Company, salted William H. Vauder
biltto the tunc of 81,000,000?" iuquired
an oil speculator of the correspondent
of the Xews.
"Never."
. "Ldon't believe it ever got into the
papers. You can;, be .certain .that Van
derbilt never mentioned It, ami Rocke
feller never talks- business to" any one.
It goi out among-'the oil men, however,'
andbas causcdi.some .talk.- It came
about in this way: Rbckefcller will
manfege thifufs His own' Way, and those
who do not eare'to go it- blind and obey
orders -might as "well look out-for. connections-
elsewhere. .The. Standard,
with its vast and always widening in
terests, mnst'be handled like an army
on a continual "march" through the
country of the enemy. One head must
plan and one hand direct. An order is
an order; and,' while there can occasion
ally be a council of War, allthe derails
and many of the decisions can come
from one man alone. There was a time
several years ago that,, with public
clamor, official investigations, trouble
in the oil fields, and thealways increas
ing burden o. management, several of
the old-timers among , the stock
holders felt that the day had come
for holding affairs within their
defined limits. Mr. Rockefeller
did not agree with their conclusions,
and quietly ignored all suggestions as
to how he should conduct the business.
Mr. Sam Andrews, one of the three
founders of the Standard, knew as much
as any one of the dangers threatening
the big monopoly, and on several occa
sions expressed his Opiuidn freely.
Rockefeller said little, but with his
Scotch longhcadeduess, laid his plans
for a move at the proper moment. Van
derbilt at that time field a comparative
ly small interest in the Standard, but
had secured enongh and seen enough to
make him wish for more. Rockefeller
plaved the big millionaire with his usual
skiil and secured from him a provision
al offer covering an amount of stock
equal to tltat held by Andrews. The
next time upon -which a question of pol
icy came up between Messrs. Andrews
and Rockefeller, the latter suggested
that if Andrews was dissatisfied with his
connection he had better sell out. 'Get
me .S1,C00,0QP for .my stocks,' said An
drews, immediately," 'and out I go!'
Mr.liockcfeller smiled, and offered him
$700,000. Andrews refused, but after
some figuring they compromised on
$900,000. Then Rockefeller took that
block of stock, without the addition of
one-tenth of ashnre, and dumped iton to
Vanderbilt for $2,000,000. The differ
ence went to his own pocket." Cleve
land Cor. Chicago Xctos.
The liberty of the Press.
"We haven't any further need of your
services," said the managing edito'r of
a city daily to a reporter who had been
at work only a week.
"That's rather sudden, isn't it?" re-
Slied the startled reporter. "Haven't I
one all I had to do?"
"You have done the work, but not
properly, sir."
"What's wrong?"
"Well, j-ou wrote up Mr. Parvenue's
ball, and there was not a word about it
being a brilliant affair."
"That's just what it wasn't."
"The lady, sir, takes several copies of
this paper, and her husband has his
printing done in our office, and ordinary
common sensej would teach you to un
derstand your duties under the circum
stances." But '
"No excuse is necessary, sir. Then
you brought in an article on the arrest
of young Mr. Fresh for drunkenness.
His" father is one of our patrons, and
we have a sufficient independence to
disregard the wishes of the curious pub
lic to get an item of news when our
patrons are interested in its suppres
sion." "I understand '
"No you don't, for you wrote Mr.
Jones' obituary without saying he was
a distinguished citizen of large influence
and a man of great goodness of heart."
"I thought he was another kind
of "
"You mustn't think. The Inde
pendent spirit of the press is not to be
governed by reportorial thought, sir.
id you think when yon wrote of Miss
Angeline Shoddy's departure to the sea
side without referring to her as tho
charming and accomplished daughter
of one of our most select families?"
"Who said she was the "
"Do 3ou have to hear what other peo
ple sav in order to know your business?
Who told you that Mr. Bottle, the Coun
cilman, was a rough? Don't you know
his influence is worth rnoney to this
paper?"
"I wasn't aware that "
"Of course yon were not aware of
anything! If vou were, 3'ou might be
useful to ub. No, sir; 3-011 are not the
kind of a man we need. We want a
man not to know what he knows, and
know what he does not know. The lib
erty of the press is not to be trifled with
b3' irresponsible reporters who think,
nor is its freedom to be restricted b
3'oung teen who let the actual facts in a
case interfere with the requirements of
the occasion. You can get 3-our pa3
sir, by calling at the office." Brooklyn
haglt.
Excited Chiaamea.
Chinatown was thrown into a state of
wild excitment, yesterda3 by the seiz
ure by the post-office authorities of a
large number of unstamped letters,
brought over on the Tokio b3 self-appointed
Chinese mail agents. There
are three thousand or four thousand of
such letters, and when they were known
to have been seized, there were waiting
in Chinatown devoted husbands who
have beep away from their wives for
fifteen or twenty 3-ears, and who propose
to go home and bring back their spouse
and a largo family of small children,
who were, as they would saj- in Canton
French, made desolate. Ardent lovers,
who have intended to go to Hong Kong
and bring back a wife on a trader s cer
tificate, pulled their pig-tails and kicked
themselves with their thick-soled shoes,
because the' could not obtain the loving
missive of the fair one without paying
otage. Fond parents wished to read
etters written in baby Chinese, by off
spring whom they had not seen for a
quarter of a century, and tender moth
ers 3-earned to puzzle over the tree
like characters of their ten-3-ear-oId
daughter whom they have not seen since
they left China in 1870. Persons in the
fish-peddling business were anxious to
hear when their three or four partners,
ow in China making a tour on their
earnings in the business, were coming
home, and clerks, who had been carry,
ing on the business for their absent em-ploy-era
for five or six years, anxionsty
awaiting for instructions and an ac
knowledgment that tho profits were as
large as usual. Brothers-in-law wanted
to hear from sisters-in-law whom they
intended to bring over, and actors were
desirous of getting letters from brother
traders in Canton. Chinatown was,
therefore, stirred to the bottom, espe
cially when it was learned that double
postage on all this important mail mat
ter had to be paid. The letters were not
all sorted at the hour of closing the post
office yesterday, but packages, which
were made up and tagged, have charges
as high as $26.10 in one case, and ia
others for various sums down to 92.00.
This loss of postage will fall, under the
Tales of the postal union, upon the post
oftce at Honsr Kong, and prove a cleay
gain to our department. oan jra;
jBvlPHvtllF
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.
Rev. John Jasper, the Richmond
colored preacher of "the sun do move"
fame, has been excommunicated from
his church. Chicago Tribune.
In one of the St. Louis schools a
girl thirteen 3-enrs old was given prob
lems In comple-c frac'ioas to write out,
and she headed her paper "Perplexed
Fractions." St. Louis Post.
At the dedication services in the
Madison Avenue Methodist Episcopal
Church in "New York the other day,
392,000 was subscribed, covering the
entire indebtedness of the church. Ar.
Y. Trilun :
Plug hats are worn as a mark of
distinction by the- students of the Uni
versity --of T?xas, at. Austin. . When
the' appear with, their head-gear thev"
never fail to create a sensation. Tex
as Sifting K.. '
M r.-W. .W.Corcoran, the Washing
ton millionaire, is praeti al in his phil-anth'-opity.
Lie lias given.$:.',0jO tot.
John's CoUvgi, - Annapoli-j, Md., oa
the obndition -llitt It be etpznded ia
planting trees upon the campus.
Washinjton Star.
Dr. Bliss, of Constr.nt:noule, who
J saile 1 frjm this ei:v, has distributed
more than 1,00'),000 Bibles in the East
during the quarter of a eentur of his
sup&rintciuleuce of the American Bible
Soci-tv's work in the Levant. N. Y.
Mail. '
Xew Haven (Conn.) girls don't
like to have their names printed when
they earn pocket mone bj teaching in
the public schools, andthe board have
amended their rules so that temporary
teachers ca-i be hired without getting
their names in the papers. Hartford
Post.
Even- girl and boy should be
schooled in practical business. If the3'
are to be .rich, it will not last long un
less they know how to manage and take
care ol it. If they are destined to be
poor, they will need all of the practical
schooling and experience parents and
guardians can confer. Detroit Post.
Efforts are being made b3' the
Catholics of Denver, Col., to make that
city the seat of the largest Jesuit college
in America. Twenty-five thousand
dollarshave already "been subscribed
toward a fund for the erection of the
necessary buildings, and much more is
promised under certain conditions.
Denver Tribune.
Brj-n Mawr College, of Btyn Mawr,
Penn., has just issued its first circular
of information. The college was
founded by Dr. Joseph W. Taylor, of
Burlington, N. J., with a view to giving
young women the advantages of a col
lege education or to preparing them to
become teaehers of a high order. The
college b.iildings are in process of con
struction, and the trustees expect that
they will be ready for the reception of
students in the autumn of 1885. N. Y.
Examiner.
There is a clergyman in Tennes
see called the "satisfying preacher."
If a congregation is discontented he is
sent for, and so atrociously bad is he
that after hearing him once or twice
the congregation is entirely satisfied to
keep the pastor it has. The Christian
Adroeatz tells this stor aud adds that
when the great Robertilall was recov
ering from mental aberration he took a
whim that he would not preach. Sev
eral clergymen filled his pulpit. At
la-t he heard one so poor that he said
to him so the tradition is: "Sir, you
have produced a great effect b "our
sermon to-daj-. If the people must
hear 3011 or me, my duty is clear I
must resume preaching?"
PUNGEXT PARAGRAPHS.
The poet says: "Iu the world a
man must be either anvil or hammer."
He was wrong, however. Lots of men
are nothing but bellows. Chicago
Tribune.
The most polito woman we ever
saw was the young lady who would not
peer into the mirror because, as she
said, it was very rude to look right into
one's face.
While an American girl looks with
favor on a Duke or a Count, the En
glish girl snatches up an American
plumber and has the best of the swap
every time. X. Y. Graphic.
The difference between a long and
short yarn is very well illustrated by
the difference of one's feelings in hold
ing a skein for
one s grandmother or
one's weetheart. Detroit Post.
"What is the worst thing about
riches?" asked a Sunday school teacher.
"That they take unto themselves wings
and fly away," promptly replied the
bov at" he foot of the class. Chicago
Times.
A writer sa-s that a Burmese girl
who wishes to kiss "presses her nose up
against a face and snifl's." If we had
happened to go to Burmah without this
information we should have had the
girl arrested be3oud a doubt. Now we
know how to act. Boston Post.
The only occasion upon which rail
way trains in the United States are
known to attain a speed of eighty-five
miles an hour is when 3'ou sweep in
sight of a station with -our overcoat
only half on and see the train ou want
just starting out. Before 3ou can reach
the platform a shot from a Parrot-gun
couldn't catch that train. She may
jolt along at twelve miles all the rest of
the day; but for about one minute, as
you go charging down the platform, she
makes an eas- hundred. Burlington
Ilairkeye.
Take the old ballads of any people,
and few adjectives will be found. The
singer says: "He laughed; she wept."
Perhaps the poet of a more advanced
age might s:iy: "He laughed in scorn;
she turned away and shed tears of dis
appointment." But nowadays the am
bitious young writer must produce
something like this: "A hard, fiendish
laugh, scornful and pitiless, forced its
fcissage from his throat through the
ips that curled in mockery at her ap
peal; she covered her despairing face,
and a gush and whirlwind of sorrow
ing agony burst forth in her irresistible
tears. Philadelphia Press.
A young lady who thought her per
sonal charms gave her the right to be
disagreeable, was present a few days
since at a party, during which quarrels
between husband and wife were dis
cussed. "1 think," said an unmarried
elder son who was present, "that the
proper thing is for the husband to have
it out at once, and thus avoid quarrels
for the future. I would light a cigar
in the carriage after the wedding
breakfast, and settle the smoking ques
tion forever." "I would knock the
cigar out of your mouth," interrupted
the belle. "Do ou know, I don't
think 3-011 would be there!" quietly re
marked the elder son. Troy (&. i.j
Times.
Mountains as Health Restorers.
Mountains arc the health restorers of
the country, and never send back to
their homes with pale faces and wasted
forms those who have never sought
their rugged embrace andVenjoycd their
breezy kisses. A comparison with those
who seek the shore, the plain and the
lake, will prove the beneficial effects of
the mountain resort overall others, and
that-the per cent, of health is increased
in a greater degree by its regimen of
air and exercise. That the mountains
grow more popular as resorts, alike for
pleasure and health, has been demon
strated in a greater degree than ever
daring the season of 1883, and I doubt
not a iew years hence, will see them
monopolize summer pilgrims as their
devout and loyal worshipers. W. f.
Bruce, in SU Louis Magazine.
i
u . i 1. . r ' :
j JjAvrw.vnn.
utuiT isxprrfS 'tn.ii.i5 '. r i:r',;.n
.1!
rago, Haa-. City. t. Lvuls.aini ;
Kmt. Through Can. i.i fVri:t to !ik1::ii
Iy coach in c'l tizn-r h Ui:. u:
, Dicing urcuKt-f Hissosv: 'i.'-.-.
. ThroTiph Tickets ft t'lo t r-zrt-t Titoi
baggngf .!,! locIifcI:'.! 1 i,Pi!i.uI',i A
i will ! c hs rfully i urtrisli. tl ,.y-c-u api '.oeti.
I. S.i:t -
3STOTIOE
Chicago Wee
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THE-
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T"7T
a m s s 1?
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AND PUMPS.
Buckeye Mower, combined, Self
Binder, wire or twine.
I limps Repaired on short noliee.
Jjfoiie I'.mr wist of Ileiutit- Drui:
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HENRY G-ASS,
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ilJN'DKKTiVICEjR !
irOFWXS AND .METALLIC CASES
..-; dkalki: IX
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reaus. Tables, Safes. Lounges.
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TSTlicpt'triniftf all kinds f L'pfinlitw
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IN ADDITION, we uill .viul free to ev
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lat Great Pair.tin-, "-STi TIB 3-: MIM
DOWV n.w on exhibition in New York,
and ottered for s;lc at S.I.OOO.
T.ie eminent Artist, V. S. ClliriWII.
writing to a friend iu the country last
October, thus all tide- to thi- Picture:
". I was delighted thi mornin; to
ee offered a a Premium a reproduction
of a verv beautiful Picture, I." Till
.lflKAliOW'by Dupre. This Picture
is an Educator "
This superb cnravin 17) by 12 inches,
exclusive of wide border, is worth more
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